Thursday, January 19, 2017

Loving Female Authority.....

As women we are all attracted to men for different reasons. In the Crown young Elizabeth was attracted to Philip for his strength. It is no secret that I was first attracted to John because of his sweetness. Before John I went out with an athlete who really cared only for himself. It took me time to understand that John was different, he cared about me. If I needed a ride John thought nothing of rearranging his schedule so that he could take me. He wanted to be with me, he wanted to please. Girls in the dorm often complained that their guy 'dumped' them on a  Saturday night because they had something better to do. My John was always there for me. This is a special trait in a man.
It is a trait that most every woman values in the man they love.

Several years ago while she was still in college Becky once asked me how do you know when you are  in love with a man. It was not an easy question for me to answer. She went on with the question, pressed her point by asking how did I know that daddy was the one. When every day you look forward to seeing him, to having him with you, and yes, I said, by the way he kisses.With that comment Becky laughed. It may seen silly, but when a woman really likes a guy she likes the way he kisses. He may kiss the way most other men do, but to her his kisses are special.

While we have not yet watched all of the story Elizabeth had the same problem that many young women have with their husbands. When you are first attracted to a man because of his strength or whatever, how do you go from there to being something of a mistress to him. How do you tell him that he will not be allowed to have a career or control his own life in any real manner without lousing the attributes that first attracted you to him. This is part of the dilemma  Becky faced when David first opened up to her. If I do these things, she thought, will I still want him as my husband. Will he still be the same man I fell in love with.

Reading through most of the 'boy' blogs my impression is that many of the writers have no understanding of what it takes for a woman to more from the role of wife to that of  mistress.
Most of us were not raised in femdom type homes. In the marriage ceremony no one put a crown on our heads or anointed us with oils. What we had was a blessing with no one except a mom to act as our advisor. If we were lucky their were friends.

It was on a phone call several years ago that Becky first came to me. 'Mom', she said, 'David wants the type of marriage that you and dad have'. So, I said, how do you feel about it. 'I don't know' she responded. We went on talking for an hour or more. It is a responsibility to rule a man, I told her. It is also an act of love, I reminded her. There are many men in the world today that need both the affection and the control of the woman they are married to. They don't know how to ask, or they are simply afraid to askfor fearing rejection. 'If it were socially acceptable for a husband to be ruled by his wife half the men in the country might be wearing a collar', I told her with a little  bit of a giggle. For Becky that is how the journey began.

What I was told a long time ago is that a wedding is not only about having a big party. A wedding is about a new way of life. It is about the assumption of new obligations. One of those obligations is to love and to care for your man. In femdom marriages the caring for your man can be interpreted a little differently than in the more vanilla type of to relationships. Yet the same principles hold true. You as a wife need to know what is good for him even when he doesn't understand it himself. You need to be willing to discipline him, to hold him accountable, and must be willing to punish when it is necessary.

Between the need to make a living and the need to raise children it is all to easy for a couple to louse intimacy. When a couple louses intimacy it is just as easy to fall out of love as it was to fall in love.
For John and I femdom has kept the spark alive, the love fresh, and the  poetry in our lives. He has learned to respect me as his mistress as well as love me as his wife. He has learned the value of obedience in his life. This is often a difficult thing for men, even submissive men to understand.

Please let me know if you are finding this series interesting, or if the words seem to come from another preachy lady who doesn't understand the world? I want to here from each of you if this series is to continue.

Love, Kathy

Monday, January 16, 2017

Loving Female Authority....

Often times it is true that the words to start a post seem to elude me. Today is different as I know exactly how to began this post. I want to publicly thank Mz Kaylee for sharing her thoughts on Femdom 101. Also, I read her blog, and often get ideas from her words and thoughts as they are valued by me.We need more women boggers. The world would be a better place if more women were willing to practice the femdom lifestyle in their homes. While I have never been a so called female supremacist there is a need for women to have a larger, more equal voice with men. In the privacy of the home there absolutely nothing wrong with a man who finds the courage to kneel before his personal queen and mistress. This, for me, is a sign of a strong and loving man.

