What I would tell almost any woman who writes to me is that taking your guy for panty shopping is such a delightful experience that it shouldn't be missed. If you are overly embarrassed by taking direct part in this activity have your guy walk into the store separately. You can pretend that you don't know him, and still have delicious fun watching from a distance.
For my guy an experience such as panty shopping operates on many levels. There is the humiliation which he loves. From a practical prospective panty shopping is a way of pushing his boundaries. This is an activity he wants to perform, but on his own would never find the courage to do it. When an order from mistress make it a requirement he must find the courage. I was looking for the right words to describe the feeling when I received an email from a long time reader. Several years ago I gave him something of a simple learning experience in the form of an assignment. He described the result as both humiliating and as a rush.
The experience I gave this gentlemen was to write a few lines and to perform a version of corner time. In theory these actives could be done on his own so there should not have been any meaneful degree of humiliation. However, since the lines involved Becky, I showed her his work. Of course she laughed at the idea of a man she didn't know performing this punishment. From what I can gather this response sent him 'over the moon' as Thomas likes to say. The concept of a 'rush' combined with a feeling of humiliation is something women don't understand. In the right context it can be used as the basis of a training tool for some men. It is not punishment, but it has the effect of reminding your guy that you are the mistress and what you say goes. As a mistress wife what you expect is unquestioned obedience.
The little exchange with this gentlemen reminded me another conversation with Becky. Her relationship is younger, more fluid, and more complicated than mine. We were talking about practices and techniques of maintaining control. She said, 'You know mom what works best for me is being the person who defines David's activities'. 'Aside from work I control all of his time', she told me. From a practical prospective David no longer has any say about what he does, when he does what, or even about our social life. Last Saturday he happened to have a conversation with a neighbor. The gentlemen said to David we will see you tonight. Looking puzzled the man said we are scheduled to have dinner at such and such restaurant. When he relayed the conversation to me I realized that I had completely forgotten to tell him about our dinner plans. On the other hand the realization hit me that telling Davis in advance was not necessary as he goes where and when he is told.
What I have always stressed to Becky is that men want you to be the mistress. They want you to control their lives. In a sense it becomes your obligation to push their boundaries.
My thoughts on this Saturday morning.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Friday, June 21, 2019
Wash Day...
In the earlier part of this series a comment was made that it is time for femdom to transition from something of a fetish to a lifestyle. I could not agree more. It may seem strange to many of you, but in my opinion it is the women who are rejecting the lifestyle more than the men. For every one woman who writes to me there are ten men who are interested in exploring it. More than anything else there is an obsessives with punishment in popular femdom liataure. While there is a place for punishment femdom books seem to specialize in whips, nipple torture and almost any evil device that has been known to medieval mankind. In my opinion it is this aspect of popular culture that turns women off to the concept of female leadership in the home.
All of you know I enjoyed reading book three of Dancing Backwards. I enjoyed it for the story line which was well thought out and for the description of the femdom families. If most of the whips and chain stuff had been taken out I would have enjoyed the book even more. Why is it that we must somehow associate female leadership with punishment. Once again there is a place for punishment, but it is not all pervasive in our relationships. In my relationship punishment takes second place to positive reinforcement. And, when punishment is used it is likely to be corner time or a withdrawal of privileges rather than the whip.
Some of you may ask if I even own a whip. Hanging on our bedroom wall is the old riding crop that
John and I took out of my uncle's born. Earlier readers of the blog will remember the story of my uncle and the dogs he raised for hunting. While John is responsible for keeping the leather soft and shinny, the crop has never been used on him. It is not who I am. Even my daughter who began femdom with disciplinary spankings of her husband tells me that positive reinforcement works so much better. And, I for one can see the difference in her guy. He remains respectful of her, yet he is no longer nervous in her presence. Like my John he takes his pleasure from pleasing her. Most of his pain come from knowing that in a certain situation his efforts have fallen short.
This past spring I asked Becky about how she was doing. 'You know, mom', she said 'I can take charge of David without the hairbrush spankings'. She went on to say that he is a naturally submissive man, he wants to do as I tell him, and with the right discipline tools there is no need for the spankings.' What I noticed in her was a higher degree of self confidence. And, as I have said many times on this blog, self confidence if the key to being an effective mistress for a man. I can even see this in how she interacts with her father. She is very self assured. If she tells her father to do something she expects him to comply. You may recall the earlier posting in this series when I asked john who it was that Kelly reminded him of. I expected him to say me, but responded with Becky.
