Saturday, September 20, 2014

More About Liz

Some people come to me for advice thinking that I have all of the answers related to femdom relationships. I don't. For the most part my experiences have been restricted to one very sweet submissive man and a small group of friends who share personal experiences. One of the things I do believe, however, is that successful femdom relationships are based on love and caring. Like with all marriages there can and will be difficult times, ups and downs. Like with all relationships that matter, a couple must decide to make it work for them.

In the studio John was nothing more than a servant who was there to clean and fetch. In the home John is more than that. In the home John is my loving submissive who lives to please. Yes, in the home John has responsibilities that involve cleaning and laundry, and yes he does fetch when told.
Yet, for John and men like him there is a special pride that comes with being a devoted servant to the woman who loves him. I see John's gift of submission as a gift of love.

On the first day that Liz invited me to her home we talked for a very long time. For me it was the very first time of being in a femdom home-a home where protocols and discipline were enforced. In some ways the protocols, such as command position, reminded me of the studio. Yet, before the end of the house tour, I began to notice differences. For one thing Liz took a great deal of pride in having a husband who obeyed her. Although they kept the femdom nature of their relationship a secret, she was proud of having a sweet, well trained man as a husband.

One of things she told me was that her husband's love was the most important thing in the world to her. Second to love was his obedience. She felt, she told me, that rejecting a man's submission was the same as rejecting his love. Many years later I had a similar conversation with my daughter. That's not to say, she told me, that you should not be a firm disciplinarian with a man, but it is important to remember that punishment should be administered for the purpose of bettering the relationship.

For the entire time of our tour Liz's husband remained obediently in Command Position without making a sound or moving a muscle. Without thinking about it I complimented Liz on how well her husband maintained his posture in Command Position. In the studio men would talk out of place or change position to attract attention. They did this because they wanted the mistress to punish  them. In Liz's home, her man was there to please.

Love, Kathy



Thursday, September 18, 2014

Been Away

Thank all of you for commenting.

Over the last week I have been traveling. It was one of those trips combining vacation with a work itinerary. Anytime I am close to Atlanta, I find an excuse to spend a day or two with Becky and her little family.

I keep receiving questions about Tara's School. There was no such thing. Referring to the studio as a little school was a euphemism. Tara was a dominatrix who enjoyed working with couples. She understood the importance of female only support groups. The ruminants of our little group are still together. Tara never reopened after the storm. Working with her as something of a junior mistress opened my eyes about men. Never did I realize the need of certain men to live under the absolute authority of a woman. Even if I had known about such things as femdom marriage, never would I have guessed that my John was one of these men who needed this type of living arrangement.

One of my early posting detailed the first meeting with Liz. Through Tara's intervention we were able to exchange names and phone numbers. We talked several times and agreed to meet at a local restaurant. We sat at the bar. We talked. It was all girl talk about husbands and children. Yes, she told me, her husband told her about his need for female authority. She thought he was crazy.
They played at femdom for a while, but it didn't work for either of them. Then, one day, her husband asked if she would attend a session with this dominatrix who worked with couples. She agreed.

The first meeting, Liz told me, seemed so very strange. For most of the first meeting Tara had her husband stand outside in the patio while the two of them talked. Liz's reaction to Tara was a lot like mine. We were both surprised  that Tara was an educated, engaging woman who seemed to understand the male brain better than anyone. On that Saturday morning Tara invited me to her home.
She also prepared me on what to expect.

Having interned at the studio for a few months, I was beyond surprise. Upon entering the home, her husband dropped to 'Command Position". With her husband silently down on the floor she took me for a slow tour of her home. Her husband, she told me, had been trained not to speak a word or move a muscle while in 'Command Position". 'If, she observed him moving even a hair', it was  grounds for punishment. Finally, when we returned to the living room, she extended a foot for him to kiss, and gave him permission to rise.

