Punishment.

Thank all of you who took time to think about the topic and to post.

For the last week or so I have been away from the blog. The simple truth is that I am having difficulty thinking about it. Over the summer months  John and I detoxed from the internet. It was really a good feeling in a lot of ways. On our stays in campgrounds we had the opportunity to meet with people from all over. It was fun.

For those of you who are addicted to the internet and to blogs of any kind my advice is to remove your self from the computer. This advice is especially important for those of you who have a  mistress to serve. The computer is no substitute for real life. And for the ladies who read this blog, my advice it to get your guy off his computer. If there is nothing better to do send him to cooking school or to a sewing class.  (Or buy a pleated skirt and teach him to iron it).

The second part of the punishment series has been posted on the Thinktank blog. It is a well written post and it is my hope that each of you read it. Without going into detail there are two points that I would like to make. First, in a femdom marriage it is the wife's duty to punish. Second, as it says on the Think Tank posting, punishment can bring a couple closer together. It is difficult for women to understand, but men want to know that their wife-their mistress- will hold them accountable.  They want and they need the punishment. It is about who they are as people.  It is about their internal needs that make them who they are.

This morning John and I went to vote. We talked about the election and who was running for what. And yes, he voted the way I decided. As I read on the internet this election is really about the growth of female power in public life. Ten years ago I did not see this coming. It is my hope that all of you vote today. Whether you are republican, democrat, or independent it is my hope that you participate in the election process. And yes, vote for the candidate that your wife choses.

This past week we hosted a small meet and greet at our home. Only women were invited as either voters or as candidates. The idea was to talk about the issues that are important to women. The only male present was John who served wine and cheese to the ladies. It was something of a magic moment for him. As a submissive man charged with the responsibility of serving a group of women he was in his element. For me there was one embarrassing instance. Our neighbor asked John to bring her a glass of wine. He apparently answered with something like a 'yes mistress' remark. A little later Carol asked me about the comment. 'Why did John answer like that' she asked me. 'I can't imagine' I  responded.

Love  you all. Be good to yourselves, and especially to the lady in your life. If she allows you a privilege thank her. A privilege can be as simple as watching a ball game or as rewarding as kneeling in front of her. A privilege for my baby is being allowed to worship my feet which he does with intensity of  a while man.

Kathy

Punishment

For the most part I continue to look at life from the center of my little bubble. There are things that I get wrong and every so often there is something that I get right. Like everyone else I look at life's challenges from a certain prospective. For the most part I try not to be overly preachy, but living with a submissive husband tends to put the whip in my hand. It is not that I use a real whip, it is just that some men expect you to give them their marching orders. After a while it all seems so very normal that it tends to color all of your relationships and the way in which you do things.

It is time to talk about punishment. Too many marriages fail because the wife neglects her duties in this area. It is difficult to be more clear about this. A part of the duty of being a loving spouse in a femdom marriage is the obligation of punishment.  Punishment should not be gratuitous. It should only be handed out when there is reason for doing so. Without punishment there is a general lack of accountability for the husband. If there were no report card given in school would students strive for the best grades. Probably not. The lack of accountability in a relationships breeds mediocrity.

If there are no consequences why should a man try his hardest to please his mistress. If average effort is enough to get him by that is all he will do. But, if he observes mistress reaching for the whip you can be sure that he will take heed. Once again I use the whip word in kind of a symbolic way. It is importance for the male to understand what it is you expect from him. Of course we all want love and respect. Yet, femdom goes beyond that. From John I want obedience and a certain degree of service.
If I am going to take the lead in our marriage he is going to be the follower. He is the one who will be mopping floors and scrubbing toilets. He is the one who will be taking the orders. And, orders are orders not suggestions.

As mentioned on the Think Tank blog punishment is a difficult area for most women. The idea of punishing a grown man whom you love seems to go against the laws of nature. Yet, whether we realize it or not, we have all punished men at some time in our lives. The most common method is the silent treatment. How many of you have received this from of punishment  from the lady in your life.
She decides how long it will last, and it will usually last until you make amends. As a young teenager I understood the power of the silent treatment and used it on my dates. If a guy caused me to be upset for any reason it was a way of handling the situation. Weather I realized it or not the silent treatment was a way for me to exercise some control over the boy. Along with the silent treatment there was no good night hug and kiss.

