Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Total Focus, Absolute Obedince

Thank all of you who contributed by way of comments to the last few postings. The post that touched me in a special way was the one by Brain. As a young man Brian had the experience with a dominatrix who was at the same time cruel, demanding, and yet personable to the degree that there was a relationship that went beyond the usual pay for play. Brian feel for her head over heels, but for the mistress it was not about feelings or caring as much as it was a way to 'get off' by pushing a button that sent electrical shock waves up his scrotum.

From reading the comment it is apparent that Brian's fear of this women was real. Yet, in spite of the fear he returned, and returned again and again to face the same cruelty. The question most of you might ask is why. No one was forcing him to return to this woman week after week, month after month, but he did. This woman has some type of a power over him. The power may have been abusive, but it was very real. It easy in femdom, or in any relationship where one person has power over another for it to become abusive.

Over the years I have been criticized for being too lenient with John. Those of you who are long term readers of Femdom 101 know that I have never used a whip, a paddle, or anything like that on my husband. In the studio Tara once put a whip in my hand and encouraged me to apply it to the back side of one of the clients. As first I was very gentle. With each stoke my swing became more firm and study until it inflicted real pain. Then suddenly I realized that swinging the whip was fun. It gave me a sense of power and a type of thrill that made me feel 'different'.

Tara and I laughed as the young man cried in pain. The laughter was a part of the dominatrix ritual that was meant to make the patent feel like a worm of some type. Yet, on a more practical level, the truth was that swinging the whip was fun. I remember Tara asking if swinging the whip got me excited. 'Yes, I guess a little' I responded . The truth, however, was that it was more than just a little
exiting to have a man so firmly under my control.  The more he was hit, the more he cried, the more he wanted it, and the more I wanted to give it to him.

 That evening I asked Tara not to ever make me whip a man like that again. She understood. It was taking me to a place I didn't want to go. 'Did she ever whip her husband', I asked. 'Yes' she responded
'some men need the whip'. The whip she felt was the only way she could get true obedience from him. 'The whip', she told me 'was what he feared the most'. 'Does he ever resist', I  remember asking.
'No, he is afraid to'. she responded.  Men, just like women stay in relationships that are abusive.
In a sense Brain was this woman's slave because he was either afraid to leave or knew that she was giving him something he needed.

Brian, sweetheart, thank you for contributing. The whip or the electrical shock device might work for just the right woman. However, as humans, it is hard to find the person with just the right
temperament to wheel a device of such power over another person without  becoming abusive.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Response to Brian

Thank you Brian.  In my opinion your comment speaks volumes about what is wrong with shock devices and serious spankings of every type. So much of this type of punishment is about the giver not the receiver. It can easily lead to abuse. Femdom is about love and caring, not abuse. If you were mine I would to hold you,  crest you, and keep you safe. You would be one of my special angels.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Taking A Break

I will be away from the blog for several days with a project.

There is a really cute short film on You Tube called the Oppressed Majority.  It is one of those flip side type films. Please take a look at it. When I come back we will talk about it on the blog.

Love, Kathy

Monday, January 19, 2015

Male Management Follow Up

Thank all of you for the input. I was hoping to hear from someone who has had first hand experience  with one of these electrical type shock devices?

When I worked in the studio there was no such thing as male chastity devices. Now, it seems they are quite common. John has never been placed in one of these. My only practical experience was a few years ago with a friend. During a visit Karen was gracious enough to allow me the experience of placing a chastity device on her husband. He was stimulated to the degree that we needed to use ice in order to calm him to the point where the unit could be slipped on. I remember having difficulty squeezing his testicles through the ring. She showed me the technique that worked for. I remember thinking that holding the key must give her tremendous authority over this man. She later told me that the use of the chastity device was the tool that truly transformed the nature of their marriage. These new products with remote devices seem to add an extra dimension of control to the idea of managing a man. I am not yet sure if the use of these electrical devices is for real or only for play sessions.