Although Liz had her husband serve a glass of wine and some food never did she feel compelled to introduce her husband to me. She treated him as something of a house servant which is what he was on that Saturday morning. Liz explained to me that as her personal servant her husband was there to obey and serve, not to make conversation. This, she had learned from Tara.

Liz and I have been best friends since that day. It was Liz who introduced me to the other graduates of Tara's little school, and I became one of the group.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

A Little Fun

For all of the American readers of Femdom 101, I hope that you had a very good three day weekend.
Many of you know that my husband had been away on a business trip. He came home Friday afternoon in time for the holiday. He was tired from the long plane ride. He was promptly excused from all duties with the exception of pampering his mistress.

In the mall this past week I had the idea to buy John a small present to celebrate his homecoming.
I wasn't sure what to get for him until I remembered the posting on I'm Hers blog. It is so sweet the way Katie puts out panties for her guy. While it is far from universal most of the men that email to me have worn panties at one time or the other. It is a lite form of cross dressing that hurts no one.
The knowledge that her man wears women's underwear creates a special bond between a couple. In a way it is kind of a sweet little secret that is fun for them to share.

The plus size store was running a special, three pairs your choice for $25.00. Instead of buying one pair I picked out three in John's favorite colors. Like most men John prefers panties with a lot of lace and  ribbons. He once confessed to especially likening panties with a lacy, little boh in front. As much as this may seem unmanly, these are the type of panties that most men want to wear. In the studio we usually instructed men to wear panties on the day of their visit. They were very  seldom of the plain Jane variety that you buy at the big box stores. One of the funniest things was to watch a man try his best to squeeze into a Victoria Secret size seven.

As I was paying for the purchase the young lady behind the counter quickly scanned the labels with her eyes. This is something store clerks are instructed to do. It helps prevent returns. She was checking to see that all three pairs were of the same size. Reading the expression on her face, I proudly explained that they were a coming home present for my husband. For a quick moment, she was not sure if they were something for me to wear for my guy, or my guy to wear for me. Then, of course, looking at the size of the panties in comparison to my figure, understood they were for my guy to wear. She said, we have a lot of women who buy panties for their husbands.

Then, I thought wouldn't it have been fun to have purchased panties in two different sizes. The clerk would have caught the fact that one of the panties was of a different size. I could have then mentioned that two of them were for my husband, and the third was for my boy friend who was some what larger proportioned.  While, I thought what a good laugh that would have been.



Love, Kathy

Friday, August 29, 2014

Use of BDSM techniques in femdom relationships

Thank all of you who contributed to the blog by way of comments. Some of the comments to the last posting were so sweet that they almost made me blush. In truth, the last posting tiptoed into one of the most controversial areas of femdom, what to tell the children and when. What I have always maintained is that femdom in and of itself is not about BDSM or sexual practices. In my opinion there is nothing really erotic about the idea of a wife being head of house, or that of a husband assuming the more subservient role in a relationship.

What I will admit is that the femdom way of living can lead to different practices that relate to BDSM activities. One of the reasons for this is the necessity to train a man, and to punish when necessary.
Someone asked the  question does John ever talk back. Not really, not any more, but in the past there have been times when his temper has gotten the better of him. My daughter has much more of a problem with her husband, but this is expected from a younger man.

Most of you know that I have several close friends who are in the lifestyle. We were all graduates of Tara's school for training and managing men. Tara, a dominatrix, specialized in working with couples. Her technique was to work with the wife as much as the husband. She would then put the women together into a group for female bonding. Our group took on a life of its own much like a new comers club. Because of the influence of the dominatrix, our small group is probably more strict  than most women in the lifestyle.

In the studio our group of devotees learned to incorporate certain BDSM practices as part of the process of training and disciplining. For example, each of our husbands were taught to drop to the floor in 'command position' at the snap of our fingers. In this position the men are only allowed to speak when answering a direct question. If I want to give John instructions, I will put him in 'command position'. In a way it is a practical position because a man's focus is entirely on what you are telling him. It is also an effective tool for ending augments.

