Tuesday, April 15, 2014


The past few weeks have been extremely busy for both John and I. We both travel some for business, but John has been away for the last two weeks. In a way separations have a way of bringing us closer together. Some people believe that being a mistress wife means being something of a cold hearted bitch, but nothing could be further from the truth. Being a mistress wife is about caring for a man, it is about loving him, and knowing that he is there for you. In a way, I guess, femdom marriages are about a couple being there for each other.

This past week I received an email from a lady whose son had recently married. In a quite moment, her new daughter in law mentioned that there marriage would be Female Led. When it was obvious that this older lady had no idea what the younger lady was talking about she explained some of the tenants of a female led marriage. When the mom heard words like obedience and service she became worried. She turned to the internet where the various web sites caused her to be even more concerned.

Among all of the internet sites this mom found femdom 101. She wrote to me. She expalaind her situation, and asked if we could email. One of her concerns was that her son would be whipped or abused in some manner.  'Why I asked this lady would she think her son would be abused'? When they lived together before marriage was there any sign of abuse? No, the lady replied, but one of the things this mom had noticed was the way her son acted in the presence of his girlfriend. She went on to explain that her son was extremely differential toward her.

'In what ways' I asked was her son differential. The mom replied that her son would stand when the girlfriend entered a room, and he would often answer her with a ma'am. Well, I said that could be either a sign of submission or simply of a man acting like a gentlemen. 'No' she said it was more than that. 'Why' I asked did she tell you about the marriage being female led. The lady replied that the new wife wanted her to understand their relationship so that there would be no need to hide things form her.

It was toward the end of one of those emails when I asked the lady what she thought of her son's choice for a bride. 'Well' she said  'her boy always seems happy when she is around him.' 'She is sweet, pretty, and petite'. 'Is she kind of a bitchy type,' I asked. 'No,  not at all the lady replied, but form general observations she observed that her son does what she tells him.' 'Well', I said 'it can be good for a marriage to have one person in charge?' 'Yes, I guess she answered'.

The lady went on with a new paragraph. She then said that her daughter in law told her that she loved her son very much, and knew what it took to make him happy. This lady didn't ask the daughter in law what that was, but I of course have an idea. With the spread of the internet more men are willing to talk about dominance and submission, and there need for female authority in every day life. What I am convinced of is that the women who love these men, who are accepting of their natures are not the bitches, or men haters of the world. They are loving caring women who want the best for their families.

In a way I told this lady that her daughter in law's openness is very commendable. It might be good if she could learn to see her as a friend as well as a daughter in law. It took John and I several years to tell the family about our changed relationship. In a way I believe openness about lifestyle is very important in the family. In business it is proper to keep the nature of relationships private. The longer John and I live the more we understand that there are things that can not be hidden from family.

Love, Kathy

Friday, March 28, 2014

Sweet Luxuries of Femdom

Someone recently asked a question. If it is Ok for a man to wear a kilt why can't he occasionally wear a skirt. The simple answer is that a kilt is made for a man, a skirt is made for a woman. Wearing a skirt is kinky while wearing a kilt is socially acceptable. Wearing a woman's skirt, carrying a purse, or the use of other women's clothing says something about a man's personality. Cross dressing is not something that I really understand. Not all submissive men have a desire to wear women's clothing, yet many of them do.

A little while back someone asked if I was proud of Becky. While most women have the ability to be a mistress to a man it takes a certain amount of 'pluck' to actually take control. That day on the mountain David needed a wife who had the courage to do what was needed. In the organization she managers, Sheryl Sandberg banned the use of the word 'bossy'. On that ski day, when Becky ordered her husband 'down the mountain' she was not acting 'bossy'- she was the boss. On that day she was a badly needed authority figure for her husband.

A little ritual that John and I have followed for many years is our nightly conversation. We do this at home, we do this in hotels, and where ever we happen to be. It may only be five or ten minutes, or it may be an hour or longer, but we do it every night. Sometimes we do it in the bedroom. I sit, John kneels. Sometimes we do it in the bathroom while I soak in the tub. In that conversation we talk  about the events of the day, what is on our mind, our children, and now our grandchild. In my opinion every couple should have a similar ritual. It brings a couple closer together. That type of intimate conversation creates a special bond between a wife and her husband.

 'How did he feel', I asked John when Becky sent David down the mountain. 'Well' John responded that  he was proud of Becky, but in a way he was also a little nervous. 'Why' I asked. John responded that he wasn't quite sure if David would do as told, or if he would argue. 'Was Becky nervous', I asked. 'She didn't seem to be', John replied. 'You know baby' I said to John 'men are usually a little nervous in the presence of a confident woman'. 'Um' John responded. 'Get the towel  I am ready to get out' I told John as we went on to the next topic of conversation.

