Friday, October 10, 2014

Seting The Record Straight

Well, I do appreciate comments. Sometimes I read the comments and wonder if the author of the comment even read the blog. John, my husband, does not ever address our daughter as mistress.
Sometimes he will use the ma'am word out of respect for her gender. My husband is a sweet submissive who views women as generally superior to men. John has a certain type of reverence for everything female. That is his belief, not mine.

Recently our daughter gave her husband permission to address her as mistress. David, her husband had been wanting to use this honorary title for some time. Like a lot of young women Becky had resisted use of this title. Why, I am not sure. For me the title of mistress signifies a certain level of respect, and over the years I have come to like it.

An no, my daughter's husband does not call me mistress. David addresses me as ma'am and John as John. And for the record I have come to enjoy being a mistress for my man. It is not that I am naturally dominant. It is because I have such a loving sweet man as my submissive. Having a man like John as your devoted servant can make any woman's life better.

Someone brought up the issue of Becky's authority over John in my absence. Yes, If for reason I am not available Becky has full authority to speak for me. This does not mean she can boss her daddy around. It does mean if a question comes up that needs to be resolved, she can deal with it. This has only happened twice. The last time was when she didn't give David and John permission to see a movie that she knew I would not approve of.

I am not pretending to have any real understanding of the reasons for male submission. All I know that it is real. Some men have an absolute need to live their lives under female authority. It is not just about doing better in life under the guidance of a woman, about accepting her rules and control. It is about being happy, about being content with life, and being all they can be as a person. Many men search all of their lives for meaning. They are like wonderers in the desert looking for something. For many of them the answer is loving female authority.

There are differences between a mistress wife and that of a dominatrix. In some ways it is difficult to explain the differences because on the surface the two may look much like. Like a dominatrix a wife may be very demanding, she may punish, and  she may scold. Yet, on the inside there are differences.
This topic will be the subject of another posting, but for now can any of you tell me what the differences are?


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Follow Up

The issue for me over the years has been in understanding the difference between being a dominatrix and a mistress wife. When John first came home I was more of a dominatrix than a wife. John, I knew, did very well in the environment of the studio. He served, he cleaned, he took orders from Tara as well as the girls who worked there. From the comments I herd they all loved him. He was one of the boys who was truly there to serve, to work, and not just pretend to work. In their description he was a very sweet house boy, a pleaser, who knew how to show respect. I later learned that one of the women, a young black girl, broke the rules and made him something of her personal slave. She took him home, used him to clean, do laundry, and serve at parties. On several occasions he spent the night at her apartment after doing late night maid service. He also paid money for the privilege of being her servant.

The point of all this is not to be little John in any way. John, like most men simply doesn't have the inner strength to resist temptations from a woman who wants something. This is part of the reason men should be properly supervised. This, as I tell my daughter, is why she should always know what her husband is doing, and whom he is doing it with. A simple but worthwhile exercise is to make surprise checks of the calls on his cell phone, have soft ware to monitor which sites he visits, and not be afraid to ask questions. This also is why some men should be locked. An ounce of prevention is worth  a pound of cure. What most women don't get is that the truly submissive man wants a wife that does all of these things. The truly submissive man does well when married to a woman who allows him little or no privacy even to the extent of keeping his private parts under lock and key.
If I am wrong gentlemen please tell me.

The other thing to remember is the why of it all. Why should a wife make the effort to monitor her husband's activities, or punish him from time to time. It is not because we enjoy doing it. For most of us disciplining a man can be something of a burden. We do it because we love him. Being a mistress to a man is an act of love. For most of us there is no inner thrill that comes with being a mistress.
Most of us are not naturally dominant. For most of us becoming a mistress is something of a chore that must be learned. Once again, as women, we do these things because our man needs us to be there for him in a special way that only a few people can understand. What I do believe is that the world be a better place if more women rose to the occasion by becoming mistresses to their men.

Love, Kathy

Monday, October 6, 2014

Command Position And Other Things

In the earlier part of the blog we talked quite a bit about 'Command Position'. Since then there have been several inquiries regarding  its use as either a training or discipline tool. Like many other techniques and tools picked up at the studio, this may not be appropriate for most homes.

