Conversations.

Thank all of you for contributing to the blog by way of comments. Since the last posting John and I have had several discussions related to what we call Rules of the House. By looking at the various sites John clearly violated the Rules. He understands this. He also understands that his actions caused me pain and anguish. It is important for me to be able to trust John. He is my husband and the love of my life. Too many marriages fail because of a lack of trust. Although John was punished it is my hope that the most effective penance was his understanding of the hurt his actions caused.

In the conversation I asked John if deep down he wanted to be caught looking at those porn sites.
His answer I felt was truthful. He was not sure, he responded. A part of him wanted to be caught and punihsed. Since retirement we have put less effort into our marriage. And, femdom like any other relationship requires a certain amount of effort. What I need is for John to show me his love. What John needs is for me to show him control and authority.  In a real sense John has the need to be kept under my thumb in a way that is difficult for women to understand. This is why, I believe, so many women have an issue with accepting femdom relatisonships. We just don't understand them.

One of my first thoughts was to give John lines to write as part of his punishment. In the past this has been an effective punishment in that he absolutely hates lines. On the other hand I wanted something more constrcutive. Becky suggested something along the lines of an essay. She told me that an essay has worked for her. She sat her husband down in a quite room with a paper and pen.
Her instructions to him were simple. 'Write about what happened and why', she told him. Becky told me that the assignment worked out better than she thought it would. Her husband put a lot of effort into the assignment. It gave her a better understanding of his thought process as well as his needs.
She then used the essay as a basis of their discussion.

Men often complain that they have most difficult time understanding what women want. By the same token women have a difficult time understanding their men. It becomes especially difficult with submissive men. Yes, of course, they need control, but how much control? How much freedom should you allow them? Should an older daughter ever be put in charge of them?  This question has again come to me in an email. And, most critical is about trust. How much should you trust a man to be on his best behavior. And, as a mistress wife what is in the relationship for me. 'I want to be his wife, not his mother', is the comment that routinely comes into my email box.

Without going into detail John poured his heart out into the essay. Many of the comment were quite close to the mark. In a sense he felt that I no longer cared about being his mistress. He felt lost. He felt as though his service to me has been taken for granted. 'I no longer cared if the housekeeping was not properly done', he wrote. There were other things, but in essence he felt neglected. Can any of you identify with this? This is an important issue is femdom relationships that needs to be addressed.

Love you all reading my blog. Love you even more for sharing.


Kathy

Conversations

This far into the new year it is time to close out the Christmas series. It is my hope that all of you found it enjoyable, interesting, and most of all  helpful in your relationships. Above all else Femdom 101 is a relationship blog.  On occasion this is something that some of the readers fail to recognize. As one of my favorite authors has written words have meaning. Use of the right words can bring us together just as the wrong words serve to separate us. When talking with your spouse or partner think carefully before saying things. Just as a big steak needs to be carefully chewed and digested words deserve the same type of respect. The wrong words can be most damaging to a relationship. This is not an advice blog, but if it were the advice from Mistress would be to carefully select your words and chew on them a bit before letting them come our. Also, for the men my advice is to learn to listen.  As your mistress speaks think about what she is  really trying to tell you.

One of the things that I treasure most with Becky is our long conversations. After one of these conversations Becky paid me a compliment that sent my ego into high gear. 'Mom', she said, 'you are a mother, a sister and a friend all rolled up into one person. I was delighted. The compliment made me feel good. If not for our close relationship it is doubtful that she would ever have become a mistress to her husband. I would like to think she learned some things from me, but the truth is she has taught me much. And, as a younger wife and mother she is more open to fresh ideas.

It was not too long ago that Becky made a comment about her husband. 'He is a good man she told me, but he is still a man; and as such needs a certain amount of supervision'. 'Yes, I responded, as I have much of the same belief. As most of you have surmised John has not been punished in quite a long time. By enlarge our relationship works on a day to day basis, and John has become the most loving, obedient submissive husband  any woman could hope to have in her life. Yet, as Becky said to me, he is still a man and as a man requires a certain degree of supervision. My advice to the women is no matter how comfortable you are in a relationship always remember a man is still a man and a certain amount of supervision is necessary.

It had been quite some time since I last checked on John's computer history. For whatever reason I decided to take a surprise look in the days after Christmas. It was after John delivered my morning coffee that I instructed him to bring me his computer. By the surprised look on his face I could tell something was wrong.  Yes, as you may have guessed his history file showed sites that were not on his approved list. Yes, I was angry.  I was angry with him, but also mad at myself for forgetting one of the basis tenants of married life.  As Becky says to me he may be a wonderful man, but he is still a man, and as such supervision is required.

For the last several weeks we have been working through the computer issue. John broke my trust.  He disappointed me. Yet, he is still the man whom I love. As his mistress it is my duty to handle the situation as best I can.

Love you all for reading. Love you for even more for sharing.


Kathy