As in the story Becky has the same type of confidence that Kelly shows in interacting with her father.
When they are together she is the boss and they both know it.
For femdom to become mainstream we need to find the courage to talk with our daughters. We need to find the courage to be more open about our lifestyle. We need to have them understand that this is not some type of a lifestyle invented on an outer planet, but that real people here on earth are living it.
What do all of you think?
Love, Kkathy
All of you know I enjoyed reading book three of Dancing Backwards. I enjoyed it for the story line which was well thought out and for the description of the femdom families. If most of the whips and chain stuff had been taken out I would have enjoyed the book even more. Why is it that we must somehow associate female leadership with punishment. Once again there is a place for punishment, but it is not all pervasive in our relationships. In my relationship punishment takes second place to positive reinforcement. And, when punishment is used it is likely to be corner time or a withdrawal of privileges rather than the whip.
Some of you may ask if I even own a whip. Hanging on our bedroom wall is the old riding crop that
John and I took out of my uncle's born. Earlier readers of the blog will remember the story of my uncle and the dogs he raised for hunting. While John is responsible for keeping the leather soft and shinny, the crop has never been used on him. It is not who I am. Even my daughter who began femdom with disciplinary spankings of her husband tells me that positive reinforcement works so much better. And, I for one can see the difference in her guy. He remains respectful of her, yet he is no longer nervous in her presence. Like my John he takes his pleasure from pleasing her. Most of his pain come from knowing that in a certain situation his efforts have fallen short.
This past spring I asked Becky about how she was doing. 'You know, mom', she said 'I can take charge of David without the hairbrush spankings'. She went on to say that he is a naturally submissive man, he wants to do as I tell him, and with the right discipline tools there is no need for the spankings.' What I noticed in her was a higher degree of self confidence. And, as I have said many times on this blog, self confidence if the key to being an effective mistress for a man. I can even see this in how she interacts with her father. She is very self assured. If she tells her father to do something she expects him to comply. You may recall the earlier posting in this series when I asked john who it was that Kelly reminded him of. I expected him to say me, but responded with Becky.
As in the story Becky has the same type of confidence that Kelly shows in interacting with her father.
When they are together she is the boss and they both know it.
For femdom to become mainstream we need to find the courage to talk with our daughters. We need to find the courage to be more open about our lifestyle. We need to have them understand that this is not some type of a lifestyle invented on an outer planet, but that real people here on earth are living it.
What do all of you think?
Love, Kkathy
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Wash Day..
While, thank all of you for responding so nicely to the last posting. And, Alex you are so sweet to remember my special love of poetry. And, yet another yes for at least for a little while my heart is back into the blog.
For a few seconds my inclination was to open up more with Carol about our special lifestyle. John would have been happy to hear me talk about him as my submissive. Yet, once a comment is made it can never be taken back. And, for sure, what I don't want is for all of my neighbors to know that John lives as my submissive. What is special about the blog is that it gives me a place to talk about our life style while maintaining a certain degree of privacy.
The post from yesterday reminded me that we often take life a little too seriously. We need to play more. Yesterday afternoon I decided to take John out for a panty expedition at the plus size store. He didn't really need them, but the sweetness of his dilemma in these situations is so cute. He loves the feeling of manly humiliation when I tell the sales girl that the panties are for him. Yesterday she responded with something like oh fine, we have some nice ones on sale- three for twenty two dollars- what size does he take. 'Size ten', I said. For those of you who don't know that is a rather large size. It confirms to her that the panties really are for him.
Pretending I don't understand which panties are on sale I casually asked you mean those over there. She then lead us over to the appropriate display. 'Thank you', I once again respond. 'I hope you are not embarrassed to have a male customer''. I offer in an apologetic tone. ' No' she responds with a giggle, 'you would be surprised by the number of men we have in here'. She goes on to say that the men often pretend to be buying for a girlfriend, but you can tell! Working with John we sorted through the collection. Picking up a pair I would say to John these would look cute on you as I watch his face turn a rosy shade of red. When the young lady returns I ask 'should he wash these by hand? When the buying decision is finally made I hand John thirty dollars telling him to pay at the register. Since there was a little bit of a line I used the opportunity to ask him if there was anything else he needed while we were in the store.
