Sunday, October 16, 2016

Miss Renee's Comment

Thank all of you who took the trouble to comment on the last posting. There were some very good, heart felt comments. For the moment I want you all to read the comment by Miss Renee. Her comments illustrates many of the problems of developing a sincere femdom relationship. Her boy friend, who supposedly was submissive, really wanted control. Haven't we all heard that before.
How should a wife or girlfriend handle this? Some men make it easy for a woman to become a mistress. Some other men are more difficult. Does it mean a man is not truly submissive, or does it mean that a different type of training program is necessary. Miss Renee credits this blog for normalizing the concept of femdom for her. Yet, it is clear that her father has been molding submissive behavior. She also made the point that some women can not accept service from a man?

This wonderful comment by Miss Renee brings to light so many issues. These are real issues that women deal with everyday in their relationships. I would like each of you to share your thoughts with us. This means thinking. Can you put the Sunday game down for a few minutes to think about this comment. And, while this should not need to be said, I want each of you to thank Miss Renee for sharing with us.

Love, Kathy

Friday, October 7, 2016

Lessons Learned........

Where John and I live the summers are hot and humid. No one goes outside unless it is completely necessary. Often you don't see neighbors for weeks at a time. Then October comes around and everyone is out on the street. The cooler weather tends to put everyone in a better frame of mind.
Almost everyone is in a good mood except  for my daughter. When doing a load of wash and wear David forgot to put the machine on the delicate mode. From what I can gather he received a lecture that he will remember for quite a while. If they were not so busy with the children I suspect she would have given him a page full of lines to write. It is amazing that simply having a man write something like 'I will remember to put the washing machine on delicates' over and over again has a way of making him remember. Entrusting your clothing to a man is kind of a big step. Most submissive men enjoy doing laundry for their mistress, but it is a responsibility that some men do not take as seriously as they should. Sometimes they are afraid to ask for instructions, or they are simply careless as David may have been in this instance.

Many of you interpreted the first paragraph of the last posting to mean that I was thinking about discontinuing the blog. It was not meant to be that way. Things however, over time, have a way of changing. The fact is that today many of the readers of the blog are in femdom relationships. The thought occurred to me that may be the blog should be limited to those who would like to sign up for it. The though then occurred to me the blog should be for couples only. For some strange reason women love to email rather than comment. And, maybe posting simply come to often. The truth is that I do want more of a dialogue  with readers. Your reactions, both good and bad, are important to me. Your reactions, your response are the fuel that keeps the blog going. The responses don't need to be positive. There are a lot things in life that I don't know, and everyone experiences that are different. The idea of Femdom 101 is that some men simply need to have a boss lady, a mistress if you will who is willing to lead them. And, the secret that Femdom 101 is out to share is that there are a lot more men like this than anyone would ever believe to exist, and that most of them are good men. Yes, there are not only submissive men in the world, but with love and guidance these men make wonderful husbands and fathers. These men like my John are very special. They may need more love and more attention than most other men, but they are worth it.

Hugs to all of the women who follow this blog, and kisses to the men. Each and everyone of you is special. Next time we will talk a little more about that first day. There is a point I want to make illustrating the differences in attitude between women and men.


Thursday, October 6, 2016

Lessons Learned......

Although we have had some very good comments, it seems that overall interest in the blog is waning.
It may be that the blog has run past its prime, its message is now familiar to everyone, or simply that more men are now in actual femdom relationships of some type. Femdom is no longer a type of exotic, mystifying,  relationship that it was back in the nineties. For quite a few couples some form of femdom is an actual reality. It may have started with games. For many people games have a way of eventuality becoming reality. I now receive more emails from men who are in femdom relationships than those who want to be. In most emails men commonly refer to their wife as their mistress.

Most of you know the background of Femdom 101. My husband and I had a traditional type of marriage. Two children in college, a dog, two cars in the driveway. We both had jobs, but I did most of the house work. My husband, I thought worked long  hours at his job, and then went to the gym as a way of reducing stress. Everyday he toted his gym bag with him to the office just in case he decided to exercise. This one day he forgot to take the bag with him. It was also a day when I was doing laundry. My washing machine was only about three quarters full when the hamper was emptied into it. Maybe, I thought, there might be a little dirty laundry in the gym bag.

