Christmas

Thank all of you for the recent comments. The overall response to the Wash Day series was a little more tepid than expected, but it did draw some thought provoking comments. But, I must confess that with Christmas coming  I have been away from the blog. In the end much of the blog comes back to a discussion Tara and I had so many years ago. She told that my husband John was a deeply submissive man. 'What do you mean', I asked her. In simplest terms, she told me, it means that he needs a woman to tell him what to do. Giving her a puzzled look she responded that he needs you to lead him in life. She went on to explain that without active female authority in his life John was a man who could never be truly happy.

On that same day that we had the conversation she offered me an opportunity to come work with her in the studio. I didn't know what to think, but driving home across the long bridge was one of the loneliness experiences of my life. Looking at the big house that had been home to John and I for so many years brought tears to my eyes. This home had been the place of wedding anniversaries, children' parties, and the place where we lived when the news came that my mother had passed.
Now, instead of a place of refuge it became a place to cry and wonder what cruel reality the world would throw my way next. It was then that the decision was made to accept Tara's offer of employment in the studio.

In the months working with Tara I learned  much about men. They told me their secrets, their fears, their hopes, and all of the things that were never confessed to their wives. Yes, mistress, my wife does not understand they would say. Or, 'she said no' when I asked her to become my mistress. 'What should I do' they would some times ask. 'Would you let me be your slave' they would sometimes find the courage to ask. 'Maybe', I would respond,' but tell me why you deserve to be my slave'.
After an explanation as to why he would make a good slave there would be an opportunity to kneel and perform foot worship. As Tara explained it the trick was to learn what the poor hapless male needed and give him some of it. In that way you earned his respect, his devotion, and kept him coming back.

With a little practice it was easy to learn what the men needed. They needed to have some fear of you, but they also needed to respect you as a woman and as a mistress. Above all you needed to give them the experience they could not get at home from their wives. The couples who came to Tara were different. She didn't charge as much for couples as she did for single men. Her techniques was to help the wives learn how to become mistresses to their men. The women learned to put their husbands in Command Position. They learned to collar the husbands and lead them on a leash. Then even learned to teach the husbands stay and come. Tara believed that this type of 'male' training formed the basis of what she referred to as good household management.

Shortly before my arrival Tara formed several of the wives into a group. And, it was in this group that several of the women developed the confidence in themselves to truly becomes mistress wives to their men. In the group the women would talk, shares stories, laugh, and sometimes cry. It was a safe place where confidences were kept and friendships formed. Even to the present day some of these girls are still counted among my best friends. Until a few years ago we met regularly. Our annual holiday luncheon usually brought them back from where ever corner of the country they called home.

One of the things about femdom that took me a long time to figure out is that it is about caring, acceptance, and most of all love. To be truly good as a mistress wife you need to accept your man for whom he is. You need to care about him. And, most of all you need to love him. Everything else; the positions, the training, and even the punishment sessions will fall into place if the three conditions are met.

Love you all for reading and even more for sharing. This Christmas thank God for the wonderful gifts he has given to you. Think of the children, the grandchildren, and most of all the love of the woman  whom you think of as your wife or mistress.

Kathy

Wash Day.....For the Ladies

For whatever reason I was not happy with the recent post. It was too short and mostly I was hesitant to talk about foot worship on the blog.  After all this blog is not intended to be about what many people would consider kinky behavior. Yet, from my observation there are many men who love nothing more in life than taking the toes of a woman into their mouth. In the studio foot worship was a special treat for the guys. It was considered a privilege. It was also a money maker for Tara in that it kept the paying customers coming back. In the studio the girls had learned to develop foot worship into something of an art form. It would start with the shoes, a lot of licking and finally the magic moment when the guy was allowed to suck on your toes.

For my part foot worship was kind of a strange feeling in the beginning. It didn't matter how dirty the feet were, or how badly they might have smelled. In many cases it was quite obvious that the guys relished the smell as well as the taste of the summer sweat. And, it was always very hot walking from the car to the studio. It would always be the mistress who ended the session as the guys could spend hours licking and sucking on her toes. It was almost an animalist type of behavior where by the sent of the female drove the male wildly crazy with lust. It was also a behavior that many of the wives didn't allow their men to participate in. 'It was too nasty', a couple of the men told me. Some of them were too embarrassed to perform this act with their wives.

After a very short time I learned to use my feet to tease the men. I would often put the man in Command Position where he were not allowed to move a muscle. I would then dangle my toes right in front of his face. 'Not yet', I would tell him. 'Have you been a good boy today', I would ask.
He would always answer 'yes mistress'. 'How good', I might then ask. 'Beg', for what you want I would tell him. As a working mistress I quickly learned that it was quite fun to tease the men before giving them what they wanted. As a young girl my mother often told me that men appreciated things more it you made them work for it. It was not until my teenage years that I had an idea of what she might be talking about.

As a mistress wife I have learned to have a bit of innocent fun with John. Yes, my husband, as many men do appreciates the opportunity of having a woman's toes in his mouth. If he is a good slave, if he does a good job of cleaning house; and if he shows me the kind of sweetness I love in him he may be rewarded. Enough said on this subject except that this simple reward can be used as an effective training tool for the submissive man in your life.  Enjoy!


Love, Kathy

Deleted Post

Good Morning to all of you.

Yes, I have just deleted the last posting. What looked good on Sunday morning didn't seem quite rite on Monday.

Love, Kathy

Wash Day....

Thank all of you for the emails and for the comments.

My absence from the blog has made me realize how important this little bit of feminine writing is to many of you. Yet, this is just a blog. It is not a crutch to rely on as a replacement for real world experiences. What I would tell each and everyone one of you is to love the lady you are with.
She may not be the mistress of your dreams. She may have her faults, but men have a tendency to overlook the many good and wonderful things women do for them. Bring her flowers and gifts for no special reason. Tell her that you love her. Not just once a week, but every day. Tell her how special she is to you. Relish her smile. And, learn to listen to her. Learn to focus on her needs rather than what you want.

One of the sweet things John does is to bring  my coffee every morning to my writing desk. He also makes sure that there is at least one single flower in the small vase at  its corner. While this may seem as a simple task to many of you it means a great deal to me. It is a way for him to show his affection,  his willingness to serve and be a part of my life. It also provides us a few minutes to talk about our day, about the children, and what is on our mind. Regardless of what I am doing I put it down.
John is more important. I love to watch his gentle curtsy. I usually direct him to the back of the desk by pointing my finger toward the floor next to me. He kneels and is given the opportunity to kiss my feet.

One of the things I tell women who write to me is never miss opportunity to have your man kneel.
At the same time never miss an opportunity to have him kiss your feet. Working in the studio I learned the pleasure of having a man worship your feet. What I learned in the studio is that a woman's feet are an aphrodisiac for most submissive men. There is nothing they would rather do than spend time massaging your feet or swishing their tongue between your toes. For many men foot worship is something of a religious experience that brings them closer to the goddess that they think you are.
As Tara told me so many years ago think of your self as a goddess and they will too.

Love, Kathy

Wash Day....leadersship versus dominance

Good morning to all of you.

This is just a quick posting to say something that has been on my mind for a long time. In this blog I very seldom, if ever, use the terms dominance or dominate. For me female authority is about leading a man rather than dominating him. In my opinion one of the differences between being a mistress wife and a professional dominatrix is that a wife tends to lead her man rather than dominate him.
Real life with a truly submissive man is not about dominating him. Rather it is about providing him with the structure and emotional support he needs in order to be happy and thrive as an individual.
It was only after I understood this that I was willing to take control of my marriage, and the man whom I loved.

The simple truth is that many men were not born to lead. It was society that cast them into the role of head of house forcing them into live a life that they could never truly adjust to. It is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. After a lot of pushing you may be able to get the peg into the hole, but it never fits as it should. At the same time we see women who have had a history of personal  leadership accomplishments deferring to their men in an effort to conform to perceived expectations of what a good wife should do. That is why we see so many de facto type femdom marriages whereby the wife leads her husband in every way, but there is no overt agreement that she is in charge. In fact, with friends and family she may even pretend to be a follower in the marriage. Of course the new age model of relationships calls for equality.


