Thank all of you for the love and support during the year.
It is my hope this this blog has made some positive contribution to the lives of each and every one of you. For most men the femdom lifestyle creates challenges, but also adds to the richness of their lives. The same can be said for women, but the challenges and the rewards are different.
For women as well as men femdom offers a lifestyle of both commitment and of deep intimacy. A style of life which is truly unique and pleasing in varied ways. As Becky said we disconnected from the way we used to live and never looked back. And, 'do you ever regret it', I asked. 'No mom, we never regretted it' was the response. 'Yes, there were challenges to overcome', she told me, 'but the relationship is really based on caring'. 'Too much emphasis is placed on the idea of punishment' she once said to me.
One of things we agreed on was that the various blogs place far too much emphasis on the wife's obligation to punish. Yes, a wife's willingness to punish is a part of femdom, but so is love and caring. A submissive husband who demonstrates devotion to his wife and family on a day to day basis is a treasure. A husband who values intimacy is a special angel whom a woman can connect with in a spiritual as well as physical way.
Most of the blogs dwell on the obligations of the husband to his wife. What the blogs seem to neglect is the role of the husband as a father and role model for children. Even men with adult daughters want to keep the idea that mom is head of family and his personal mistress as some sought of national secret. Why, I ask men such as I'm hers and others who openly blog about femdom's positives but neglect to share with their adult children. Femdom is not about sex unless you want to make it that way. Why is it that so many men want to deny that sense of richness to their adult children.
Having a an openly submissive father in law was the stimulus for David coming out to Becky. Even for them the transition from vanilla to femdom was a challenge. One day, Becky says, that femdom may become almost as vanilla as apple pie and ice cream, but she acknowledges that day is still far into the future. Becky reads the blog. What she tells me is that I put too much emphasis on the bristled hairbrush. She says I should talk more about how the children love David-how he tells them stories and how he plays with them. And yes, she says, the children do see David as well as her as authority figures in their lives. The difference in femdom is that the family is put ahead of work, ahead of sports on the television, and other distractions that tend to isolate fathers from the family. This is a part of femdom that each of you should give special thought to over the upcoming holidays.
In Becky's home David is not allowed to turn the television on without permission. This is true for sports programs as well as cartoons for the children. In her opinion the television should not be used as a baby sitter. She favors active activities for the children rather than the passivity of siting in front of a TV screen. David respects and supports her decision in this matter as well as other decisions about how the home is run. Does she give him a say, yes. Does she value his opinion, yes. Is the final decision on all household matters hers, yes. Is David expected to support her on all decisions, yes. And, like most men does David sometimes pout? Yes, Becky tells me. And, how does she handle pouting. A quick snapping of the fingers putting him in Command Position usually does the trick she says. The best way to handle male poutines in most homes is simply by reminding the guy that you are the boss. There is no easier way to remind your guy of your authority than by putting him in Command Position. Becky will use a word or two with this tool, but there is generally no need to scream of shout. The simple physical act of falling to the floor upon the wife's command is usually enough to put an end to any pouting or rebellion. In the home submissive men want to be assured that female authority is supreme. Enough said.
On a visit to their home last year a sister asked David if they could turn on the television for the children. 'I will ask Becky' he replied to the sister. The sister now understands that Becky not David is the person to ask. 'Does this bother David', I ventured . 'No', was the reply. She went on to say that David has no problem with letting his family know that his wife makes the decisions and controls the household finances. He has learned to be what she calls a proud submissive man. In some ways this is the new age male that we have occasionally talked about on the blog. Yes, he acknowledges 'She' controls his permissions, and is proud to offer that they both want it that way. It is not something that 'She' forces on him. And, for David she always comes with a capital 'S' for she is his his mistress; the woman he lives to serve, and the love of his life. What I suspect is that many young men would be tremendously envious of the life he lives under Becky's control. Is there a sexual component of femdom? Yes, of course. Is femdom about sex? No, not really, at least in my view. And, as support for this is my belief that many men become more submissive with age as the sex drives tends to diminish.
One of the things Becky loves to see is young fathers carrying diaper bags and feeding their children in public spaces. No, they can't breast feed, but they can give the bottle, and mistress wives should expect their husbands to do more of this she tells me. This is not the type of activity that makes for exciting femdom reading, or causes Alex to melt, but it is a reality of femdom life. Femdom is not just about foot messages. Yes, as in spankings there may be foot messages from time to time, but giving these is more of a male priority that something that most wives crave or even have time for.
What femdom is about is a way of life in which a wife has control over her husband. Her decisions determine what is right for him and what is wrong for him. Her decisions determine what church the family will attend and when. She may also determine more mundane matters such as what television programs to watch. For the deeply submissive husband she may in fact become the earthly representative of his God. A husband's simple curtsy to his wife is kind of a symbol of her spiritual presence in his life. She is only a person, but to him She is often something of a goddess.
For all of you in America it is my hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
Your wife may not be the mistress of your dreams, but she is the lady that you chose to marry. Remember to honor her on this holiday. There is more to Thanksgiving than turkey and football.
Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing.
Kathy
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Thursday, November 16, 2017
A Sense Of Fear...More About Tough Love
One of the things that I appreciate about the blog is the diversity of the comments. While it is true that a blog with a name like Femdom 101 will tend to attract submissive men, these men come with a range of ideas and feelings.
In my opinion femdom should never be about catering to a husbands every want. The wife should never become the psychological servant of her husband, but admittedly there is a danger of this happening. The simple truth is that most women agree to a femdom relationship at the request of their spouse. It is very seldom that a wife suggest to her husband that she should take the lead in their marriage. This so called lack of enthusiasm by the wife is what tends to complicate the entire concept. Is it the wife trying to please her husband by catering to his wants or is it the wife demanding servitude from her man.
