Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Notebook

Once again thank all of you for the comments.

In most ways I am still having trouble getting my 'act' together as far as the blog goes.

Not all men are submissive. However, my guess is that there is a fairly large percentage of men who would be happier, more content with life if they lived under the authority of a mistress wife. The idea that some men find satisfaction by serving a woman and doing as she tells them is still difficult for many people to understand. Yet, the empirical evidence suggest that many men do want to live their lives under female control. I have long since given up trying to understand the why of this phenomena, but believe it is real.

In my own family there are two very lovely, sweet submissive men. As most of you know both my husband and my daughter's husband fall into this category. As both a wife and a mother there is nothing wrong with having such a man in your life. Yet, time after time women seem to walk away as soon as they see the submissive label tattooed upon a man.  Why I ask my self. What is so wrong with a man who is willing to serve, who is willing to make a woman's life better. What is so wrong with taking the time and the energy to develop the submissive side of a man so that he can become a better, more perfect version of himself.

For most of her life Becky has been more of the student in our mother/daughter relationship. Now I find that the shoe is on the other foot. This past summer we spent a large amount of time together in her home-where she is mistress. We still talk, she still ask questions, but more and more she has become the teacher. For one thing she has become more of a disciplinarian then I have ever been.
Where I have stayed away from spanking she willingly incorporates it into the structure of her relationship. She is not reluctant to use the bristle side of the hairbrush to let her husband know when he is out of line. And, the interesting aspect of their relationship is that her husband appreciates her efforts.

When we talked about discipline her response was simply that most men respect a woman who is willing to punish them. A painful spanking, followed by corner time and a lecture, is a way of letting a man know who is in charge she tells me.. David, may not like the spanking, yet it serves a useful purpose in their marriage. David, she says to me tends to become cranky and pouty when he goes too long without a punishment of some type. As she put it to me punishment when needed is a part of developing the submissive part of his personality. Developing the submissive side of David's personality is a responsibility she takes seriously. Why, because that is what he needs to become a better husband and a better father. She is a mother to her children and a mistress to her husband.

Does it ever happen that her roles as mistress and mother sometimes become a little mixed up, I asked. Very seldom, she responded. She was very firm that she wants David as a husband not a child.
She expects him to be a father to their children, a good role model, and her right arm in helping to manage the household. She went on to say that many of her friends have husbands who do nothing around the house except watch sports on the television. She then gave me a little smile. David, like daddy is not allowed to turn on the television without permission she said. Becky may have learned this rule from me, but in many other ways she is more advanced than I have ever been.

Over the next week or so I will try to continue with this posting. Yet, I wonder how many of you see yourself as kind of a David. For those of you who actually live under the authority of a wife or girlfriend does it make you happier? Does it make you more productive as a person? As femdom been a positive in your life? Please let me hear from you on this topic. Although they seldom comment there many women who follow this blog, and they are looking for the answers to these questions.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing,


Kathy

22 comments:

BB said...

Dear Ms.Kathy,
I've been reading your blog for many years now, and I am truly envious of your husband and your daughter's husband. I wish I could find a woman like you or your daughter, I yearn for it. It gives me such joy to serve a woman, to be obedient, and to do everything I can to make her life easier. Unfortunately, although I've opened up to a few women about this desire, none of them seem to have appreciated it. Too bad for me I guess.

Anonymous said...

My wife has punished me for many years. She has used a variety of methods, but her primary preference is spanking. She does not hesitate to deliver 100 to 200 strokes of a paddle, cane, switch, or other painful implement.

It has become more difficult for her to deliver spankings since our kids have gotten older...we do not share our practices with our kids other than they know mom is in charge and dad cleans. So since this development I have had times of being less submissive, less obedient and more argumentative toward her. The spankings were painful but they helped me be a better husband and servant. They drew the line for me so there was no question she had control. The way she spanks is very painful but the spankings always helped me be a better submissive partner.

Jay

david c said...

I am so glad you are back with us, I thought you were gone. THANK YOU

James said...

Mistress Kathy

It's lovely to read your post after the summer has passed and to feel that I can contribute something to it.

