Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Thanksgiving 2017

Thank all of you for the love and support during the year.

It is my hope this this blog has made some positive contribution to the lives of each and every one of you. For most men the femdom lifestyle creates challenges, but also adds to the richness of their lives. The same can be said for women, but the challenges and the rewards are different.

For women as well as men femdom offers a lifestyle of both commitment and of deep intimacy. A style of life which is truly unique and pleasing in varied ways. As Becky said we disconnected from the way we used to live and never looked back. And, 'do you ever regret it', I asked. 'No mom, we never regretted it' was the response. 'Yes, there were challenges to overcome', she told me, 'but the relationship is really based on caring'. 'Too much emphasis is placed on the idea of punishment' she once said to me.

One of things we agreed on was that the various blogs place far too much emphasis on the wife's obligation to punish. Yes, a wife's willingness to punish is a part of femdom, but so is love and caring. A submissive husband who demonstrates devotion to his wife and family on a day to day basis is a treasure. A husband who values intimacy is a special angel whom a woman can connect with in a spiritual as well as physical way.

Most of the blogs dwell on the obligations of the husband to his wife. What the blogs seem to neglect is the role of the husband as a father and role model for children. Even men with adult daughters want to keep the idea that mom is  head of family and his personal mistress as some sought of national secret. Why, I ask men such as I'm hers and others who openly blog about femdom's positives but neglect to share with their adult children. Femdom is not about sex unless you want to make it that way. Why is it that so many men want to deny that sense of richness to their adult children.

Having a an openly submissive father in law was the stimulus for David coming out to Becky. Even for them the transition from vanilla to femdom was a challenge. One day, Becky says, that femdom may become almost as vanilla as apple pie and ice cream, but she acknowledges that day is still far into the future. Becky reads the blog. What she tells me is that I put too much emphasis on the bristled hairbrush. She says I should talk more about how the children love David-how he tells them stories and how he plays with them. And yes, she says, the children do see David as well as her as authority figures in their lives. The difference in femdom is that the family is put ahead of work, ahead of sports on the television, and other distractions that tend to isolate fathers from the family. This is a part of femdom that each of you should give special thought to over the upcoming holidays.

In Becky's home David is not allowed to turn the television on without  permission. This is true for  sports programs as well as cartoons for the children. In her opinion the television should not be used as a baby sitter. She favors active activities for the children rather than the passivity of siting in front of a TV screen. David respects and supports her decision in this matter as well as other decisions about how the home is run. Does she give him a say, yes. Does she value his opinion, yes. Is the final decision on all household matters hers, yes. Is David expected to support her on all decisions, yes. And, like most men does David sometimes pout? Yes, Becky tells me. And, how does she handle pouting. A quick snapping of the fingers putting him in Command Position usually does the trick she says. The best way to handle male poutines in most homes  is simply by reminding the guy that you are the boss. There is no easier way to remind your guy of your authority than by putting him in Command Position. Becky will use a word or two with this tool, but there is generally no need to scream of shout. The simple physical act of falling to the floor upon the wife's command is usually enough to put an end to any pouting or rebellion. In the home submissive men want to be assured that female authority is supreme. Enough said.

On a visit to their home last year a sister asked David if they could turn on the television for the children. 'I will ask Becky' he replied to the sister. The sister now understands that Becky not David is the person to ask. 'Does this bother David', I ventured . 'No', was the reply. She went on to say that David has no problem with letting his family know that his wife makes the decisions and controls the household finances. He has learned to be what she calls a proud submissive man. In some ways this is the new age male that we have occasionally talked about on the blog. Yes, he acknowledges 'She' controls his permissions, and is proud to offer that they both want it that way. It is not something that 'She' forces on him. And, for David she always comes with a capital 'S' for she is his his mistress; the woman he lives to serve, and the love of his life. What I suspect is that many young men would be tremendously envious of the life he lives under Becky's control. Is there a sexual component of femdom? Yes, of course. Is femdom about sex? No, not really, at least in my view. And, as support for this is my belief that many men become more submissive with age as the sex drives tends to diminish.

One of the things Becky loves to see is young fathers carrying diaper bags and feeding their children in public spaces. No, they can't breast feed, but they can give the bottle, and mistress wives should expect their husbands to do more of this she tells me. This is not the type of activity that makes for exciting femdom reading, or causes Alex to melt, but it is a reality of femdom life. Femdom is not just about foot messages. Yes, as in spankings there may be foot messages from time to time, but giving these is more of a male priority that something that most wives crave or even have time for.
What femdom is about is a way of life in which a wife has control over her husband. Her decisions determine what is right for him and what is wrong for him. Her decisions determine what church the family will attend and when. She may also determine more mundane matters such  as what television programs to watch. For the deeply submissive husband she may in fact become the earthly representative of his God. A husband's simple curtsy to his wife is kind of a symbol of her spiritual presence in his life. She is only a person, but to him She is often something of a goddess.

