Follow Up

Once again thank all of you for contributing to the blog by way of comments and emails. There was an email from a young wife who is in the early stages of a female led relationship. What seemed to interest her the most was Command Position. 'Is it really possible to train a man to drop to the floor at the snap of your fingers', she asked. 'Yes', I responded, 'if he is truly submissive and is willing to give up control'. Trying Command Positon that evening she was amazed by the fact that her husband not only obeyed as directed, but showed eager willingness for more of the training. 'Who would ever think', she responded the next day. Her comment made me laugh. Between personal experiences and that of  the studio my observation has been that men love to be put under the physical control of a lady by this simple method. With daily drills, over weeks and months, men become conditioned to watching the hands of their mistress and following her non verbal commands. If you sometimes give your man a small treat for responding he will most probably learn faster. I believe the psychologist refer to this as operant conditioning.

After the first day or two this young wife discovered the amazing power that this simple technique of command Position provides to the mistress wife who is willing to use it. The key is repetition so both he and she become accustomed to the act. And yes, it may be in a gentle way, but men do fear a woman who is willing to discipline them with this tool. In the studio we used a variant of this  technique for a number of purposes. In a public situation it can make a man squirm. To help over come my own hesitation Tara reminded me on more than one occasion that it is the 'male' who must drop on command, not you. In other words there was nothing for the lady giving the command to be embarrassed about. As a studio helper it took me some time to get acquainted with the idea that this command should some times be given in a public venue. The men were taught that the longer the time to respond, the longer mistress would keep them in that self comprising position. Tara would sometimes take men on walks wearing 't' shirts that had the words 'her slave' printed on back and front.  Humiliation, especially in public, would send some men into a deep state of sub space where they would do practically anything. Why, I don't know, but I have seem it first hand.

Reading over the last postings John was a little surprised over how quickly they were written.
What I have found is that when writing about a subject that you are passionate about-care about- the words come easy, and the flow is natural. As much as I write many of you still do not understand how John and I live. For the record I am not some type of princess who relaxes all day while my husband slaves away in the house. Yes, he may do the majority of the house work, but I also do a fair amount. On Friday morning John makes me happy when he cleans the mistress bedroom and bathroom and changes the bed sheets. It is really our bedroom, but the mistress bedroom sounds much better on a femdom blog. And, I believe it provides John with a very good feeling to be  put in charge of taking care of our personal space.

But what many of you don't get is that John also makes me happy when he comes back from his golf game all smiles and lovey. Yes, I like my guy to get out the house, get fresh air, and stay active with male friends. But, my guy also understands that golf is a privilege that can be taken away from him if circumstances suggest a need to it. In the morning John makes me happy when he comes into my study with a cup of coffee. A little cream and very little sugar. A good slave knows how his mistress likes her coffee, and John is the best slave a mistress could ever own can. Some of you who are wondering whether the coffee service comes with a polite curtsy. Is there anything wrong with a husband curtsying to his wife. Is it an activity that some would describe as BDSM or is it a simple act of respect and devotion? That is a question for each of you to decide, but I love to see a man curtsy to his lady. For me it is a lovely gesture full of grace and beauty that says a great deal about the character of a man as well as his respect for women-especially those who are in authority over him.

Love, Kathy

Thanksgiving 2017

Thank all of you for the love and support during the year.

It is my hope this this blog has made some positive contribution to the lives of each and every one of you. For most men the femdom lifestyle creates challenges, but also adds to the richness of their lives. The same can be said for women, but the challenges and the rewards are different.

For women as well as men femdom offers a lifestyle of both commitment and of deep intimacy. A style of life which is truly unique and pleasing in varied ways. As Becky said we disconnected from the way we used to live and never looked back. And, 'do you ever regret it', I asked. 'No mom, we never regretted it' was the response. 'Yes, there were challenges to overcome', she told me, 'but the relationship is really based on caring'. 'Too much emphasis is placed on the idea of punishment' she once said to me.

One of things we agreed on was that the various blogs place far too much emphasis on the wife's obligation to punish. Yes, a wife's willingness to punish is a part of femdom, but so is love and caring. A submissive husband who demonstrates devotion to his wife and family on a day to day basis is a treasure. A husband who values intimacy is a special angel whom a woman can connect with in a spiritual as well as physical way.

Most of the blogs dwell on the obligations of the husband to his wife. What the blogs seem to neglect is the role of the husband as a father and role model for children. Even men with adult daughters want to keep the idea that mom is  head of family and his personal mistress as some sought of national secret. Why, I ask men such as I'm hers and others who openly blog about femdom's positives but neglect to share with their adult children. Femdom is not about sex unless you want to make it that way. Why is it that so many men want to deny that sense of richness to their adult children.

Having a an openly submissive father in law was the stimulus for David coming out to Becky. Even for them the transition from vanilla to femdom was a challenge. One day, Becky says, that femdom may become almost as vanilla as apple pie and ice cream, but she acknowledges that day is still far into the future. Becky reads the blog. What she tells me is that I put too much emphasis on the bristled hairbrush. She says I should talk more about how the children love David-how he tells them stories and how he plays with them. And yes, she says, the children do see David as well as her as authority figures in their lives. The difference in femdom is that the family is put ahead of work, ahead of sports on the television, and other distractions that tend to isolate fathers from the family. This is a part of femdom that each of you should give special thought to over the upcoming holidays.

In Becky's home David is not allowed to turn the television on without  permission. This is true for  sports programs as well as cartoons for the children. In her opinion the television should not be used as a baby sitter. She favors active activities for the children rather than the passivity of siting in front of a TV screen. David respects and supports her decision in this matter as well as other decisions about how the home is run. Does she give him a say, yes. Does she value his opinion, yes. Is the final decision on all household matters hers, yes. Is David expected to support her on all decisions, yes. And, like most men does David sometimes pout? Yes, Becky tells me. And, how does she handle pouting. A quick snapping of the fingers putting him in Command Position usually does the trick she says. The best way to handle male poutines in most homes  is simply by reminding the guy that you are the boss. There is no easier way to remind your guy of your authority than by putting him in Command Position. Becky will use a word or two with this tool, but there is generally no need to scream of shout. The simple physical act of falling to the floor upon the wife's command is usually enough to put an end to any pouting or rebellion. In the home submissive men want to be assured that female authority is supreme. Enough said.

On a visit to their home last year a sister asked David if they could turn on the television for the children. 'I will ask Becky' he replied to the sister. The sister now understands that Becky not David is the person to ask. 'Does this bother David', I ventured . 'No', was the reply. She went on to say that David has no problem with letting his family know that his wife makes the decisions and controls the household finances. He has learned to be what she calls a proud submissive man. In some ways this is the new age male that we have occasionally talked about on the blog. Yes, he acknowledges 'She' controls his permissions, and is proud to offer that they both want it that way. It is not something that 'She' forces on him. And, for David she always comes with a capital 'S' for she is his his mistress; the woman he lives to serve, and the love of his life. What I suspect is that many young men would be tremendously envious of the life he lives under Becky's control. Is there a sexual component of femdom? Yes, of course. Is femdom about sex? No, not really, at least in my view. And, as support for this is my belief that many men become more submissive with age as the sex drives tends to diminish.


One of the things Becky loves to see is young fathers carrying diaper bags and feeding their children in public spaces. No, they can't breast feed, but they can give the bottle, and mistress wives should expect their husbands to do more of this she tells me. This is not the type of activity that makes for exciting femdom reading, or causes Alex to melt, but it is a reality of femdom life. Femdom is not just about foot messages. Yes, as in spankings there may be foot messages from time to time, but giving these is more of a male priority that something that most wives crave or even have time for.
What femdom is about is a way of life in which a wife has control over her husband. Her decisions determine what is right for him and what is wrong for him. Her decisions determine what church the family will attend and when. She may also determine more mundane matters such  as what television programs to watch. For the deeply submissive husband she may in fact become the earthly representative of his God. A husband's simple curtsy to his wife is kind of a symbol of her spiritual presence in his life. She is only a person, but to him She is often something of a goddess.


For all of you in America it is my hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
Your wife may not be the mistress of your dreams, but she is the lady that you chose to marry. Remember to honor her on this holiday. There is more to Thanksgiving than turkey and football.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing.



Kathy

A Sense Of Fear...More About Tough Love

One of the things that I appreciate about the blog is the diversity of the comments. While it is true that a blog with a name like Femdom 101 will tend to attract submissive men, these men come with a range of ideas and feelings.

In my opinion femdom should never be about catering to a husbands every want. The wife should never become the psychological servant of her husband, but admittedly there is a danger of this happening. The simple truth is that most women agree to a femdom relationship at the request of their spouse. It is very seldom that a wife suggest to her husband that she should take the lead in their marriage. This so called lack of enthusiasm by the wife is what tends to complicate the entire concept. Is it the wife trying to please her husband by catering to his wants or is it the wife demanding servitude from her man.

