Thursday, November 9, 2017

A Side Note

Once again a big thank you to all of those who were kind enough to share.

I believe it was Joel who asked an interesting question. Is femdom actually a good thing for the submissive male. In my opinion yes, it is a good thing, because femdom gives men something they not only want but need. A question than becomes does it make them overly dependent on the lady who owns them. And yes, over time femdom does seem to cause a great deal of dependency.  If femdom is with the 'right' lady my thinking it is fine. There is potential for abuse. After a time a so called life partner may no longer have her submissive mans best interest at heart. And, the potential for financial abuse is apparent to all.

One of the commentates mentioned how his pay check is quickly removed to a bank account in which he has no control. Most mistress wives consider every penny their husbands earn as their property to do with as they wish. I agree with this philosophy. There is no valid reason for a man to have access to any type of bank account. If the need for money comes up for whatever reason he should ask his wife. It then becomes her decision. And there are situations where by a husband may need money for one reason or the other. It may be to help an elderly parent, or to help family members with college expenses. In difficult situations the wife should listen, but in the end all financial decisions are hers.

Femdom provides the truly submissive man with the kind of life he wants and needs. This is not to say there will be total happiness in the land of Valhalla.( Did I spell that word correctly, I am not sure.) Femdom is not about giving a man all that he wants. Yes, in the beginning he wants to serve his lady. After a year or so of making beds and scrubbing toilets the initial excitement of doing house work can turn into simple drudgery. Becky has learned that this is where discipline plays an important part in the relationship. With the word discipline I am talking about a systems of rules and protocols by which a man lives.

By discipline lets take a look at my John. Almost every day of the week he has some duties to perform in our home. Friday is his day to clean our bedroom, wash and change the bed sheets, vacuum, clean the mistress bathroom, and finally dust. Over the years John has accepted this as one of his household duties. Yet, he has been doing it for a long time. In the beginning there was a sense of excitement about performing this duty for his mistress. That same excitement may no longer  be there. In the real world of a mistress/slave relationship the question is how to  keep a man attentive to his duties?

For this mistress a big part of keeping her husband on 'track' is a careful inspection of his work.
The inspection will always come with a critique. And, in this home the husband understands that if his house hold work is not up to standards he will be doing it again. Our king size bed has a heavy mattress, and it is close to a large piece of  furniture. The end result is that changing the sheets is a bit of a difficult job, and John hates doing it. He also understands that if it is not done correctly I have no hesitation of pulling off the sheets for him to start over again. After one episode when the bedroom work was overly sloppy I had him change the sheets every day for a week.
I am not sure if you should call this discipline or punishment, but it caused him to do a better job of serving me. It also reminded him that even as an older man and a long term submissive he is still my slave. After years of training and discipline John understands that he is an owned man and will be so for the rest of his life.

In the early part of Becky's femdom relationship I encouraged her to give David more household duties. He is so busy she would tell me. Yes, he may be busy, but I suspected that he has time for more, and additional responsibilities would be good for both of you. And, what she did correctly was not only to give him more duties, but to pay attention to what he was doing. 'You know, mom, it helps a lot if I inspect his work', she told me. 'He takes more ownership of what he does when I do a careful evaluation,' I remember hearing. She also understood that inspection and evaluation made David's brain work in different ways. 'It makes him want to do what he is supposed to do', she once mentioned to me. She also told me that he feared the hairbrush with the stiff bristles. What I heard was that he will do almost anything to keep those hard bristles from coming down on his rear end.

Becky correctly understood that motivating David was a mixture of positive rewards combined with
a sense of fear. From an early age she understood that a man's sense of fear of his girlfriend, wife, or mistress was a good thing. In high school she learned to creat a sense of apprehension in boys by not returning calls or by having them wait while she got ready. As a mistress wife she quicly learned the value of a hairbrush in maintaining authority. It is very seldom that she has to use it, but the sight of it on her make up vanity is sufficient to send a daily reminder to David that she is still the boss. While this may seem cruel to some of you, Becky understands that this everyday reminder is a good thing for David because it is what he needs.

