Tuesday, October 31, 2017

A Side Note.

Over the last year Becky has become more of the teacher while 'mom' has become more of the student. When John first came home from exile I was scared. There were nights John was put in the kennel simply so that I could cry. Working in the studio was one thing. Having john back at home was another. Could I become the mistress he wanted, the one that he needed. What were the things that needed to be done to keep our life from drifting back to vanilla. And finally could I be happy living as a mistress wife bearing responsibly for the success of our marriage.

Becoming a mistress wife was not something Becky ever wanted or asked for. Like me she is confident as a woman, but had no wish to control the behavior of her husband. Yes, when called upon she found the courage to rise to the occasion. And since then she has learned to like the role of mistress. 'Mom, you know I have always liked vanilla ice cream' she wants told me. 'You should try chocolate', I would tell her.  She always said 'no' she would stick with vanilla. This past summer she reminded me of those long ago conversations. 'You know mom, I have tried chocolate and have learned to like it'. This time of course she was talking about relationships rather than ice cream.

In the living room that night what impressed me was both her confidence and her compassion. 'Honey, come in here', was given as a command rather than as a request. It was then followed with two other quick directives-you are going to bed early and bring us another glass of wine. And, then there was her sense of compassion-you may read until 11AM if you are not sleepy. And, compassion for her father. She understood that her father would be embarrassed by being given a directive for an early bed time in front of her. 'Mom', she said 'you can tell daddy while I am in the shower'. In a sense thought she was also guiding me on the best way to handle what could have been a ticklish situation for both me and her daddy. Yes, Becky was telling me, the original mistress of the family what to do.

Love, Kathy

Monday, October 30, 2017

A Side Note

Once again thank all of you who have been kind enough to share.

Over the last couple of weeks I have started two or three postings that have simply going no where. When I started the notebook series there was a train of thought. Unfortunately, the train has going no where in the last few weeks.

The Notebook series is about Becky. Toward the end of our summer stay she asked if I had seen a certain movie. When I replied no she offered to rent it. That would be nice I told her. It was a chick flick. The kind of movie you watch with a girl friend. The kind of movie that makes guys want to immediately exit the theater.

It was a Saturday evening. 'We can watch it tonight', Becky told me. 'It would also give us the chance to stay up late and talk', she said. 'What will we do with the guys', I asked. Without a second thought 'send them to bed early' she replied. 'Isn't that what mistress wives are suppose to do when they want some time alone', she asked. 'Yes' I responded,' but it has been a long time since I've done that' I added. 'Tonight mom would be a good time for us talk, and you will love the movie'.

It was after dinner, the children had been put to bed, and the guys were finishing up in the kitchen.
'Honey, come in here for a moment', Becky called to David.  And yes, I was impressed with how fast David responded to the summons. You can always tell how well a guy is trained by the speed at which he comes when called. It may be a simple measure, but my guess is that it is a reasonably accurate measure of overall obedience. And yes, Becky rewarded David with a pretty smile.

'Ma'am' David spoke as he slightly bowed his head in front of Becky.' Bring mom and I another glass of wine, but tonight you are going to bed after pickup' she told him. In their home 'pick up' means cleaning up the kitchen, putting the garbage out, and straightening the living room. 'You may read until eleven' she told him 'but then it is lights out.' To say the least I was very impressed with the aplomb in which she handled David. She showed both confidence and grace. 'And mom, would you like David to send Daddy in for a moment. 'You can tell him while I take a shower' she said.
She understood that being sent to be early in front of his daughter might be injurious to her daddy's sense of pride.

And yes, we watched the movie, and we talked until late. It was one of those wonderful mother daughter experiences that are so difficult to find time for.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Notebook.....

Anyone who has read the recent post will think that punishment sessions are a major part of any femdom relationship. For some couples this may be true. Yet, for John and I punishment sessions are very rare. The simple truth is that John is a very sweet, loving man who consistently tries his best to please me. It is difficult for me to recall the last time, if ever, he willingly disobeyed me. We have had a few cases of 'talking back". We have had times when he has been 'pouty', and the surest way to correct that type of behavior is corner time combined with a lecture and loss of privileges. Taking away a sporting match on the television, or something like a golf outing will usually adjust his attitude. Becky has learned to do the same with David, and she is quick to take away his weekly allowance when necessary. One of the ideas I have stressed to her is that financial control is an essential ingredient to a successful femdom marriage.

