Thursday, July 18, 2019

For Joel

Once again here I am on the computer. Life in retirement is so different from the world of work, of deadlines, endless meetings, and client visits. There are times when I miss the activity. Yet, there are also times when it is just nice to relax with a cup of coffee and open the internet. There are so many of you who tell me your stories. What I have noticed of late is that there are many of you have experienced some type of a femdom relationship that has lapsed. There was not a breakup, but it was simply a matter of not enough fuel to keep the fire burning.

To answer Joel's question it is my belief that femdom can bring a couple closer together. Femdom, like any marriage requires a bit of work. If you just let it drift along the relationship will not mature.
It may not lead to divorce, but both parties will give up trying. This morning John made an early morning trip to the market. He needed to pick up some milk, some eggs, and biscuits for morning breakfast. He also surprised me with bouquet of beautiful roses. They were waiting on my writing desk. Yes, it may have been a small thing, but it made my day. How long has it been since you surprised your mistress with fresh flowers? If it has been more than a couple of weeks today should be the day.

My challenge for each of you today is to bring flowers to your wife or your girl friend. The flowers need not be from a florist as grocery store flowers for no occasion on often better than expensive flowers for a special occasion. Tell her that you love her, that she is the light of your life, and that she means everything to you. And, if, and only if she is your mistress thank her for letting you serve her.


Love, Kathy

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Thank You Steve

A short note to thank Steve for his well thought out comment.

As Steve says in his comment he often has wondered about submissive men and homosexuality. Yet, of course he says, if the good Lord didn't want these things why is it that he created so many man with these attributes.

And, to John who posted as Unknown, most older men have more difficulty with kneeling straight up than submitting in the form of Command Position. In Command Position a man's weight is more evenly spread out than it is when kneeling straight up. It is difficult for my John to remain kneeling straight up for more than a few minutes, but he likes to show me he is trying. Like me, my guess is that your wife appreciates your efforts to please her even though you no longer have the strength of a younger man.

What is amazing me is the rapidly changing view of what is considered socially acceptable in polite society. A few years ago the sexual orientation of the women's soccer team would have been hidden. Today, it is being praised and hailed as wonderful example of healthy diversity. Why is it then that mistress wives are so keen on hiding their lifestyle from friends and relatives? Why is it that femdom is the alternates lifestyle choice that no one wants to openly talk about? Most of us are even afraid to share use of this lifestyle choice with our own daughters.

The other remark that I wanted to add to the Pizza Man post is that being a lifestyle mistress is not about catering to a man's continued fantasies. There is an element of understanding his fantasies, and there is room for play. However, the central core of an adult femdom relationship is simply about letting a man know that you are the boss. Going back to the previous story, the last thing John wanted was to see me on a date with another man. In a very firm way I let him know that what I did in my personal life was not his concern. In fact, I remember giving him a stern lecture to that effect along with some time in the corner for him to properly reflect on what it was I had told him. On these dates I also made sure he had plenty of chores to perform as well as lines to write. One of the  punishments john hates is writing lines. This works out well for me in that it is one of the easiest punishments to give and to administer. He also understands that if the lines are scribbled instead of neatly written he starts over from scratch. Over the years he has probably written 'I will always obey and respect mistress' thousands of times. Both the words 'obey' and 'respect' should be central to the vocabulary of any submissive man.

I get so many questions related to the same topic. How can I get her to dominate me, or take control of me. While I am never sure of the complete answer to that question the starting point is to love Her, to make Her the center of your life, and show Her that you live to please Her. Offer to do chores for her. Take care of the children. It you have small children be the one who takes them to the rest room when you are out to dinner. Yes, this is uncomfortable, but being the mother of a woman with small children I can tell you she will appreciate this more than  hundred foot rubs. There is nothing more sexy than the sight of a man carrying a diaper bag.