For many couples in modern society the equality model will work just fine. Yet, we know from personal experiences that some men are born with a very natural need for female control in their everyday life. What percentage of men are naturally submissive I have no idea. My guess is that the percentage of men who are born with submissive genes is much higher than anyone would guess.
Among those submissive men are a few that are highly submissve. My husband is a good example.
Many of you who read this blog are also highly submissive. A common trait that most of you share is that from time to time you try to hide or fight off your need for female control. From what I have observed this works for a little while, but most may never be truly happy in a vanilla type relatinship.

What is lacking in society are role models whom young males can openly identify with. There are few if any openly submissive actors, athlettes, or whatever.  Among Hollywood celebs it is almost fashionable to be homosexual or transexual, but never submissive. Why? I have no idea. One of the reasons Becky's husband opened up was that he had John as a role model. Having a father in law as a submissive husband made it safe for him to discuss his need for female authority with Becky. Further more it is my belief that one of the reasons why Becky is such an effective mistress is that she sees herself as a leader rather than as a dominator.

If there is interest in this subject we can talk more about it?


Love, Kathy

Wash Day...

Thank all of you for the lovely emails and comments.  If any of you have every blogged you will understand that interaction with readers is the fuel that keeps a blog going. The comment was made that there are many so called de facto femdom marriages. These marriages are femdom in everyway except that no one officially knowledges that the wife is truly her husband's mistress. Looking back on things I sometimes wonder if my parents had this type of relationship. It is true that my mother could spend money anyway she wanted. My father wouldn't spend much more than a dollar without consulting her.

Going back to the Wash Day series there is a bit of a cute story that I would like to share with you.
As often happens with Becky's visits home there is an evening in which she has dinner with friends from school. Many of you know we live about an hour from the city across the long bridge. It is not a dangerous drive, but drinking before crossing the bridge is heavily discouraged. I volunteered to watch the children. Realizing that she was planning on driving herself to the dinner, I volunteered John as her driver. 'Mom, I don't really need daddy to drive me" she responded. Well, are you going to be drinking, I asked. 'Why don't you let daddy drive you, it would make the evening so much more relaxing, I offered.

After thinking it over for a few minutes Becky consented to having John drive her. I mentioned that her daddy could find a nearby coffee shop as a waiting place, and she could text him when ready for pick up. She laughed a little and mentioned it would be like high school except back then there was no texting. With her consent I rang John in from the garage where he had been working. 'Baby, this evening I want you to drive Becky into the city for dinner. You can find a place to wait for her, and she will text you for pickup'. 'Yes ma'am' was John's only response aside from what time should he be for. John understood that driving his daughter to the city for dinner, waiting for her, and driving her back was a directive rather than a request.

The cute part of the story is what happened when John dropped Becky off at the restaurant. Becky opened her purse and handed John a twenty dollar bill. 'Daddy, this is for something to eat' she told her father. I have money John responded. "Yes, but I want to make sure what you spend doesn't come out of your allowance', she told him. How did you respond I asked John. With a ' thank you ma'am' as she gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

Thinking about the little exchange of words and money caused me to think about how the world is indeed changing. As head of house and mistress to her husband Becky spends money as she wishes.
On the other hand John as an indentured husband may only spend the allowance he is given unless prior approval is rendered. Sometimes I wonder how men can live this way, but the need of submissive males for female control is all encompassing in their lives. It ranges from control of finances to sexual experiences and even what time they must go to bed in the evening.

As women accustomed to giving instruction to our men there is the potential for abuse. There is a very sad story on the internet about a Boston college student who ordered her boyfriend to commit suicide. She was apparently angry with him because he contacted a former girlfriend without her permission. Granted this may have been reason for punishment of some kind, but all punishments given by a mistress should be constructive rather than destructive. This incident also points out the dangers of one person controlling the life of another where by there is not true love. John lives as a slave husband under my total control. However, he also understands that I love him, and my authority over him is for his own good.

Love, Kathy

Good Morning To All Of You

In some ways I feel sorry for the long absence from the blog. Yet the truth is simply that there is nothing for me to say at the moment. There is also the feeling that I have said enough. The future of female led relationships is about the young women of the world who are willing to break away from the traditional restraints and norms related to gender. In every day life women are making positive changes. They are running for public office. They are entering the professions in record numbers.
How these changes will affect the family I have no idea. And, as all of you know Femdom 101 is about the family rather than the work environment.

For the most part Femdom as we know it is related to the male desire for female control of his life.
The idea of the naturally dominant woman is more of a male fantasy rather than a concept that women aspire to. Yet, I do know that form personal experience that women can learn to like being a mistress to their man. It is not just about having a man who keeps the house clean and changes the bed sheets, it is about giving him the type of home structure that he needs to flourish. It is about a whole new level of intimacy. And yes there are millions of sweet, loving submissive men in the world who need a real life lady who has the courage to take control of them.

Back in the early years of this blog most comments were from men who were 'want a bees' in femdom relationships. Looking at the comments from the Washday Series most of the comments came from men who were actually in some type of female led relationship. Over a ten year range this change is significant. Also, I have observed the same type of change related to comments on other blogs. Most comments come from men who consider their wives as head of house. They may not consider themselves 'slaves' or property of their wives, but they do render some level of obedience to them.

What I have also observed from the more recent parts of the blog is that some men render some level of service or obedience to their older daughters. The comment from Thomas Lavalle that he regularly 'picks up' after his twenty five year old daughter gave me pause. It made me wonder if femdom was truly becoming multi generational or if this was more of a fictional comment. Another gentleman sent me an email related to the ways in which he serves his adult daughter who is living with him post divorce. Both the wife and daughter have become his mistresses. What he tells me is that the daughter is more strict with him than the wife. John clearly remembers the first time he used the ma'am word with Becky. It felt like the most natural thing in the world he tells me.

The other comment I would like to make is that femdom is about love and caring more than whips and chains. It is about women accepting their men for whom they are and giving them the emotional support that that satisfies them in a way that nothing else will. This can only happen when a woman truly loves a man. For women learning to appreciate femdom is like learning to like oysters. It is an acquired taste that takes time and effort to develop. Once the taste is acquired it is something that stays with us.

Although I have not been writing I think about each and everyone of you who. Many of you have been able to develop the type of relationships that satisfy your needs. Many of you have not.
For those of you who are single my advice is to reach our in a soft gentle way to the women whom you meet. Don't be afraid to open your selves up. Yes, there will be rejection. Yes, some will think you are weird. Have the courage of your convictions. Be proud of the person you are. Be masculine, but tender. Be sensitive to HER needs. And yes, that HER needs is in capital letters because too many submissive men have a tendency to gush on their needs.

Love you all for reading. Love you even more for sharing. As the moment I am not sure where the blog is going. We'll see.


Kathy

Morning Coffee And Monday Wash

At the moment I am not really in the blogging mode so there shouldn't be anything posted for a while.

There is a cute story from the summer that I would like to share with you. It was morning when our neighbor Carol was over for coffee. It was a little bit of an extended coffee time because she had been waiting to say hello to Becky. At least once during the summer months Becky likes to visit without her husband. It gives us a special time to share stories, reconnect, and remain in touch with the grand children. It took Becky quite a while to come down because she had been busy bathing the kids. For those of you who don't have grand children these baths can take forever. They love to play with the boats and all of the little bath toys. It is hard to get them out.

When Becky finally came down there was the usual hello and hug and so nice to see you type thing.
The three of us started chatting about how everyone was going. It took Becky a few minutes to notice her daddy folding clothes in the nearby laundry room. Aside from the folding he was also listening in on the girl talk. Listening to girl talk is something many men love to do. Being close by also provides him the opportunity to act as our little coffee server.  And, as a mistress wife I have learned to appreciate the convenience of having a serving man in the home. There is nothing difficult about getting your own coffee or scrambling eggs, but it is such a nice luxury to have a man there to do it for you. Those of you ladies who live with a well trained submissive husband know what I am talking about. Why it is that so many women resist the love of sweet well intentioned submissive men I have no idea. Women seem to treat submissiveness in men as a condition similar to leprosy.