In the studio Command Position was used as a training tool for the clients. In the studio men were trained to drop to the floor; toes, knees, elbows and forehead as close to the floor as possible anytime a lady snapped her fingers in their direction. In the studio the response was expected to be instantaneous. In other words a man was expected to obey this command without thought, without looking around, and without questioning a woman's authority to give it.

On a very basic level one purpose of this command was to teach men unquestioned obedience to any and all females. In a training session with a man I might have had him drop to this position fifteen or twenty times. The idea, of course, was to get him accustomed to the idea that the mistress had absolute authority over him. While in Command Position a man was not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and was expected to remain perfectly still until released.

On a more practical level the use of Command Position allowed the studio mistress a certain amount of flexibility. In a way it was like putting a man in bondage without the ropes. For example, if a man arrived early for a session, or if for some reason a mistress was not ready for her client, she could simply put the guy in Command Position for a few minutes, an hour, or whatever until she was ready.
If she wanted to take a phone call or do something with another mistress or client, Command Position was a simple, expedient way of putting her client on hold.

At the end of a training session Command Position was used as a way of giving the client instructions. For example, a mistress might give her client orders to perform some exercise before his next visit. In the studio we found that men gave women their full attention when in Command Position. In the home Command Position is a practical position for giving men instructions. The full focus of the husband is on his mistress. He is only allowed to speak when spoken to. After giving John an instruction I will ask if he understands. If the answer is yes, I will often ask him to repeat the instruction back to me. It can be as simple as what items to purchase from the grocery store.

During my most recent visit with Becky I was impressed to see her using some of this technique
with David. While Becky did not put David in Command Position, she did give him a series of small errands  to perform during the course of the day with instructions on what time to return home.  'Yes mistress', he replied when Becky asked if he understood everything. Becky had only recently given her husband permission to call her mistress. She then had him repeat the instructions back to her. When it was obvious David had forgotten a part of what she told him, she had him repeat the list from the start. She was not at all embarrassed to present this little show of dominance in front of me. She knew, I believe, that I would be pleased. In the past she had witnessed me talking with her father in much the same manner. As David was leaving the room, Becky turned to me with a very slight smile. I returned the smile. In that moment that was a sense of understanding between the two of us.

In the home the use of Command Position is a practical tool to end a discussion or a potential argument. It is an effective tool for leting a man know that you are indeed the mistress. From what I have observed most submissive men respond well, and respect a wife who makes use of the technique.

In Liz's home, and in some other femdom house holds, Command Position is used as a way to welcome a mistress. On that visit to Liz's home, her husband remained in place for the entire time of our tour. What impressed me was that her husband not only remained in position, but did so without moving a muscle. What a well trained man I thought to my self. It was only when I complimented Liz on having such a well trained  husband that the reality of the situation struck me. Only a few months earlier I would have been shocked for a man to welcome his wife in this fashion. Now, after the experience of the studio, it seemed so very normal and common that I could actually pay a compliment to a wife for doing a good job of training. While, I thought to my self, how far I have come since that first visit to the studio.

As  in the studio Liz and I felt perfectly free to have a conversation in the presence of a man, but with not including him. Only a few months earlier this would have seemed remarkably strange. Now, for both Liz and I it seemed perfectly normal. Through our mutual experiences with Tara neither of us felt any embarrassment about treating a man as property to be owned. At that moment  neither of us fully understood the differences between  a dominatrix and a mistress wife. We were both learning. We were both experimenting. As they say we were partners in crime.

Love, Kathy

Saturday, September 20, 2014

More About Liz

Some people come to me for advice thinking that I have all of the answers related to femdom relationships. I don't. For the most part my experiences have been restricted to one very sweet submissive man and a small group of friends who share personal experiences. One of the things I do believe, however, is that successful femdom relationships are based on love and caring. Like with all marriages there can and will be difficult times, ups and downs. Like with all relationships that matter, a couple must decide to make it work for them.

In the studio John was nothing more than a servant who was there to clean and fetch. In the home John is more than that. In the home John is my loving submissive who lives to please. Yes, in the home John has responsibilities that involve cleaning and laundry, and yes he does fetch when told.
Yet, for John and men like him there is a special pride that comes with being a devoted servant to the woman who loves him. I see John's gift of submission as a gift of love.

