Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Back To Basics-Conclusion

There were a couple of emails that criticized me for not concluding the last series in a more formal manner.  Let me say that reading the comments was a learning experience. It was especially interesting to have Key as a commenter and contributor. It any of you haven't read his book, I recommend it. Everyone in a female led relationship, male or female, can get something out of it.
For John and I it was the pledge.  Words have meaning. Saying them out loud to a spouse has a way of crystalizing that meaning in a way that is more real and personal.

In the book Key talks about the weekly meeting. Yes, this is something John and I have been doing for quite some time. And yes, in my opinion men should be kept on their knees for this meeting.
Keeping a man on his knees has a way of reminding him of his place. It also helps him to focus on the discussion at hand. If the meeting is long enough for his knees to start hurting allow him to sit back for a few minuets or so. Either way end  the meeting with him on his knees, and give him the opportunity to kiss your feet as a reward for being a good husband. Every man I ever talked with appreciates the opportunity of kissing the feet of his mistress. Why, I don't know, but they do.

In my opinion a mistress wife never really dominates a man. As mentioned earlier I dislike the term dominate. It seems to imply that you are forcing a man to do things against his will. A mistress wife provides the submissive husband the freedom to be the man he wants to be. Along the way there are rules and protocol that enable a man to do things Her way. I love the way Key capitalizes certain expressions. It makes the point that the husband tends to live in Her world rather than She in his world. The truly submissive man wants to accept Her guidance, Her judgment, and Her way of doing things.

In an earlier post it was mentioned that John opened up a bit to his regular golf partner about our life style. 'Do you always agree with her', he asked. John's response was not always, but most of the time.
'Do you offer an opinion', was the next question. 'Yes, if she ask for one' was John's reply, 'but she does not always ask'. There are times when I want John's opinion. More often than not I will sound out Becky or one of my girlfriends. John's friend asked if he ever became annoyed with me, and if so how did he handle it. John told me that he gave his friend the same advice that he once gave to David.
There may be times that you are frustrated or angry, but the best thing to do is to bite your tongue and think 'yes mistress' ever if you don't say it aloud.

In the book Key seems to think that female judgment is superior. If it is or not I am not really sure.
What is important is for the husband to believe that his wife's judgment is superior to his. This is at least true for matters of the home and the family. And, in that regard I truly believe that my thinking is more on queue than Johns.

It has been several weeks since I read Key's book, but a question that comes up time after time is what do you get out of being John's mistress. Yes, a clean house is nice, and help with the laundry makes things easier, but a woman doesn't marry  a man because she wants a house maid. On that first day without John I cried. That big house that once filled with children, dogs, and a loving man was now empty. There was no longer a 'we', there was only a he and a she. And, in the book Key seems to capture the importance of there being a we.

The question than comes up about what I wanted in a femdom relationship. The answer is simple. I wanted the love of my husband. For me and for many of us the most important thing in life that determines happiness is love. Money is important, and so is health. Yet, without John at my side the other things in life mean little. As strange as it seems I was on a guilt trip. Why didn't John have the confidence to talk with me about his submissive needs. Why didn't  I notice that he needed more control. And then much later in life John opened up about the way Becky tended to lead him when they were together. Of course, it was long after the fact, but this story tended to create some additional feelings of guilt. Could it be that this young lady, our daughter, was actually more of a mistress to him than I had been.

From working with Tara I quickly learned that John needed a mistress. And, I also understood that if I wanted John back in my life I would need to be that mistress. I was not going to be one of those wives who drove their husband to the dominatrix for an afternoon romp. In the beginning I was more of a mistress than a mistress-wife. Although I loved john, and wanted him back as a fixture in my life, there was a matter of trust. He had broken the bonds of our marriage. Men, I told Becky need to be watched. While John has worked hard to rebuild my trust there are issues that will never be quite the same. As I tell Becky know what David is doing at all times and know who he is doing it with. If he is playing golf learn the names of his golfing friends, their wives, and phone numbers. In earlier years there were evenings with friends as well as business dinners. The alarm codes for our home were set in such a way that John could not leave without me knowing about it. And, of course, without permission he was not allowed to leave the house.

While restricting the alarm codes to the house is above and beyond, what I have learned is that John appreciates the controls on his personal freedom. It may just be a submissive thing, but men want to know that you are watching them. They want to know that mistress is looking at the history tab on their computer, the millage on their car as well as restricting the amount of spendable cash in their possession. When you are together the best place for a husband's wallet is in your purse. John once commented that a young teenage boy on our block had more personal freedom and spendable cash than he had. Yes, I told him, and it will stay that way. The thing is that we both like it that way. He wants and needs that control. He is a typical man and I love him for it.

Love, Kathy