Of course this blog is all about fem/dom relationships, and how women are taking more control of their lives and of their men. There was a commercial on television this evening that made me think that the trend toward fem/dom type relationships is moving faster than many of us thought possible.
The commercial was for a popular insurance company. The commercial involves a perky young lady and a middle age couple. The commercial displays the couple talking to the lady about automobile insurance. What is different is that the man is holding a purse, and the wife has her hands and arms completely free. When they are finished talking, the young lady says something to the effect that you won't have to carry the purse any more. The comments than make it obvious that the wife has given the purse, or European carry bag, to her husband. It was one of those beautiful fem/dom moments that make the male want to hide under his wife's skirts. It surprised me that this type of commercial made the main stream media.
I feel badly for 'dense' husband. He had the start of what I thought was going to be a very good blog. He seams like a very nice, sensitive person, but it appears that the attention scared him off. That is a shame. It was not what I intended to do by mentioning his blog. If he does read this posting, I would like him to email me. It was one of those blog postings that really made you sit back and think about relationships. Sometimes you forget how hard it is for a male to make the statement to the world that yes, he is a submissive man, for the very first time.
I read the blogs. What I see is that there are a great many married couples who treat FLM or fem/dom type marriages as a game. They even schedule play time. For John and I fem/dom is a way of life. It doesn't mean I am bossing John around 24 houses a day, but it does mean that I am always the boss. It also means that John has respect for the authority I have over him.
It means that in our daily life John gives me complete obedience. If he is told to cut the grass today instead of tomorrow he does it, he doesn't ask why. He doesn't need to know. He only needs to know that his mistress wife has given him an order. Some people might say that my view of the world is jaded, but to me the world would be a better place if more men had this type of relationship with their wives. What I believe is that it is perfectly natural for a women to be head of house, and for her spouse to acknowledge that fact. Fem/dom is a relationship that is conducive to good family values, and is an excellent role model for children.
The first time a man kneels in front of his wife it tends to change the nature of the relationship. The day John came home he knelt at my feet. It was not a game. He got down on two knees because he was told to do so, and he knew it was the correct thing to do. It was not fem/dom play, it was a very serious moment for both of us. Yes, for women, if you want to have a serious conversation with you guy, have him kneel at your feet. Make sure he is on both knees. Require him to kneel straight up like a man, and not allow him to slouch back.
One of my favorite blogs is Being Her Knight . The posting entitled 'Beg Me to Keep You Collared' struck a nerve. I made a long comment. Disciplining a man may be part of a FLM, and certainly there are often good reasons to punish a man. Never the less, I think we, as women, want to see a man suffer something for the privilege of belonging to us. It might be a whipping, or some form of humiliation, ow what ever, but we want to see them pay some type of a price.
When John came back into the house, the kennel was waiting for him. There were practical reasons for this. While I wanted John back into the house, I was not quite ready to allow him back into my bed. Also, the kennel served as a not so gentle reminder of who was in control.
However, on another level, I wanted to punish John for the trauma he made me suffer by means of his infidelity. For the first few days John slept in the kennel, I thought to my self he deserves that, and smiled as I left the room he was kenneled in. Yes, as much as I love John, there are still times when I am the bitch mistress.
Even today, I maintain very tight control over where John goes and what he does. In the evening, John is seldom allowed out out the house unless I am with him. Someone told me there is a new phone that when a certain feature is turned on, it is possible for some else to monitor where the user is. If this is true, I want one for John.
Men in a serious relationship should be controlled. It is not only good for the lady that owns them, it is good for the man. A man that is left to his own devices will soon find trouble. That is one reason why it is important for men in a committed relationship to be collared. It I had my way John's collar would have a little device in it that would allow me to track his where abouts twenty four hours a day. On some level I believe that submissive men want to be controlled and monitored in this fashion. It gives them a way of proving themselves worthy to their women as well as a sense of being owned.
A young lady who is a friend of Liz told me she was so embarrassed when her husband curtsied to her in a public place. On the advice of Liz she had trained him to curtsy, but felt awkward when her husband actually bent his knee in front of some other people. To her I say get over it.
There is nothing wrong with a man giving a lady a polite curtsy in front of who ever may see it.
If we are living in an age when a man can take his wife's name in marriage, and take the vow of obedience, there is nothing wrong with a man bending his knee in public. If nothing else it sets a good example of treating women with respect.
The blogs on the Internet talk about the excitement of submission. What happens when the excitement is over. John is no longer excited by the prospect of spending Saturday cleaning house. Never the less he still does it. Another friend has her husband take her mother to the doctor. This happens two or three times a month. Each time they spend an hour or more in the waiting room. There is no excitement, but he sill does as told. Sure, at some time in the past John was excited to drop to the floor at the snap of my fingers. He still drops when I snap my fingers, but I suspect that most of the excitement is gone.