As my hands went though the bag they came upon a very light material. As I looked closer at the contents I realized that the bag contained a pair of women's panties. My first thought was that my husband was having an affair of some type. When John came home that evening he went into shock as I raised the panties into the air like a bull fighter with his cape. He denied having an affair, but understood that he needed to explain the presence of female underwear in his bag. In a sense he had no choice but to admit the panties were his.

As I worked in the studio, began an association with Tara, I couldn't help but wonder what the attraction was for my husband. He went to the studio several times a week after work. He spent days and evenings there when he was supposed to be away on business. He even took vacation days so that he would have time to paint several of her rooms. He cleaned her toilets, mobbed her floors, and changed the sheets on her bed. For the privilege of serving he paid her several hundred dollars a month.

Tara was younger than me by a number of years, but she was not a strikingly beautiful. I kept wondering what was this woman's claim on my husband. What I eventually figured out was that she accepted him for who he was. Unbeknownst to me John was a closet submissive. He had been that way his entire life. He never had the courage to tell anyone. For many long years he thought he was the only one. Then one day he found a magazine which catered to submissive men. It made him so happy to know that there were others like him. Then one day he stumbled over an add in a local underground paper for the studio.

He found the courage and the money to visit with Tara. What he found was a place where he could be himself, a submissive type of man who served women. In the studio he was virtually at the beck and call of Tara and her girls. They imposed rules on him such as no talking to women until spoken to.
He was taught protocols such as dropping to the floor when a woman, any woman, snaps her fingers in his direction. It was a world that he dreamed and fantasized about most of his life. John later confessed to me that some of the happiest moments of his life were spent at the studio. So happy, in fact, that coming home to me made him a little sad. You can imagine how that made me feel, but it was the truth.

John found acceptance in the studio. In the studio he could be the dutiful slave that he always wanted to be. In the studio his submissive personality was allowed to flourish. He even enjoyed the moments when Tara would show him off to visiting female guest. He learned to take pride in being a good slave, in doing as told, and in pleasing mistress. The studio, not our home, became the center of his life. The studio was the place John could be himself. In our home he was the vanilla husband with kids and a dog. He loved us, but he was never happy.

In an early conversation Tara once told me that my husband has the heart and soul of a slave. He is happiest when serving, when obeying women, and being directed by them. In order to understand her clients she spent time talking with them. She needed, she told me, to understand their needs, what they were all about. She would ask John to tell her about his life. Tell her about me. Do you love her she would ask clients. The men she told me were always nervous talking about their wives. Talking about wives was  a vanilla intrusion into their femdom world, but it was part of understanding what they were all about. In the beginning I felt violated knowing that John had talked about me with this strange woman.

Tara told me that John was a very sweet and humble man. She also told me he loved me with all of his heart, and didn't want to hurt me in any way. He, however, needed something that the couldn't get at home. She told me that my husband was terrified to talk with me about his submissive side.
Some men, she told me confessed to their wives, some never found the courage. She liked working with couples more than individual men. It was exciting, she told me, to help a wife grow into a mistress. The learning part was not as difficult as the psychological aspects of deciding it was something they could do or wanted to do.

The other strange thing that Tara told me was that I was fortunate to have John as a husband. She asked me if I still loved him. While I didn't answer that question to her, I knew the answer in my heart. Yes, of course, I never stopped loving him. She then told me that femdom looks and feels different on the inside than it does when looking at it from the outside. Would I be interested in working at the studio, she asked. She told me I would work with her or with one of her girls.
Their would be no pay, but she promised that I would learn more about men in a week than most women learn in a life time. On the way home that evening I though about all that we talked about
As I turned into my drive way toward an empty home, I knew the answer to her question was a yes.

The internship with Tara was the single greatest learning experience of my life. While I was still angry with my husband for having a relationship with this woman, I began to understand the why of it. I felt partially responsible. Why was it that John could talk with Tara, but could not talk with me.
The answer is that he knew I would not understand, would not accept him for whom he was.
I love the emails from fifi. He is so happy to have found a lady who accepts him for who he is, a sissy maid. My husband is also kind of a sissy maid, and I have learned to love and accept him for who he is.

Love you all for reading and for sharing,


Monday, October 3, 2016

A Perfect Gentlemen

The call came to me early in the summer. It was from Becky. 'Mom, I am sure what to do'.  She went on to say that the day care would be closed, and that her sitter was to go in for an operation. For Becky and her husband it was the sum of all evils. 'Yes, there is some room in my schedule', I replied. At that moment I made the decision not to take on any new assignments for the remainder of the summer, as well as pass on an audit on to a colleague who was glad to earn a little extra money.

