Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Notebook...

In some ways it is easier to talk about Becky's marriage than my own. The relationship she has with David is so dynamic. They are only a few years into a FLM and things continue to develop between them. This is not to say that John and I are completely 'over the hill', but is some ways we are plateauing. Prior to accepting the femdom lifestyle both of us had a tutorial in the form of a real life dominatrix experience.

As a houseboy in Tara's studio John lived the life of a slave. He worked in Tara's studio for free. He painted for her, he cleaned toilets, pulled weeds from her garden, moped floors and ironed clothes. Whatever she needed done he was there for her. If a mistress needed a car repair it was often his job to bring it to the garage and wait. It was real work, not play work. Once, when he didn't do a proper job of cleaning the toilet Tara pushed his head into the bowl and flushed. For me the question was why did he take this type of abuse. Why, I wondered with a strong, healthy well built man let this little women push him around. Why weren't there times when he could have resisted.

When that question was first presented to John there was no answer. 'Did you want to have your head pushed into the toilet', I once asked. The answer came slowly, but  there was eventually a negative.
There never was an answer to the most pressing question of all, why did you let her do those nasty things to you. It wasn't until much later that I began to understand the reason for John's powerlessness in the face of this women. By that time the answer was simple as it was right in front of me. In every way possible, except legally, John was a slave and she was his owner. Though physically weaker John  feared her. He not only respected her authority as his owner, but he feared displeasing her in any way. And, he feared her punishments. She had the power to banish him from the studio.

A more difficult question involved asking if  he had ever developed feelings for Tara. The lack of  a verbal answer told me more than I wanted to  know. It was a couple of years later that he acknowledged feeling for Tara as well as a young black lady who worked for her. On my work visits to the studio I became friends with this young lady. Never did I suspect; never did she tell me that John had spent days and nights in her apartment. She and her roommate, college students, treated John as their house boy. He served drinks at parties and did the clean up afterward. What I tell any woman who has a husband who travels for business is to make sure you know what type of business your guy is on.

For a long time I couldn't talk about these experiences. The hurt to too clear. The feeling were too raw. Now, looking on Becky and David in a loving relationship I understand what John and I have for so long missed. David maybe Becky's slave and people will find fault with this concept. However, he is the slave of the woman who loves him, and of the woman whom he loves. He is in everyway the perfect version of the surrendered husband. Can any of you not find romance in this? In my opinion this is femdom marriage the way God intended it.


Love, Kathy



9 comments:

beta bob said...

Dear Kathy,
When I met my wife 28 years ago, it was love at first sight for me. She needed about a week to be sure that I was THE ONE. Since I met her, I have, to be sure, glanced at attractive women on the street, but never, ever have I had the slightest desire to stray from her side.
When I finally explained to her my interest in flr, she was kind and understanding but wanted nothing to do with one. She was happy to have me serve her, but she rejected any sort of dominant role. This went on for several years. I occasionally voiced my needs, and she usually suggested that I "find someone else" to fulfill my fantasies. But that was out of the question for me.
Eventually she has begun to embrace a dominant role, and I am grateful for that. It took her a long time to overcome her fear of using force.
Very tentatively, she has begun applying punishment spankings, using switches which I have gathered for her.
Most surprisingly for me is that very recently, she has discovered the thrill of erotic dominance, which has re-energized our sexual relationship.
Nothing has been so exciting for me in a very, very long time as submitting myself wholly to providing her with sexual gratification with no thought of my own.

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy
Thank you for posting. You make a difference in the lives of my Mistress/Wife and myself.
jj

Anonymous said...

Kathy:

Yes, I can not only see romance but definitely can feel and empathize with David and Becky’s loving relationship.

As I have written before I am in a mixed relationship….nye on 49+ years…..the wife vanilla me submissive. But for a few short months after we both retired the wife became the Head of the Household so to speak….24/7.