As John was delivering Becky's coffee  I casually asked if she had seen the new washing machine.
No, she said while peaking into the laundry room for a quick look see. 'That looks really nice' Becky responded. And then there was the added response. 'That reminds me, daddy,  we already have wash to do. When you are ready the baskets are in the closets." It was not a request for John to do the laundry as it was a simple straight forward directive. She went on to say that the way David does her work blouses is to dry them until they are just a little dam, and then pass a cool iron over them. They come out so nice that way she told John. Listening in I couldn't help but wonder what Carol thought of this father daughter conversation. Not too many daughters have the pluck to tell their fathers to do laundry and then tell them how the ironing is to be done. In the past Becky has used words like would you mind doing this or that, but this was a clear directive that allowed no choice on John's part.

Thinking back on the moment in the wash room I was surprised that Becky used 'that mistress' type of language in front of Carol, but then I thought about it a little more. Mistress wives become so accustomed to simply telling their men what to do that is seems so normal. The truth is that we don't even think about directing instead of asking. What I suspect is many of you have been publicly outed simply by the way your wives speak to you in front of other people. It is not something we mean to do. It is something that comes out naturally when living with a submissive man. Within the last few years Becky has matured both as a woman, a wife and as a mistress. One of biggest pleasures in life has been in watching her grow into the self confident person she has become.

It might be interesting to share a real life story from a few years ago. John and I were on a cruise.
It was one of those large boats with crowds of people all over the place. It was fun in a way, but the big boats are not really my thing. It was really crowded but we managed to find one of the last tables
in the bar area. After a little while another couple approached our table. The wife asked me directly if they could join us. Of course you can as we would love to have company, I responded.  It struck me  as a little strange in that the table question was put directly to me as if john's wishes were of no importance. Because it was happy hour and the bar was jammed packed it was impossible to get the attention of a waitress. After a littlie while she instructed her husband go to the bar and get her a drink. There was something about the way she said it that caught my attention. Yes, of course, I realized she was using that mistress language. It is not mean but it is spoken with a certain type of firmness. In a way it was the same type of wording and tone of voice that Becky used on Carol's visit.

As the gentlemen was getting up from the table she asked if John and I would be ready for another cocktail. That sounded good, I responded. And then I fell head over heels into using the mistress language myself. 'I'll send my husband to help', I told her. Thank you, but her husband could handle it she told me. 'He can't carry four drinks', I further responded. 'He's not allowed to drink' she told me. The assumption on my part was there was a medical issue of some type. Sometime later in the trip we again ran into this same couple. This time he was holding a cocktail. So nice to see you are doing better, I said while pointing toward the cocktail in his hand. 'Yes, today he has been given permission to drink' she responded with a cheery smile. At that moment I instantly understood that the permissions came from her rather than the doctor. Yes, I realized this lady is a mistress to that man. And, of course, when the four of us are together it is the women who are doing almost all of the talking. As a friend once told me submissive men have a way of just siting there looking pretty. This in fact was what the two men were doing. They were sweet and attentive, but they were also the followers in the conversation. They were the listeners rather than the talkers.

In our home the five o'clock cocktail is not a right of passage, but something for John to earn each and every day. In our home the five o'clock cocktail is what some people might call positive reinforcement. In other words be a good 'boy' for me today and get your reward. If you grumble or display a bad attitude that late day celebration of levity may very well be taken away. In her home Becky uses computer play time as positive reinforcement. At any time Becky can see all of the sites her husband visits during the week. It still amazes me that wives give their men so much free time on the computer. My advice to any young wife is to closely monitor her husbands use of the computer, I-Pods, and cell phone.


In today's world men have far too much freedom on their hands. They have far too many ways to get into trouble. So often I hear, 'but I want to trust him". Yes, trust is good, but trust also comes with a certain amount of monitoring. In a femdom relationship a husband needs to understand that he is no longer a free man. Being subject to a woman's a authority is a blessing for many men, but it is a blessing that comes with a challenge. Unless a woman is willing to discipline her man the challenge of living as a servant to a dominant mistress can be most difficult. This is why many femdom relationships fall apart. A woman needs to let her man know in no uncertain terms that she is the boss.
This is one of the things that Becky is so good at. Most of the time she will not need to use it, but her husband fully understands that she is the one who holds the whip. And, he likes it that way. On a couple of occasions I have tried to compliment her for this. Well mom she responded who do you think I learned it from.



Love you all for reading. Love you more for sharing. Think about the good things in life.
Think about all of the ways that your wife shows love to you. Tonight, tell her that you love her.
Tell her that she owns your heart hook, line, and sinker and then give her a big kiss. The truth is that most women would rather have a sweet kiss from their man then a foot massage.


Kathy

Morning Coffee and Wash Day, Reflections

As many of you know John and I have a little conversation each and every day. For the conversation I sit in a comfortable chair while he kneels at my feet. It is one of my beliefs that a submissive husband should be given as much opportunity to kneel in front of his mistress as possible. It is a way to remind him that he is owned, and at the same time it is a reminder for me to remember my position in the marriage.

On the evening of the wash day conversation I asked John about his reaction to the way Becky had spoken to him. Was he surprised by it, I asked. For the most part his answer was no. What he told me was that over the last couple of years Becky had become much more direct with him. This had not been the first time she had directed him to perform laundry duties. Once, he told me, she even made the comment that in a femdom home laundry is men's work. He was however a little surprised that Becky said what she said in front of Miss Carol. Did it bother him, I asked. No, he said. What he told me was that he has learned to be a proud submissive man who lives in service to a mistress wife.
He went on to say that he is also proud of the way in which Becky has grown in her relationship.
He is especially proud that Becky is his daughter and he helped to bring her up.

If given the choice John told me that he would like to be more open about how we live. He understands that is not his decision. He also told me that if Becky ever demanded it he would be just as proud to kneel at her feet  as he does at mine. She, of course, has never demanded this type of adoration from her father and most probably never will.

Love, Kathy

For Joel

Once again here I am on the computer. Life in retirement is so different from the world of work, of deadlines, endless meetings, and client visits. There are times when I miss the activity. Yet, there are also times when it is just nice to relax with a cup of coffee and open the internet. There are so many of you who tell me your stories. What I have noticed of late is that there are many of you have experienced some type of a femdom relationship that has lapsed. There was not a breakup, but it was simply a matter of not enough fuel to keep the fire burning.

To answer Joel's question it is my belief that femdom can bring a couple closer together. Femdom, like any marriage requires a bit of work. If you just let it drift along the relationship will not mature.
It may not lead to divorce, but both parties will give up trying. This morning John made an early morning trip to the market. He needed to pick up some milk, some eggs, and biscuits for morning breakfast. He also surprised me with bouquet of beautiful roses. They were waiting on my writing desk. Yes, it may have been a small thing, but it made my day. How long has it been since you surprised your mistress with fresh flowers? If it has been more than a couple of weeks today should be the day.

My challenge for each of you today is to bring flowers to your wife or your girl friend. The flowers need not be from a florist as grocery store flowers for no occasion on often better than expensive flowers for a special occasion. Tell her that you love her, that she is the light of your life, and that she means everything to you. And, if, and only if she is your mistress thank her for letting you serve her.


Love, Kathy

Thank You Steve

A short note to thank Steve for his well thought out comment.

As Steve says in his comment he often has wondered about submissive men and homosexuality. Yet, of course he says, if the good Lord didn't want these things why is it that he created so many man with these attributes.

And, to John who posted as Unknown, most older men have more difficulty with kneeling straight up than submitting in the form of Command Position. In Command Position a man's weight is more evenly spread out than it is when kneeling straight up. It is difficult for my John to remain kneeling straight up for more than a few minutes, but he likes to show me he is trying. Like me, my guess is that your wife appreciates your efforts to please her even though you no longer have the strength of a younger man.