One of the things I learned from Tara was the importance of understanding the male's need for female control in everyday life. By everyday life I mean not just play time on Saturday morning, but a relationship where by the wife is in control of her man. On a daily basis she decides his permissions, determines his duties, his rewards and when necessary his punishments. And, regarding punishment I did say when necessary rather than if necessary. In my view a wife's willingness to punish is an absolute preset condition for a true femdom marriage.
In earlier posting we talked about having John eat pages from his magazines. His stash of these offensive magazines was almost a foot high. In my view these magazines were offensive to women.
The magazines typically showed attractive women in skimpy outfits with naked men graveling at their feet. Typically the women held a whip of some kind in her hand. The magazines displayed no emotion except male fear of the superior female. It was never explained why the physically stronger male yielded to her punishment, but he always did. It bothered me that John was attracted to this type of trash. Based on the prices displayed on the covers these magazines were certainly not cheap.
The fact that his stack of old magazines was so high was testimony to the idea that he was in some way addicted to them. Most of the old ones were not thrown away. Lusting over these magazines was a 'want' of his. Was I going to indulge this want? The answer was a resounding no, but I also needed to make a point. And, for both of our sakes I understood that the point needed to be made in a very strong way.
The first thing I did was have him remove the magazines from the garage and carry them into the house. I then had him place the magazines on the coffee table front and center of the couch where anyone visiting could see them. Yes, I told him that visitors to our home, both men and women, would see them and they would know that the magazines were his. 'Would you like that', I asked John. 'No mistress' was the fearful answer. 'Are you sure', I repeated. The idea that friends, neighbors, and family would see these magazines was most fearful to him. I remember pressing the question harder and harder. 'You have permission to speak, tell me why you don't want visitors to see them'.
At that point in the conversation John began to stutter and became very fearful. His fear of what I was going to do or say was genuine. The more fear he showed the more powerful I felt. For a few minutes my attitude resembled the whip wheeling dominatrix in the magazines. And, maybe like the female character in the magazine, I took some pleasure in his anxiety.
The idea that anyone visiting our home would see those magazines was extremely humiliating for John. 'What should we do with them', I asked John. 'Throw them in the trash' he responded.
But honey, 'you spent so much money on these magazines. It would be ashamed to just throw them away', I replied. Of course, I wanted them out of the house almost as much as John did, but it was also necessary to drive home the concept of who was in charge.
From the large stash I pulled out two or three of the magazines. 'Go through the magazine with me' I told him. 'Tell me what you like about the pictures'. As we went thorough the first magazine I again asked him what he would like to do with it. 'Throw it in the trash' was his reply. 'Well, I guess we can do that' I told John. I said it in the same teasingly manner as the way we talked in the studio. I then told him that it might be well for him to make double sure he wants to throw the magazines away. The conversation brought out much of his guilt to the surface. He was in what I would call mental agony. 'Lets make sure those dirty magazines don't leave a bad taste in you mouth', I said. 'Just so you are not tempted to buy more of them', I added.
It was at that point I had him tear off the first page of one of the magazines, rip it into small pieces and eat it piece by piece. Page by page I had him tear off and rip up the remainder of the magazine before throwing it into the trash. Everyday we went through the same process until the stack was gone. There are readers who will suggest this was cruel as it was a most unpleasant experience for him. What I have learned is that there are times when a mistress wife must give her man unpleasant experiences. It may be eating the pages from a magazine, missing a sports match on television, or a painful spanking with a hard bristled hair brush. Even Becky, who still is new to the role of mistress understands the importance of punishment in her marriage. Of even more significance she has learned the enormous power a woman has over a man-a man who may physically stronger but mentally under her control.
In those early days of femdom it was important for John to know that I still loved him. It was important for him to understand that my love for him was the primary reason for becoming his mistress. Yet, he also needed to understand that my control of his life was real and a permanent fixture in our marriage. In the beginning our life mirrored much of what happened in the studio. Back then I was more of a mistress than a wife. Over time, years, I learned to find a more workable balance between the competing roles of mistress and wife. Depending on John's attitude one side or the other of my personality would come to life on any given day. On a day to day basis it became John's job to please me. To do as much as possible to keep the sweet side of my personality in front of him.
Concluding a discussion with Becky she said 'I suppose that is what they mean by the term slave husband'. I thought a second and responded 'yes, I suppose it is'.
Love you for reading, love you for sharing.
Kathy
In my opinion femdom should never be about catering to a husbands every want. The wife should never become the psychological servant of her husband, but admittedly there is a danger of this happening. The simple truth is that most women agree to a femdom relationship at the request of their spouse. It is very seldom that a wife suggest to her husband that she should take the lead in their marriage. This so called lack of enthusiasm by the wife is what tends to complicate the entire concept. Is it the wife trying to please her husband by catering to his wants or is it the wife demanding servitude from her man.
One of the things I learned from Tara was the importance of understanding the male's need for female control in everyday life. By everyday life I mean not just play time on Saturday morning, but a relationship where by the wife is in control of her man. On a daily basis she decides his permissions, determines his duties, his rewards and when necessary his punishments. And, regarding punishment I did say when necessary rather than if necessary. In my view a wife's willingness to punish is an absolute preset condition for a true femdom marriage.
In earlier posting we talked about having John eat pages from his magazines. His stash of these offensive magazines was almost a foot high. In my view these magazines were offensive to women.