For all of you in America it is my hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
Your wife may not be the mistress of your dreams, but she is the lady that you chose to marry. Remember to honor her on this holiday. There is more to Thanksgiving than turkey and football.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing.



Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,
There is everything you have taught us in one post. Thank you and I am Thankful for you and Mistress Becky this Thanksgiving.

Ur Bobo

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I want to tell you my opinion in a very respectful way that doesn't contradict yours. I draw wisdom from you, and am not saying you are wrong but I have a different perspective that I want to share.

I *LOVE*, absolutely *LOVE* everything that is feminine. I love soccer moms, I love cooking, family values and many other things. Please stop thinking of me as a "typical male". My reaction when I was first reading about Ms. Becky saying she likes to see husbands carrying diaper bags a few months ago was to get something akin to "feeling wet down there", and I am sorry to be so graphical. However, I feel it is very important to explain that even the sexual component of Femdom, to me, is enhanced and not detracted from this type of Female Dominant expectations. Because I LOVE, LOVE role reversal.

I think I get you when you say Femdom is about family. I think I get you when you say it's not just whips, chains and punishments.

You know what the problem is for me? When I feel the whips, punishments and hairbrushes will be neglected. It feels horrible, because it feels like it's just a game... well, I don't really know exactly why. So I love to hear a lot about them.

(to be continued, by Alex)

Anonymous said...

(continuation, by Alex)

But that is NOT to say what attracts me about Femdom is mainly that. In fact, whereas I love spanking and anything physical, mostly for me it's the role reversal, the Matriarchy, the Woman turning her sub into a "soccer mom" type. I don't know if I would like to change diapers, and I am supposing I won't love it too much. But the ONE thing I'd like about it is to feel subjected to Mistress submissively doing it and if there is anything male in me left then the role reversal of it all.

I hope you understand how melting I feel just reading about your typical "soccer mom" things, about family and households and Female chiefs of household and the such. I hope you understand I'm not just into the typical things that it would seem from your post that you think I am.

Why else do you think I spend my time in a blog with no pictures (I hate porn), by a Woman who has a daughter older than me, and who talks a lot about that stuff?

I just wanted to let you know it's because you can't help it, you rule, you're sexy no matter how you talk about Femdom and you totally beat the blogs with pictures of women beating boys and locking their ****es up in chastity cages.



Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

My tribute to American culture:

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for American Women as Ms. Kathy and Ms. Becky (and Ms. Sandra, are you American?) and others I have left out

I am thankful for every time Ms. Kathy finally works up the nerve to post on her blog.

Gigi said...

Sorry, I know it's getting long here, but I wanted to add something to my long 2-part post above.

You know why I am in your blog so much?

Because it's about Femdom AS A LIFESTYLE. Not as a fantasy or a way to have sex. It's not porn. It's not all those things.

It's about how to LIVE in a Femdom FAMILY where the Woman rules. That's why. And that's what makes it incredibly sexy.

And that's what also explains why your posts about fear, hairbrushes and spankings can melt me like an ice cream in the desert at 1 PM. Because they come together with posts like this about diapers and permissions about watching TV. Because it's the combination of the "Soccer Mom" personality with Her authority, whether it's because we capitalize Her or because she spanks, her love and the fear she instills, that allows it to be a lifestyle, but not just any lifestyle but about love, family, discipline, tears and hot sex.

I kind of wished I had something like that for me. Maybe I've been too scared to make it happen. But it's you mainly that has convinced me to finally give it a go. And become some Lady's property. And I think it will soon happen.

Anonymous said...


Without question your Thanksgiving posting is by far the finest piece of writing I have ever read that so completely understands and describes the quality of a relationship between a man and Woman that can develop, grow and be enjoyed within a sincere femdom and/or flr relationship.

You touched just about every thought and emotion that I harbor and know so well; that can be found, at least for me, when my true submissive self is allowed to see the light of day rising to the service and pleasure of my wife of nearly 50 years now.

I found myself nodding my head in understanding about the commitment; the intimacy; about the submissive husband being a true loving partner in all aspects…father, protector, lover, bread winner; while still being allowed and helped by his “dominant” wife to fulfill his one and only desire: to simply devote his entire life to serve the Woman he loves.

You are so right about the richness a female led marriage can bring to the relationship, and the depth that can follow. I have only experienced for short times in my life….the longest about six months…but it was enough to recognize the truth in what you say….and to long for a return of this level of love and devotion to the Woman I love.