In the early evening-until the children are put to bed-Becky's home is a world win of activity.
Besides the children's dinner there is bath time with all of the fuss that goes with it. Once the pajamas are put on it is story time. Then there are generally a couple of calls of mommy I can't sleep.
Through all of this Becky manages to keep her calm. As she goes from once responsibility to another David more or less follows, taking directions and acting as her right arm. She is the manager, David is the helper. I couldn't do it without him she tells me as David lifts a towel to dry the oldest. In Becky's family David  participates in every aspect of child raising. What I suspect is that a husband's involvement in child care is more significant in femdom homes than it is in the average family. One simple but effective rule is that David is not allowed to turn on the television without Becky's consent. This includes the evening news, sports, as well as anything else. Becky feels that the television is too strong of a draw for most men. It takes them away from their family, she tells me. They turn it on,  and turn themselves off she says. 'They turn into zombies who are glued to the picture', she once told me.

When the magic moment arrives with all of the children down for the night it is quite time.
Becky tells me she has learned to treasure this little part of the evening. Depending on what she wants David will either make a pot of coffee, a cup of tee or pour a glass of wine. David is responsible for serving, and for clearing up any dishes left in the sink from dinner. Usually there is a little picking up to do after the children are tucked in. It is also time, Becky says, for proper protocol. Things have a way of slipping, she tells me. When David comes into the living room for the purpose of serving he is expected to greet Becky with a proper curtsy. Not too deep, not so shallow that it is not respectful, but a slight bend of the right leg behind the left followed by a quick dip. She refers to it as a manly curtsey.  'Is there anything else you would like' David will ask. The answer is generally no, you may finish up in the kitchen she will tell him. Proper protocol has a way of making her feel good. Over time she has learned to appreciate the little symbols of respect that are associated with femdom living. It also makes her feel that things are right in her little portion of the world. Form my own experience I know men love symbols of respect to the lady in their life. Showing deference to a lady brings our a special part of the submissive male personality. If you doubt this have your guy do a curtsy. It will bring out a softer, sweeter side of his personality. It will enrich his pleasure of serving and being a part of your life. Femdom is not about being harsh with a man. It is about teaching him a softer, more loving way of life. It is about teaching him the joys of respecting and obeying woman in a way that is father could only have dreamed of doing.

During my visit the routine was pretty much the same except David had the responsibility of serving both of us. Becky had given David the talk. In preparation for my visit she had lectured him on the proper way to greet me. Make me proud of you she told David. When you come into the room for service curtsy in the direction of both of us she told him. If we are talking remain standing in place until spoken to. Never interrupt she told him. A secret to effective male management many women never catch on to is that men want to be required to do things. They want to be required to serve, to curtsey. They want you to require them to use the mistress word. In short they want you to want their submission. I am pleased to report that during my stay David was a perfect gentlemen. It helps that Becky has learned to enjoy being a mistress to her guy. This is a difficult first step for many women.

Think about what I am saying. Think about the joy David experiences every day by being a part of Becky's life. Think about how you would feel being part of a loving femdom home. Compare the reality to what you read about on most internet blogs.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, September 11, 2016

My Thoughts On A Sunday Morning

A little while back my computer decided to update to Windows 10. One of the things I like is every morning a pretty picture is displayed on my screen. The picture this morning was that of a young woman seemingly climbing a long stairway to the sky. This is a vision of almost every young women who is willing to challenge life, who is willing to grow her self, who is willing to be all she can be. This doesn't mean giving up on the traditional values of mother hood or marriage, but it does mean she is willing to look at life from a different prospective.

When I see this young lady climbing the stairway I think of my daughter. In a sense her life is very traditional in that she has a home, a husband and children.  More than anything else she loves her family. Yet, looking at the picture there is something inherently different about her life. She has accepted the challenge of becoming head of her house as well as mistress to her man. It is not that she wants to be cruel to him. It is not that she can't make it in the world without a man, but the relationship with David is very different than it is in most marriages.

As all of you know David proudly wears Becky's collar. The collar provides him the sense of being owned. He has pledged total obedience to Becky. In a strategic sense he lives in Becky's world, he is a part of her life. In generations' past a wife lived in her husband's world. When his job was transferred from one city to another she followed him. In today's world David thinks of himself as living in Becky's home, being part of her life and occupying a special place in her support system.

