Thursday, October 8, 2015

Things Your Momma Never Told You...

When first introduced to the idea of femdom most women have a negative view of it. They think of femdom as a way for a husband to work out a sick kink. Looking in from the outside femdom relationships appear strange and freighting. Most of the web sites make them seem even more fighting. Looking in from the outside you don't see the love, the caring, and the intimacy associated with these relationships. The truth is that John and I have a very special bond. His life is about pleasing me. Submissive men take a special pleasure in  pleasing the women in their life. For my husband this also includes Becky. Submissive men take pride in their service. They measure success in life by how well they please mistress, not about how much money they earn, or how fast of a car they drive. This is something that every woman should think about.

One of the criticisms of femdom 101 has been the use of the slave word. In a manner of speaking John is my slave as well as my husband. Some argue that it is an ugly word, and that the word submissive should be substituted in its place. In a sense though my ownership of John extends well beyond simply being a collared submissive. In our personal life John has little freedom to come and go,  spend money, or arrange a social schedule. His responsibilities, his chores and duties are planned for him. He is told what to do and when to do it. Any changes from his preapproved schedule requires permission. Any spending of money beyond a small amount requires permission. Except for preapproved purchases such as gas and groceries he is not allowed to use a credit card. There are times when these controls frustrate him. He, however, has never rebelled against my authority. He understands that any type of rebellion would not last long, and there would be severe punishment associated with it. Above all, however, is the fear of displeasing his mistress. John has made a gift to me of his freedom. Many men, like John, are happiest under the structured life that comes with living under the authority of a wife.

The comment to the last posting by Mistress Sandra should give each of you something to think about. In one of the paragraphs she described some of her group's gatherings as a celebration of the life style. Submissive men as well as their female keepers have a cause for celebrating the rule of women in every day life. Men, not just women, are happiest and most content with life under female authority. It may be only my imagination but since collaring her husband I can see a different type of glow on Becky's face. Much of the tension associated with equalitarian marriage is gone. Not only is her husband at Becky's beck and call, but he is truly involved with the family. His television time is limited, and his days of playing for ever on the computer are over. He is not allowed turn on either the television or the computer without  Becky's permission. This is a  simple yet effective rule that most women should have in their homes. I will repeat it. (No television or computer play without permission). These are activities that take time away from the family.

Most of you, even if your wife does not have the rule should ask before turning on the game box, the television , or the computer. How many of you follow this practice? How many of you are willing to start this practice in your homes?

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Things Your Momma Never Told You..

As I  am preparing to make this posting Mistress Sandra's comment appeared on the blog.
In my opinion it would be good for each of you to carefully read what she has to say, think about it, and see how what she says relates to your own marriage. Above all, each of you should take the time to thank her for the contribution to Femdom 101.

One of the differences between my generation of wives and that of Becky's is that her generation has been scared by divorce. Most of her friends from high school or college have been divorced. Some of them have now been divorced twice with children from two broken marriages. When she was married Becky asked me for advice. What is the secret to the happiness you share with daddy, she asked me. That was in 2008. That was well before the time most of our marriage arrangement had been shared with the children. The only real answer to give her was that your father and I love each other very much, and we are willing to accommodate each other's needs as we grow older.

Jumping ahead a few years Becky came to me again for advice. David, she told me, wants much of the type of marriage that you and daddy have. He wants me to be his mistress like you are with daddy. Once again, her request gave me pause for thought. I chose my words very carefully. There are men in the world who need to have a wife who takes charge of almost every part of their life, I told her. 'Your daddy is one of these special men', I told Becky. If you believe David is also one of these men you need to ask your self a few questions.

On that day the conversation went on for more than an hour. If David is sincere about becoming your submissive, how do you feel about becoming his mistress. How would you feel about taking on the responsibility of being head of house and his personal mistress. Would you be happy as a mistress wife. In essence, Becky like most wives was not really sure of the answesr. She was willing to give it a try.  I did tell her that being her daddy's mistress is a very satisfying experience for me.
Being a mistress to a very sweet and naturally obedient man is different from being a mistress to a man who simply want to work out a few kinks.

If you are serious about finding out more about David and his need for female control there are ways of testing a man. Give him responsibilities around the house. Make him responsible for cleaning, for taking care of your clothes, or baby siting. Make sure he understands that taking on these duties is important because it is what you want. If he truly has the desire to please you he will try his best.

