Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Notebook.....

Anyone who has read the recent post will think that punishment sessions are a major part of any femdom relationship. For some couples this may be true. Yet, for John and I punishment sessions are very rare. The simple truth is that John is a very sweet, loving man who consistently tries his best to please me. It is difficult for me to recall the last time, if ever, he willingly disobeyed me. We have had a few cases of 'talking back". We have had times when he has been 'pouty', and the surest way to correct that type of behavior is corner time combined with a lecture and loss of privileges. Taking away a sporting match on the television, or something like a golf outing will usually adjust his attitude. Becky has learned to do the same with David, and she is quick to take away his weekly allowance when necessary. One of the ideas I have stressed to her is that financial control is an essential ingredient to a successful femdom marriage.

One of the things that really surprised her was my description of many of the men who came into the studio. For the most part they were sweet men who needed something that they couldn't get at home.
Either the wives said no, or in most cases they were afraid to ask. Most of the men who came into the studio were not BDSM types into leather and whips or things like that. They were the ordinary men you meet on the street. The men could have been you banker, your doctor, or delivery person. In the studio the men came from all walks of life, but to afford the studio most of them needed to have a wll paying job. There were men who came into the studio who just wanted to kneel at a woman's feet while confessing their inner need to submit. While, I thought, these men are telling me secrets that even their wives don't know. It didn't take long for me to develop a certain empathy for them. They were submissive, they needed a fruit that was forbidden to them by society. Yet, they were sweet men. They would not harm a soul. As Tara first said to me they are not ax murders.

Over a short amount of time I came to enjoy the company of the studio clients. And yes, I know that Tara spoon fed me the softer ones-the ones who were most like my baby. Why don't you ask your wife, I would say. The response was usually she would not understand. Sometimes thought the response was she wants nothing to do with femdom. Yet, there were these other women who came to the studio with their husbands. They came to watch, learn, and participate in the development of their husband's submissive personality. Under Tara's tutelage these women were formed into a little group. It is so important to have a friend in the lifestyle. In the beginning I told my daughter not to make this journey alone. Whatever you do, I told her, find a friend to make the journey with you.

As most of you know I was invited to join this special group of women. It was these women who gave me the courage to apply what had been learned in the studio to my home situation. In those days we met once a week, we talked on the phone almost every day. They became some of my best friends. We shared one another secrets, we laughed together, and there were times when we cried together. What we had in common was a willingness to use femdom as a way of improving our marriages. I dare say that none of us were what is referred to as natural dominants.

Over time, and over many conversations, Becky learned to over come her fears. Like me she never came to understand the why of femdom. She, however, came to realization that it is real. And, like the women in the group had to face the challenge of living with a man who had found the courage to have the talk with her.

Love you all for reading. Love you for sharing.


Kathy

Saturday, October 7, 2017

The Notebook....

Just as many of you enjoy reading the blog, I have come to enjoy the comments. In a way it is the comments that complete the blog-your reaction whether in agreement or not means a great deal to me. From what I can gather most of you are indeed happier, more content with life when your significant other is in charge. And, most of you seem to appreciate female discipline as well as punishment when it is necessary. In that regard there was only one comment to the negative. One gentlemen said something to the effect that he would never tolerate a woman who spanked him. There are no right or wrong answers only individual feelings. We are all different, but the majority of the readers of this blog want to be in a relationship with a woman who is not afraid to let her guy know who is the boss.

The thing about femdom is that few men are willing to acknowledge their need for it. Men may talk to other men about  sexual conquest, but very seldom admit to wanting a spanking from a mistress wife. As a society we may sometimes think in terms of the 'surrendered wife', but never in terms of the 'surrendered husband'. To a large degree the idea of the surrendered wife is sill socially acceptable, but never the surrendered husband. The idea that a husband should obey his wife is still against the perceived natural order of things. Yet, when we ask why this is so there are no really good answers. In reality there is simply no good reason why a wife should not be in charge of her man.

