Conversations......

There is nothing but bad news this morning. Its going to be another terrible day for the stock market.
A lot of us like Mistress Diane are spending the day at home. It is especially pleasing when women write to me about their experiences with men. Being a mistress to a man can be challenging, but it has its rewards. There is a feeling of intimacy that few other relationships can match. Way back when John confessed his relationship with Tara he excused it by saying there was no sex. What he didn't understand back then was there was an intermate relationship with another woman. What I didn't understand back then was that some men need to be with a woman who is strict with them.

One of the ideas that the femdom books don't seem to get is that there is a difference between cruel and strict. Becky is a good mistress because she is confident, self assured, and understands what her husband needs to be happy in a relationship. She, like mistress Diane is willing to punish when it is necessary. What they both seem to have in common is that they love their husbands. And, please don't forget that love is an important part of any marriage. The simple truth is that some men have an inner need to be kept under female control. Simple techniques such as Command Position or Corner Time work because they let a man know that his lady is the boss.

In a more understanding society women would use Command Position and Corner time on an everyday basis as a training technique and reminder of who wears the pants. In our home John understands that I wear the pants. His job is to keep them washed and pressed.

Like Diane's husband John is presently in Command Position attentively waiting for me to finish this posting.

Love you, Kathy

Conversations.....

Good morning to all of you.

It was a pleasure to see a comment from Thomas Lvaelle.  Some of you may remember he was the author of the Dancing Backwards series. John read all three books in the series and really enjoyed each of them. The third book of the trilogy is the one which stands out in my memory. It was a well thought out story, with plot twist, and characters that were more than just cardboard cutouts of real people. The characters were a little over the top as they are in most fictional stories, but believable.
This is what made the story so fascinating for me.

In reading over the comment this morning I couldn't help wonder if Thomas's real daughter had been an inspiration for the young lady in the book. The young lady in the story was an adult women, very smart, and a mistress to her man. In the story you meet her mother and father. Her father is submissive to her mother in what could be described as a long term loving femdom relationship.
As I recall the daughter also has a certain degree of authority over her father.

What I fully understand is that most femdom stories are written for men. Yet, I wonder why most of the stories are filled with empty minded characters who do nothing but interact with others in the strangest ways. These stories tend to cast femdom in a very strange, unreal way. They are also a turn off to women who may be seriously interested in learning about femdom and what it means to be a man's mistress.

Be good to your selves, And, be especially good to the lady in your life.


Love, Kathy

Conversations....

This has turned out to be an interesting week for the blog. Thank all of you for the well thought out comments. I enjoyed reading each and every one of them. The comment from Tiptease caused me to think about Becky. One of the reasons she is such an effective mistress is that she has a great deal of confidence in herself. She is a little bit of what people might call a 'disrupter'. She does things her way-the way she believes in. This includes her work life as well as her home life. And, she understands the power women have over men, submissive or otherwise. And, I believe she learned this from home, not from me, but from her father.

Earlier in the week John shared a story related to an incident that happened long ago when Becky was still a teenager living with us. It was habit for John to drive her to dances and parties and such. There was one night when she wanted to stay out later than the usual pick up time. She asked daddy to wait for her-he often brought a book to read-but on this night he was ready to get home. When he told her to get in the car as it was time to leave she gave him a very stern look.  John tells me now that he was more than a little frightened, of what, he didn't know. I guess the correct way to put it is that he 'cowered' under her authority. He was the father. She was a teenage girl, but he respected her as a female authority figure in his life.

Love, Kathy

Conversations...

Based on the lack of comments the last postings were of little interest to most of you. Still, I appreciate both of you, Larry and Joel, for responding. You are both sweethearts. Thank you very much for sharing, and here is a big internet kiss for both of you.