As you will know, living under my wife's authority has been a hugely positive influence on me. I was always under the impression that our marriage was an intensely happy one before my wife decided to become my Mistress and owner but in retrospect, it was nowhere near as fulfilling and satisfying as it is now - for both of us.

Professionally, I find that I am more productive, knowing that I have to be organised in order to set time aside to complete the tasks that my wife has set me. No longer do I race against deadlines - client matters must now be concluded with enough space to finish what has been set for me within the house.

That sense of discipline has been invaluable. Excuses are not tolerated and slipping from the standards that are set for me is always punished but at the same time, a job well done always receives due praise and reward. One of the effects of a wife-led marriage is that I have ceded all power to my wife but simultaneously, have been freed from certain responsibilities - she will take care of the big picture and draw up the strategy for our life together, because, as she often reminds me, she is better at it than me. It is another example of her superiority over me. I am freed from those cares that once might have plagued me and can focus my attention exclusively on submitting to her will.

Friends and family have frequently commented in recent years that I appear to be a happier, more relaxed person. This has coincided with my wife's role as the controlling authority in my life. I say "coincided" - it isn't a coincidence at all, of course. To serve, to obey, to ask permission for what I used to take for granted has been such a liberating experience - I do recommend it unreservedly to any woman or man who may be turning the idea over in their minds.

Thanks again, Mistress Kathy, for permitting us to share these little snippets of our lives with you.

Respectfully as always,

James

Anonymous said...

Great post!

Yes, for me anyway. I feel my self best serving my wonderful wife. I cook, clean and what ever else she asks when she wants it. I wear panties daily and a chastity device. I have never been happier in my life.
We have monthly punishment session to keep me focused. They are not severe but enough of a reminder that I do not want of her full blown punishment session.
If life gets in in the way (like it does for everybody!) and we miss our scheduled session, I too get grumpy and maybe a bit mouthy like Becky's David. I would have never thought that being punished on a regular schedule would make me so happy and content. Like you Ms. Kathy, I have long given up trying to figuring the reasons for things in this lifestyle! All I know is how happy I am and how happy my wife is.
Love your blog!!

Jennifer said...

I am so grateful to my Mistress for her discipline, and really I feel that she could be even more so with me but we are still growing.

When she disciplines me I know she cares enough for me to want to do it :-) And of course if there were no satisfaction for her, if it doesn't get the results she wants, I'm sure she would not have any interest in it.

She loves the position of authority, that was the opposite in her prior relationships. I take a bit of pride in seeing her enjoyment, and that just makes me want to be even more obedient. And as I have become more so over time, her happiness seems to continue to grow also. It's like we are building off of each other, both of us realizing more happiness as we grow more into this.

Thank you so much for your sharing on your blog. I do take what you share as a great role model for FemDom relationships.

Take care!
jen

Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

Hi Kathy. Glad to see you are back. Hope you had a good summer.

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,
First I am so grateful you are posting again. Yes it makes me happier because it makes me a better person. Unfortunately what is worse is how unproductive I become when my wife doesn't have control. Me wanting to be my best is not enough without my wife. I need her guidance and that has become very clear. Thanks again for the post

Ur Bobo

Greg said...

Yes, definitely my wife uses corporal punishment on me, and I love her more for doing so.
I am not argumentative afterward, and we get along so much better when I am reminded to do as she says without question. We have booked time on two occasions (which I was told to pay for) with a professional disciplinarian so she could teach my wife how to be more effective delivering my correction, including how to deliver an unforgettable lecture prior, and after using a hairbrush, strap, or cane. Becky is obviously a wise independent woman, and I am sure David loves her dearly, and realizes how wonderful she is to have as a wife.

Greg said...

Dear Mistress Kathy:

You mentioned in this post that you spent a great deal of time this summer with Becky, and David. This got me remembering the time you wrote about Becky placing David into command position in front of you to see how he would react. My wife once put me over her knee (bare), and spanked me with the hairbrush in front of her mother. Thankfully this has never happened in front of my mom. Did Becky ever openly spank David, then send him to the corner while you were present, and watching this happen? Spanking me in front of her mother was one of the most humiliating things ever to happen to me, but I probably learned the most from it. I have never back talked to my wife's mother since. I always refer to her as mom now, and never by first name since that spanking occurred.