In the studio the use of  'command position' was a standard technique. A male was not allowed to talk, get up, or even to move a muscle into given permission. It was a simple way to keep a man out of the way, under wraps, for a few minutes or an hour. In the bringing I asked one of the women in the group, do you really do this with your husband. Yes, she said, and he responds well to it. It was My Heart's Desire who made the comment that his wife requires him to assume  a certain formalized position at times. It occurred to me that something simple such as standing at attention my be appropriate in his circumstances, but being placed on his knees would not be. Either way the decision is to made by his wife, and she determines what is appropriate in her home.

For women new to the lifestyle the idea of bringing a husband to the floor in what seems to be a most humiliating position is too over the top for any reasonable consideration. Yet, from my experience, men respond well to being  called to in this fashion. Yet, the use of this training position in front of children would not be acceptable to me. Likewise, someone asked how does John greet me. We use the formal greeting learned from Tara, a kiss on the right foot for welcoming, and a kiss on the left foot for leaving. Please don't feel sorry for John. He, like many men loves to show respect by kissing the feet of a lady. In the world of submissive men being allowed to kiss the feet of a wife is more of a privilege than a duty.

In the home I believe in the importance of protocols.  Some of these protocols are not appropriate for use in front of family members, some are. It depends on the circumstances. Yes, John stands when a lady enters a room. Sometimes it is confusing. If you remember the posting about the Lemon drop Martini, one of my neighbors has a college age daughter. At what age, John once asked me is it appropriate for him to stand for a lady? It is also important to remember that there is sometimes a fine line between simply being a gentlemen, and showing deference to a lady in the way required of a submissive husband.

Love, Kathy

Monday, August 25, 2014

Thoughts On A Monday Morning

Thank all of you for great comments.

Each of the comments deserved a reply, but there was not enough time. It is the comments, the feedback that keeps me interested in continuing the blog. In a way I think of each of you as one of my children, and like any mother, it is important for me to hear from you. It is also pleasing for me to hear from men who are actually living in femdom relationships. There are so many more of you now than there were only a few years ago. It takes a type of manly courage to kneel before the lady whom you love, yet there are many rewards for the man who serves.

One of the things we try to do on Femdom 101 is to separate the reality of femdom living from the male fantasy. The reality is about love, serving, and obedience. Foe women, the reality of femdom is a pleasing way to live. So much of what is on the Internet discourages women from the idea of living a FLM of any type. Yet, as my daughter observes the way her father and I live she is slowly coming to embrace the concept of being the in charge person in our marriage. It is not always easy. Men are not always obedient, they talk back, and come up with their own ideas.

One of the things that bothers me about femdom relationships is the tendency to hide them form the children.  If femdom is every to become socially acceptable we need more role models. We need strong women who are not ashamed about living at they do. It is not about spanking a man in front of the family which is the male fantasy. It is about being proud of who you are as the head of house, and mistress to your man. It is about carrying your authority with a little pride and most of all confidence.
One of the things I have observed over the years is that when given the opportunity most men relish the chance of living life is the shadow of a confident woman.

In the home it is important that women allow their men the privilege of serving. It can be the simple things. Allowing a man to pick up the dishes after a family dinner is a way of showing all the proper place of a devoted husband in the home. Allowing him to openly address you as ma'am or even mistress is a way of demonstrating his respect for feminine authority. Our daughter has now given David permission to call her mistress. When we were alone, I asked David 'how do you feel about having a wife who is a mistress'.  At the time we were in the kitchen of their family home. He was empting out the dishwasher-a job given to him by Becky.

For a man who wants to serve, a simple job such as empting a dishwasher can become an act of love.
Femdom is not about whips and chains. Femdom is about love and devotion. And yes, the little words that every man should say to his wife every day are 'I love you'. Thank you Mark for reading and remembering.