On the first day that Liz invited me to her home we talked for a very long time. For me it was the very first time  being in a femdom home-a home where protocols and discipline were enforced. In some ways the protocols, such as command position, reminded me of the studio. Yet, before the end of the house tour, I began to notice differences. For one thing Liz took a great deal of pride in having a husband who obeyed her. Although they kept the femdom nature of their relationship a secret, she was proud of having a sweet, well trained man as a husband.

One of things she told me was that her husband's love was the most important thing in the world to her. Second to his love was his obedience. She felt, she told me, that rejecting a man's submission was the same as rejecting his love. Many years later I had a similar conversation with my daughter. That's not to say, she told me, that you should not be a firm disciplinarian with a man, but it is important to remember that punishment should be administered for the purpose of bettering the relationship.

For the entire time of our tour Liz's husband remained obediently in Command Position without making a sound or moving a muscle. Without thinking about it I complimented Liz on how well her husband maintained his posture in Command Position. In the studio men would talk out of place or change position to attract attention. They did this because they wanted the mistress to punish  them. In Liz's home, her man was there to please.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Been Away

Thank all of you for commenting.

Over the last week I have been traveling. It was one of those trips combining vacation with a work itinerary. Anytime I am close to Atlanta, I find an excuse to spend a day or two with Becky and her little family.

I keep receiving questions about Tara's School. There was no such thing. Referring to the studio as a little school was a euphemism. Tara was a dominatrix who enjoyed working with couples. She understood the importance of female only support groups. The ruminants of our little group are still together. Tara never reopened after the storm. Working with her as something of a junior mistress opened my eyes about men. Never did I realize the need of certain men to live under the absolute authority of a woman. Even if I had known about such things as femdom marriage, never would I have guessed that my John was one of these men who needed this type of living arrangement.

One of my early posting detailed the first meeting with Liz. Through Tara's intervention we were able to exchange names and phone numbers. We talked several times and agreed to meet at a local restaurant. We sat at the bar. We talked. It was all girl talk about husbands and children. Yes, she told me, her husband told her about his need for female authority. She thought he was crazy.
They played at femdom for a while, but it didn't work for either of them. Then, one day, her husband asked if she would attend a session with this dominatrix who worked with couples. She agreed.

The first meeting, Liz told me, seemed so very strange. For most of the first meeting Tara had her husband stand outside in the patio while the two of them talked. Liz's reaction to Tara was a lot like mine. We were both surprised  that Tara was an educated, engaging woman who seemed to understand the male brain better than anyone. On that Saturday morning Tara invited me to her home.
She also prepared me on what to expect.

Having interned at the studio for a few months, I was beyond surprise. Upon entering the home, her husband dropped to 'Command Position". With her husband silently down on the floor she took me for a slow tour of her home. Her husband, she told me, had been trained not to speak a word or move a muscle while in 'Command Position". 'If, she observed him moving even a hair', it was  grounds for punishment. Finally, when we returned to the living room, she extended a foot for him to kiss, and gave him permission to rise.

Although Liz had her husband serve a glass of wine and some food never did she feel compelled to introduce her husband to me. She treated him as something of a house servant which is what he was on that Saturday morning. Liz explained to me that as her personal servant her husband was there to obey and serve, not to make conversation. This, she had learned from Tara.

Liz and I have been best friends since that day. It was Liz who introduced me to the other graduates of Tara's little school, and I became one of the group.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

A Little Fun

For all of the American readers of Femdom 101, I hope that you had a very good three day weekend.
Many of you know that my husband had been away on a business trip. He came home Friday afternoon in time for the holiday. He was tired from the long plane ride. He was promptly excused from all duties with the exception of pampering his mistress.

In the mall this past week I had the idea to buy John a small present to celebrate his homecoming.
I wasn't sure what to get for him until I remembered the posting on I'm Hers blog. It is so sweet the way Katie puts out panties for her guy. While it is far from universal most of the men that email to me have worn panties at one time or the other. It is a lite form of cross dressing that hurts no one.
The knowledge that her man wears women's underwear creates a special bond between a couple. In a way it is kind of a sweet little secret that is fun for them to share.

The plus size store was running a special, three pairs your choice for $25.00. Instead of buying one pair I picked out three in John's favorite colors. Like most men John prefers panties with a lot of lace and  ribbons. He once confessed to especially likening panties with a lacy, little boh in front. As much as this may seem unmanly, these are the type of panties that most men want to wear. In the studio we usually instructed men to wear panties on the day of their visit. They were very  seldom of the plain Jane variety that you buy at the big box stores. One of the funniest things was to watch a man try his best to squeeze into a Victoria Secret size seven.

