Friday, January 18, 2019

Dancing Backwards.

This morning I was up early.  For some reason I just couldn't sleep. With nothing on the agenda it was a good time for me to review emails. There was one there from Thomas Lavelle that had been lurking in my inbox for several days. Although I have not yet read book two or three of his series, I have read a number of his writings. He is one of my favorite authors. Not so much for what he says, but for the way he makes me feel. More than many other authors Thomas seems to understand the dynamics of femdom relationships. Dancing Backwards, book three, is a work of fiction. Yet,  John tells me that the book contains what he calls a lot of truisms. Yes, he tells me that while the book exaggerates it does carry a kind of message that resonates with him.

As a very submissive man John tells me he can identify with the primary male character by the name of Chris. In the book Chris is Kelly's slave.  In much of the same way John thinks of himself as my slave, and indeed that is a reasonable description of our relationship. As I write this posting john is busying himself with laundry and house hold duties that have been assigned to him. And, he is well aware that I as his mistress will do a through inspection of his work. At the end of the day John understands that his only reward for doing a great job of cleaning will be a 'good boy', or maybe the privilege of worshiping my feet. Yet, this is all of the reward that a truly submissive man yeans for. John, like the fictional character in the book takes a very special joy in service to his mistress.

'What did you like about the book', I asked john. 'Well, he said it was a good story'. He went on to tell me that there was a real plot with twist and turns that could be made into a Hollywood movie. Just when you thought the book would be ending the script would change. He went on to say that the primary female character was over the top in a lot of ways, but in many other ways she was real. In which ways I asked. For one thing the book showed that Kelly truly loved her male slave.
She may have abused him in way that a real mistress wife would not have, but it made for fun reading he told me.  In the end  you could feel her love for Chris as well as Chris's absolute devotion to her.  This was an aspect of the book that John really liked. Yes, my baby has his softer side.

One of the questions I asked John was about Kelly. Did she remind him of any real woman he knows. In some ways I expected him to respond that Kelly reminded him of a younger version of me. Instead, he responded that Kelly reminded him of our daughter, Becky. 'Why, how, in what way' I asked with a surprise look. In the book male characters were generally expected to curtsy to the women. He related a story of a few years back to shed some light on what he was thinking. We were visiting Becky's home. We had finished dinner. John told me that he and David were in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes and such. But, they were talking as 'boys' often do when the women are not present. As he put it they were taking their time.  Becky came into the kitchen with a stern look on her face. She told us to quickly finish up as it was time to put the children to bed.  Both David and I responded with a quick curtsy and a 'yes ma'am' John told me. It was apparently one the first times Becky felt confident enough to give John an instruction, and it made the curtsy seem so natural.

How many of you have gotten into the book? Any thoughts?
Love, Kathy

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Dancing Backwards

Yes, I just the other day received an email from Thomas Lavelle.

For those of you who do not remember he was the author of the original novel by the name of
Dancing Backwards. He has now completed a three book series by the same name.

Several months ago we had  very good discussion related to another book. It is my hope that a few of you will read the series and advice me on whether this might be a good book for us to talk about on the blog.

The criteria I use.

Must be about femdom.
It must make you think about the lifestyle.
It must not all be about sex. A little about sex is ok.
Very little about spanking.
It must be interesting and fun to read.

Please let me know.

Love, Kathy

Friday, January 4, 2019

Good Morning All

Those of you who are looking for profound thoughts this morning will be disappointed.

Opening the computer this morning I was very pleased with the comments. For the mot part I agree with them. What was interesting is that the comments more or less touched on evolution.

In the past we have talked about the what is called the new age male. But, what does that mean.
I am not exactly sure, but my suspicion is that he is more loving and more gentle than his grandfather.
He takes pride in pleasing the lady in his life. And, by pleasing we are not necessarily talking about sexual issues as much as doing a good job on the laundry or of cleaning her house, and maybe taking care of her car. He may not only bring her flowers, but hopes that she gives him flowers for a special occasion.

It would please me to know who is reading the blog at this moment. If you are looking at the computer as this is posted take a moment to post or email to If nothing else just to say good morning and tell me what you are doing today. And it you have a moment tell me, would you like your wife to give you flowers? One of my girlfriends sent flowers to her husband at work. He loved them.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Some Thoughts on the First Day Of The New Year

Good morning to all of you.