Love,Kathy

Friday, August 22, 2014

Follow Up Loving Potrait

One of the issues I have with many of the femdom blogs is that in public life they suggest men should be second class citizens. The blogs seems to suggest that women should run most businesses, and hold most political offices. In a way these blogs suggest men should be kept barefoot and naked in the kitchen while serving their wives twenty four hours a day. On the surface this may seem like a harmless male fantasy, but in my opinion this popular image tends to create difficulties for men seeking true femdom marriages.

The reason these blogs do more harm than good is that most women want to see their husband as a strong male type who is a protector and provider. While I have several friends who are in femdom relationships not one of the men is a true sissy who lives only to cook, clean, and prance around in a maid outfit. Instead, cooking, cleaning, and serving is a reward for the man who brings home a pay check. Being allowed to kneel at the feet of his wife is a reward for good service. It is my belief that most men in femdom types of relationships understands that being allowed to serve is a privilege. A part of the way this privilege is earned is by going out to the hunt, and bringing back the kill. One of the difference's in femdom type relationships is that the kill belongs to the wife.

One of the questions that came out of the last posting was why does an intelligent man like john need to seek the approval of his wife, or daughter in certain situations. John is an intelligent man, but he is still a man, and thinks like a man. In our home, in our family life decisions are made from a feminine prospective. It is also true that in his personal life John is more comfortable in the role of an obedient servant. The nature of our relationship is that I have accepted him as my slave husband.
This means that in our personal life John does what he told, when he is told, and how he is told. Our relationship has evolved to the point where this type of absolute obedience is essential to both his and my happiness.

Coming out of the experience with Tara and company it took several years for us to understand
each other. It took several years for our relationship to evolve into a true femdom marriage.
In femdom marriages we as women have the responsibility of teaching obedience to our men, yet we also have the privilege of learning form them. There is a joy in having a  husband who is there for you. There is a joy in having a loving spouse whose takes pleasure in serving and in meeting your needs.

One of the questions is how can I be so open in front of my daughter. In a way I would like her to eventually have the type of relationship with her husband as I have with John. Being a mistress to a man who is truly devoted to you is different than simply being a mistress to a man who cleans your house. For me having a caring submissive type of a husband is an essential ingredient in making a house into a home.

Let me her from each of you who read this blog. You don't need to agree with me. If you enjoy reading Femdom 101 it is important that you make a contribution. You make a contribution by sharing your thoughts.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A Loving Potrait

As I was working on the blog a recent posting by I'm Hers came to mind. Loving female authority is not about whips, chains, bondage, and things like that. It is about love and caring. It is about loving a man so much that you are willing to do the things necessary to keep the relationship alive. There are  many couples today that simply exist in marriages that are all but dead. They continue to exist because of  the momentum. The love has ended, the romance is gone, yet for one reason or the other they stay together. Often times I see two people living in the same home, but living different lives. You can take it or leave it, but after all of the years of married life John is still devoted to me. He still brings me flowers. He still writes poetry for me. He never misses a day of saying I love you. And yes, he loves to kneel at my feet. And yes, at my feet is where he belongs. The world would be a  far better place if at the end of every day, every married man knelt at the feet of his wife.

In my opinion femdom works best with older more mature men. With younger men femdom can work, but it is often necessary for a wife to take a firmer hand. Most women are not ready to do what it takes. With younger husbands house rules need to very clear, and enforced at all times. It is also necessary for the wife of a younger man to always beware of what her husband is doing and with whom. Careful track of money is an absolute requirement. Younger men have more ways of getting themselves into trouble than can be imagined.

The question continues to come up. Do I like being a mistress. Yes, I like being John's mistress.
Why? Because of all of the reasons mentioned above. It would be hard for me to live without the intimacy that femdom brings to a relationship. When John is away, and he is away quite frequently, I miss him terribly.  I also believe that a man should work out of the home, a real job is important for the male ego. This is where I take issue with other blogs that seem to recommend keeping a man bare foot and naked in the kitchen. Bringing home a pay check is healthy for a man.

