Saturday, June 11, 2016

Lessons Learned.....

Thank all of you for sharing. Between the last couple of posting and all of the excellent comments there is a lot to think about. I will be away from the computer and the blog for a few weeks. John and I are off to a great adventure in traveling.

What I also wanted to mention is that femdom is not a lifestyle that requires more time in a busy life. Yes, the game part requires some commitment to time, but for the most part femdom becomes woven into the fabric of our lives. I can see this so plainly with Becky. Her husband has a little bit of a weight problem. He also has a problem with dieting. She now controls what he eats and how much of it. At a restaurant she will generally inquire as to what he would like to order. She, however, must approve of it. She will also do most of the ordering for him. If the portion is too large she will insist on a take out bag. None of this requires any of her time.

Last year we had car trouble on a visit to her home. When my cell phone rang with the news that the repairs had been made, I asked Becky if David could drive us to the dealership. She simply called him in, instructed him to drive us, use her car, and then fill it up with gas on the return. She also instructed David to stop by the local market for milk. Non of this was very exotic. Most of all femdom simply involves the every day activities of our lives. It is just that the wife who is also the mistress is directing things. The interesting part of this little story is that I never even though of asking David directly. Even if I had asked David he would have needed Becky's permission to drive me.  The decision, I knew, would be made by Becky. She is David's mistress as well as head of house.  And David, like most submissive men likes it that way.

If the type of lifestyle that Becky and her husband have appeals to you it probably means you are submissive. Be good to yourselves. Love and care for the lady in your life, and she will be good to you. And a special thank you to all those who were kind enough to write poems for me. I love them all, and yes I read them again and again.


Kisses, Mistress

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Lessons Learned....

Judging from the comments the blog has given all of us much to think about over the last days.
Each of us is different in many ways, yet most of us have certain common characteristics.
We all want to be loved, we want to be appreciated for whom we are. It is also difficult for women to appreciate that the man they fell in love with, the man they married, the man they thought they knew; in reality is somehow different. Yes, I continue to believe that the truly submissive man is a sweetheart. In the long term submissive men make the best husbands and the best fathers.

The problem for wives is adjustment to what possibly is a new way of life. While it seems strange submissive men can also be demanding. They also have these alpha moments when they act out.
Don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about because I have seen it too many times.
The wife tries her hand at accommodating the husband's submissive side, but doesn't do it just right and the husband rebels. In an alpha moment it is the husband demanding things. My feeling is that this is due to a lack of discipline, and a lack of respect for true female authority. Most men can sense a lack of confidence on the part of their wife. In return, many wives wonder if they can become the perfect mistress wife that the husband wants them to become.

In a general way I don't have any simple answers. What I do see, however, that you are not alone.
If I had advice for women it would be to tell your husband that you love him. Tell him that you will try to become his mistress, but that he must do his part. There is nothing wrong with starting off with little femdom games. If you both enjoy them take it to the next level. Give him assignments. Give him little jobs to do around the house, take a moment to inspect his work. We all need help in this area. If it works give him some personal chores to do. Have him wash and fold the laundry. Have him clean your shoes. Whatever little job you need done. Always inspect his work. And yes, if it is only the two of you in the home, have him naked.

Make it a habit to tell your husband how to dress. If he needs new clothes take him to the store.
Treat him like a child. Pick out the clothes you want him to try on. Have him hold your purse while you search the racks. If you have the courage take him in hand to a woman's plus size store for panties. Even if you are embarrassed try not to show it. Make sure the sales persons understands that the panties are for him. Once again, this sounds silly, but wearing feminine things can have an amazing effect on a man. It is not so much as how these things feel on him, but how he feels in them.
These things can bring out a man's softer submissive side. And yes, I love to do things that make a strong man blush. John is so cute when he blushes. Most men are.

One of my friends recommended having a cute little pet name for your husband. A silly little name that only you use for him. Something sweet. She calls it a slave name, and it is a way of letting him know that he is your property. And yes, while only you should call him by that name, never hesitate to use it in front of sales people or waiters in restaurants. When we go out to eat my daughter will order for her husband. Before the waiter comes she will ask him what he wants, but he knows she must approve it. And sometimes she will order something completely different for him. Her husband is on a diet and she controls what he eats and how much of it.

The things I am talking about may seem silly and they are. Over time, by doing these things, a man begins to realize that much of his daily life is under your control. Introducing a man to femdom or female control should be part of your every day world. Let him know that as your husband you expect his obedience. Let him know that his obedience is important to you. It is important to you because it is important to your marriage.