Many of you may think of me as a cruel bitch for putting John through this exercise. Yet, for my husband there are fewer things in life that he enjoys more than shopping in the plus size store. He feeds on the humiliation. He loves the feeling of being out there as something of a sissie in front of women. In my heart I know that John is one of the strongest men I have ever met. When I am with him I feel safe. Some of you may remember the post about us walking in a dark part of the city when two men approached us. He stood in front of me as my protector. He stared them down. Yes, he may be a sissie, but he is my sissie, and I love him for his gentleness.
This morning John brought my coffee decked out in his new panties. 'Very, very cute', I responded.
'Turn around so I can see how they fit'. I told him. 'So nice', I offered. 'Its such a shame that Carol can't see them when she comes over', I teased him. 'Or maybe she can', I wondered out loud.
'As you wish, mistress', John responded. I snapped my fingers putting him in Command Position to go over his chore list for the morning. When we were finished I had him repeat everything back to me. I then asked him if there was anything else. John responded with 'I love you, mistress'. I then told him to be a good obedient slave for me, and dismissed him with a firm clap of my hands. He knows, however, that those three special words always brings out my softer side even when the voice is stern and the clap firm. Have no doubt about it, but John is both my slave and my protector as well as the love of my life.
Love Kathy
For a few seconds my inclination was to open up more with Carol about our special lifestyle. John would have been happy to hear me talk about him as my submissive. Yet, once a comment is made it can never be taken back. And, for sure, what I don't want is for all of my neighbors to know that John lives as my submissive. What is special about the blog is that it gives me a place to talk about our life style while maintaining a certain degree of privacy.
The post from yesterday reminded me that we often take life a little too seriously. We need to play more. Yesterday afternoon I decided to take John out for a panty expedition at the plus size store. He didn't really need them, but the sweetness of his dilemma in these situations is so cute. He loves the feeling of manly humiliation when I tell the sales girl that the panties are for him. Yesterday she responded with something like oh fine, we have some nice ones on sale- three for twenty two dollars- what size does he take. 'Size ten', I said. For those of you who don't know that is a rather large size. It confirms to her that the panties really are for him.
Pretending I don't understand which panties are on sale I casually asked you mean those over there. She then lead us over to the appropriate display. 'Thank you', I once again respond. 'I hope you are not embarrassed to have a male customer''. I offer in an apologetic tone. ' No' she responds with a giggle, 'you would be surprised by the number of men we have in here'. She goes on to say that the men often pretend to be buying for a girlfriend, but you can tell! Working with John we sorted through the collection. Picking up a pair I would say to John these would look cute on you as I watch his face turn a rosy shade of red. When the young lady returns I ask 'should he wash these by hand? When the buying decision is finally made I hand John thirty dollars telling him to pay at the register. Since there was a little bit of a line I used the opportunity to ask him if there was anything else he needed while we were in the store.
Many of you may think of me as a cruel bitch for putting John through this exercise. Yet, for my husband there are fewer things in life that he enjoys more than shopping in the plus size store. He feeds on the humiliation. He loves the feeling of being out there as something of a sissie in front of women. In my heart I know that John is one of the strongest men I have ever met. When I am with him I feel safe. Some of you may remember the post about us walking in a dark part of the city when two men approached us. He stood in front of me as my protector. He stared them down. Yes, he may be a sissie, but he is my sissie, and I love him for his gentleness.
This morning John brought my coffee decked out in his new panties. 'Very, very cute', I responded.
'Turn around so I can see how they fit'. I told him. 'So nice', I offered. 'Its such a shame that Carol can't see them when she comes over', I teased him. 'Or maybe she can', I wondered out loud.
'As you wish, mistress', John responded. I snapped my fingers putting him in Command Position to go over his chore list for the morning. When we were finished I had him repeat everything back to me. I then asked him if there was anything else. John responded with 'I love you, mistress'. I then told him to be a good obedient slave for me, and dismissed him with a firm clap of my hands. He knows, however, that those three special words always brings out my softer side even when the voice is stern and the clap firm. Have no doubt about it, but John is both my slave and my protector as well as the love of my life.
Love Kathy
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Wash Day.
I hope that some of you found the last posting helpful.
Over the last few years there has been so much written about the so called dominant woman. It makes you wonder who she really is, and what it is that she wants. While there maybe such a thing as a naturally dominant woman they are few and far between. What I have said in the past is that being a mistress to a man is a learning experience. Yes, of course, it helps to have a high degree of self confidence. If also helps to have a bit of a fun loving eclectic personality. By that I mean someone who is open to experimentation. I think it also helps if she is a little playful. Learning to be the mistress without showing your 'fun' side can be tough. Believe me, I know, because in the beginning that was me.