Anonymous said...

As a fantasy, femdom is very strong and potent.

In contrast, based on what is documented here, the reality would leave me angry, resentfull,!and discontented. The cavalier attitudes toward inflicting painful physical punishments that are truly intended to cause real suffering and no enjoyment, (e.g., spankings with bristle sides of brushes and forced eating of magazine pages), would destroy any affection I have for my wife, especially as the intent behind these acts is very mean-spirited and dark-hearted.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy. Love love love that you are back to blogging. I must admit that I am much like David in that I tend to get a bit cranky every couple weeks . Like Becky my wife has learned that,a domonstration of her power and authority ,usually through some form of punishment, does wonders for my attitude. My wife's punishments for me include spankings, an hour or more in the corner, writing her essays, extra chores such as pulling weeds in the yard for 2-3 hours, and more. I don't have to ask permission to watch TV (yet) but I must ask permission to leave the dinner table before I can start my kitchen cleaning. I don't know why it is but life under the authority of a woman is a beautiful thing. Thank you for all you do to inspire strong women and nurture men in their submissiveness to them.
Marty

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mistress Kathy, I feel that FemDom is pretty much integrated into every plane of who I am and has been, increasingly, for over twenty years.
For the last year or so I have been in my most (probably first truly) meaningful relationship ever and it's the first relationship that's ever actually had the F/m dynamic.
Loving FLR and one end of the spectrum and mindful explorations into my darker, colder masochistic urges on the other- both are essential parts of who I am.

The psyche is so complex, pain can be improving in the way that you write about here, it can be an endurance test that feels liberating and edifying once relieved, or can be enjoyed for it's own sake as the brain interprets the impact euphorically.

Part of what is so fascinating is exploring these liminal spaces as a couple, the porous boundaries between binary states when pain can be pleasure, restriction can be freedom, fear can be comfort.

And yes, it makes me a better partner. Though I've still always got room for a lot of improvement.

I was hoping you'd be back Mistress Kathy. :) Bless you and your family (and readers!)

- Jake UK

Sandra said...

Most men seem to want and need corporal punishment to play a part in their FLR. It comforts them, relieves them of stress, makes the FLR real, lets them know they are valued, loved and cared about. Corporal punishment forms a powerful bond between a man and his Mistress. On the other hand, to most women discipline is needless, mean spirited abuse. This is especially true during the beginning of an FLR. The reasons why women reject discipline are many and much easier to understand. One of the biggest being that most women are not dominant and were introduced to FLR's by a man they had already married. A man they assumed also wanted a traditional marriage. Most women are not comfortable with all the talk about femdom, female authority, obedience and punishment. It is not something they ever expected or were looking forward too. Becoming a mans Mistress is something that is usually thrust upon us. And unfortunately, more often than not rejected without a second thought.

The need and use of discipline is so misunderstood that FLR's have ended because of it. And even if the relationship doesn't end, I believe the couple and their FLR will suffer. Of course this is just my opinion and I know of at least one couple that have managed a to build a very good FLR without corporal punishment. I realize that to someone looking in or a beginner, formal discipline can appear to be harsh and unnecessary. When I got interested in an femdom I had a problem with the discipline I witnessed. And it took time for me to understand the need for it in an FLR. Even then, it was hard for me to participate the first few times I was expected to join in a discipline session. One very important thing I learned was to see discipline from the males perspective and not my own. To try and understand his need for punishment even when I couldn't understand it myself.

