Saturday, March 31, 2018

Back To Basics........

In my opinion it has been a very good week for the blog.

There have been far too many comments for me to talk about. And, for the most part there is not much for me to add. Most of you, like me, enjoyed reading Key's book.

What I found most inspiring in the book was the pledge. Words do have meaning. The pledge is beautifully written and the words are inspiring. John has been tasked with the responsibility of memorizing the pledge. How often should it be said. Key suggests it should be said once per week as part of the meeting. For me once per week is not often enough. It may not last more than fifteen or twenty minutes, but john and I have our little talk once per day. And yes, we have incorporated the words of the pledge into our special time together. For me the words are like poetry. When he adds I love you mistress, and want to be your slave the words take on even more meaning. Yes, you are my slave, I tell him, and will be so for the rest of your life. In femdom there is a special meaning to the slave word that simply can't be defined by the dictionary, but it is real. As my salve John is more than my submissive as he is both owned and he is loved.

In a busy life where everyone has careers sometimes it is difficult to find thirty or forty minutes to have a meeting-to have a special time to talk. Yet, I do believe a couple should strive for that special time away from the children- away from the television, and away from all the interferences of modern life. What I have found it that keeping John on his knees for these talks tends to focus him on the discussion at hand rather than the problems of the day. And, in general having a man on his knees helps create a favorable environment. From the comments it seems so obvious that men relish a relationship where a wife who has the confidence necessary to have them to kneel.

While I can not explain what the feeling is for a man to kneel before his wife the comments tell me it is a deeply emotional experience. One gentlemen stated that he would rather be a submissive man yielding to a loving wife than being the riches man in the world. The man who has found a mistress wife who loves him is far richer than the man who strives for money. The man who strives to please a mistress is far more satisfied with his life than the man who strives for power and wealth. This is the power of femdom relationships.

Yet, real life is not a fairy tale. You can't expect a man to labor year after year cleaning toilets, doing house work and such if his mistress show few signs of appreciating his efforts. What I tell women who write to me is take the time to inspect your man's work. If it is done well tell him so. It is not necessary to thank him, and it is often counterproductive. And, it helps to remind a man of his status when giving a compliment. Expressions such as good job my little slave boy mean more to a man than just good job.

In our situation John's house keeping was simply not up to standard. On my vanity table I keep a number of small bottles of perfume. John understands that dusting each of these small bottles is a part of his cleaning job. Yet, the work is faster and easier if he simply moves them to the side. Instead of correcting him  my negligent attitude allowed the problem to become worse. Pretty soon I realized that he was cleaning the house in a fraction of the time. On our retune from the ski trip I set him down for a talk and a lecture. Instead of giving him corner time I made the decision to take away two of his golf days. Some men in femdom marriages would have been spanked or given lines to write.
In some ways he may have come off easy, but John is a mature man who understands what needs to be done. John also understands that if the problem continues he is not too old to be given the humiliating child like punishment of doing time in the corner.

If I have a criticism of the book it is that it fails to deal with the issue of punishment. This is a difficult issue for most women. It takes a great deal of self confidence to give a man real punishment.
And, I suspect  it is deeply humiliating for any man to be punished by his wife. Yet, I also believe that failure in this area is a reason for the breakdown of some marriages. Men need to understand that the wife is in charge. They need to understand that breaking her rules will result in punishment.
In a no nonsense way a husband needs to learn that not doing things Her way will created problems for himself. As Key says so many times in the book 'She is the Boss'.

Love you all for reading. Have a good Easter. And remember that Easter presents opportunities for  doing something special for your wife and for your family. She is not only your wife and mistress She is your spiritual leader. She should be the light of your world. A man once told me that he viewed his wife as the Lord's earthly representative to him. He felt that an offense against his wife's rules was also an offense against the Lord as she was his Lord's earthly representative.  Think about this on Easter Sunday and be thankful for the wonderful things you have been given.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

BackTo Basics.......

If I was underwhelmed by the lack of Comments on Monday morning, I am now overwhelmed.

There are so many well thought out comments that it is really impossible to single one or two  for further discussion. In truth the comments are better than the actual blog, and illustrate the most personal experiences and emotions. And, it is ok for men to show emotion. Emotions make our life richer. Sharing heart felt emotions with a spouse creates a 'we' relationship.