Being a mistress to a man, becoming head of house is an added responsibility. In the process of developing a femdom marriage the husband also takes on added responsibilities. He becomes accountable to the wife. He has the responsibility of pleasing her. The husband will soon learn that becoming subject to another person's authority in every day life is also a burden. Your daddy will tell you, I told Becky, that I am very strict with him. What we have together, I told Becky, is not some type of game we play on certain days.

What was most important to me was to make the point with Becky that her father's obedience to me is very real. There are many times when he would rather be out playing golf when he finds himself cleaning house. And, make no mistake about it, I told Becky, there are times when it is necessary to punish a man. In the beginning it is often difficult for a mistress wife to find the courage to punish. If you do take on the burden of becoming David's mistress, I told Becky, it was absolutely imperative that you are willing to punish when necessary.

My other recommendation to Becky was that she talk with her father. By this time Becky understood that her father was more than my submissive, he was my slave. Aside from his work life, her father was trained to be completely obedient to my commands. This may seem strange to many of you, but remember my training came from a young woman who was a professional dominatrix. It was Tara's belief that most men were fundamentally submissive to women, and that the world would be a far better place if men were properly trained for obedience. Her own husband was an excellent  of a man who lived a life of total devotion and service. In the next post I will talk a little about one of first experiences with him.

If nothing else there was another essential point that Becky needed to get out of our conversation.
In my world male submissiveness is a positive not a negative. She needed to understand that her father is a lovely, sweet man who lives to please. Among men he is a treasure. He is not to be looked down upon because of his submissive nature. In time it is my belief that more women will come to understand this. The next generation of women, her daughter's generation will be clamoring for husbands who are obedient and live for the pleasure of serving. Training a man in a femdom relationship is not about humiliating him, or trying to make his life miserable. It is about giving him opportunity to live the life he truly wants and needs. Tell me, do most of you get this?

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Things Your Momma Never Taught You.

It is no secret to anyone who has followed this blog that my special friends are very close to me. These are ordinary women with husbands and families who have one things in common.
In each case these are women who are head of household and mistresses to their husbands.  Each of special friends has different ways of doing things. Some believe in spanking, one uses a chastity device, and another one believes in the ultimate superiority  of women over men. Yet, with these differences we come together, discuss intimate details of our lives, and respect one another as people.

In a sense I was very surprised how easily Becky seemed to fit in with this group. She doesn't have the years of experience, yet she had enough personal knowledge to stay with the discussion. When the subject of punishment came up Becky had enough experience to contribute her thoughts. In a way I was surprised to learn how strict a disciplinarian she really has become.  She believes strongly that men in femdom relationships need to be held accountable. She sees the problem with many marriages today as the result of boys growing into manhood without ever having responsibilities. These young men then enter marriage thinking of their wife as something of a caregiver rather than as a partner.

In the group Becky said she loved her husband very much, but that didn't mean he gets a free ride. It is good, she said, for men to be punished for their less than acceptable behavior. For one thing, she said, punishment lets a man know that you care. It is especially important, she said, that men set the example for the children. Men, she told the group, subject to a wife's authority need to start thinking of themselves as leaders. Too many of her friend's husbands are lazy, she said. They don't know what it is to work around the house. For these men football and sports on television have become their purpose for living. They are more involved with the television than their own children.. They set a poor example, and they are poor role models. She expressed the view that many of her friends find them selves in divorce court because their husbands act more like children than adults.

I was more than a little surprised when Becky addressed Carmen's husband as sweetie. I could also see, however, how this older gentlemen loved being addressed that way by a younger woman.  When  sweetie brought her a glass of wine or something she simply smiled. Becky knew enough not to thank him. Being allowing to serve is a privilege for a man. There is never a need for a wife or mistress to say thank you. A well trained man thanks the lady for being allowed to serve. The other girls were a little jealous of Becky as she received the best service  from Camen's husband. By the end of the party we were all laughing and talking about how Bruce always seemed to come to Becky's chair first.

Men love to serve women. When given a choice they prefer to serve younger and prettier woman, but their first choice is serving women who are feminine and authoritative at the same time. This once again is something most of us never learn from our mommas.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Things Your Momma Never Taught You

Thank all of you for the recent comments.

