Tuesday, November 7, 2017

A Side Note...

This is turning more into a series than a side note, but the comments are interesting.

The simple truth is that not everyone understands the male submissive personality, and most people tend to reject things that they don't understand. Even my John, if you asked him, would say something to the effect that he doesn't understand the why of it. He simply knows that submissiveness is and has always been a real part of his core personality.

The simple truth is that it is difficult going from a vanilla type of relationship to chocolate. Even Becky had difficulty understanding what David wanted when he first approached her. It took time, it took discussions with mom as well as a lot of reading and thinking. One of the things that stuck Becky was the realization that she and David had already been in a kind of mistress/submissive type relationship. After doing some soul searching she came to realize that her priorities, her wants and needs had become David's wants and needs. She also came to understand that over the time they had been together David had assumed much of her moral compass. If she said something was wrong, it was also wrong for David. If she put her blessing on something that needed to be done in the home, David was also for it.

The other thought that struck Becky was that her friends had become David's friends. When they first started to go out David had a number of friends of his own. Most of the time, however, they ended up going out with one of Becky's girlfriends and their husbands. Little by little they stopped doing things with David's friends. This was never something that was planned. It just happened. It finally got to the point, Becky told me that she made social plans for the weekend without discussing them with David. It was not that she minded talking about the plans with David, it was more that he was waiting to be told. They had one occasion a few years ago when she completely forgot to tell David that they were going out to dinner. 'Why aren't you getting dressed' she asked him. 'For what' he replied.
It was only after this brief discussion that it came to her that she had forgotten to tell David that they were going out.

In looking back over the first few years of their relationship Becky tells me that David was fine with all of this. On that evening she forgot to tell him about the dinner plans, she told him to hurry up or they would be late for the reservations. 'What was David's reaction', I asked. 'He hurried up, he did as told', Becky again  responded. 'Did he complain at all' I remember asking. 'No, he just did as I told him to do', Becky repeated.

As she now looks back on the pre femdom part of their relationship she sees all of the signs associated with submissive male behavior. Instead of making decisions or plans of their own submissive men tend to wait for the woman in their life to orchestrate things. From what I have observed submissive men find a sense of security when women take the lead. Instead of being in the forefront of the conversation submissive men tend to listen when  women are speaking. On a walk they prefer to place themselves just behind the lady they are accompanying. When going through a door way they will take a slight step ahead to open the door, but they want the lady to be the first one to enter the room. And yes, when properly trained they love the opportunity to hold a lady's coat or even her purse.

Not to long ago a lady asked me for a simple test to determine if a man was submissive. I told her to take her guy shopping, and have him hold her purse in the mall. If he does so without complaint he is probably submissive.  Or better yet have him hold her purse while taking a long phone call. If he simply smiles after a long conversation about nothing he is probably submissive. Another young lady told me that she took her guy shopping. When they passed a plus size store with a sexy lingerie display  she casually mentioned that he might look good in that. And yes, she told me that he got excited at the idea of wearing what they were looking at.

One of the habits Becky picked up has been to use her index finger as a signaling device to summon David. She did this she told me without even realizing it. 'Mom', she said 'you might be the blame for this habit'. We talk a lot on the phone. 'Instead of putting the phone down, I  got in the habit of signaling  him to come', she told me. Yes, of course, I thought-I do the same with John. Now, instead of telling him to come I simply waive my finger at him. Either way I told Becky a husband should be trained to keep his eyes focused on his wife's hands. Becky told me that she once slapped David for staring at a big 'titted' girl in the mall. 'Eyes down' she told him, and he apologized.

If something ever happened to my guy would I be open to another submissive man. Yes, of course. Would I seek a relationship with another submissive man. Probably not, but then this was a hypothetical question and who knows. For now I simply know that my guys teats me like a queen. His focus in life is on me, and I love him all the more for that. And sometimes we have a little kink in our lives. And if someone has criticism of this my answer is simply so what.

 Hope you enjoy the blog, but keep commenting. Many of you have trouble finding the courage to share, but it is good to try.




Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

Hi Kathy. We haven't talked in a while. Glad to see you're back online. My wife and I have gone through an interesting arc where social contacts are concerned. When we first started dating, she had her friends and I had mine. Over time, she actually started hanging out more with my friends and less with her own. It always kind of concerned me, because I felt like it made her too dependent on me. I WANTED her to have more friends of her own that really weren't connected to me. Then, about the time we started getting into a more real FLR, she acquired a really independent close friend, and started hanging out more with her own social network. They do ask me to join them from time to time, but I often don't. I think it's good for her and reflects her growth if she has things going on that just don't have that much to do with me. (And, truthfully, I am a total introvert, and if I can avoid hanging out with anyone other than close friends I always find a way to make that happen.)

Anonymous said...

Kathy you have such a talent for seemingly rambling but always conveying really good lessons and musings. I’ve read out your notes to my Mistress and she is hooked!
We’ve been in our FLR for about 4 years and how many times I’ve been scolded with What would Kathy think!” I can’t say. It’s usually because I would get defensive about something.
Anyway back on subject. We’ve retained all our old friends but now they openly recognise my wife as the leader and me as the content bitch as they call me fondly. I don’t argue they are right. The more this happens the happier we seem to be. Thanks for your series Kathy
Steve NZ

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

Thank you for this series. You mention that if something ever happened to your spouse you would seek another one. I am supposing age would not be a factor, right? Would you mind a much younger trophy slave to please you and make you happy?

Anonymous said...

I want to point out that a woman using her index finger to motion is the sexiest thing in the world. If she then uses her hand to spank over the knee it's dangerously melting! Do try this at home!

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Do you think it's good for a boy to become somewhat dependent on the Woman who owns and rules him? I ask that because if you think about it, you advocate giving him an allowance, talk about how Ms. Becky's friends are now "it", and like Ms. Becky said, since she went down the Femdom path it became all about her. So are all those signs of a little bit of a dependent relationship? Could it be that some dependency is actually GOOD in a Femdom relationship?

Thank you