Monday, September 3, 2018

I Am still here

Yes, thank all of you for the concern.

And, yes I will return to the blog. This summer John and I rented a camper and traveled around the United States and into Canada. Our adventure is not yet finished.

What I can tell you is that the detachment from conventual life, and especially detachment from computers felt wonderful. We have met so many people. We have shared dinners and cocktails with people all across America. We have witnessed  beautiful sunsets against the western sky. We have crossed deserts and mountain ranges. On occasion we have even slept under the stars.

If all goes well we will return in a few weeks. And yes, my in box has over a thousands emails that have not been returned.

I do miss all of you.



Tuesday, June 5, 2018

All For Love

This will be my last posting for several weeks.

This is the time of year when John and I go traveling. A part of the plan is to spend some quality time with both out children, and once again become acquainted with our grand children. Beyond that we expect to drive through many-many American states, and at least a couple of Canadian provinces. We are both looking forward to the freedom that comes with the open road. We may also do some camping in the Canadian Rockies.

Being your husband's mistress may not be something that most women aspire to, but for me it is a very satisfying experience that I have come to appreciate. Yes, there is the freedom that comes from being your own woman; from not having to answer to anyone. From time to time it is fun to remind your guy that he answers to you, not you to him. It is also a special treat to know that he appreciates being your submissive, doing as told when and how he is told. As Key mentions in his book he learns to do things Her way, and Her way intrinsically becomes his way. If you want to take a job you take it. If you want to quit the job you quit. The simple truth is that I have come to like being in control of my own destiny. Truthfully, a husband has no need to know how much money you have in the bank, or how you  decide to spend it. And, he is best taught that this is none of his business unless you want him to know, and there are times when I do.

As for John he may not always like doing what he is told, but he does like the idea of having a mistress wife who more or less directs things. This past Saturday night we booked a table at a nice restaurant.  The decision for him to dress up in a  spot coat with a tie was mine. When he started to complain about wearing the tie, I gave him the look that  reminded him of who is the boss and of who is the submissive. There was then a 'yes ma'am' accompanied by a little curtsy that told me that he received the message. And yes, I like to be with men who are well dressed. Dressing up nicely for a dinner or any type of outing is a way for a man to show respect for his lady. Even as a teenager I liked boys in suits. Once a boy picked me up for a date wearing a very nice coat and tie. In the car I gave him a  little  peck of a kiss. 'What is that for', he asked. For dressing up so nicely', I responded. Yes, even back then I liked the idea that he was dressing up for me. And yes, if anyone wants to know I select all of John's clothes.

But, to truly understand the femdom experience, and what it means to a woman you have go beyond the idea of having a man submit to your authority. You need to go beyond the idea of having a man in your service. To understand femdom from a female prospective you need to appreciate the intimacy that comes with the femdom experience. 'Tell me what you are thinking', I say to John. Yes, tell me what you are thinking about this minute', I will repeat to him. And yes, our relatisnhip is such as he will honestly and clearly tell me what he is thinking. A little while back we were out with another couple who are in a female directed relationship. A very young, pretty, and shapely girl walked
by with her date. Like most well behaved men John understood to turn his head away from her. 'Would you like to look at her', I asked. 'Yes', was his honest reply. 'Well, you may look for a moment or two, but no staring' I told him. The other lady- my friend- told her guy he couldn't look.
'You are so liberal with him', my friend remarked. All four of us shared a laugh, but I did notice that
the other gentlemen kept his head down.' Some of you may remember Liz from the early part of the blog. She was a mentor to me, and to this day remains so.

Most of you have heard the expression two hearts beating as one. In a way this is femdom. A uniquely personal relationship with another individual based on love and caring. In a sense a wife brings hippieness to a man by completing him, by making him into whole person. A mistress wife understands that in the absence of female authority a man is not complete. Like mosses in the desert some men will wonder for years looking for that perfect person who will complete his life. While they may not realize it many of these men are looking for women who have the inner strength to lead them to the promised land.  In a real sense these men are looking for the woman who has the mental strength to place a collar and leash around their neck, clamp it closed, and claim them as a the most personal of their processions.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Some Quick thoughts On A Monday Morning.