What is amazing me is the rapidly changing view of what is considered socially acceptable in polite society. A few years ago the sexual orientation of the women's soccer team would have been hidden. Today, it is being praised and hailed as wonderful example of healthy diversity. Why is it then that mistress wives are so keen on hiding their lifestyle from friends and relatives? Why is it that femdom is the alternates lifestyle choice that no one wants to openly talk about? Most of us are even afraid to share use of this lifestyle choice with our own daughters.

The other remark that I wanted to add to the Pizza Man post is that being a lifestyle mistress is not about catering to a man's continued fantasies. There is an element of understanding his fantasies, and there is room for play. However, the central core of an adult femdom relationship is simply about letting a man know that you are the boss. Going back to the previous story, the last thing John wanted was to see me on a date with another man. In a very firm way I let him know that what I did in my personal life was not his concern. In fact, I remember giving him a stern lecture to that effect along with some time in the corner for him to properly reflect on what it was I had told him. On these dates I also made sure he had plenty of chores to perform as well as lines to write. One of the  punishments john hates is writing lines. This works out well for me in that it is one of the easiest punishments to give and to administer. He also understands that if the lines are scribbled instead of neatly written he starts over from scratch. Over the years he has probably written 'I will always obey and respect mistress' thousands of times. Both the words 'obey' and 'respect' should be central to the vocabulary of any submissive man.

I get so many questions related to the same topic. How can I get her to dominate me, or take control of me. While I am never sure of the complete answer to that question the starting point is to love Her, to make Her the center of your life, and show Her that you live to please Her. Offer to do chores for her. Take care of the children. It you have small children be the one who takes them to the rest room when you are out to dinner. Yes, this is uncomfortable, but being the mother of a woman with small children I can tell you she will appreciate this more than  hundred foot rubs. There is nothing more sexy than the sight of a man carrying a diaper bag.

Finally, I can offer you that being a real submissive husband to a mistress wife is not a joy ride. It requires actual work on both his part and her part. Because it requires so much effort, the biggest challenge for her is discipline. If she is only playing the role of the mistress the husband will get lazy. If she learns to enforce her demands with discipline and real punishment she will evolve the relationship into something real. This, my babies, is what I have learned to do with husband. I wonder how many of you would have the inner strength to serve me in the same manner as John.





Love, Kathy

To My Pizza Author

This is just a quick posting to personally thank you for the well thought out comment.

When the blog was first started back in 2008 I wanted it to be a place for honest discussion about a very sensitive topic. I wanted it to be a safe place for all readers to share honest thoughts without attacking other readers. You, my baby, have struck a special chord with me. Your honesty is more than just refreshing. If gives me cause for self reflection. It gives me cause to look at the way I live with my husband on a day to day basis.

At the initial stage there was self doubts about becoming John's mistress. There was never a doubt in my mind that John needed a life partner whom could be both his wife and mistress. The doubt was alone the lines if I could be that person. And yes, over the years I have learned to be that person. I have learned to like being John's mistress. The personal freedom is a part of it. Yet, what sometimes gives me a guilty conscious is that I have learned to like being in control of another person. In my personal  life I have learned to be more confident in dealing with men. It is not that I want to become their mistress, it is more that I have learned how to deal with them.

One of my personal discoveries is that many so called normal men have something of a submissive side to their personality. If you know how to talk with them you can bring that side out. A smart women understands how to get her way with men. I also believe that many so called normal men have a need for female control that they have learned to suppress. In a sense I can't help wonder if you, my little pizza guy, might be one of these men? I don't know but you and my John are close to the same age.  My John tried to hide his submissive side for a long time. His paid mistress had the know how to develop that submissive side. Instead of role playing she taught him that there was nothing wrong with being a submissive man. She listened to his story. She counseled with him.
She made him one of her houseboys. John paid money for the privilege of cleaning her toilets.
But, she also helped him to more fully understand himself.

If you ask almost any women if she would like to be in a relationship with a submissive man the answer will almost always be negative. If you rephrase the question to something like would you want to be in a relationship with a man who loves you, who wants to please you, and make you the center of his life; the answer may often be quite different. In some ways reading your comment made me feel a little sad for you. If, way back then the rite women had taken you by the hand would your life have turned out differently. Could the rite woman have made you into her submissive? With time and with development of your submissive side could she even have made you into something of her sub husband or even slave? These are questions in which you know the answer to better than me. Then, upon reflection, I wonder if you really do know the answer to these questions.

By the reference to earlier postings you are obviously one my long term readers. And, by the fact that you remember what I said way back when tells me that you are interested in reading femdom material. This is not a criticism as much as it is a hint that maybe you are repressing your submissive nature. If so, I am especially happy that you found the courage to give me your prospective. Yes, I do believe that femdom is a healthy lifestyle choice for many couples. Having said that we are not into what many people call the scene. Except for a few friends from Tara days and family know one knows about the way we live our lives. Carol may guess that John is little henpecked, but she has no idea that he is trained to fall to his knees at the snap of my fingers.

And yes, I do remember the postings from way back when. This gentlemen and I went out several times. In the beginning it wasn't supposed to be a date, but for one reason or the other several coworkers cancelled out at the last minute. That left him and I alone together on a beautiful spring evening. Instead of going to the more formal restaurant my company had booked, we went to one of my little favorites in the quarter. It was one of those special paces where you hear the music playing and the conversation flows from table to table. Walking back to the hotel that evening we came to a busy street. He used that as pretext to take my hand in his. And yes, after all of these years with one man, I enjoyed it. What I don't remember is saying that John was angry. What didn't come out in the blog was that we actually spent a night together. Not only did John know about it, but he packed my overnight bag. I also had him pick me up the next day from the hotel. What John didn't know was that I had made the decision not to see this man again.

The drive back to the house that day was in complete silence. In some ways I wanted John to be angry, but he was only hurt. In a sense I added insult to injury. One of the items I had him pack was my pleated skirt. It was this lovely pleated skirt that had caused him so much consternation. With instruction he had finally learned how to properly iron it. In return I was wearing it for another man.
When we arrived back at the house I had him carry the bag in, unpack it, clean my heels, and  wash the contents. It was important for him to know that I considered myself a free woman even thought every detail of his life was managed. What of course he didn't know back then was that he remained the love of my live, and making him into a cockled  husband was not something that I wanted. It was not the image I had of my self.  After all, I was still my mother's daughter. What would she have thought.

And, so thank you my sweetie for sharing. Thank you for finding the courage to come out of the lurkers closet. And, for all of you who are reading this post please take a moment to thank Pizza Man for sharing his well thought out comment. One of the things we can all acknowledge is that femdom is not for everyone.

Love, Kathy

The Storm Has Passed

The storm has now passed.

We still need to watch the rivers, but there was not much wind and no hard rain. Storms like this have a way of creating boredom in everyone's life. Unfortunately, the storm may have passed, but we are still in for another day of rain. John needs to go to the gym. We both need exercise.

Earlier this morning John brought in my first cup of coffee of the day. As is usual he carefully maneuvered a deep, polite, and respectful curtsy. Why women resist having their men perform this exercise is beyond me. It is a simple act that shows respect for authority. This morning I brought John to Command Position with a snap of my fingers. In that position he must remain completely still until given the command either to rise or to kneel up. In Command Position he is allowed  to answer direct questions from me, but other wise he is not allowed to speak. As I was chatting with girlfriends this morning I kept him in Command Position for most of thirty minutes. On a very boing rainy day this is a good and simple way for a wife to exercise control over her man.

One of the gentlemen who has his own blog and sometimes writes to me tells me that his wife now allows him to kneel when they speak. I was pleased to hear that this response was the result of a book I recommended to them some months ago. Working in the studio I learned to appreciate physical manifestations of respect and devotion. In the studio, as opposed to the outside world, it was normal for men to kneel and follow commands given to them by women.

Having a man kneel while you speak is a way of engendering respect for you are as well as what you do for him. And you are both his wife and his mistress you deserve his respect and his complete obedience. He may be a good man, but he needs to remember that you are his mistress. You are the one who can punish or give him rewards. Over the last few years I have gravitated more toward rewards than to punishment. Last week we went out to dinner with another couple. 'Would I be allowed to have a drink or wine with dinner', John asked me. In my mind I quickly reviewed his chore list. 'Yes, you will be allowed one glass of wine', I told him. No more, however, as you will be driving. John's response was a thank you mistress. He also understood that any argument would result in having the privilege of a glass of wine taken away.

