Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Slight Shiver

I was  not going to post this morning, but the comment by anonymous made me realize that something is missing from the blog. Many men want a femdom relationship of some type. Yet, most men are afraid of the realization that the wife may actually test them in real life. The test may seem small to others. The test may not seem to mean much to some, but to the male submissive the slightest test can be a challenge.

Femdom is about a different way of loving and living. It is different from the social norm. When a couple enters any type of femdom relationships they are breaking social, cultural mores of many types. In most societies it is common for the wife to serve her husband. In femdom service becomes more of a male responsibility. It is quite acceptable for the women to clean up after family gathering while the men watch the game. In a femdom home the men may not do it all, but they will at least help. In our home it is now common for the men to do the clean up while the women talk and have coffee.

In our home john takes pride in serving. It would be fair to say that John would be slightly embarrassed if I or any female quest were involved in picking up dishes after meals. For John this is considered men's work, and he is proud to have the privilege of doing it. From our son-in-law Becky has received a bit of a mixed message. This Thanksgiving Becky is hosting John and I along with David's parents and sister. While Becky will do the cooking, she has informed David that he will be responsible for serving, picking up, and cleaning. This, I guess, will be the first time he will be serving, and openly taking directions in front of his family.

Within the past year or two Becky has become more assertive in her interactions with David as well as her father. The signal for John to refill a glass, a coffee cup or what ever has always been a touch of the finger toward the top of the glass. Until last year I was the only one giving John that discrete hand signal. Than one day John noticed Becky doing the same. She picked it up form me. As I understood it there was something of a sliver up his spine as John realized his daughter was now giving him request  for service.

Any time we push the envelope back. Any time we pull a leaf off the onion in social relationships there is a little bit of anxiety. There is a little bit of apprehension. John has it, and at times so do I.
Yet, I know that my husband is submissive and serving is part of what makes us both happy.
What I am saying is that there are times when we need to push. There are times when we need to test the waters with new ideas. Femdom is a brave new world for most people. For many men, as well as women, it is a wonderful way to live. In most cases it is our fear of the unknown that is holding us back.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, November 19, 2014


The long term readers of Femdom 101 may recall that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Like Christmas it is a time for giving, for sharing, and being with family, yet without all the distractions.
And yes, it is also a good time for a man to show how devoted he is to his wife and family. It is a good time for a man to turn off the television and serve the lady in his life in the manner that God indented.

In a femdom home a wife's place is at the head of the table. The place of honor, as I call it, is on her immediate right. It is  the place for the husband to sit. It is the place closest to the wife, and closest to the spiritual head of the family. It is also the place where I believe men feel the most comfortable.
In so many simple ways Thanksgiving is a time for a man to demonstrate that he is a new age male. A male who is not afraid to accept direction from a spouse, a man who does not believe it is unmanly to work in the kitchen. And yes, most of all, a man who is not afraid to show that he has a tender more caring side.

Women, like always want their men to be men. They don't want a sissy for a husband. Yet, for many women the definition of the ideal male is changing. This is what we call the New Age Male. He is gentle. He is loving. He is not afraid to display a softer side than his father or grandfather. And, may be most importantly is not afraid to openly defer to his wife. He is not embarrassed to tell the world that his wife is head of house as well as spiritual head of their family.

In most respects my husband is an excellent representation of the New Age Male. On the blog people have often mentioned the courage it takes to come out as submissive in front of the family. What these people don't get is that true femdom is not a game to played at certain times of the day. It is not about pulling the toys out when the children go to be. For the truly submissive man femdom is a way of life. For John femdom is something of a constant celebration of the spiritual nature of the female.
It is about expressing his joy of serving and being close to me.

Thanksgiving is a time for me to thank God. As John is thankful for having a mistress in his life, I am thankful for having a loving, submissive husband whose joy is being of service to me.

Love, Kathy 

Friday, November 7, 2014

Femdom 101 Marathorn

At the start of the week it was not my intention to make this any type of a Femdom 101 marathon.

In truth is was the response by way of the comments that kept me interested in the blog. By in large the comments were well thought out, sincere, and well worth the reading.