There was an email that came in this morning from a friend in the lifestyle who took issue with some of what I have recently said. In the past  I  have made the remark that women are not accustomed to punishing  men, and this is a problem. What she said to me made sense. 'Kathy, ways to punish men come natural to us,' she wrote. Then she asked if I had ever given a man a frown or the silent treatment. Yes, of course, I thought. She then reminded me that frowning is a simple, and somewhat easy method of letting a man know of your displeasure. Then she  talked about women  withholding sex from men. As I read these words I remembered a boy from high school. We went out on a few dates. One evening he made me angry for some reason. That night when he dropped me off I wouldn't allow him to kiss me. Was that not a way of punishing him in some small way?

Never the less more serious forms of punishment do not come easily for most women. As a quick aside it might be well to again mention the Crown. In the last episode the royal couple was on a very tedious journey to the Common Wealth locations. Phillip's nerves were strained. He wanted some time off form the tour. She said no. He then 'spoke back' to her in a tone that a man should never use with his wife. In an angry outburst she told him to get out and then chassed him away. She acted in a manner that was not appropriate for either a queen or a mistress. At that moment  the thought occurred to me that she had never really trained Philip. She had never learned to hold him accountable for his actions. She had never learned to punish him.

If the young Philip had been  properly educated in the way of serving his lady the argument would probably never have occurred.  If it had occurred she would have known how to handle the situation. With a snap of my fingers John would have immediately been directed to the floor. There would then have been a lecture followed by some type of punishment. According to the show there were two activities which were of importance to Philip, flying and the lunch club.  Already, she had not been pleased with some of Phillip's behavior arising from the association of his lunch club friends. While a wife should try not to remove male friends from her husband's life, there are some times when it is necessary. For example, if your guy comes back home with obvious sings of indulging in alcoholic beverages it is a good time to evaluate the situation.

Going back to the story taking away activities such  as the lunch club or flying would not have been effective forms of punishment. These activities were too far removed from the situation at hand. Elizabeth needed a more immediate punishment. In my view she also needed a punishment that would bring Phillip's male ego under her control. My choice of punishment would have been corner time with a coin between his nose and the wall. Only after that would Philip have been  given an opportunity to apologize. Or perhaps if there were a banquet that evening he might have been left in the room without dinner- under the supervision of the queen's secretary. In the story Elizabeth had a loyal secretary who was trained to serve her. If he were my secretary, he would have been given some authority over Phillip.

One of the things that bother me about Phillip's behaver is that I don't hear a lot of 'would you mind' or 'may I do such and such'. The lack of this type of training is a reflection on Elisabeth.
Of course, she had been taught things about the constitution, but very little if anything about the handling of a spouse. In many ways I plead guilty to the same crime. For the most part Becky was taught to be a good girl. Thinking back on things there should have been more education in the way of handling men, of being more of an independent woman.

There was  cute little story on Yahoo this morning. It seems like a group of women are into an activity called Nail Art in which designs are drawn on the fingernails. An observer, a male, asked the leader of the group why they were doing this because men do not care for it. With that question it seems there was a chuckle from the women. The answer was simply we don't care what men think. 'We are doing this for ourselves', was the general reply. There is a growing movement in the world toward female independence.

As mistress wives we still do things for our men. It is a part of our DNA. It is a part of our femininity, yet there is a difference. We work at understanding our guys. We give them the control they need.
As an encouragement to become better husbands and fathers we give them privileges. We allow them to associate with male friends, watch sports events, fish and golf, and whatever. Yet, our men also understand that these privileges can and will be withdrawn for behavior that is not acceptable. We also define for our men what behavior is acceptable and what is not. In the story line we see Elizabeth struggling with this concept. She understood that returning to the palace inebriated and giggling was not acceptable, but she didn't know how to deal with it. As such she tolerated the ill behavior instead of actively controlling it.