The magazines typically showed attractive women in skimpy outfits with naked men graveling at their feet. Typically the women held a whip of some kind in her hand. The magazines displayed no emotion except male fear of the superior female. It was never explained why the physically stronger male yielded to her punishment, but he always did. It bothered me that John was attracted to this type of trash. Based on the prices displayed on the covers these magazines were certainly not cheap.
The fact that his stack of old magazines was so high was testimony to the idea that he was in some way addicted to them. Most of the old ones were not thrown away. Lusting over these magazines was a 'want' of his. Was I going to indulge this want? The answer was a resounding no, but I also needed to make a point. And, for both of our sakes I understood that the point needed to be made in a very strong way.
The first thing I did was have him remove the magazines from the garage and carry them into the house. I then had him place the magazines on the coffee table front and center of the couch where anyone visiting could see them. Yes, I told him that visitors to our home, both men and women, would see them and they would know that the magazines were his. 'Would you like that', I asked John. 'No mistress' was the fearful answer. 'Are you sure', I repeated. The idea that friends, neighbors, and family would see these magazines was most fearful to him. I remember pressing the question harder and harder. 'You have permission to speak, tell me why you don't want visitors to see them'.
At that point in the conversation John began to stutter and became very fearful. His fear of what I was going to do or say was genuine. The more fear he showed the more powerful I felt. For a few minutes my attitude resembled the whip wheeling dominatrix in the magazines. And, maybe like the female character in the magazine, I took some pleasure in his anxiety.
The idea that anyone visiting our home would see those magazines was extremely humiliating for John. 'What should we do with them', I asked John. 'Throw them in the trash' he responded.
But honey, 'you spent so much money on these magazines. It would be ashamed to just throw them away', I replied. Of course, I wanted them out of the house almost as much as John did, but it was also necessary to drive home the concept of who was in charge.
From the large stash I pulled out two or three of the magazines. 'Go through the magazine with me' I told him. 'Tell me what you like about the pictures'. As we went thorough the first magazine I again asked him what he would like to do with it. 'Throw it in the trash' was his reply. 'Well, I guess we can do that' I told John. I said it in the same teasingly manner as the way we talked in the studio. I then told him that it might be well for him to make double sure he wants to throw the magazines away. The conversation brought out much of his guilt to the surface. He was in what I would call mental agony. 'Lets make sure those dirty magazines don't leave a bad taste in you mouth', I said. 'Just so you are not tempted to buy more of them', I added.
It was at that point I had him tear off the first page of one of the magazines, rip it into small pieces and eat it piece by piece. Page by page I had him tear off and rip up the remainder of the magazine before throwing it into the trash. Everyday we went through the same process until the stack was gone. There are readers who will suggest this was cruel as it was a most unpleasant experience for him. What I have learned is that there are times when a mistress wife must give her man unpleasant experiences. It may be eating the pages from a magazine, missing a sports match on television, or a painful spanking with a hard bristled hair brush. Even Becky, who still is new to the role of mistress understands the importance of punishment in her marriage. Of even more significance she has learned the enormous power a woman has over a man-a man who may physically stronger but mentally under her control.
In those early days of femdom it was important for John to know that I still loved him. It was important for him to understand that my love for him was the primary reason for becoming his mistress. Yet, he also needed to understand that my control of his life was real and a permanent fixture in our marriage. In the beginning our life mirrored much of what happened in the studio. Back then I was more of a mistress than a wife. Over time, years, I learned to find a more workable balance between the competing roles of mistress and wife. Depending on John's attitude one side or the other of my personality would come to life on any given day. On a day to day basis it became John's job to please me. To do as much as possible to keep the sweet side of my personality in front of him.
Concluding a discussion with Becky she said 'I suppose that is what they mean by the term slave husband'. I thought a second and responded 'yes, I suppose it is'.
Love you for reading, love you for sharing.
Kathy
Monday, November 13, 2017
A Sense Of Fear..Tough Love
Just a short note to thank all of you who were kind enough to post. Well, 'kind enough' may not be the best choice of words. Half of you believe that I am something of an angel while the other half consider me to be some kind of a devil in a red dress. What I believe is that the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes.
To a large extent the journey from soccer mom to mistress was one of the most difficult times of my life. By saying this I am not looking for sympathy. It left me angry, depressed, and with feelings of inadequately. The question continued to come back to me in ways that there was no good answer. Why, I asked, did John feel the need to find the dominance he needed by the hand of a paid mistress. The truth of course was simply that I would never understand. Many of you who read this blog have the same attitude toward your wife. You are afraid to open up to her. You compensate for your fear by searching other outlets. Some of you may resort to paid professionals, but most of you confine your needs to the internet. Most often you are searching for blogs much like this one.
Over the last few weeks commenters have made statements to the effect that my husband was at one time kenneled and that he was forced to eat some of the pages from his collection of femdom magazines. In a court of law I would probably have to plead guilty to these things and more. And if you think discussing these things with Becky was easy, well guess again. It is true that coming home I didn't know how to deal with John. I wanted him back in our home, and back in our bedroom, but. And, there was a big but because there had to be something of half way point between living away and returning to our bedroom. How do you tell a man you are angry, but that you still love him. How do you tell a man he caused you so much pain, but you still love him. How do you forgive him and go on with life. How do you make sure he will never see another paid mistress again?