One of the things I learned from Tara was the importance of understanding the male's need for female control in everyday life. By everyday life I mean not just play time on Saturday morning, but a relationship where by the wife is in control of her man. On a daily basis she decides his permissions, determines his duties, his rewards and when necessary his punishments. And, regarding punishment I did say when necessary rather than if necessary. In my view a wife's willingness to punish is an absolute preset condition for a true femdom marriage.

In earlier posting we talked about having John eat pages from his magazines. His stash of these  offensive magazines was almost a foot high. In my view these magazines were offensive to women.
The magazines typically showed attractive women in skimpy outfits with naked men graveling at their feet. Typically the women held a whip of some kind in her hand. The magazines displayed no emotion except male fear of the superior female. It was never explained why the physically stronger male yielded to her punishment, but he always did. It bothered me that John was attracted to this type of trash. Based on the prices displayed on the covers these magazines were certainly not cheap.

The fact that his stack of old magazines was so high was testimony to the idea that he was in some way addicted to them. Most of the old ones were not thrown away. Lusting over these magazines was a 'want' of his. Was I going to indulge this want? The answer was a resounding no, but I also needed to make a point. And, for both of our sakes I understood that the point needed to be made in a very strong way.

The first thing I did was have him remove the magazines from the garage and carry them into the house. I then had him place the magazines on the coffee table front and center of the couch where anyone visiting could see them. Yes, I told him that visitors to our home, both men and women, would see them and they would know that the magazines were his. 'Would you like that', I asked John. 'No mistress' was the fearful answer. 'Are you sure', I repeated. The idea that friends, neighbors, and family would see these magazines was most fearful to him. I remember pressing the question harder and harder. 'You have permission to speak, tell me why you don't want visitors to see them'.
At that point in the conversation John began to stutter and became very fearful. His fear of what I was going to do or say was genuine. The more fear he showed the more powerful I felt. For a few minutes  my attitude resembled the whip wheeling dominatrix in the magazines. And, maybe like the female character in the magazine, I took some  pleasure in his anxiety.

The idea that anyone visiting our home would see those magazines was extremely humiliating for John. 'What should we do with them', I asked John. 'Throw them in the trash' he responded.
But honey, 'you spent so much money on these magazines. It would be ashamed to just throw them away', I replied. Of course, I wanted them out of the house almost as much as John did, but it was also necessary to drive home the concept of who was in charge.

From the large stash I pulled out two or three of the magazines. 'Go through the magazine with me' I told him. 'Tell me what you like about the pictures'. As we went thorough the first magazine I again asked him what he would like to do with it. 'Throw it in the trash' was his reply. 'Well, I guess we can do that' I told John.  I said it in the same teasingly manner as the way we talked in the studio. I then told him that it might be well for him to make double sure he wants to throw the magazines away. The conversation brought out much of his guilt to the surface. He was in what I would call mental agony. 'Lets make sure those dirty magazines don't leave a bad taste in you mouth', I said. 'Just so you are not tempted to buy more of them', I added.

 It was at that point I had him tear off the first page of one of the magazines, rip it into small pieces and eat it piece by piece. Page by page I had him tear off and rip up the remainder of the magazine before throwing it into the trash. Everyday we went through the same process until the stack was gone. There are readers who will suggest this was cruel as it was a most unpleasant experience for him. What I have learned is that there are times when a mistress wife must give her man unpleasant experiences. It may be eating the pages from a magazine, missing a sports match on television, or a painful spanking with a hard bristled hair brush. Even Becky, who still is new to the role of  mistress understands the importance of punishment in her marriage. Of even more significance she has learned the enormous power a woman has over a man-a man who may physically stronger but mentally under her control.

In those early days of femdom it was important for John to know that I still loved him. It was important for him to understand that my love for him was the primary reason for becoming his mistress. Yet, he also needed to understand that my control of his life was real and a permanent fixture in our marriage. In the beginning our life mirrored much of what happened in the studio. Back then I was more of a mistress than a wife. Over time, years, I learned to find a more workable balance between the competing roles of mistress and wife. Depending on John's attitude one side or the other of my personality would come to life on any given day. On a day to day basis it became John's job to please me. To do as much as possible to keep the sweet side of my personality in front of him.

Concluding a discussion with Becky she said 'I suppose that is what they mean by the term slave husband'. I thought a second and responded 'yes, I suppose it is'.


Love you for reading, love you for sharing.


Kathy

A Sense Of Fear..Tough Love

Just a short note to thank all of you who were kind enough to post. Well, 'kind enough' may not be the best choice of words. Half of you believe that I am something of an angel while the other half consider me to be some kind of a devil in a red dress. What I believe is that the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes.

To a large extent the journey from soccer mom to mistress was one of the most difficult times of my life. By saying this I am not looking for sympathy. It left me angry, depressed, and with feelings of inadequately. The question continued to come back to me in ways that there was no good answer. Why, I asked, did John feel the need to find the dominance he needed by the hand of a paid mistress. The truth of course was simply that I would never understand. Many of you who read this blog have the same attitude toward your wife. You are afraid to open up to her. You compensate for your fear by searching other outlets. Some of you may resort to paid professionals, but most of you confine your needs to the internet. Most often you are searching for blogs much like this one.

Over the last few weeks commenters have made statements to the effect that my husband was at one time kenneled and that he was forced to eat some of the pages from his collection of femdom magazines. In a court of law I would probably have to plead guilty to these things and more. And if you think discussing these things with Becky was easy, well guess again. It is true that coming home I didn't know how to deal with John. I wanted him back in our home, and back in our bedroom, but. And, there was a big but because there had to be something of half way point between living away and returning to our bedroom.  How do you tell a man you are angry, but that you still love him. How do you tell a man he caused you so much pain, but you still love him. How do you forgive him and go on with life. How do you make sure he will never see another paid mistress again?

And, when all is said and done how do you deal with the remaining guilt. One way is to be the best mistress you can be. Firm, disciplined, and loving all at the same time. And yes, control the money and know what he is doing, and whom he is doing it with. Another way to handle the guilt is to share your story in the form of a femdom blog. To give courage to others to speak up. To help women understand what it means when their husband says I need you to control me. None of us are perfect. John understands that he messed up big time by going to Tara, and her girls. Back at home the kennel from the little shop in the By-water, and the magazines were meant as punishments. But these were  punishments that sent a message. 'You are mine, you belong to me. I am your mistress now and your only mistress'.

Some of you may think that I can be a nasty bitch, and on that score you are correct.


Love and Kisses,



Kathy

A Sense of Fear

Growing up in a Catholic city I attended the nun's school as a child. We had all of the usual classes, but everything was infused with a sense of religion. One of the lessons we learned was that a fear of God was a good thing. Yes, of course, we should always strive to do the right thing for no other reason than it was what good Christian girls did. Yet, in the background was this thing about a fear of God and his retribution if we failed to honor his rules.  On Sunday mornings it was often this fear of God that gave me the inner courage to wake up early for mass. If it were not for fear of God there would have been many more Sunday mornings in which I would have elected to remain in bed.


It is now close to noon and john is finishing up his Friday chores. What I suspect is that John feels the same way about his chores as I did about missing Sunday mass. He wants to do what is expected of him because that is what good submissive husbands do. But also there is this fear of punishment. He may not be spanked, but John understands that his punishment for not doing chores will be very real. Fear of a mistress wife is a far cry from fear of God, but a mistress's punishment for disobedience will come much quicker.

The point of this posting is that a little fear of a wife is a good thing. David asked Becky to become his mistress. He understands that obeying her is the right thing to do, yet there are times when it is difficult. The natural fear a man has for violating his wife's commands is real. The bristled hairbrush on the nightstand serves as a reminder of his obligations. And,it serves as a symbolic reminder of his wife's authority. David, like John gave up his freedom when he asked Becky to become her submissive, and take charge of his life. The day she agreed to become his mistress she assumed an obligation to develop David into a better version of himself.

As Christian wives we have responsibilities to both our husbands and children. We do not believe in divorce. We believe it is out duty to understand our men and to the best of our ability structure an environment in which they can excel. For some of us this means becoming mistresses to our men. By doing so we create a structure in which they can be better husbands and better fathers.

It is not that we are better than our guys, or that we have a natural right to rule them. It is because as wives we have an obligation to develop their inner self in a way that only a wife can do. Yes, of course, Becky understood that becoming a mistress to her husband was a duty for her. It was never something she wanted or asked for, but it was there. It was thrust upon her by a loving husband who realized that he needed female authority in his life.

Love you for reading, love you even more for sharing,


Kathy

A Side Note

Once again a big thank you to all of those who were kind enough to share.

I believe it was Joel who asked an interesting question. Is femdom actually a good thing for the submissive male. In my opinion yes, it is a good thing, because femdom gives men something they not only want but need. A question than becomes does it make them overly dependent on the lady who owns them. And yes, over time femdom does seem to cause a great deal of dependency.  If femdom is with the 'right' lady my thinking it is fine. There is potential for abuse. After a time a so called life partner may no longer have her submissive mans best interest at heart. And, the potential for financial abuse is apparent to all.

