Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Morning Thoughts............

A quick look at the number of dots connected to this post as well as my work schedule tells me that is time to bring this series to a conclusion. The comments, the emails have all been wonderful. You have all been sweethearts. It takes courage to share. It is time for femdom to come out of the shadows into the mainstream of western culture. It is my hope that in some small way the blog helps promote understanding of this evolving way of living and loving.

While the comments have been great there was one that stayed with me in a special way. In his comment of May 5th James captures so much of the beauty and love associated with femdom relationships. In truth he captures the essence of what is commonly called loving femdom authority.
It is my hope that everyone goes back to read it again and again.

A man gives up control, but gains freedom, James writes. By giving up control men are liberated to follow the dictates of their heart. Whatever woman says that men have no sense of romance or passion needs to read this comment and talk about it with her friends. Then James says that he had no idea that he wanted to bee tamed, trained, and even lovingly enslaved until meeting his wife to be.
What I have always believed is that a strong, confident woman who is willing to take on the responsibilities of leadership can make a man into a better version of himself. (A happier version more content with life, and more connected to his wife and family.) This is the potential gift of femdom to the world. Men want it, but women continue to resist.

In modern society we need to redefine the meaning of the word slave as to include a male who is owned body and soul by a woman who loves him. There should be no higher calling for a man than to be tamed, trained, and lovingly enslaved by a woman. Many happy years breed the conditions for absolute respect and absolute control and trust that are essential for a femdom relationship, James writes. And yes, it is my belief that what James is saying is the truth. In femdom you can't go from A to Z in a few days. It often takes years of work and sacrifice. Women think femdom is only for the benefit of the men, but there are deep satisfactions that come with these relationships.

We want to connect with our men. We want them there as our soul mates. We love to be touched by them. We want them to touch us both physically and spiritually. We want them there for us when the rest of the world is going crazy. And yes, we want their support because even as strong women we need the hand of a loving man by our side. And just as men trust us to do what is best for them we know that they are there for us in our time of need. A loving submissive husband devoted to his wife and family is a treasure.

And, James thank you for being my hero this day. It is my hope that nothing here should embarrass you in the least way.  A big kiss to all of you and especially to those who were kind enough to share.

Love you all,


Kathy





Monday, May 15, 2017

Morning Thoughts.........

'It is not the makeup on  her face, but the makeup of her attitude' that attracts a man to a woman.

If there is one line from the all of the comments that should be repeated time and time again it is this one. Have you have seen a couple and wondered what it is that attacks a nice looking man to a woman like 'that'. I think we all have. It is of course love, but love springs forward from attraction of some type.

Men are first attracted to nice looking women, but beyond that men want to be with women who are smart, confident, and who have the ability to lead them. In many ways this starts back in high school. Sure, it was often the boy who asked the girl out on the first day. Yet, it was the girl that sent signals out to the boy that it was safe to ask her. And, most of the outings were planned by the girls. The boys were often told how to dress,  time for pickup, and where to wait while the girls went in group to the restroom.

The comments are so different than they were in the early years of the blog. Most of the comments are from men who are in some version of a femdom relationship. It my opinion that more and more men are finding the self confidence to open up about their need for control. Women are often accepting of leading men as long as it is not called femdom or by some other label that seems to have a type of kink attached to it. What men fail to realize is that women do not want to be seen by others as being controlling or bossy.


Love, Kathy

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Morning Thoughts.......

Good morning to all of you.

Once again it is the comments that give me food for thought as I relay them back to my own experiences.

Yes, having John eat pages from a magazine seemed to make the point that there would be no more porn in his life, but was it the right thing to do. You can always go back in time to question whether this or that was the right decision, but you can't change things. As a mistress you are the one responsible for making decisions that affect your family. What often seems appropriate at one stage of your life may seem very different when looking back on things. What I tell my daughter is try not to second guess her self. Not all of your decisions will be the best ones.  Just by assuming the role of decision maker and mistress you become something of a hero to David, I tell her.

The comment from Alex gave me pause to think. Some of you are hooked on the internet for the daily offerings that come with it. The comment from Alex made me realize that a few of you may actually be addicted to this blog. My first reaction is that this is not right. The internet world should never replace the real world . A blog by an internet mistress should aid in the relationship with the woman in your life rather than supplant it.  My concern is that men tend to spend too much time on the computer. John is allocated a certain amount of time to serf and relax, but that time is limited.