And, when all is said and done how do you deal with the remaining guilt. One way is to be the best mistress you can be. Firm, disciplined, and loving all at the same time. And yes, control the money and know what he is doing, and whom he is doing it with. Another way to handle the guilt is to share your story in the form of a femdom blog. To give courage to others to speak up. To help women understand what it means when their husband says I need you to control me. None of us are perfect. John understands that he messed up big time by going to Tara, and her girls. Back at home the kennel from the little shop in the By-water, and the magazines were meant as punishments. But these were punishments that sent a message. 'You are mine, you belong to me. I am your mistress now and your only mistress'.
Some of you may think that I can be a nasty bitch, and on that score you are correct.
Love and Kisses,
Kathy
To a large extent the journey from soccer mom to mistress was one of the most difficult times of my life. By saying this I am not looking for sympathy. It left me angry, depressed, and with feelings of inadequately. The question continued to come back to me in ways that there was no good answer. Why, I asked, did John feel the need to find the dominance he needed by the hand of a paid mistress. The truth of course was simply that I would never understand. Many of you who read this blog have the same attitude toward your wife. You are afraid to open up to her. You compensate for your fear by searching other outlets. Some of you may resort to paid professionals, but most of you confine your needs to the internet. Most often you are searching for blogs much like this one.
Over the last few weeks commenters have made statements to the effect that my husband was at one time kenneled and that he was forced to eat some of the pages from his collection of femdom magazines. In a court of law I would probably have to plead guilty to these things and more. And if you think discussing these things with Becky was easy, well guess again. It is true that coming home I didn't know how to deal with John. I wanted him back in our home, and back in our bedroom, but. And, there was a big but because there had to be something of half way point between living away and returning to our bedroom. How do you tell a man you are angry, but that you still love him. How do you tell a man he caused you so much pain, but you still love him. How do you forgive him and go on with life. How do you make sure he will never see another paid mistress again?
And, when all is said and done how do you deal with the remaining guilt. One way is to be the best mistress you can be. Firm, disciplined, and loving all at the same time. And yes, control the money and know what he is doing, and whom he is doing it with. Another way to handle the guilt is to share your story in the form of a femdom blog. To give courage to others to speak up. To help women understand what it means when their husband says I need you to control me. None of us are perfect. John understands that he messed up big time by going to Tara, and her girls. Back at home the kennel from the little shop in the By-water, and the magazines were meant as punishments. But these were punishments that sent a message. 'You are mine, you belong to me. I am your mistress now and your only mistress'.
Some of you may think that I can be a nasty bitch, and on that score you are correct.
Love and Kisses,
Kathy
Friday, November 10, 2017
A Sense of Fear
Growing up in a Catholic city I attended the nun's school as a child. We had all of the usual classes, but everything was infused with a sense of religion. One of the lessons we learned was that a fear of God was a good thing. Yes, of course, we should always strive to do the right thing for no other reason than it was what good Christian girls did. Yet, in the background was this thing about a fear of God and his retribution if we failed to honor his rules. On Sunday mornings it was often this fear of God that gave me the inner courage to wake up early for mass. If it were not for fear of God there would have been many more Sunday mornings in which I would have elected to remain in bed.
It is now close to noon and john is finishing up his Friday chores. What I suspect is that John feels the same way about his chores as I did about missing Sunday mass. He wants to do what is expected of him because that is what good submissive husbands do. But also there is this fear of punishment. He may not be spanked, but John understands that his punishment for not doing chores will be very real. Fear of a mistress wife is a far cry from fear of God, but a mistress's punishment for disobedience will come much quicker.
The point of this posting is that a little fear of a wife is a good thing. David asked Becky to become his mistress. He understands that obeying her is the right thing to do, yet there are times when it is difficult. The natural fear a man has for violating his wife's commands is real. The bristled hairbrush on the nightstand serves as a reminder of his obligations. And,it serves as a symbolic reminder of his wife's authority. David, like John gave up his freedom when he asked Becky to become her submissive, and take charge of his life. The day she agreed to become his mistress she assumed an obligation to develop David into a better version of himself.
As Christian wives we have responsibilities to both our husbands and children. We do not believe in divorce. We believe it is out duty to understand our men and to the best of our ability structure an environment in which they can excel. For some of us this means becoming mistresses to our men. By doing so we create a structure in which they can be better husbands and better fathers.
It is not that we are better than our guys, or that we have a natural right to rule them. It is because as wives we have an obligation to develop their inner self in a way that only a wife can do. Yes, of course, Becky understood that becoming a mistress to her husband was a duty for her. It was never something she wanted or asked for, but it was there. It was thrust upon her by a loving husband who realized that he needed female authority in his life.
Love you for reading, love you even more for sharing,
Kathy
It is now close to noon and john is finishing up his Friday chores. What I suspect is that John feels the same way about his chores as I did about missing Sunday mass. He wants to do what is expected of him because that is what good submissive husbands do. But also there is this fear of punishment. He may not be spanked, but John understands that his punishment for not doing chores will be very real. Fear of a mistress wife is a far cry from fear of God, but a mistress's punishment for disobedience will come much quicker.
The point of this posting is that a little fear of a wife is a good thing. David asked Becky to become his mistress. He understands that obeying her is the right thing to do, yet there are times when it is difficult. The natural fear a man has for violating his wife's commands is real. The bristled hairbrush on the nightstand serves as a reminder of his obligations. And,it serves as a symbolic reminder of his wife's authority. David, like John gave up his freedom when he asked Becky to become her submissive, and take charge of his life. The day she agreed to become his mistress she assumed an obligation to develop David into a better version of himself.
As Christian wives we have responsibilities to both our husbands and children. We do not believe in divorce. We believe it is out duty to understand our men and to the best of our ability structure an environment in which they can excel. For some of us this means becoming mistresses to our men. By doing so we create a structure in which they can be better husbands and better fathers.
