This has been a different type of Christmas for John and I. We usually spend time with one or two of the children. This year they were both committed to the other family. Those of you who have married children understand exactly what I am saying. Either way we had a good Christmas with neighborhood parties and events at the golf club. The time away has given me an opportunity to catch up with emails. For a person who takes pride in returning emails I have been derelict as some of my unreturned emails go back for months.
Following the publication of 'Punishment, A quick Aide' there was an updated email from Tina.
For those of you who do not know she is the young lady who was the subject of the post. Parts of her email made me laugh. Other parts gave me a more profound understanding of her situation. Her email opened with the simple phrase to the effect that your readers must think I am a terrible bitch. What I came to realize is that to understand Tina you first need to understand her situation.
My first thought was that yes the readers may think you are indeed a bitch. Aftercall, any wife who punishes a husband in front of a friend must have something of a cruel streak in her. Tina explained that her girlfriend was in fact her best friend in college. Before marriage they had been suite mates.
As suites mates in college they were routinely accustomed to sharing information about the guys they dated. Speaking as a former college girl I can tell you that this is not unusual in any way shape or form. She had already shared the story about her husband, then boyfriend, being on the submissive side. In some ways this may seem strange, but from what I can gather she considered it kind of a sweet spot rather than a criticism.
Over the past year Tina's friend had been over to the apartment on numerous occasions. On a couple of those occasions she had allowed the husband to fix and serve dinner. The way Tina described it there was nothing much kinky about it. The husband enjoyed serving, and they enjoyed bossing him around in a light hearted manner. Sometimes they would go out to a local club leaving the husband at home. It was not to be kinky, it was more that he had a 'ton' of studying to do as he was in law school.
They would Uber to the club, and call him for a pick up. If he wasn't to busy they would have a night cap together, and to tease him would talk about the guys that asked them to dance. The point of what she was trying to tell me, I think, is that the friend was already aware of the nuances of their relationship.
On the particular day Tina tells me that she was aware of traffic issues on the expressway. She was not so much trying to order him which way to go as much as she was trying to give him advice. Instead, he took a chauvinistic attitude that he knew best, and this is what seemed to cause her discomfort with the situation. The fact that he took this attitude in front of her friend added to the hostilities of the moment. Arriving at the theater she felt that this was not a situation to simply ignore.
They had been playing femdom games. She remembered a statement I had made in an email that a well disciplined man will willingly wait both on you and for you.
The words that Tina used in her email were simply that she seized the moment. It would do him good, she thought, to be punished for being disrespectful to her. Her girl friend from the dorm might be a little surprised, but it was not the end of the world she told me. Once again the girlfriend had been involved in some of their femdom games. As I read this part of her email the thought occurred to me was what is so wrong if anything with having a sweet submissive husband serve dinner to you and a friend.
The interesting part of the experiment was not so much the punishment, but the husband's response to it. He couldn't believe she told me that I really had the balls to punish him. Yes, he was embarrassed she told me, but it was also like something he had been waiting for. In the restaurant and on the way back to the apartment she gave her husband the command of silence. In the past this command had been a part of some of their play sessions. The difference was that this time it was not play.
The email exchange with Tina went back and forth several times. From the first email I remembered that the husband was locked. My question to Tina was would he had accepted her punishment if not for the fact that there was a chastity device placed around his private parts. She wasn't really sure she told me, but her feeling was that having her guy locked made it easier for him to accept punishment.
My other question to her was would you have really kept him locked for a month if he had disobeyed your commend. That response was an unquestioned yes.
Love Kathy
Wednesday, December 26, 2018
Sunday, December 23, 2018
Punishment, A Quick Aside
In the last posting the comment was made that some of the best punishments are the simplest. In that regard I would like to share a story with you about a young woman who has been reading the blog for about a year. We have emailed back and forth on a few occasions and I have gotten to know her basic situation. She and her husband are both college students living in married housing at a private university. If I read her emails correctly she is an undergraduate. Her husband is in law school. They are in what I call the experimental age. They are young, newly married, and away from the traditional restraints of family and long term friends.
Shortly before being married last year the husband came to her with a request to have something of a female led relationship. According to what she told me, 'he liked the idea of her being in control'.
The concept of her being in control was never something she ever wanted, but she was open to experimentation. In the beginning he described himself as something of a service submissive. He liked to do house hold cleaning and laundry and generally take care of things for her. The caveat was that he needed to do things at her command. In the emails she told me that she was fine with the concept. She had no problem with him cleaning the toilets and changing the bed sheets if that was what a femdom relationship was all about.
After a few months of married life he asked if she would collar him. He also asked if she would lead him through the apartment on a leash. In her words that was too wacky for her and she said no.
They did get into some femdom games, and he developed the custom of calling her mistress.
She emphasized it was all about fun and she did not take the idea of being her husband's mistress
seriously. In fact she tells me that she kind of giggled every time he called her mistress.
One part of the femdom experience she did enjoy was having her husband pick up and wash the dinner dishes. According to he emails they would sit and talk at the table until she gave him the command to pick up. He usually responded with a yes mistress type remark. She enjoyed the luxury of relaxing while he spent the ten or fifteen minutes necessary to pick up and make lunches for the next day. In a sense it gave her the feeling of what it was to be a real mistress, and there was a part of her that liked it.
A part of their femdom games involved punishment. In the beginning the so called punishment was nothing more than play. It often involved one of those play floggers that is good for show, but doesn't hurt. One a couple of occasions she wrote to me for ideas. I recommended corner time which can be a real punishment if you keep the guy on his knees long enough. I also recommended the idea of sending him to the store with a ribbon in his hair. Once or twice she went in the store after him, but pretended she didn't know who he was. It was fun to laugh at him while watching other people's reactions. At one time he asked if he could wear some of her underwear. Her things were really too small. So, for his birthday present she took him to the plus size store to buy panties for him.