One of the commentates mentioned how his pay check is quickly removed to a bank account in which he has no control. Most mistress wives consider every penny their husbands earn as their property to do with as they wish. I agree with this philosophy. There is no valid reason for a man to have access to any type of bank account. If the need for money comes up for whatever reason he should ask his wife. It then becomes her decision. And there are situations where by a husband may need money for one reason or the other. It may be to help an elderly parent, or to help family members with college expenses. In difficult situations the wife should listen, but in the end all financial decisions are hers.

Femdom provides the truly submissive man with the kind of life he wants and needs. This is not to say there will be total happiness in the land of Valhalla.( Did I spell that word correctly, I am not sure.) Femdom is not about giving a man all that he wants. Yes, in the beginning he wants to serve his lady. After a year or so of making beds and scrubbing toilets the initial excitement of doing house work can turn into simple drudgery. Becky has learned that this is where discipline plays an important part in the relationship. With the word discipline I am talking about a systems of rules and protocols by which a man lives.

By discipline lets take a look at my John. Almost every day of the week he has some duties to perform in our home. Friday is his day to clean our bedroom, wash and change the bed sheets, vacuum, clean the mistress bathroom, and finally dust. Over the years John has accepted this as one of his household duties. Yet, he has been doing it for a long time. In the beginning there was a sense of excitement about performing this duty for his mistress. That same excitement may no longer  be there. In the real world of a mistress/slave relationship the question is how to  keep a man attentive to his duties?

For this mistress a big part of keeping her husband on 'track' is a careful inspection of his work.
The inspection will always come with a critique. And, in this home the husband understands that if his house hold work is not up to standards he will be doing it again. Our king size bed has a heavy mattress, and it is close to a large piece of  furniture. The end result is that changing the sheets is a bit of a difficult job, and John hates doing it. He also understands that if it is not done correctly I have no hesitation of pulling off the sheets for him to start over again. After one episode when the bedroom work was overly sloppy I had him change the sheets every day for a week.
I am not sure if you should call this discipline or punishment, but it caused him to do a better job of serving me. It also reminded him that even as an older man and a long term submissive he is still my slave. After years of training and discipline John understands that he is an owned man and will be so for the rest of his life.

In the early part of Becky's femdom relationship I encouraged her to give David more household duties. He is so busy she would tell me. Yes, he may be busy, but I suspected that he has time for more, and additional responsibilities would be good for both of you. And, what she did correctly was not only to give him more duties, but to pay attention to what he was doing. 'You know, mom, it helps a lot if I inspect his work', she told me. 'He takes more ownership of what he does when I do a careful evaluation,' I remember hearing. She also understood that inspection and evaluation made David's brain work in different ways. 'It makes him want to do what he is supposed to do', she once mentioned to me. She also told me that he feared the hairbrush with the stiff bristles. What I heard was that he will do almost anything to keep those hard bristles from coming down on his rear end.

Becky correctly understood that motivating David was a mixture of positive rewards combined with
a sense of fear. From an early age she understood that a man's sense of fear of his girlfriend, wife, or mistress was a good thing. In high school she learned to creat a sense of apprehension in boys by not returning calls or by having them wait while she got ready. As a mistress wife she quicly learned the value of a hairbrush in maintaining authority. It is very seldom that she has to use it, but the sight of it on her make up vanity is sufficient to send a daily reminder to David that she is still the boss. While this may seem cruel to some of you, Becky understands that this everyday reminder is a good thing for David because it is what he needs.

Love you all  for reading and for sharing,


Kathy

A Side Note...

This is turning more into a series than a side note, but the comments are interesting.

The simple truth is that not everyone understands the male submissive personality, and most people tend to reject things that they don't understand. Even my John, if you asked him, would say something to the effect that he doesn't understand the why of it. He simply knows that submissiveness is and has always been a real part of his core personality.

The simple truth is that it is difficult going from a vanilla type of relationship to chocolate. Even Becky had difficulty understanding what David wanted when he first approached her. It took time, it took discussions with mom as well as a lot of reading and thinking. One of the things that stuck Becky was the realization that she and David had already been in a kind of mistress/submissive type relationship. After doing some soul searching she came to realize that her priorities, her wants and needs had become David's wants and needs. She also came to understand that over the time they had been together David had assumed much of her moral compass. If she said something was wrong, it was also wrong for David. If she put her blessing on something that needed to be done in the home, David was also for it.

The other thought that struck Becky was that her friends had become David's friends. When they first started to go out David had a number of friends of his own. Most of the time, however, they ended up going out with one of Becky's girlfriends and their husbands. Little by little they stopped doing things with David's friends. This was never something that was planned. It just happened. It finally got to the point, Becky told me that she made social plans for the weekend without discussing them with David. It was not that she minded talking about the plans with David, it was more that he was waiting to be told. They had one occasion a few years ago when she completely forgot to tell David that they were going out to dinner. 'Why aren't you getting dressed' she asked him. 'For what' he replied.
It was only after this brief discussion that it came to her that she had forgotten to tell David that they were going out.

In looking back over the first few years of their relationship Becky tells me that David was fine with all of this. On that evening she forgot to tell him about the dinner plans, she told him to hurry up or they would be late for the reservations. 'What was David's reaction', I asked. 'He hurried up, he did as told', Becky again  responded. 'Did he complain at all' I remember asking. 'No, he just did as I told him to do', Becky repeated.

As she now looks back on the pre femdom part of their relationship she sees all of the signs associated with submissive male behavior. Instead of making decisions or plans of their own submissive men tend to wait for the woman in their life to orchestrate things. From what I have observed submissive men find a sense of security when women take the lead. Instead of being in the forefront of the conversation submissive men tend to listen when  women are speaking. On a walk they prefer to place themselves just behind the lady they are accompanying. When going through a door way they will take a slight step ahead to open the door, but they want the lady to be the first one to enter the room. And yes, when properly trained they love the opportunity to hold a lady's coat or even her purse.

Not to long ago a lady asked me for a simple test to determine if a man was submissive. I told her to take her guy shopping, and have him hold her purse in the mall. If he does so without complaint he is probably submissive.  Or better yet have him hold her purse while taking a long phone call. If he simply smiles after a long conversation about nothing he is probably submissive. Another young lady told me that she took her guy shopping. When they passed a plus size store with a sexy lingerie display  she casually mentioned that he might look good in that. And yes, she told me that he got excited at the idea of wearing what they were looking at.

One of the habits Becky picked up has been to use her index finger as a signaling device to summon David. She did this she told me without even realizing it. 'Mom', she said 'you might be the blame for this habit'. We talk a lot on the phone. 'Instead of putting the phone down, I  got in the habit of signaling  him to come', she told me. Yes, of course, I thought-I do the same with John. Now, instead of telling him to come I simply waive my finger at him. Either way I told Becky a husband should be trained to keep his eyes focused on his wife's hands. Becky told me that she once slapped David for staring at a big 'titted' girl in the mall. 'Eyes down' she told him, and he apologized.

If something ever happened to my guy would I be open to another submissive man. Yes, of course. Would I seek a relationship with another submissive man. Probably not, but then this was a hypothetical question and who knows. For now I simply know that my guys teats me like a queen. His focus in life is on me, and I love him all the more for that. And sometimes we have a little kink in our lives. And if someone has criticism of this my answer is simply so what.

 Hope you enjoy the blog, but keep commenting. Many of you have trouble finding the courage to share, but it is good to try.

Love,


Kathy

A Side Note..

Yes, of course, one of the comments was that the student becomes the teacher. And, it should be added that nothing creates more pride in the heart of a teacher than having a student who surpasses her in most every way. What Becky has confirmed to me is that femdom is about love, about family, and about commitment.

One of the other commenters seemed to suggest that boys have a way of growing older without really growing into maturity. There have been times when I have agreed with this statement. Friends will sometimes tell me that their husbands do nothing all day except watch what ever stupid game may be on the television. Yes, I think these so called men are really in an advanced state of adolescence.

In most situations I am not ready to mentally condemn men into some type of perpetual adolescence.
Men do develop, they do mature, but the process is slower than it is with women. At eighteen years of age Becky was more mature than most men in their twenties. She was serious about her career and her studies. She definitely was several years more advanced than her older brother. When the children were younger, and it was necessary to put one of them in charge, it was always my inclination to make it Becky. John has always felt that putting Becky in charge would cause conflict with an older bother, and he usually won out. Still though, on those adult nights out I would have felt more comfortable knowing that Becky was responsible for the house and in charge of her brother.

Over time men do mature in ways that are different than women. Their interest are different. They are often more protective. Even as my slave, my submissive or whatever term is hung on John, I still think of him as my protector. More than anything else I have been criticized for saying that most women, including myself, feel better about life with a male protector. It is not only about physical safety. We need a guy to talk with, to love, and in ways to keep us grounded. I have often used the expression to keep us safe from the storm.

