Thursday, July 21, 2016

Memories and Other Things

I have started this post several times. At the moment there are no good 'blog ideas' floating' around in my head. With several weeks off from work there is the time, there is the energy, but nothing to really talk about. I must confess that the attacks in Nice had a profound effect on me. It was not that long ago John and I enjoyed walking on the very street where the attack occurred. We remember the beautiful people, the children playing happily in the splash fountains close to the boulevard. We had cocktails at the Hotel Negresco across from the sea. I remember the cute young waiter with the sweet smile who brought us drinks, and told us all about the art work in the hotel. I couldn't help but wonder if he was one of the victims.

It is times like this that I think of my own family. I think back to college. I think back to the first time John and I kissed. Yes, he finally kissed me, but it took him so long to find the courage. I was really getting tired of giving him signals, but he finally made the move.  After a quick little peck he wanted to break away. I remember gently putting my fingers under his chin to guide and reassure him that the kiss could last a little longer. Gosh, I loved that kiss. The first kiss with a new guy was always special, but with John it was especially nice. He was so sweet and gentle. From that moment on I thought how easy it would be to love a man like that.

There seems to be a lot talk about the differences between female led marriages and femdom marriages. Most women feel comfortable with leading a man. The cute thing is that most women do not want to admit that they are in truth leading the relationship. I made a short comment on the I'm Hers blog. A part of the response was that some men want to be owned. Yes, of course, it then struck me what the difference was between a so called FLM and a true femdom marriage. In a femdom marriage a husband more or less becomes the property of his mistress wife. His obedience is complete as humanly possible, and in many ways thinks of him self as her slave. The other aspect is that men in femdom relationships want the lady in their life to think of them as slaves. They love it when she refers to him as her slave or servant and otherwise talks to them like he is a subservient being of some type.

In our own family I love to listen when Becky talks with her husband. For a young wife she is very direct with him. 'I want you to do such and such' she will tell him. 'Yes ma'am' he generally responds. As a submissive type of personality I suspect he likes it when a woman tells him what to do in a direct and firm fashion. I know that he likes to thinks of him self as her servant or help mate. With John and I Becky has no hesitation of showing how well she controls him. With his family she is much more circumspect. She does not want to embarrass either him or her by coming out as a mistress wife.

Aside from being embarrassed women feel guilty about becoming mistress wives. Since the last couple of posting I have had two emails from women dealing with the subject. 'I get to go out with friends while my husband stays home with the children' she told me. She told me that she loves her husband and children, but there are times when she misses the freedom of being a single girl.
One or twice a month she goes out with the single people from her work place. On those evening she loves dancing with and flirting with men. Yes, like me she is a terrible flirt. On occasion she has even kissed a guy good night she told me. The self imposed rule is that she doesn't go home with anyone.
She takes a taxi or Huber home. Her husband, she tells me, waits for her on his knees. She then allows him to take her shoes off, and kiss her feet as they talk about her adventures of the evening.

What I have learned is that the mind of the submissive man is so complex that it almost defies understanding. Who would think that a husband would stay home with the children while his wife goes out dancing. Yet, this young wife tells me that the conversation on these evenings is sufficient to get her husband all excited. And yes, she mentioned that her husband always has cleaning chores to perform after the children are in bed. She tells him to be a  good little slave boy while she is out.
Yes, I though this woman undoubtedly understands how to talk dirty with a submissive guy.

Yes, and then there are times when wives say the things that accidently strike a sweet note with their guy. 'My little guy knows his place' Becky uttered when we were last having dinner together. The cute blush on David's face was worth a thousand pictures. I love to watch men blush. For some reason men thing of it as unmanly to be caught blushing.

It is such a shame that so many women reject femdom out of hand. It is too kinky, they say. And yes, there are aspects of femdom that are kinky if integrated into a relationship. Yet, sometimes I wonder what is wrong with a little kink. Is it kinky for a man to wait for his wife on his knees. It is a little more kinky for him to remove her shoes and kiss her feet. It is even more kinky for her to have him lick the souls of her shoes clean with his tongue. As a mistress working in the studio I learned to have men do all of these things. I grew very comfortable with seeing men on their knees. In the end I was very comfortable with having men worship my feet as if I was their special goddess. Some of these practices were later brought into my marriage.