Almost every where we go there are people looking down at their cell phones ignoring those who are with them. When a husband is in your company there are good reasons for having both his cell phone and his wallet safely parked away in your purse. And, as I tell Becky, take over David's phone every so often just to see who is calling, texting, or emailing him. A well supervised man is usually a well behaved man. A submissive husband in a femdom relationship should have no expectation of privacy from his mistress. It was I'm Hers I believe who once mentioned that every so often Katie will surprise him with a face time call. She has him turn the phone in every direction so that she can see who is with him. In preparing this post I was a little surprised to learn that Becky some times does this with David.  Traveling on business he is required to call her when he is back in his hotel room for the evening. She sometimes surprises him with a face time call an hour or so later. It may surprise many of you, but men appreciate this type of supervision from their mistress.

In was back in 2007 that John  became aware of several femdom blogs on the internet that he thought had value.  He asked  permission to follow them. Before giving permission I needed to see what he was asking for. It was during the review that I came aware of the blog by Fd and one or two others that seemed to have value.  While I enjoyed reading many of the comments there was something missing. What I noticed was that there were no comments from women. The reaction to my comments was over whelming. What was clear to me was that men were looking for input from women. Not only was it wanted, they were desperate for it.

It was John who suggested that I write a blog based on our experiences. My fist reaction was negative as the idea of a sex blog was repulsive to me. Then it occurred to me that femdom is really about relationships. I am not so old or so foolish as not to realize that there is a sexual component to femdom, but for me at least it is primarily about relationships. When I talk with Becky it is about relationships. Yes, I know that David came to her with a request to be locked. What do you think mom, she asked. If you feel it is good for the relationship than go with it, I told her. Anything beyond wanting them to give  me grand children is more than I  need to know. Like my John, David is a sweet man who has a distinct need for female authority in his life. A problem for Becky is that she has no friends in the lifestyle.

More than anything else it was the friends in the lifestyle who made the difference for me. These were the women who went to Tara with their husbands for education. She formed them int her 'new comers' group. It gave them a chance to talk with one another, share stories, and sometimes cry together. By invitation I became part of that group.

The last point to make this morning is that I am neither a super hero or a mortar. John may have committed infidelities, but he knew that I would not be willing to accept him as my submissive.
The reality of John's situation was simply that a paid mistress was the only way forward for him.
 My reality was  having either an up happy marriage with a man who needed a mistress, or learning to be the mistress my husband needed. The  lesson I learned was talk to your husband. Talk with him every day. Be open with him and encourage him to be open with you.



Love, Kathy

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Morning Thoughts....

It is the comments more than anything else that keeps me attached to the blog. This morning there were so many great comments that I hardly know where to start.

Many of the comments over the years have praised me for finding a way to stay with the marriage in the face of John's infidelity. John made a mistake as we all do from time to time. Yet, coming home from that first visit with Tara my heart was crushed. For so many years there had been a 'we', now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. The fact that at that we were no longer a couple opened a chiasm in my heart that was wider than the grand canon. Turning into my drive way that day of the first meeting with Tara I stopped the car to look at the big empty house in front of me. The house seemed so large and so lonely. Through out the meeting with Tara and the drive home I was able to keep my composure. At that moment in the driveway I broke down into tears.

Looking at the house my mind wondered back to all of the good times we had there. I thought of the family dinners with the children, the Christmas mornings opening presents and realized that those times were over. I also remembered the words my mother  spoke to me while helping  in the kitchen. Marriages are made in heaven, but lived on earth she would tell me. Marriages, she told me, need to be worked at.  There will be difficult times she warned. As I grew older she talked more about relationships. Catholic wives are supposed to be the heart and soul of a family. It was the wife she told me who was charged with the responsibility of infusing the Holy Spirit into the family. Exactly how I was to do this was always something of a mystery, but those words stayed with me.

That first meeting in the studio lasted well over an hour. For me it was a surreal experience. The nearly naked house boys- older men coming and going  politely responding to every instruction were something from another world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined grown men acting as subservient toward  women as they were with us. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that until a few days earlier John had been one of these servile males clinging to Tara's every word waiting for her next command. 'Why', I asked myself. At that moment there was no good answer.