Reading through the comments there is one commonality. Male submission in a female led marriage brings couples closer together. It generates a higher level of intimacy, as well as more passion in the marriage. And, I am not talking  about kink. I am talking about genuine intimacy between a woman and her man. And, when I say man I mean man. The submissive man, the man who finds the courage to bend his knee to his wife is no less a man. He is in my opinion the diamond in the rough that simply needs the firm hand of a loving wife to make him all he can be.

One of the emails I received was from a young gentlemen who took the pledge. He told me that their marriage had been struggling. It was missing something, but they didn't know what. Much of the intimacy this couple shared in the first years of their relationship seemed to be missing. A such, when they decided on the pledge there was no giggling or laughter. In a way they viewed it as a prescription for  the health of their relationship. This young gentlemen found the courage to ask his wife's permission to kneel as he was reciting the pledge. She agreed. He tells me that kneeling before his wife, taking the pledge was one of the most liberating experiences of his life.

As a woman it is difficult for me to understand how a man feels when he surrenders him self to a wife. For that I need John's help as well as all of the comments you have given me. But, it is my understanding that this young man's feeling of liberation is rather common. Liberation from what I would ask. The answer in a very general way is liberation from the restraints of being a man. Liberation to show feelings, to show vulnerability. to show who you really are under the mask of masculinity that society imposes.

As women we simply do not understand the male need for submission. It doesn't make sense, and we were not raised to be leaders. In fact we were raised to be follows. But, we were also raised with the idea that we should please our men. But, when it comes to leading our men there is kind of a glass wall. Yes, we can give then sex, and we can sometimes do the special things they like because these are the things that are expected of us. Yet, when it comes to proving the discipline they need we can not break though that glass wall.

Love you all for all for reading. Love you even more for sharing. You are my little sweethearts, and this blog is to help make your life better.


Monday, March 26, 2018

Back To Basics......

So many people read this blog, yet so few of you participate.

The primary reason for my long absence was the lack of participation. John is the one who gave me encouragement to come back to the blog. We talk about the comments. It is the reactions from you, the reader, that provides me the energy to continue with the blog.

Although many of you are still reading Key's book my reaction to the response this morning has been underwhelming. If Key's book was about spanking instead of a serious discussion on female led relationships there would have been a hundred comments. I am not saying spanking is wrong. I am saying that there is a place for serious discussions related to femdom and female led relationships that doesn't focus on BDSM aspects of it.

There are so many little things to talk about in the book. At the 11% mark Key talks about a strong feeling of connectedness in Female Led Relationships. Would you agree with this. At the 10 percent mark he talks about 'Her Way.' He says the husband abdicates controlling the narrative on how things are done and agrees to please his female leader. Not only accomplishing things, but accomplishing them in the fashion she desires. Would most of you agree with these statements. How does it work in your home?

And, another point that Key makes deserves real discussion.  Tell me- do you think women are natural leaders? Is female judgment superior to males? Is it necessary for a wife's judgment to be superior to her husband for her to lead the relationship.

I am sorry to make this comment, but it is true. If you want an example of what happens in a female led relationship when a husband is not properly disciplined look at the I'm Hers blog. In my opinion female discipline is a necessity. Discipline is not the same as punishment, but a system of rules and protocols that provides men with a track  to run on. And given that track men will run hard to please their female ruler.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Back To Basics....

Over the years of doing Femdom 101 we have tried a number of things to broaden its appeal and maintain interest. The blog has a fairly large number of readers, but few of you find the courage to comment. There is a feeling that submissive men find a degree of satisfaction by staying in shadows where they may be seen but not heard.  The idea of the book discussion is to help more of you find the courage to take part in the discussions.

I am so happy that Key Barrett who is the author of Surrender, Submit, and Serve Her has  introduced himself to us. I have enjoyed his comments just as I enjoyed his book. As the title of this series indicates John and I are going thought kind of a renewal of our relationship. Key's book is kind of a basic manual for the couple who is new to the lifestyle. While we are not new in the lifestyle, the book fits in well with our return to basics.