That turned out better than she expected as the young sales girl was very accommodating.
On several occasions he made a request to wear a chastity appliance with her as his key holder. At the time she told me that the request 'kind of' scared her. He gave her some books and mentioned a few web sites that might help her learn more about these devices. It took her a while to understand, and even then she told me that she just went along with him as the entire concept of femdom and chastity seemed so strange. They ended up buying a device on line. She told me that it actually gave her a good feeling to know that her husband was locked and that she held the key. She mainly locked him on weekends for play. To more or less sum up her comments she told me that her husband was much more attentive while wearing device so she tended to have him wear it all weekend. She also learned to link release with his grades in law school as a way of motivating him to study harder.
Yesterday evening I received a really cute email from this young lady. Along with a girlfriend she and her husband decided to attend a movie last Saturday afternoon. On the way to the movie she instructed him on which route to take. On his own the husband decided to take another route and got the three of them stuck in heavy traffic on the expressway. When they finally arrived at the theater, she tells me, she calmly instructed her husband to hand over his wallet, along with the keys to the car. For not following instructions she told the husband that he would not be attending the movie with them, but would instead remain waiting on the outside of the theater. The look on the husband's face was incredible she told me. As was more or less usual for a Saturday he was wearing the chastity appliance. She then added that unless he wanted to stay locked for the for the next month he had better be there waiting there as they exited the theater.
This lady went on to tell me that he is the one who wanted a femdom type arrangement. On that day he got he got a taste of what real femdom was all about she told me. Her girlfriend thought it was a 'hoot', and they laughed about it for the rest of the afternoon while teasing him about what a good movie it was. She was not sure which part of the punishment was the most effective, the boredom of waiting, or the humiliation in front of her girlfriend.
After the movie the two girls decided to go for a drink and snacks. 'Would you like to come in with us', she asked the husband. 'Yes', he replied. She said something to the effect that she hadn't heard an apology from him. 'I'm sorry' he replied. "I'm Sorry who", she made a point of answering in front of her friend. "I'm sorry, Mistress." he nervously answered with a bow of his head. From what she tells me the girlfriend was more than a little surprised by the exchange, and they latter shared a giggle at the husband's expense.
In the restaurant she couldn't help but talk about the experience with her girlfriend. 'He really wants you to boss him around', the girlfriend asked on several occasions. Her feeling was that in a strange sought of way her husband was really enjoying the humiliation of being totally outed in front of this friend. Once, when he started to speak, she showed him the key and told him to be quite while the women were talking. 'Yes mistress', he responded. She even took the step of ordering for him. My interpretation of the experience was that it put the husband into a deep state of 'sub space' where by he was totally under his wife's authority. On that Saturday afternoon this couple was not playing at femdom as she was really the one who was in control. She had the courage to use her female authority in a way that taught her husband a useful lesson about obedience. She pressed the envelope in a way that her husband never expected.
Can any of you relate to this experience?
Love you all for reading.
Kathy
Shortly before being married last year the husband came to her with a request to have something of a female led relationship. According to what she told me, 'he liked the idea of her being in control'.
The concept of her being in control was never something she ever wanted, but she was open to experimentation. In the beginning he described himself as something of a service submissive. He liked to do house hold cleaning and laundry and generally take care of things for her. The caveat was that he needed to do things at her command. In the emails she told me that she was fine with the concept. She had no problem with him cleaning the toilets and changing the bed sheets if that was what a femdom relationship was all about.
After a few months of married life he asked if she would collar him. He also asked if she would lead him through the apartment on a leash. In her words that was too wacky for her and she said no.
They did get into some femdom games, and he developed the custom of calling her mistress.
She emphasized it was all about fun and she did not take the idea of being her husband's mistress
seriously. In fact she tells me that she kind of giggled every time he called her mistress.
One part of the femdom experience she did enjoy was having her husband pick up and wash the dinner dishes. According to he emails they would sit and talk at the table until she gave him the command to pick up. He usually responded with a yes mistress type remark. She enjoyed the luxury of relaxing while he spent the ten or fifteen minutes necessary to pick up and make lunches for the next day. In a sense it gave her the feeling of what it was to be a real mistress, and there was a part of her that liked it.
A part of their femdom games involved punishment. In the beginning the so called punishment was nothing more than play. It often involved one of those play floggers that is good for show, but doesn't hurt. One a couple of occasions she wrote to me for ideas. I recommended corner time which can be a real punishment if you keep the guy on his knees long enough. I also recommended the idea of sending him to the store with a ribbon in his hair. Once or twice she went in the store after him, but pretended she didn't know who he was. It was fun to laugh at him while watching other people's reactions. At one time he asked if he could wear some of her underwear. Her things were really too small. So, for his birthday present she took him to the plus size store to buy panties for him.
That turned out better than she expected as the young sales girl was very accommodating.
On several occasions he made a request to wear a chastity appliance with her as his key holder. At the time she told me that the request 'kind of' scared her. He gave her some books and mentioned a few web sites that might help her learn more about these devices. It took her a while to understand, and even then she told me that she just went along with him as the entire concept of femdom and chastity seemed so strange. They ended up buying a device on line. She told me that it actually gave her a good feeling to know that her husband was locked and that she held the key. She mainly locked him on weekends for play. To more or less sum up her comments she told me that her husband was much more attentive while wearing device so she tended to have him wear it all weekend. She also learned to link release with his grades in law school as a way of motivating him to study harder.