There are so many good things to talk about that it is bringing me back to the computer. However, in truth the summer of 2018 was my time to detox from everything electronic. A recent comment was related to the fact that I no longer comment on the comments. The reason is that it takes so much time. However, commenting on the comments is a wonderful way to stimulate discussion, and that is what this blog is all about.  For some of you, the early readers, this blog was your introduction to the world of female led relationships.

On the Today show this morning there was an interesting segment dedicated to female leaders. It was on my office television this morning when John brought in my first cup of coffee. How many of those women are also mistresses to their husbands I wondered out loud to my sweetie. Knowing he would like to watch the segment I had him sit on the floor  next to my desk We  had a little discussion as it was going on. I jokingly made the statement that he could have lived with any of those women as his mistress. Yes, it was a joke, but with more than just a little bit of truth to it.

Last night we had a few neighbors over for cocktails and a snacks. Most of the guys wanted to watch the football game, and that was fine. We chatted, we laughed and had a good time. For most of us the little gathering marked the official end of this holiday season. As I prepare this posting John is busy with the clean up work. Like Miss Tina's husband John has developed the skill set to be a very good maid. He blushes when I tell him that in front of Carol. Men are so cute when they blush.

One of the other commenters suggested that I should look at the Think Tank blog this morning as there were some interesting post on it. There were several new post from guest authors, and I enjoyed reading all of them. My one concern was related to one of the post that clearly stated that men should be considered as inferior to women. That concert bothered me  more than just a little as I do not think that is the direction for femdom writers to take. Just because one person is in charge of another person does not make either one  inferior to the other. My Husband is one of the smartest people I have ever met. As an engineer he has built amazing structures, and has a grasp of the world that most political leaders with envy. He is smart, he is creative, and above all he had the good sense to marry me.  Just teasing, but yes may there is some truth in that statement.

In a more pluralistic society where there are many viable choices of lifestyle femdom is gaining traction. Will it ever become socially acceptable in the same way as other alternate lifestyle choices? I am not sure, but my suspicion is that men are starting to talk about femdom with other men.  John's golf partner is a good example. It started last year some time. Some of you may remember the posting. As part of a punishment  I forbid John from playing golf on this one occasion. However, the bigger part of the punishment for him was to tell his friend that he couldn't play because I would not give him permission. It hurt to tell his friend that, I know, and that is why he was made to say it.

Sometimes things work out in  different way. When he next played golf his friend  brought up the subject in a delicate way. While I don't know much aobut the discussion John's golfing friend was asking some interesting questions. And, as John tells me, he admitted to his friend I am in fact his mistress as well as his wife. In some ways Johns tells me that his friend is envious as well as simply interested.

Love you all for reading. Love your selves for who you are and for all of the blessing God has given to you.


Sunday, December 30, 2018

Punishment, A Quick Aside

Before thanking Tina for sharing her situation with me there was one more question for her.

What started off as a Saturday afternoon movie with her husband and friend  turned into something much 'more'. My question was the same as I almost always ask to the readers of the blog. What I most wanted to understand  was how she felt about the experience.

Tina's response came relatively quickly. She was not sure how she felt, but she was not happy.. She was confused and conflicted. The femdom business, she said, began as a game. When her husband first asked her about a chastity appliance she said no. He, however, pushed for it. When she would ask what he would like for his birthday the chastity device once again came up. He told her that wearing the device might help him concentrate on his studies. (As he put it the appliance might get his mind off of sex). Against that background she knew he had been masturbating, and wanted to find a cure for what she considered was a nasty habit that distracted him from both her and his work.

In the final email Tina told me that she felt more than a little uncomfortable with the way things turned out. In a sense she felt that maybe they had went too far with the games. She was not at all sure she wanted femdom as a real part of her life. She felt like she could be a mistress for her husband, but had harbored serious reservations about whether is was right for them as a couple.
As Tina escalated the situation on that Saturday afternoon she continued to hope that her husband would find the inner strength to push back. What kind of a man she asked me would willingly surrender his car keys or wallet to his wife.  I could have added what kind of a man allows his wife to order for him in a restaurant, or doesn't say a word because he has been placed in silent mode, but from experience I know most any submissive male could be trained to obey these simple directives.