One of the sweet luxuries of a femdom marriage are the conversations. So many times I hear women say that their husbands never listen to them. John is so much more aware of my feelings than most other husbands. He is attentive and sweet in a way that only a truly loving husband can be. And for John their are rewards. One of his rewards for this coming weekend is to wear a skirt, and dress up pretty for his mistress.


Thursday, March 13, 2014

Secrets Of Femdom

If I may I would like to continue the previous posting. Someone asked if I am proud of Becky.
The answer is that I am proud of both my children, as well my son-in-law. Each of the three are very different, they have different skills, and different needs. As Philosopher Queen pointed out in her well written comment men need structure, they need guidance. In a lot of ways men can be like little puppies floundering around in every direction without a firm hand to guide them.

The best kept secret in femdom is that it doesn't take a bitch to be a successful mistress. Quite to the contrary, it is my personal belief that the best mistresses comes from the ranks of ordinary women, with ordinary intelligence that care about their men. Being a mistress is not a bitch thing. Being a mistress is not a 'bossy' thing as much as it is about simply taking the lead in the relationship. There is a vast difference between being bossy and being the boss.

The second best secret about femdom is that punishing a man is not about making his life miserable.
He may not, and should not like the punishment. However, when punishment is completed, and mistress administers absolution most men feel a sense of joy that can stay with them for several days. As David's punishment Becky took away his ski privileges for the remainder of the afternoon. He may not have appreciated having to sit in the restaurant for an hour or so, but for the remainder of the trip he was in a much improved mood. Overall, I believe David's enjoyed the vacation more because of the attention Becky gave him. Once again men can be like little puppies. Sometimes a little pet on the head is all it takes to make them happy. Sometimes it is a little switch.

Just like puppies men need to understand who the boss is in the relationship. However, unlike puppies they want to be sure that the wife understands she is the authority person. This perhaps is why simple punishments can have such a dramatic affect on behavior. Taking away an hour of ski time is not a harsh punishment. However, it was effective because it let David know that Becky knew she was the authority person in the relationship.

In our relationship John is my submissive. He does what he is told when he is told and how he is told. He obeys me as completely and totally as one person can obey another. Is this because I am smarter than him. Absolutely not. Sometimes I can't even spell correctly with spell check. In many ways John is a brilliant man. He is now at the pinnacle of his career. John obeys and serves me because of that special need in his life for female authority in every day living. The next secret of femdom is that you don't need to be brilliant to be a man's mistress-you just need to try.

As women we have a special God given gift to love and care for others. Being a mistress is just another way to care for the man whom you love. This perhaps is the biggest secret related to femdom.
When a woman becomes mistress to a submissive man she is in a way doing God's work. She becomes the instrument of God in managing and caring for that person. That is a part of why the mistress/slave relationship is so very intimate.


Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Acting Out Or Just Needs Training

The last few weeks have been very busy. Both John and I have been traveling in very different directions. It always feels strange coming home from a business trip without having my guy there to pick me up. I love that first hug and kiss at the airport. It is the hug and kiss that sends the signal to my brain that yes, I am home again. Having to unpack, deal with the wrinkled clothing is yet another unpleasant reminder that my guy is away.

There were several emails and comments related to the last posting. 'Why are you shooting' they asked. Come to learn that in modern computer language, capital letters means that the writer is angry or shouting. I didn't know that. I simply used capitals to make an important point- women who are married to submissive men have a duty to train them. An analogy is having a big, loving dog who doesn't understand that it is not supposed to jump on the furniture. It is stretching the point, but having a submissive husband who has not been properly trained is much like having a giant, untrained, but sweet pet who has not been properly socialized. As wives we have a responsibility to our husbands to make sure they are trained to act politely. As mistress wives we have the right, as well as the duty to define exactly what constitutes responsible, polite behavior in various situations. In other words we become the arbiters of what behavior is acceptable and what is not. For the most part it is my belief that men understand this, and want their wives to become more definite in defining acceptable versus unacceptable behavior.

Both John and I are crazy about David, our son-in-law. In so many ways he and Becky are made for each other. They love each other, they do things together, and in a sense each of them completes the other as a person. David idolizes John. They both like golf and other sports. They have spent time together doing family projects. They talk. In many ways it is my opinion that David is envious of the life John and I live. David is not submissive in the same manner, or degree as John, yet in my opinion he would be happier with some degree of control from Becky. It is more than obvious that he looks to her for direction, and is comfortable following her lead. What I believe is that he is looking for clearer signals that she is willing to take charge. In my opinion he wants and needs a clear statement from her that she is willing to become his mistress as well as his wife.