One of the things that really surprised her was my description of many of the men who came into the studio. For the most part they were sweet men who needed something that they couldn't get at home.
Either the wives said no, or in most cases they were afraid to ask. Most of the men who came into the studio were not BDSM types into leather and whips or things like that. They were the ordinary men you meet on the street. The men could have been you banker, your doctor, or delivery person. In the studio the men came from all walks of life, but to afford the studio most of them needed to have a wll paying job. There were men who came into the studio who just wanted to kneel at a woman's feet while confessing their inner need to submit. While, I thought, these men are telling me secrets that even their wives don't know. It didn't take long for me to develop a certain empathy for them. They were submissive, they needed a fruit that was forbidden to them by society. Yet, they were sweet men. They would not harm a soul. As Tara first said to me they are not ax murders.

Over a short amount of time I came to enjoy the company of the studio clients. And yes, I know that Tara spoon fed me the softer ones-the ones who were most like my baby. Why don't you ask your wife, I would say. The response was usually she would not understand. Sometimes thought the response was she wants nothing to do with femdom. Yet, there were these other women who came to the studio with their husbands. They came to watch, learn, and participate in the development of their husband's submissive personality. Under Tara's tutelage these women were formed into a little group. It is so important to have a friend in the lifestyle. In the beginning I told my daughter not to make this journey alone. Whatever you do, I told her, find a friend to make the journey with you.

As most of you know I was invited to join this special group of women. It was these women who gave me the courage to apply what had been learned in the studio to my home situation. In those days we met once a week, we talked on the phone almost every day. They became some of my best friends. We shared one another secrets, we laughed together, and there were times when we cried together. What we had in common was a willingness to use femdom as a way of improving our marriages. I dare say that none of us were what is referred to as natural dominants.

Over time, and over many conversations, Becky learned to over come her fears. Like me she never came to understand the why of femdom. She, however, came to realization that it is real. And, like the women in the group had to face the challenge of living with a man who had found the courage to have the talk with her.

Love you all for reading. Love you for sharing.


Saturday, October 7, 2017

The Notebook....

Just as many of you enjoy reading the blog, I have come to enjoy the comments. In a way it is the comments that complete the blog-your reaction whether in agreement or not means a great deal to me. From what I can gather most of you are indeed happier, more content with life when your significant other is in charge. And, most of you seem to appreciate female discipline as well as punishment when it is necessary. In that regard there was only one comment to the negative. One gentlemen said something to the effect that he would never tolerate a woman who spanked him. There are no right or wrong answers only individual feelings. We are all different, but the majority of the readers of this blog want to be in a relationship with a woman who is not afraid to let her guy know who is the boss.

The thing about femdom is that few men are willing to acknowledge their need for it. Men may talk to other men about  sexual conquest, but very seldom admit to wanting a spanking from a mistress wife. As a society we may sometimes think in terms of the 'surrendered wife', but never in terms of the 'surrendered husband'. To a large degree the idea of the surrendered wife is sill socially acceptable, but never the surrendered husband. The idea that a husband should obey his wife is still against the perceived natural order of things. Yet, when we ask why this is so there are no really good answers. In reality there is simply no good reason why a wife should not be in charge of her man.

In this blog I am taking the idea of feminine control one step further. What I am saying is that it is a wife's duty when faced with the issue of a submissive husband to take charge of the relationship.
The embryo of this concept may have been mine. It was Becky, however, who accepted the idea, developed it, and then ran with it. Becky, like me, is not a naturally dominant person. Most women are not. The idea other behind much of this blog is that becoming a mistress wife is not about natural dominance. Becoming a mistress wife is a 'learned' experience. What is needed more than anything else is an open mind as well as a willingness to try new ideas.

When Becky and I first stated talking about the changes in our marriage she was more than just a little bit upset. 'Mom',  I heard, 'how could daddy have done those things'. Then I heard questions like did you really have a job where you put men on leash's. 'Yes, and sometimes walked them around the quarter', I replied. And, there were men who were made to lick my shoes clean, I told her. Confessions are not always easy, but they are good for the soul.  As we gradually talked through what had happened Becky developed  a kind of general understanding of why her parents had changed

Understanding was one thing. Acceptance was another.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Notebook...

In some ways it is easier to talk about Becky's marriage than my own. The relationship she has with David is so dynamic. They are only a few years into a FLM and things continue to develop between them. This is not to say that John and I are completely 'over the hill', but is some ways we are plateauing. Prior to accepting the femdom lifestyle both of us had a tutorial in the form of a real life dominatrix experience.

