Just a short note to thank all of you who were kind enough to post. Well, 'kind enough' may not be the best choice of words. Half of you believe that I am something of an angel while the other half consider me to be some kind of a devil in a red dress. What I believe is that the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes.
To a large extent the journey from soccer mom to mistress was one of the most difficult times of my life. By saying this I am not looking for sympathy. It left me angry, depressed, and with feelings of inadequately. The question continued to come back to me in ways that there was no good answer. Why, I asked, did John feel the need to find the dominance he needed by the hand of a paid mistress. The truth of course was simply that I would never understand. Many of you who read this blog have the same attitude toward your wife. You are afraid to open up to her. You compensate for your fear by searching other outlets. Some of you may resort to paid professionals, but most of you confine your needs to the internet. Most often you are searching for blogs much like this one.
Over the last few weeks commenters have made statements to the effect that my husband was at one time kenneled and that he was forced to eat some of the pages from his collection of femdom magazines. In a court of law I would probably have to plead guilty to these things and more. And if you think discussing these things with Becky was easy, well guess again. It is true that coming home I didn't know how to deal with John. I wanted him back in our home, and back in our bedroom, but. And, there was a big but because there had to be something of half way point between living away and returning to our bedroom. How do you tell a man you are angry, but that you still love him. How do you tell a man he caused you so much pain, but you still love him. How do you forgive him and go on with life. How do you make sure he will never see another paid mistress again?
And, when all is said and done how do you deal with the remaining guilt. One way is to be the best mistress you can be. Firm, disciplined, and loving all at the same time. And yes, control the money and know what he is doing, and whom he is doing it with. Another way to handle the guilt is to share your story in the form of a femdom blog. To give courage to others to speak up. To help women understand what it means when their husband says I need you to control me. None of us are perfect. John understands that he messed up big time by going to Tara, and her girls. Back at home the kennel from the little shop in the By-water, and the magazines were meant as punishments. But these were punishments that sent a message. 'You are mine, you belong to me. I am your mistress now and your only mistress'.
Some of you may think that I can be a nasty bitch, and on that score you are correct.
Love and Kisses,