Finally, I can offer you that being a real submissive husband to a mistress wife is not a joy ride. It requires actual work on both his part and her part. Because it requires so much effort, the biggest challenge for her is discipline. If she is only playing the role of the mistress the husband will get lazy. If she learns to enforce her demands with discipline and real punishment she will evolve the relationship into something real. This, my babies, is what I have learned to do with husband. I wonder how many of you would have the inner strength to serve me in the same manner as John.





Love, Kathy

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

To My Pizza Author

This is just a quick posting to personally thank you for the well thought out comment.

When the blog was first started back in 2008 I wanted it to be a place for honest discussion about a very sensitive topic. I wanted it to be a safe place for all readers to share honest thoughts without attacking other readers. You, my baby, have struck a special chord with me. Your honesty is more than just refreshing. If gives me cause for self reflection. It gives me cause to look at the way I live with my husband on a day to day basis.

At the initial stage there was self doubts about becoming John's mistress. There was never a doubt in my mind that John needed a life partner whom could be both his wife and mistress. The doubt was alone the lines if I could be that person. And yes, over the years I have learned to be that person. I have learned to like being John's mistress. The personal freedom is a part of it. Yet, what sometimes gives me a guilty conscious is that I have learned to like being in control of another person. In my personal  life I have learned to be more confident in dealing with men. It is not that I want to become their mistress, it is more that I have learned how to deal with them.

One of my personal discoveries is that many so called normal men have something of a submissive side to their personality. If you know how to talk with them you can bring that side out. A smart women understands how to get her way with men. I also believe that many so called normal men have a need for female control that they have learned to suppress. In a sense I can't help wonder if you, my little pizza guy, might be one of these men? I don't know but you and my John are close to the same age.  My John tried to hide his submissive side for a long time. His paid mistress had the know how to develop that submissive side. Instead of role playing she taught him that there was nothing wrong with being a submissive man. She listened to his story. She counseled with him.
She made him one of her houseboys. John paid money for the privilege of cleaning her toilets.
But, she also helped him to more fully understand himself.

If you ask almost any women if she would like to be in a relationship with a submissive man the answer will almost always be negative. If you rephrase the question to something like would you want to be in a relationship with a man who loves you, who wants to please you, and make you the center of his life; the answer may often be quite different. In some ways reading your comment made me feel a little sad for you. If, way back then the rite women had taken you by the hand would your life have turned out differently. Could the rite woman have made you into her submissive? With time and with development of your submissive side could she even have made you into something of her sub husband or even slave? These are questions in which you know the answer to better than me. Then, upon reflection, I wonder if you really do know the answer to these questions.

By the reference to earlier postings you are obviously one my long term readers. And, by the fact that you remember what I said way back when tells me that you are interested in reading femdom material. This is not a criticism as much as it is a hint that maybe you are repressing your submissive nature. If so, I am especially happy that you found the courage to give me your prospective. Yes, I do believe that femdom is a healthy lifestyle choice for many couples. Having said that we are not into what many people call the scene. Except for a few friends from Tara days and family know one knows about the way we live our lives. Carol may guess that John is little henpecked, but she has no idea that he is trained to fall to his knees at the snap of my fingers.

And yes, I do remember the postings from way back when. This gentlemen and I went out several times. In the beginning it wasn't supposed to be a date, but for one reason or the other several coworkers cancelled out at the last minute. That left him and I alone together on a beautiful spring evening. Instead of going to the more formal restaurant my company had booked, we went to one of my little favorites in the quarter. It was one of those special paces where you hear the music playing and the conversation flows from table to table. Walking back to the hotel that evening we came to a busy street. He used that as pretext to take my hand in his. And yes, after all of these years with one man, I enjoyed it. What I don't remember is saying that John was angry. What didn't come out in the blog was that we actually spent a night together. Not only did John know about it, but he packed my overnight bag. I also had him pick me up the next day from the hotel. What John didn't know was that I had made the decision not to see this man again.