Love, Kathy

Friday, January 13, 2017

Loving Female Authority.

Every so often the words I am looking for just do not seem to come. The subject of Femdom 101 is  loving female authority as practiced between a man and a woman in a committed relationship.
When I focus on this topic, look at the world around me, what I see is that there is so much need for couples to adopt living arrangements where by the wife is in charge of her home, her family, and her husband. This is not an anti male statement as men generally favor these relationships more than women, and tend to thrive in them.

Many readers continue to associate femdom with BDSM, strict punishments, and general cruelty toward husbands. In reality femdom living is really about a kinder, gentler way of life. Many of our parents had something of a femdom relationship, but didn't know what to call it. John and I have been watching the Crown on Netflix. For those of you who have not seen the show it is about the life of Queen Elizabeth and her husband, Philip. By end of the first episode the realization hit me that they had a femdom marriage.

In the show Elizabeth faces the ever present challenge of balancing her obligations as queen with those of a wife. Life most women she is not naturally dominant, and has no desire to rule over her husband. For his part, Philip, seems to want more independence. Yet, as the husband of the queen, he must yield to her decisions. She, with the consent of government makes the decision to keep her last name instead of his. The children of the marriage will carry her name, Windsor, not his last name.
Imagine how humiliating this must have been for a man in 1952. She also made the decision that he would not return to his profession as a naval officer, but would remain as a house husband. To keep him busy she would give him small jobs to do such as dealing with her inauguration, but she supervised and approved all of his actions.

The episode John and I watched yesterday evening dealt with Elizabeth's inauguration as queen. By custom, Philip, as a duke was required to kneel at her feet to pledge his loyalty and obedience. The episode shows him asking for an exception to this requirement. Understanding that it would set the wrong tone, Elizabeth denies his request. In front of hundreds of people, world wide television,
Philip  goes down on two knees to pledge obedience to her, his wife and queen, and I suspect his mistress.

In the television version what impressed me was how firm Elizabeth was when she rejected Phillips request for an exception. What she seemed to be saying was that this is the way it should be, this is the way I want it, and you will do as told. As a young wife and queen she had the confidence to direct her husband. This is the same type of confidence I see in my daughter. When giving directions to her husband she has every confidence that he will obey. She, as Elizabeth, will listen to her husband's request, but the decisions are hers. The simple truth is that many men are happier, more satisfied with life when a wife has this type of authority over them.

Love you for reading,


Thursday, December 29, 2016

Loving Female Authoity

It is my hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas. Sometimes I worry about those of you who turned to the blog during the Christmas holiday. Surely, I think, there must be better things to do than sit down in front of the computer. For those who are interested John and I had a wonderful Christmas. For a couple of days we had Becky and her children with us. David, who had to work, joined us on Christmas eve in time for Santa's visit. There were a lot of presents, good things to eat, and the light modern version of midnight mass.

This morning was a good time for me to read thought the comments related to the last posting and also those on the I'm Hers blog. The first things that should be considered is that the male brain is a paradox of endless confusions. Very few men really understand what it is that they want, and fewer still understand what it is that they need. The submissive male cries out for discipline and often for punishment. When the punishment finally comes he sometimes resents the person giving it to him. Most of the time, however, it is my feeling that punishment can and will bring a couple closer together.

The  men who read the blog seem to be fixated on physical punishment such as spanking.
In their imagination the harder the spanking the better. The reality of this idea may be true for some men.  Those who are truly masochist may benefit in a previse way by a heavy whipping, but this is not the situation for most men. This is not to say that some physical spanking, such as with a hairbrush is a bad thing. Becky's husband came to her. He wanted Becky to take the lead in their marriage. He wanted her to put rules in place to guide his life, and told her that he wanted to be held accountable.

