When opening the blog this morning I was a little disappointed by the lack of comments.
The recent comments have all been very thoughtful. They, in my opinion are the kind of comments that should invite additional responses, yet they did not. One of the things I have learned is that men are extremely embarrassed to be slapped in the face by a woman. Why, I asked John, but there was no real answer. Once, several years ago John was given a little slap for drinking too much. That is when I made the decision to clamp down on out much he was allowed to drink when we ere at dinner or at parties. And, it works. He knows the limits. On occasion he will ask permission for another drink and sometimes it is given.
What I am curious about is how many of you have strict limits on what you can drink when out to dinner or at parties??
Kathy
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14 comments:
Hi Kathy
Yes I have hard limits on what ( red wine) and how much ( 2 glasses)It's a zero tolerance rule and I am severely punished if I disobey it. On face slapping I also wanted to make a comment. My wife has used it throughout our marriage and slapped me in public as well as in private. In public I guess I do feel embarrassment but in private it acts to make me immediately obedient and submissive rather than embarrassed. She usually does it if I am showing defiance or not cooperating with discipline. It just stuns me, stops whatever disrespectful behavior I am exhibiting and makes me want to obey her. It is very powerful
Stewart
Dear Ms. Kathy,
In total agreement with Stewart. A moderate amount of any alcohol is tolerated - IF she is drinking. If she doesn't start, neither do i.
As for slapping in public, if she gives me a hint or indication i could earn a slap then i condition my mind to accept the fact that i am about to be slapped. It should be hard and when laid on properly with her little finger just above or in line with my lower jawbone. If there is no warning, this may very well ignite a most inappropriate response because of my past experiences. Each person is different, of course; but for me, this is a powerful tool for my Mistress. In private, i am in total agreement with Stewart, i immediately revert to my position as submissive to her. Indeed, it is a very powerful tool and i do revel in the submissiveness and obedience to her that this action engenders in me.
Sincerely
larry
I agree totally to stewart.
In public there is a real problem for me: I would highly appreciate her courage to do it - but I would have also a problem of my public image of a self confident strong man.
Time to think about.
Peter
I was dating this wonderful woman, we enjoyed going out. I think it was maybe a couple of months of dating she mentioned that I best curtail how much I drink when we go out. I will never forget when I went to far, I was still in control but walking out she said she was sorry to the waitress for my behavior and she was going to address the problem at home. It was several months before we went out, had to be the last place we went, my luck the same waitress. My wife now, smiled and said he is better behaved. The waitress said that was good and asked what she did that night. I looked down, she smiled and said I gave him a sound spanking, bare bottom, and found that this works wonders, does it not honey, Yes Dear. The waitress took our orders and then said her boyfriend is in for a surprise when she gets home.
It’s a very good question Kathy. We can see that a strict loving Mistress can totally change a mans life in respect of booze . As a submissive husband I am responsible for being the sober driver when we are out. I am usually very responsible about this but sometimes when possibly I should not have had that one drink I face the consequences and often in public. My wife will not tolerate it. I’m not slapped but she has a not beyond grabbing my manly bits very tight and putting me on my knees. This is done in kitchens ect , not in sight of anyone but people certainly know something has happened. If my wonderful wife drinks too much as his her right then it is understood I protect her and her dignity. Thankfully she rarely does drink to make it an issue. DandSNZ
Dear Ms. Kathy,
Good morning Madame, I am writing for two reasons.
Firstly because of your comments "A Disappointing morning" - I am sure many people read and enjoy your blog, and like me are probably too lazy to leave a comment. I hope that I am correcting this now.
Secondly, with regards to alcohol. My SO (significant other) decided that I should stop drinking any alcohol. That was just over seventeen months ago now, and apart from one small glass of champagne, with permission, which came with a very nice meal at a high class restaurant, I have not drunk any alcohol since.
Which reminds me, my SO and I attended a Burns night supper, Cullen Skink (fish soup) to start, Haggis, Neaps and tatties for main course with cheesecake for desert if my memory serves me well. During the course of the evening, a complimentary wee dram of whiskey was served. My SO confided in me that she doesn't like whiskey. When the waiter arrived at our table, I obviously declined the offer, but my SO accepted hers, drank it, declared that she really liked it, and admonished me for declining mine, as she could have had it.
I often think about what I could have done differently to have acheived a better outcome.
PC
Yes, most definitely there are limits to my alcohol intake while out. She has made it clear, unless otherwise instructed, I can order 2 drinks max, and I am to follow her lead. By that I mean if she is drinking wine, I drink wine, if she has a cocktail I may have a cocktail. Many times she will tell me, "Only one tonight", or "You are not driving, so you may have a other". But she us directive for sure.
As for face slapping, she has never slapped my face, not sure she ever would. She will, and does, swat my backside in public. One good swat is an indication of what is to come later in private.
My best, Calibob
My wife and I don't have a FLR, but when we play with D/s, she will sometimes pour herself a glass of wine and deny me any. The sense of being restrained and tasting the wine on her kiss is tantalizing. When she leaves the room, I want more. . .of pretty much everything.
J
Dear Mistress Kathy,
Thank you for continuing the blog. The only time I was
slapped by a woman was in elementary school by the teacher.
I think this is ok in a FLR marriage. A good way to assert
the authority of the woman. As for drinking, I do not drink
at all.