In this blog I am taking the idea of feminine control one step further. What I am saying is that it is a wife's duty when faced with the issue of a submissive husband to take charge of the relationship.
The embryo of this concept may have been mine. It was Becky, however, who accepted the idea, developed it, and then ran with it. Becky, like me, is not a naturally dominant person. Most women are not. The idea other behind much of this blog is that becoming a mistress wife is not about natural dominance. Becoming a mistress wife is a 'learned' experience. What is needed more than anything else is an open mind as well as a willingness to try new ideas.

When Becky and I first stated talking about the changes in our marriage she was more than just a little bit upset. 'Mom',  I heard, 'how could daddy have done those things'. Then I heard questions like did you really have a job where you put men on leash's. 'Yes, and sometimes walked them around the quarter', I replied. And, there were men who were made to lick my shoes clean, I told her. Confessions are not always easy, but they are good for the soul.  As we gradually talked through what had happened Becky developed  a kind of general understanding of why her parents had changed

Understanding was one thing. Acceptance was another.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Notebook...

In some ways it is easier to talk about Becky's marriage than my own. The relationship she has with David is so dynamic. They are only a few years into a FLM and things continue to develop between them. This is not to say that John and I are completely 'over the hill', but is some ways we are plateauing. Prior to accepting the femdom lifestyle both of us had a tutorial in the form of a real life dominatrix experience.

As a houseboy in Tara's studio John lived the life of a slave. He worked in Tara's studio for free. He painted for her, he cleaned toilets, pulled weeds from her garden, moped floors and ironed clothes. Whatever she needed done he was there for her. If a mistress needed a car repair it was often his job to bring it to the garage and wait. It was real work, not play work. Once, when he didn't do a proper job of cleaning the toilet Tara pushed his head into the bowl and flushed. For me the question was why did he take this type of abuse. Why, I wondered with a strong, healthy well built man let this little women push him around. Why weren't there times when he could have resisted.

When that question was first presented to John there was no answer. 'Did you want to have your head pushed into the toilet', I once asked. The answer came slowly, but  there was eventually a negative.
There never was an answer to the most pressing question of all, why did you let her do those nasty things to you. It wasn't until much later that I began to understand the reason for John's powerlessness in the face of this women. By that time the answer was simple as it was right in front of me. In every way possible, except legally, John was a slave and she was his owner. Though physically weaker John  feared her. He not only respected her authority as his owner, but he feared displeasing her in any way. And, he feared her punishments. She had the power to banish him from the studio.

A more difficult question involved asking if  he had ever developed feelings for Tara. The lack of  a verbal answer told me more than I wanted to  know. It was a couple of years later that he acknowledged feeling for Tara as well as a young black lady who worked for her. On my work visits to the studio I became friends with this young lady. Never did I suspect; never did she tell me that John had spent days and nights in her apartment. She and her roommate, college students, treated John as their house boy. He served drinks at parties and did the clean up afterward. What I tell any woman who has a husband who travels for business is to make sure you know what type of business your guy is on.

For a long time I couldn't talk about these experiences. The hurt to too clear. The feeling were too raw. Now, looking on Becky and David in a loving relationship I understand what John and I have for so long missed. David maybe Becky's slave and people will find fault with this concept. However, he is the slave of the woman who loves him, and of the woman whom he loves. He is in everyway the perfect version of the surrendered husband. Can any of you not find romance in this? In my opinion this is femdom marriage the way God intended it.


Love, Kathy



Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The Notebook..

As he walked out of the room, Becky's words to me were 'sometimes I am too hard on him'.

The three of us had been up late that evening. It had been one of those days when parents earn their place in heaven. Finally the children had been bathed and put securely to bed for the night.
'In what way are you too hard on him', I asked Becky. 'You know, mom, we both work.' Then their was a silence as Becky slowly sipped on her drink. 'Yet, here it is after ten, and David is going to get my clothes ready for work tomorrow'. 'That is what submissive men love to do-that's what they live for' I replied. 'Sometimes yes', she replied, 'but David has had a hard day at work-why should he be these things for me".