One of the things that concerns women about femdom is the role of men in their most important relationship. As Joel describes it he is a Cowering and Groveling submissive husband to his mistress wife. Upon reading this comment the immediate thought came to me was how many women want a cowering, submissive man as a husband. Yet, submissive men have a way a turning themselves into this type of a person. It is one thing for a man to see himself as a follower. It is quite another thing for a man to debase himself as a collared slave who jumps every time his mistress wife waives her hand or snaps her fingers. Yet again, this is the way many men see themselves. A part of it is fantasy, but a big part of it is real. Believe me, I know, because my own husband lives as one of these loving but obedient slaves.

On my first visit with Tara I came into contact with a few of her so called houseboys. These were all older mature men who wore nothing but the thinnest of lacy panties, who bowed and graveled, and  dared not speak unless spoken to. Was I offended by male nudity on that first visit. No, but was I concerned that my husband had become one of these men. Yes, of couse. It took me quite a while to understand how men could act this way. Why would a grown man debase himself in this way, I wondered. The answer lies deep down in their psychic. There is an inner need to serve women, to obey women, and worship the ground that they walk on. After a while I came to realize that there was no real need for me to understand male submissive behavior, but simply learn to live with it and adjust to it.

Living as a mistress to a man in a committed relationship that requires a certain amount of diligence. Yes, no matter how sweet the male partner may be it is still a relationship that requires work. There is always a need for a wife to be willing tp punish. Yes, John was punished for his recent indiscretion.
Many of you will be happy to know that he has since been forgiven.

Love you for reading,


Kathy

Conversations..

Just a short posting to thank all of you for the well thought out comments, but especially Sub Guy in Atlanta for pouring his heart out in the most elegant manner. It was really his comment that set the tone for the discussion which hit the nail on the head.

After a while what ever you do in a relationship tends to become stale. It is not that your husband no longer needs your authority it is just that he needs a new twist to it. Also, the emotional cost of staying on top of his evolving need for control can exact a heavy mental toll on his mistress.

In the recent posting it was mentioned that there was a question from a lady who wondered about the idea of having her older daughter in charge of the husband. As I recall it was a second marriage and the daughter was in her early twenties, single, and living at home. One of the reasons for taking this action was related to the stress of always being in charge. This lady told me that the husband responded well to the daughter's various commands.  The daughter being younger and more open to things appeared not to have trouble in acting as her stepfather's occasional mistress. But, as weeks went on the daughter took on more and more responsibility for supervising him.

When the young lady was present  the husband began to wait on her hand and foot. She came to enjoy the idea of having him at her beck and call as well as driving her places and using him as a maid to clean house. What this lady tells me is that the husband quickly came to regard the daughter as his mistress rather than her. While she didn't want the responsibility of leadership, she didn't want to see the daughter supplant her as the first lady in the husband's life. Yes, she had become jealous of the daughter's relationship with the father. What mom tells me is that a certain kind of non sexual intimacy developed between them the daughter and father.

Many of you may recall one of the early posting on the blog related to a lady who sometimes 'kenneled' her husband for the night in the studio. The story given to him was that she had a date with her lover, and wanted him out of the way. The truth finally came out that there was no lover. She only needed time alone and felt that time spent with the mistresses in the studio would do him good.

Love you, Kathy

Conversations.

Thank all of you for contributing to the blog by way of comments. Since the last posting John and I have had several discussions related to what we call Rules of the House. By looking at the various sites John clearly violated the Rules. He understands this. He also understands that his actions caused me pain and anguish. It is important for me to be able to trust John. He is my husband and the love of my life. Too many marriages fail because of a lack of trust. Although John was punished it is my hope that the most effective penance was his understanding of the hurt his actions caused.

In the conversation I asked John if deep down he wanted to be caught looking at those porn sites.
His answer I felt was truthful. He was not sure, he responded. A part of him wanted to be caught and punihsed. Since retirement we have put less effort into our marriage. And, femdom like any other relationship requires a certain amount of effort. What I need is for John to show me his love. What John needs is for me to show him control and authority.  In a real sense John has the need to be kept under my thumb in a way that is difficult for women to understand. This is why, I believe, so many women have an issue with accepting femdom relatisonships. We just don't understand them.