We may not use whips or chains in our relationship, but make no mistake about it, I rule John's life in its entirety. Freedom may be a good thing for some men. However, freedom for everyone is a generality that louses its meaning in the world of submissive men. For the submissive man craves female control, female authority in every aspect of his life. It is what his God made him for. For John I am the earthly representative of the Goddess who made him. Is this healthy? Is he happy living this way? Are we piling too much Pizza on top of the femdom relationship? These are all questions that I ask my self every so often.

What I do know is that becoming John's mistress has saved our marriage. What I also know is that I love this man. He is the father of my children, and I can not imagine life without him. And yes, as with oysters, I have learned to enjoy being my man's mistress.

Love you for reading.


Kathy

A Storm In Coming.

With the storm coming in there is not really a lot to do.

Earlier this week I gave John permission to purchase one of these Femdom guides that are becoming quite popular. From what I can tell he is very impressed with the lady who has written it. He tells me that she was a dominatrix as well as a lifestyle mistress to her husband until the time of his death. He also told me that one of her techniques for making the dominatrix experience real was very similar to what Mistress Tara did in the studio. It is interesting that years later he can not say Tara  without inserting the mistress word in front of her name. She may have been a for hire mistress, but she had a profound effect on him. A part of my challenge as John's wife and mistress was to live up to the bar she had set.

Every once in a while a child may say some words that mean a great deal to a parent. It goes back to when Becky was a teenager. A boy whom she was sweet on rejected her for another girl. It was a devastating experience for her. They had plans to attend the prom together, and all of a sudden he was making excuses. Wet talked a lot. I understood what she was going through. I also understood that the feelings for this one particular boy were transitory. Whatever it was I said made her feel better about the situation. 'Mom, you are wonderful,' she told me, 'You are my mom and my best friend all wrapped up in one person'. Becky and I could always talk about things-things that her girlfriends would never talk with their mother's about.

In retrospect one of the things I did correctly was to talk with Becky about what was happening with her father. This didn't happen at first. It only happened after a couple of years of living in the femdom lifestyle. It took courage. Becky was surprisingly understanding. She was supportive. 'I don't understand it, she told me, but if it makes you and daddy happy I am for it she told me. Back then I was more of a dominatrix than I was a mistress wife. I was strict with John. My feelings was such that men could not be trusted. My belief was that John's behavior needed to be monitored twenty four hours a day. She even offered to help. If you are ever away and want me to check on daddy I can do it, she told me. We need to stick together she once told me. But, back then I was not ready to involve Becky in what was my situation. Over the years I have learned to trust her judgment as it was my own.

The email from my friend saying we are our Mother's Daughters reminded me that femdom is not a mental sickness that should be hidden from the family. There is a place for adult daughters to learn about femdom. There is a time in life for them to  to take 'charge' of their fathers. It is a learning experience. It is a part of the process of maturing into women. The other day I received  an email from a long time reader who told me that he and his wife just returned from a trip to Italy.
From what I understand their relationship could be described as light femdom. While in Italy, he tells me, both he and his wife more or less forgot about femdom. The sad part is that this couple was in Italy traveling with their daughter who was a student there. What a wonderful time, I thought, for the mom to introduce the concept of female authority to their daughter.

Love you for reading.


Kathy

A Storm Is Coming

Where John and I live it is one of those strange days. The news casters say a storm is coming in.
Yet, by comparisons to previous storms this one is expected to be quite mild. Yesterday our neighbor Carol called on the cell. Would you mind sending John over to help her husband move some outdoor furniture she asked. Of course not, I replied, he will be rite over. What is it about our relationship that told her that it was not necessary to ask John, just me, I wondered.

Thank all of you for the great comments. Yes, like oysters, femdom is an acquired taste. And yes femdom looks and feels different from the inside than it does from the outside. And, words do have meaning. In the beginning it is difficult for a wife to think of her husband as her slave. One of my girl friends from Tara days emailed me in response to the recent series. You know Kathy, she said, we are our mother's daughters. We grow up with a sense of values and attitudes. In the eyes of our mothers we all want to be seen as good girls. While much of this is fine it sometimes keeps us from exploring alternative ways of living.

In the real world there is no reason why a woman can not be head of house as well as mistress to her man. There is really no law of nature against it. It is just the way we were raised. Like a good Catholic girl who goes to mass every Sunday because that's what her mother did and what she was taught was the right thing to do. Women feel guilty for not being the wife that they were conditioned to be as little girls. 'Good girls don't do that' we were told.

This morning John brought in my coffee as usual. As usual I had him kneel in front of my writing desk for a few minutes while we talked. 'Is there anything special I should do', he asked. He was talking in reference to the storm. 'No honey', I responded, 'I think you picked up everything yesterday'. 'Would you like permission to play golf today', I teasingly asked him. 'No thank you, mistress' he replied with a grin. What is most important in our relationship is letting John know that I love him. And, almost as important is to let him know each and every day that I am the boss. It is important for him to understand that as mistress and head of house I do as I please, In the same way it is just as important for him to be reminded that he does as told. Having him spend a few minutes on his knees is a gentle way of reminding him of his place in our relationship.


Love, Kathy

The Pizza Story.

One of the things about femdom is that it operates on so many different levels. The intensity of a femdom relationship maybe be relatively mild where by it consist principally of games and play dates. On those special days the wife plays the part of the mistress while the husband cleans house.
For a little bit of excitement the wife may add a flogger, or have her guy crawl around on all fours.
She may even wear special clothes while the guy remains naked. Yet, when the play session is over both husband and wife go back to their normal way of life. As long as this play works for everyone there is certainly nothing wrong with it. As a practical matter play of this type can serve as a gateway for expanding the boundaries of what a couple is willing to try. It is not unusual for a wife to find that she enjoys giving her husband a list of house hold duties to perform while she goes out with friends. In a sense this type of play adds a dose of reality to the relationship.

Sometime last year I received an email from a young lady who was in the early 'play' stage of her femdom experience. Out of the blue her husband asked if she would take away his credit cards and put him on an allowance. 'Why would he ask for that' was her question to me.  The answer to that question was very simple. The husband was looking for real control from his wife. And, for many men femdom games are just a start as to what they are looking for. My question to this lady was simply how do you feel about controlling the money. In a sense this activity of controlling the money was like adding a big spoonful of source to the pizza. The response from this lady was that she was ok with controlling the money as long as it didn't become a bone of contention between them.

As this lady and I emailed back in forth she mentioned that controlling the money was not a strange activity for her as her mother did the same when she was a child. What I suggested to her was to make the control more real by adding a separate checking account in her name only. And, every pay day have the money transferred from the joint account to her individual account. I also suggested that if there was a separate saving account or investment account have it in her name only. And, as a big step forward she might consider having her husband's weekly allowance tied directly to completion of his chore list. 'While, would he really go for that.' she asked me.

This lady and her husband were already in the habit of doing a Saturday morning play date. What all of their play dates involved I have no idea. What I suggested to her was to use the playdate as a special time to talk about his 'behavior'. Talk about his chore list for the week. Did he vacuum the house? Did he pick up the dishes after dinner? Was he on time for work? Did he louse his temper during the week? What was his overall attitude toward the chores. If you brought a girl friend over to watch a movie was he polite to her? For the most part I made the suggestion to build the chore list according to Her wants and Her needs. At the end of the week I suggested the idea of a special time for them to talk. It could be a part of their Saturday play date or not, but the suggestion to her was to keep the talk real. I even discouraged her from doing the talk in some type of a fake mistress voice.
By keeping the voice natural, I suggested, her husband would began to consider her natural feminine tone as his voice of authority. Was this something she could live with, I asked. Yes was the reply, I think.

What I was trying to do was to stress the idea that femdom needs to be about both you and him. If he wants true unbridled authority from the wife, what is it that she wants, I asked. Her response was along the lines that performing household chores was nice, but she wanted her husband to be more than just a maid who worked for an allowance. I didn't hear anything back from this lady for several months. In the updated email she told me that she gave up the entire femdom experiment. Yes, she told me that her husband was great around the house. It was nice to come home to a clean house. It was nice to have a husband who did the laundry, and allowed her time to visit with friends, but the reality was something she couldn't accept.