As many of you may have guessed this posting is primarily for the female readers of the blog.
For you guys there is a short assignment. I want each of you to read the comment by James.
I want you to thank James for sharing so much with us, and I want to hear what you think about what he said. How do you handle those alpha moments. Do you ever talk back to your wife when she gives you instructions.

Love, Kathy



Monday, June 6, 2016

Lessons Learned...

As a young girl growing into adolescence it was my mother who had the talk with me. It was not really just the talk, it was a book and a talk and then another talk and so on.. One of the things she told me is that if I was out with a boy who wanted me to do something I didn't want to do just tell him no. She also told me not be intimidated by boys. Never be afraid to more a boy's hand away from a place you didn't want it to be. There were social pressures. If he was a boy you liked it was sometimes hard to tell him no. There were also the time when a really cute boy unbuttoned my blouse for the first time. What should I tell him I thought. Missing form my mother's advice was what to do when you really wanted that cute boy to touch you in a sweet way.

As Becky made the transition into adolescence it was me who had the talk with her. Of course the world had changed. President Clinton had been in white house. It seemed the entire country was talking about doing things we didn't even know girls did back in my time. The evening news was more explicit than the books my mother gave to me. My conversations with Becky were more direct than the ones with my mother. There will be times I told her that a boy will want to put his hand on breast, will want to undress you, or will want the so called presidential solute. In those times you need to make the decision that is right for you. Never do something that you feel is wrong I told her. Boys have a way of pressuring girls to get what they want. Becky responded by asking me questions. She even told me about being on a date with a boy who aggressively put his hand under her skirt. No, she told him firmly, and then gave him a little kiss just to say she liked him.

When she went away for college I knew she would be entering a brave new world away from my supervision. I even shared with her the advice an older cousin once gave to me. If the guy is going too fast, 'too hot' put your hand in that special place and gently squeeze. By the time you feel the moisture he will have cooled down. These conversations were mother to daughter. As Becky grew older the conversations became not only mother to daughter, but friend to friend. John was not privy to these girl only conversations. These conversations were usually planned for a time when John or our son would not be in the house. Somehow girl talk was always easier than involving the guys.

As our little portion of the world changed to femdom it was no longer necessary to plan for a time when John was not in the house. There was a simple little signal, a slightly raised hand with a movement of the index finger. When this signal was given John understood he was to leave the room, and not return until given permission. It was time, he understood, for girl talk. That intimate time when we talked to one another about the special things in life. On many occasions I used that signal for those special conversations with Becky. By this time I had learned to speak to Becky not only as a daughter and friend, but as one of my special friends who shared the knowledge of our lifestyle.

In high school years I was usually the one who initiated these conversations. As the conversations became more friend to friend Becky would often take the lead. Thank haven for free long distance.
It was not unusual for us to talk for an hour or more about the children, daycare, or anything that was happening in our lives. On visits, her house or mine, we relished the time spent together over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. It was always me who gave John the signal that it was time for him to leave the room. It was a few years ago, no longer sure when that Becky raised her hand, moved her index finger for the first time giving her daddy the signal that his presence was no longer required. Physically giving the signal to her father required only a minimum of effort. Psychologically, mentally it could have moved heaven and earth, and opened the way for more candid conversations involving the way in which our relationship developed. It was Becky's way of saying I'm ready, I'm old enough, now tell me more about how this all happened.

What impressed me the most was the confidence in which Becky looked her father in his eye, gave him a sweet feminine smile and  command all at the same time. The only response that came from John was a 'yes ma'am, please let me know if you need anything' as he rose to leave. It briefly reminded me of the way she handled the boy who dared to put his hand under her skirt.  She understood how to control him with a smile and a perky kiss. They went on several more dates.
From that time on Becky told me he waited for her to make the first move. It may have been at that moment in the living room that I first thought of Becky as a woman instead of a girl. In my opinion she was a woman who deserved to be addressed as ma'am.

Many of you will recall that it was last year when Becky allowed her husband to wear a collar.
Her husband was never ordered to wear a collar. Instead, David had been asking for a collar.
From what I had understood she told him that wearing a collar was privilege that needed to be earnd.
In the early part of last summer she purchased a collar and lock with an inscription on it. The inscription read  simply with all my love. The femdom aspect of their marriage has brought them closer together. Femdom is more about love and caring then it is about whips and bondage.