It is not that we are better than our guys, or that we have a natural right to rule them. It is because as wives we have an obligation to develop their inner self in a way that only a wife can do. Yes, of course, Becky understood that becoming a mistress to her husband was a duty for her. It was never something she wanted or asked for, but it was there. It was thrust upon her by a loving husband who realized that he needed female authority in his life.
Love you for reading, love you even more for sharing,
Kathy
Thursday, November 9, 2017
A Side Note
Once again a big thank you to all of those who were kind enough to share.
I believe it was Joel who asked an interesting question. Is femdom actually a good thing for the submissive male. In my opinion yes, it is a good thing, because femdom gives men something they not only want but need. A question than becomes does it make them overly dependent on the lady who owns them. And yes, over time femdom does seem to cause a great deal of dependency. If femdom is with the 'right' lady my thinking it is fine. There is potential for abuse. After a time a so called life partner may no longer have her submissive mans best interest at heart. And, the potential for financial abuse is apparent to all.
One of the commentates mentioned how his pay check is quickly removed to a bank account in which he has no control. Most mistress wives consider every penny their husbands earn as their property to do with as they wish. I agree with this philosophy. There is no valid reason for a man to have access to any type of bank account. If the need for money comes up for whatever reason he should ask his wife. It then becomes her decision. And there are situations where by a husband may need money for one reason or the other. It may be to help an elderly parent, or to help family members with college expenses. In difficult situations the wife should listen, but in the end all financial decisions are hers.
Femdom provides the truly submissive man with the kind of life he wants and needs. This is not to say there will be total happiness in the land of Valhalla.( Did I spell that word correctly, I am not sure.) Femdom is not about giving a man all that he wants. Yes, in the beginning he wants to serve his lady. After a year or so of making beds and scrubbing toilets the initial excitement of doing house work can turn into simple drudgery. Becky has learned that this is where discipline plays an important part in the relationship. With the word discipline I am talking about a systems of rules and protocols by which a man lives.
By discipline lets take a look at my John. Almost every day of the week he has some duties to perform in our home. Friday is his day to clean our bedroom, wash and change the bed sheets, vacuum, clean the mistress bathroom, and finally dust. Over the years John has accepted this as one of his household duties. Yet, he has been doing it for a long time. In the beginning there was a sense of excitement about performing this duty for his mistress. That same excitement may no longer be there. In the real world of a mistress/slave relationship the question is how to keep a man attentive to his duties?
For this mistress a big part of keeping her husband on 'track' is a careful inspection of his work.
The inspection will always come with a critique. And, in this home the husband understands that if his house hold work is not up to standards he will be doing it again. Our king size bed has a heavy mattress, and it is close to a large piece of furniture. The end result is that changing the sheets is a bit of a difficult job, and John hates doing it. He also understands that if it is not done correctly I have no hesitation of pulling off the sheets for him to start over again. After one episode when the bedroom work was overly sloppy I had him change the sheets every day for a week.
I am not sure if you should call this discipline or punishment, but it caused him to do a better job of serving me. It also reminded him that even as an older man and a long term submissive he is still my slave. After years of training and discipline John understands that he is an owned man and will be so for the rest of his life.
In the early part of Becky's femdom relationship I encouraged her to give David more household duties. He is so busy she would tell me. Yes, he may be busy, but I suspected that he has time for more, and additional responsibilities would be good for both of you. And, what she did correctly was not only to give him more duties, but to pay attention to what he was doing. 'You know, mom, it helps a lot if I inspect his work', she told me. 'He takes more ownership of what he does when I do a careful evaluation,' I remember hearing. She also understood that inspection and evaluation made David's brain work in different ways. 'It makes him want to do what he is supposed to do', she once mentioned to me. She also told me that he feared the hairbrush with the stiff bristles. What I heard was that he will do almost anything to keep those hard bristles from coming down on his rear end.
Becky correctly understood that motivating David was a mixture of positive rewards combined with
a sense of fear. From an early age she understood that a man's sense of fear of his girlfriend, wife, or mistress was a good thing. In high school she learned to creat a sense of apprehension in boys by not returning calls or by having them wait while she got ready. As a mistress wife she quicly learned the value of a hairbrush in maintaining authority. It is very seldom that she has to use it, but the sight of it on her make up vanity is sufficient to send a daily reminder to David that she is still the boss. While this may seem cruel to some of you, Becky understands that this everyday reminder is a good thing for David because it is what he needs.
Love you all for reading and for sharing,
Kathy
I believe it was Joel who asked an interesting question. Is femdom actually a good thing for the submissive male. In my opinion yes, it is a good thing, because femdom gives men something they not only want but need. A question than becomes does it make them overly dependent on the lady who owns them. And yes, over time femdom does seem to cause a great deal of dependency. If femdom is with the 'right' lady my thinking it is fine. There is potential for abuse. After a time a so called life partner may no longer have her submissive mans best interest at heart. And, the potential for financial abuse is apparent to all.
One of the commentates mentioned how his pay check is quickly removed to a bank account in which he has no control. Most mistress wives consider every penny their husbands earn as their property to do with as they wish. I agree with this philosophy. There is no valid reason for a man to have access to any type of bank account. If the need for money comes up for whatever reason he should ask his wife. It then becomes her decision. And there are situations where by a husband may need money for one reason or the other. It may be to help an elderly parent, or to help family members with college expenses. In difficult situations the wife should listen, but in the end all financial decisions are hers.