This is not really suppose to be a series, but the comment from Key made me think back on his book.
For one thing, as a moderator, I could have done a better job. The truth is that it had been some time since my reading, and my memory of the book had been somewhat rusty. As John and I have adopted the pledge as a part of our daily talk it was that part of the book which was front and center on my agenda. But, there are other parts of the book that deserve special attention.

Once again my belief is that Key's book has something to offer for most couples regardless of the level or intensity of their relationship. Even for more so called vanilla couples the examples of silent support are something that every man should be aware of. We hear so many times that the wife is not interested in femdom. The simple truth is that she may not be interested in any type of relationship with a femdom sounding name, but she may be interested in leading or taking more charge of her man, or even  becoming head of house. Words do have meaning, and while a man can't trick his wife into a femdom relationship there might be times when changing the words can help. I would encourage each of you to read through the addendum called silent support. As the book says there are ways to become a better spouse while helping  your wife succeed and blossom. It is about enriching her life. And, the magical thing is that by enriching her life, a loving husband will enrich is own life.

But today I want to talk just a little about the fifteen guidelines that a husband can use as a quick reference. The first one is to surrender to a wife/girlfriend's natural authority. The question than becomes do women have some type of natural authority over men. My simple answer is yes. A little while back we talked about how as a young girl Becky was able to get her father to drive her and her friends wherever they wanted to go. Our son was told to take the bus. Well not quite, but it was different with him. The point is that even our daughter could have her way with John.
While she may not have realized it, her request for assistance were just about the same as an instruction to do something. John could tell our son no, but he could never tell Becky no. Is it any wonder that she is now a mistress to a devoted husband.

Looking back on our pre femdom years John was always ready to do as he was instructed. From a technical point of view, I might have asked would you like to do this or that this weekend, but his answer was always 'whatever you want'. In our present relationship he is simply told what the plans are for the weekend. This morning our neighbor stopped in for a short conversation about some neighborhood issues. 'Would you like a cup of coffee' I asked. 'Yes, if you have some made Carol responded.' With a furtive glance in John's direction, I simply said 'baby, make some fresh coffee for us".

When the coffee was ready John served it. He didn't even have to ask Carol how she liked it fixed.  He remembered from last time and the time before that. And the compliment about how sweet he is was directed toward me. And yes, as John's wife and as his mistress the compliment made me proud.
For a brief moment I felt like saying something to the effect that yes he is a sweet submissive man, but then thought that might be more information than Carol really needed to know. So I simply responded that John takes pride in remembering what visitors like. What I also didn't tell Carol was that I take pride in having a sweet-well trained submissive man for a husband.

If any one is interested we could talk more about these topics, but for now I just encourage you to take another look at these two sections of Surrender, Submit, and Serve.

Love, Kathy

Monday, May 21, 2018

Some Quick Thoughts On A Monday Morning

This is not really a posting. It is not really the start of a new series. More than anything it is just some thoughts related to the comment from Richard related to femdom weddings.

With the royal wedding this weekend in St. Georges chapel everyone is thinking about weddings. John and I watched a few minutes of the ceremony along with the carriage ride. The pageantry was spectacular. Megan was beautiful. By the smile she put on Harry's face you could feel the love and romance.  Harry with his well trimmed beard looked so handsome; so manly and yet so adorably cute that I could have kissed him right there at the altar.

The comment from Richard addressed the idea of femdom weddings. And yes, I think the world may be coming to that, but not in the same way as Richard talks about. It is one thing for the groom to take a public vow of obedience. It is another thing for the groom to wear something cute and skimpy so that he will be ogled by the  women. As mistress wives we want our men to be manly. We want to be the one who wears the beautiful dress. We are the ones who want to be ogled.

What I am trying to say is that modern femdom philosophy is not about men becoming women, and women becoming manly. Femdom is about men acknowledging the natural authority of women in their every day lives. It is about the natural desire of men to serve the lady in their life. A man who is submissive to women is no less a man. This, I believe is the social concept that will drive femdom relationships in the twenty first century.

And, we are starting to see the concept of women leading and making decisions in our everyday lives.
We even see it on television commercials. Sometimes the messages are so subtle that we miss them, but they are there. Here are two examples.

Last month or so I'm hers posted a short video of a man unloading packages from a van. The attractive lady watching him struggle made no effort to help. In the end she even had the poor suffering husband close the rear door by himself. The outward message was simply to show how easy the van's door could be closed. The inner message was about who is in charge. The lady was clearly the boss of this man. He didn't look like a week man. He looked to be what most people would call 'manly', and she wasan't some type of a witch with a spanking rod. Yet, she was the boss. She was the mistress.