What I grew to learn is that some men like my sweet guy and like many of the bloggers  are the happiest when kneeling before a strong, confident woman. Yes, as I told my daughter there are aspects of these relationships that can become kinky if you want them. And no the nuns that taught me in grammar school would not approve, but then what is the harm of having some kink in a relationship. A husband will always remember with pleasure the first time his wife allowed him to kiss her feet. He will not remember the first neck tie or belt she gave him. A gift of a woman's dominance is a gift of love. What I suspect is that the young man driving the tuck in Nice had never been under control of a woman. If he had things may have been different.

For women who are reading this posting, I have a special request. If you are alone with your guy call him to your presence. Have him remove your shoes, and ask him if he would like to kiss your feet.
As he kisses your feet tell him where to place his tongue. Tell him that just for a few minutes you want him to be your foot slave, and watch his face light up. Of course your grammar school teacher would not approve, but then what is the harm. If there was a little more kink in the world it might be a better place. This comment is addressed to the women. Very few of the men who read this blog would ever have the courage to ask permission to kiss the feet of their wives no matter how much they might want to. Men are too shy.

Love and kisses to all of you.


Sunday, July 10, 2016

Back Home

John and I are back from our travels. We are both tired, but it feels good to be home.

Much of what we missed while away are the little things in life. The little things that you take for granted at home. For me it was the talks with Becky, John's sister and my friends. Talks about nothing. I missed being able to just reach for my phone and call them.  For John it was more about his routines. As strange as it may sound to many people John enjoys cleaning house. He finds the routine comforting. While away John missed bringing me coffee in the morning. He missed performing all of the routine services he does for me. Our travel companions were not aware of our lifestyle. As such, he was not allowed to address me as mistress when we were all together. I still had John's sweet smile, but missed the little curtsey that usually goes with it. In daily life routines are often taken for granted, but they are part of the fabric of our lives. Yet, travel is good. It makes us away of the good things in our lives. It also awakens us to new ideas and ways of life that are just a little different.

Coming back home I appreciated all of the comments that were made in my absence. Many of you were surprised and delighted to hear from my daughter. She is part of the new generation of mistress wives. Between a career, three children and a husband she is constantly busy. She doesn't have much time to sit and relax in front of a computer. Mistress wives do not sit in front of the television all day  while their husbands work themselves to death. What Becky and I have in common is that we treasure our husbands, and we expect their active obedience. Active obedience means different things to various people. For me active obedience means a husband who is attentive, who listens, and does as told without back talking. As simple as this sounds most husbands fail in that category.

While away I also missed all of you. 'How are my babies doing', I wondered out loud to John.
The blog has become part of the fabric of my life. John mentioned that with the last several posting and with all of the related comments there has been a great deal of material for any reader to assimilate.Yes, in recent weeks the comments have reached a new higher stage of sophistication. So many of you have opened your selves up on this blog in recent weeks. You  have shared so much of your life with us. So many of you are crying that it sometimes hurts. Yet, I can continue to read of success stories. There have been  many emails from women asking for advice. What should I do they ask. I can't really tell them, but these young women are out there trying to become leaders in their homes. They are trying to accept femdom in some fashion that has meaning for them and their men. And yes, a few of these women are picking up the whip. And, a few of them are purchasing locking devices. What is missing for most of them are friends in the lifestyle.

As strange as it may sound many women feel guilty about femdom. I have so much freedom to come and go, spend money while he stays at home cleaning house they tell me. In the beginning Becky felt this way. The only thing I can tell them is to enjoy your freedom, enjoy being a woman, and enjoy a way of life that your mother could never have imagined. In modern marriages with submissive men there are new rules. It is now the men who must ask for money or for permission to come and go.
The men want you to celebrate your freedom as mistress wives who rule them. And yes, while these submissive men want your love they also need to be ruled by you.