Femdom provides the truly submissive man with the kind of life he wants and needs. This is not to say there will be total happiness in the land of Valhalla.( Did I spell that word correctly, I am not sure.) Femdom is not about giving a man all that he wants. Yes, in the beginning he wants to serve his lady. After a year or so of making beds and scrubbing toilets the initial excitement of doing house work can turn into simple drudgery. Becky has learned that this is where discipline plays an important part in the relationship. With the word discipline I am talking about a systems of rules and protocols by which a man lives.
By discipline lets take a look at my John. Almost every day of the week he has some duties to perform in our home. Friday is his day to clean our bedroom, wash and change the bed sheets, vacuum, clean the mistress bathroom, and finally dust. Over the years John has accepted this as one of his household duties. Yet, he has been doing it for a long time. In the beginning there was a sense of excitement about performing this duty for his mistress. That same excitement may no longer be there. In the real world of a mistress/slave relationship the question is how to keep a man attentive to his duties?
For this mistress a big part of keeping her husband on 'track' is a careful inspection of his work.
The inspection will always come with a critique. And, in this home the husband understands that if his house hold work is not up to standards he will be doing it again. Our king size bed has a heavy mattress, and it is close to a large piece of furniture. The end result is that changing the sheets is a bit of a difficult job, and John hates doing it. He also understands that if it is not done correctly I have no hesitation of pulling off the sheets for him to start over again. After one episode when the bedroom work was overly sloppy I had him change the sheets every day for a week.
I am not sure if you should call this discipline or punishment, but it caused him to do a better job of serving me. It also reminded him that even as an older man and a long term submissive he is still my slave. After years of training and discipline John understands that he is an owned man and will be so for the rest of his life.
In the early part of Becky's femdom relationship I encouraged her to give David more household duties. He is so busy she would tell me. Yes, he may be busy, but I suspected that he has time for more, and additional responsibilities would be good for both of you. And, what she did correctly was not only to give him more duties, but to pay attention to what he was doing. 'You know, mom, it helps a lot if I inspect his work', she told me. 'He takes more ownership of what he does when I do a careful evaluation,' I remember hearing. She also understood that inspection and evaluation made David's brain work in different ways. 'It makes him want to do what he is supposed to do', she once mentioned to me. She also told me that he feared the hairbrush with the stiff bristles. What I heard was that he will do almost anything to keep those hard bristles from coming down on his rear end.
Becky correctly understood that motivating David was a mixture of positive rewards combined with
a sense of fear. From an early age she understood that a man's sense of fear of his girlfriend, wife, or mistress was a good thing. In high school she learned to creat a sense of apprehension in boys by not returning calls or by having them wait while she got ready. As a mistress wife she quicly learned the value of a hairbrush in maintaining authority. It is very seldom that she has to use it, but the sight of it on her make up vanity is sufficient to send a daily reminder to David that she is still the boss. While this may seem cruel to some of you, Becky understands that this everyday reminder is a good thing for David because it is what he needs.
Love you all for reading and for sharing,
Kathy
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
A Side Note...
This is turning more into a series than a side note, but the comments are interesting.
The simple truth is that not everyone understands the male submissive personality, and most people tend to reject things that they don't understand. Even my John, if you asked him, would say something to the effect that he doesn't understand the why of it. He simply knows that submissiveness is and has always been a real part of his core personality.
The simple truth is that it is difficult going from a vanilla type of relationship to chocolate. Even Becky had difficulty understanding what David wanted when he first approached her. It took time, it took discussions with mom as well as a lot of reading and thinking. One of the things that stuck Becky was the realization that she and David had already been in a kind of mistress/submissive type relationship. After doing some soul searching she came to realize that her priorities, her wants and needs had become David's wants and needs. She also came to understand that over the time they had been together David had assumed much of her moral compass. If she said something was wrong, it was also wrong for David. If she put her blessing on something that needed to be done in the home, David was also for it.
The other thought that struck Becky was that her friends had become David's friends. When they first started to go out David had a number of friends of his own. Most of the time, however, they ended up going out with one of Becky's girlfriends and their husbands. Little by little they stopped doing things with David's friends. This was never something that was planned. It just happened. It finally got to the point, Becky told me that she made social plans for the weekend without discussing them with David. It was not that she minded talking about the plans with David, it was more that he was waiting to be told. They had one occasion a few years ago when she completely forgot to tell David that they were going out to dinner. 'Why aren't you getting dressed' she asked him. 'For what' he replied.
It was only after this brief discussion that it came to her that she had forgotten to tell David that they were going out.
In looking back over the first few years of their relationship Becky tells me that David was fine with all of this. On that evening she forgot to tell him about the dinner plans, she told him to hurry up or they would be late for the reservations. 'What was David's reaction', I asked. 'He hurried up, he did as told', Becky again responded. 'Did he complain at all' I remember asking. 'No, he just did as I told him to do', Becky repeated.
As she now looks back on the pre femdom part of their relationship she sees all of the signs associated with submissive male behavior. Instead of making decisions or plans of their own submissive men tend to wait for the woman in their life to orchestrate things. From what I have observed submissive men find a sense of security when women take the lead. Instead of being in the forefront of the conversation submissive men tend to listen when women are speaking. On a walk they prefer to place themselves just behind the lady they are accompanying. When going through a door way they will take a slight step ahead to open the door, but they want the lady to be the first one to enter the room. And yes, when properly trained they love the opportunity to hold a lady's coat or even her purse.