Yesterday evening I received a really cute email from this young lady. Along with a girlfriend she and her husband decided to attend a movie last Saturday afternoon. On the way to the movie she instructed him on which route to take. On his own the husband decided to take another route and got the three of them stuck in heavy traffic on the expressway. When they finally arrived at the theater, she tells me, she calmly instructed her husband to hand over his wallet, along with the keys to the car. For not following instructions she told the husband that he would not be attending the movie with them, but would instead remain waiting on the outside of the theater. The look on the husband's face was incredible she told me. As was more or less usual for a Saturday he was wearing the chastity appliance. She then added that unless he wanted to stay locked for the for the next month he had better be there waiting there as they exited the theater.
This lady went on to tell me that he is the one who wanted a femdom type arrangement. On that day he got he got a taste of what real femdom was all about she told me. Her girlfriend thought it was a 'hoot', and they laughed about it for the rest of the afternoon while teasing him about what a good movie it was. She was not sure which part of the punishment was the most effective, the boredom of waiting, or the humiliation in front of her girlfriend.
After the movie the two girls decided to go for a drink and snacks. 'Would you like to come in with us', she asked the husband. 'Yes', he replied. She said something to the effect that she hadn't heard an apology from him. 'I'm sorry' he replied. "I'm Sorry who", she made a point of answering in front of her friend. "I'm sorry, Mistress." he nervously answered with a bow of his head. From what she tells me the girlfriend was more than a little surprised by the exchange, and they latter shared a giggle at the husband's expense.
In the restaurant she couldn't help but talk about the experience with her girlfriend. 'He really wants you to boss him around', the girlfriend asked on several occasions. Her feeling was that in a strange sought of way her husband was really enjoying the humiliation of being totally outed in front of this friend. Once, when he started to speak, she showed him the key and told him to be quite while the women were talking. 'Yes mistress', he responded. She even took the step of ordering for him. My interpretation of the experience was that it put the husband into a deep state of 'sub space' where by he was totally under his wife's authority. On that Saturday afternoon this couple was not playing at femdom as she was really the one who was in control. She had the courage to use her female authority in a way that taught her husband a useful lesson about obedience. She pressed the envelope in a way that her husband never expected.
Can any of you relate to this experience?
Love you all for reading.
Kathy
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Punishment......
Well, I think we had some really great comments to the last posting.
Discipline is a difficult concept to explain, but when it is there you know it.
Just about all of you know my story. It began with Tara and the studio. This young lady preferred to work with couples. She loved the feeling of watching a wife learn the ways of being an effective mistress to her husband. She often commented that if more women learned to use their natural authority over their men the divorce rate would be much lower. Tara detested the dungeon word that is most commonly used by women in the trade. Her establishment was a studio or a place where artist and sculptors worked. She though of herself and her girls as artist. In spite of having a certain common core of needs, every client was unique. It was up to us to us to identify those special needs. She understood the courage it took for a man to open up to his wife about his need for female authority. She also understood the courage it took for a woman to accompany her man to the studio.
One of the good things Tara did was to form a small number of us into a group. At one time we would meet every month, talk about things, and sometimes cry on one another's shoulders. It was such a blessing to have friends in the lifestyle. On more than one of those monthly meeting we discussed the issue of punishment. On the day before one of the women had punished her husband with a spanking and corner time. One of the other women asked if the punishment was really for the husband's benefit or for her benefit. 'What do you mean', was the reply. 'Well, was the purpose of the punishment to make you feel better or him worse' was the answer. That got us into the issue of punishment and its purpose.
What we kind of decided was that the purpose of punishment was to make a man feel 'badly' for offending us in some way. It was easy for our group to identity ways in which our guys caused us to be become angry -talking back, disobedience, cheating, or simply lack of respect. What we agreed upon was that the method of punishment was not important. What was more important was the context in which the punishment was given. We had to be serious about it. Punishment was not about playing some type of femdom game. What we realized was that a simple punishment such as taking away a fishing trip or football game could be more beneficial than a spanking. In the right context a dose of humiliation could also be beneficial. Among us girls having a guy wear a ribbon in his hair could be funny and embarrassing for him, but it was not really punishment. Having him wear the same ribbon on the streets or in a public store could send a message. Likewise, having him wear the ribbon in front of another man -subject to cat calls and such could be a way of teaching your guy a lesson that he was likely to remember for along time.
One of the things we all learned from Tara was that if your husband wants you to be the boss than it was best to become the boss. What was important was to elevate the femdom experience from the level of a game to becoming a real mistress who expected obedience. In the that regard the purpose of punishment was to send a message that you are indeed the mistress and he is the one who has pledged to obey. A punishment as simple as replacing a football game with extra house work was generally more effective than a more elaborate punishment that was more like a game for him. We also learned that being a mistress to a man was nothing to be ashamed of. She taught us to take pride in who we were and what we had accomplished with our men. In her words women who punished were women of substance. And, she made the point that what submissive men most needed in their lives was a woman of substance who could take control of him. Punishment, she said was about love, not hate.
On an everyday basis I try to live my life as a woman of substance. We love, we kiss and we hold hands, but behind the affection is a reminder of who wears the pants in our relationship. As a mistress wife, a woman of substance, punishment is both a right and a duty. Punishment is part of the control process that makes our relationship work. It is like the oil in an engine that allows the parts to turn and rub together. And yes, it is part of the artistry that comes with managing the man whom I love.
Love you all for reading. Have a great Christmas.
Kathy
Discipline is a difficult concept to explain, but when it is there you know it.