Thank you so much for this Thanksgiving posting.


Kathy said...

Before posting comments I would like to make one of my own. A part of this posing was actually inspired by the last I'm Hers posting and a related comment. No part of this posting was meant as a criticism of either him or his blog. It is really my favorite blog, and I love his writing. As I have said in the past I can usually tell determine a man that I would like to kiss by the way he writes, and I'm Hers would certainly be on the top of that very short list. So here is an internet kiss and hug to I'm Hers and the gentlemen who posted the first comment. It was vic I believe. I would look it up, but we are late for our ride to the airport. We are flying today. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.


James said...

Mistress Kathy,

First, a very happy holiday to you and your fellow Americans at a time that I know is particularly important to all families in the US - I do hope that some, if not all, of the work and chores that are entailed at a time of celebration will be awarded to the men in your household!

Your emphasis on the family in the context of a female-led household is so timely. I am absolutely seen as a figure of love and stability by our children, although there is never any doubt in their minds about who to approach for a final decision on something. The female-led aspect of our household is not advertised above our front door, but it is tacitly acknowledged by all members of it.

Children, even boisterous, sometimes moody teenagers such as ours, need time and attention from their parents. One of the earliest rules that my wife imposed was that after a certain time in the evening (usually between six and seven o'clock) my computer was to be turned off for the rest of the day and my time given exclusively to domestic matters. Like David in your blog, I am not permitted to switch on the television or any other media stream without my wife's express permission to do so.

This is what lies at the heart of a true female-led relationship, not the punishment-led obsession that some people (with however many identities) mistake for the real thing. Loving authority is the point, far more than fantasy fulfilment, which has its place, undoubtedly, but some way down the list of priorities. Respect, obedience, tolerance, guidance, patience, forbearance, and just occasionally (from the male of the household), silence might also be added to the list of things that precede punishment in the pecking order.

If we, multiple guises and all, could treat obedience to a loving and beloved woman as the true heartbeat of an FLR, with punishment merely a remedy to cure any condition that threatens to endanger the good of that heart, it might be helpful in taking the responses to Mistress Kathy's posts more in the direction that she would seem to be seeking.

An FLR, to adapt an old quote, is not just for the bedroom but for every aspect of life.

Enjoy your vacations, one and all.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kathy, what you said in your post hits home in so many ways. I would do anything, anything... to find a woman such as your daughter to control bring me into loving female authority. Nothing in life is more important and wonderful than to serve and obey the perfection that is the female gender. I am currently working hard, to excel in my profession so that when the time comes, I will be able to have the financial resources to serve and lavish my yet to be found wife with a life of leisure. The life of your son in law David is the gold standard that I have always been yearning for, needing. True happiness and joy is when I obey the sacred voice of my wife. True bliss and peace is when I am allowed the greatest privilege of submitting to the will of my wife.

Edward said...

This is without a doubt the most beautiful piece of literature I have read on Femdom 101, and I am sure I have read most of the postings. This is a lifestyle I could only dream of living, and I know it will never happen for me. David is most certainly blessed to have Becky. I am sure living this lifestyle, or becoming accustomed to it would be difficult to say the least.

I love Alex's description the best. I would love to become the soccer mom of the family. Carrying the baby, and the diaper bags, or preparing dinner in advance for the family, before taking a seven year old daughter to ballet practice. Thank you Kathy, for being a pillar for your family, and for all the hours you have spent on this blog.

Gigi said...

I am starting to stop resisting. If any of you understand the law of attraction, you know what that means. So for me it means reading male comments and even visiting some male blogs and yes, even embracing my male identity. -- All that was said to say I read your post.

So yes, soccer moms are the sexiest thing and the beauty is that you can be one for an accomplished Superior Wife through the magic of FLR! I would love it if it could just be a normal thing, to be a Woman's _____ (fill in with any gender role reversal like "housewife", "soccer mom", "trophy wife", "eye candy" or even roles that are not necessarily relationship related like "secretary" or, not for the faint of heart and probably just for fantasy but "molested" or "rape victim"! Because hey, if psychologists say a huge percentage of Females fantasize about these things then doesn't role reversal include fantasy roles too? Anything wrong with that?)

I've discovered something. For me what Femdom provides to me is the magic of creating a world of Femininity where I am absorbed and litteraly allow myself to drown in Femininity and Female-everything. Letting go of my ego and just drowning into that is the most amazing experience ever and it's so liberating that it's even worth being enslaved for.

I think that sums up all of Femdom to me. The rest, punishments or love or anything else is just a high resolution picture of what I have explained looks in the world. Because all that is my inner Girl's voice and Her legitimate right to lead my world for She, me, am my own Queen.

Gigi said...