The drive back to the house that day was in complete silence. In some ways I wanted John to be angry, but he was only hurt. In a sense I added insult to injury. One of the items I had him pack was my pleated skirt. It was this lovely pleated skirt that had caused him so much consternation. With instruction he had finally learned how to properly iron it. In return I was wearing it for another man.
When we arrived back at the house I had him carry the bag in, unpack it, clean my heels, and  wash the contents. It was important for him to know that I considered myself a free woman even thought every detail of his life was managed. What of course he didn't know back then was that he remained the love of my live, and making him into a cockled  husband was not something that I wanted. It was not the image I had of my self.  After all, I was still my mother's daughter. What would she have thought.

And, so thank you my sweetie for sharing. Thank you for finding the courage to come out of the lurkers closet. And, for all of you who are reading this post please take a moment to thank Pizza Man for sharing his well thought out comment. One of the things we can all acknowledge is that femdom is not for everyone.

Love, Kathy







Sunday, July 14, 2019

The Storm Has Passed

The storm has now passed.

We still need to watch the rivers, but there was not much wind and no hard rain. Storms like this have a way of creating boredom in everyone's life. Unfortunately, the storm may have passed, but we are still in for another day of rain. John needs to go to the gym. We both need exercise.

Earlier this morning John brought in my first cup of coffee of the day. As is usual he carefully maneuvered a deep, polite, and respectful curtsy. Why women resist having their men perform this exercise is beyond me. It is a simple act that shows respect for authority. This morning I brought John to Command Position with a snap of my fingers. In that position he must remain completely still until given the command either to rise or to kneel up. In Command Position he is allowed  to answer direct questions from me, but other wise he is not allowed to speak. As I was chatting with girlfriends this morning I kept him in Command Position for most of thirty minutes. On a very boing rainy day this is a good and simple way for a wife to exercise control over her man.

One of the gentlemen who has his own blog and sometimes writes to me tells me that his wife now allows him to kneel when they speak. I was pleased to hear that this response was the result of a book I recommended to them some months ago. Working in the studio I learned to appreciate physical manifestations of respect and devotion. In the studio, as opposed to the outside world, it was normal for men to kneel and follow commands given to them by women.

Having a man kneel while you speak is a way of engendering respect for you are as well as what you do for him. And you are both his wife and his mistress you deserve his respect and his complete obedience. He may be a good man, but he needs to remember that you are his mistress. You are the one who can punish or give him rewards. Over the last few years I have gravitated more toward rewards than to punishment. Last week we went out to dinner with another couple. 'Would I be allowed to have a drink or wine with dinner', John asked me. In my mind I quickly reviewed his chore list. 'Yes, you will be allowed one glass of wine', I told him. No more, however, as you will be driving. John's response was a thank you mistress. He also understood that any argument would result in having the privilege of a glass of wine taken away.

We may not use whips or chains in our relationship, but make no mistake about it, I rule John's life in its entirety. Freedom may be a good thing for some men. However, freedom for everyone is a generality that louses its meaning in the world of submissive men. For the submissive man craves female control, female authority in every aspect of his life. It is what his God made him for. For John I am the earthly representative of the Goddess who made him. Is this healthy? Is he happy living this way? Are we piling too much Pizza on top of the femdom relationship? These are all questions that I ask my self every so often.

What I do know is that becoming John's mistress has saved our marriage. What I also know is that I love this man. He is the father of my children, and I can not imagine life without him. And yes, as with oysters, I have learned to enjoy being my man's mistress.

Love you for reading.


Kathy

Friday, July 12, 2019

A Storm In Coming.

With the storm coming in there is not really a lot to do.

Earlier this week I gave John permission to purchase one of these Femdom guides that are becoming quite popular. From what I can tell he is very impressed with the lady who has written it. He tells me that she was a dominatrix as well as a lifestyle mistress to her husband until the time of his death. He also told me that one of her techniques for making the dominatrix experience real was very similar to what Mistress Tara did in the studio. It is interesting that years later he can not say Tara  without inserting the mistress word in front of her name. She may have been a for hire mistress, but she had a profound effect on him. A part of my challenge as John's wife and mistress was to live up to the bar she had set.