Love you all for reading and for contributing so much to this blog. All of you who read this blog are special to me. You light of my life in so many little way that you can not imagine. Be good to your selves and be good to the lady who loves you.


Sunday, July 3, 2016


Mom and dad will return from Italy this week.

While away it has been my responsibility to manage the blog.

Compared to mom I am very new to all of this. There is one thought that I would like to share.
It is about punishment. In my mind punishment was something that would create resentment. The biggest surprise along this journey was David thanking me for punishing him. It blew my mind that he actually wanted to be punished, that he needed it. Instead of causing resentment, instead of separating us, punishment has brought us closer together.

As mom says love to all of you.


Saturday, June 11, 2016

Lessons Learned.....

Thank all of you for sharing. Between the last couple of posting and all of the excellent comments there is a lot to think about. I will be away from the computer and the blog for a few weeks. John and I are off to a great adventure in traveling.

What I also wanted to mention is that femdom is not a lifestyle that requires more time in a busy life. Yes, the game part requires some commitment to time, but for the most part femdom becomes woven into the fabric of our lives. I can see this so plainly with Becky. Her husband has a little bit of a weight problem. He also has a problem with dieting. She now controls what he eats and how much of it. At a restaurant she will generally inquire as to what he would like to order. She, however, must approve of it. She will also do most of the ordering for him. If the portion is too large she will insist on a take out bag. None of this requires any of her time.

Last year we had car trouble on a visit to her home. When my cell phone rang with the news that the repairs had been made, I asked Becky if David could drive us to the dealership. She simply called him in, instructed him to drive us, use her car, and then fill it up with gas on the return. She also instructed David to stop by the local market for milk. Non of this was very exotic. Most of all femdom simply involves the every day activities of our lives. It is just that the wife who is also the mistress is directing things. The interesting part of this little story is that I never even though of asking David directly. Even if I had asked David he would have needed Becky's permission to drive me.  The decision, I knew, would be made by Becky. She is David's mistress as well as head of house.  And David, like most submissive men likes it that way.

If the type of lifestyle that Becky and her husband have appeals to you it probably means you are submissive. Be good to yourselves. Love and care for the lady in your life, and she will be good to you. And a special thank you to all those who were kind enough to write poems for me. I love them all, and yes I read them again and again.

Kisses, Mistress

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Lessons Learned....

Judging from the comments the blog has given all of us much to think about over the last days.
Each of us is different in many ways, yet most of us have certain common characteristics.
We all want to be loved, we want to be appreciated for whom we are. It is also difficult for women to appreciate that the man they fell in love with, the man they married, the man they thought they knew; in reality is somehow different. Yes, I continue to believe that the truly submissive man is a sweetheart. In the long term submissive men make the best husbands and the best fathers.

The problem for wives is adjustment to what possibly is a new way of life. While it seems strange submissive men can also be demanding. They also have these alpha moments when they act out.
Don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about because I have seen it too many times.
The wife tries her hand at accommodating the husband's submissive side, but doesn't do it just right and the husband rebels. In an alpha moment it is the husband demanding things. My feeling is that this is due to a lack of discipline, and a lack of respect for true female authority. Most men can sense a lack of confidence on the part of their wife. In return, many wives wonder if they can become the perfect mistress wife that the husband wants them to become.

In a general way I don't have any simple answers. What I do see, however, that you are not alone.
If I had advice for women it would be to tell your husband that you love him. Tell him that you will try to become his mistress, but that he must do his part. There is nothing wrong with starting off with little femdom games. If you both enjoy them take it to the next level. Give him assignments. Give him little jobs to do around the house, take a moment to inspect his work. We all need help in this area. If it works give him some personal chores to do. Have him wash and fold the laundry. Have him clean your shoes. Whatever little job you need done. Always inspect his work. And yes, if it is only the two of you in the home, have him naked.

Make it a habit to tell your husband how to dress. If he needs new clothes take him to the store.
Treat him like a child. Pick out the clothes you want him to try on. Have him hold your purse while you search the racks. If you have the courage take him in hand to a woman's plus size store for panties. Even if you are embarrassed try not to show it. Make sure the sales persons understands that the panties are for him. Once again, this sounds silly, but wearing feminine things can have an amazing effect on a man. It is not so much as how these things feel on him, but how he feels in them.
These things can bring out a man's softer submissive side. And yes, I love to do things that make a strong man blush. John is so cute when he blushes. Most men are.