After dinner one evening she turned on the television while her husband was picking up the dishes and otherwise cleaning up the kitchen. Upon completion of his duties he came into the living room, knelt in front of her, and thanked her for allowing him to be her slave. Upon hearing the slave word, she lost it. At that moment, she realized, the femdom aspect of her relationship had gravitated too far from the fantasy into the reality. In the words of the commenter their was too much pizza in the relationship. That has to be a balance between what she wants and what  he wants. Or just maybe the correct words should be between his needs and what she is willing to give.

Love you all for reading.


Kathy

The Pizza Story

Thank all of you for sharing.

Earlier this afternoon I posted  the comments that had been made over the last couple of weeks.

One of my favorite comments was the one that could be entitled the Pizza Story. There was enough truth in it to cause me to think about things. Over the years I have indeed thought often about femdom. Is it normal? Is it healthy for men to live in submission to their wives? We could go on asking these questions all day long, but I am not sure there are any easy answers.

In one of my earliest visits with John's mistress she told me that he was very submissive. She went on to say that he was one of the most naturally submissive men she had ever had the pleasure of working with. On the long drive home that evening I thought about her words. There was a part of those words that caused me to cry. From the conversation she told me that he had made of virtual mental pilgrimage of hiding his submissive side from the rest of the world. Why, I asked. Most of all he wanted to appear manly in my eyes she told me. Was my man some freak of nature, I wondered. No, was the response. Come visit with me, she offered. Come work with me, she again proposed. Come see men in their true state without the protective shield that society demands they wear.

The question then becomes is male submission normal or is it a disorder. By giving him the pizza am I just encouraging him to eat more, or am I giving him the food for life that his spirit needs. What I believe is that each woman needs to make this decision on her own.

Love you,


Kathy

Wash Day....

What I would tell almost any woman who writes to me is that taking your guy for panty shopping is such a delightful experience that it shouldn't be missed. If you are overly embarrassed by taking direct part in this activity have your guy walk into the store separately. You can pretend that you don't know him, and still have delicious fun watching from a distance.

For my guy an experience such as panty shopping operates on many levels. There is the humiliation which he loves. From a practical prospective panty shopping is a way of pushing his boundaries. This is an activity he wants to perform, but on his own would never find the courage to do it. When an order from mistress make it a requirement he must find the courage. I was looking for the right words to describe the feeling when I received an email from a long time reader. Several years ago I gave him something of a simple learning experience in the form of an assignment. He described the result  as both humiliating and as a rush.

The experience I gave this gentlemen was to write a few lines and to perform a version of corner time. In theory these actives could be done on his own so there should not have been any meaneful degree of humiliation. However, since the lines involved Becky, I showed her his work. Of course she laughed at the idea of a man she didn't know performing this punishment. From what I can gather this response sent him 'over the moon' as Thomas likes to say. The concept of a 'rush' combined with a feeling of humiliation is something women don't understand. In the right context it can be used as the basis of a training tool for some men. It is not punishment, but it has the effect of reminding your guy that you are the mistress and what you say goes. As a mistress wife what you expect is unquestioned obedience.

The little exchange with this gentlemen reminded me another conversation with Becky. Her relationship is younger, more fluid, and more complicated than mine. We were talking about practices and techniques of maintaining control. She said, 'You know mom what works best for me is being the person who defines David's activities'. 'Aside from work I control all of his time', she told me. From a practical prospective David no longer has any say about what he does, when he does what, or even about our social  life. Last Saturday he happened to have a conversation with a neighbor. The gentlemen said to David we will see you tonight.  Looking puzzled the man said we are scheduled to have dinner at such and such restaurant. When he relayed the conversation to me I realized that I had completely forgotten to tell him about our dinner plans. On the other hand the realization hit me that telling Davis in advance was not necessary as he goes where and when he is told.

What I have always stressed to Becky is that men want you to be the mistress. They want you to control their lives. In a sense it becomes your obligation to push their boundaries.

My thoughts on this Saturday morning.

Wash Day...

In the earlier part of this series a comment was made that it is time for femdom to transition from something of a fetish to a lifestyle. I could not agree more. It may seem strange to many of you, but in my opinion it is the women who are rejecting the lifestyle more than the men. For every one woman who writes to me there are ten men who are interested in exploring it. More than anything else there is an obsessives with punishment in popular femdom liataure. While there is a place for punishment femdom books seem to specialize in whips, nipple torture and almost any evil device that has been known to medieval mankind. In my opinion it is this aspect of popular culture that turns women off to the concept of female leadership in the home.

All of you know I enjoyed reading book three of Dancing Backwards. I enjoyed it for the story line which was well thought out and for the description of the femdom families. If most of the whips and chain stuff had been taken out I would have enjoyed the book even more. Why is it that we must somehow associate female leadership with punishment. Once again there is a place for punishment, but it is not all pervasive in our relationships. In my relationship punishment takes second place to positive reinforcement. And, when punishment is used it is likely to be corner time or a withdrawal of privileges rather than the whip.

Some of you may ask if I even own a whip. Hanging on our bedroom wall is the old riding crop that
John and I took out of my uncle's born. Earlier readers of the blog will remember the story of my uncle and the dogs he raised for hunting. While John is responsible for keeping the leather soft and shinny, the crop has never been used on him. It is not who I am. Even my daughter who began femdom with disciplinary spankings of her husband tells me that positive reinforcement works so much better. And, I for one can see the difference in her guy. He remains respectful of her, yet he is no longer nervous in her presence. Like my John he takes his pleasure from pleasing her. Most of his pain come from knowing that in a certain situation his efforts have fallen short.

This past spring I asked Becky about how she was doing. 'You know, mom', she said 'I can take charge of David without the hairbrush spankings'. She went on to say that he is a naturally submissive man, he wants to do as I tell him, and with the right discipline tools there is no need for the spankings.' What I noticed in her was a higher degree of self confidence. And, as I have said many times on this blog, self confidence if the key to being an effective mistress for a man. I can even see this in how she interacts with her father. She is very self assured. If she tells her father to do something she expects him to comply. You may recall the earlier posting in this series when I asked john who it was that Kelly reminded him of. I expected him to say me, but responded with Becky.
As in the story Becky has the same type of confidence that Kelly shows in interacting with her father.
When they are together she is the boss and they both know it.

For femdom to become mainstream we need to find the courage to talk with our daughters. We need to find the courage to be more open about our lifestyle. We need to have them understand that this is not some type of a lifestyle invented on an outer planet, but that real people here on earth are living it.

What do all of you think?


Love, Kkathy

Wash Day..

While, thank all of you for responding so nicely to the last posting. And, Alex you are so sweet to remember my special love of poetry.  And, yet another yes for at least for a little while my heart is back into the blog.

For a few seconds my inclination was to open up more with Carol about our special lifestyle. John would have been happy to hear me talk about him as my submissive. Yet, once a comment is made it can never be taken back. And, for sure, what I don't want is for all of my neighbors to know that John lives as my submissive. What is special about the blog is that it gives me a place to talk about our life style while maintaining a certain degree of privacy.

The post from yesterday reminded me that we often take life a little too seriously. We need to play more. Yesterday afternoon I decided to take John out for a panty expedition at the plus size store. He didn't really need them, but the sweetness of his dilemma in these situations is so cute. He loves the feeling of manly humiliation when I tell the sales girl that the panties are for him. Yesterday she responded with something like oh fine, we have some nice ones on sale- three for twenty two dollars- what size does he take. 'Size ten', I said. For those of you who don't know that is a rather large size. It confirms to her that the panties really are for him.