Every once in a while a child may say some words that mean a great deal to a parent. It goes back to when Becky was a teenager. A boy whom she was sweet on rejected her for another girl. It was a devastating experience for her. They had plans to attend the prom together, and all of a sudden he was making excuses. Wet talked a lot. I understood what she was going through. I also understood that the feelings for this one particular boy were transitory. Whatever it was I said made her feel better about the situation. 'Mom, you are wonderful,' she told me, 'You are my mom and my best friend all wrapped up in one person'. Becky and I could always talk about things-things that her girlfriends would never talk with their mother's about.

In retrospect one of the things I did correctly was to talk with Becky about what was happening with her father. This didn't happen at first. It only happened after a couple of years of living in the femdom lifestyle. It took courage. Becky was surprisingly understanding. She was supportive. 'I don't understand it, she told me, but if it makes you and daddy happy I am for it she told me. Back then I was more of a dominatrix than I was a mistress wife. I was strict with John. My feelings was such that men could not be trusted. My belief was that John's behavior needed to be monitored twenty four hours a day. She even offered to help. If you are ever away and want me to check on daddy I can do it, she told me. We need to stick together she once told me. But, back then I was not ready to involve Becky in what was my situation. Over the years I have learned to trust her judgment as it was my own.

The email from my friend saying we are our Mother's Daughters reminded me that femdom is not a mental sickness that should be hidden from the family. There is a place for adult daughters to learn about femdom. There is a time in life for them to  to take 'charge' of their fathers. It is a learning experience. It is a part of the process of maturing into women. The other day I received  an email from a long time reader who told me that he and his wife just returned from a trip to Italy.
From what I understand their relationship could be described as light femdom. While in Italy, he tells me, both he and his wife more or less forgot about femdom. The sad part is that this couple was in Italy traveling with their daughter who was a student there. What a wonderful time, I thought, for the mom to introduce the concept of female authority to their daughter.

Love you for reading.


Kathy


A Storm Is Coming

Where John and I live it is one of those strange days. The news casters say a storm is coming in.
Yet, by comparisons to previous storms this one is expected to be quite mild. Yesterday our neighbor Carol called on the cell. Would you mind sending John over to help her husband move some outdoor furniture she asked. Of course not, I replied, he will be rite over. What is it about our relationship that told her that it was not necessary to ask John, just me, I wondered.

Thank all of you for the great comments. Yes, like oysters, femdom is an acquired taste. And yes femdom looks and feels different from the inside than it does from the outside. And, words do have meaning. In the beginning it is difficult for a wife to think of her husband as her slave. One of my girl friends from Tara days emailed me in response to the recent series. You know Kathy, she said, we are our mother's daughters. We grow up with a sense of values and attitudes. In the eyes of our mothers we all want to be seen as good girls. While much of this is fine it sometimes keeps us from exploring alternative ways of living.

In the real world there is no reason why a woman can not be head of house as well as mistress to her man. There is really no law of nature against it. It is just the way we were raised. Like a good Catholic girl who goes to mass every Sunday because that's what her mother did and what she was taught was the right thing to do. Women feel guilty for not being the wife that they were conditioned to be as little girls. 'Good girls don't do that' we were told.

This morning John brought in my coffee as usual. As usual I had him kneel in front of my writing desk for a few minutes while we talked. 'Is there anything special I should do', he asked. He was talking in reference to the storm. 'No honey', I responded, 'I think you picked up everything yesterday'. 'Would you like permission to play golf today', I teasingly asked him. 'No thank you, mistress' he replied with a grin. What is most important in our relationship is letting John know that I love him. And, almost as important is to let him know each and every day that I am the boss. It is important for him to understand that as mistress and head of house I do as I please, In the same way it is just as important for him to be reminded that he does as told. Having him spend a few minutes on his knees is a gentle way of reminding him of his place in our relationship.