In that first meeting Tara did almost all of the talking. Those of you who have followed the blog from the beginning may recall the words she repeated to me. 'At least he is not an axe murderer' she would say. It took me a little while to realize what she was trying to tell me. There are a lot worse things in the world than being a submissive man. In a recent comment I'm Hers asked if I was happy living as a mistress wife. The answer is yes, but it took some time. In the world I grew up in the man was supposed to be the leader. The wife was supposed to be the support person taking care of everyone else.

From Tara's prospective the purpose of the meeting was to tell me that John's behavior was perfectly normal. The world is full, she told me, of men who want nothing more than to live as obedient servants to women. Is that such an evil thing she would then say. The problem she told me is that society expects men to be in charge, to be the leaders. Not only society at large she said, but wives and girl friends want the traditional type of husband or boy friend. Toward the end of that first meeting she invited me to come to studio on a regular basis to work with the clients so that I could learn what the world of dominance and submission was all about.

Siting in the drive way that afternoon I knew the answer to Tara's invitation.


Love you all,


Kathy

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Morning Thoughts...

Well, here it is Sunday morning. With John now retired the routine of our lives has changed. The days, the weeks, and the months seem to fly by. I have been working part time, on and off, for the last couple of years. There is always work for me when I want it. It is nice to have work experiences that are in demand. I can't imagine staying home eating bom-boms everyday, growing fat and old supervising a husband while he cleans.

The truth of the matter is that John has developed out side interest. He plays golf and volunteers his time as a docent at a local museum. Some of the blogs preach the idea of the house husband who is not allowed social interest outside of the home. For me this is concept is repulsive. Men need guy friends. They need to be with other men where they can do guy things. Many of the fantasy books talk about the idea of feminizing men into some type of sissy version of themselves. What woman, what wife would want that.

I very much enjoyed reading the comments to this current series of posting. Most men have spells of rebellion in them. There are times when John is less submissive than others. Alex made the comment that reading the blog causes his submissive side to come out. The entire idea of male submission remains a mystery to me. The studio was an artificial environment where the guys came for an hour or so to bow, kiss feet, and take orders from women. Submission in the real world if much more complicated.

In the real world a wife must learn to handle a husband when he is having those alpha moments.
A husband can ask for play time which is fine. Yet, in a more serious femdom marriage a wife can not let the husband decide which days he should serve and obey, and which days the rules of the house do not apply. I have had emails from wives who have given their guys orders to do things only to be yelled at by them. Is there any wonder that there are not more femdom marriages?

If a couple works at femdom it is possible for each of them to grow in their respective roles. This is what happened with John and I. The studio experience for John was more than just an hour here and then. He was one of Tara's house boys who came to do serious work. He cleaned, he painted, he cut grass and took care of her plants. He spent many nights sleeping in her kennel while he was supposedly on business trips. Yet, as serious as this experience was he knew that he could always leave without repercussions.

In a marriage where the wife controls all of the financial assets, has most property in her name things are different. When John came home the advice given to me was to make it 'real'. Make John understand that when he accept you as his mistress there is no turning back. Make sure that femdom is not a game that he can turn on or off as his mood dictates. As our relationship developed in the first year or two I began to see the importance of protocols and rules. Whether in a so called submissive frame of mind or not John was expected to follow orders.

In the beginning there were more times in which he was punished. He was learning. We were both learning. My friends told me not to worry about punishing him. Make sure he understands that punishment if for real. Make sure he realizes that any failure to accept punishment could result in the end of our femdom relationship, and perhaps our marriage. We know there would be alpha moments. Yet, we also knew that John needed a mistress in order to be happy. And yes, in the beginning I very much felt the weight of that responsibility.

Love, Kathy

Friday, May 5, 2017

Morning Thoughts..

Good morning to all of you. And, most of all a big thank you to those of you who were kind enough to share. Once again we have been favored with a well thought out comment from Mistress Sandra.
As much as I love her commenting on Femdom 101 she should have her own blog. She has a lot of good things to say. It is my hope that both Mistress Sandra and Mistress Diane come by often to say hello. Please thank them both for their contributions.

One of the points that Mistress Sandra makes is that within the femdom community there is a wide variety of relationships. Some forms of femdom are so mild that they resemble vanilla relationships.
Our neighbor Carol comes by once or twice a week for coffee. She sees and hears me giving simple instruction to John such as make another pot of coffee, or do this and that. It is easy for her to see that John takes orders from me, but she has no idea that we practice things like Command Position, or that he has so little freedom of choice in his life. She would be astounded to know that he lives as my sweet little slave boy.