Just about all of you know my story. It began with Tara and the studio. This young lady preferred to work with couples. She loved the feeling of watching a wife learn the ways of being an effective mistress to her husband. She often commented that if more women learned to use their natural authority over their men the divorce rate would be much lower. Tara detested the dungeon word that is most commonly used by women in the trade. Her establishment was a studio or a place where artist and sculptors worked. She though of herself and her girls as artist. In spite of having a certain common core of needs, every client was unique. It was up to us to us to identify those special needs. She understood the courage it took for a man to open up to his wife about his need for female authority. She also understood the courage it took for a woman to accompany her man to the studio.
One of the good things Tara did was to form a small number of us into a group. At one time we would meet every month, talk about things, and sometimes cry on one another's shoulders. It was such a blessing to have friends in the lifestyle. On more than one of those monthly meeting we discussed the issue of punishment. On the day before one of the women had punished her husband with a spanking and corner time. One of the other women asked if the punishment was really for the husband's benefit or for her benefit. 'What do you mean', was the reply. 'Well, was the purpose of the punishment to make you feel better or him worse' was the answer. That got us into the issue of punishment and its purpose.
What we kind of decided was that the purpose of punishment was to make a man feel 'badly' for offending us in some way. It was easy for our group to identity ways in which our guys caused us to be become angry -talking back, disobedience, cheating, or simply lack of respect. What we agreed upon was that the method of punishment was not important. What was more important was the context in which the punishment was given. We had to be serious about it. Punishment was not about playing some type of femdom game. What we realized was that a simple punishment such as taking away a fishing trip or football game could be more beneficial than a spanking. In the right context a dose of humiliation could also be beneficial. Among us girls having a guy wear a ribbon in his hair could be funny and embarrassing for him, but it was not really punishment. Having him wear the same ribbon on the streets or in a public store could send a message. Likewise, having him wear the ribbon in front of another man -subject to cat calls and such could be a way of teaching your guy a lesson that he was likely to remember for along time.
One of the things we all learned from Tara was that if your husband wants you to be the boss than it was best to become the boss. What was important was to elevate the femdom experience from the level of a game to becoming a real mistress who expected obedience. In the that regard the purpose of punishment was to send a message that you are indeed the mistress and he is the one who has pledged to obey. A punishment as simple as replacing a football game with extra house work was generally more effective than a more elaborate punishment that was more like a game for him. We also learned that being a mistress to a man was nothing to be ashamed of. She taught us to take pride in who we were and what we had accomplished with our men. In her words women who punished were women of substance. And, she made the point that what submissive men most needed in their lives was a woman of substance who could take control of him. Punishment, she said was about love, not hate.
On an everyday basis I try to live my life as a woman of substance. We love, we kiss and we hold hands, but behind the affection is a reminder of who wears the pants in our relationship. As a mistress wife, a woman of substance, punishment is both a right and a duty. Punishment is part of the control process that makes our relationship work. It is like the oil in an engine that allows the parts to turn and rub together. And yes, it is part of the artistry that comes with managing the man whom I love.
Love you all for reading. Have a great Christmas.
Kathy
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Punishment.....
As I am writing the words for this posting John is in Command Position in front of me.
A few minutes ago John delivered my first cup of coffee of the morning. Yes, his little curtsy was both polite and respectful as it should be, but it was also very sweet. Being a mistress wife is not about forcing a man to do things he doesn't want to do. It is about giving him the freedom and discipline to be the person he wants to be. As a woman I am fortunate to have such a sweet loving man as my husband. What doesn't always come out correctly in the blog is that he takes pleasure in serving me. John sees himself as a slave, my slave, and he loves the feeling of belonging to me.
What took me a long time to understand is that John has a natural need for female authority in his life. Thirty years ago I would never have thought that a grown man would have a need for female authority. The studio experience taught me that male need for feminine control is much more common than anyone would suspect. It is not universal, but it is real. As a society that is supposed to be liberally educated it is something that we seem to turn a blind eye to.
Training John to respond to the snap of my fingers by dropping into Command Position is a part of our family discipline program. A person not fariliar with submissv men who has not been initiated into the ways of the male personality might wonder how could a woman train a man in this fashion. Surely, the person would say that a healthy intelligent man in today's society could never be trained to perform this humiliating action. Yet, here is my husband who as an educated engineer with leadership experience desires nothing more than being the living chattel of a wife who takes total charge of him. The locked collar John wears around his neck is a pleasing reminder that he belongs to me. And yes, the collar is a pleasing reminder to both of us. John once told me that he feels naked without his collar.
The exercise this morning is part John's program of discipline. It is not punishment. As I hit the keys on the computer I glance at John to confirm his body remains perfectly still as is expected of him. As his wife I love him. As his mistress I take pride in fact that he is obedient and under my control. By this time my coffee is becoming colder. It is time to give him the command to 'kneel up' so that we can talk about the activities of the morning. There will be some chores. The house needs to be made ready for Christmas. Carol, our neighbor, has also asked if John might help her husband with moving some furniture. Yes, of course, I replied, what time would you like me to send him over I asked.
It may sound simple, but learning to 'direct' instead of 'asking' is kind of a challenge for most women.
Tara taught me that the simplest commands are often the best. John is now kneeling up. My touch on the cup's edge is my way of directing him for a refill. 'Yes Mistress' is his reply as he rises. In the kneeling up position he is allowed to speak without permission. A man who takes pride in his service is a treasure. My job is less about punishment than it is about giving John the structure he needs to be a contented submissive man living under the authority of his wife.
So tell me how many of you 'get' this posting? How many of you understand the feeling of wearing a collar? In many femdom families the function of the collar has been replaced by a chastity device.