Some one recently asked if retirement is in the picture. Yes, but not for now. We both like what we do. Over the last couple of years John has spent a great amount of time in central Europe as the financial structure of that part of the world has expanded. With the end of the communist era the Daniel once again flows from its source to the sea. This freedom of navigation, of communication, is allowing ancient trade routs to flourish for the first time since world war two. It has also created business opportunities for my husband.

Of concern to John is what is now happening in the Ukraine. Money for projects, even existing ones is drying up all over the continent. John believes that what ever happens over the next six months will be crucial for the continued recovery of the Eurozone countries. John's personal belief, and he is often correct is that Putin will bring NATO  to war. From his travels he sees things that I so not. I see the beautiful scenery. John sees the people struggling to make a living. Any femdom blog that implies that women are somehow superior  to men, higher intelligence or whatever, have never met my husband. Even in places like Budapest I tend to see things with the eye of a tourist. John looks at things like the shoe memorial and understands that it could happen again.

Based on our age it should surprise no one to learn that John is a Beatles fan. Some of you may have heard of the Beatles, a musical group form way back when. One afternoon we found our selves walking by the west side of Central Park. For me the walk was rather casual, drifting this way and that, but I could feel that John had a certain sense where we were heading, and I gave him his lead. As we passed a nondescript apartment building he suddenly said, this is where it happened.
'Where what happened' I said. 'This is where John Lennon was shot' he responded. Oh, I responded.
We then both observed a moment of silence.

 For John the sidewalk in front of the Dakota  is hollowed ground.  Just being there brought tears to his eyes. John is the most loving and sensitive of men. Yet, there is another place associated with the great musician that means even more to him. It is the wall in Prague. Once John had the choice of locating his firm's  European office either in Vienna or Prague. Vienna would have been the better location. Yet, he pushed for Prague so he could be closer to the wall where so many young people scribbled their messages of hope. John tells me that looking at the wall keeps him grounded, much like being on his knees in our bedroom. In so many ways John is a simple man who above all else cares for his family.

In his professional life John can be a tiger, a leader of men, and an inspiration to others. Yet, on his personal life John wants nothing more than to be my slave. As a person John has the humility to put woman up on a pedestal, and bow to them. He thinks nothing of standing when our daughter enters a room, and making sure that she is treated with the respect of any woman who visits our home

Would I ever want to be a mistress for another man. Not in this lifetime. There is another question which has never been asked, but should be. Could I have become John's mistress at the age Becky is now. I don't know, but doubt it. For her age Becky is more worldly with more maturity than I was at thirty something. I have learned to trust her judgment as much as my own. John understands that if for some reason he needs an immediate answer, or permission of some type, and I am not available, Becky has full authority to speak for me.

We have both a son and a daughter. Our son lives in the DC area. He has a girlfriend. As far as we know he is not submissive in the slightest way, yet is accepting of the way his father and I live.
John is a fan of the local football club. Our son follows the team located in the DC area. I forget what they are called, but it doesn't matter. The two of them have great conversations about football. They both love the super bowl, but have withdrawal symptoms when it is over. This afternoon they were on the phone talking about matches that occurred over the weekend.

For his part John is proud of both of our children. As with any other lady who comes to our home, John is attentive to our daughter. He loves to pour her a drink, refill her glass, and make sure she is treated as a lady. John in all respects is the sweetest man I have ever known. And, I believe that is another part of my attraction to femdom. Submissive men as a rule are sweet, kind and gentle. They make good husbands, they make good fathers, and when out to dinner they are not too proud to change a dirty diaper. This is a trait our daughter has learned to value. The symbol of changing times in her opinion is the diaper changing stations now located in men's restrooms.

After so many years of doing this blog, it was important to give a portrait of my husband, the man I love, the father of my children, and maybe, just maybe the sweetest man on the planet.

Love, Kathy