It was on that Saturday morning described in the French Press posting that David told me how much he enjoyed serving Becky. Getting up a little early to make coffee would be seen as a chore for many men. On that Saturday morning David told me how much he enjoyed doing it. What submissive men enjoy the most is doing the personal chores for their lady. Things like making their coffee, cleaning their shoes, or getting their work clothes ready are special treats for most men. I could tell that these little duties were also special for David. Doing these things, he saw, as acts of respect. On that morning David also told me that Becky was smarter than him, and that she understood things he didn't. He also used the word superior in describing her. While I don't believe she is smarter or superior to David in any way, I do believe submissive men routinely believe that women are somehow inherently superior. You have no idea how many men write to me saying they want to kneel at the feet of a superior woman. Yes, I tell them it is natural for a man to want to kneel at the feet of a  woman, but that doesn't mean she is superior?

Over the last year or so the conversations with Becky have changed. She still comes to me for advice, but more and more I am listening to her. In some ways she has now become my mentor. She is one of the women I reach out to for ideas and thoughts. I tell my self it is because she has a younger more youthful prospective on things, but the truth is that I have learned to respect her judgment. One of things she told me recently was that it was perfectly natural for a wife to be head of a family.
It is not about demoting the husband or humiliating him in anyway. It is more about each person having special skills along with the confidence to lead. Even when they were dating, Becky tells me, David looked to her direction. As some of you know they now have three children. David, she tells me responds to her authority better than the children. Of course, he has been trained and as a submissive obedience comes naturally to him. If a man is naturally submissive, she told me, trying to force him into some type of dominant role will only make him unhappy. Some of things she said to me were my ideas, but she articulates them so much better. What is so special about Becky is not only does she have the strength to be a mistress for her husband, she does it with so much grace and beauty.

Hope you all enjoyed this posting, and that it may help some of you in your personal relationships.
Too many men concentrate on making a lot of money thinking it will make them happy. From my experiences some of the happiest and most contended men are those who have learned to serve the lady in their life. What do you think? Is there a brave new world coming where men will be more open to sharing of their needs, articulating their feelings. Once again fedmom is not about working a man half to death. As Becky likes to tell me we are not delicate flowers who can only sit, look pretty, while men work.  We are not afraid of housework, childcare and making a living in the competitive world, but we expect a man to do his fair share.


Love, Kathy


Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Lessons Learned..

John and I had a busy weekend. We took a couple of days off from work to make a beach trip with his sister and her husband. In a way it was like old times, but neither of us have small children. Instead of hours playing ball on the beach, it was a quick walk, a couple of tropical drinks followed by early dinners at nice restaurants. There was even one afternoon of shopping while the guys played golf. We had a good time, but the trip brought back memoires of when the children were small. In a way it made me feel a little sad.

This afternoon I would like to talk about a subject that is very sensitive to me. When John was first allowed back in the home the rule was no talking about his experiences with Tara and her girls.
Over the years as the hurt faded into something of a distant memory I waned to know more. Slowly, I encouraged John to tell me more. In the beginning it was hard for him to talk. He talked about the work he did in the studio; cleaning toilets, moping floors, polishing silverware, etc. What I wanted to know about were the feelings. Over a period of several months John opened up more and more about Tara and the relationships he had formed.

In the very beginning John went to Tara's studio as a client. While he enjoyed the experience his reaction was the same as many of the men who visit a professional. He wanted more. He wanted the experience to become more real. He did not like the idea of spending a couple of hours with a mistress, and then going back to the so called vanilla world. Sensing this Tara offered him an opportunity to become one of her house boys. There were several. Accepting this position required him to make a commitment in terms of time as well as money. From what he tells me there was some flexibility, but in the ordinary course of things he was expected to spend a certain number of days per month working for her. On many of these over nights John pretended to be on business trips.

As a houseboy John was expected to perform whatever task Tara required of him. A basic responsibility was cleaning the toilets, moping the floor, doing window, mowing the grass, and even weeding the garden. It was real work, not pretend work. John confessed that if a toilet was not properly cleaned, Tara had no hesitancy about having the house boy put his face into it. Why did you do all of this for her, I asked. The answer was always that he had a need to serve. What do you mean, I would ask. Sometimes there would simply be a blank look on his face, but the answer gradually came out. He felt a true- genuine need- to be at the beck and call of a dominant woman who owned him.  So many of you who read this blog have told me the same thing. You want more than a play session, you want to be owned by a woman who has the self confidence to rule you. Am I correct in this?