In response to David's request for accountability Becky turned to the hairbrush. David, at first, was excited with the idea of going over her knee for a spanking. What he didn't count on was Becky's decision to spank him with the bristle side of the brush. The bristles are firm and sharp. Even  a light smack causes severe pain. In a sense she turned the tables on him. Instead of looking forward to something of an erotic over the knee experience, David was suddenly confronted with a wife who meant business. The idea of 'acting out' in hope of a fun punishment was a thing of the past. As with that day on the mountain David understood the reality that 'she' was in control.

Somewhere along the way David came to the realization that he liked life better when Becky was truly in control. Their femdom game play has morphed in into something different-something real.
Although it took her some time to become accustomed to the idea Becky realized that she liked the real thing better than the play. In their home today Becky makes the rules. She controls the money with David receiving an allowance. Aside from work he is not allowed out of the house unless given permission. And, from what she can see he is happy as well as attentive to both her and the children.

What most men value in a marriage is a wife that loves and cares about them. Most men  also want a wife who is confident enough to make certain rules of behavior for them. Like it or not men need a certain amount of female authority  as a way of balancing out their lives. Women have the wrong idea about becoming a mistress to their men. They believe it requires them to give up a certain amount of their femininity. In truth women who are in touch with their feminine side make the best mistresses. These are the women who men want to follow and be with. What I now realize is that loving female authority is not a new concept. Most probably your father and grandfather had it, but didn't know what to call it.

Those of you who read the I'm Hers blog may have seen my recent comment related to Becky's Christmas gift. Yes, I gave her the old whip from my uncle's born that had been in our bedroom for a bunch of years. I doubt she will ever need to use it, but David understands it is there.
He understands that it is a treasured symbol of both authority and love.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

My Thoughts

There are a lot of silly thoughts going through my head, but not enough to do a posting. With Christmas coming up my thoughts turn to you. Many of you will be surprised to learn that I now spend more time with emails than with the blog. Over the past year or so many of you have shared the most incredible stories with me. Some of them have been happy, some of them have been on the sad side. One gentlemen wrote to me to say that his wife and mistress of many years had been terrible sick and would not live through the year. His story reminded me that life is short and we need to live it in such a way as to make it worthwhile for us and our family.

My husband, the love of my life, is now fully retired from the world of making a living. John now spends most of his time playing golf, reading, and serving me. He has more or less been my house slave for a number of years, but now has more time to devote to his home duties. I am also looking to give him worthwhile experiences away from the home. This is more difficult than one would imagine. This morning he is cleaning the house making it ready for Christmas and our guest. Becky, her husband, and three children will be staying with us for a couple of days. The prospect of having two women in the house giving him orders will give John something to look forward to.

The I'm Hers blog talked about the difference between a so called hen pecked marriage and a true femdom marriage. I made a comment, and hope everyone has had the opportunity of reading it.
While there are a number of differences the primary determination is a wife's willingness to punish and the husbands willingness to accept her punishments. A good marriage is something special. It is up to both the husband and the wife to do what they can to make a marriage a success. For me working at our marriage means becoming my husband's mistress, and making sure that he understands his proper place as a slave husband-my slave husband.

While I am not a naturally dominant person, the femdom lifestyle has grown on me over the years.
It is not just about having a man at my beck and call as much as it is about the intimacy. Learning to punish was a challenge. While my husband is not punished often he is punished. To some degree punishment is important to our relationship. A willingness to punish causes a man to fear his wife and fear leads to respect. Punishment, as long as it is within reason will bring a couple together.
This I believe was the biggest surprise for Becky. That day on the mountain when she ended David's ski day early changed a great deal for them. On that day David truly understood that she was in control-in control of him. This, of course, is what the submissive man wants as well as needs in order to be happy.