As we grow into adult hood we continue to use the silent treatment along with denying the good night hugs and kisses to our guys. Does it still work. Yes, it does to a point. Yet, as a mistress there is the need for more direct control over the situation. There is a need for a firm way of letting your guy know  you are in charge of the situation and that his behavior is not acceptable. For a start you can tell him. On small matters the look on your face may be sufficient to send the signal. This is especially good in public situations where a verbal remark is out of place or embarrassing.

Once John and I were at a neighborhood party where his attentions to an attractive young lady gave me some concern. Pulling him to the side, 'you are going home' I told him. 'Why', he asked.
You know why I told him, but we will talk about it at home. And, give me the keys to the car. 'How will I get home' he asked. 'Walking', I responded. And, don't you dare call a cab, I told him.
'Do you understand me', I asked in a low tone of voice. He responded with a 'yes'. 'Yes what', I responded. 'Yes mistress' he answered with a slight bow of his head.

After John left I remained at the party for another hour or so until it ended. The party  was no longer fun, but I was not going to relinquish the high ground gained when sending John home. Although a neighborhood party it still took John most of an hour to walk the distance back to the house. It was my hope that the long walk with serve as a king of punishment. What I came to understand later was that the real punishment was the look on my face combined with the realization that he had disappointed me.

Why did this punishment work. It worked for two reasons. In that moment I had the confidence to act on his behavior. I was assertive. Pulling him aside and looking directly into his eye told him that I meant business. Very few men have the ability to resist authority from an assertive, confident woman. And, at that moment I had both of these assets working for me.

For some of you in the lifestyle this little punishment may have seemed mild. Yet, what I have come to realize was that John's acceptance of this punishment was an a act  of surrender. With those two words, yes mistress, he verbally yielded the traditional male role model. To put it another way his acceptance of punishment was a clear act of surrender to my will.

Love you all for reading and for sharing. Is this a topic in which we want to spend more time.
What I would like to know more about is how you feel when your wife or girlfriend punishes you.
How did you feel the first time she did so. As a grown man would you willingly accept punishment by a woman in your life?

Femdom Think Tank

There is an excellent posting on Femdom Think Tank this morning.

I recommend that all of you read it and take the time to thank Mistress Kaylee for contributing.

Love, Kathy

The Femdom Bubble

Almost always it is the comments that get me back to the blog.

While there were several good comments it was the one from Clarence that struck a nerve with me.
It may be that the better choice of words is that his comment stuck a chord. Either way the comment
caused me pause. Yes, it is true that I live in something of a femdom bubble. It is true that I know very few people who practice the lifestyle. And no, to the best of my knowledge I have never had the opportunity to meet or talk with a switch. And, while the comment did mention some of the harmful effects of feminism, I never really thought of my self as a feminist.

Returning from our travels political signs for the November elections could be seem sprouting like weeds thru-out our neighborhood. What is a bit surprising is that almost all of the signs are for female candidates. One or two of them are for women who live very close to us. Most of the candidates appear to be on the younger side. When I was a young woman it was most difficult for a female to run for any office. Now we are actively in the running for all political offices including the presidency. On a local level the women are crowding out the men. There is a general sense that the electorate is looking to put women in positions of power.

Am I happy about this? The simple answer is yes. I am happy about both the number of female candidates as well as the added diversity they are bringing to the election process. Does this make me a feminist? Yes, maybe it does. Do I look at life from something of a femdom bubble? Yes, of course I do. And, have I learned to like living as my husbands mistress?  In case any of you are wondering that would also be a yes.

And, to play all of this forward is there anything wrong with either feminism or with femdom.
Or, a better question might be is there anything right with feminism or femdom? Feminism, as well as
femdom are social movements that may drastically affect how men and woman interact.  While there are vast differences in these movements both result in empowerment for women. Feminism will lead to female power in the work place and society at large. Femdom will result in female authority in the home and family.

While I love men and love to be with most of them they need to shed some of the toxic masculinity that comes with the Y chromosome. Instead of taking pride in the warrior mentality they need to refocus attentions to a kinder and gentler world. The world would be a better place if every young bride was given a locking device for her guy, and taught how to use it. My guess is that most men would willingly submit to having their personal equipment under lock with the key in the hands of their wife.