At some point the follow up question was put to John. You never wanted to do those nasty jobs at home, I quizzed. The answer was always something like Mistress Tara ordered me to do them, and she held me accountable. Over time the realization came to me that as a wife I was not sufficiently demanding. John may have loved me, but Tara was his mistress. In his mind Tara was the woman who owned him, whom he wanted to serve. What I came to realize that being a man's mistress was distinct from being his wife. If I wanted John to be truly mine one hundred percent it was necessary to become his mistress as well as his wife. The prospect of becoming his mistress in real life was a little scary. Being a mistress in a studio is one thing. At the end of the day the professional mistress can put down the whip to become the soccer mom for her children. The real life mistress has the responsibility twenty four hours a day.

The other question that I put to John was did he love Tara. No, not in the same way he loved me, but over time he had developed feelings for her. He wanted to please her, he wanted to be owned by her. He felt pain when she was disappointed in his work. He would work all day for the opportunity of spending a few minutes worshipping her feet, or taking his dinner from the scraps left on her plate. John confessed to me that the time spent on his knees in front of her made him feel more alive than he had felt in years.

It was not until the last few years that John found the courage to tell me about the mistress who took him home as her personal slave. She and her room mate were both college girls. One was in law school at the time. With work and school both of these young women had intensely busy schedules.
For them having a personal male slave to keep the apartment clean, run errands, chauffer, was almost a necessity in their lives. My husband became their slave. Both of these women were black. They told him that white boys made better slaves then did black guys. The white ones they told John was more docile and obedient. After some time John confessed that having a black mistress was a special turn on. In some ways I wondered if it was ever possible to compete with that. My experience in the studio was that men loved to have a mistress of a different race. I am not sure why.

After some time I found the courage to ask John the same question he was asked about Tara. Did you love her, I asked. Because of our relationship, the intimacy, I knew that John could not lie to me. However, his silence spoke volumes about the relationship. I decided not to press for an answer.
Someone suggested to me that the purpose of Femdom 101 is to punish John. Someone else has suggested that the purpose of this blog is to give me final closure on what was a difficult time in my life. The greatest gift ever given to me has been my husband and my children. By becoming my husband's mistress I have found a special type of joy. We live, we learn, we grow. In the end I kept the man I fell in love with so many years ago.


Love and Kisses to all of you who read this blog. Sometimes I want to take each of you in my arms and say that it will be alright.


Kathy








Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Lessons Learned.

Thank all of you for the comments to the last posting. It is not necessary to agree with me in order to make a comment. Each comment deserves a reply of some type. From now on, time permitting, I will try to make some type of a reply to each of the comments. It is good for discussion, and learning by all of us. What each of you need to understand is that I am not the answer person. My  ideas about punishment and discipline are just that, my ideas. From experience I know what seems to work with my husband. And, over the years I have had countless discussions with friends and more emails than anyone can count. This helps. Yet, there is more about femdom that I don't understand than what I do .There were some very good comments on the last posting that are well worth the read. My responses to those comments make me seem different from the sweet, grandmotherly type of mistress that many of you see me as.

Once again, some of the comments come form men who are in femdom relationships, and some come from want a bees of some type. One of the criticisms that recently came to me was from Alex. In truth it was a little difficult to understand his email, but the tone seemed to be that he values the whip as an instrument of intimacy. If I understood correctly his assumption is that I don't see the whip as an instrument of intimacy.  My short answer is that I do understand the value of the whip in creating intimacy. It is just that the whip is not for me. Does that me less than the perfect wife or mistress?
Maybe. The issue for me is that it is too easy to get in love with the idea of punishing a man with a whip. As women in femdom relationships we need to understand our own level of maturity. We need to understand the difference between discipline. punishment and abuse. A husband maybe punished and may be disciplined, but he should never be abused. Not at least in a loving female led home.
The whip is such a powerful tool in the hands of a female that it can easily lead to abuse.

In my first weeks in the studio the power of the whip was demonstrated to me on several occasions.
On the first occasion Tara told me to watch the male's reaction to being whipped. This client was a single man, recently divorced, who was not afraid of having marks on his back. Tara's assistant let him have it while we watched. At the conclusion of the whipping neither of us gave him instructions as to what to do. This man, who was in some pain, intrinsically made the more to crawl hand and knees to the mistress who administered his punishment. Without being told or given permission he began kissing her feet. At that moment this man was in such an evaluated state of sub space that he would obey any command given to him or suffer any humiliation at her hand. Yet, there was a connection there between him and the young lady who wheeled the whip.