Like a lot of men David is searching, exploring for ways of asking his wife to take firmer control. She, of course, has always resisted taking the next step. Becky has told me that she understands that femdom may be right for us, but questions it for herself and David. She has read the blog. She understands that men who are not satisfied will often look out side of their marriage to find what they want, yet doesn't feel ready to go forward. In a way it was her negative attitude toward femdom that made the little incident on the ski trip so interesting. If you recall, I first mentioned this incident in the February posting entitled 'Post Football Depression'.

The four of us had a lot of fun on the ski trip. One of the things I love about Breckenridge is that this wonderful ski area is combined with a small Victorian town that oozes charm and personality. Even John likes visiting the shops on main street. The incident was nothing really bad, but in a way highlighted the issue of having a husband who has never been properly trained. This is not just about femdom relationships, but more about having a husband who understands how to react in various situations. To use other terminology it is about having a husband who understands the expectations of his wife. If you will it is about a husband who has been properly socialized.

You may recall that the first time Becky punished David was during the summer. At that time he made her angry. He dug up a plant that she wanted to keep. The little incident in Colorado also resulted in a punishment. I had quit skiing for the day. The three of them were riding on one of those six passenger chair lifts. It was a fairly long ride. On the way up Becky happened into a conversation with a young lady siting next to her. As it turned out this young lady and Becky had attended the same high school. This led to a conversation that extended beyond the chair ride.

As Becky and the other girl chatted about school, John acted in a manner consistent with his training.
John understood that the appropriate role for a man in the presence of  two women having a conversation was simply to stand, to wait until given a signal of some type. For John this is true even is one of the women happens to be his daughter. It is amazing to me how many men don't understand this basic rule of politeness. Apparently my David was one of these men who had never been properly taught .  From the beginning of the conversation he acted annoyed. John was doing his best to ignore him. After a very short while David made comments in the direction of Becky like 'lets go'. Becky, of course, ignored him. The comments not only continued, but grew louder. Becky was embarrassed in front of new friend.

Like the situation last summer when Becky becomes angry she can and will act like a mistress.
John tells me that without warning she said excuse me to the girl, turned in David's direction and in a normal, but very confident voice ordered him to ski all the way down to the base, take off his skies and wait for her. She then told him that his skiing was finished for the day. At first John told me that David didn't more, but simply stood there with this astounded look on his face. When David  failed to move Becky make the exaggerated motion with her lips as to scream  'NOW'.  John told me later that he was very happy not to be the one who felt the wrath of Becky's anger. John understood that David had goofed big time.

An hour later when Becky decided it was time to go in, John wondered out loud if David would be in the restaurant waiting for them. John was very surprised that Becky had no such doubts. When they  picked David up Becky gave him the silent treatment. John observed that David looked more than a little nervous as he tried to apologize. A little later that afternoon Becky sent me a text message that the two of them had some things to work out, and they would have dinner on there own. How Becky handled the situation I don't know. That is between her and David. What I do believe is that evening they had a serious conversation about David's behavior on the mountain, and his lack of respect.

For the remained of the trip I did observe somewhat of an attitude change in David. He was generally more polite to both Becky and I, and in a way he seemed happier that in the early part of the trip.
Men some times act out when they are looking for attention. We think of acting out as a kind of child
like behavior, but trust me on this one, grown men do it also. That night in the lodge John and I talked about David's bad manners on the slope. In a way some of it was due to a lack of training. In another way it looked to John that David might have found a way to bring out Becky's more dominant side.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A Very Short Post



Monday, February 24, 2014

Taking A Step Back

I really do not want to dwell on the topic of packing a suitcase. But to take a step back John and I  talk about what goes into the suitcase. I might suggest to John that he packs a certain outfit or skirt. John might ask about what jewelry goes with it. When everything is spread out on the bed there are many times when I will add, subtract, or change what is there. Packing for a wife is a much more intimate experience than cleaning her house. We have found it to be a healthy exercise in relationship building.

Part of the joy of being a man is football. A part of the joy of being a service submissive is having a mistress to serve. Packing a travel bag, unpacking it, and being responsible for the care of a wife's clothing is also part of the joy of being a submissive man. As mistress wives it is our duty to look for training exercise that help our men develop.

In this century women travel as much for business as men. As part of our responsibility it is often necessary to have dinners out when we travel. In today's world it is common to have dinners and drinks in different cities with male associates. A lady in the neighborhood once told me that she never ever tells her husband about the  business dinners and bar visits with male business associates.
Knowing that I often travel for a living she asked if I shared that type of information with John.
Of course, I said with a bright smile, he is the one who packs for most of these occasions.

What I might add to all of this is that part of the joy of being a mistress wife is having a wonderful husband to serve you, to be at your beck and call. This, however, is not something that happens with the pressing of a button or pulling a switch. Based on the comments I am not quite sure my message is coming across in the correct way?