As a houseboy in Tara's studio John lived the life of a slave. He worked in Tara's studio for free. He painted for her, he cleaned toilets, pulled weeds from her garden, moped floors and ironed clothes. Whatever she needed done he was there for her. If a mistress needed a car repair it was often his job to bring it to the garage and wait. It was real work, not play work. Once, when he didn't do a proper job of cleaning the toilet Tara pushed his head into the bowl and flushed. For me the question was why did he take this type of abuse. Why, I wondered with a strong, healthy well built man let this little women push him around. Why weren't there times when he could have resisted.

When that question was first presented to John there was no answer. 'Did you want to have your head pushed into the toilet', I once asked. The answer came slowly, but  there was eventually a negative.
There never was an answer to the most pressing question of all, why did you let her do those nasty things to you. It wasn't until much later that I began to understand the reason for John's powerlessness in the face of this women. By that time the answer was simple as it was right in front of me. In every way possible, except legally, John was a slave and she was his owner. Though physically weaker John  feared her. He not only respected her authority as his owner, but he feared displeasing her in any way. And, he feared her punishments. She had the power to banish him from the studio.

A more difficult question involved asking if  he had ever developed feelings for Tara. The lack of  a verbal answer told me more than I wanted to  know. It was a couple of years later that he acknowledged feeling for Tara as well as a young black lady who worked for her. On my work visits to the studio I became friends with this young lady. Never did I suspect; never did she tell me that John had spent days and nights in her apartment. She and her roommate, college students, treated John as their house boy. He served drinks at parties and did the clean up afterward. What I tell any woman who has a husband who travels for business is to make sure you know what type of business your guy is on.

For a long time I couldn't talk about these experiences. The hurt to too clear. The feeling were too raw. Now, looking on Becky and David in a loving relationship I understand what John and I have for so long missed. David maybe Becky's slave and people will find fault with this concept. However, he is the slave of the woman who loves him, and of the woman whom he loves. He is in everyway the perfect version of the surrendered husband. Can any of you not find romance in this? In my opinion this is femdom marriage the way God intended it.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The Notebook..

As he walked out of the room, Becky's words to me were 'sometimes I am too hard on him'.

The three of us had been up late that evening. It had been one of those days when parents earn their place in heaven. Finally the children had been bathed and put securely to bed for the night.
'In what way are you too hard on him', I asked Becky. 'You know, mom, we both work.' Then their was a silence as Becky slowly sipped on her drink. 'Yet, here it is after ten, and David is going to get my clothes ready for work tomorrow'. 'That is what submissive men love to do-that's what they live for' I replied. 'Sometimes yes', she replied, 'but David has had a hard day at work-why should he be these things for me".

At that moment I had no real answer for Becky's question. With the children in bed the three of us stayed up talking with the late night news blaring from the television. It was really more Becky and I doing the talking with David listening. A little earlier in the evening Becky asked if I would like an after dinner drink. 'Yes, a Bailey's would be good', I replied. 'David, get mom and I a Baileys-you may have one too'. What a thoughtful mistress, I thought. Like John, David is not allowed to drink any kind of alcohol unless he has  permission. She saved David the embarrassment of asking permission in front of his mother-in-law.

What I have found is that you can learn a great deal about a couple simply by listing to the way they interact. Becky's instruction to David for the Baileys was a command-a simple one-but a command. There was no please, no will you, or anything like that. The phraseology was very direct telling David what to do, and yet she said is with a sweet, feminine voice. It is my belief that women often fear taking control of their men leads to a kind of loss of femininity. From what I have seen this is not true. Being a mistress wife is all about being a woman and loving who you are as a person.
Becoming a mistress to a man is not about becoming some type of an odder who walks around with a whip acting like a monster from a Frankenstein movie.

What I can also see is that even after several years of marriage with three children David and Becky enjoy each others company. In the living room-unless there are guest-David generally relaxes on a pillow next to Becky's feet. I was very pleased that their usual routine was not disrupted because of my visit. And, what I noticed is that she will sometimes give him a little kiss on the back of his head, or rub the back of his neck with her fingers. Like my John, like most men, David loves the gentle touch of his wife's hands. And, when told to do something, he does it. He does it with a smile.
It is more than obvious that he is happy to be of service to his wife and mistress.

While I have said this many times on the blog it is worth repeating. What most women want is to be loved like a wife and respected like a mistress. Yes, Becky's after dinner drink was delivered with  a smile, but it also came with a slight bend of the knee.

Love, Kathy