One of my first thoughts was to give John lines to write as part of his punishment. In the past this has been an effective punishment in that he absolutely hates lines. On the other hand I wanted something more constrcutive. Becky suggested something along the lines of an essay. She told me that an essay has worked for her. She sat her husband down in a quite room with a paper and pen.
Her instructions to him were simple. 'Write about what happened and why', she told him. Becky told me that the assignment worked out better than she thought it would. Her husband put a lot of effort into the assignment. It gave her a better understanding of his thought process as well as his needs.
She then used the essay as a basis of their discussion.

Men often complain that they have most difficult time understanding what women want. By the same token women have a difficult time understanding their men. It becomes especially difficult with submissive men. Yes, of course, they need control, but how much control? How much freedom should you allow them? Should an older daughter ever be put in charge of them?  This question has again come to me in an email. And, most critical is about trust. How much should you trust a man to be on his best behavior. And, as a mistress wife what is in the relationship for me. 'I want to be his wife, not his mother', is the comment that routinely comes into my email box.

Without going into detail John poured his heart out into the essay. Many of the comment were quite close to the mark. In a sense he felt that I no longer cared about being his mistress. He felt lost. He felt as though his service to me has been taken for granted. 'I no longer cared if the housekeeping was not properly done', he wrote. There were other things, but in essence he felt neglected. Can any of you identify with this? This is an important issue is femdom relationships that needs to be addressed.

Love you all reading my blog. Love you even more for sharing.


Kathy

Conversations

This far into the new year it is time to close out the Christmas series. It is my hope that all of you found it enjoyable, interesting, and most of all  helpful in your relationships. Above all else Femdom 101 is a relationship blog.  On occasion this is something that some of the readers fail to recognize. As one of my favorite authors has written words have meaning. Use of the right words can bring us together just as the wrong words serve to separate us. When talking with your spouse or partner think carefully before saying things. Just as a big steak needs to be carefully chewed and digested words deserve the same type of respect. The wrong words can be most damaging to a relationship. This is not an advice blog, but if it were the advice from Mistress would be to carefully select your words and chew on them a bit before letting them come our. Also, for the men my advice is to learn to listen.  As your mistress speaks think about what she is  really trying to tell you.

One of the things that I treasure most with Becky is our long conversations. After one of these conversations Becky paid me a compliment that sent my ego into high gear. 'Mom', she said, 'you are a mother, a sister and a friend all rolled up into one person. I was delighted. The compliment made me feel good. If not for our close relationship it is doubtful that she would ever have become a mistress to her husband. I would like to think she learned some things from me, but the truth is she has taught me much. And, as a younger wife and mother she is more open to fresh ideas.

It was not too long ago that Becky made a comment about her husband. 'He is a good man she told me, but he is still a man; and as such needs a certain amount of supervision'. 'Yes, I responded, as I have much of the same belief. As most of you have surmised John has not been punished in quite a long time. By enlarge our relationship works on a day to day basis, and John has become the most loving, obedient submissive husband  any woman could hope to have in her life. Yet, as Becky said to me, he is still a man and as a man requires a certain degree of supervision. My advice to the women is no matter how comfortable you are in a relationship always remember a man is still a man and a certain amount of supervision is necessary.

It had been quite some time since I last checked on John's computer history. For whatever reason I decided to take a surprise look in the days after Christmas. It was after John delivered my morning coffee that I instructed him to bring me his computer. By the surprised look on his face I could tell something was wrong.  Yes, as you may have guessed his history file showed sites that were not on his approved list. Yes, I was angry.  I was angry with him, but also mad at myself for forgetting one of the basis tenants of married life.  As Becky says to me he may be a wonderful man, but he is still a man, and as such supervision is required.

For the last several weeks we have been working through the computer issue. John broke my trust.  He disappointed me. Yet, he is still the man whom I love. As his mistress it is my duty to handle the situation as best I can.

Love you all for reading. Love you for even more for sharing.


Kathy