A poet
Hello Kathy , I am glad you and your family are OK in this crazy time . I find the practice of face slapping in public to be much more about a woman establishing her place among other women rather than her dominance of men. Men feel and react to a woman of dominance but other women rarely see or understand her power and authority . I was casually dating a rather beautiful woman long before I truly understood femdom . I once made the mistake of disrespecting her in a public setting , without delay or emotion , she put put her finger in my face and said “ apologize “ I smiled and tried to make a joke of the whole thing but quickly found myself shocked as she lightly slapped my face , confused I tried to pass it off as play only to find that a harder slap followed . Now she had my attention but as I looked away to gauge everyone’s reaction ,a third and even harder slap followed . Very sobered and confused I apologized . The awkwardness faded and everything returned to normal .
As the days and years passed it seemed that the event established her place in the community and men still envy me for the time I spent with her . My point, this is a bold and public expression of her power and standing rather than a expression of his submission . Because It is public , it is real !
Take care
John Dalton
I think the reason people don't comment so often is because you left your blog a few years with just a sporadic post every few months
Mz Kathy,
I have been wrestling with how to respond to the question about face slapping. I have never personally been slapped in the face, but I have been hit accidentally in the face in the past, and I have a strong, negative emotional reaction to it. I realized when I read your post that I do have an emotional reaction to the idea of being slapped in the face. For me, a slap to the face would feel like a more personal attack than a punch in the arm or a swat on the butt. I think that I tend to interpret face slapping as demeaning, as a way of putting the target individual down. I recognize that not everyone might interpret it that way, but I do. My first response to the idea is to feel personally and emotionally attacked, not just physically. I think that I make that association in part because of my professional work with child abuse, and the role that face slapping can play in child abuse. I do not see it as an appropriate method of discipline for children, and similarly not for adults.
There is a contradiction in my own reactions, because I do not see spanking or other corporal punishment as an effective method of discipline for children above the age of 5 or 6, and I am leery of that discipline method for children because it is so often a method of abuse. But I am comfortable with spanking in a FLR or Femdom relationship. As I write this I am thinking it through, and I think that the difference between adults and children as the target of corporal punishment is the issue of consent. In adult relationships the corporal punishment is ultimately a method that the adult submissive understands (to some degree) and consents to. It is imposed involuntarily on children. I think that I would have a serious problem with my partner slapping me in the face if we had not discussed it and I had not consented to it first. But even then I think that I would have a different perception of face slapping than I do spanking. Maybe because face slapping is so often an immediate reaction that comes without warning or discussion, while spanking is usually implemented in a somewhat more considered way with some discussion involved.
I think that I would have a serious objection to bring slapped in the face in public just like I would object to being openly demeaned in public. That feels to me like an insult, and a public insult is even more hurtful than in private. I would not want my partner to insult me in private, let alone in public, nor would I want my partner to "out" me as submissive to her in front of people who might not understand that kind of relationship. I would have less objection if it was in front of people who knew about and understood our relationship, but I think that I would still feel insulted by it. I think that because of how I interpret and react to face slapping, I would have to make a significant shift in my views and feelings about it before it would work very well in our relationship.
Dear Ms Kathy,
My extremely naturally dominant (and slim and gorgeous) girlfriend, Millicent, slaps my face in public quite often, without hesitation, and makes it entirely clear that she is in charge in our relationship, although anyone who knows us would be in no doubt of that anyway. In fact she generally only does it in public, as it is just one of her methods of putting me publicly in my place when I have crossed a line.
Just one example is when we met in a London pub recently (pre-lockdown obviously) soon after I had let her down by not being able to join her the previous evening - she was not impressed by my lame excuse and without warning (as always) slapped me across the face hard enough to give me a shock but not hard enough to injure! The effect was (and is on other occasions) that I immediately rediscover how submissive I truly am to her and deeply apologize and feel ashamed. My feeling too when other people look over to see what’s going on is one of full acceptance that the slap was justified and real shame on my part, and my eyes switch from false confidence in her presence to looking at my feet mode. These occasions move me instantly into deep “subspace”.
Another time was at dinner in a high level restaurant with three of her friends, a guy and two girls, whom I had never met before. I was fiddling with my knife while we waited for food to come, and Millicent lent over from where she was sitting and slapped my hand hard - which successfully and instantly stopped me fiddling. There was a momentary silence around the table as the others waited to see how I might react, but on seeing that I simply looked down with embarrassment and stopped fiddling, everyone carried on as if nothing had happened.
The truth is that I adore her, and these public expressions of dominance fill a deep need in me. And they are trivial compared with how she treats me at home.
Bobbie
My name is William, I live in NYC. I’m in a Female led type of relationship that started off with me basically being used as a sex object. We then became Domme sub, then I was chucked for over a year and opened up to bisexuality with her.We have found our ounce path and are now in year 4 and opening the door to being married.She has always been in charge and on Top. It hasn’t just been sexual it’s also emotional and life based. For the last year and a half she’s been introducing me as her girlfriend.We are starting to negotiate about what my duties as her wife will be and what her role will be in my children’s lives
We have a stereotypical gender reverse relationship, where sometimes I Def wish she would be more forceful and slap me. It’s not sexual, nor is it any kind of physical turn on.. BUT.. it really does help me to come back home so to speak and I’m super great full when she does smack me
My biggest fears though in requesting this, is that on some level it might make her feel as if though she’s de humanizing me. She loves me very much and wants me to be her wife, and I can’t wait to say yes.. But in a strange way I feel like I’m not being heard, or that she doesn’t get it how much it does for me emotionally and physically to be disciplines.. It binds me and helps me to stay close..
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