There is nothing in this world that is so important to me as the relationship with my husband. He is not only the rock of my life, he is the love of my life. Someone recently made the comment that the blog should be titled, Femdom 101, a love story. And yes, I agree.

It was at mass this morning that I realized why Key's book had an appeal to me. It is because  the special stories of our lives need to be heard again and again. How many times have we heard the story of our Lord's journey into Jerusalem. How many times have we heard the same liturgy over and over again. Why do we keep going back for the same story. Because it is important. It is a chance for us to renew our faith, and think about the things that really mater in our lives. The book gave us the chance to think about how we live, and what is important to us. Reading the book out loud as a couple helped provide focus.

While I don't mean to equate the book with the gospels, the book helped John and I focus on what is important in our lives. It is our relationship. It is our respect for one another, and especially John's respect for me as his mistress. And, consequently his respect for my authority over his life. While we no longer follow many of the practices of former years, my authority over John's life is about as complete as it can be. He no longer has to ask permission to leave the dinner table, or permission to use the restroom in a restaurant, or permission to speak when one of my mistress friends is present, he still finds comfort in many of these rules. And, as you know in our return to basics we are going back to the practice of using Command Position as a training tool.

But, before going further with this posting I would like to hear more from you about the book.
How many of you have read it. And, has it benefited you and your wife. Has it improved your relationship. Has it helped you to become a better submissive. Has it helped her to become a better mistress. And for those of you who are not in an active femdom relationship, did you enjoy the book and why.

Love, Kathy

Friday, March 23, 2018

Back To Basics...

It had been my hope to post this afternoon.

Unfortunately, the planned posting has become a causality of the beautiful spring weather. Released from his Friday duties I sent John off to the golf course. It was too pretty a day to be spent changing sheets and cleaning toilets. This is the type of day that God intended for humans to enjoy. A friend invited me for lunch in the quarter. After lunch we walked through the quarter close to where the Studio had once been. Just being there brought back so many memories. While it was a difficult time  my memories of the studio are mostly positive.

A little while back a friend asked me about the studio. 'What did you think of working there' she asked. 'All together I enjoyed it' was my reply. The conversation reminded me of an old blog posting that some of you may remember. The client was an elder gentlemen. Just like the younger men we had him strip, brought  him in, and had him kneel. As we talked I noticed that he was tearing up.
As it turned out his favorite fantasy since a teenager had been to kneel naked in front of a lady. On that day we were able to make that fantasy come through. We talked for a while about his submissive needs, about his wife and family, and then allowed him to kiss my feet. It was all a special treat for him.

This coming week I hope to start a conversation about Key Barrette's book. John and I read most of it together. As a mistress I appreciated some of Key's insights. Yes, as he says words have meaning, and saying them out loud helps to convey that meaning. As part of our every day conversation I now have John say the pledge. Of course, I also have him say it while he is on his knees. In my experience having a man on his knees helps conversation. We are now fortunate to have Key with us as a reader of the blog. We are also hope that he becomes a regular contributor.

Opening the blog this afternoon I was a little disappointed not to have a comment from Miss Diane.
In hopes that she is sill reading it is my hope that each of you thank her for commenting. Sometimes it takes a special courage for women to enter into all of this 'guy' talk. Believe me I know.

On Friday afternoon the cocktail hour starts at 4pm. Two of our neighbor are coming over.
Expect that John will be preparing and serving his best lemon drop martini within the hour.

Love, Kathy

Monday, March 19, 2018

Back To Baiscs..

This past winter John and I took a ski trip with another couple. Like us they were in the lifestyle.
They were a bit younger, better skiers, but they were like us. It is difficult to explain how refreshing it felt to be with another couple where by we did not need to sensor conversation, where there was no pressure to hide who we are. For that reason being with this couple was almost like being with Becky and her husband. The other couple was much newer in the lifestyle than John and I. And, like most new devotees to a social construct were avid practitioners. In the restaurants this lady ordered for her husband, allowed him no more than one glass of wine with dinner, and bound him to be silence whenever she and I were talking. Was that really the way I use to be with John, I wondered.