A reader might ask how does this need for a protector blend in with femdom.  The question might be asked why does a dominant woman need a male protector. In a conversation Becky once told me that she had learned to like being a mistress to her husband. Wanting a better understanding of what was on her mind, I asked Becky to tell me more. 'Mom', she said, 'since we started this femdom thing David has made me the center of his life'. 'Yes, he still thinks of work and stuff like that, but nothing is as important to him than me.' She went on to say that it was a very special feeling to having another person so completely devoted to her.

Many of the feeling she expressed to me were kind of the same as I had with John. Not when he first came home, but weeks and moths later as our relationship developed. It may sound crass to say it in this way, but as his training took hold and he understood more about being my submissive our relationship improved. To say this another way John learned more about what it took to please me, and he concentrated on doing a good job of it. He learned that pleasing a mistress means not only washing, ironing, and cleaning for her, it means serving her in whatever capacity she needs. And sometimes we just need a man to hold our hand and say he loves us.

Putting all of this in prospective men are different from women. The submissive man needs female control. He needs to know that she is holding his leash and is willing to pull it tight when the need arises. This past winter Becky and her family adopted a puppy. It was a sweet puppy, but it needed discipline and training. Becky repeated to me what the instructor told her about control. Throughout the walk, she said, make sure that the puppy understands you are boss. If the puppy jerks you or wants to chase after a cat don't hesitate to pull the leash tight. And, never remove the leash into you are safely within the confines of the fenced yard or house. In this way the puppy learns that there is never a time when it can run for freedom.

As Becky and I were having this conversation abut the new pet we both understood that it had broader implications for our lives.


Love, Kathy

A Side Note.

Over the last year Becky has become more of the teacher while 'mom' has become more of the student. When John first came home from exile I was scared. There were nights John was put in the kennel simply so that I could cry. Working in the studio was one thing. Having john back at home was another. Could I become the mistress he wanted, the one that he needed. What were the things that needed to be done to keep our life from drifting back to vanilla. And finally could I be happy living as a mistress wife bearing responsibly for the success of our marriage.

Becoming a mistress wife was not something Becky ever wanted or asked for. Like me she is confident as a woman, but had no wish to control the behavior of her husband. Yes, when called upon she found the courage to rise to the occasion. And since then she has learned to like the role of mistress. 'Mom, you know I have always liked vanilla ice cream' she wants told me. 'You should try chocolate', I would tell her.  She always said 'no' she would stick with vanilla. This past summer she reminded me of those long ago conversations. 'You know mom, I have tried chocolate and have learned to like it'. This time of course she was talking about relationships rather than ice cream.

In the living room that night what impressed me was both her confidence and her compassion. 'Honey, come in here', was given as a command rather than as a request. It was then followed with two other quick directives-you are going to bed early and bring us another glass of wine. And, then there was her sense of compassion-you may read until 11AM if you are not sleepy. And, compassion for her father. She understood that her father would be embarrassed by being given a directive for an early bed time in front of her. 'Mom', she said 'you can tell daddy while I am in the shower'. In a sense thought she was also guiding me on the best way to handle what could have been a ticklish situation for both me and her daddy. Yes, Becky was telling me, the original mistress of the family what to do.


Love, Kathy

A Side Note

Once again thank all of you who have been kind enough to share.

Over the last couple of weeks I have started two or three postings that have simply going no where. When I started the notebook series there was a train of thought. Unfortunately, the train has going no where in the last few weeks.

The Notebook series is about Becky. Toward the end of our summer stay she asked if I had seen a certain movie. When I replied no she offered to rent it. That would be nice I told her. It was a chick flick. The kind of movie you watch with a girl friend. The kind of movie that makes guys want to immediately exit the theater.

It was a Saturday evening. 'We can watch it tonight', Becky told me. 'It would also give us the chance to stay up late and talk', she said. 'What will we do with the guys', I asked. Without a second thought 'send them to bed early' she replied. 'Isn't that what mistress wives are suppose to do when they want some time alone', she asked. 'Yes' I responded,' but it has been a long time since I've done that' I added. 'Tonight mom would be a good time for us talk, and you will love the movie'.

It was after dinner, the children had been put to bed, and the guys were finishing up in the kitchen.
'Honey, come in here for a moment', Becky called to David.  And yes, I was impressed with how fast David responded to the summons. You can always tell how well a guy is trained by the speed at which he comes when called. It may be a simple measure, but my guess is that it is a reasonably accurate measure of overall obedience. And yes, Becky rewarded David with a pretty smile.

'Ma'am' David spoke as he slightly bowed his head in front of Becky.' Bring mom and I another glass of wine, but tonight you are going to bed after pickup' she told him. In their home 'pick up' means cleaning up the kitchen, putting the garbage out, and straightening the living room. 'You may read until eleven' she told him 'but then it is lights out.' To say the least I was very impressed with the aplomb in which she handled David. She showed both confidence and grace. 'And mom, would you like David to send Daddy in for a moment. 'You can tell him while I take a shower' she said.
She understood that being sent to be early in front of his daughter might be injurious to her daddy's sense of pride.

And yes, we watched the movie, and we talked until late. It was one of those wonderful mother daughter experiences that are so difficult to find time for.

Love, Kathy

The Notebook.....

Anyone who has read the recent post will think that punishment sessions are a major part of any femdom relationship. For some couples this may be true. Yet, for John and I punishment sessions are very rare. The simple truth is that John is a very sweet, loving man who consistently tries his best to please me. It is difficult for me to recall the last time, if ever, he willingly disobeyed me. We have had a few cases of 'talking back". We have had times when he has been 'pouty', and the surest way to correct that type of behavior is corner time combined with a lecture and loss of privileges. Taking away a sporting match on the television, or something like a golf outing will usually adjust his attitude. Becky has learned to do the same with David, and she is quick to take away his weekly allowance when necessary. One of the ideas I have stressed to her is that financial control is an essential ingredient to a successful femdom marriage.

One of the things that really surprised her was my description of many of the men who came into the studio. For the most part they were sweet men who needed something that they couldn't get at home.
Either the wives said no, or in most cases they were afraid to ask. Most of the men who came into the studio were not BDSM types into leather and whips or things like that. They were the ordinary men you meet on the street. The men could have been you banker, your doctor, or delivery person. In the studio the men came from all walks of life, but to afford the studio most of them needed to have a wll paying job. There were men who came into the studio who just wanted to kneel at a woman's feet while confessing their inner need to submit. While, I thought, these men are telling me secrets that even their wives don't know. It didn't take long for me to develop a certain empathy for them. They were submissive, they needed a fruit that was forbidden to them by society. Yet, they were sweet men. They would not harm a soul. As Tara first said to me they are not ax murders.

Over a short amount of time I came to enjoy the company of the studio clients. And yes, I know that Tara spoon fed me the softer ones-the ones who were most like my baby. Why don't you ask your wife, I would say. The response was usually she would not understand. Sometimes thought the response was she wants nothing to do with femdom. Yet, there were these other women who came to the studio with their husbands. They came to watch, learn, and participate in the development of their husband's submissive personality. Under Tara's tutelage these women were formed into a little group. It is so important to have a friend in the lifestyle. In the beginning I told my daughter not to make this journey alone. Whatever you do, I told her, find a friend to make the journey with you.

As most of you know I was invited to join this special group of women. It was these women who gave me the courage to apply what had been learned in the studio to my home situation. In those days we met once a week, we talked on the phone almost every day. They became some of my best friends. We shared one another secrets, we laughed together, and there were times when we cried together. What we had in common was a willingness to use femdom as a way of improving our marriages. I dare say that none of us were what is referred to as natural dominants.

Over time, and over many conversations, Becky learned to over come her fears. Like me she never came to understand the why of femdom. She, however, came to realization that it is real. And, like the women in the group had to face the challenge of living with a man who had found the courage to have the talk with her.

Love you all for reading. Love you for sharing.


Kathy

The Notebook....

Just as many of you enjoy reading the blog, I have come to enjoy the comments. In a way it is the comments that complete the blog-your reaction whether in agreement or not means a great deal to me. From what I can gather most of you are indeed happier, more content with life when your significant other is in charge. And, most of you seem to appreciate female discipline as well as punishment when it is necessary. In that regard there was only one comment to the negative. One gentlemen said something to the effect that he would never tolerate a woman who spanked him. There are no right or wrong answers only individual feelings. We are all different, but the majority of the readers of this blog want to be in a relationship with a woman who is not afraid to let her guy know who is the boss.

The thing about femdom is that few men are willing to acknowledge their need for it. Men may talk to other men about  sexual conquest, but very seldom admit to wanting a spanking from a mistress wife. As a society we may sometimes think in terms of the 'surrendered wife', but never in terms of the 'surrendered husband'. To a large degree the idea of the surrendered wife is sill socially acceptable, but never the surrendered husband. The idea that a husband should obey his wife is still against the perceived natural order of things. Yet, when we ask why this is so there are no really good answers. In reality there is simply no good reason why a wife should not be in charge of her man.