One of my friends recommended having a cute little pet name for your husband. A silly little name that only you use for him. Something sweet. She calls it a slave name, and it is a way of letting him know that he is your property. And yes, while only you should call him by that name, never hesitate to use it in front of sales people or waiters in restaurants. When we go out to eat my daughter will order for her husband. Before the waiter comes she will ask him what he wants, but he knows she must approve it. And sometimes she will order something completely different for him. Her husband is on a diet and she controls what he eats and how much of it.

The things I am talking about may seem silly and they are. Over time, by doing these things, a man begins to realize that much of his daily life is under your control. Introducing a man to femdom or female control should be part of your every day world. Let him know that as your husband you expect his obedience. Let him know that his obedience is important to you. It is important to you because it is important to your marriage.

As many of you may have guessed this posting is primarily for the female readers of the blog.
For you guys there is a short assignment. I want each of you to read the comment by James.
I want you to thank James for sharing so much with us, and I want to hear what you think about what he said. How do you handle those alpha moments. Do you ever talk back to your wife when she gives you instructions.

Love, Kathy

Monday, June 6, 2016

Lessons Learned...

As a young girl growing into adolescence it was my mother who had the talk with me. It was not really just the talk, it was a book and a talk and then another talk and so on.. One of the things she told me is that if I was out with a boy who wanted me to do something I didn't want to do just tell him no. She also told me not be intimidated by boys. Never be afraid to more a boy's hand away from a place you didn't want it to be. There were social pressures. If he was a boy you liked it was sometimes hard to tell him no. There were also the time when a really cute boy unbuttoned my blouse for the first time. What should I tell him I thought. Missing form my mother's advice was what to do when you really wanted that cute boy to touch you in a sweet way.

As Becky made the transition into adolescence it was me who had the talk with her. Of course the world had changed. President Clinton had been in white house. It seemed the entire country was talking about doing things we didn't even know girls did back in my time. The evening news was more explicit than the books my mother gave to me. My conversations with Becky were more direct than the ones with my mother. There will be times I told her that a boy will want to put his hand on breast, will want to undress you, or will want the so called presidential solute. In those times you need to make the decision that is right for you. Never do something that you feel is wrong I told her. Boys have a way of pressuring girls to get what they want. Becky responded by asking me questions. She even told me about being on a date with a boy who aggressively put his hand under her skirt. No, she told him firmly, and then gave him a little kiss just to say she liked him.

When she went away for college I knew she would be entering a brave new world away from my supervision. I even shared with her the advice an older cousin once gave to me. If the guy is going too fast, 'too hot' put your hand in that special place and gently squeeze. By the time you feel the moisture he will have cooled down. These conversations were mother to daughter. As Becky grew older the conversations became not only mother to daughter, but friend to friend. John was not privy to these girl only conversations. These conversations were usually planned for a time when John or our son would not be in the house. Somehow girl talk was always easier than involving the guys.

As our little portion of the world changed to femdom it was no longer necessary to plan for a time when John was not in the house. There was a simple little signal, a slightly raised hand with a movement of the index finger. When this signal was given John understood he was to leave the room, and not return until given permission. It was time, he understood, for girl talk. That intimate time when we talked to one another about the special things in life. On many occasions I used that signal for those special conversations with Becky. By this time I had learned to speak to Becky not only as a daughter and friend, but as one of my special friends who shared the knowledge of our lifestyle.

In high school years I was usually the one who initiated these conversations. As the conversations became more friend to friend Becky would often take the lead. Thank haven for free long distance.
It was not unusual for us to talk for an hour or more about the children, daycare, or anything that was happening in our lives. On visits, her house or mine, we relished the time spent together over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. It was always me who gave John the signal that it was time for him to leave the room. It was a few years ago, no longer sure when that Becky raised her hand, moved her index finger for the first time giving her daddy the signal that his presence was no longer required. Physically giving the signal to her father required only a minimum of effort. Psychologically, mentally it could have moved heaven and earth, and opened the way for more candid conversations involving the way in which our relationship developed. It was Becky's way of saying I'm ready, I'm old enough, now tell me more about how this all happened.