Not to long ago a lady asked me for a simple test to determine if a man was submissive. I told her to take her guy shopping, and have him hold her purse in the mall. If he does so without complaint he is probably submissive. Or better yet have him hold her purse while taking a long phone call. If he simply smiles after a long conversation about nothing he is probably submissive. Another young lady told me that she took her guy shopping. When they passed a plus size store with a sexy lingerie display she casually mentioned that he might look good in that. And yes, she told me that he got excited at the idea of wearing what they were looking at.
One of the habits Becky picked up has been to use her index finger as a signaling device to summon David. She did this she told me without even realizing it. 'Mom', she said 'you might be the blame for this habit'. We talk a lot on the phone. 'Instead of putting the phone down, I got in the habit of signaling him to come', she told me. Yes, of course, I thought-I do the same with John. Now, instead of telling him to come I simply waive my finger at him. Either way I told Becky a husband should be trained to keep his eyes focused on his wife's hands. Becky told me that she once slapped David for staring at a big 'titted' girl in the mall. 'Eyes down' she told him, and he apologized.
If something ever happened to my guy would I be open to another submissive man. Yes, of course. Would I seek a relationship with another submissive man. Probably not, but then this was a hypothetical question and who knows. For now I simply know that my guys teats me like a queen. His focus in life is on me, and I love him all the more for that. And sometimes we have a little kink in our lives. And if someone has criticism of this my answer is simply so what.
Hope you enjoy the blog, but keep commenting. Many of you have trouble finding the courage to share, but it is good to try.
Love,
Kathy
The simple truth is that not everyone understands the male submissive personality, and most people tend to reject things that they don't understand. Even my John, if you asked him, would say something to the effect that he doesn't understand the why of it. He simply knows that submissiveness is and has always been a real part of his core personality.
The simple truth is that it is difficult going from a vanilla type of relationship to chocolate. Even Becky had difficulty understanding what David wanted when he first approached her. It took time, it took discussions with mom as well as a lot of reading and thinking. One of the things that stuck Becky was the realization that she and David had already been in a kind of mistress/submissive type relationship. After doing some soul searching she came to realize that her priorities, her wants and needs had become David's wants and needs. She also came to understand that over the time they had been together David had assumed much of her moral compass. If she said something was wrong, it was also wrong for David. If she put her blessing on something that needed to be done in the home, David was also for it.
The other thought that struck Becky was that her friends had become David's friends. When they first started to go out David had a number of friends of his own. Most of the time, however, they ended up going out with one of Becky's girlfriends and their husbands. Little by little they stopped doing things with David's friends. This was never something that was planned. It just happened. It finally got to the point, Becky told me that she made social plans for the weekend without discussing them with David. It was not that she minded talking about the plans with David, it was more that he was waiting to be told. They had one occasion a few years ago when she completely forgot to tell David that they were going out to dinner. 'Why aren't you getting dressed' she asked him. 'For what' he replied.
It was only after this brief discussion that it came to her that she had forgotten to tell David that they were going out.
In looking back over the first few years of their relationship Becky tells me that David was fine with all of this. On that evening she forgot to tell him about the dinner plans, she told him to hurry up or they would be late for the reservations. 'What was David's reaction', I asked. 'He hurried up, he did as told', Becky again responded. 'Did he complain at all' I remember asking. 'No, he just did as I told him to do', Becky repeated.
As she now looks back on the pre femdom part of their relationship she sees all of the signs associated with submissive male behavior. Instead of making decisions or plans of their own submissive men tend to wait for the woman in their life to orchestrate things. From what I have observed submissive men find a sense of security when women take the lead. Instead of being in the forefront of the conversation submissive men tend to listen when women are speaking. On a walk they prefer to place themselves just behind the lady they are accompanying. When going through a door way they will take a slight step ahead to open the door, but they want the lady to be the first one to enter the room. And yes, when properly trained they love the opportunity to hold a lady's coat or even her purse.
Not to long ago a lady asked me for a simple test to determine if a man was submissive. I told her to take her guy shopping, and have him hold her purse in the mall. If he does so without complaint he is probably submissive. Or better yet have him hold her purse while taking a long phone call. If he simply smiles after a long conversation about nothing he is probably submissive. Another young lady told me that she took her guy shopping. When they passed a plus size store with a sexy lingerie display she casually mentioned that he might look good in that. And yes, she told me that he got excited at the idea of wearing what they were looking at.
One of the habits Becky picked up has been to use her index finger as a signaling device to summon David. She did this she told me without even realizing it. 'Mom', she said 'you might be the blame for this habit'. We talk a lot on the phone. 'Instead of putting the phone down, I got in the habit of signaling him to come', she told me. Yes, of course, I thought-I do the same with John. Now, instead of telling him to come I simply waive my finger at him. Either way I told Becky a husband should be trained to keep his eyes focused on his wife's hands. Becky told me that she once slapped David for staring at a big 'titted' girl in the mall. 'Eyes down' she told him, and he apologized.
If something ever happened to my guy would I be open to another submissive man. Yes, of course. Would I seek a relationship with another submissive man. Probably not, but then this was a hypothetical question and who knows. For now I simply know that my guys teats me like a queen. His focus in life is on me, and I love him all the more for that. And sometimes we have a little kink in our lives. And if someone has criticism of this my answer is simply so what.
Hope you enjoy the blog, but keep commenting. Many of you have trouble finding the courage to share, but it is good to try.
Love,
Kathy
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
A Side Note..
Yes, of course, one of the comments was that the student becomes the teacher. And, it should be added that nothing creates more pride in the heart of a teacher than having a student who surpasses her in most every way. What Becky has confirmed to me is that femdom is about love, about family, and about commitment.