In a general way it was difficult to understand what was in the man's heart as he knelt there kissing the feet of his tormentor. In my opinion it  was something of  a spiritual  connection in which he saw this young lady as something of a magnificent goddess who was giving her undeserving slave needed correction. By kissing her feet he was trying to thank her for considering him worthy of the whip.
This, I believe, is the type of relationship Alex is looking for in woman. In most ways this is a fantasy type of relationship that doesn't work long term in a loving female led relationship. Yes, there is intimacy, there is fear, and there is hope. Yet, what happens when this woman becomes to love the whip too much. What happens when this man begins to live in terror of his wife's whims?


Kathy

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

After Thoughts.

The first day, walking into the studio, my confidence level was a zero on a scale of one to ten. The women were younger, prettier, and a lot more sexy. Tara explained that an older person had more real life experiences to bring to the job, and that gave me an advantage. She also gave me tips on how to dress. As a young girl going to college in the era of short skirts, my skirts were as short as anyone's. Like most girls of my age I liked the feeling of being able to turn a man's head. I had nice, long legs. Tara encourage me to dress a little more daringly. Her establishment was not a dungeon, it was a studio where the girls were encouraged to play with the client's mind, to make fantasies come true for them. Heels were also important Tara told me. High enough to be sexy, but low enough where by you still looked like a lady rather than a tramp. After years living as a soccer mom it took me a while to find the right balance. In the studio, she explained, it was important to look like a professional person.
In her opinion men wanted to be dominated by real women rather than prostitutes who were dressing up for a part in a play.

As I shopped for a shorter skirt or two memories of college came back into my head. My friend and I would take a seat at a table in the library. All of the tables were open. We would cross our legs in a lady like fashion, but the skirts were so short back then that you had to be careful not to show more than you wanted. Once we took a seat it would seldom be long before a guy would just happen to take a seat on the table across from us so that he could peak. If the guy was cute we would 'accidently like' pull up our skirts an extra inch or two. It never failed to get a guy's attention. We didn't think about it back then, but it was a way of controlling a guy. Of course, making a guy turn his head was as much control over him as we wanted. It was never imagined that we could have used our feminine power to have some of these men clean our apartments, run errands, and even do class assignments. The world of femdom was not something that I ever imagined existed.

One of the things we did in the studio was humiliation play. Much of it, like puling a man with a dog leash was done inside the walls of the studio or in the small private patio. Sometimes though we would take them out on the street. The leashes were thin and hard to notice unless you were close. The first time I held a man's leash in public I was as embarrassed as he was. After a few times the feeling of embarrassment went away, and I simply enjoyed the feeling of empowerment that comes with the experience. You quickly learned not to speak with the guy, but simply tuged the leash when you wanted him to move in one direction or the other. It was only a few years ago that I shared these experiences with Becky. 'Mom, you really put leashes on men and took them walking around the quarter' she asked in amazement. It was at the same time that I told her about the blog. It was also the reason for the take down of the earlier part of the blog. There were things out there that she needed to know, but she needed to hear them from me, not read them on a blog.

Over a period of just a few weeks the experience gave me a certain type of confidence. When you are constantly with other women who have a lifestyle that treats men as slaves it quickly seems normal.  The expected way for a client to greet a mistress in the studio was in Command Position with his toes, knees, and elbows touching the floor. His head was supposed to be as close to the floor as possible. Some of the older, heavier men could not bend their head to the floor. It was hysterical watching them try. We would sometimes give them a little swat on the rear end to encourage them to try harder. The point of all this is that after only a few weeks, a very short time the world of the studio seemed very normal to me. In the same way my daughter now takes it as normal that her husband will kneel when she points to the floor. A couple of short years ago she would have considered this idea as totally ludicrous.

The studio experience did change my level of confidence in a couple of ways. In the past I assumed that it was normal for men to be in charge. It was normal for men to receive promotions over women.
In many ways I considered men as the privileged gender, and they were. It is only now that the world is talking about white male privilege. Working in the studio taught me that is was acceptable, even normal for women to be in charge. It was even normal for women to be in charge of men in the work place. In the sixties it would have been unheard of for a man to work under the supervision of a woman. Now it is so common that no one even things about it. The purpose of this blog is to promote the idea of men living under the authority of women in their personal relationships. In a matter of speaking this is the next frontier.