This weekend I happened to watch a short commercial from a leading insurance company. In this commercial the message about who was in charge was so subtle that I almost missed it. It is evening and both parents are in bed reading. A teenage boy comes into the bedroom. The teenager, who had been out with the family car, reports that there was a minor fender bender in a narrow drive up. But don't worry he tells the parents because their insurance policy has accident forgiveness. He proudly tells the parents that their insurance rates wont go up. Without a second though the mom calmly tells the teenager that there will be no car for four weeks. The decision on punishment is up to her. The father is not consulted. He clearly has nothing to say in the matter. The wife who is obviously head of house makes the decision completely on her own.

Many of the blogs take the idea of role reversal to an extreme. In the fifties men were in charge. In the current century more women will be in charge. While this may lead to some changes in the ways in which men and women dress, I don't see men starting to wear skirts and makeup. Well, maybe a skirt now and then, but certainly not makeup. Women will always want the look that turns a man's head. We will always want to be the one who is pursued, I think. And, for the outside world we do not want friends and neighbors to know that our guy wears pretty panties under his jeans. No, not yet, I think.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Should Men Be Allowed To Vote.

This last posting was kind of started as a silly little thing to have fun with. Never did I expect it to engender so much of a response. Most of the responses were simple yeses or no's, but some were well written and well thought out. While I am not in favor of disenfranchising men there were arguments that caused me to think about the issue in a  realistic manner.

As mentioned in the comment section I want the same opportunities for both my son and my daughter. In a general way this includes the opportunity to contribute to society as well as earning a living. And, I love them both. I love them both equally. But, over the years my observation has been that Becky matured at a younger age than my son. Its of no importance now, but she learned to use the toilet at an earlier age than my son. From the start she was more interested in school and learning her letters. While our son was very smart he just didn't care for school. The teacher once told me he didn't yet have the maturity. Even in college he had difficulty with adjusting to the lack of supervision that comes with being away from home for the first time. There was never this type of an issue with Becky.

After college our son was able to find a job, but he had a playboy attitude towards life. As far as I know he is not submissive, but what settled him down was meeting the right girl. I am proud to say that this young lady is now our daughter in law. And together they are building a family. She is in no way what anyone would call a mistress wife, but her influence on him has been positive. He watches his weight as well as his credit score. He doesn't miss work because of a hang over or for sleeping through an alarm. She has taught him to wear the right clothes for the right occasion. There have been times when I have wondered whether she actually picks out some of what he wears. What I would say is that he is not submissive, but he is sensitive to her priorities. Does that sentence make sense to all of you?

In looking at my son an argument could have been made that his enfranchisement should have come at a later age than it did with Becky. Is this true in general? I will add to the fire by saying that in my opinion most males do not fully mature until their thirties. Over the years I have had several emails from young men who tell me that they want to have a mistress wife, or want to live as a slave to a strong woman. If they are under thirty I tell them that they probably need more maturity before making that type of a decision.

Until men reach their thirties most of them simply don't know themselves well enough to make life long commitments.  In the studio most of the clients were in their forties or older. It was at a certain age that they recognized their personal need for submission. So many of the comments were the same. 'Yes, I love my wife', they would say, but they also needed a mistress in their lives. And, some of what they needed could be described as kink. Yet, much of their needs simply focused on having a lady to obey and serve. For a few of these men I was privileged to be that lady. You have no idea how many of these men wanted to come clean my house or do my ironing.

Let me know it this post is hitting a chord with any of you, or is it missing the mark.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Should Men Be Allowed to Vote

For all of you who are wondering this is not really a post.

By way of a comment Mistress Linda proposed the idea that men should not be allowed to vote.

Her comment is toward the bottom of the last posting, Back to Basics, Conclusion.

It might be fun I thought to take a survey. How many of you agree with Mistress Linda?

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Back To Basics-Conclusion

There were a couple of emails that criticized me for not concluding the last series in a more formal manner.  Let me say that reading the comments was a learning experience. It was especially interesting to have Key as a commenter and contributor. It any of you haven't read his book, I recommend it. Everyone in a female led relationship, male or female, can get something out of it.
For John and I it was the pledge.  Words have meaning. Saying them out loud to a spouse has a way of crystalizing that meaning in a way that is more real and personal.