In this blog I am taking the idea of feminine control one step further. What I am saying is that it is a wife's duty when faced with the issue of a submissive husband to take charge of the relationship.
The embryo of this concept may have been mine. It was Becky, however, who accepted the idea, developed it, and then ran with it. Becky, like me, is not a naturally dominant person. Most women are not. The idea other behind much of this blog is that becoming a mistress wife is not about natural dominance. Becoming a mistress wife is a 'learned' experience. What is needed more than anything else is an open mind as well as a willingness to try new ideas.

When Becky and I first stated talking about the changes in our marriage she was more than just a little bit upset. 'Mom',  I heard, 'how could daddy have done those things'. Then I heard questions like did you really have a job where you put men on leash's. 'Yes, and sometimes walked them around the quarter', I replied. And, there were men who were made to lick my shoes clean, I told her. Confessions are not always easy, but they are good for the soul.  As we gradually talked through what had happened Becky developed  a kind of general understanding of why her parents had changed

Understanding was one thing. Acceptance was another.

Love, Kathy

The Notebook...

In some ways it is easier to talk about Becky's marriage than my own. The relationship she has with David is so dynamic. They are only a few years into a FLM and things continue to develop between them. This is not to say that John and I are completely 'over the hill', but is some ways we are plateauing. Prior to accepting the femdom lifestyle both of us had a tutorial in the form of a real life dominatrix experience.

As a houseboy in Tara's studio John lived the life of a slave. He worked in Tara's studio for free. He painted for her, he cleaned toilets, pulled weeds from her garden, moped floors and ironed clothes. Whatever she needed done he was there for her. If a mistress needed a car repair it was often his job to bring it to the garage and wait. It was real work, not play work. Once, when he didn't do a proper job of cleaning the toilet Tara pushed his head into the bowl and flushed. For me the question was why did he take this type of abuse. Why, I wondered with a strong, healthy well built man let this little women push him around. Why weren't there times when he could have resisted.

When that question was first presented to John there was no answer. 'Did you want to have your head pushed into the toilet', I once asked. The answer came slowly, but  there was eventually a negative.
There never was an answer to the most pressing question of all, why did you let her do those nasty things to you. It wasn't until much later that I began to understand the reason for John's powerlessness in the face of this women. By that time the answer was simple as it was right in front of me. In every way possible, except legally, John was a slave and she was his owner. Though physically weaker John  feared her. He not only respected her authority as his owner, but he feared displeasing her in any way. And, he feared her punishments. She had the power to banish him from the studio.

A more difficult question involved asking if  he had ever developed feelings for Tara. The lack of  a verbal answer told me more than I wanted to  know. It was a couple of years later that he acknowledged feeling for Tara as well as a young black lady who worked for her. On my work visits to the studio I became friends with this young lady. Never did I suspect; never did she tell me that John had spent days and nights in her apartment. She and her roommate, college students, treated John as their house boy. He served drinks at parties and did the clean up afterward. What I tell any woman who has a husband who travels for business is to make sure you know what type of business your guy is on.

For a long time I couldn't talk about these experiences. The hurt to too clear. The feeling were too raw. Now, looking on Becky and David in a loving relationship I understand what John and I have for so long missed. David maybe Becky's slave and people will find fault with this concept. However, he is the slave of the woman who loves him, and of the woman whom he loves. He is in everyway the perfect version of the surrendered husband. Can any of you not find romance in this? In my opinion this is femdom marriage the way God intended it.


Love, Kathy

The Notebook..

As he walked out of the room, Becky's words to me were 'sometimes I am too hard on him'.

The three of us had been up late that evening. It had been one of those days when parents earn their place in heaven. Finally the children had been bathed and put securely to bed for the night.
'In what way are you too hard on him', I asked Becky. 'You know, mom, we both work.' Then their was a silence as Becky slowly sipped on her drink. 'Yet, here it is after ten, and David is going to get my clothes ready for work tomorrow'. 'That is what submissive men love to do-that's what they live for' I replied. 'Sometimes yes', she replied, 'but David has had a hard day at work-why should he be these things for me".

At that moment I had no real answer for Becky's question. With the children in bed the three of us stayed up talking with the late night news blaring from the television. It was really more Becky and I doing the talking with David listening. A little earlier in the evening Becky asked if I would like an after dinner drink. 'Yes, a Bailey's would be good', I replied. 'David, get mom and I a Baileys-you may have one too'. What a thoughtful mistress, I thought. Like John, David is not allowed to drink any kind of alcohol unless he has  permission. She saved David the embarrassment of asking permission in front of his mother-in-law.

What I have found is that you can learn a great deal about a couple simply by listing to the way they interact. Becky's instruction to David for the Baileys was a command-a simple one-but a command. There was no please, no will you, or anything like that. The phraseology was very direct telling David what to do, and yet she said is with a sweet, feminine voice. It is my belief that women often fear taking control of their men leads to a kind of loss of femininity. From what I have seen this is not true. Being a mistress wife is all about being a woman and loving who you are as a person.
Becoming a mistress to a man is not about becoming some type of an odder who walks around with a whip acting like a monster from a Frankenstein movie.

What I can also see is that even after several years of marriage with three children David and Becky enjoy each others company. In the living room-unless there are guest-David generally relaxes on a pillow next to Becky's feet. I was very pleased that their usual routine was not disrupted because of my visit. And, what I noticed is that she will sometimes give him a little kiss on the back of his head, or rub the back of his neck with her fingers. Like my John, like most men, David loves the gentle touch of his wife's hands. And, when told to do something, he does it. He does it with a smile.
It is more than obvious that he is happy to be of service to his wife and mistress.

While I have said this many times on the blog it is worth repeating. What most women want is to be loved like a wife and respected like a mistress. Yes, Becky's after dinner drink was delivered with  a smile, but it also came with a slight bend of the knee.

Love, Kathy

The Notebook

Once again thank all of you for the comments.

In most ways I am still having trouble getting my 'act' together as far as the blog goes.

Not all men are submissive. However, my guess is that there is a fairly large percentage of men who would be happier, more content with life if they lived under the authority of a mistress wife. The idea that some men find satisfaction by serving a woman and doing as she tells them is still difficult for many people to understand. Yet, the empirical evidence suggest that many men do want to live their lives under female control. I have long since given up trying to understand the why of this phenomena, but believe it is real.

In my own family there are two very lovely, sweet submissive men. As most of you know both my husband and my daughter's husband fall into this category. As both a wife and a mother there is nothing wrong with having such a man in your life. Yet, time after time women seem to walk away as soon as they see the submissive label tattooed upon a man.  Why I ask my self. What is so wrong with a man who is willing to serve, who is willing to make a woman's life better. What is so wrong with taking the time and the energy to develop the submissive side of a man so that he can become a better, more perfect version of himself.

For most of her life Becky has been more of the student in our mother/daughter relationship. Now I find that the shoe is on the other foot. This past summer we spent a large amount of time together in her home-where she is mistress. We still talk, she still ask questions, but more and more she has become the teacher. For one thing she has become more of a disciplinarian then I have ever been.
Where I have stayed away from spanking she willingly incorporates it into the structure of her relationship. She is not reluctant to use the bristle side of the hairbrush to let her husband know when he is out of line. And, the interesting aspect of their relationship is that her husband appreciates her efforts.

When we talked about discipline her response was simply that most men respect a woman who is willing to punish them. A painful spanking, followed by corner time and a lecture, is a way of letting a man know who is in charge she tells me.. David, may not like the spanking, yet it serves a useful purpose in their marriage. David, she says to me tends to become cranky and pouty when he goes too long without a punishment of some type. As she put it to me punishment when needed is a part of developing the submissive part of his personality. Developing the submissive side of David's personality is a responsibility she takes seriously. Why, because that is what he needs to become a better husband and a better father. She is a mother to her children and a mistress to her husband.

Does it ever happen that her roles as mistress and mother sometimes become a little mixed up, I asked. Very seldom, she responded. She was very firm that she wants David as a husband not a child.
She expects him to be a father to their children, a good role model, and her right arm in helping to manage the household. She went on to say that many of her friends have husbands who do nothing around the house except watch sports on the television. She then gave me a little smile. David, like daddy is not allowed to turn on the television without permission she said. Becky may have learned this rule from me, but in many other ways she is more advanced than I have ever been.

Over the next week or so I will try to continue with this posting. Yet, I wonder how many of you see yourself as kind of a David. For those of you who actually live under the authority of a wife or girlfriend does it make you happier? Does it make you more productive as a person? As femdom been a positive in your life? Please let me hear from you on this topic. Although they seldom comment there many women who follow this blog, and they are looking for the answers to these questions.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing,


Kathy

Time Away

Just a quick note to thank all of you who have emailed over the summer months. Both John and I are fine. As most of you know John is retired. I made the decision to take the summer off from work. We spent most of June traveling in Europe and much of the remainder of the summer visiting with children.