And though John has never had the experience of being locked, an appliance would make an excellent Christmas gift. He is hopeful. How many of you are hoping to be locked for Christmas?
Love you for reading.
Kathy
.
A few minutes ago John delivered my first cup of coffee of the morning. Yes, his little curtsy was both polite and respectful as it should be, but it was also very sweet. Being a mistress wife is not about forcing a man to do things he doesn't want to do. It is about giving him the freedom and discipline to be the person he wants to be. As a woman I am fortunate to have such a sweet loving man as my husband. What doesn't always come out correctly in the blog is that he takes pleasure in serving me. John sees himself as a slave, my slave, and he loves the feeling of belonging to me.
What took me a long time to understand is that John has a natural need for female authority in his life. Thirty years ago I would never have thought that a grown man would have a need for female authority. The studio experience taught me that male need for feminine control is much more common than anyone would suspect. It is not universal, but it is real. As a society that is supposed to be liberally educated it is something that we seem to turn a blind eye to.
Training John to respond to the snap of my fingers by dropping into Command Position is a part of our family discipline program. A person not fariliar with submissv men who has not been initiated into the ways of the male personality might wonder how could a woman train a man in this fashion. Surely, the person would say that a healthy intelligent man in today's society could never be trained to perform this humiliating action. Yet, here is my husband who as an educated engineer with leadership experience desires nothing more than being the living chattel of a wife who takes total charge of him. The locked collar John wears around his neck is a pleasing reminder that he belongs to me. And yes, the collar is a pleasing reminder to both of us. John once told me that he feels naked without his collar.
The exercise this morning is part John's program of discipline. It is not punishment. As I hit the keys on the computer I glance at John to confirm his body remains perfectly still as is expected of him. As his wife I love him. As his mistress I take pride in fact that he is obedient and under my control. By this time my coffee is becoming colder. It is time to give him the command to 'kneel up' so that we can talk about the activities of the morning. There will be some chores. The house needs to be made ready for Christmas. Carol, our neighbor, has also asked if John might help her husband with moving some furniture. Yes, of course, I replied, what time would you like me to send him over I asked.
It may sound simple, but learning to 'direct' instead of 'asking' is kind of a challenge for most women.
Tara taught me that the simplest commands are often the best. John is now kneeling up. My touch on the cup's edge is my way of directing him for a refill. 'Yes Mistress' is his reply as he rises. In the kneeling up position he is allowed to speak without permission. A man who takes pride in his service is a treasure. My job is less about punishment than it is about giving John the structure he needs to be a contented submissive man living under the authority of his wife.
So tell me how many of you 'get' this posting? How many of you understand the feeling of wearing a collar? In many femdom families the function of the collar has been replaced by a chastity device.
And though John has never had the experience of being locked, an appliance would make an excellent Christmas gift. He is hopeful. How many of you are hoping to be locked for Christmas?
Love you for reading.
Kathy
.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Punishment....
It seems like I have been away from the blog for so long. John and I were out of town for Thanksgiving. This, however, was a special year. Our son, his wife and baby were able to join us for part of the weekend. And yes, once again I am a grandmother. Having the Thanksgiving celebration in Becky's home made it all the more special. And, in her home Becky is the boss. Each year Becky and her husband seem to grow closer together. Each year she seems to grow more confident both as a woman and as a mistress. We don't understand the why of it, but for some men having a mistress in their life is a requirement for happiness. David is one of these men.
It has been many months, Becky tells me since she has felt the need to spank David with the hair brush. What surprised me is that she made the comment in front of both him and John, and did so with a smile. For a moment I may have detected a slight blush on David's face, but he handled the remark extremely well. While Becky meant the remark as a compliment, statements such as this in front of another man can sometimes cause difficulty. With the remark I could see David's face glancing toward John in an effort to gage his reaction.
David has become a model of the new age male who takes pride in service/obedience to his wife. He understood Becky's comment as the compliment it was meant to be, but saying it in front of John was a mistake. When your man behaves well, or simply pleases you in some way there is noting wrong with complimenting him. Sometimes a compliment can be as simple as a little kiss on the cheek. Becky has developed the habit of giving David a love tap on his rear as a sign of her appreciation.
In some ways I believe the love tap is a better form of reward than a kiss as it is also a reminder as to wears the pants in the relationship.
When the children were growing up we enrolled them in various sports programs. Becky played volleyball and tennis. Our son was more into baseball and football. A part of what we wanted was for them to enjoy playing the game. Another important part of sports was learning discipline.
While the term was difficult to define we wanted them to understand the importance of rules and of protocols. We wanted them to understand the importance of being there on time, of trying their best, and being a part of something that was bigger than just the individual.
Just as baseball players accept the discipline that comes with being a member of the team, men need to accept the rules and protocols of the house. As I recall this was a must for clients of the studio.
For example men were never allowed to ever touch a female unless given permission. They were only allowed to speak when a woman asked a question or other wise gave them permission. In the home the rules may not be as severe as in the studio, but there are rules that govern male behavior in the home. In our home John is expected to perform a polite curtsy when brining my morning coffee.
When summoned with the call bell he is required to immediately stop what he is doing, and come to me. Anytime he sees dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter he is expected to pick them up. These are just small examples of the many rules that help to establish the framework of our lives.
Most of the rules and protocols of our home are fairly normal for a couple in our lifestyle. Some of the rules are clearly articulated, some are simply understood. It is these rules and protocols that form the basis for what I call discipline. By being taught these things john has become what I call a disciplined man. Like the baseball player who fails to follow the rules of the game John will be punished for a failure to follow the rules of his home. As his mistress it is my responsibility to insure that John understands the rules. It is my responsibility to train him to do things my way. As a side note many of you may remember what Key's book said on the issue of doing things her way. This is part of the process I call discipline.