Love, Kathy

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

The Pizza Story.

One of the things about femdom is that it operates on so many different levels. The intensity of a femdom relationship maybe be relatively mild where by it consist principally of games and play dates. On those special days the wife plays the part of the mistress while the husband cleans house.
For a little bit of excitement the wife may add a flogger, or have her guy crawl around on all fours.
She may even wear special clothes while the guy remains naked. Yet, when the play session is over both husband and wife go back to their normal way of life. As long as this play works for everyone there is certainly nothing wrong with it. As a practical matter play of this type can serve as a gateway for expanding the boundaries of what a couple is willing to try. It is not unusual for a wife to find that she enjoys giving her husband a list of house hold duties to perform while she goes out with friends. In a sense this type of play adds a dose of reality to the relationship.

Sometime last year I received an email from a young lady who was in the early 'play' stage of her femdom experience. Out of the blue her husband asked if she would take away his credit cards and put him on an allowance. 'Why would he ask for that' was her question to me.  The answer to that question was very simple. The husband was looking for real control from his wife. And, for many men femdom games are just a start as to what they are looking for. My question to this lady was simply how do you feel about controlling the money. In a sense this activity of controlling the money was like adding a big spoonful of source to the pizza. The response from this lady was that she was ok with controlling the money as long as it didn't become a bone of contention between them.

As this lady and I emailed back in forth she mentioned that controlling the money was not a strange activity for her as her mother did the same when she was a child. What I suggested to her was to make the control more real by adding a separate checking account in her name only. And, every pay day have the money transferred from the joint account to her individual account. I also suggested that if there was a separate saving account or investment account have it in her name only. And, as a big step forward she might consider having her husband's weekly allowance tied directly to completion of his chore list. 'While, would he really go for that.' she asked me.

This lady and her husband were already in the habit of doing a Saturday morning play date. What all of their play dates involved I have no idea. What I suggested to her was to use the playdate as a special time to talk about his 'behavior'. Talk about his chore list for the week. Did he vacuum the house? Did he pick up the dishes after dinner? Was he on time for work? Did he louse his temper during the week? What was his overall attitude toward the chores. If you brought a girl friend over to watch a movie was he polite to her? For the most part I made the suggestion to build the chore list according to Her wants and Her needs. At the end of the week I suggested the idea of a special time for them to talk. It could be a part of their Saturday play date or not, but the suggestion to her was to keep the talk real. I even discouraged her from doing the talk in some type of a fake mistress voice.
By keeping the voice natural, I suggested, her husband would began to consider her natural feminine tone as his voice of authority. Was this something she could live with, I asked. Yes was the reply, I think.

What I was trying to do was to stress the idea that femdom needs to be about both you and him. If he wants true unbridled authority from the wife, what is it that she wants, I asked. Her response was along the lines that performing household chores was nice, but she wanted her husband to be more than just a maid who worked for an allowance. I didn't hear anything back from this lady for several months. In the updated email she told me that she gave up the entire femdom experiment. Yes, she told me that her husband was great around the house. It was nice to come home to a clean house. It was nice to have a husband who did the laundry, and allowed her time to visit with friends, but the reality was something she couldn't accept.

After dinner one evening she turned on the television while her husband was picking up the dishes and otherwise cleaning up the kitchen. Upon completion of his duties he came into the living room, knelt in front of her, and thanked her for allowing him to be her slave. Upon hearing the slave word, she lost it. At that moment, she realized, the femdom aspect of her relationship had gravitated too far from the fantasy into the reality. In the words of the commenter their was too much pizza in the relationship. That has to be a balance between what she wants and what  he wants. Or just maybe the correct words should be between his needs and what she is willing to give.

Love you all for reading.


Kathy