On the I'm Hers blog I spoke about the whip that hangs on the wall of our bedroom. This came from my uncle's born. After he passed away we went through the born before the property was sold.
As I held the whip in my hand, I couldn't help wonder if his wife had ever used it on him. Several years ago John and I made a visit to Russia. Going through a rural life type of museum they told us the story of the Knout. In the old time Russian religion a newly married man was given a small whip known as the Knout. As I recall it was given to him by the bride's father. With it came a story.

As I recall the bride's father would say something like you will probably not need this, but if you do be sure to use it. In those days the husband was considered head of the house and as such had authority under the law and under God to punish his wife when he felt it was necessary. In femdom marriages the wife now has a type of authority to punish her guy when she feels it is necessary.
While so much of this story may sound cruel, punishment when properly administered will bring a couple closer together. Not only does the wife have the moral authority to punish a husband she has a duty to do so when in her judgment it is necessary.

While I have punished my husband over the years, I have never used the old whip on him. John, however, understands that it is my right and my duty to do so when and if I feel it is necessary.
What exactly my daughter does in the privacy of her home I am sure, but she does use the bristle side of the hair brush. On a physical basis she is more of a disciplinarian than I am. But then I have been blessed with a truly wonderful man who respects me as his mistress and loves me like a wife.
These sweet men are treasurers. These men are the keepers. These are the men who make being a mistress a special joy.

Femdom is not for everyone, but it is for a lot more people than most of us would suspect. Truly, the world would be a better place if more men openly surrendered themselves to the authority of a woman willingly living under her control. The very strange part is that men more than women ae the ones who want this. Men more than women appreciate the value of female authority in society.
Why so many women seem to reject the idea of femdom I am not sure. Perhaps it is the responsibility that comes with being head of house and mistress to a man. Or perhaps it is simply not the way they were raised. In our little portion of the world John is so very proud of our daughter.

 I love and care for all of you who read this blog andare are trying to make the journey. Femdom is not about sex as much as it is about love and caring. Live each day in a manner that honors the lady who owns you. Respect the authority she has over you, and thank God for the love. Never miss of day of thanking her for being who she is. And, always say those special words that we never grow tired of hearing. Yes, I want each of you to email me and tell me what those special words are.


Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Lemon Drop Martini-Reposting

Both John and I had a lovely Thanksgiving.  The turkey, the ham and all the fixings were wonderful. Most of all what I enjoyed was the time with family. We spent three days with Becky and three days with our son. Grandchildren and dogs have a way of livening up a family gathering. Here is a reporting of a reposting of my very favorite post with the comments. Sometimes I wonder about how many of you who wrote those comments a year or two ago continue to read the blog.
It would be fun to hear from you. It would be fun to hear how your lives, your relationships, and your marriages have progressed. Also, if you have any funny Thanksgiving stories please share them.

Love, Kathy

There have been a couple of requests to repost the Lemon Drop Martini. It is a short post, but in many ways it is one of my favorites. For one thing it illustrates the sweetness and kindness of my husband. It also showcases the submissive man's desire to both serve and please. Why, I ask myself would any woman reject this type of a man as a husband. So anyway here is the original with an introduction which was written a year or so ago. One lesson that many of you need to learn is that when your mistress ask you to perform a chore you simply do it and do it with a smile. You may be asked to serve or to wash windows. The only reply that usually needs to be made is 'yes mistress'.
How many of you truly get that?

Love Kathy

Here is a reposting of one of my very favorites.

My husband is a true submissive. On this fall day one year ago he had the pleasure of serving the three of us. Men like John are so cute when they are made to blush, and it does happen from time to time. What, however, was so special for John was the chance to serve the neighbor's daughter. She was barely twenty years old, if that. John had known her as a child. Yet in spite of the age difference,
in spite of knowing her form a young age, John was still most submissive toward her. He was every bit as attentive to her as he was to our neighbor.

When I questioned John about how it felt to serve this young lady he replied that it felt very natural.
If not for my studio experience I would have been somewhat shocked to see an older man serving a young girl. Yet, in the studio it was the same way. It was mainly middle age men, or older, on their knees in front of twenty something year old women.