At that moment I had no real answer for Becky's question. With the children in bed the three of us stayed up talking with the late night news blaring from the television. It was really more Becky and I doing the talking with David listening. A little earlier in the evening Becky asked if I would like an after dinner drink. 'Yes, a Bailey's would be good', I replied. 'David, get mom and I a Baileys-you may have one too'. What a thoughtful mistress, I thought. Like John, David is not allowed to drink any kind of alcohol unless he has  permission. She saved David the embarrassment of asking permission in front of his mother-in-law.

What I have found is that you can learn a great deal about a couple simply by listing to the way they interact. Becky's instruction to David for the Baileys was a command-a simple one-but a command. There was no please, no will you, or anything like that. The phraseology was very direct telling David what to do, and yet she said is with a sweet, feminine voice. It is my belief that women often fear taking control of their men leads to a kind of loss of femininity. From what I have seen this is not true. Being a mistress wife is all about being a woman and loving who you are as a person.
Becoming a mistress to a man is not about becoming some type of an odder who walks around with a whip acting like a monster from a Frankenstein movie.

What I can also see is that even after several years of marriage with three children David and Becky enjoy each others company. In the living room-unless there are guest-David generally relaxes on a pillow next to Becky's feet. I was very pleased that their usual routine was not disrupted because of my visit. And, what I noticed is that she will sometimes give him a little kiss on the back of his head, or rub the back of his neck with her fingers. Like my John, like most men, David loves the gentle touch of his wife's hands. And, when told to do something, he does it. He does it with a smile.
It is more than obvious that he is happy to be of service to his wife and mistress.

While I have said this many times on the blog it is worth repeating. What most women want is to be loved like a wife and respected like a mistress. Yes, Becky's after dinner drink was delivered with  a smile, but it also came with a slight bend of the knee.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Notebook

Once again thank all of you for the comments.

In most ways I am still having trouble getting my 'act' together as far as the blog goes.

Not all men are submissive. However, my guess is that there is a fairly large percentage of men who would be happier, more content with life if they lived under the authority of a mistress wife. The idea that some men find satisfaction by serving a woman and doing as she tells them is still difficult for many people to understand. Yet, the empirical evidence suggest that many men do want to live their lives under female control. I have long since given up trying to understand the why of this phenomena, but believe it is real.

In my own family there are two very lovely, sweet submissive men. As most of you know both my husband and my daughter's husband fall into this category. As both a wife and a mother there is nothing wrong with having such a man in your life. Yet, time after time women seem to walk away as soon as they see the submissive label tattooed upon a man.  Why I ask my self. What is so wrong with a man who is willing to serve, who is willing to make a woman's life better. What is so wrong with taking the time and the energy to develop the submissive side of a man so that he can become a better, more perfect version of himself.

For most of her life Becky has been more of the student in our mother/daughter relationship. Now I find that the shoe is on the other foot. This past summer we spent a large amount of time together in her home-where she is mistress. We still talk, she still ask questions, but more and more she has become the teacher. For one thing she has become more of a disciplinarian then I have ever been.
Where I have stayed away from spanking she willingly incorporates it into the structure of her relationship. She is not reluctant to use the bristle side of the hairbrush to let her husband know when he is out of line. And, the interesting aspect of their relationship is that her husband appreciates her efforts.

When we talked about discipline her response was simply that most men respect a woman who is willing to punish them. A painful spanking, followed by corner time and a lecture, is a way of letting a man know who is in charge she tells me.. David, may not like the spanking, yet it serves a useful purpose in their marriage. David, she says to me tends to become cranky and pouty when he goes too long without a punishment of some type. As she put it to me punishment when needed is a part of developing the submissive part of his personality. Developing the submissive side of David's personality is a responsibility she takes seriously. Why, because that is what he needs to become a better husband and a better father. She is a mother to her children and a mistress to her husband.

Does it ever happen that her roles as mistress and mother sometimes become a little mixed up, I asked. Very seldom, she responded. She was very firm that she wants David as a husband not a child.
She expects him to be a father to their children, a good role model, and her right arm in helping to manage the household. She went on to say that many of her friends have husbands who do nothing around the house except watch sports on the television. She then gave me a little smile. David, like daddy is not allowed to turn on the television without permission she said. Becky may have learned this rule from me, but in many other ways she is more advanced than I have ever been.