As both a husband and help mate David openly defers to his mistress. His out side job is important, but not so important as service to his wife. To celebrate a recent promotion Becky took him out for a romantic dinner. When the waiter came she ordered for him. When the bill came she decided on the appropriate tip and paid the bill. Does that make you uncomfortable I asked her. No, for one thing David is never sure how much tip to give, it always makes him feel uneasy. Even when he pays I usually tell him the amount of tip that should be added.

In that conversation Becky went on to say that David feels more comfortable following rules than making them. He feels more comfortable with asking permissions than deciding things on his own.
He understands that it is impolite for a man to leave a dinner table without having permission from his wife or mistress. He wants to please, she told me. This, she told me, is what makes her marriage to David so very special. It is not that he is feminine. It is more that he is a new version of masculine, Becky told me. Yes, of course, David is like her father is so many ways. He is sweet, he is differential to women, and sees them high on a pedestal placed there by God. In that light manly obedience to woman seems perfectly normal.

As I write this posting a thought came into my mind about the picture on my screen. It occurred to me that the picture would be improved if there was a man following the woman as she ascended the long stairway to the sky. Love you all for reading. Love you more for contributing. You have no idea how many emails I now receive from couples who read this blog together.


Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Making Of A Mistress....

Good morning everyone.

I am not really sure what to talk about today. I have been away from the blog for so long that all of my ideas have vanished. The comments to the last posting were very special. If there is one comment that I would like to latch on to is the one by Mistress Sandra. It is one of those comments that should be read twice and talked about. In the comment she says that asking for punishment is an indication that a man needs training. In my experience submissive men can become very needy. They want attention. They want to know that their mistress is watching and grading them. Mistress Sandra says that her husband does not look forward to punishment. Many of you, I know, love the idea of being punished. For many of you being punished is a sign that your wife is really in charge. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with this.

In response to the last posting a young lady sent me an email. 'Kathy' she said 'I had him carry my purse for the whole morning'. She want on to tell me that they went to a local mall, a couple of stores on the property, and finally to lunch. It was so much fun to watch the ways he toted the purse. 'Did it make him feel submissive', I asked. 'Yes', she responded. When they came home she had him clean the apartment, and then they played. What type of play I have no idea. She also told me that she is looking into buying her guy a 'locking' device. She never dreamed that men would want to wear something like this. While I have never used a locking device, I have known women who swear by them. In some femdom house holds the locking device has replaced the collar as a symbol of female authority.

Femdom is not about making men into miserable, obedient type creatures. Femdom is about love and caring. The simple truth is that some men need a strong female authority figure in their lives. They  need a woman to boss them, give them guidance, and be there for them. In order to be happy, content with life these men need to live under the very close authority of a woman. However, getting a man to acknowledge this simple truth is not easy. It was the relationship with John that encouraged David to start talking with Becky. It was the little things he told me. It was the time when their golf partners invited them to the club house for a couple of beers. 'Sounds good' John replied, 'but let me check in with Kathy'. Let me get her permission is what he was really saying.

Over time John and David starting talking with one another in a way that men usually do not. On once occasion John acknowledged to David that Kathy is the boss in the house. 'I think I would like that' David found the courage to respond. Then tell her, John said. Let her know that you want her to be in charge. From what I understand the conversations went deeper. As they talked David found more courage to open up about his submissive side. John's response was always tell her. 'She is her mother's daughter' John would say. Most of you who read this blog have no idea how proud John is of our daughter. He is also proud of our son, but the idea that he helped raise Becky to be a mistress is especially pleasing to him.

When I first went to work in the studio Tara and I had a long talk about the male submissive personality. She told me to take out a sheet of paper, and draw a vertical line on it. On one side of the line she told me to write sexual aspects of femdom. On the other side of the paper she told me to write inert, basic needs. Femdom has a sexual component she told me. However, it is more than that.
Some men simply have a basic inert need to submit to female authority. As men grow older the sexual aspect become less important. The inner need, the inert need to submit becomes more important. The best submissives she told me are the men over forty. They are less driven by sex, and more by their basic need to submit. Look around the studio she told me. The house boys were all over forty. Some were in their sixties. Older men, she told me, are more trainable. They are less needy.
They can give more of them selves.