Love and Kisses,

Kathy

Sunday, May 1, 2016

After Thoughts

I want to thank all of you for the heartfelt comments.

The world of flm or femdom is a different experience for most women. Almost every woman who embarks on the journey handles it differently. Some women make the decision to collar their man, some put a chastity device on him, and some do neither. I am the last person to say what is best.
What I do believe is that some men have an inborn need to surrender themselves to the control of a woman. Here to fore society has been critical of these men, and to some extent continues to be. Yet we are living in a world where to be homosexual seems almost a badge of honor, and  public debate centers on which restroom certain people should use. I can only imagine what my parents would think if they were some out teleported from the fifties to the present. Why then is the public so slow to accept the concept of a man taking his marching orders from a woman and living under her control? If anyone can answer this question please do so.

In the last series, 'In the beginning' I talked about my introduction to submissive men. In a heartbeat I was transported from a quite suburban world to the mysterious environment of women who whipped, trained, and humiliated men for a living. On that first visit with Tara she made the offer for me to come work with her, to learn, and become one of her girls. By the time the car turned into the garage of my now husbandless home my heart provided an answer. That evening I made the call. 'When would you like me to start' I asked. The experience had a profound effect on me.

In a few months I learned much about the opposite sex. Who ever thought that grown men would want to be leashed, led around like little puppies, and then be made to lick the dust off women's shoes. I was taught to often use the word 'dickless' when addressing men. Tara told me that many of her clients craved humiliation of the worst kind. Why, I asked. The simple answer was she didn't know, but it was some how part of their DNA. My husband she told me was one of these men. This at first caused something of a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. After all, my husband had been my lover, my hero, and my protector for many years. How was it that I missed the fact that  he was one of the so called 'dickless' men who craved humiliation and female domination. Even today my husband craves the embarrassment of reading about himself on this blog.

The first time I slid a collar and leash on to a man's neck took all of my courage. I was embarrassed for the man. Tara told me don't worry, you will quickly get over it. Only a month or so latter a houseboy failed to meet me at a parking place on a rainy afternoon. He turned right instead of left. It was not really his fault in that the instructions got mixed up. Anyway, because of the rain my shoes got somewhat dirty with sticky wet grass.  It annoyed me. A few minutes later, after my arrival in the studio a fifty something year old houseboy came rushing in with an umbrella in his hand. I remember the terrified look on his face as he fell down to his knees in front of me. With the most disdainful voice any woman could muster, I pointed to the soiled shoes, and gave him the simple command to lick them clean. A couple of  the girls, including Tara, who were nearby came out with an almost hysterical laughter. The poor unfortunate man continued licking my shoes until I kicked him away.

The point of this story is that after having spent only a few weeks in the environment of the studio it felt completely normal to have a grown man lick my shoes and just as normal to kick him away.
The girls were not laughing at the poor man who was down on his knees, but at the transition the  new recruit had made in only a few weeks. The other point of this story is that this act of selfishness on my part actually made me feel good. In a strange way it felt so very empowering to be able to control a two hundred pound man. After kicking him away I even raised my foot so that he could lick under the under soul of my shoe. On the way home that night I though more about the incident. What had I turned into, I asked my self. It was one thing to have a man lick and suck a high heel. It was another thing to actually enjoy having a man perform that humiliating task. Had I become a bitch, I wondered to myself.

On the long drive home that evening I thought of the experiences of the day. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't really see that houseboy, whom I kicked, as a man. In my eyes he was just a slave who was there to hold an umbrellas or lick my shoes clean. As for my feelings for he could just as well have been an imamate object. Then I though of the way some of the girls would have a male go down on all fours just so that they could use a strong back as a bench. The gentlemen in the studio was a stranger to me who came in town a few days each month to work at the studio. His wife most probably though he was working on some business deal while he was actually scrubbing toilets.
Then, I wondered if it would ever be possible to respect a man who was willing to lick the souls of my shoes on command. Would I ever be able to think of this type of a man as a husband, my husband?

Most of us are not naturally dominant. The experience taught me that working with  men, training them, and working them could arouse feelings in me that did not fit the picture of who I was as a person. This, for one thing is part of the reason that my husband is never whipped or spanked. In a sense I don't really trust my self. I could learn to like doing it too much. My daughter is much more even tempered. In many ways I have learned as much from her as she as form me.

Love and Kisses,


Kathy