It felt so good to be away from the responsibilities of work and to some extent the blog. In a way it felt good not to have the responsibility of posting. Over a few weeks of traveling I developed a mental block regarding computers. I just didn't want to touch a computer to either email, post, or simply to read the news.

Much of our time in Europe was in Italy. We rented a small apartment on a hillside outside of Sienna, and spent most of our time making day trips in the area. We also did a lot of walking. From the apartment we had to walk down the hill, but then go back up another hill in order to get into the town.
Sienna was interesting, but not as pretty as the renaissance cities of Italy. The Tuscany area with all of the little hill top towns was gorgeous, and we loved the wine and the food. We both took classes on Italian cooking. John, however, will tell you his favorite part of the class was eating what we cooked.

Where we go from here I am not sure. We did spent time with Becky and her family. She is as much a mistress to her husband as she has ever been. What I did notice is a renewed sense of confidence in herself. She is not afraid of leading. She is sweet and kind, always very feminine in manners and in the way she dresses, but she lets David know who is boss. And, I think this is an attribute that men generally value in a wife. More than every it is my belief that many- many men have a serious submissive side to their personality. It simply takes the right woman to bring it out where it can be developed.

Being on vacation relieved John of most of his work responsibilities. It also relieved me of some of the daily pressure of being a mistress. Yes, ladies, don't let anyone tell you that being a mistress is a job that comes with no responsibly. As time goes on the job of being a mistress becomes easier, but it can still be a job. What surprised me was how grumpy John could become on vacation. Letting the leash louse was fine for a few days, but to be happy John needs to feel the constant pull of my authority. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are like that?

After a few days of going collar free, I made him put it on. It may be difficult to imagine but it improved his attitude. Having the collar around his neck made him more obedient, more content, and a far better traveling companion. Men want to be collared. This may be one of the biggest secrets in the universe. Yet, even more than collared men want a lady who is willing to lock up their little 'thing-e' and keep the key.   'Thing-e' may not be an actual word, but yes you all know what it is.

Over the years I have had many emails from women. At the beginning the idea of being a man's mistress seems so strange. A couple of years into it most women tell how natural it feels to have a man under their control. Femdom is about love, about relationships, and about developing a sense of trust in each other. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are 'there' with your wife or girlfriend.
How many of you would fully trust the lady in your life with your freedom and as well as your money?

Love you all for reading and for sharing. We need to see where the blog goes from here. Over the next few weeks I will try to answer many of the email in my in box.


Kathy

Time Away From The Blog

Just want to mention that I will be away from the blog until July.

With things like work, vacation, and summer visits with the children life is getting busy.
And, for the times being there is not a lot for me to say. All of my thoughts have been poured out in the Morning Thoughts series.

Most of you know that John has officially retired from his life as an engineer. In some ways this has affected the way we do things. It has meant more house chores for him. It has also forced me to rethink the rules that apply to his activities. Lacking the responsibilities of a career it is my belief that men need more structure in their personal life.

If I can gather my thoughts this may be the next topic of the blog. Many of you are retired.
Please send me your thoughts on this topic. For the wife how difficult is it to adjust to having a man around the house? Do retired men need more structure from their wives? With more time on their hands should they be given a larger allowance?

There are a lot of questions, and I would like to hear from each and everyone of you. Until July be good to yourselves, and especially good to the lady in your life.


Love, Kathy

Morning Thoughts............

A quick look at the number of dots connected to this post as well as my work schedule tells me that is time to bring this series to a conclusion. The comments, the emails have all been wonderful. You have all been sweethearts. It takes courage to share. It is time for femdom to come out of the shadows into the mainstream of western culture. It is my hope that in some small way the blog helps promote understanding of this evolving way of living and loving.

While the comments have been great there was one that stayed with me in a special way. In his comment of May 5th James captures so much of the beauty and love associated with femdom relationships. In truth he captures the essence of what is commonly called loving femdom authority.
It is my hope that everyone goes back to read it again and again.

A man gives up control, but gains freedom, James writes. By giving up control men are liberated to follow the dictates of their heart. Whatever woman says that men have no sense of romance or passion needs to read this comment and talk about it with her friends. Then James says that he had no idea that he wanted to bee tamed, trained, and even lovingly enslaved until meeting his wife to be.
What I have always believed is that a strong, confident woman who is willing to take on the responsibilities of leadership can make a man into a better version of himself. (A happier version more content with life, and more connected to his wife and family.) This is the potential gift of femdom to the world. Men want it, but women continue to resist.

In modern society we need to redefine the meaning of the word slave as to include a male who is owned body and soul by a woman who loves him. There should be no higher calling for a man than to be tamed, trained, and lovingly enslaved by a woman. Many happy years breed the conditions for absolute respect and absolute control and trust that are essential for a femdom relationship, James writes. And yes, it is my belief that what James is saying is the truth. In femdom you can't go from A to Z in a few days. It often takes years of work and sacrifice. Women think femdom is only for the benefit of the men, but there are deep satisfactions that come with these relationships.

We want to connect with our men. We want them there as our soul mates. We love to be touched by them. We want them to touch us both physically and spiritually. We want them there for us when the rest of the world is going crazy. And yes, we want their support because even as strong women we need the hand of a loving man by our side. And just as men trust us to do what is best for them we know that they are there for us in our time of need. A loving submissive husband devoted to his wife and family is a treasure.

And, James thank you for being my hero this day. It is my hope that nothing here should embarrass you in the least way.  A big kiss to all of you and especially to those who were kind enough to share.

Love you all,


Kathy

Morning Thoughts.........

'It is not the makeup on  her face, but the makeup of her attitude' that attracts a man to a woman.

If there is one line from the all of the comments that should be repeated time and time again it is this one. Have you have seen a couple and wondered what it is that attacks a nice looking man to a woman like 'that'. I think we all have. It is of course love, but love springs forward from attraction of some type.

Men are first attracted to nice looking women, but beyond that men want to be with women who are smart, confident, and who have the ability to lead them. In many ways this starts back in high school. Sure, it was often the boy who asked the girl out on the first day. Yet, it was the girl that sent signals out to the boy that it was safe to ask her. And, most of the outings were planned by the girls. The boys were often told how to dress,  time for pickup, and where to wait while the girls went in group to the restroom.

The comments are so different than they were in the early years of the blog. Most of the comments are from men who are in some version of a femdom relationship. It my opinion that more and more men are finding the self confidence to open up about their need for control. Women are often accepting of leading men as long as it is not called femdom or by some other label that seems to have a type of kink attached to it. What men fail to realize is that women do not want to be seen by others as being controlling or bossy.


Love, Kathy

Morning Thoughts.......

Good morning to all of you.

Once again it is the comments that give me food for thought as I relay them back to my own experiences.

Yes, having John eat pages from a magazine seemed to make the point that there would be no more porn in his life, but was it the right thing to do. You can always go back in time to question whether this or that was the right decision, but you can't change things. As a mistress you are the one responsible for making decisions that affect your family. What often seems appropriate at one stage of your life may seem very different when looking back on things. What I tell my daughter is try not to second guess her self. Not all of your decisions will be the best ones.  Just by assuming the role of decision maker and mistress you become something of a hero to David, I tell her.

The comment from Alex gave me pause to think. Some of you are hooked on the internet for the daily offerings that come with it. The comment from Alex made me realize that a few of you may actually be addicted to this blog. My first reaction is that this is not right. The internet world should never replace the real world . A blog by an internet mistress should aid in the relationship with the woman in your life rather than supplant it.  My concern is that men tend to spend too much time on the computer. John is allocated a certain amount of time to serf and relax, but that time is limited.

Almost every where we go there are people looking down at their cell phones ignoring those who are with them. When a husband is in your company there are good reasons for having both his cell phone and his wallet safely parked away in your purse. And, as I tell Becky, take over David's phone every so often just to see who is calling, texting, or emailing him. A well supervised man is usually a well behaved man. A submissive husband in a femdom relationship should have no expectation of privacy from his mistress. It was I'm Hers I believe who once mentioned that every so often Katie will surprise him with a face time call. She has him turn the phone in every direction so that she can see who is with him. In preparing this post I was a little surprised to learn that Becky some times does this with David.  Traveling on business he is required to call her when he is back in his hotel room for the evening. She sometimes surprises him with a face time call an hour or so later. It may surprise many of you, but men appreciate this type of supervision from their mistress.

In was back in 2007 that John  became aware of several femdom blogs on the internet that he thought had value.  He asked  permission to follow them. Before giving permission I needed to see what he was asking for. It was during the review that I came aware of the blog by Fd and one or two others that seemed to have value.  While I enjoyed reading many of the comments there was something missing. What I noticed was that there were no comments from women. The reaction to my comments was over whelming. What was clear to me was that men were looking for input from women. Not only was it wanted, they were desperate for it.