There was one glowing comment about the product.  It was almost more of an advisement than a testimonial. In a way I was shocked to hear that this type of a product even exists. It was only a few years ago I was surprised to learn about locking chastity devices. These electrical shocking devices are clearly on the fringe.  What I have learned is that what is on the fringe one year sometimes becomes accepted practice a few years later. Yes, in today's world new brides are sometimes given high quality locking devices that are not intended as gag gifts.

Once I heard of a homosexual couple who experimented with shocking devices from a pet store.
This seems dangerous. At least one of my girl friends from Tara days has admitted to locking her guy. She likes the feeling of keeping her man safe from temptation. From what she tells me her husband also seems to like the idea of being locked. I suspect that this desire to be locked has it roots in the masculine need for female control. Locking a man's provides, and pulling him around with an attached leash is close to the ultimate control. In the studio we used a type of Velcro leash which wrapped around the shaft. The clients loved to be pulled around in this fashion. It is easy to see how these new devices which combine locking with remote impulses is like putting a training program on steroids.

In a way I am  an old fashioned. I like training my man one step at a time. For me, male management it is not only about the training as it is also about developing the relationship. What I am trying to say is that  a femdom relationship of almost any kind should be based on feelings that are real and genuine. Is it possible for man who trained has been trained with the whip, or its modern day equivalent: shocking devices, to truly develop feelings for his mistress? Maybe in some circumstances, but I not sure. It seems to me that the constant fear of an electrical shock to his private area would tend to make any man extremely defensive.?

It is  important to separate the reality from the fantasy. If worn on an extended basis a shocking type of device would give a woman tremendous power over her spouse. There would never be a need for either arguments or discussions because resolution of any dispute would simply be one click away. In real life this type of immediate punishment doesn't really tie in with my beliefs in loving female authority. Neither does spanking or pain. Never the less I am only one person. What I have learned is that femdom as a general title encompasses many styles of life and loving. In my world training a man to respect female authority, obedience training and such helps a couple develop feelings for each other. In my world a man understands that punishment is for his own good and is administered as a necessary evil.  Yet, for me, it is difficult  to understand how shock devices could ever be a part of a femdom marriage? I look forward to hearing from each and everyone of you on this topic.

Love, Kathy

Friday, January 16, 2015

Male Management

As of late I have used the term Male Management several times on the blog. In many ways the term seems to fit what we are trying to accomplish in femdom relationships.. However, the term is not of my creation.

This was the first year our  group did not meet for the Christmas luncheon. By way of an email one of my friends introduced me to a internet site by the name of Dream Lovers. She suggested that we all take a look at in, and talk about their product at our next gathering. She also said the site would make me laugh with delight.

Without going into detail this company manufactures a type of add on device for chastity appliances.
The device is capable of sending an electric pulse to a man's private part. The timing and intensity of the pulse is determined by a remote control which is held by the mistress. The purpose of the device is both for training and punishment as it puts tremendous power in the hands of the man's owner.

Without spending too much time I quickly read through the site. In a sense I found it interesting that this type of a product would really exist. I couldn't help but wonder if anyone has actually used this product, or has had any type of practical experience with it?


Wednesday, January 14, 2015

The Softer Side Of Femdom

I hope everyone has been enjoying the recent activity on the blog. I also hope that for some of you the blog has been an inspiration for acceptance and change in favor of a life that is more rewarding. There is a time in his life when every so called submissive man must ask him self the same questions. Is this really who I am. Would I really be happier living under the authority of a woman? Would I really be happier if I gave her total control of my life?  In his own heart every man must answer these questions for him self. Self discovery and self acceptance is a big part of learning what is important to each of as an individuals.

Over the last ten years I have made the journey from dominatrix wife to mistress wife. In the early part of our femdom marriage I punished john by humiliating him in public, I restricted his freedom to the point where he was not allowed to leave the house without permission. For his part John was more of a slave than a husband. What I believe is that our marriage has evolved to where John is now more of a husband than a slave. This in my heart is what I have always wanted but didn't understand how to accomplish.

A few years ago someone made the comment that a dominant wife does not need a man to protect her or take care of her. That may be correct for some mistress wives, I don't really know. What I can tell you is that John has always been my protector. On those dark nights when my parents passed he was the one who wiped my tears and held me tight. It was because we were so close that the separation was so hard for me. There were so many nights that I cried my self to sleep. Without John there was no one to wipe the tears. For so many years there was always a we, and suddenly one day there was only a me.