I encourage women to at least give it a chance with an open mind before an all out rejection. What I don't expect is for a beginner to just jump in and do what I do. Even the most strict disciplinarian started out not very sure of herself. My advice is always to have a plan/goal first. Talk things out, keeping nothing from each other. Have all the needs, desires and expectations for the future of the FLR clearly spelled out. Then make a committment to go forward in love and trust for each other. Knowing that as they grow things will change. Some things will work out and some won't, needs, wants and desires will change. What was once completely ruled out may now be a consideration. In a healthy FLR the learning, training and experimentation never really end. I also advise couples not to judge others because they are not on your level. Whether we are just starting out or very experienced, we are quick to jump to conclusions. We tend to believe that if others are not doing it our way they must be doing it wrong. Not realizing that each femdom couple has to find their own level of comfort. And that each is on their own journey of growth and understanding female led relationships. What looks like abuse to a beginner today may not be even close to that a year or two later.

Couples should have a plan/goal, women need confidence in themselves and their authority. Knowing that men need discipline, it's not abuse, it's love and understanding. Men need to cooperate, don't play games and do as they are told. Trust that what you'll end up with if you do it her way will be much more satisfying than anything topping from the bottom will ever get you. Don't judge anything your not ready to except right now. Instead concentrate on your growth, your level of comfort and your goals. In femdom just like in vanilla relationships we all need to find what's right for us.

Anonymous said...

Kathy:

Long story short, the wife and I have a mixed marriage……she is pure “vanilla” without a dominant bone in her body…..but not a push over and a capable and very competent Woman…just a sweet dear Woman…..I am a strong and confident Man but submissive to my core.

Next year we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and through many of those years this difference created great rife in our marriage and often times limited the intimacy. Back in the early days neither of us had any idea what this was all about and had never heard of Femdom or an FLR. No internet back then. Actually back then I just thought I was kinky enjoying taking orders from my wife in the bedroom.

It took me a long time to see how much my desires were hurting my wife. She didn’t understand….didn’t think she was enough for me……That I didn’t love her. She didn’t want to be controlling….the “man” is supposed to be the leader.

Twenty-one years ago at age 50 I simply decided to bury my feelings and desires and stop making life uncomfortable and unhappy for my wife. So we returned to “normalcy” and enjoyed a modicum of happiness.

Overtime I came to realize that I am truly a submissive man when it comes to the Woman I love, not just kinky. I simply wish to serve her, adore her, take care of her, and make her life as enjoyable as possible. My joy in life, my pleasure comes from providing pleasure to my wife

After we retired, out of the blue, the wife offered to give the FLR a try. I was very surprised and of course readily agreed. I immediately was given the tasks of all the household chores….laundry, ironing, cleaning, cooking some times, but always cleaning up the kitchen. I was even given a schedule with the result being that the house was always immaculate.

The wife took control of the TV remote, our travel schedule, the restaurants and movies that we saw, and the choice in foods and exercise that we performed.

Truthfully the happiest time of my life. Serving my wife and having her lead our marriage brought such a feeling of peace and serenity to me and a feeling of satisfaction and closeness to her that I had not felt since we were courting

About six months into this life style the wife sat me down and said that she no longer wanted to live the FLR lifestyle. It took too much effort on her part and she wanted to concentrate on other aspects of life.

What could I say? As a submissive I now understood that being what I am means submitting to whatever the Wife desires, including no FLR lifestyle. I accepted the wife’s decision, reluctantly, and for the last two years have again buried my inner self.

Recently however, I could no longer hold inside my desires. Heck they are as strong as ever and I am 71…..not many years left. So I approached the wife and said, you don’t have to be the leader of our marriage, but I do need to serve and take care of you as I did in the past. She agreed to allow me the chance to try.

So these days I fulfill a similar role around the house as I did during the experimental period. She appreciates that I take good care of the place and her and allow us the life style we have chosen.

The joy I feel is hard to express, but it does make me feel productive. And with my household duties and my 15 hours of volunteer work, and the golf and travel we do together, life is pretty full.

My career was very demanding: Lots of time at work, with lots of responsibility and at a high pace.

Not only have I coveted for years the close intimacy with my wife that now exists but I could not spend my retirement years sitting around watching TV or reading books. I am busy nearly every moment now and I am the happiest I have ever been. Hard to explain but I do feel “complete” for the first time in my life.

Steve

John Dalton said...

Ms Kathy .