The question than becomes when and how do we discipline. The when is that we do it every day.
Men have no idea how easy it is to discipline them. Most of the time they don't realize it is happening. Women have a type of natural authority over men. It is quite, it is subtle, but it is real.
Many men are effectively living in something of a female led marriage without even realizing it.
If you were to ask them the response would be that they are not in a female led or femdom marriage, but in reality the wife has trained them to obey and make her the center of their lives. If they were to ask the wife if she wanted a femdom marriage she would most probably answer in the negative.
However, in reality it is the wife that controls things, and the man lives to please her.
Having men respond to your voice, your smile, your touch is a part of what makes being a woman so very special.
Love you for reading,
Kathy
It has been many months, Becky tells me since she has felt the need to spank David with the hair brush. What surprised me is that she made the comment in front of both him and John, and did so with a smile. For a moment I may have detected a slight blush on David's face, but he handled the remark extremely well. While Becky meant the remark as a compliment, statements such as this in front of another man can sometimes cause difficulty. With the remark I could see David's face glancing toward John in an effort to gage his reaction.
David has become a model of the new age male who takes pride in service/obedience to his wife. He understood Becky's comment as the compliment it was meant to be, but saying it in front of John was a mistake. When your man behaves well, or simply pleases you in some way there is noting wrong with complimenting him. Sometimes a compliment can be as simple as a little kiss on the cheek. Becky has developed the habit of giving David a love tap on his rear as a sign of her appreciation.
In some ways I believe the love tap is a better form of reward than a kiss as it is also a reminder as to wears the pants in the relationship.
When the children were growing up we enrolled them in various sports programs. Becky played volleyball and tennis. Our son was more into baseball and football. A part of what we wanted was for them to enjoy playing the game. Another important part of sports was learning discipline.
While the term was difficult to define we wanted them to understand the importance of rules and of protocols. We wanted them to understand the importance of being there on time, of trying their best, and being a part of something that was bigger than just the individual.
Just as baseball players accept the discipline that comes with being a member of the team, men need to accept the rules and protocols of the house. As I recall this was a must for clients of the studio.
For example men were never allowed to ever touch a female unless given permission. They were only allowed to speak when a woman asked a question or other wise gave them permission. In the home the rules may not be as severe as in the studio, but there are rules that govern male behavior in the home. In our home John is expected to perform a polite curtsy when brining my morning coffee.
When summoned with the call bell he is required to immediately stop what he is doing, and come to me. Anytime he sees dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter he is expected to pick them up. These are just small examples of the many rules that help to establish the framework of our lives.
Most of the rules and protocols of our home are fairly normal for a couple in our lifestyle. Some of the rules are clearly articulated, some are simply understood. It is these rules and protocols that form the basis for what I call discipline. By being taught these things john has become what I call a disciplined man. Like the baseball player who fails to follow the rules of the game John will be punished for a failure to follow the rules of his home. As his mistress it is my responsibility to insure that John understands the rules. It is my responsibility to train him to do things my way. As a side note many of you may remember what Key's book said on the issue of doing things her way. This is part of the process I call discipline.
The question than becomes when and how do we discipline. The when is that we do it every day.
Men have no idea how easy it is to discipline them. Most of the time they don't realize it is happening. Women have a type of natural authority over men. It is quite, it is subtle, but it is real.
Many men are effectively living in something of a female led marriage without even realizing it.
If you were to ask them the response would be that they are not in a female led or femdom marriage, but in reality the wife has trained them to obey and make her the center of their lives. If they were to ask the wife if she wanted a femdom marriage she would most probably answer in the negative.
However, in reality it is the wife that controls things, and the man lives to please her.
Having men respond to your voice, your smile, your touch is a part of what makes being a woman so very special.
Love you for reading,
Kathy
Monday, November 12, 2018
Punishment...
O'gosh, once again the comments are predicating the direction of the blog. And, for me at least that is a good thing. As any one else, besides Joel, had the though that feminism is kind of a dog whistle for female supremacy?
In response to yesterday's posting Becky gave me a call. 'You know mom, when the guys hear the tap of her heels they immediately get back to working'. In that instance Becky was talking about David's female supervisor. Just like every office people have a tendency to talk, waste time, or play on the computer, but it is all business when they hear the sound of the lady boss coming their way. Becky went on to say that in retrospect the situation in David' s office is not really bad. He had a very good review with a decent pay raise. 'She' also told David that he had a good future with the company.
'She' was very pleased with David in that he did not show resentment to her promotion. In 'her' view it was still difficult being a female supervisor in a department with men. 'She' also understood that David might have a difficult time working in her department.
The other email was from a lady who has followed the blog for some time. This lady was commenting on Becky's situation. Yes, she said, feminism has a way of making certain things more difficult for us, but like the song says-look how much we're gained. We still look to our men to be protectors. Walking on a dark street I clutch John's hand for security. He is my man- my rock when the world becomes a scary place. Thank you Alex for reminding me of this. And, perhaps one of the reasons femdom is not more socially acceptable is the idea that we still think of men as protectors.
In the office David has learned to attach himself to the new boss. He sees her as a rising star in the company, and he hopes that she will bring him along with her. As time goes by we shell see what happens. It may be that David is one of several who are competing to be in her favor. What perhaps is different about the office situation is that David see the boss lady as his protector.