What impressed me the most was the confidence in which Becky looked her father in his eye, gave him a sweet feminine smile and  command all at the same time. The only response that came from John was a 'yes ma'am, please let me know if you need anything' as he rose to leave. It briefly reminded me of the way she handled the boy who dared to put his hand under her skirt.  She understood how to control him with a smile and a perky kiss. They went on several more dates.
From that time on Becky told me he waited for her to make the first move. It may have been at that moment in the living room that I first thought of Becky as a woman instead of a girl. In my opinion she was a woman who deserved to be addressed as ma'am.

Many of you will recall that it was last year when Becky allowed her husband to wear a collar.
Her husband was never ordered to wear a collar. Instead, David had been asking for a collar.
From what I had understood she told him that wearing a collar was privilege that needed to be earnd.
In the early part of last summer she purchased a collar and lock with an inscription on it. The inscription read  simply with all my love. The femdom aspect of their marriage has brought them closer together. Femdom is more about love and caring then it is about whips and bondage.

It was on that Saturday morning described in the French Press posting that David told me how much he enjoyed serving Becky. Getting up a little early to make coffee would be seen as a chore for many men. On that Saturday morning David told me how much he enjoyed doing it. What submissive men enjoy the most is doing the personal chores for their lady. Things like making their coffee, cleaning their shoes, or getting their work clothes ready are special treats for most men. I could tell that these little duties were also special for David. Doing these things, he saw, as acts of respect. On that morning David also told me that Becky was smarter than him, and that she understood things he didn't. He also used the word superior in describing her. While I don't believe she is smarter or superior to David in any way, I do believe submissive men routinely believe that women are somehow inherently superior. You have no idea how many men write to me saying they want to kneel at the feet of a superior woman. Yes, I tell them it is natural for a man to want to kneel at the feet of a  woman, but that doesn't mean she is superior?

Over the last year or so the conversations with Becky have changed. She still comes to me for advice, but more and more I am listening to her. In some ways she has now become my mentor. She is one of the women I reach out to for ideas and thoughts. I tell my self it is because she has a younger more youthful prospective on things, but the truth is that I have learned to respect her judgment. One of things she told me recently was that it was perfectly natural for a wife to be head of a family.
It is not about demoting the husband or humiliating him in anyway. It is more about each person having special skills along with the confidence to lead. Even when they were dating, Becky tells me, David looked to her direction. As some of you know they now have three children. David, she tells me responds to her authority better than the children. Of course, he has been trained and as a submissive obedience comes naturally to him. If a man is naturally submissive, she told me, trying to force him into some type of dominant role will only make him unhappy. Some of things she said to me were my ideas, but she articulates them so much better. What is so special about Becky is not only does she have the strength to be a mistress for her husband, she does it with so much grace and beauty.

Hope you all enjoyed this posting, and that it may help some of you in your personal relationships.
Too many men concentrate on making a lot of money thinking it will make them happy. From my experiences some of the happiest and most contended men are those who have learned to serve the lady in their life. What do you think? Is there a brave new world coming where men will be more open to sharing of their needs, articulating their feelings. Once again fedmom is not about working a man half to death. As Becky likes to tell me we are not delicate flowers who can only sit, look pretty, while men work.  We are not afraid of housework, childcare and making a living in the competitive world, but we expect a man to do his fair share.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Lessons Learned..

John and I had a busy weekend. We took a couple of days off from work to make a beach trip with his sister and her husband. In a way it was like old times, but neither of us have small children. Instead of hours playing ball on the beach, it was a quick walk, a couple of tropical drinks followed by early dinners at nice restaurants. There was even one afternoon of shopping while the guys played golf. We had a good time, but the trip brought back memoires of when the children were small. In a way it made me feel a little sad.