While I do believe in femdom for many couples it is not for everyone. There are women who simply can not adjust to the role of mistress. There are also men who believe they are deeply submissive, but fail when tested. It is really up to the mistress wife to keep her husband on track, and this is not always easy. It goes back to discipline; a system of rules, protocols, and punishments. In world where equality is praised as the norm this is not easy for the wife. This is especially true when she has no friends, no connection, in the lifestyle.

Also, it is my belief that true femdom is not right for most couples younger than thirty something.
Femdom, for both the husband and wife requires a certain amount of life experience. In spite of everything I have read it is my personal belief that older men make the best husbands.  In many cases I believe these older men can be successfully pared with younger wives. In many situations there was a first marriage that did not succeed because of the failure of the wife to take control. Men in their forties and fifties are very vulnerable to younger women who are willing to provide the structure they need, but can not have it at home.

The other sad part is very often men will open up more with second wives than with first wives.
Why, I don't know. Over the last several months I have had a number of comments as well as emails from men who are in successful second marriages with a wife who rules them. Many of these men seem to have wished they had discovered female rule earlier in their lives. On some level I wish that John and I could have had a femdom relationship from the start, yet we are both grateful for finding it later in life. And who knows it might not have worked for us in our younger years. Younger men, even those who are very submissive, often have difficulty in sweeping their male ego under the carpet.

I will always remember the first time that Becky gave John the signal that she wanted her coffee cup refilled. No one told her to do this. She simply witnessed mom putting her index finger to the cup as a signal. If it worked for mom, she thought, it should work for her. It took her several times doing this before John caught on. He, like most men, is attuned to watching his mistress's hands for signals. That evening I casually instructed him to start watching Becky's hands as well as mine. Serving Becky is this way was a little bit of a hit to his ego, but in so many other ways he was glad to do it.

For older men submission is not all about sexual matters like it is for younger men. At least I am convinced of that. And yes, form comments I have determined that men are often submissive to  their adult daughters. Is there anything wrong with that? In my opinion no. Either way this is controversial topic that I am not ready to discuss. Let it be said that as a man, as a provider, and as a father John is a person whom I am proud to call mine. He is a sweet, gentle man who has made sacrifices to live the life he wants to live. It takes courage, manly courage, to do what John has done.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, November 6, 2014


We have talked a great deal about the challenges that come with being a submissive husband in a femdom marriage. The question came to me about the challenges of being a mistress wife. The biggest challenge is always having to be in control, of being the boss, and the decision maker.
There are times when you just want to cuddle up and be his baby. And yes, there are times when you can do that, but there are times when you can't. This is when having a support structure, friends in the lifestyle becomes so important. These special friends mean the world to me. In a way I feel sorry for any woman who attempts to become a mistress without having this support structure.

Love, Kathy

Rule Number 1 continued

Some of you may be interested in the follow up to the incident related to the car. I sent her an email asking how she handled the situation with the back talk from the husband.

This lady's response was interesting.  She didn't want to get into a real argument in front of her mother-in-law. Instead, for the moment she let the matter drop. When they were along she let the husband know that she was 'most' embarrassed, and didn't appreciate his back talk. Alone with his wife, away from other people the husband was much more submissive. He apologized. He told her he was a little embarrassed to take orders in front of his mom. In a soft, feminine voice she explained that his job was to do as told regardless of the circumstances. She then asked him if he understood.
The response was a 'yes ma'am'. She then had him repeat the conversation back to her. She had learned this technique, she told me from reading Femdom 101.

After he repeated the conversation back, she told him  he was to be punished. The word punishment actually got him a little excited she told me. She asked him to think of an appropriate punishment.
He suggested a spanking or corner time. No, she said. You can have your choice of two things.
Either the loss of cell phone use for the weekend on the loss of computer privileges for several weeks.
When hearing the choices he jumped on the cell phone. She then told him 'one more thing'. You will need to have a new greeting put on your cell phone to the effect that your wife is punishing you for  for back talking to her, and as such will not have the use of the phone until Monday morning.