Once you get away from the blog it is very difficult to get back into it.

This past weekend Becky came in for a brief visit. It was a reunion of soughs with some of her friends from high school. They try to get together every year for a visit. Like my group of special friends they usually meet with just the girls, no husbands or children. It is easier to talk without the presence of the guys. It is not that we don't love them. It is just that most of the time the guys have a way of getting in the way if you know what I mean. It also helps that by not being included the guys are available for baby sitting duty.

By coincidence one of my special girl friends from Tara days had scheduled a luncheon in her home for Saturday. When I called Carmen to decline the invitation she politely invited me to include Becky. The conversation went something like, 'didn't you tell me that her husband is submissive'.
'Well yes' I responded weakly, not being sure how Becky would feel about having lunch with these friends. For the most part they are not quite my age, but they are still quite a bid older than Becky. To my surprise Becky's response was along the lines that she would love to meet them. Well, I told Becky that with this group you need to be prepared for anything. After all these are women who willingly accompanied their husbands to a dominatrix studio.

As I gave Becky the warning she just laughted. 'Momm, I am sure they will be fine' Becky replied. At the bottom of my heart I knew they would be fine. It was just that I was not quit psychologically ready to open up this door to my life with Becky. Back then John's infidelity had taken a toll. These ladies, my special friends had been part of the healing process. The problem for me is that we know   so much about one another's lives. Over the years we have laughed together, we have cried together, and we have healed together. With these friends on Saturday afternoon and a few glasses of wine the conversation can and will go almost any where.

One of the only rules we have for these little get togethers is no men are allowed in the room or in hearing range. The wife giving the party will usually have her husband prepare a lunch,  have him serve and clean up, but is only allowed to enter the room when summoned. As an extra measure of security it is also common to have a radio or music playing in the kitchen where husband is attending to his duties. One of the little secrets that most women do not know is that submissive men love to serve at these female only parties. This is a secret my mom never taught me.

Over the years Carmen's husband has met all of us. As a new comer I introduced Becky to the group.
Of course I introduced her has my daughter, Becky. I had to laugh a few minutes later when Carmen introduced her husband to Becky. 'This is my husband, Bruce she said. Bruce, this is Miss Kathy's daughter, Miss Becky'. For my ears it sounded a little strange to hear this sixty something year old man say something like pleased to meet you, ma'am. To my surprise Becky responded with a please to meet you, sweetie. From then on she seemed to be a member of the group who had enough life experiences to actively participate in the conversation.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Sunday Morning

Well, here it is Sunday morning. 

It has been over a month since my last posting. I have been spending more time with my daughter's family in Atlanta. They both work out side of the home. They have had problems finding a sitter for the children. This has given me an opportunity to be a grand mother. It has also given me a unique and very personal look into many aspects of their marriage. It is very much of femdom nature. In the home Becky makes the decisions. David does as told and they both seem to like it that way. In the privacy of the home, and on most non work days, David wears her collar. In a sense wearing a collar gives men a sense of security. It lets him know that his wife is truly acceptant of his submissive nature and who he is as a person. Within the last few years the use of collars has been supplanted by locking chastity devices. Weather or not my daughter uses one of these is not something I need to know about. As a mother I try to stay out of their more personal business.

Searching through various femdom blogs a few weeks ago I came upon one called Conquer Him.
It is very slick and very professional, and it is also very well written. It appears to be written from a female prospective. What is unique about the blog is that it offers women a training program.
More than that it gives women an opportunity to interact with other women who are dealing with submissive men. Having a group of friends is what enabled me to survive the early days of my FLM.
We laughed, we cried, and most of all we bonded as intimate friends. In making the journey from wife to mistress wife there is no substitute for friends who you can talk with openly. I am very pleased that Becky has now made a friend who is struggling with a submissive husband. While in Atlanta the three of us met for coffee one morning. From time to time I read on the internet about couples meeting with other couples. My recommendations is to leave the men at home. Women can talk more openly when the guys are not in the picture.