Over the last several years John and I have gotten away from most formal aspects of femdom living. Yes, he still cleans the house, vacuums, and responds like the perfect male submissive when called. On the other hand he is allowed to speak as he likes. It has been some time since I have ordered for him in a restaurant, and  he only wears his collar when in the mood. What surprised me was how quickly John slipped to his old ways when placed under the shadow of the other husband. As the week went on I began to realize that we were lousing some of the discipline that causes our style of life to be special. And yes, men like my John need the type of structure this other couple took for granted. Was I doing my best for John? Was I giving him the type of structure he needed.  More importantly by slacking off as a mistress was I giving my marriage all of the attention it deserved?

While packing our bags for the return trip I made the statement that we would check in all of the luggage. While not exacting arguing with me John perked up that he could carry a couple of the suitcases. While trying to be helpful the fact is that John was challenging my judgment. As we were along in the hotel room I instantly put him into Command Position with a snap of my fingers plus an angry look. It was at that moment I understood the lack of firmness in our relationship was starting to cause a problem. Back home I shared this story with Becky who has emerged as more of a disciplinarian. Yes mom, you need to go back to basics was her response.

As I have stated in previous post Becky has become more of the teacher. Three children plus an active career keeps her focused on what is important in her life. She understands her father's need for female authority and has come to believe that women are the best managers. David, her husband, does as told, when he is told, and how he is told. She recommended a book by Key Barrett entitled Submit, Serve, and Surrender.

 John and I read the book together. We read much of it out loud as the author recommends. It is not a total guide to the femdom experience, but a kind of tool kit where by a wife can pick out what is important to her. It is my hope that most of you read it so that we can talk about it on the blog.

Love, Kathy

Friday, March 16, 2018

Back To Baiscs.

Where John and I live we have a few weeks of beautiful spring weather followed by a long hot summer. Everyone in our neighborhood tries to make the best of the beautiful weather by having cocktails on their patios, or simply being outside. Yesterday was one of those beautiful afternoons.
John's chores were done for the day. 'Would you mind if I read on the patio', he asked. 'No, of course not, I responded'. And, bring a glass of red wine, and I will sit with you. And, sweetie, you may have a glass if you like. John responded with a polite 'thank you mistress'.

When John brought the wine I was pleased that he delivered it with a slight curtsy. This little show of deference is in accordance with our household protocol, but as of late we have been getting away from things.  In the beginning of the blog I made the statement that if you expect a man to obey you in the big things of life, he needs to first obey in the small things. Remembering to curtsy when delivering a wine glass is a small thing, and in and of itself may not mean much, but it is an out ward expression of his respect for the lady in his life.

Is there anything else you would like-crackers and cheese- John asked. No baby, sit down.
As John moved to the chair I could see the E-reader poking out of the pocket of his shorts. 'What are you reading', I asked, 'show me the cover'.  I could see the look of embarrassment on his face. 'Is it one of those nasty femdom books', I asked. The cover had the image of an attractive lady who actually wore a nice looking skirt. I was expecting something like a nude wrestler with a whip.
What is the book about, I asked. John fessed up that it was about a young lady who dominated her husband to the extent that he became her slave.

'It sounds like a fairly typical plot', I told John. Yes, maybe, John replied, but it is really well written.
'Were you given permission to buy that book,' I asked John. Yes, last month, and he reminded me of the 'when' permission was given. We don't allow pictures in the home or books that objectify women.
The lady on the cover of this book was attractive and tastefully dressed. On that basis it was hard for me to complain. John went on to say that I might enjoy reading it. About that point I changed the conversation.

'What did you think of yesterday's posting,' I asked John. It was very good John replied. Of course John almost always thinks the posting are wonderful. 'Did all of the talk about the teenage years with Becky strike a chord with you?', I asked. 'A little' he replied, but I knew he was thinking about the post. 'You were an awfully good chauffer in those years' I remarked.' Why did you like driving Becky so much,' I asked.

With that 'why' question out of the box  John started to shut down. That was my queue to press the question harder. One of things I learned from Tara was that men give better, more complete answers when they are on their knees. It puts them in more of a submissive frame of mind she told me. So I said to John should I put you on your knees here now in the patio, or are you going to give me a straightforward answer to the question. Our patio is semi private, but if a neighbor happens to be looking out of a window she would see John on his knees in front of me. I knew the thought of being seeing in a comprising position by our neighbor would terrify him.