Over the next week or so I will try to continue with this posting. Yet, I wonder how many of you see yourself as kind of a David. For those of you who actually live under the authority of a wife or girlfriend does it make you happier? Does it make you more productive as a person? As femdom been a positive in your life? Please let me hear from you on this topic. Although they seldom comment there many women who follow this blog, and they are looking for the answers to these questions.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing,


Kathy

Monday, August 28, 2017

Time Away

Just a quick note to thank all of you who have emailed over the summer months. Both John and I are fine. As most of you know John is retired. I made the decision to take the summer off from work. We spent most of June traveling in Europe and much of the remainder of the summer visiting with children.

It felt so good to be away from the responsibilities of work and to some extent the blog. In a way it felt good not to have the responsibility of posting. Over a few weeks of traveling I developed a mental block regarding computers. I just didn't want to touch a computer to either email, post, or simply to read the news.

Much of our time in Europe was in Italy. We rented a small apartment on a hillside outside of Sienna, and spent most of our time making day trips in the area. We also did a lot of walking. From the apartment we had to walk down the hill, but then go back up another hill in order to get into the town.
Sienna was interesting, but not as pretty as the renaissance cities of Italy. The Tuscany area with all of the little hill top towns was gorgeous, and we loved the wine and the food. We both took classes on Italian cooking. John, however, will tell you his favorite part of the class was eating what we cooked.

Where we go from here I am not sure. We did spent time with Becky and her family. She is as much a mistress to her husband as she has ever been. What I did notice is a renewed sense of confidence in herself. She is not afraid of leading. She is sweet and kind, always very feminine in manners and in the way she dresses, but she lets David know who is boss. And, I think this is an attribute that men generally value in a wife. More than every it is my belief that many- many men have a serious submissive side to their personality. It simply takes the right woman to bring it out where it can be developed.

Being on vacation relieved John of most of his work responsibilities. It also relieved me of some of the daily pressure of being a mistress. Yes, ladies, don't let anyone tell you that being a mistress is a job that comes with no responsibly. As time goes on the job of being a mistress becomes easier, but it can still be a job. What surprised me was how grumpy John could become on vacation. Letting the leash louse was fine for a few days, but to be happy John needs to feel the constant pull of my authority. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are like that?

After a few days of going collar free, I made him put it on. It may be difficult to imagine but it improved his attitude. Having the collar around his neck made him more obedient, more content, and a far better traveling companion. Men want to be collared. This may be one of the biggest secrets in the universe. Yet, even more than collared men want a lady who is willing to lock up their little 'thing-e' and keep the key.   'Thing-e' may not be an actual word, but yes you all know what it is.

Over the years I have had many emails from women. At the beginning the idea of being a man's mistress seems so strange. A couple of years into it most women tell how natural it feels to have a man under their control. Femdom is about love, about relationships, and about developing a sense of trust in each other. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are 'there' with your wife or girlfriend.
How many of you would fully trust the lady in your life with your freedom and as well as your money?

Love you all for reading and for sharing. We need to see where the blog goes from here. Over the next few weeks I will try to answer many of the email in my in box.


Kathy







Monday, June 5, 2017

Time Away From The Blog

Just want to mention that I will be away from the blog until July.

With things like work, vacation, and summer visits with the children life is getting busy.
And, for the times being there is not a lot for me to say. All of my thoughts have been poured out in the Morning Thoughts series.

Most of you know that John has officially retired from his life as an engineer. In some ways this has affected the way we do things. It has meant more house chores for him. It has also forced me to rethink the rules that apply to his activities. Lacking the responsibilities of a career it is my belief that men need more structure in their personal life.

If I can gather my thoughts this may be the next topic of the blog. Many of you are retired.
Please send me your thoughts on this topic. For the wife how difficult is it to adjust to having a man around the house? Do retired men need more structure from their wives? With more time on their hands should they be given a larger allowance?

There are a lot of questions, and I would like to hear from each and everyone of you. Until July be good to yourselves, and especially good to the lady in your life.


Love, Kathy