What I see in the world is that men are waiting for women to take the lead. Men can not resist the power of a confident assertive woman who is willing to take charge. A gentlemen wrote to me not long ago who asked if I could guess the words he likes most of all to hear from his wife. No, it was not about having intercourse. It was simply 'its time to lock up' or 'you may take it off'.
He doesn't understand the why of it he told me, but he loves the fact that his mistress wife has this type of control over him. He felt like it made him into something of a better person-a more understanding person who was in touch with his infer self.

Love you all for reading and for sharing.


Kathy

No Good Solution

For the moment there is no good solution to the blog.

This past summer was spent traveling. John and I rented a very nice camper. We acted like  old retired people without a care in the world. We traveled north and south, east and west, and even to Europe. (Without the camper, of course)

While I missed you, the readers of Femdom 101, it felt so good to be away from the computer.
One of you wrote that he was addicted to the blog. Over the summer I came to realization that I was addicted to the computer. Yes, there is happiness in life away from the computer. Yes, there is happiness away from emails and the constant cell phone interruptions that have crept into our lives.

For the moment I am not sure what will happen to the blog. For over ten years it has been an important part of who I am.  And,  maybe the time has come for me to say good by to that phase of my life. In the ten years of doing Femdom 101 there have been so many changes. The femdom lifestyle has become something of a reality for many men instead of only a fantasy. For some men it should remain just that, a fantasy. Yet, there are those men, and those brave women, who have undertaken the journey to a new way of living. A  way of living where the cultural norms we grew up with have been turned upside down.

In a way both john and I want to be more open about who we are as a couple.
There are other times thought when we realize it is no one else's business, and there is no real advantage for more openness. For all of the social upstaging done on the blog, I am in many way a stickler for traditional values. 'What happens in the home should stay in the home', my mother would tell me. Yet, there have been times when I have wanted to test the waters. What would my neighbor, Carol think, if she knew that I was John's mistress. Would I louse her as a friend or as a confident.
Would the word get out in the neighborhood that John does what ever it is that I tell him to do.
How would the other men react to him. How would they react to me. Would they think of me as the  dominatrix next door.

A number of years ago we opened up to John's sister, and then our son and daughter. Some of you may recall the post in which his sister asked questions, and the decision was made to open up some of our life to her. It was on a beach trip.  John was sent to the bedroom so that his sister and I could  talk. She seemed to understand, but did she. If his parents had still been arrive what would they think, I wondered. What would Carol think if she knew that John was trained to drop to the floor at the snap of my fingers.

And, then I wonder if our type of relationship is too far beyond the pale of what most femdom marriages consider as acceptable. Once, I said that every young woman should have the opportunity to work at a place like the studio. Yes, of course, the studio was about money, but Tara taught the girls to care about the wellbeing of the clients. It was not just about 'soaking' them for the cash as much as it was about giving them the experiences they couldn't get at home. And, it was for this reason why the studio was so successful. The men wanted to come back. They even paid for the privilege of scrubbing floors and toilets.

It took me some time to understand the magic of the studio. At first I wondered why it was that  men were coming to this place where there was no sex. In fact, men were not ever allowed to 'touch' unless given permission. That rule went so far as they were not allowed to even kiss the shoes of a woman unless given permission. In the studio all females were considered women, while all males were considered boys. In later life I learned there was a lot of merit in that approach to the genders.
For too long society has considered males as the stronger more dominant sex.

Most of us want our husbands to be happy as well as content with their lives. From the studio experience I learned that keeping a man satisfied may sometimes mean a leash and a collar.
While this will sound sick or perverted to the uninitiated, a leash and collar is an effective way of letting a guy know you are the boss. And, letting a guy know you are the boss is a key to his happiness. One of the things I told my daughter is to never miss a day in which he has the opportunity to kneel, kiss your feet and pledge himself to you.

The best kept secret in the world is that most men are naturally obedient to women. Not only are they naturally obedient, they are natural servants to the woman who takes the time to train them. If I wanted to I could work John until he collapsed. If given the choice of freedom or of being a slave he would opt for the status of slave. Some of you may challenge me on this statement, but there is a power that we possess that is strong enough to control most men. If is up to us, as women, to use if for the good of our men and of the good of society.