A good submissive can help make a woman into a good mistress. To take this concept one step further a submissive father can help make a daughter into a mistress. This, I believe is what happened in our home. Without realizing it John has always modeled submissive male behavior for Becky.
Can I do this or that she would ask him. Ask mom was always the response. Would you pick us up from the party she would ask him. Yes, if it is Ok with your mom he would respond. When they were away from the house, daddy would you wait for us. Sure, he replied. Yes, of course we now see all the hours John spent waiting in the car for Becky and her friends to talk and visit. A good submissive husband understands the importance of 'waiting on' and 'waiting for' his mistress.  He also can also model this type of behavior for his daughter. In so many ways John showed Becky the joy of having a submissive man who was there to please her, whose purpose in life was to serve.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, August 14, 2016

The Making Of A Mistress...

Both John and I are having a bad case of cabin fever. Where we live the weather has been rainy, hot and very humid. His golf came is usually on either Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning. With his golf came canceled John asked for suggestions for what he could do. Your chores are up to date why don't you relax and read a book, I suggested. Maybe, he replied, would you mind if I read one of the femdom books. That would be fine, I replied, but then an idea came into my head. When you finish the story do a  report  so we can talk about it. Yes mistress, he replied. It is difficult for me to get into these femdom stories, but John loves them, and we talk about them together. Most of them are pretty silly, not realistic, but some of them offer a  touch of real life about them.

Even with all of the bad weather I was not going to spend another day in front of the computer.
Before leaving the computer I decided to check out a couple of my favorite blogs. One of them is about cooking which is a hobby of mine. I love to find new dishes or ways to prepare traditional southern food in different ways. Then I checked into my favorite femdom blog, I'm Hers. It was a relatively short posting, but very interesting. To understand what I am talking about you may want to read his current posting.

My first though on reading the post is that a good submissive can develop a wife into a good dominant. Becoming a mistress is not easy for a woman. There is a big mental adjustment. First, you need to learn to talk differently. Instead of asking a man to do something you need to tell him what you want . He doesn't need to know the reasons why mistress wants things done. He only needs to know the what and the how of what she is requiring. This may seem simple, but it requires an adjustment in the thought process. It was Tara who first taught me how to talk to men. When you want to give them a command talk 'to' them not with them she told me. Even better than talking to them is giving them hand signals. Instead of telling him to kneel train a man to kneel when given a certain signal. Actually I think it is easier for women become comfortable with hand signals than verbal commands. In the beginning it was less stressful for Becky to point to the floor then telling David she wanted him on his knees.

What I also like is the way I'm Hers appreciates the little gifts of his wife's dominance without begging for more. For me it is a turn off when a man is constantly asking for more. We often hear men ask their wives for punishment. In many ways they are trying to lead the relationship. When a wife learns to ration her gifts of dominance it makes those little morsels so much more valuable. 'Yes, I want you locked today' makes the experience so much more special. This is something that Becky had a difficult time with. Instead of directly telling David what she wanted, she would ask him. In no uncertain terms submissive men want to be told what to do.

In a way the I'm Hers posting made me feel guilty. In the past I have sent John into the yard to work on very hot humid days. On occasion I have done it as a punishment. In the studio Tara would some times do this with a house boy who wanted 'more'. She had a small, private patio with beautiful
plants. It required a lot of maintenance. She would send the house boy out there with only sun screen,  a hat and nothing else to pull weeds. Once when two of the house boys got into an argument with each other she leashed them together, and sent them both out there to work. They were so close that their sweetie bodies were touching as they toiled. When they were finished she put them together in the shower to wash and dry each other with the same towel. From what she tells me they never argued again. Many times men beg their wives to punishment them. What they really want is something that is fun rather than actual punishment.

If your man is constantly asking for punishment my suggestion is to send him into the yard to work. It may not be the punishment he wants, but he will learn to quit begging. Submissive men can become quite needy. If so they need to be broken of that habit. A real punishment can be as simple as an early bed time, withholding his allowance, or taking away his golf game. Over the last year Becky has used each of these methods with David. It is not to be mean with him as much as it is to correct a problem with attitude.

Love you all for reading. Think about the things we are talking about. We have all made mistakes.
In many cases the wife will make more mistakes than her guy. A sweet obedient husband makes it easier for a wife to become a mistress.

Love, Kathy