Love, Kathy

And yes, I do like to have comments. Comments with four letter words will not be published.
For the gentlemen who made the x rated comment apologies are in order. My question is when do you ever talk to a lady about such things. And, on another subject, it was not so long ago that fd wrote me to say that he still reads the blog. His two children are in college. Mistress Michele does not want him blogging without special permission. Hope to hear from you soon, sweetheart.

Packing A Suitcase

One of the criticisms often leveled against femdom  is that it is a way for women to take advantage of men. In the professional arena I believe there is a great deal of truth to this idea. There are too many women who are looking for the opportunity to make money from a man's natural need for feminine control. In private life where there are genuine feelings between a couple femdom gives the subservient man a way to enrich his life. Just as Sunday afternoon football or art enriches the life of some people, a relationship with a strong, confident women enriches the life of a few chosen men.

In the early part of our femdom relationship John asked if he could be given the chore of taking care of my clothing. In a way I felt that this would be a good duty for him, but only if he did it correctly. I didn't want  to have any of my nicer things ruined, or look messy. As part of my job I often meet with clients and appearance is important. On the other hand I looked upon this as a training opportunity for John. In the beginning I let him know what my expectation were. He had never ironed a dress, a skirt, or a blouse in his life, and this was something he would have to learn. Most of my clothing is either wash and wear or is sent to the cleaners. Yet, there are a few pieces, including a pleated skirt that would need to be ironed.

With regard to my closet everything is kept in a specific place. In the beginning it was important that John learn where everything went. Since John was going to be my valet it was important for him to learn what went with what. Men never seem to appreciate that certain shoes go with a certain color of clothing, or type of clothing. A certain shoe may be work well for a pants suit, but not for a dress.
Likewise, an open toe shoe may be very acceptable for a casual dinner, but not for a more formal
occasion. For example John had no idea that in certain law firms female employees are not permitted to wear open toe shoes. These were all things that John need to learn. In a sense it was my duty to train him in a way that his service would meet my expectations. If I was going to train him there had to be something of a training program.

John's training program started on a Saturday afternoon after he had cleaned house. The first step was to take him into my closet showing him how it was divided, what went where. I then had him take out one of my nicer outfits, one I wore for work. The next step was for him to match it with a blouse, shoes, and nylons. He didn't do well at first. It took him a while to understand the concept of open toe shoes versus more professional looking shoes for certain occasions. On the other extreme I had John pull out an evening gown that I had recently worn for a special reception. We went through the same matching process, but would more emphasis on the jewelry.

For our bedroom I purchased a small women's valet stand. Some of you may have one of these.
For busy people they are very convenient. On the night before a work day John and I would
talk about my schedule. In the beginning I would tell him which articles of clothing to pull out.
Over a very short time John learned to make recommendation on what I should wear. This was important because he also knew which clothing was available, and which were at the cleaners.
Over time I began to trust John's judgment as to what to wear as much as my own. What gives John the most difficulty is deciding on jewelry.

Training a man to be your valet takes time and patience. Like everything else training is never one hundred percent complete. Training a man is a constant process. It is like tuning a fine piano.
It is a process that  may never be fully completed. There are constant adjustments. Some of my girl friends have wondered why I often take John shopping . The answer is that shopping with mistress is part of his training. It is a way for him to better understand what it is I like and why.

When I travel John's responsibility is to pack my bag. In order to do this he needs to know the length of my trip, business or personal, and the  places I will go. Also, a sensitive issue for John as well as most husbands is whom I will be with. It took John some time to understand that if I am going to have dinner with a man or group of men I will dress differently than if with other women. If you are expected to have dinner with a male client it often helps to look a little nicer. With a female client it is often better to tone down the look.  It is not about trying to make John jealous, but simply teaching him the reality of how to dress for different people.

What most people do wrong in the packing process is putting clothing directly into the travel bag.
John has been taught to spread everything out on the bed. We then look at it together, and make modifications. There is also a packing order that has been developed between us. When I open a suitcase on the road I know where everything should be. John, like some other husbands enjoys  performing this service for me. It is part of being a good servant for his wife. He also enjoys it when I compliment him on how well a bag has been packed. If something was missing he also hears about it.

A few women in the neighborhood have learned that John packs my suitcases. They can't imagine how it would all work, but they do not know anything much about our personal relationship. A lot of this goes back to the conversations with Becky. If you want a husband to serve, you need to first let him understand your expectations, and then be willing to train him.

Training a man is an act of love-it helps a man grow himself into a better person. A man who has been properly trained by a mistress feels better about him self than the man who has not had this experience. It is my personal belief that men like John, like I'm Hers, and fd are in a way more content with life because they have had the advantage of being trained by a mistress wife who cares about them. For me this is all about why femdom is such a beautiful experience that should be shared with the world.