On almost all of the blogs there is talk about communications. And, yes I agree it is important to have open and honest discussions with your man. As least once a day John and I have a discussion concerning what is happening in our lives. I would not trade in this personal time for anything in the world. In a relationship with a man, however, there is a time when you simply need to tell him the discussion is over. As women, though, we still need time to talk about things with other women.
When we enter a femdom living arrangement many of us shut out our friends in the name of privacy.

Love you all for reading. Be good to your selves. Learn to have an honest and genuine respect for female authority in your lives. What I believe is that for truly submissive men the need for female authority extends beyond one person. John, for example, is naturally submissive to all of the women in his personal life. This includes Becky. Male submission to the female is not just about sexual attraction. For those of you who have adult daughters learn to treat them with the same degree of respect as your wives.

Anyway, my thoughts for this Sunday morning. Let me hear from each of you.

Love,  Kathy

Monday, August 17, 2015


Overnight I had been away for the computer. Needless to say I am very pleased with the number and quality of the comments that appeared on my screen this morning. Thank all of you very much for sharing. As individuals one of the things we need to do more of is share. We need to be more aware of the needs of our neighbors, our friends, and people in our community. Men need to be more aware of the needs of their wives, and wives of their husbands. Few wives realize they can bring a smile to their man's face simply by having him hold a purse while they use a restroom or search the racks for clothing. Few man understand how appreciative their wives often are of them doing a simple chore around the house that makes their day just a little bit easier.

As all of you know I read a large number of comments and emails from men. I read the comments on Femdom 101 as well as several other blogs. Most of the comments share one important universal. When guys talk about their wife or mistress they almost always describe her as beautiful. I suspect that the looks of many of these women are quite normal, even plain. Never the less in the eyes of the submissive man his mistress is the most beautiful woman in the world. Is it her demeanor, her feminine charm that so captivates the male. I have often asked my self why is this. What is so special about this one woman that can so capture the love and attention of one particular man? What is it about one certain woman that makes a man want to drop to his knees in adoration of her.

One of the recent comments came from Mark Remond. In the comment he described the latest blog post as being arousing for the submissive man. In the past, on occasion, I have been told that certain posts were 'hot'. In each case I have reviewed the post, often read it out loud in an effort to determine what about it may have been 'hot'.  My desire is to try to keep the blog in a more of a vanilla mode. I use the term family friendly. Many of the male readers tell me that they share the blog with their wives. I share this blog with my daughter and hope one day in the distant future she can share it with her daughter. It is my hope that one day in the future my daughter's daughter will enjoy the devotion of one special man whose life is a quest for her pleasure.

We all have our blessings in life. My blessing is a sweet, loving submissive man who believes I am the most beautiful woman in the universe.(LOL) We share our life with one another. This blog, Femdom 101, is my way of sharing my gift with the community. Love all of you for reading.

Love,  Kathy

Sunday, August 16, 2015


Thank all of you who were kind enough to share your thoughts on this series. Accepting a person who is a little different from the norm can lead to a beautiful relationship. Most of the submissive men I have interacted with over the years have been sweet and kind. Their simple need is to find a lady who is willing to lead them, be their moral compass, and accept them for who they are.
What doing this blog has taught me that there are a lot more of these men in the world then anyone would guess.

The other thing that should be mentioned is that we are now only beginning to see the power given to woman by the use of chastity devices. Not only do men want to be locked, but women are beginning to understand the benefits of having a spouse who is kept under lock and key.  Few are willing  to talk about it in polite society, but the use of so called male chastity devices is spreading quickly. Whether used for a day at a time or for long term prevention, these devices are changing the way men and women interact. My suspicion is that within a few more years the use of these devices will become common with young people who are in long term relationships.

I was a little disappointed by the lack of comments on this series. Becky previewed each of the post.
She felt that each of the posting were too long for the attention of most readers. She is probably correct.  There were, however, some wonderful emails. There was one email in particular that made a strong impression on me. This gentlemen is already in a femdom relationship. One of his statements is that when kneeling at his wife's feet he feels higher than any other man. I thought that was one of the most simple, yet profound statements any husband has made concerning devotion to his wife.

In Becky's words 'learning to be a mistress is learning to enjoy a whole new dimension in life'.
We tend to stay with the old. The old is comfortable. New ideas about loving and living are scary. We are not naturally dominant. Yet, as women we have the power to lead men. We have the power to change the world for the better.

Love, Kathy