One of the other commenters seemed to suggest that boys have a way of growing older without really growing into maturity. There have been times when I have agreed with this statement. Friends will sometimes tell me that their husbands do nothing all day except watch what ever stupid game may be on the television. Yes, I think these so called men are really in an advanced state of adolescence.
In most situations I am not ready to mentally condemn men into some type of perpetual adolescence.
Men do develop, they do mature, but the process is slower than it is with women. At eighteen years of age Becky was more mature than most men in their twenties. She was serious about her career and her studies. She definitely was several years more advanced than her older brother. When the children were younger, and it was necessary to put one of them in charge, it was always my inclination to make it Becky. John has always felt that putting Becky in charge would cause conflict with an older bother, and he usually won out. Still though, on those adult nights out I would have felt more comfortable knowing that Becky was responsible for the house and in charge of her brother.
Over time men do mature in ways that are different than women. Their interest are different. They are often more protective. Even as my slave, my submissive or whatever term is hung on John, I still think of him as my protector. More than anything else I have been criticized for saying that most women, including myself, feel better about life with a male protector. It is not only about physical safety. We need a guy to talk with, to love, and in ways to keep us grounded. I have often used the expression to keep us safe from the storm.
A reader might ask how does this need for a protector blend in with femdom. The question might be asked why does a dominant woman need a male protector. In a conversation Becky once told me that she had learned to like being a mistress to her husband. Wanting a better understanding of what was on her mind, I asked Becky to tell me more. 'Mom', she said, 'since we started this femdom thing David has made me the center of his life'. 'Yes, he still thinks of work and stuff like that, but nothing is as important to him than me.' She went on to say that it was a very special feeling to having another person so completely devoted to her.
Many of the feeling she expressed to me were kind of the same as I had with John. Not when he first came home, but weeks and moths later as our relationship developed. It may sound crass to say it in this way, but as his training took hold and he understood more about being my submissive our relationship improved. To say this another way John learned more about what it took to please me, and he concentrated on doing a good job of it. He learned that pleasing a mistress means not only washing, ironing, and cleaning for her, it means serving her in whatever capacity she needs. And sometimes we just need a man to hold our hand and say he loves us.
Putting all of this in prospective men are different from women. The submissive man needs female control. He needs to know that she is holding his leash and is willing to pull it tight when the need arises. This past winter Becky and her family adopted a puppy. It was a sweet puppy, but it needed discipline and training. Becky repeated to me what the instructor told her about control. Throughout the walk, she said, make sure that the puppy understands you are boss. If the puppy jerks you or wants to chase after a cat don't hesitate to pull the leash tight. And, never remove the leash into you are safely within the confines of the fenced yard or house. In this way the puppy learns that there is never a time when it can run for freedom.
As Becky and I were having this conversation abut the new pet we both understood that it had broader implications for our lives.
Love, Kathy
One of the other commenters seemed to suggest that boys have a way of growing older without really growing into maturity. There have been times when I have agreed with this statement. Friends will sometimes tell me that their husbands do nothing all day except watch what ever stupid game may be on the television. Yes, I think these so called men are really in an advanced state of adolescence.
In most situations I am not ready to mentally condemn men into some type of perpetual adolescence.
Men do develop, they do mature, but the process is slower than it is with women. At eighteen years of age Becky was more mature than most men in their twenties. She was serious about her career and her studies. She definitely was several years more advanced than her older brother. When the children were younger, and it was necessary to put one of them in charge, it was always my inclination to make it Becky. John has always felt that putting Becky in charge would cause conflict with an older bother, and he usually won out. Still though, on those adult nights out I would have felt more comfortable knowing that Becky was responsible for the house and in charge of her brother.
Over time men do mature in ways that are different than women. Their interest are different. They are often more protective. Even as my slave, my submissive or whatever term is hung on John, I still think of him as my protector. More than anything else I have been criticized for saying that most women, including myself, feel better about life with a male protector. It is not only about physical safety. We need a guy to talk with, to love, and in ways to keep us grounded. I have often used the expression to keep us safe from the storm.
A reader might ask how does this need for a protector blend in with femdom. The question might be asked why does a dominant woman need a male protector. In a conversation Becky once told me that she had learned to like being a mistress to her husband. Wanting a better understanding of what was on her mind, I asked Becky to tell me more. 'Mom', she said, 'since we started this femdom thing David has made me the center of his life'. 'Yes, he still thinks of work and stuff like that, but nothing is as important to him than me.' She went on to say that it was a very special feeling to having another person so completely devoted to her.
Many of the feeling she expressed to me were kind of the same as I had with John. Not when he first came home, but weeks and moths later as our relationship developed. It may sound crass to say it in this way, but as his training took hold and he understood more about being my submissive our relationship improved. To say this another way John learned more about what it took to please me, and he concentrated on doing a good job of it. He learned that pleasing a mistress means not only washing, ironing, and cleaning for her, it means serving her in whatever capacity she needs. And sometimes we just need a man to hold our hand and say he loves us.
Putting all of this in prospective men are different from women. The submissive man needs female control. He needs to know that she is holding his leash and is willing to pull it tight when the need arises. This past winter Becky and her family adopted a puppy. It was a sweet puppy, but it needed discipline and training. Becky repeated to me what the instructor told her about control. Throughout the walk, she said, make sure that the puppy understands you are boss. If the puppy jerks you or wants to chase after a cat don't hesitate to pull the leash tight. And, never remove the leash into you are safely within the confines of the fenced yard or house. In this way the puppy learns that there is never a time when it can run for freedom.
As Becky and I were having this conversation abut the new pet we both understood that it had broader implications for our lives.
Love, Kathy
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