Since the topic of this series is punishment let me leave you with an idea. Working in the studio I learned a little about the topic from Tara. She taught me that effective punishment was about the entire experience. What I once told Becky is that it all starts with discipline. It is important for a man to understand the rules. It is equally important for him to understand that he will be held accountable for any infractions of the rules. In some femdom homes the women allow their husbands a voice in the making of the rules. In other homes the men are simply told. Either way a man needs to understand that the rules and protocols of the home apply to him. After giving David a rule or protocol Becky will ask David if he understands. She may also have him repeat the direction back to her.
The next phase of punishment is related to the action actually being taken. In most situations the context in which action is taken is more important than the action itself. In the studio Tara was a master at framing a punishment so that its effects would be magnified. Once I witnessed her giving a client a spanking. She had him naked bent over a bench in the most humiliating position imaginable. She knew he was divorced with an adult daughter. 'What would you daughter think if she saw you like this', she would ask him. With a few simple words she was able to change the context in which the punishment was given. She understood how to make the pain of the humiliation real for this man. She might even threaten to find the daughter or the wife and send them a picture of him in a tutu. She, of course, would never do it, but it made the studio experience more real.
As wives who sometimes punish their men we have a tendency to forget about after care. What we forget is that being punished by a wife is a deeply emotional experience for most men. In a sense punishment strips a man of the emotional attachment to the male ego. It more or less frees his psychic from many aspects of male toxicity. This freeing of the psychic allows the adult man to become the loving, obedient husband that both he and the mistress want him to be. In talks with Becky I have always stressed the importance of after care. In many ways after care is the most important part of the punishment. It is often the part of the punishment that will stay with a man after the sting of the whip is forgotten.
And yes, before going away, I want to say that in a femdom marriage punishment is the duty of the wife. And, for those of you who missed the above statement I will say it once again. In a femdom marriage punishment, when necessary, is a duty of the wife. And there is one more yes. In marriages with older daughters, such as Richard's, it is the responsibility of the wife to educate.
Love you all for reading.
Kathy
Since the topic of this series is punishment let me leave you with an idea. Working in the studio I learned a little about the topic from Tara. She taught me that effective punishment was about the entire experience. What I once told Becky is that it all starts with discipline. It is important for a man to understand the rules. It is equally important for him to understand that he will be held accountable for any infractions of the rules. In some femdom homes the women allow their husbands a voice in the making of the rules. In other homes the men are simply told. Either way a man needs to understand that the rules and protocols of the home apply to him. After giving David a rule or protocol Becky will ask David if he understands. She may also have him repeat the direction back to her.
The next phase of punishment is related to the action actually being taken. In most situations the context in which action is taken is more important than the action itself. In the studio Tara was a master at framing a punishment so that its effects would be magnified. Once I witnessed her giving a client a spanking. She had him naked bent over a bench in the most humiliating position imaginable. She knew he was divorced with an adult daughter. 'What would you daughter think if she saw you like this', she would ask him. With a few simple words she was able to change the context in which the punishment was given. She understood how to make the pain of the humiliation real for this man. She might even threaten to find the daughter or the wife and send them a picture of him in a tutu. She, of course, would never do it, but it made the studio experience more real.
As wives who sometimes punish their men we have a tendency to forget about after care. What we forget is that being punished by a wife is a deeply emotional experience for most men. In a sense punishment strips a man of the emotional attachment to the male ego. It more or less frees his psychic from many aspects of male toxicity. This freeing of the psychic allows the adult man to become the loving, obedient husband that both he and the mistress want him to be. In talks with Becky I have always stressed the importance of after care. In many ways after care is the most important part of the punishment. It is often the part of the punishment that will stay with a man after the sting of the whip is forgotten.
And yes, before going away, I want to say that in a femdom marriage punishment is the duty of the wife. And, for those of you who missed the above statement I will say it once again. In a femdom marriage punishment, when necessary, is a duty of the wife. And there is one more yes. In marriages with older daughters, such as Richard's, it is the responsibility of the wife to educate.
Love you all for reading.
Kathy
Sunday, November 11, 2018
Punishment..
While, thank all of your for the great comments.
Many of the best comments are those that force me to think about things. And lets face it, I don't have all the answers. As an older woman I lived most of my life in a different age. It is the young women of today who are taking over. It is these women who ten or fifteen years from now will be running things. From a societal prospective these women will most likely be running their homes, their businesses, as well as their countries.
There are several really good questions for us to talk about. One of the most relevant questions came from Sara. In a world that is increasing female orientated what will be the role of men. Both my son-in law and my son work for large national companies. From both of them I hear much of the same refrain. They tell me that most of the promotions are going to the women. Yes, they say, men can be promoted, but in order to receive that promotion they must work harder and longer than the women. Wherever it is possible or convenient to promote a woman companies are doing so.
Earlier this year much of what we are talking about hit home for my son in law. With the idea of increasing sales the division of the company he works for was reorganized. A young woman was put in charge of the reformed division as his immediate supervisor. This would not have been an issue with him except for the fact that 'she' is newer with the company and appears to have less experience. 'Does it bother him', I asked Becky?
Becky's response was that he doesn't mind working for a woman, but he resents the fact that 'she' received the promotion. From what I gathered they were both contenders for the job. Becky tells me that 'she' has been with the company less times, and has less product knowledge. The feeling from Becky was along the lines that her looks may have had something to do with the promotion.
According to David 'she' was also very good at making friends with the higher ups. In Becky's opinion the promotion had more to do with political correctness than anything else. In today's world it is becoming politically correct to extend a hand to any female with some leadership potential.