Working in the studio I learned to be stern with men. However, I also learned to have fun by playing with them. It was fun to tease them-play silly games with them or just lead them around on a leash.
There was also a time to have them kneel at your feet for serious conversations. And, believe me these men would tell me things that they would never confess to their wives. But, taken all together most of them were sweet and very respectful. As a mistress in training I relished the place of honor these men gave me. For most of them I was something of a goddess who descended from up high.
What I quickly learned was that the secret to being a good studio mistress was to listen and to show self confidence. It wasn't necessary to be beautiful or to have a great figure. Of course, in the femdom books the heroine is almost always a great beauty with a divine figure. Kelly, in Dancing Backwards is one of these heavenly examples of femininity here on earth. Most of you will never find a Kelly in real life. My guess is that she doesn't really exist. Yet, does it mean that the average woman you meet on the street or in a college class can't be the woman who finds the courage to put a collar around your neck. And, make no mistake about it as I am of the old school which means prior to the advent of modern chastity devices. A collar, both figuratively and literally is what most submissive men want and what they need for true happiness. If I forget to tell John to wear his collar he will usually ask me for permission.
One of the things that Thomas gets correctly is that most submissive men want to wear their mistresses collar. Whenever possible John loves to show it off. It is a statement of ownership, and he wants people to know that he is owned. In a convenience store last month a lady asked him 'who put the dog collar around his neck'. He proudly responded that he lives as his wife's slave, and the collar is a symbol of her authority over him. 'Well, now I have seen everything' she responded to him.
You might think he would be embarrassed to show the collar in public, yet I am the one who insist his shirt cover most of it.
In the studio environment I had no problem with taking a collared and leashed client for a walk about or into a little shop for a look see. The studio was in something of a bohemian neighborhood, and after all it was the man who was leashed. My attitude was something like why should I be embarrassed when he is the creature who stands there on public display. Yet, a husband is different from a client who is simply paying for your services. A husband is a part of you.
And, while I am not really the advice person what I would tell any man who want to talk with his wife about femdom is to remember the last line of the above paragraph. You, as a husband are part of her.
Love you,
Kathy
Over the last few years there has been so much written about the so called dominant woman. It makes you wonder who she really is, and what it is that she wants. While there maybe such a thing as a naturally dominant woman they are few and far between. What I have said in the past is that being a mistress to a man is a learning experience. Yes, of course, it helps to have a high degree of self confidence. If also helps to have a bit of a fun loving eclectic personality. By that I mean someone who is open to experimentation. I think it also helps if she is a little playful. Learning to be the mistress without showing your 'fun' side can be tough. Believe me, I know, because in the beginning that was me.
Working in the studio I learned to be stern with men. However, I also learned to have fun by playing with them. It was fun to tease them-play silly games with them or just lead them around on a leash.
There was also a time to have them kneel at your feet for serious conversations. And, believe me these men would tell me things that they would never confess to their wives. But, taken all together most of them were sweet and very respectful. As a mistress in training I relished the place of honor these men gave me. For most of them I was something of a goddess who descended from up high.
What I quickly learned was that the secret to being a good studio mistress was to listen and to show self confidence. It wasn't necessary to be beautiful or to have a great figure. Of course, in the femdom books the heroine is almost always a great beauty with a divine figure. Kelly, in Dancing Backwards is one of these heavenly examples of femininity here on earth. Most of you will never find a Kelly in real life. My guess is that she doesn't really exist. Yet, does it mean that the average woman you meet on the street or in a college class can't be the woman who finds the courage to put a collar around your neck. And, make no mistake about it as I am of the old school which means prior to the advent of modern chastity devices. A collar, both figuratively and literally is what most submissive men want and what they need for true happiness. If I forget to tell John to wear his collar he will usually ask me for permission.
One of the things that Thomas gets correctly is that most submissive men want to wear their mistresses collar. Whenever possible John loves to show it off. It is a statement of ownership, and he wants people to know that he is owned. In a convenience store last month a lady asked him 'who put the dog collar around his neck'. He proudly responded that he lives as his wife's slave, and the collar is a symbol of her authority over him. 'Well, now I have seen everything' she responded to him.
You might think he would be embarrassed to show the collar in public, yet I am the one who insist his shirt cover most of it.