In the book Key talks about the weekly meeting. Yes, this is something John and I have been doing for quite some time. And yes, in my opinion men should be kept on their knees for this meeting.
Keeping a man on his knees has a way of reminding him of his place. It also helps him to focus on the discussion at hand. If the meeting is long enough for his knees to start hurting allow him to sit back for a few minuets or so. Either way end  the meeting with him on his knees, and give him the opportunity to kiss your feet as a reward for being a good husband. Every man I ever talked with appreciates the opportunity of kissing the feet of his mistress. Why, I don't know, but they do.

In my opinion a mistress wife never really dominates a man. As mentioned earlier I dislike the term dominate. It seems to imply that you are forcing a man to do things against his will. A mistress wife provides the submissive husband the freedom to be the man he wants to be. Along the way there are rules and protocol that enable a man to do things Her way. I love the way Key capitalizes certain expressions. It makes the point that the husband tends to live in Her world rather than She in his world. The truly submissive man wants to accept Her guidance, Her judgment, and Her way of doing things.

In an earlier post it was mentioned that John opened up a bit to his regular golf partner about our life style. 'Do you always agree with her', he asked. John's response was not always, but most of the time.
'Do you offer an opinion', was the next question. 'Yes, if she ask for one' was John's reply, 'but she does not always ask'. There are times when I want John's opinion. More often than not I will sound out Becky or one of my girlfriends. John's friend asked if he ever became annoyed with me, and if so how did he handle it. John told me that he gave his friend the same advice that he once gave to David.
There may be times that you are frustrated or angry, but the best thing to do is to bite your tongue and think 'yes mistress' ever if you don't say it aloud.

In the book Key seems to think that female judgment is superior. If it is or not I am not really sure.
What is important is for the husband to believe that his wife's judgment is superior to his. This is at least true for matters of the home and the family. And, in that regard I truly believe that my thinking is more on queue than Johns.

It has been several weeks since I read Key's book, but a question that comes up time after time is what do you get out of being John's mistress. Yes, a clean house is nice, and help with the laundry makes things easier, but a woman doesn't marry  a man because she wants a house maid. On that first day without John I cried. That big house that once filled with children, dogs, and a loving man was now empty. There was no longer a 'we', there was only a he and a she. And, in the book Key seems to capture the importance of there being a we.

The question than comes up about what I wanted in a femdom relationship. The answer is simple. I wanted the love of my husband. For me and for many of us the most important thing in life that determines happiness is love. Money is important, and so is health. Yet, without John at my side the other things in life mean little. As strange as it seems I was on a guilt trip. Why didn't John have the confidence to talk with me about his submissive needs. Why didn't  I notice that he needed more control. And then much later in life John opened up about the way Becky tended to lead him when they were together. Of course, it was long after the fact, but this story tended to create some additional feelings of guilt. Could it be that this young lady, our daughter, was actually more of a mistress to him than I had been.

From working with Tara I quickly learned that John needed a mistress. And, I also understood that if I wanted John back in my life I would need to be that mistress. I was not going to be one of those wives who drove their husband to the dominatrix for an afternoon romp. In the beginning I was more of a mistress than a mistress-wife. Although I loved john, and wanted him back as a fixture in my life, there was a matter of trust. He had broken the bonds of our marriage. Men, I told Becky need to be watched. While John has worked hard to rebuild my trust there are issues that will never be quite the same. As I tell Becky know what David is doing at all times and know who he is doing it with. If he is playing golf learn the names of his golfing friends, their wives, and phone numbers. In earlier years there were evenings with friends as well as business dinners. The alarm codes for our home were set in such a way that John could not leave without me knowing about it. And, of course, without permission he was not allowed to leave the house.

While restricting the alarm codes to the house is above and beyond, what I have learned is that John appreciates the controls on his personal freedom. It may just be a submissive thing, but men want to know that you are watching them. They want to know that mistress is looking at the history tab on their computer, the millage on their car as well as restricting the amount of spendable cash in their possession. When you are together the best place for a husband's wallet is in your purse. John once commented that a young teenage boy on our block had more personal freedom and spendable cash than he had. Yes, I told him, and it will stay that way. The thing is that we both like it that way. He wants and needs that control. He is a typical man and I love him for it.

Love, Kathy