Those months were the happiest of my life. With the Wife in control, it allowed me to drop all the male defensive bs….the stoicism, the lack of emotion, the macho attitudes, flip remarks, etc., commonly necessary for a man to be accepted in public socially. What replaced those feelings was a very deep seated and intense emotional love for my wife…..something on the order of when we were courting now 50 years ago…..I started my day at her feet and admitting my eternal love and adoration for her……and as time wore on I became more and more in love with her once again: Love letters and poems several times a week and roses at least once a month, in addition to taking over the tedious household duties. She occupied my every thought just like when we first fell in love.

I cannot speak for the dominant partner in my relationship with my wife, but for me the emotional love that regenerated itself for my partner was what I believe we had been missing in our relationship for many years. The trust between a man and a woman that must be present in a D/s, especially FLR situation is such that I believe it truly fosters a deep love and appreciation for one another. Not sure if that is true for the female partner however.

The wife walked away from our FLR experiment after about 6 months….and I could tell she never felt totally comfortable with my renewed loving attention or in being in charge. Life goes on and our marriage is better than for most of our lives, but in the back of my mind I can’t help wondering if my wife truly loves me.

Steve

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,
It's a step above romantic and I don't even know what that word even exists. Mistress Becky should feel confident that it is when believes he deserves a break is when he gets the most joy from serving. If I was David I wouldn't want it any other way. Am I the only one jealous of the conversations he gets to hear during your visits? I don't mean the ones about flr I just mean your normal ones. I bet he has learned so much. I know I have from your blog. Thank you Mistress Kathy.

Ur Bobo

Wishful4 said...

Mistress Kathy,

Their relationship is above perfect. When two people know each other so well that they are able to love each other just the way they want and need to be loved, it is better than perfect. I also think it's normal for Ms Becky to have conflicting feelings from time to time, but she is loving David the way he wants to be loved and when that happens, it's magic. You can obviously see it and, in time, Ms Becky will realize it. Thanks for sharing with us.

I'm-Hers said...

Maintaining control, being strict, setting firm and distinct boundaries doesn't have to be synonymous with being mean. Far too many men go off and do what they want when left alone and too often many of those activities serve to drive a wedge between their marriage. Isn't femdom/FLM - the way you describe it, all about preventing that from happening? Isn't about keeping a couple's love relationship alive and thriving? Isn't it about allowing a woman to not avoid being oppressed while giving her husband the opportunity to express his love to her though his service? I see that as marriage the way God intended. Love reading your thoughts.

Kathy said...

For I'm Hers,

Thank you baby for sharing. Yes, of course, men often need boundaries set for them.
And, every woman has different ideas on what those boundaries should look like. And, if those boundaries are not enforced they become meaningless. The interesting point, which many women simply don't understand is that men generally want those boundaries set for them. They want to live happily and contentedly within those boundaries. Isn't that true with you and Katie?

While I always felt that you and Katie have a good marriage, I have also felt that it could be improved. You have a need for more firmness from her, more discipline.


And, at first I didn't notice the name on the email you sent to me.

Love you, Kathy

Anonymous said...

I think FLR's are the most romantic relationships of all! What could be more romantic than a marriage where the husband's every thought is wrapped up in bringing pleasure to his wife? I'm a man who's in such a marriage. I'm no pushover (especially in relation to other men), but I have worshipped women my whole life. Around my wife, I feel best and most fulfilled when I'm her worshipful puppy dog-with my whole being striving to please her and see her beautiful, satisfied smile. My wife is not outwardly dominant, and I don't act overly slavish toward her when we're in public. But I think anyone who took notice of my behavior toward her would recognize that I worship her and cater to her every whim. I'm actually proud when I do something for her that causes people to notice that she's in charge. I get excited just thinking about it. For me, worshiping my wife is the highest form of romance! PS. I'm a new visitor, but I LOVE your blog, Ms. Kathy. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Kathy said...

For anonymous

Thank you for the well thought out comment. yes, there is romance in femdom.
It centers a couple on each other. And I agree with you statement that worshiping is a form of romance.

Love, Kathy