In the studio environment I had no problem with taking a collared and leashed client for a walk about or into a little shop for a look see. The studio was in something of a bohemian neighborhood, and after all it was the man who was leashed. My attitude was something like why should I be embarrassed when he is the creature who stands there on public display. Yet, a husband is different from a client who is simply paying for your services. A husband is a part of you.
And, while I am not really the advice person what I would tell any man who want to talk with his wife about femdom is to remember the last line of the above paragraph. You, as a husband are part of her.
Love you,
Kathy
Monday, June 17, 2019
Wash Day
Over the last year or so the morning coffee with Carol, our neighbor, has developed into an everyday tradition. On odd numbered days she usually comes to our home where by on even days the coffee is at her place. This morning was kind of a busy day for John in that the coffee time in our home got mixed up with his primary laundry day. This is not the first time for such a coincidence, but it is the first time for Carol to make an observation about John's household service.
In so many words Carol remarked that I am extremely fortunate to have a husband who is helpful around the house. She went on to say that her husband could never be trusted to take care of her washing. He doesn't even understand the importance of separating darks from lights much more the concept of a gentle cycle for her more delicate things. 'Yes, my sweetie is a real peach', I responded with a coy smile. But, for some reason I decided to go a little further with my response. 'But, you know it is really about the training', I responded. With that remark I had Carol's attention.
Once the remark about training came out of my mouth it was too late to quit without telling her a little more abut our relationship. 'Well, you know, since John retired he does almost all of the housework' I told her. 'That's wonderful', Carol responded. What I started to say was that John enjoys serving me, but bit my tongue before the words came out of my mouth. Instead, I simply responded that John enjoys being helpful. 'He likes making me happy', I remarked with a bright smile. At that moment I decided to change the conversation. 'Honey', I called to John, 'come give
us a warm up'.
Laying his folding down for a moment John quickly came into the breakfast area, picked up the pot, brought it over, and refilled our cups. What attracted Carol's attention was the quickness of his service, his smile, and his pleasantness with doing this simple task. 'Yes, I see what you mean', Carol responded. We went on to gossip about the other neighbors, but John was in seventh heaven.
Reflecting on this little incident made me think of Thomas's book, Dancing Backwards. One of the things he gets right in the book is that submissive men take a great pleasure in serving their mistresses.
I will also add that Part 3 of the book was a great story. While I don't usually care for thee femdom books this was an exception. As John told me back in January it is over the top in many ways, but he had a good time picking out the truisms in the book.
Love you all for reading. Love you for sharing. Love you even more for being good and faithful husbands or boyfriends to the lady in your life. My advice is to respect her as a mistress, but love her as a wife.
Kathy
In so many words Carol remarked that I am extremely fortunate to have a husband who is helpful around the house. She went on to say that her husband could never be trusted to take care of her washing. He doesn't even understand the importance of separating darks from lights much more the concept of a gentle cycle for her more delicate things. 'Yes, my sweetie is a real peach', I responded with a coy smile. But, for some reason I decided to go a little further with my response. 'But, you know it is really about the training', I responded. With that remark I had Carol's attention.
Once the remark about training came out of my mouth it was too late to quit without telling her a little more abut our relationship. 'Well, you know, since John retired he does almost all of the housework' I told her. 'That's wonderful', Carol responded. What I started to say was that John enjoys serving me, but bit my tongue before the words came out of my mouth. Instead, I simply responded that John enjoys being helpful. 'He likes making me happy', I remarked with a bright smile. At that moment I decided to change the conversation. 'Honey', I called to John, 'come give
us a warm up'.
Laying his folding down for a moment John quickly came into the breakfast area, picked up the pot, brought it over, and refilled our cups. What attracted Carol's attention was the quickness of his service, his smile, and his pleasantness with doing this simple task. 'Yes, I see what you mean', Carol responded. We went on to gossip about the other neighbors, but John was in seventh heaven.
Reflecting on this little incident made me think of Thomas's book, Dancing Backwards. One of the things he gets right in the book is that submissive men take a great pleasure in serving their mistresses.
I will also add that Part 3 of the book was a great story. While I don't usually care for thee femdom books this was an exception. As John told me back in January it is over the top in many ways, but he had a good time picking out the truisms in the book.
Love you all for reading. Love you for sharing. Love you even more for being good and faithful husbands or boyfriends to the lady in your life. My advice is to respect her as a mistress, but love her as a wife.
Kathy
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