It was John who suggested that I write a blog based on our experiences. My fist reaction was negative as the idea of a sex blog was repulsive to me. Then it occurred to me that femdom is really about relationships. I am not so old or so foolish as not to realize that there is a sexual component to femdom, but for me at least it is primarily about relationships. When I talk with Becky it is about relationships. Yes, I know that David came to her with a request to be locked. What do you think mom, she asked. If you feel it is good for the relationship than go with it, I told her. Anything beyond wanting them to give  me grand children is more than I  need to know. Like my John, David is a sweet man who has a distinct need for female authority in his life. A problem for Becky is that she has no friends in the lifestyle.

More than anything else it was the friends in the lifestyle who made the difference for me. These were the women who went to Tara with their husbands for education. She formed them int her 'new comers' group. It gave them a chance to talk with one another, share stories, and sometimes cry together. By invitation I became part of that group.

The last point to make this morning is that I am neither a super hero or a mortar. John may have committed infidelities, but he knew that I would not be willing to accept him as my submissive.
The reality of John's situation was simply that a paid mistress was the only way forward for him.
 My reality was  having either an up happy marriage with a man who needed a mistress, or learning to be the mistress my husband needed. The  lesson I learned was talk to your husband. Talk with him every day. Be open with him and encourage him to be open with you.



Love, Kathy

Morning Thoughts....

It is the comments more than anything else that keeps me attached to the blog. This morning there were so many great comments that I hardly know where to start.

Many of the comments over the years have praised me for finding a way to stay with the marriage in the face of John's infidelity. John made a mistake as we all do from time to time. Yet, coming home from that first visit with Tara my heart was crushed. For so many years there had been a 'we', now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. The fact that at that we were no longer a couple opened a chiasm in my heart that was wider than the grand canon. Turning into my drive way that day of the first meeting with Tara I stopped the car to look at the big empty house in front of me. The house seemed so large and so lonely. Through out the meeting with Tara and the drive home I was able to keep my composure. At that moment in the driveway I broke down into tears.

Looking at the house my mind wondered back to all of the good times we had there. I thought of the family dinners with the children, the Christmas mornings opening presents and realized that those times were over. I also remembered the words my mother  spoke to me while helping  in the kitchen. Marriages are made in heaven, but lived on earth she would tell me. Marriages, she told me, need to be worked at.  There will be difficult times she warned. As I grew older she talked more about relationships. Catholic wives are supposed to be the heart and soul of a family. It was the wife she told me who was charged with the responsibility of infusing the Holy Spirit into the family. Exactly how I was to do this was always something of a mystery, but those words stayed with me.

That first meeting in the studio lasted well over an hour. For me it was a surreal experience. The nearly naked house boys- older men coming and going  politely responding to every instruction were something from another world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined grown men acting as subservient toward  women as they were with us. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that until a few days earlier John had been one of these servile males clinging to Tara's every word waiting for her next command. 'Why', I asked myself. At that moment there was no good answer.

In that first meeting Tara did almost all of the talking. Those of you who have followed the blog from the beginning may recall the words she repeated to me. 'At least he is not an axe murderer' she would say. It took me a little while to realize what she was trying to tell me. There are a lot worse things in the world than being a submissive man. In a recent comment I'm Hers asked if I was happy living as a mistress wife. The answer is yes, but it took some time. In the world I grew up in the man was supposed to be the leader. The wife was supposed to be the support person taking care of everyone else.

From Tara's prospective the purpose of the meeting was to tell me that John's behavior was perfectly normal. The world is full, she told me, of men who want nothing more than to live as obedient servants to women. Is that such an evil thing she would then say. The problem she told me is that society expects men to be in charge, to be the leaders. Not only society at large she said, but wives and girl friends want the traditional type of husband or boy friend. Toward the end of that first meeting she invited me to come to studio on a regular basis to work with the clients so that I could learn what the world of dominance and submission was all about.

Siting in the drive way that afternoon I knew the answer to Tara's invitation.


Love you all,


Kathy

Morning Thoughts...

Well, here it is Sunday morning. With John now retired the routine of our lives has changed. The days, the weeks, and the months seem to fly by. I have been working part time, on and off, for the last couple of years. There is always work for me when I want it. It is nice to have work experiences that are in demand. I can't imagine staying home eating bom-boms everyday, growing fat and old supervising a husband while he cleans.

The truth of the matter is that John has developed out side interest. He plays golf and volunteers his time as a docent at a local museum. Some of the blogs preach the idea of the house husband who is not allowed social interest outside of the home. For me this is concept is repulsive. Men need guy friends. They need to be with other men where they can do guy things. Many of the fantasy books talk about the idea of feminizing men into some type of sissy version of themselves. What woman, what wife would want that.

I very much enjoyed reading the comments to this current series of posting. Most men have spells of rebellion in them. There are times when John is less submissive than others. Alex made the comment that reading the blog causes his submissive side to come out. The entire idea of male submission remains a mystery to me. The studio was an artificial environment where the guys came for an hour or so to bow, kiss feet, and take orders from women. Submission in the real world if much more complicated.

In the real world a wife must learn to handle a husband when he is having those alpha moments.
A husband can ask for play time which is fine. Yet, in a more serious femdom marriage a wife can not let the husband decide which days he should serve and obey, and which days the rules of the house do not apply. I have had emails from wives who have given their guys orders to do things only to be yelled at by them. Is there any wonder that there are not more femdom marriages?

If a couple works at femdom it is possible for each of them to grow in their respective roles. This is what happened with John and I. The studio experience for John was more than just an hour here and then. He was one of Tara's house boys who came to do serious work. He cleaned, he painted, he cut grass and took care of her plants. He spent many nights sleeping in her kennel while he was supposedly on business trips. Yet, as serious as this experience was he knew that he could always leave without repercussions.

In a marriage where the wife controls all of the financial assets, has most property in her name things are different. When John came home the advice given to me was to make it 'real'. Make John understand that when he accept you as his mistress there is no turning back. Make sure that femdom is not a game that he can turn on or off as his mood dictates. As our relationship developed in the first year or two I began to see the importance of protocols and rules. Whether in a so called submissive frame of mind or not John was expected to follow orders.

In the beginning there were more times in which he was punished. He was learning. We were both learning. My friends told me not to worry about punishing him. Make sure he understands that punishment if for real. Make sure he realizes that any failure to accept punishment could result in the end of our femdom relationship, and perhaps our marriage. We know there would be alpha moments. Yet, we also knew that John needed a mistress in order to be happy. And yes, in the beginning I very much felt the weight of that responsibility.

Love, Kathy

Morning Thoughts..

Good morning to all of you. And, most of all a big thank you to those of you who were kind enough to share. Once again we have been favored with a well thought out comment from Mistress Sandra.
As much as I love her commenting on Femdom 101 she should have her own blog. She has a lot of good things to say. It is my hope that both Mistress Sandra and Mistress Diane come by often to say hello. Please thank them both for their contributions.

One of the points that Mistress Sandra makes is that within the femdom community there is a wide variety of relationships. Some forms of femdom are so mild that they resemble vanilla relationships.
Our neighbor Carol comes by once or twice a week for coffee. She sees and hears me giving simple instruction to John such as make another pot of coffee, or do this and that. It is easy for her to see that John takes orders from me, but she has no idea that we practice things like Command Position, or that he has so little freedom of choice in his life. She would be astounded to know that he lives as my sweet little slave boy.

As all of you know my baptism into dominance and submission was in the studio. What attracted me to femdom was the sweetness of the clients. In the studio men felt free to lower their guard showing their true self. We had doctors, lawyers, and all soughs of professional men who came to us. Most of them wanted nothing more than a safe environment where they could be free to be the person they wanted to be. A part of what we did was ask them questions. Would you like to live as a woman's slave was a typical question. Would you like to  live as your wife's slave was a follow up question.To my surprise the answers were often positive and well though out. You could tell that the gentlemen had been thinking about the question long before it was asked.

Some of the men who came to us were afraid to embrace the submissive side of their personality.
On the outside they were sometimes aggressive toward women. It was kind of  a defense mechanism Tara told me. She also felt like the woman who could break through that outer defense mechanism could have a loyal husband for ever. Her own husband was something like this. He came to her as a client. He has emotional issues she told me. On the outside he acted like an alpha male. On the inside there was a sweet obedient man trying to come out. He spent so much time with Tara that there was no way he could afford to pay her. She fell for him and he became her live in submissive. In her words she tamed him.

"For men there is something appealing about the idea of being tamed by a confident women."

The last sentence was put in quotation marks for a reason. It is a good discussion point. Have any of you ever been tamed? Have any of you wished to be tamed by a woman?

Giving up freedom of choice is a big step for a man to take, yet some men are willing to do it.

 These are questions to ask your self. If you have the courage to share please do.

Love you all,

Kathy


Kathy4563@gmail.com

Morning Thoughts.

This morning I had to laugh.

One of the sections of Yahoo that I sometimes like to read is Dear Abbey. This morning the question came from a woman who was tired of seeing her brother 'bullied' by his wife. According to the sister her brother is totally controlled by his wife who is several years younger. She controls who he is allowed to socialize with, his free time, and even what clothes he can wear along with his work schedule. Abbey's response was something to the effect 'is he complaining'. If not she advised the sister not to say anything. On the surface Abbey seems to have missed the obvious point that this woman's bother is a submissive man living with a mistress wife.