As I was paying for the purchase the young lady behind the counter quickly scanned the labels with her eyes. This is something store clerks are instructed to do. It helps prevent returns. She was checking to see that all three pairs were of the same size. Reading the expression on her face, I proudly explained that they were a coming home present for my husband. For a quick moment, she was not sure if they were something for me to wear for my guy, or my guy to wear for me. Then, of course, looking at the size of the panties in comparison to my figure, understood they were for my guy to wear. She said, we have a lot of women who buy panties for their husbands.

Then, I thought wouldn't it have been fun to have purchased panties in two different sizes. The clerk would have caught the fact that one of the panties was of a different size. I could have then mentioned that two of them were for my husband, and the third was for my boy friend who was some what larger proportioned.  While, I thought what a good laugh that would have been.

Love, Kathy

Friday, August 29, 2014

Use of BDSM techniques in femdom relationships

Thank all of you who contributed to the blog by way of comments. Some of the comments to the last posting were so sweet that they almost made me blush. In truth, the last posting tiptoed into one of the most controversial areas of femdom, what to tell the children and when. What I have always maintained is that femdom in and of itself is not about BDSM or sexual practices. In my opinion there is nothing really erotic about the idea of a wife being head of house, or that of a husband assuming the more subservient role in a relationship.

What I will admit is that the femdom way of living can lead to different practices that relate to BDSM activities. One of the reasons for this is the necessity to train a man, and to punish when necessary.
Someone asked the  question does John ever talk back. Not really, not any more, but in the past there have been times when his temper has gotten the better of him. My daughter has much more of a problem with her husband, but this is expected from a younger man.

Most of you know that I have several close friends who are in the lifestyle. We were all graduates of Tara's school for training and managing men. Tara, a dominatrix, specialized in working with couples. Her technique was to work with the wife as much as the husband. She would then put the women together into a group for female bonding. Our group took on a life of its own much like a new comers club. Because of the influence of the dominatrix, our small group is probably more strict  than most women in the lifestyle.

In the studio our group of devotees learned to incorporate certain BDSM practices as part of the process of training and disciplining. For example, each of our husbands were taught to drop to the floor in 'command position' at the snap of our fingers. In this position the men are only allowed to speak when answering a direct question. If I want to give John instructions, I will put him in 'command position'. In a way it is a practical position because a man's focus is entirely on what you are telling him. It is also an effective tool for ending augments.

In the studio the use of  'command position' was a standard technique. A male was not allowed to talk, get up, or even to move a muscle into given permission. It was a simple way to keep a man out of the way, under wraps, for a few minutes or an hour. In the bringing I asked one of the women in the group, do you really do this with your husband. Yes, she said, and he responds well to it. It was My Heart's Desire who made the comment that his wife requires him to assume  a certain formalized position at times. It occurred to me that something simple such as standing at attention my be appropriate in his circumstances, but being placed on his knees would not be. Either way the decision is to made by his wife, and she determines what is appropriate in her home.

For women new to the lifestyle the idea of bringing a husband to the floor in what seems to be a most humiliating position is too over the top for any reasonable consideration. Yet, from my experience, men respond well to being  called to in this fashion. Yet, the use of this training position in front of children would not be acceptable to me. Likewise, someone asked how does John greet me. We use the formal greeting learned from Tara, a kiss on the right foot for welcoming, and a kiss on the left foot for leaving. Please don't feel sorry for John. He, like many men loves to show respect by kissing the feet of a lady. In the world of submissive men being allowed to kiss the feet of a wife is more of a privilege than a duty.

In the home I believe in the importance of protocols.  Some of these protocols are not appropriate for use in front of family members, some are. It depends on the circumstances. Yes, John stands when a lady enters a room. Sometimes it is confusing. If you remember the posting about the Lemon drop Martini, one of my neighbors has a college age daughter. At what age, John once asked me is it appropriate for him to stand for a lady? It is also important to remember that there is sometimes a fine line between simply being a gentlemen, and showing deference to a lady in the way required of a submissive husband.

Love, Kathy