With that little push John began to answer the question. 'Well, once we were away from the house Becky became the boss'. She no longer asked me to take her here or there, she more or less told me. Sometimes her friends would ask if I could drive them wherever,  and she would answer them for me.
She was never rude, but she assumed that I would go where ever she told me or wait as long as she wanted. 'And did you', I asked. 'Yes', was John's response. 'So in effect you were Becky's submissive', I responded. 'Yes', John replied.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Back To Baiscs

As most of you know I have been struggling with the blog.

Most every day Becky reads the blog, looks at Facebook, and we talk. We talk about the blog, and we talk about what so and so is doing, and things like did you know so and so is pregnant again. Last night we talked for a quite a while. Mom, she said, 'I know that the 'me too' movement leaves you lost.' Becky went on to say don't worry about the movement, and don't be concerned that social changes are passing you by'. Then Becky went on to say that the postings back in the fall months were the very best part of the blog.

After a brief pause Becky went on to say that the postings last fall were so good because they were down to earth, from the heart, and gave the readers a simple but genuine look into the family. She then made the comment that some of those posting stopped to make her think about things. As I recall is was in 'conversations' that we talked about the way John drove Becky and her friends around. Mom,  'I guess it is now safe to tell you about this', I heard her say. 'What?, I responded. 'Whenever I needed a ride or wanted daddy to do something he would ask if it was ok with you',  Becky responded with a little giggle. 'What is so funny about that", I inquired. 'Well pretty often I would just tell daddy that we talked when we really didn't'.

For a brief moment Becky's comment left me speechless. You mean you were lying to daddy I responded. Well, a little bit, but not really Becky responded. For the most part I knew that what I wanted Daddy to do would be fine with you. 'There were one or two times when maybe I wasn't sure, but mom you always said that we think alike so really what was the point in asking you.' I wasn't really angry, but for a moment made a pretense at being a little upset. Then Becky came out with the line that  made me laugh. 'Mom, think about it this way -as a mistress I was just a little ahead of my time.'

We went on to talk about those early teenage years for a few more minutes. I don't know if you ever caught it, but daddy always enjoyed doing things for me and my friends. It wasn't like we made him. It was more like he was a ready volunteer that needed to be asked. Most of the time we would have daddy drive us to the hangout where the boys were, and he would wait in the car. Most of the time we wouldn't be more that thirty or forty minutes and daddy would usually have a book with him.
That was something I didn't know, I confessed to Becky. Once though we were in the shop for over an hour hoping that this one certain cute boy would show up. Did he ever show up, I asked. I don't remember Becky said, but my friends were impressed that daddy waited that long.

As we got deeper into that part of the conversation I couldn't help but ask Becky if she understood back then that her father was submissive. Not exactly, she replied, but she was aware of having a certain type of power over him. She was aware that he wouldn't do the things for her brother and his friends in the same way. If a car ride wasn't convenient she would hear John tell her brother he couldn't take him. He would never tell her no. He would never tell her that it was too late to wait for her and her friends to go to the ice cream parlor after the dance. And, looking back on it she learned the value of thanking John with a smile and a little kiss. In her own way Becky taught her father obedience along with the power of female charm. You might say she conditioned him. These are lessons that John learned well. In Becky he had a really great teacher.

Love,  Kathy

Monday, March 12, 2018

Thoughts On A Monday Morning.

Just wanted to add a comment to the morning post.

Becky gave me a call after reading the post. She said you have most of this post as is should be, but you need to emphasize the fact that there is growing resentment from the men. The manager of the unit is female. She was promoted to that positon last year. She was promoted over a couple of the guys who had been with the company for a longer amount of time. While the company believes in equal opportunity, the men will sometimes say that some employees are more equal then others.

And, Becky also corrected me on my interpretation of lunch. Yes, she said, we sometimes have lunch together, but that is not as common as you make it sound. And, most employees are convinced that if two or more candidates are more or less equally qualified for a promotion it will be given to the female. There is some in fighting among the women. But, no more than in most companies she believes.