In spite of the internet and all the material that are easily available vanilla people do not understand dominance and submission or femdom marriage. Most women are not even aware that there are submissive men in the world. They are usually sweet men who need the authority of a woman in their life. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. The title of my blog Femdom 101 is meant to sound something like a basic course taught in a university or college. There should be a place where women can go to safely learn  about submissive men in a pre Cana type instruction. My two basic psychology courses said nothing about wives taking control of their husbands. My introduction to femdom came as an unpaid intern in the studio. In the time I spent working there I learned more about men and women than at any other time in my life.

The studio was indeed a dominatrix type of place when men paid for services. What made it special was that it gave men much more than a type of dungeon experience. The mistress owner understood that the real way to control men was through the mind rather than the whip. She talked  at length with her clients. She learned their hopes as well as their fears. She knew how to make the experience as real as possible. She is the one who taught me the value of basic commands such as Command Position. One of the things I quickly observed was that men loved to be placed in what was a most humiliating position. In that simple position with the toes, knees, and elbows on the ground the woman is in total control. The male is trained to remain complexly motionless until being allowed the privilege of rising. 

When John first came home we practiced 'Command Position' on a daily basis. It was not so much about simply learning the position as it was conditioning him to automatically  respond  to the signal. It is easy for a man to respond to command in the privacy of the home, but the trick is to have them so conditioned that they instantly respond in any environment at any time. In the studio a man would be slapped if he waited a second or decided to take a quick look around before executing the command.

As a training tool the concept of Command Position is that a man should instantly obey the instructions of any female any place any time. The idea is that a woman's commands should never be second guessed. Even in the studio I could see how this type of training tended to build us a sense of trust in the clients. After a few sessions of intense training men would become more obedient in a general type of way. In the military basic soldiers learn how to drill and march to commands of senior officers. It is not really about learning to drill as much as it is about teaching them to follow orders.

In recent years John and I have gotten away from the daily use of Command Position. In the kitchen that morning my sense told me that it was time to remind John that he was still my little slave boy who was subject to my every command. Yes, he needed that. And yes, if submissive men have the feeling that mistress no longer cares they often become grumpy and even petulant or envious of the freedoms of an eighteen year old.

Love, Kathy

Morning Thoughts

It is Tuesday morning and I am enjoying my first day off from work in quite some time.

The reality of our life has changed a great deal during the past several months. My sweet husband is now fully retired-no longer a wage slave. On the other hand I am still employed. Having a full time house husband is quite different from sharing one with a job. It is an adjustment for both of us, but in the long run it will be good.

Over the weekend a neighbor friend came over for coffee. She opened the conversation by saying that her eighteen year old son purchased a car. It was a used car with high millage, but she was proud of the fact that her son purchased it with his own money. Some of the money came from allowances, family gifts, and that type of thing, but much of the money came from his summer jobs.
With a little bit of a smile I asked when he was going to show it off to us. "Oh, he is driving all over taking his friends for rides and talking about how it can be fixed up", she replied.

Most of this conversation occurred while John was emptying the dishwasher and putting up the breakfast dishes. He, like most men loves to listen in on female conversations even when he does not  take part in them. When you live with a man for a long time you can tell when he is thinking about something. What is on your mind, sweetie, I asked him. At first his reply was a simple 'O nothing' type of answer. Then he said I was thinking about Carol's eighteen year old son. In what way, I asked John. 'Well, he is only eighteen and he has more spending money and freedom than I have' he said.

John's response made me laugh a little, but in another way it was surprising to see that he was envious of this young man. It was then my turn for a 'well' type answer. 'Well, a long time ago you gave up freedom to become my slave', I reminded him. 'It was a choice you made" I emphasized.
'Do you regret it', I asked. 'No mistress' he reopened, but in some ways I could tell he was envious of the young man's freedom to go where he pleased and spend money as he wished.

At that moment my 'mistress' intuition kicked in. I snapped my fingers bringing John to Command Position. In things like yoga and body pump classes it is referred to as a child pose, except there is no talking unless answering a direct questions, and the guy is not allowed movement until given permission. It is something we both learned in the studio. Over the years I have appreciated the value of training a man with this simple hand command. In no uncertain terms it lets a man know who is in control and who is not.

After placing him in Command Position I continued for several minutes with my computer and coffee while he remained in place. I needed to remind him of what it felt like to be a slave-to be my slave.
After a few more minutes I again reminded him that giving up freedom was his decision, and that as long as we were married he would remain my little slave boy. He might be seventy or eighty years old I told him, but he would always be my little slave boy. And, although this might seem foolish John sometimes needs to hear that from me. Men in general some times need firm talk from their wives and mistresses. It assures them of their place in the relationship.

Although the house was already clean, I knew it was a good time to assign chores. This morning I told him I want the kitchen and guest bath room cleaned. I want this done before you do anything else. 'Do you hear me', I asked. 'Yes mistress' he responded. 'You may then kiss my feet,  get  naked  and get  to it' I told him. 'And, while working I want to hear slave whistling', I instructed him.

Love, Kathy

Monday Morning

The last posting was meant to be kind of fun. One of the sometimes problems with this blog is it takes some things too seriously. As long as it doesn't bother a wife having a guy wear panties or pretty little outfits can be a fun thing to do. If he had his way John would go panty shopping every week. Yes, he is embarrassed, humiliated and such to be in the plus size shop, but he loves the feeling of excitement that comes with it. And yes, while I can't explain it, the feeling of embarrassment is a part of his pleasure.

Working in the studio I quickly learned that guys love to be shown off in their prettiest underwear. It was fun to take them around the studio and have them show their panties to whatever female might be available at the moment. From a practical standpoint keeping your guy in panties helps to control his weight and encourages exercise. It has been about a year since one of my 'special' girl friends had a get together. Her husband served the group. She asked if John might be available to lend a hand. Helping to serve lunch and wine for a half dozen women is a 'dream' activity for a submissive man, and I knew that John would be delighted with the prospect.

Men take pride in their appearance. This is even more so when they know that women will be looking at their bare bodies. Prior to the time of John's visits with the dominatrix he had been slowly gaining weight. Tara gave him the nick name of 'jellybean' and we went on a diet. During the years of serving Tara he managed to louse most of the weight he had previously gained. At the time I was pleased with his exercise and weight loss program. Of course I had no idea what motivated him. A part of John's supervision is a weekly weigh in.

As simple and lame as it may sound but keeping a man in panties will often motivate him to keep his body in shape



Love you for reading.


Kathy

Happy Easter..

Easter is one of my favorite times of the year. The weather is warm yet the oppressive heat associated with the summer months is yet to come. What I miss about this day is what it was like when the children were young, and excited about the prospect of finding candy baskets in discreetly hidden places. Yesterday I surprised John with a special little gift that was over due. I took him shopping for  panties at the plus size store. This is embarrassing for him but he still treasurers the excitement that comes along with the experience. It is always special when the young sales associate says something like, 'oh, for him', and then proceeds to point us toward the merchandise. 'He usually takes size ten I graciously point out, and then ask if the store has anything cute in that size'. Sales associates in women's stores are more helpful toward male shoppers than with women. We often hear something like don't  feel bad, you would be surprised by the number of men we have shopping here.

I believe many women would be surprised by the number of men who secretly wear women's underwear under their clothing. Once a gentlemen told me it is about how it makes him feel to wear panties. It helps bring our the softer, more submissive side of his personality he told me. He didn't understand it, but it somehow relaxes him to wear pretty lacy things under his male clothing. This gentlemen though of it as a special treat. Women complain that they are restricted by traditional rules of conduct, and are proud of throwing off the yoke of that repression. As I like to tell some of my girl friends men have also been restricted. Why can't a man wear something pretty and sweet. Why can't a man come out and say he likes to be with a lady who bosses him or simply takes the lead in a relationship.

Happy Easter. Thank you reading. Than you for sharing and being a part of the Femdom 101 community. Also, if any of you have not read the April 7th posting on Femdom Think Tank it is really excellent. Mz Kaylee compares femdom to a warm cozy blanket on a cold day. She talks about the importance of being consistent with authority and control. Every women whether in a femdom relationship or not should read her words. Men need a certain amount of consistency from the lady in their life. Femdom is not a game or a role to be played on certain days of the week. What I tell my daughter is that being a mistress wife is who your are. It is what your husband needs. 'Do you feel good about being David's mistress', I have asked her. 'Yes, most of the time she has responded', but their are the time  she feels guilty and then there are those times when she feels put upon for having to be the person who makes the decisions. A couple of the male responses on Miss Kaylee's posting were also to the point. Men are becoming aware of the responsibility that comes with being a mistress. Some of them appreciate it, some of them do not. And, after you read her posting take a few minutes to thank her and share some of your thoughts with her.


Love, Kathy