Of the two of them Becky was more upset than David. Up to a point promoting woman is fine she told me. However, when a company uses a gender version of affirmative action as part of their personnel policy it affects everyone in some ways. Becky reminded me how I was able to take several years off from work when the children were young. 'Mom, you know, I can't do that' she told me. 'My salary is not extra, it is what we live on', was her quote. David does more than Daddy did, but it would be nice to spend more time with the children while they are young. She would like to be there when they get off from school, and be the one to make their afternoons snacks. And, back then you had grandma there to help you, she reminded me. Now we live in different cities and you can't be there for me in the same way grandma was there for you.
The last part of Becky's comment had a bit of a sting to it. In today's world we all live in different places. I love the children, I love to visit with them. The fact is that living in different cities makes it impossible to be the same type of grandmother as my mother was to the children. In today's world we go to where the jobs are. It is my concern that one day Becky may need to accept a job in a city even further away than Atlanta. And, yes there are times when I would like to be the traditional grandmother who would always be available when a need arises.
Going fast forward a few months David is learning to adjust. He tells Becky there is a different culture in the office. People are expected to be there on time, and are expected to get their work done.
There is less playing around. There are no longer the dirty jokes. And, the women are treated with more respect. Likewise, the new female manager treats him with a certain respect he didn't always receive from the former boss. She listens to what he has to say, and gives him credit for his ideas. According to David she is more of a team leader, and has made David feel like he is an important member of the team. In trying to define her version of leadership he uses the word colligative a great deal.
Even though he was passed over for promotion he now understands the why of it. She may have had less product knowledge than the men, but she has a different way of working. She gets things done her way. Her way is more of a feminine way, but it gets results David says. And guess what, David tells me that even the men are happier under her leadership. If she allowed him he would love to be the guy who gets her coffee in the morning or picks up her lunch, but that is not what 'she' is about. 'She' expects results. In her office, David says, there is no room for partonomy.
At this moment I have no real answer for Sara's question. Yet, I believe a part of the answer is that the men will learn to adjust and to fit into a world that is increasing run by women. It may take a generation or so but it will happen. It is happening as we talk. The other part of the social equation is that it means new roles for women. We are all in a time of rapid change.
Love you for reading.
Kathy
Many of the best comments are those that force me to think about things. And lets face it, I don't have all the answers. As an older woman I lived most of my life in a different age. It is the young women of today who are taking over. It is these women who ten or fifteen years from now will be running things. From a societal prospective these women will most likely be running their homes, their businesses, as well as their countries.
There are several really good questions for us to talk about. One of the most relevant questions came from Sara. In a world that is increasing female orientated what will be the role of men. Both my son-in law and my son work for large national companies. From both of them I hear much of the same refrain. They tell me that most of the promotions are going to the women. Yes, they say, men can be promoted, but in order to receive that promotion they must work harder and longer than the women. Wherever it is possible or convenient to promote a woman companies are doing so.
Earlier this year much of what we are talking about hit home for my son in law. With the idea of increasing sales the division of the company he works for was reorganized. A young woman was put in charge of the reformed division as his immediate supervisor. This would not have been an issue with him except for the fact that 'she' is newer with the company and appears to have less experience. 'Does it bother him', I asked Becky?
Becky's response was that he doesn't mind working for a woman, but he resents the fact that 'she' received the promotion. From what I gathered they were both contenders for the job. Becky tells me that 'she' has been with the company less times, and has less product knowledge. The feeling from Becky was along the lines that her looks may have had something to do with the promotion.
According to David 'she' was also very good at making friends with the higher ups. In Becky's opinion the promotion had more to do with political correctness than anything else. In today's world it is becoming politically correct to extend a hand to any female with some leadership potential.
Of the two of them Becky was more upset than David. Up to a point promoting woman is fine she told me. However, when a company uses a gender version of affirmative action as part of their personnel policy it affects everyone in some ways. Becky reminded me how I was able to take several years off from work when the children were young. 'Mom, you know, I can't do that' she told me. 'My salary is not extra, it is what we live on', was her quote. David does more than Daddy did, but it would be nice to spend more time with the children while they are young. She would like to be there when they get off from school, and be the one to make their afternoons snacks. And, back then you had grandma there to help you, she reminded me. Now we live in different cities and you can't be there for me in the same way grandma was there for you.
The last part of Becky's comment had a bit of a sting to it. In today's world we all live in different places. I love the children, I love to visit with them. The fact is that living in different cities makes it impossible to be the same type of grandmother as my mother was to the children. In today's world we go to where the jobs are. It is my concern that one day Becky may need to accept a job in a city even further away than Atlanta. And, yes there are times when I would like to be the traditional grandmother who would always be available when a need arises.
Going fast forward a few months David is learning to adjust. He tells Becky there is a different culture in the office. People are expected to be there on time, and are expected to get their work done.
There is less playing around. There are no longer the dirty jokes. And, the women are treated with more respect. Likewise, the new female manager treats him with a certain respect he didn't always receive from the former boss. She listens to what he has to say, and gives him credit for his ideas. According to David she is more of a team leader, and has made David feel like he is an important member of the team. In trying to define her version of leadership he uses the word colligative a great deal.
Even though he was passed over for promotion he now understands the why of it. She may have had less product knowledge than the men, but she has a different way of working. She gets things done her way. Her way is more of a feminine way, but it gets results David says. And guess what, David tells me that even the men are happier under her leadership. If she allowed him he would love to be the guy who gets her coffee in the morning or picks up her lunch, but that is not what 'she' is about. 'She' expects results. In her office, David says, there is no room for partonomy.
At this moment I have no real answer for Sara's question. Yet, I believe a part of the answer is that the men will learn to adjust and to fit into a world that is increasing run by women. It may take a generation or so but it will happen. It is happening as we talk. The other part of the social equation is that it means new roles for women. We are all in a time of rapid change.
Love you for reading.
Kathy
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