Pretending I don't understand which panties are on sale I casually asked you mean those over there. She then lead us over to the appropriate display. 'Thank you', I once again  respond. 'I hope you are not embarrassed to have a male customer''. I offer in an apologetic tone. ' No' she responds with a giggle, 'you would be surprised by the number of men we have in here'. She goes on to say that the men often pretend to be buying  for a girlfriend, but you can tell!  Working with John we sorted through the collection. Picking up a pair I would say to John these would look cute on you as I watch his face turn a rosy shade of red. When the young lady returns I ask 'should he wash these by hand? When the buying decision is finally made I hand John thirty dollars telling him to pay at the register. Since there was a little bit of a line I used the opportunity to ask him if there was anything else he needed while we were in the store.

Many of you may think of me as a cruel bitch for putting John through this exercise. Yet, for my husband there are fewer things in life that he enjoys more than shopping in the plus size store. He feeds on the humiliation. He loves the feeling of being out there as something of a sissie in front of  women. In my heart I know that John is one of the strongest men I have ever met. When I am with him I feel safe. Some of you may remember the post about us walking in a dark part of the city when two men approached us. He stood in front of me as my protector. He stared them down. Yes, he may be a sissie, but he is my sissie, and I love him for his gentleness.

This morning John brought my coffee decked out in his new panties. 'Very, very cute', I responded.
'Turn around  so I can see how they fit'. I told him. 'So nice', I offered. 'Its such a shame that Carol can't see them when she comes over', I teased him. 'Or maybe she can', I wondered out loud.
'As you wish, mistress', John responded. I snapped my fingers putting him in Command Position to go over his chore list for the morning. When we were finished I had him repeat everything back to me. I then asked him if there was anything else. John responded with 'I love you, mistress'.  I then told him to be a good obedient slave for me, and dismissed him with a firm clap of my hands. He knows, however, that those three special words always brings out my softer side even when the voice is stern and the clap firm. Have no doubt about it, but John is both my slave and my protector as well as the love of my life.

Love Kathy

Wash Day.

I hope that some of you found the last posting helpful.

Over the last few years there has been so much written about the so called dominant woman. It makes you wonder who she really is, and what it is that she wants. While there maybe such a thing as a naturally dominant woman they are few and far between. What I have said in the past is that being a mistress to a man is a learning experience. Yes, of course, it helps to have a high degree of self confidence. If also helps to have a bit of a fun loving eclectic personality. By that I mean someone who is open to experimentation. I think it also helps if she is a little playful. Learning to be the mistress without showing your 'fun' side can be tough. Believe me, I know, because in the beginning that was me.

Working in the studio I learned to be stern with men. However, I also learned to have fun by playing with them. It was fun to tease them-play silly games with them or just lead them around on a leash.
There was also a time to have them kneel at your feet for serious conversations. And, believe me these men would tell me things that they would never confess to their wives. But, taken all together most of them were sweet and very respectful. As a mistress in training I relished the place of honor these men gave me. For most of them I was something of a goddess who descended from up high.

What I quickly learned was that the secret to being a good studio mistress was to listen and to show self confidence. It wasn't necessary to be beautiful or to have a great figure. Of course, in the femdom books the heroine is almost always a great beauty with a divine figure. Kelly, in Dancing Backwards is one of these heavenly examples of  femininity here on earth. Most of you will never find a Kelly in real life. My guess is that she doesn't really exist. Yet, does it mean that the average woman you meet on the street or in a college class can't be the woman who finds the courage to put a collar around your neck. And, make no mistake about it as I am of the old school which means prior to the advent of modern chastity devices. A collar, both figuratively and literally is what most submissive men want and what they need for true happiness. If I forget to tell John to wear his collar he will usually ask me for permission.

One of the things that Thomas gets correctly is that most submissive men want to wear their mistresses collar. Whenever possible John loves to show it off. It is a statement of ownership, and he wants people to know that he is owned. In a convenience store last month a lady asked him 'who put the dog collar around his neck'. He proudly responded that he lives as his wife's slave, and the collar is a symbol of her authority over him. 'Well, now I have seen everything' she responded to him.
You might think he would be embarrassed to show the collar in public, yet I am the one who insist his shirt cover most of it.

In the studio environment I had no problem with taking a collared and leashed client for a walk about or into a little shop for a look see. The studio was in something of a bohemian neighborhood, and after all it was the man who was leashed. My attitude was something like why should I be embarrassed when he is the creature who stands there on public display. Yet, a husband is different from a client who is simply paying for your services. A husband is a part of you.

And, while I am not really the advice person what I would tell any man who want to talk with his wife about femdom is to remember the last line of the above paragraph. You, as a husband are part of her.


Love you,


Kathy

Wash Day

Over the last year or so the morning coffee with Carol, our neighbor, has developed into an everyday tradition. On odd numbered days she usually comes to our home where by on even days the coffee is at her place. This morning was kind of a busy day for John in that the coffee time in our home got mixed up with his primary laundry day. This is not the first time for such a coincidence, but it is the first time for Carol to make an observation about John's household service.

In so many words Carol remarked that I am extremely fortunate to have a husband who is  helpful around the house. She went on to say that her husband could never be trusted to take care of her washing. He doesn't even understand the importance of separating darks from lights much more the concept of a gentle cycle for her more delicate things. 'Yes, my sweetie is a real peach', I responded with a coy smile. But, for some reason I decided to go a little further with my response. 'But, you know it is really about the training', I responded. With that remark I had Carol's attention.

Once the remark about training came out of my mouth it was too late to quit without telling her a little more abut our relationship. 'Well, you know, since John retired he does almost all of the housework' I told her. 'That's wonderful', Carol responded. What I started to say was that John enjoys serving me, but bit my tongue before the words came out of my mouth. Instead, I simply responded that John enjoys being helpful. 'He likes making me happy', I remarked with a bright smile. At that moment I decided to change the conversation. 'Honey', I called to John, 'come give
us a warm up'.

Laying his folding down for a moment John quickly came into the breakfast area, picked up the pot, brought it over, and refilled our cups. What attracted Carol's attention was the quickness of his service, his smile, and his pleasantness with doing this simple task. 'Yes, I see what you mean', Carol responded. We went on to gossip about the other neighbors, but John was in seventh heaven.
Reflecting on this little incident made me think of Thomas's book, Dancing Backwards. One of the things he gets right in the book is that submissive men take a great pleasure in serving their mistresses.

I will also add that Part 3 of the book was a great story. While I don't usually care for thee femdom books this was an exception.  As John told me back in January it is over the top in many ways, but he had a good time picking out the truisms in the book.

Love you all for reading.  Love you for sharing. Love you even more for being good and faithful husbands or boyfriends to the lady in your life. My advice is to respect her as a mistress, but love her as a wife.


Kathy

Thursday Morning

Good morning to all of you.

For whatever reason I found the courage to open the computer this morning to the blog. I am not really sure what to say. I reread the last posting along with the comments. The comments were all great and should have been the basis of further discussion. Yet, for some reason I was not in a mood to talk about them. I looked briefly at the I'm Hers blog. He also has been in something of a funk.
I have not yet found the courage to open emails, but I imagine there are hundreds of them.

Over the years I have written and written about femdom. In the very beginning it was a mystery to me. In simplest terms there are some men who need a lady in their life to tell them what to do.
She can be a wife, a girlfriend, an adult daughter or even a paid professional. And, over the years, I have discovered that some men are more submissive than others. On a scale of one to ten my husband is a ten plus. Does that mean I love him any less. The answer is no. It does mean, however, that I need to be aware of his special needs and structure our relationship in such a way that we both can be happy living as a couple.

One of the special things about our relationship is the intensity of the femdom dynamics. My introduction to femdom was anything but gradual. In a very short time the studio experience gave me a graduate level look into the minds of submissive men. The big questions I had to answer for my self was could I love a submissive man and secondarily could I live with one. The answer for me was yes, but that is not true for all women. Over the years there have been many women who have written to me to say they have tried it, but it simply doesn't work for them.

At the moment I am not sure where the blog is going or even if it will continue. I have written as much as one person should write about a subject. The core message of Femdom 101 is that femdom is about love and caring. Yes, there can be a place for punishment and even for spanking, but the core message is still about love, commitment, and understanding. Some of you may recall a posting from the early years of the blog regarding a woman who brought her husband to the studio for over night kenneling. She would arrive by taxi all dressed up for a night out on the town. She would then deliver her leashed husband to one of the mistresses. The story was that she had an over night date with her lover, and wanted her husband out of the way until morning. At the time I wondered what type of a man would put up with something like this.