This afternoon I would like to talk about a subject that is very sensitive to me. When John was first allowed back in the home the rule was no talking about his experiences with Tara and her girls.
Over the years as the hurt faded into something of a distant memory I waned to know more. Slowly, I encouraged John to tell me more. In the beginning it was hard for him to talk. He talked about the work he did in the studio; cleaning toilets, moping floors, polishing silverware, etc. What I wanted to know about were the feelings. Over a period of several months John opened up more and more about Tara and the relationships he had formed.

In the very beginning John went to Tara's studio as a client. While he enjoyed the experience his reaction was the same as many of the men who visit a professional. He wanted more. He wanted the experience to become more real. He did not like the idea of spending a couple of hours with a mistress, and then going back to the so called vanilla world. Sensing this Tara offered him an opportunity to become one of her house boys. There were several. Accepting this position required him to make a commitment in terms of time as well as money. From what he tells me there was some flexibility, but in the ordinary course of things he was expected to spend a certain number of days per month working for her. On many of these over nights John pretended to be on business trips.

As a houseboy John was expected to perform whatever task Tara required of him. A basic responsibility was cleaning the toilets, moping the floor, doing window, mowing the grass, and even weeding the garden. It was real work, not pretend work. John confessed that if a toilet was not properly cleaned, Tara had no hesitancy about having the house boy put his face into it. Why did you do all of this for her, I asked. The answer was always that he had a need to serve. What do you mean, I would ask. Sometimes there would simply be a blank look on his face, but the answer gradually came out. He felt a true- genuine need- to be at the beck and call of a dominant woman who owned him.  So many of you who read this blog have told me the same thing. You want more than a play session, you want to be owned by a woman who has the self confidence to rule you. Am I correct in this?

At some point the follow up question was put to John. You never wanted to do those nasty jobs at home, I quizzed. The answer was always something like Mistress Tara ordered me to do them, and she held me accountable. Over time the realization came to me that as a wife I was not sufficiently demanding. John may have loved me, but Tara was his mistress. In his mind Tara was the woman who owned him, whom he wanted to serve. What I came to realize that being a man's mistress was distinct from being his wife. If I wanted John to be truly mine one hundred percent it was necessary to become his mistress as well as his wife. The prospect of becoming his mistress in real life was a little scary. Being a mistress in a studio is one thing. At the end of the day the professional mistress can put down the whip to become the soccer mom for her children. The real life mistress has the responsibility twenty four hours a day.

The other question that I put to John was did he love Tara. No, not in the same way he loved me, but over time he had developed feelings for her. He wanted to please her, he wanted to be owned by her. He felt pain when she was disappointed in his work. He would work all day for the opportunity of spending a few minutes worshipping her feet, or taking his dinner from the scraps left on her plate. John confessed to me that the time spent on his knees in front of her made him feel more alive than he had felt in years.

It was not until the last few years that John found the courage to tell me about the mistress who took him home as her personal slave. She and her room mate were both college girls. One was in law school at the time. With work and school both of these young women had intensely busy schedules.
For them having a personal male slave to keep the apartment clean, run errands, chauffer, was almost a necessity in their lives. My husband became their slave. Both of these women were black. They told him that white boys made better slaves then did black guys. The white ones they told John was more docile and obedient. After some time John confessed that having a black mistress was a special turn on. In some ways I wondered if it was ever possible to compete with that. My experience in the studio was that men loved to have a mistress of a different race. I am not sure why.

After some time I found the courage to ask John the same question he was asked about Tara. Did you love her, I asked. Because of our relationship, the intimacy, I knew that John could not lie to me. However, his silence spoke volumes about the relationship. I decided not to press for an answer.
Someone suggested to me that the purpose of Femdom 101 is to punish John. Someone else has suggested that the purpose of this blog is to give me final closure on what was a difficult time in my life. The greatest gift ever given to me has been my husband and my children. By becoming my husband's mistress I have found a special type of joy. We live, we learn, we grow. In the end I kept the man I fell in love with so many years ago.

Love and Kisses to all of you who read this blog. Sometimes I want to take each of you in my arms and say that it will be alright.