Love you all for reading.


Kathy

I Am still here

Yes, thank all of you for the concern.

And, yes I will return to the blog. This summer John and I rented a camper and traveled around the United States and into Canada. Our adventure is not yet finished.

What I can tell you is that the detachment from conventual life, and especially detachment from computers felt wonderful. We have met so many people. We have shared dinners and cocktails with people all across America. We have witnessed  beautiful sunsets against the western sky. We have crossed deserts and mountain ranges. On occasion we have even slept under the stars.

If all goes well we will return in a few weeks. And yes, my in box has over a thousands emails that have not been returned.

I do miss all of you.


Love,


Kathy

All For Love

This will be my last posting for several weeks.

This is the time of year when John and I go traveling. A part of the plan is to spend some quality time with both out children, and once again become acquainted with our grand children. Beyond that we expect to drive through many-many American states, and at least a couple of Canadian provinces. We are both looking forward to the freedom that comes with the open road. We may also do some camping in the Canadian Rockies.

Being your husband's mistress may not be something that most women aspire to, but for me it is a very satisfying experience that I have come to appreciate. Yes, there is the freedom that comes from being your own woman; from not having to answer to anyone. From time to time it is fun to remind your guy that he answers to you, not you to him. It is also a special treat to know that he appreciates being your submissive, doing as told when and how he is told. As Key mentions in his book he learns to do things Her way, and Her way intrinsically becomes his way. If you want to take a job you take it. If you want to quit the job you quit. The simple truth is that I have come to like being in control of my own destiny. Truthfully, a husband has no need to know how much money you have in the bank, or how you  decide to spend it. And, he is best taught that this is none of his business unless you want him to know, and there are times when I do.

As for John he may not always like doing what he is told, but he does like the idea of having a mistress wife who more or less directs things. This past Saturday night we booked a table at a nice restaurant.  The decision for him to dress up in a  spot coat with a tie was mine. When he started to complain about wearing the tie, I gave him the look that  reminded him of who is the boss and of who is the submissive. There was then a 'yes ma'am' accompanied by a little curtsy that told me that he received the message. And yes, I like to be with men who are well dressed. Dressing up nicely for a dinner or any type of outing is a way for a man to show respect for his lady. Even as a teenager I liked boys in suits. Once a boy picked me up for a date wearing a very nice coat and tie. In the car I gave him a  little  peck of a kiss. 'What is that for', he asked. For dressing up so nicely', I responded. Yes, even back then I liked the idea that he was dressing up for me. And yes, if anyone wants to know I select all of John's clothes.

But, to truly understand the femdom experience, and what it means to a woman you have go beyond the idea of having a man submit to your authority. You need to go beyond the idea of having a man in your service. To understand femdom from a female prospective you need to appreciate the intimacy that comes with the femdom experience. 'Tell me what you are thinking', I say to John. Yes, tell me what you are thinking about this minute', I will repeat to him. And yes, our relatisnhip is such as he will honestly and clearly tell me what he is thinking. A little while back we were out with another couple who are in a female directed relationship. A very young, pretty, and shapely girl walked
by with her date. Like most well behaved men John understood to turn his head away from her. 'Would you like to look at her', I asked. 'Yes', was his honest reply. 'Well, you may look for a moment or two, but no staring' I told him. The other lady- my friend- told her guy he couldn't look.
'You are so liberal with him', my friend remarked. All four of us shared a laugh, but I did notice that
the other gentlemen kept his head down.' Some of you may remember Liz from the early part of the blog. She was a mentor to me, and to this day remains so.

Most of you have heard the expression two hearts beating as one. In a way this is femdom. A uniquely personal relationship with another individual based on love and caring. In a sense a wife brings hippieness to a man by completing him, by making him into whole person. A mistress wife understands that in the absence of female authority a man is not complete. Like mosses in the desert some men will wonder for years looking for that perfect person who will complete his life. While they may not realize it many of these men are looking for women who have the inner strength to lead them to the promised land.  In a real sense these men are looking for the woman who has the mental strength to place a collar and leash around their neck, clamp it closed, and claim them as a the most personal of their processions.


Love, Kathy