Love you all  for reading and for sharing,



Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy. What a lovely post. I would only add to your last sentence that not only does a David "need" Becy's discipline, I think he also loves and thrives under her discipline. It is after all " loving female domination". Thank you for all you have shared with us submissive men and ladies who are growing in their confidence and leadership.

Anonymous said...

I used to treat the paddle thing as so what but my wife purchased a cane and I do fear it and her even though I’m twice her size. We tried our relationship without such physical measures but I never felt owned until now. The hair brush would make me think twice. Thanks Kathy. Seve NZ

Anonymous said...

You’re right. Creating an atmosphere of fear through beatings with the bristle side of a hairbrush seems very cruel and heartless.

No spoise should allow him or herself to be deprived access to the finances. Nothing could create e greater potential for abuse than having no access to the resources to leave if your spouse becomes abusive. Don’t let your fantasies let you set yourself up for exploitation and abuse.

Anonymous said...

You’re right. Creating an atmosphere of fear through beatings with the bristle side of a hairbrush seems very cruel and heartless.

No spoise should allow him or herself to be deprived access to the finances. Nothing could create e greater potential for abuse than having no access to the resources to leave if your spouse becomes abusive. Don’t let your fantasies let you set yourself up for exploitation and abuse.

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy. Firstly, thank you for your wonderful blog. I really struggled with being a submissive man and releasing control to my Wife/Mistress. I don't know if it was right to be submissive and live in a FemDom marriage, to the point I fully discounted it one day and said to my Wife that their was no way I could do it. Now, the worse point about my statement that day was the fact that it was l that brought this lifestyle choice to the marriage with my Wife being in your situation at the start of being on the outside looking in to FemDom. She learnt how to be a Mistress and took my submission because she loves me and we are married. She changed her out look of life, the way that husband and wife interact and started this journey down a FemDom marriage, only for me to pull the rug away. What an idiot!

We lived a vanilla life which I thought I would be happy with and we carried on still very much in love. However, I soon discovered that I need FemDom, I need to feel the control of a women and I feel the happiest when I am kneeling at my Mistresses feet. Simply, I don't know why submission feels right, all I know is it does! I went, back again, to my Wife and asked her to be my Mistress and she said yes. We are now living in FemDom Marriage V5 and it's going well.

Asked if FemDom is good for the bloke, I'd say it doesn't matter. I need FemDom as a submissive man and by being in a FemDom marriage I am happy and therefore it must be good.

Ms Kathy, thanks again for your blog and stories of yourself and Ms Becky. You really normalise this lifestyle, that's more of a problem with me than the FemDom scene, and make it something that is achievable in a loving marriage.


Kathy said...

Just a quick note to than all of you for sharing.

What I can tell you is that femdom feels very different on the inside than it appears from the outside. This blog is more about a way of living rather than a way of playing, but there are times when we all need a little bit of play. And, in so many ways femdom is about love. It is about a wife that doesn't really understands why her guy needs it, but wants him to feel happy and content with life. And, I do believe that some men 'thrive' by living under the authority of a woman in a long term relationship.

As I write this comment my husband is working in our bedroom. A few minutes ago he brought the bed sheets down to the laundry for wash. He is now cleaning the shower and in a few minutes will be moving on to the toilets. While he no longer finds this type of work exciting it serves a purpose. It reminds him that he is a slave and must due what his mistress demands. He understands that serving me as a maid adds value to our relationship.
His service is part of the bonds that hold our relationship together.

Also, I want to again thank John Barham for sharing a little more of his story. Unfortunately, his last comment was attached to an earlier posting where most of you will miss it. I would like to invite him back to share more of his story with us. I want John to know that his views on femdom are different than most of you, but he is most welcome on this blog. I want him to know that this is a safe place for him to express himself.
So thank you, John, please come back. You are most welcome here. Love, Kathy

Anonymous said...

The only person commenting on these recent posts who appears to be both mentally ill, and also incredibly rude, is John Barham. It's always easy to hurl insults at others while hiding behind anonymous posts.


John Barham said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Financial dependence is the best fetter. This has proven itself over centuries. Be it the serfs of the kings, the slaves of the southern states or the convicts on galleys.
A thought, after all. What should happen to a husband slave if he can no longer earn money due to illness or an accident? Divorce? Dismissal?