The final correction is that the men have become more gentlemanly with the women. They are more courteous, more respectful, and more polite. As in the prior post many of the man are trying to get comfortable with the social changes. This is especially true because the men believe any on of the female employees may become their next supervisor. In another department a woman was promoted over her boy friend. When the company learned of the relationship they asked the young man to resign or take a demotion to another part of the company.

With every social change there are adjustments. The next few years should be interesting.

Love, Kathy

My Thoughts On A Lovely Monday Morning

Thank all of you for the recent comments.

It has been some time since my last posting. For some reason I have just not been into the blog.
I am not quite sure the why of it. Part of the reason is the realization that the 'me too' movement, and the rapid social change associated with it have passed me by. In today's world blogging about social change should be done by younger women who are active in the work force. It is these younger women who are changing society in ways that women of my generation can only wonder about.

The recent comment by Richard s caused me to smile. In the comment Richard says that he began to tell others that he is a submissive husband and that his wife is his mistress. And, as he reports the reaction of people has been positive. In much the same way John has become more open about our relationship. This started with his retirement last year, and has been building up ever since. Even the friend he plays golf with most often now know that he is submissive. The reaction has been positive, even encouraging.

The conversation on the golf course started with an innocent question. John and his friend normally play twice a week. Others are usually included, but John and this one friend almost always play together. It seems that the club had scheduled a special tournament. John's friend asked if he would like to play in it. John's response was that he would need to ask my permission as he was generally allowed to play only twice a week. That remark kind of let the cat out of the bag. When his friend didn't laugh or criticize, John went to say that I was both his wife and his mistress. John's friend immediately understood the meaning of the mistress word, and gave John a reassuring response.

John's friend went on to say that he understood, and between them wished that his wife was more of a mistress. Before John could think of a response his friend indicated he had read several books on female led marriages. And, in a minute or two they were talking together about books they have read on the subject The conversation was something of a spiritual release for both men. As John tells me they were not talking about sex. They were simply two older men talking about the ways in which men were dependent on the women in their lives. They talked about the idea of service and for a moment on two they touched on the concept of female authority in the home without really calling it that. The other gentlemen made a confession to John that totally surprised him. Way back, when they were married, his wife took a vow of obedience as it was what their church expected. He wished, however, that it had been the other  way around with him taking the vow instead of his wife.

There is often a matter of degree with some men being more submissive than others, but in a general way the need of men for female control is much more common than most people with assume. And, what I am now realizing is that this ever present need for female control as well as assurance extends to the work place. There is a need in society for transformative women. By this I mean women who have the desire, the power, and the intelligence to transform the work place into a more productive and  healthy environment.

In the 1980s and 1990s successful women in the work place had to learn to emulate male clothing, and to a large extent act like men. In today's work environment Becky tells me there is nothing wrong with dressing like a woman, and acting like a woman. In her place of employment female ways of doing things are respected. There is more collaboration between employees. Even the local manager gets her own coffee in the morning and fixes it the way she likes. There are no more secretaries, as such, doing their bosses bidding. To use an old fashion expression the bottom line is that femininity is both accepted and respected.

And, it you think this new kind of work force would be hostile to men you would be wrong. Becky tells me there are  men in their group. They are not excluded. Their ideas are welcome, she tells me. The women, who are mostly in charge, welcome the ideas that come from the guys. They want 'inclusion'. If anything, 'inclusion' has become the buzz word in their work groups. How do the men like working with women and for women I asked her. 'For the most part they seem to be fine with it', she responded. In her group there is more emphasis on the 'working with' than the 'working for' she tells me. In problem solving everyone's ideas are valued.

In the old days men and women would generally take their work breaks and lunches separately. Not any longer Becky tells me. Lunch is seen as a time not only  to relax, but also talk about work issues  in a more casual environment.. And, at the end of the day most people will stay and finish what they are doing before leaving the office. The prompt five o'clock exit is a thing of past she tells me. Coming form my background this is hard to believe, but the world is changing. In today's world there is more of a blend between  work and and individual's personal life. And yes, there are emails on weekends and on vacations. A negative Becky tells me is that even on vacation she is never truly away from her job.

The job, the career, or whatever you want to call it has become part of  Becky's identity as a person.
At the same time she thinks of herself as a mother, a wife, and as a mistress.

Love, Kathy