 Apparently this gentlemen plays something called fantasy football. I don't know how it works, but he and his buddies talk back and forth all weekend about the games. When he heard the instruction about the greeting he went into a panic. She laughed at him and asked if he wanted to change his mind about the punishment. In the end this man lost his computer privileges for a length of time.
However, he was also warned that the next episode of back talk might very well lead to a loss of cell phone privileges with an embarrassing greeting on his phone.

For Ur the answer is that you can not do it alone. On their own, without female discipline, most men don't have the strength of character to be the type of true submissive that thrive in flrs.. This is part of why stealth submission never works in the long term. That is why a mistress wife often needs to be firm with her man. This is why punishment is sometimes needed. As time goes on, and as a couple settles into more and more routines the need for punishment is greatly reduced. Men still need the structure that female control provides to them.  They never grow out of that need. They want it, they crave it as much as ever. However, as they grow in relationships and maturity they learn to please. With over ten years in a femdom relationship obedience is now second nature to John. This makes my job easier. And yes, there are still times when he test me. And yes, there are times when I test him by pushing some of his limits. A good example of this is the gentlemen who was sent to LA to clean up the daughter's apartment. Being placed under the authority of his daughter and friends had to test the limits of his submissive nature. How many of the men reading this posting could have handled this situation with grace and decorum? One of things John told our son-in-law is that there are many times when you simply need to sweep your male ego under the carpet and forget about it.

In the long run submissive men understand they are happiest when the women are in control,
In the short term, however, they know there are challenges. To overcome these challenges most men need the loving attention of a woman to keep them in line. And yes, there is a certain fear of being punished. More important than that is the fear that comes with disappointing a wife for acting in ways that she does not approve of-ways that are destructive to the relationship. One of the things that has worked for our family is that John has taken an interest in David. He has become something of a mentor to him. David has watched his father-in-law humble himself by asking Becky for permission to see a movie, or watch a game on the television. This type of open humility has made a strong impression on David. He understands that men who are not macho can be loved and treasured by the women in their life. Being obedient to a wife does not mean you are a sissy. Obedience takes strength of character. There are times when obedience needs the help of discipline even for the strongest men.

Even things that may be difficult for men such as  asking an adult daughter for permission to see a movie now come more naturally to John. In the home environment men do become very docile.
I have seen it with John. I have seen it with the husbands of my friends. John thinks nothing of teaching our son-in-law how to iron a skirt or blouse. Like swinging a golf club it is a skill he is proud to show off. He thinks of himself as the new age male who is not afraid to handle jobs that were once considered only for women. Like many so called new age males he believes the wife should be head of house, and mistress to her man. He believes, and I agree, that most couples would be happier living in flrs.

In the business world John can be a tiger as well as a leader of men. When he comes in the front door at the end of the work day he becomes a slave husband bound to a mistress. And yes, for men clothes can make the difference. In the home keeping a man in panties is often a way to relax him from the stresses of the outside world. There are even times when he is allowed to wear a skirt, and dress up pretty for mistress. This is the end result of years of domestic discipline. If you don't want this in a husband, don't encourage him. And, for men reading this blog please realize that most women do not want to have control over a husband in this way. They think of control as unfeminine. Women want to be loved and adored.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Rule Number 1

One of my regular readers emailed me yesterday about the incident in the dog park. It reminded her of an incident that happened with her husband some time ago. It seems that this lady was out and about with her husband and his mother. While they were having lunch in a restaurant it started to rain. In front of the mother this lady instructed her husband to get the car and pick them up. The husband, who had been looking for something of a femdom relationship, was embarrassed to be told what to do in front of his mother. Instead of doing as told he argued with her. No, he said we can wait until it stops raining.

Rule Number 1 is don't ever argue with your wife. Always do as told, do it with a smile.
And, don't ever, ever embarrass your wife in front of other people. That last sentence should be in capitals, but men do it every day.  It doesn't matter if it is your wife's friend, her mother, your mother, a sister or who ever; you are there to serve and obey. A lot of men don't get this. Yes, they are submissive, or think they are, but not in front of certain other people.