It is easier to serve older women or younger women, or does it matter?


Where John and I live the air has recently turned to fall. The air is cool and humidity is low. Taking advantage of the beautiful outdoors I invited a neighbor to join me in the garden. As we set down I offered her a soft drink. John had been in the back yard working in the garden. After a few minutes of 'girl talk' my neighbor complemented me on what  a good job my husband was doing. And yes, we agreed, that working with the hand clippers was excellent exercise for men.

For some strange reason the conversation turned to favorite drinks. The neighbor had been to a party the night before where the host served the ladies Lemon Drop Martinis. 'John', I responded 'makes an excellent Lemon Drop Martini'. It is one of his special drinks. All of a sudden the soft drinks we were holding tasted dull. 'How about a Lemon Drop Martini' I asked 'John would love to make one'. 'No, he is busy' came the response'

Instead of accepting her negative response, I called 'sweetie, over here'. John immediately answered his summons. I let him stand in front of us for a moment or two while we talked more about cocktails. 'We decided that we would each love to have one of your Lemon Drop Martinis. Do we have everything to make one?' I asked. John replied 'yes', and I gave him the nod. Fifteen minutes later John reported back carrying a tray with two lovely Lemon Drop Martinis. My girl friend smiled and thanked John for his effort.

'Anything else' John asked. 'No, sweetie', I resounded. 'You may go back to your work'. It was just then that the neighbors daughter walked into the yard. 'Those look good' she cooed. I  looked at John. He knew what to do. A shot time later John emerged from the kitchen with a third lemon drop martini. 'Umm,' she responded, to John's delight. The daughter is young and pretty. I knew John would love serving her.

I then told John to bring out some cheese and crackers. My neighbor replied that I was going to have my husband serving all afternoon. 'Yes, I replied' that is what men are for. We toasted and enjoyed  the cool air as John blushed. And yes, I love to watch a man blush. There is a certain tenderness to a man when he shows his softer side.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, November 20, 2016


Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It is a time for family and friends, but without all of the hype that seems to come with Christmas. John and I are leaving Monday morning for a visit with both of our children. We are going first to our daughter's home and then to our son's home. With work schedules and children it is both difficult and expensive for them to travel. As such  we are going to them.

Love you all for reading, and even more for the great discussion. Going back to the recent discussion John will ask what I think of the various candidates. Submissive men generally want a mistress who instructs them on which way to vote. For the truly submissive man there is nothing sweeter than being under the total of control of a mistress. This includes voting as well as religion as well as where to go on vacation and which restaurants o frequent. In some femdom homes it is not unusual for a wife to dictate which male friends her husband is allowed to associate with. The rule of thumb is to know what your guy is doing, and whom he is doing it with.

The rules applied in femdom marriages may seem draconian to many of you, but once in a femdom living arrangement they make sense. Femdom feels very different on the inside than on the out side. It is about a highly structured life with rules that are enforced by the wife. Why does it work? It works because some men naturally need female authority and guidance in most aspects so their life. If you can't understand this it is probably because you are not really submissive. My guy is submissive as are a decently sizeable percentage of the male population.

Most of the men who write to me are crying for more control from their wives. These men want female rule in their homes, and some want it in the workplace. The remarkable thing for me is the shift that I have seen over the few years of doing this blog. A few years back there were only want-a-bees commenting and emailing to me.  What a change over the last five years! Men are finding the courage to admit who they are and what they need. And, yes, some women are learing that living with submissive men is in a way very nice. It is not so much  about having a guy to cook, clean, and serve as it is about the emotional intimacy.

There is a special connection, a more spiritual connection between couple who practice femdom marriage. For what ever reason it brings out the best side of men-the sweet and caring side that many guys have but often fail to show. Love you for reading. Love you for sharing. Thanksgiving provides men with many opportunities to be a special hero to their wives. Hope to have many stories about how you made this holiday special for your wives.