Yes, while most of the excitement that comes with male submission is gone, John is still a slave husband that takes his marching orders from his wife. This is where real discipline is important, and a man's fear of real punishment makes him think twice before disobeying a wifely order.
If I had one piece of advice for any women who enters into a FLM it would be to let your husband know it will be for real, and that there is no turning back. Also, have the money and property in your name. If he is not willing to give you all he has, his commitment is less than 100%. Yes, when you can throw him out of the house, it adds an important sense of reality to the fem/dom relationship. Men tend to respect people who control money.
For those of you who have read the story of Karen, she and Mandy are no longer room mates. They had a fight over Karen's boy friend. It happened in the beginning of the semester. Mandy put on a little weight over the summer. It was a Sunday morning she was trying her clothes on, piece by piece, to see what fit and what didn't. She had the
boy friend helping her. Karen walked into the apartment from church to see Mandy in her bra and panties standing in front of her guy. According to Karen, his little soldier was at full attention. This led to some words, and Mandy choose to find another apartment for senior year. Karen told me she had purchased a whip during the summer, mainly for fun, but then decided to really use it. She told me it was the first time she ever used the whip in anger. It was also the first time she saw a man cry.
Karen tells me that when she was finished with the whip, and her guy was still crying, he crawled to her feet and started kissing her shoes. This made her angry. She gave her guy a kick, and told him to crawl to the corner, stay ther until told otherwise. Karen told me that was the very first time she ever felt like a real mistress. I asked her why she though the experience had that effect on her. She answered because the experience was real, it was not one of the stupid dominance and submission games her guy likes to play. I then asked if she liked the feeling of power over a man. She answered 'yes'.
On the Being Her Knight blog, I retold the story about requiring John to wear a hair ribbon on our visit to New Your. A part of this was punishment. Another part of the experience was about having John suffer for me. As we walked into the restaurant all eyes were on the gentlemen with the big yellow ribbon in his hair. You could hear the laughter. This was a type of humiliation that John did not care for. He could feel the sting of the intense humiliation as the hostess walked us to the table. The comment was made that I should have been embarrassed just to have been with him. Well, may be so, but I wasn't.
Before walking into the restaurant John requested permission to remove the ribbon. I told him, 'No'. It was part of his punishment for talking back to me. Also, I reminded John that he wanted to be my slave, this was a good chance to prove it. I reminded him that slaves do as told when they are told, and don't talk back to their owners. With that strong lecture John bowed his head and answered 'yes mistress'. It was a long time after that experience before John had the bad sense to talk back to me again. What I tell Karen is that if you decide to punish your guy, make sure it is a real punishment, and not some type of pretend punishment that is really run for him.
Karen told me that the whipping incident with her boyfriend tended to improve his overall behavior. When she gives him an order, he is quick to obey. There is less talking back. She told him that hence forward the whip would be part of their life, and to get use to it or leave. She told him she was tired of playing D/s games with him. Karen's guy learned a lesson that day, but so did Karen. Real obedience, the kind that John gives to me requires discipline. It does not come over night.
I asked Karen what was it about her guy kissing her feet that made her so angry. She responded that being allowed to kiss her feet was a reward. Her guy was going through a punishment session, and took a liberty that he was not allowed without permission.
On a more recent update on Karen, she has read the posting about the young lady who is requiring her husband to change 'his' last name to 'hers'. She is now thinking of having her man do this. I asked her how would the families react to this. She wasn't sure, but suspected that her family now knows of the nature of her relationship. After Mandy moved out, there was room for Karen's younger sister to visit. It was only a week or two after the whipping, and Karen didn't hide the nature of their relationship from her sister.
In a fem/dom marriage a man always needs to be collared and leashed. There are times when it is desirable to let the leash out a little. From time to time a man needs a sense of freedom. A man like John will never again have true freedom. However, from time to time it is good to let him have the limits of the full leash thus giving him the illusion of freedom. For a man like John this would be something like letting him play golf with his buddies on a Saturday afternoon.
If he handles it well give him a little more leash. However, if you have the sense that he is sniffing where he shouldn't be, immediately pull the leash in and give him a swat on his rear end.
With some men, like John, who are well trained; you don't usually need to pull the leash in. Just a slight tug to tighten, and a male will respond according to his training.
While many of you may think treating a man like a trained puppy may seem cruel, the truth is that many men seek this type of control by a strong, self assured female. The why of it I don't understand. Never the less many men need that strong sense of female control to be happy.
The sad part is that the women these men love have absolutely no understanding of this need.
Becoming a mistress is not about becoming a monster, or wearing leather clothing. It is not about playing games in the bed room. Becoming a mistress is about understanding your man's needs, and about earning the respect you deserve as a women.
Love, Karen