The first thing that any man, boyfriend, or husband needs to learn is that You make the rules. There are situations that will test his commitment to femdom. If a wife really wants to become her man's mistress she should be willing to test him in difficult situations. Some men are up to challenges. Many are not. The fantasy of living in a female controlled world is one thing. The reality is often another. A man who has been tested and tried in difficult situations is much more reliable than one who has not. Testing and trying men in difficult situations enforces their commitment to you and to the relationship.

Men have no idea how much courage it takes for a wife to step out of the role she has been raised for since childhood for. A simple act of talking back can destroy her confidence.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Domestic Discipline Part 1

Thank all of you who took the time to share. All in all I believe the comments to the postings related to self discovery were some of the best I have ever read. For many couples male submission is the silent elephant in the room. It is something that prevents true intimacy between a woman and her husband. It keeps them from enjoying the life together that they should have. The difference between now and only a few years ago is the number of couples who are actively exploring femdom relationships. It is not that every husband in a femdom relationship is a slave or servant to his wife.
It is though that the wife is the person who is in charge, the person who makes the major decisions, and the person with authority over the other. Many men are happiest in the role of a follower. Many men are happiest when their wife excerpts her authority over them. Both my husband and my son-in-law are these types of men.

For most couples in femdom relationships there is a kind of implied understanding. No one actually talks openly about being the decision maker, about being the boss, but both of them know who it is that wears the pants. Men may be ashamed to admit that the wife wears the pants, but women are even more embarrassed to admit that a husband lives under her authority. For both the husband and the wife there is a social stigma attached to the idea that one of them has control over the other. It is this lack of open discussion that is limiting the growth of true femdom relationships.
Many people who are into femdom are in some type of a scene based playgroup. Not that there is any thing wrong with that, but it is not real life.

This past week I took our puppy to the dog park for exercise and socialization. While watching the dog I happened into a conversation with a young lady who must have been in her late twenties.
A man was with her who appeared to be a husband. He stood in the background without saying much. It was as if his job was to hold the leash as well the tote bag with water bottles. As we stood there admiring our pets, my puppy relieved it self. The rule is that everyone cleans up after there own pet. As I started to pull out a clean up bag, the young lady said my husband will get that. With that comment she turned to her husband and said something like honey you know what to do.  The husband immediately proceeded to pick up the poop. When I started to say something like thank you, your husband is very nice, she replied with  you're welcome and changed the subject.

From that small bit of conversation it was more than obvious that this couple had some type of a femdom relationship. When it was time to leave, she simply told him it was time. There was no discussion. This young husband did as told, but this lady had no desire to talk about their relationship.
Another person, one who was less attuned to femdom would probably not have picked up any type of vive from her. Why exactly this lady had her husband do a favor for me I don't know. The only thing obvious was that she had full confidence that her husband would do as told. I couldn't help but wonder if she actively trained her husband in any way. I couldn't help but wonder if or how she disciplined him. As an outsider at the dog park these were things that I was not privy to.

As I was driving home one thought kept occurring to me. While I did not know this young lady, I did enjoy being in her company. The thought then occurred to me that I enjoy being with women who are self confident, and who are not afraid to be leaders with their men. This perhaps is why I enjoyed the experience of working with Tara and company. This is why I have enjoyed the relationship with the little group of Tara trainees. As women and wives we have one thing in common.  It is not that we are dominant personalities. It is that we are all self confident. We are not afraid to lead our men. We are not afraid to take charge of the family. Why are we so afraid to talk about it?

What I also believe is that some men need more than a type of casual femdom relationship. These men need wives who will actively discipline them. With the term discipline I am not necessarily talking about spanking or physical punishment. For me the term discipline refers to a system of rules, protocols put in place by the wife, terms of which are enforced by the wife under threat of punishment .

For me a well disciplined man is one who abides by the rules and protocols made by his wife, and who understands that he is subject to her punishment for any breach. The well disciplined husband does not live in fear of his wife because he understands how to please her. He understands how to make her happy, and her happiness becomes his goal. In a way it becomes a symbiotic relationship
with each person benefiting form it in there own way. My daughter is now beginning to understand that by being a mistress to her man she is not taking something away as much as making a gift to him.

Love, Kathy