When I woke from the night mare of separation there were so many conflicting feeling. There was anger that he had strayed. There was also the guilt that I could have been a more understanding  wife. Had John been giving me signals that I missed. Had he been trying to tell me of his submissive side all along. There had been an absence or real communication in our lives. It is hard to say if it was his fault or mine, but there is a need in every couple's life for truly intimate conversation.

Last night, as we do every night, I took John to that corner of our bed room where we talk. There is a comfortable chair which we refer to as the mistress chair where I sit. John kneels in front of me. In some ways kenneling in front of a wife makes it easier for a submissive man open up. I am pleased to see that Becky now follows the same practice with David. We share our thoughts. We share our inner secrets. While we are talking I often have John put his head on my lap. I like to gently scratch the back of his neck with my fingernails. It tickles and makes him swoon with delight. When we are finished talking, I bend over, kiss the back of his neck and tell him good night my love, or sometimes good night my slave. Last night John responded with ' I love you mistress' which made me realize there is another meaning to the mistress word. Yes, aside from a title of respect, or ownership, the word mistress may also be used as a symbol of affection.

Femdom is neither harsh nor cruel. Femdom is about acceptance and love. It is allowing a husband the freedom to live the life he needs to live in order to be truly happy. If more wives understood this they would be more embracing of the lifestyle. Many women believe that the femdom life stile will cause them to become less feminine over the years, less attractive to their husbands. In a sense I believe having a secure loving spouse brings out more of the femininity in us.


Monday, January 12, 2015

The Conversation Continued

One of the wonderful things about having grown children is the opportunity to talk with them on an adult basis. As a mom the challenge is to be helpful rather than intrusive. Often times I will find myself walking a fine line as Becky and I talk about issues with her family. It is one thing to ask about what the children might want for Christmas. It is quite another thing to suggest that her husband might have some of the same submissive needs as that of her father.

Someone asked if it easy for women to tell if a man is submissive. Masculine submission  is not something you can just look at and make a determination.. In my opinion you really need to get to know a person to see how they react to challenges and controversy. For example a truly submissive man will almost always give in when his opinion is challenged. This is especially true when his opinion is challenged by a female. The submissive man is quick to say that I take no offense by what you told me as I'm Hers did on the challenge of his use of the bitch word.  And yes, I do love to be around men like him and John who are among those special angles who live to please.

Toward the end of that conversation with Becky I mentioned to her that her husband had some of the same submissive characteristics as her father. She was surprised to hear me say this. 'What do you mean', she asked. At that moment we were sipping wine and our glasses were on the empty side.
I suggested to her that she call David in form the kitchen so that he could refill our glasses. 'Why should I do that,' she asked 'the bottle is right here'. I laughed a little, and told her it is an experiment.
'Call him in, ask him sweetly to refill the glasses, and then send him back to the kitchen' I suggested to her. Becky gave me a strange look, but she did call him in response to my request.

When called David quickly came in form the kitchen where he and John had been working. 'Honey, refill our glasses please' she said to him with a sweet smile. David looked a little confused as the bottle sat on the table within easy reach of Becky's hand. David said sure and  did as requested. Becky then said something like thank you honey while sending him back to the kitchen. David's only response was something like 'do you need anything else'. 'No' Becky responded 'you are excused'. David could not hide the smile on his face as he said thank you to her.

That little episode with the wine bottle was meant to give Becky a lesson in what is commonly referred to as male management. Femdom is not really about whips and chains. Most often it is about the little things such as allowing a man the privilege of serving. Learning to be a mistress is often  about learning to enjoy men as loving submissive beings who want little more in life than serving a mistress. For some reason society seems to classify submissive men as of less value than the so called alpha males. Yet, in my estimation it is the submissive husband who makes being a woman so very special. Not all men are submissive, but those few who want to please with their desire for service are truly special. They are the keepers. Just as I am lucky to have my baby, Katie is fortunate to have found her jewel.

Love, Mistress