About a year ago this woman contacted me on the blog. What she told me was that there was no lover. Her husband needed something she could not give him. The way out for her was to make up a story and let the paid mistresses handle him for the evening. She would then make up a story about what a good lover she had. As she did not want to talk about her husband with a friend most of these evenings out were spent by her self alone in a movie theater. She could not be the mistress or the so called hot wife her husband needed, but she found a way to keep him happy. When the studio closed she actually hired a young woman to serve as his mistress. She tells me that her husband loved the humiliation of having his wife deliver him into the hands of a mistress.

A novice might ask why did this woman do this. The answer is simple. She loved him, and he needed something she was not prepared to give. What I do believe the world needs is more younger woman who are prepared to take the reigns of their marriage in hand and lead their families to a healthier life style. The so-called new age male is more than willing to give up the traditional role of family leadership for the privilege of living under female authority. In fact he craves it.

Love you all for reading.

Love Kathy

Dancing Backwards.

This morning I was up early.  For some reason I just couldn't sleep. With nothing on the agenda it was a good time for me to review emails. There was one there from Thomas Lavelle that had been lurking in my inbox for several days. Although I have not yet read book two or three of his series, I have read a number of his writings. He is one of my favorite authors. Not so much for what he says, but for the way he makes me feel. More than many other authors Thomas seems to understand the dynamics of femdom relationships. Dancing Backwards, book three, is a work of fiction. Yet,  John tells me that the book contains what he calls a lot of truisms. Yes, he tells me that while the book exaggerates it does carry a kind of message that resonates with him.

As a very submissive man John tells me he can identify with the primary male character by the name of Chris. In the book Chris is Kelly's slave.  In much of the same way John thinks of himself as my slave, and indeed that is a reasonable description of our relationship. As I write this posting john is busying himself with laundry and house hold duties that have been assigned to him. And, he is well aware that I as his mistress will do a through inspection of his work. At the end of the day John understands that his only reward for doing a great job of cleaning will be a 'good boy', or maybe the privilege of worshiping my feet. Yet, this is all of the reward that a truly submissive man yeans for. John, like the fictional character in the book takes a very special joy in service to his mistress.

'What did you like about the book', I asked john. 'Well, he said it was a good story'. He went on to tell me that there was a real plot with twist and turns that could be made into a Hollywood movie. Just when you thought the book would be ending the script would change. He went on to say that the primary female character was over the top in a lot of ways, but in many other ways she was real. In which ways I asked. For one thing the book showed that Kelly truly loved her male slave.
She may have abused him in way that a real mistress wife would not have, but it made for fun reading he told me.  In the end  you could feel her love for Chris as well as Chris's absolute devotion to her.  This was an aspect of the book that John really liked. Yes, my baby has his softer side.

One of the questions I asked John was about Kelly. Did she remind him of any real woman he knows. In some ways I expected him to respond that Kelly reminded him of a younger version of me. Instead, he responded that Kelly reminded him of our daughter, Becky. 'Why, how, in what way' I asked with a surprise look. In the book male characters were generally expected to curtsy to the women. He related a story of a few years back to shed some light on what he was thinking. We were visiting Becky's home. We had finished dinner. John told me that he and David were in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes and such. But, they were talking as 'boys' often do when the women are not present. As he put it they were taking their time.  Becky came into the kitchen with a stern look on her face. She told us to quickly finish up as it was time to put the children to bed.  Both David and I responded with a quick curtsy and a 'yes ma'am' John told me. It was apparently one the first times Becky felt confident enough to give John an instruction, and it made the curtsy seem so natural.

How many of you have gotten into the book? Any thoughts?
Love, Kathy
.

Dancing Backwards

Yes, I just the other day received an email from Thomas Lavelle.

For those of you who do not remember he was the author of the original novel by the name of
Dancing Backwards. He has now completed a three book series by the same name.

Several months ago we had  very good discussion related to another book. It is my hope that a few of you will read the series and advice me on whether this might be a good book for us to talk about on the blog.

The criteria I use.

Must be about femdom.
It must make you think about the lifestyle.
It must not all be about sex. A little about sex is ok.
Very little about spanking.
It must be interesting and fun to read.

Please let me know.


Love, Kathy

Good Morning All

Those of you who are looking for profound thoughts this morning will be disappointed.

Opening the computer this morning I was very pleased with the comments. For the mot part I agree with them. What was interesting is that the comments more or less touched on evolution.

In the past we have talked about the what is called the new age male. But, what does that mean.
I am not exactly sure, but my suspicion is that he is more loving and more gentle than his grandfather.
He takes pride in pleasing the lady in his life. And, by pleasing we are not necessarily talking about sexual issues as much as doing a good job on the laundry or of cleaning her house, and maybe taking care of her car. He may not only bring her flowers, but hopes that she gives him flowers for a special occasion.

It would please me to know who is reading the blog at this moment. If you are looking at the computer as this is posted take a moment to post or email to kathy4563@gmail.com. If nothing else just to say good morning and tell me what you are doing today. And it you have a moment tell me, would you like your wife to give you flowers? One of my girlfriends sent flowers to her husband at work. He loved them.


Love, Kathy

Some Thoughts on the First Day Of The New Year

Good morning to all of you.

There are so many good things to talk about that it is bringing me back to the computer. However, in truth the summer of 2018 was my time to detox from everything electronic. A recent comment was related to the fact that I no longer comment on the comments. The reason is that it takes so much time. However, commenting on the comments is a wonderful way to stimulate discussion, and that is what this blog is all about.  For some of you, the early readers, this blog was your introduction to the world of female led relationships.

On the Today show this morning there was an interesting segment dedicated to female leaders. It was on my office television this morning when John brought in my first cup of coffee. How many of those women are also mistresses to their husbands I wondered out loud to my sweetie. Knowing he would like to watch the segment I had him sit on the floor  next to my desk We  had a little discussion as it was going on. I jokingly made the statement that he could have lived with any of those women as his mistress. Yes, it was a joke, but with more than just a little bit of truth to it.

Last night we had a few neighbors over for cocktails and a snacks. Most of the guys wanted to watch the football game, and that was fine. We chatted, we laughed and had a good time. For most of us the little gathering marked the official end of this holiday season. As I prepare this posting John is busy with the clean up work. Like Miss Tina's husband John has developed the skill set to be a very good maid. He blushes when I tell him that in front of Carol. Men are so cute when they blush.

One of the other commenters suggested that I should look at the Think Tank blog this morning as there were some interesting post on it. There were several new post from guest authors, and I enjoyed reading all of them. My one concern was related to one of the post that clearly stated that men should be considered as inferior to women. That concert bothered me  more than just a little as I do not think that is the direction for femdom writers to take. Just because one person is in charge of another person does not make either one  inferior to the other. My Husband is one of the smartest people I have ever met. As an engineer he has built amazing structures, and has a grasp of the world that most political leaders with envy. He is smart, he is creative, and above all he had the good sense to marry me.  Just teasing, but yes may there is some truth in that statement.

In a more pluralistic society where there are many viable choices of lifestyle femdom is gaining traction. Will it ever become socially acceptable in the same way as other alternate lifestyle choices? I am not sure, but my suspicion is that men are starting to talk about femdom with other men.  John's golf partner is a good example. It started last year some time. Some of you may remember the posting. As part of a punishment  I forbid John from playing golf on this one occasion. However, the bigger part of the punishment for him was to tell his friend that he couldn't play because I would not give him permission. It hurt to tell his friend that, I know, and that is why he was made to say it.

Sometimes things work out in  different way. When he next played golf his friend  brought up the subject in a delicate way. While I don't know much aobut the discussion John's golfing friend was asking some interesting questions. And, as John tells me, he admitted to his friend I am in fact his mistress as well as his wife. In some ways Johns tells me that his friend is envious as well as simply interested.

Love you all for reading. Love your selves for who you are and for all of the blessing God has given to you.


Kathy