And yes, Gigi is Alex

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

If we are super good can we please have at least 1 more post from the "A Sense of Fear" series? Is there anything we can do to make that happen???????

Anonymous said...

My wife loves me, understand me, and most of all she is in charge, this I like the most. My life could not be better. I will admit when I'm given a spanking I protest, say it is not fair, she just spanks harder. It is facing the wall afterwards I know she is right and sitting on her lap as she explains that spankings are just another form of Love I hug her tight and say I was sorry for being naught. She accepts and tell me to get ready for my bath and early bed time, this relationship works because of her, I'm very, very lucky to have such a wife.

Anonymous said...

For love of a Mistress

No talking now, I walked. I couldn't even feel the sweat in my hands. My dress was lovely, my legs freshly waxed as where my genitals and every part of me. I rehearsed this in my head so many times, since I was a teen or so, in so many different settings. Yet, for some reason, it was just so different from this. I was more nervous than excited. My veil covered my face, and I knew I looked lovely in my dress but kind of wished I looked even lovelier. I couldn't smell my own perfume, maybe because I was holding the flowers too close to my nose.

I walked. My fiancé gave me one good piece of advice for the night; shine, be seen, but do not be heard. She will do the talking. She will lead.

The rabbi was waiting. The Chupah was set. My fiancé, now to be my wife, unveiled me as I approached her. She said the words, gave me the ring, and I was finally hers. As it was happening it felt like days. Since it happened it felt like instants. She owned me.

We are now in our room. We are not that religious so my Wife Mistress will allow me to not cover my hair, but I still have to for the remainder of the wedding out of respect to her parents, who prefer it that way.
That was actually my request, since I knew it would please her. I will always please her.

She approaches me. She takes off my dress and bites me.

I am Kosher meat.

My Mistress's kosher meat.


Kathy said...

Well, Alex, I know that is a fantasy of yours, and thank you for sharing it with us.
From everything you have shared with me, it is my belief that you might make a wonderful wife for the right woman. However, it is also necessary to separate the fantasy from the reality.

What I suspect is that the reality of walking down the isle in a beautiful dress would be a lot different than the fantasy. In real life some things need to stay as fantasies, and there is nothing wrong with that. Fantasies have a purpose. In a sense they enrich our lives. Yet, the reality of wearing a pretty dress in front of your family may be a great deal different.

One of the good things about places such as the studio is that they can bring fantasies to life. (At least for a short time). In the studio there was an older man, retired, who was often assigned the task of assisting me in most any way that I needed him. He would take care of my shoes, my clothes, and even help me dress. He would wait and wait just for the opportunity of helping me with some small chore. On rainy days one of his duties was to meet me at the car with an umbrella. On this one day he went to the wrong location. I had to walk in the rain holding my own umbrella, and even worse, got some grass on my shoes. Can you imagine the horror of it all.

Arriving at the studio I was truly angry. This twit of a houseboy went to the wrong place.
My anguish was real, not pretend. Arriving at the studio a few minutes later the house boy had this fearful look on his face. Without any command to do so, he immediately dropped to the floor in front of me. His submission only served to fuel my anger at his incompetence.
In that angry mood I ordered him to lick the grass off my shoes. As he was licking Tara gave me a little giggle. 'You really are becoming a mistress,' she said.

As this little man was performing his duty on my shoes it was time for me to get ready for a client. Instead of simply telling him to stop, I gave him a light, but humbling kick to his face. 'Come', I commended to him. He then followed me (hands and knees) to the changing room. The strange thing is that after only a short time of working in the studio this type of behavior, both mine and his, seemed completely normal. Yet, in the real world away from the studio I wondered if either one of us could live like this? Could I really treat a husband in this manner? What kind of a man would really want to live like this gentlemen?

As John and I resumed living together those were the type of questions that we both had to sought out in some real world way. We needed to separate the reality of femdom living from the fantasy. I quickly understood that the kennel had its purpose in the short term, but it was not part of a real life marriage. I also understood that it was good to keep a locked collar of some type on teddy. And yes, in the real world punishment of some type serves a very useful purpose. In the real world John would be most uncomfortable wearing a dress in a public place as I would be having him do it. Yet in private it can be fun to have a guy dress up pretty for you on play days or on days when he is doing chores. There are friends of mine who have their husbands in little French maid costumes and show them off when we meet for coffee and girl talk. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is a more of a fantasy than a reality. This is especially true in young families.

I hope this long rambling comment makes some sense.

Love you baby for sharing that fantasy with us.


Love, Kathy

When I arrived at the studio

beta said...

"my belief that many men become more submissive with age as the sex drives tends to diminish."
NOT a belief. True in my case, and I have no doubt that many, many other men experience the same.