Monday, November 13, 2017

A Sense Of Fear..Tough Love

Just a short note to thank all of you who were kind enough to post. Well, 'kind enough' may not be the best choice of words. Half of you believe that I am something of an angel while the other half consider me to be some kind of a devil in a red dress. What I believe is that the truth lies somewhere between the two extremes.

To a large extent the journey from soccer mom to mistress was one of the most difficult times of my life. By saying this I am not looking for sympathy. It left me angry, depressed, and with feelings of inadequately. The question continued to come back to me in ways that there was no good answer. Why, I asked, did John feel the need to find the dominance he needed by the hand of a paid mistress. The truth of course was simply that I would never understand. Many of you who read this blog have the same attitude toward your wife. You are afraid to open up to her. You compensate for your fear by searching other outlets. Some of you may resort to paid professionals, but most of you confine your needs to the internet. Most often you are searching for blogs much like this one.

Over the last few weeks commenters have made statements to the effect that my husband was at one time kenneled and that he was forced to eat some of the pages from his collection of femdom magazines. In a court of law I would probably have to plead guilty to these things and more. And if you think discussing these things with Becky was easy, well guess again. It is true that coming home I didn't know how to deal with John. I wanted him back in our home, and back in our bedroom, but. And, there was a big but because there had to be something of half way point between living away and returning to our bedroom.  How do you tell a man you are angry, but that you still love him. How do you tell a man he caused you so much pain, but you still love him. How do you forgive him and go on with life. How do you make sure he will never see another paid mistress again?

And, when all is said and done how do you deal with the remaining guilt. One way is to be the best mistress you can be. Firm, disciplined, and loving all at the same time. And yes, control the money and know what he is doing, and whom he is doing it with. Another way to handle the guilt is to share your story in the form of a femdom blog. To give courage to others to speak up. To help women understand what it means when their husband says I need you to control me. None of us are perfect. John understands that he messed up big time by going to Tara, and her girls. Back at home the kennel from the little shop in the By-water, and the magazines were meant as punishments. But these were  punishments that sent a message. 'You are mine, you belong to me. I am your mistress now and your only mistress'.

Some of you may think that I can be a nasty bitch, and on that score you are correct.

Love and Kisses,



Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

If you are a nasty bitch then nasty bitches aren't too bad after all. You have said beforethat it'd be a pleasure to own me. It'd be a pleasure to be owned by you. It's hard to say it out loud because it's deeply humiliating. But yes, it'd be a pleasure to melt in submission to you and be owned by you. After all, you were the one who told me that too much liberty confuses me. Nobody had ever been so domineering and direct with me, but you could and you still can. And it made me blush, but it also made me feel like an ice cream melting at your feet in the desert, sumissively. I'm confused, Ms. Kathy. Can you help me make some sense out of things?



Wishful4 said...

Mistress Kathy,

This blog post really resonated with me. I, too, strayed in the early years of my marriage. There was not excuse for it and I confessed it out of guilt. She was deeply hurt even more than I realized. I think the old saying, "you can forgive, but never forget" has a ring of truth. In the days afterwards, I was scared to death of losing her for good. Some will probably say I was a dummy and should have kept it to myself. Although we never separated, I would have done anything she asked. Like you, she eventually realized she did love me and didn't want to split up. She even considered having sex with someone else with my blessing but could not go through with it. I am the luckiest man in the world that we are still married and will never be able to repay her for her forgiveness of my mistakes. Yes, she keeps me locked most of the time and can also be a bitch when the situation warrants. However, I now know that is the way I need to be loved and controlled and she does what she does out of love and to keep our marriage strong. Given a free rein, men will, inevitably, screw up a marriage. John and I both are living proof of that.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy I’m the first to admit that I have gone off the rails like many other men can do I’m I’m the first to admit that my Mistress has faced something like your experience with your John. I can relate to him. My wife follows your path and we are settled and happy because she is strict with me . The love we share is deep beyond just a normal loving relationship now. The intimacy of it is astounding. Our daughter is currently bringing her husband under her control because he has made some foolish decisions. In the past I would have despaired but already I see his is growing as a husband and a father because of it. She reminds me of your Becky. The steel to be nasty as it were is a treasured quality now. Please don’t think that you sharing your experiences has been anything less than liberating for my wife and I My wife will soon sit my daughter down and have the life changing discussion which will embarrass me but may prove the pivotal moment. Thanks and thanks again. Steve Nz

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,
I have a healthy fear of my wife but is well balanced against the fact that my wife leads the marriage. I never strayed with another but I was never a husband that kept myself oriented to my wife. And she was so nice. I often did what I wanted and even spent what I wanted. So when I started asking my wife to lead the marriage she implemented, or agreed to implement, a few good changes right away. I knew she felt alone and unhappy. Her control of finances ended my wasteful spending. Chores were no longer ignored. Being locked in a chastity device was a good thing. I had fallen into the habit of pleasing myself and ignoring an attractive wife. A friend often told me I was lucky because my wife was (and still is) very attractive with a great personality. I took her for granted. Now I’m zeroed in on pleasuring my wife and sacrificing my own releases happily. A friend told her I seemed like a model husband so I think it’s all worth it.

Michael said...

Hi Kathy,

I'm a long time reader (actually from day 1) and fan. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You went above and beyond what many would have done to make your marriage work and were brave enough to choose a life style you weren't familiar or comfortable with. I think it made you and John (and Becky) better for it. You put in time and effort to research it and solve the problem. I have great respect for you for the way you handled everything. Love your blog and love that you're still sharing your wisdom and helping to change the world.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kathy,

Apologize the familiarity but your blog resonates so much that I feel I know you, although from the male side of the fence. I would,like to express my thanks for sharing your story (as much as it seems that I missed the beginning that you withdraw because it has been copied) in such a candid and vulnerable way. You seem to be a very good person, even if this blog doesn’t seem to have been designed for altruistic purposes in the first place. I wish I would have discovered it ages ago. I recently came out to my wife using and was wondering if you or readers of this blog would be able to recommend alternative sources. Kind regards and reiterated thanks. Eric.