As all of you know my baptism into dominance and submission was in the studio. What attracted me to femdom was the sweetness of the clients. In the studio men felt free to lower their guard showing their true self. We had doctors, lawyers, and all soughs of professional men who came to us. Most of them wanted nothing more than a safe environment where they could be free to be the person they wanted to be. A part of what we did was ask them questions. Would you like to live as a woman's slave was a typical question. Would you like to  live as your wife's slave was a follow up question.To my surprise the answers were often positive and well though out. You could tell that the gentlemen had been thinking about the question long before it was asked.

Some of the men who came to us were afraid to embrace the submissive side of their personality.
On the outside they were sometimes aggressive toward women. It was kind of  a defense mechanism Tara told me. She also felt like the woman who could break through that outer defense mechanism could have a loyal husband for ever. Her own husband was something like this. He came to her as a client. He has emotional issues she told me. On the outside he acted like an alpha male. On the inside there was a sweet obedient man trying to come out. He spent so much time with Tara that there was no way he could afford to pay her. She fell for him and he became her live in submissive. In her words she tamed him.

"For men there is something appealing about the idea of being tamed by a confident women."

The last sentence was put in quotation marks for a reason. It is a good discussion point. Have any of you ever been tamed? Have any of you wished to be tamed by a woman?

Giving up freedom of choice is a big step for a man to take, yet some men are willing to do it.

 These are questions to ask your self. If you have the courage to share please do.

Love you all,

Kathy


Kathy4563@gmail.com

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Morning Thoughts.

This morning I had to laugh.

One of the sections of Yahoo that I sometimes like to read is Dear Abbey. This morning the question came from a woman who was tired of seeing her brother 'bullied' by his wife. According to the sister her brother is totally controlled by his wife who is several years younger. She controls who he is allowed to socialize with, his free time, and even what clothes he can wear along with his work schedule. Abbey's response was something to the effect 'is he complaining'. If not she advised the sister not to say anything. On the surface Abbey seems to have missed the obvious point that this woman's bother is a submissive man living with a mistress wife.

In spite of the internet and all the material that are easily available vanilla people do not understand dominance and submission or femdom marriage. Most women are not even aware that there are submissive men in the world. They are usually sweet men who need the authority of a woman in their life. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. The title of my blog Femdom 101 is meant to sound something like a basic course taught in a university or college. There should be a place where women can go to safely learn  about submissive men in a pre Cana type instruction. My two basic psychology courses said nothing about wives taking control of their husbands. My introduction to femdom came as an unpaid intern in the studio. In the time I spent working there I learned more about men and women than at any other time in my life.

The studio was indeed a dominatrix type of place when men paid for services. What made it special was that it gave men much more than a type of dungeon experience. The mistress owner understood that the real way to control men was through the mind rather than the whip. She talked  at length with her clients. She learned their hopes as well as their fears. She knew how to make the experience as real as possible. She is the one who taught me the value of basic commands such as Command Position. One of the things I quickly observed was that men loved to be placed in what was a most humiliating position. In that simple position with the toes, knees, and elbows on the ground the woman is in total control. The male is trained to remain complexly motionless until being allowed the privilege of rising. 

When John first came home we practiced 'Command Position' on a daily basis. It was not so much about simply learning the position as it was conditioning him to automatically  respond  to the signal. It is easy for a man to respond to command in the privacy of the home, but the trick is to have them so conditioned that they instantly respond in any environment at any time. In the studio a man would be slapped if he waited a second or decided to take a quick look around before executing the command.

As a training tool the concept of Command Position is that a man should instantly obey the instructions of any female any place any time. The idea is that a woman's commands should never be second guessed. Even in the studio I could see how this type of training tended to build us a sense of trust in the clients. After a few sessions of intense training men would become more obedient in a general type of way. In the military basic soldiers learn how to drill and march to commands of senior officers. It is not really about learning to drill as much as it is about teaching them to follow orders.

In recent years John and I have gotten away from the daily use of Command Position. In the kitchen that morning my sense told me that it was time to remind John that he was still my little slave boy who was subject to my every command. Yes, he needed that. And yes, if submissive men have the feeling that mistress no longer cares they often become grumpy and even petulant or envious of the freedoms of an eighteen year old.

Love, Kathy