So glade to see you are back . I enjoyed reading your post and especially found your comments about " becoming the student " to your daughter interesting.You have been a strong advocate of the lifestyle for many years and in some ways have led the charge in the blogger world in establishing the basic concepts of a FLR. However ,with all that said I have always sensed a slight reluctance on you part in completely accepting the lifestyle . I think Becky , because of your influence, embraced the lifestyle without the reservations and will continue to evolve far beyond her husbands desires . In her life ,I suspect that her power and authority have become very real and constant discipline is necessary to insure that her husband evolves in the lifestyle with her.

It is evident in everyday life that younger women, not so burdened with tradition, are much more likely to use a husbands submissive desires to enhance her life and actually take control . I really wonder sometimes if older men who are so consumed with submission could actually play on a younger woman's level. Being submissive is easy as long as it follows your narrative but is it really that exciting with a woman who expects your submission as a normal part of life?

Take care
John

Kathy said...

Thank all of you for the wonderful comments.

Mentally, I have not yet really gotten back into the blog. And yes, I am a proponent of the lifestyle. Not because women are superior to men, or anything like that. It is my belief that femdom relationships have a way of completing a man on a mental and on a spiritual basis. Living under the authority of a mistress wife has a way of making a man into a better, happier, more content version of himself. Of at least equal importance femdom has a way of making men into better husbands and better fathers.

More and more I have come to believe that accepting the submissive nature of a husband is as much a duty of a wife as baring responsibility for raising children.
Over the summer months I have learned so much simply by watching Becky and her husband interact. In a real sense one can sense the love in their family home. And, there is a duty to one another. She has taken on the duty of leadership. David has taken on the duty of being a good,obedient follower. David respects Becky has his mistress and loves her as a wife. No matter how tired he may be at the end of the day he treasures the opportunities of serving his mistress.

Serving a mistress wife includes so many little things during the course of the day. It may be getting her a cup of coffee, or getting her clothes ready for work, or simply listening to her talk.

Love you all for reading. I will try to post later in the week. Also, I have a million emails to answer. Kathy

Anonymous said...

What is it like to be outed as a husband who is her wife's "bottom"? As someone who routinely has her wife intercede in all his dealings, I am finding out exactly what it is like to have a dynamic where if you want to do business with us, bypass me and go to her instead. If you are an outsider who is not doing their job properly, you will hear from her, not me, and everybody is afraid of her because she seems much like Alexis Carrington on Dynasty. She has saved me many times from bad judgment and mistakes. All of this is a peculiar combination of deeply humiliating and exhilarating at the same time.

Joel

Daddy said...

I believe I would be a better husband if my wife did discipline me for my faults but unfortunately on the times I have brought up the subject of her spanking me in a playful way she rejects the idea in the strongest terms, end of subject.

Anonymous said...

Kathy
In answer to your question I find myself happier under my wife’s authority. There was little direction in my life, I tended to squander money and time, and I was selfish at times. I was even selfish when it came to intimacy. Well those things have changed, not magically, but over the span of a few years. I find it ironic now. I’m self employed and make business decisions, but actually report to my wife. Even when she is not around my “thing-e” is almost permanently in place, but my wife and I both agree it has had a calming effect and certainly has boosted my submissive feelings. As far as intimacy, I focus on her and we have passion.

beta bob said...

Dear Kathy,
I think that there are dominate and subordinate personalities independent of biological sex. Men tend to exhibit a higher frequency of dominate characteristics and women, subordinate. It doesn't matter if this is a result of biology or of socialization. When an alpha and a beta get together, you will find a harmonious relationship, regardless of who the alpha is, and who the beta.

The problem is that there are plenty of men and women who don't fit this pattern.

I think what you are describing is a case of a beta woman running into a beta man. Beta men feel uncomfortable and inadequate when expected to adopt an alpha role.
But a beta person wants an alpha partner. She knows that such a man cannot fulfill her need for a dominant partner.

Lucky beta man who is found by an alpha woman.


beta bob said...

I just posted a comment for Kathy, but I do want to that Sarah for her thoughtful analysis of female-led relationships. So much of it rings true for me.