From what I can gather the breaking point for Tina came when they were back at the apartment.
There was an argument over something stupid. In front of the girlfriend Tina's husband got down on his knees to beg for whatever it was he wanted.  Instead of playing the game Tina told me she slapped him hard on the face. She told him to be a man, but all he could do was to kiss her feet as a  way of apologizing. He also started to cry. In her words to me she saw him as something less than a man.

Early on in the exchange Tina mentioned that the reason for the friends visit was that her dorm was shut down for the holiday. The plan was for the friend to sleep on the sofa bed, and fly out the next day to join her family on vacation. Instead, Tina decided to have her husband sleep on the sofa. That evening she had him change the bed sheets and clean up the apartment. The words she used on him were very strong she told me.  She told him something to the effect that if he can't be a real man at least he could be a real maid.

As Tina and I visited it became more and more apparent that she wanted her story told. In my opinion the show of submission in front of the friend revealed the size of the fissure between her and her husband. As a type of accommodation to him she was willing to play the game. In the right circumstance she was even willing to offer a touch of reality. However, what she couldn't accept was the  debt of submission that her husband displayed.  In my opinion Tina is reaching for answers . What I see is a typical young wife who is striving to accommodate a husband who is pushing for more than she is willing to give. 'Where this femdom thing goes', she told me 'I don't know'.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Punishment, A quick Aside

This has been a different type of Christmas for John and I.  We usually spend time with one or two of the children. This year they were both committed to the other family. Those of you who have married children understand exactly what I am saying. Either way we had a good Christmas with neighborhood parties and events at the golf club. The time away has given me an opportunity to catch up with emails. For a person who takes pride in returning emails I have been derelict as some of my unreturned emails go back for months.

Following the publication of 'Punishment, A quick Aide' there was an updated email from Tina.
For those of you who do not know she is the young lady who was the subject of the post. Parts of her email made me laugh. Other parts gave me a more profound understanding of her situation. Her email opened with the simple phrase to the effect that your readers must think I am a terrible bitch. What I came to realize is that to understand Tina you first need to understand her situation.

My first thought was that yes the readers may think you are indeed a bitch. Aftercall, any wife who punishes a husband in front of a friend must have something of a cruel streak in her. Tina explained that her girlfriend was in fact her best friend in college. Before marriage they had been suite mates.
As suites mates in college they were routinely accustomed to sharing information about the guys they dated. Speaking as a former college girl I can tell you that this is not unusual in any way shape or form. She had already shared the story about her husband, then boyfriend, being on the submissive side. In some ways this may seem strange, but from what I can gather she considered it kind of a sweet spot rather than a criticism.

Over the past year Tina's friend had been over to the apartment on numerous occasions. On a couple of those occasions she had allowed the husband to fix and serve dinner. The way Tina described it there was nothing much kinky about it. The husband enjoyed serving, and they enjoyed bossing him around in a light hearted manner. Sometimes they would go out to a local club leaving the husband at home. It was not to be kinky, it was more that he had a 'ton' of studying to do as he was in law school.
They would Uber to the club, and  call him for a pick up. If he wasn't to busy they would have a night cap together, and to tease him  would talk about the guys that asked them to dance. The point of what she was trying to tell me, I think, is that the friend was already aware of the nuances of their relationship.

On the particular day Tina tells me that she was aware of traffic issues on the expressway. She was not so much trying to order him which way to go as much as she was trying to give him advice. Instead, he took a chauvinistic attitude that he knew best, and this is what seemed to cause her discomfort with the situation. The fact that he took this attitude in front of her friend added to the hostilities of the moment. Arriving at the theater she felt that this was not a situation to simply ignore.
They had been playing femdom games. She remembered a statement I had made in an email that a well disciplined man will willingly wait both on you and for you.

The words that Tina used in her email were simply that she seized the moment. It would do him good, she thought, to be punished for being disrespectful to her. Her girl friend from the dorm might be a little surprised, but it was not the end of the world she told me. Once again the girlfriend had been involved in some of their femdom games. As I read this part of her email the thought occurred to me was what is so wrong  if anything with having a sweet submissive husband serve dinner to you and a friend.  

The interesting part of the experiment was not so much the punishment, but the husband's response to it. He couldn't believe she told me that I really had the balls to punish him. Yes, he was embarrassed she told me, but it was also like something he had been waiting for. In the restaurant and on the way back to the apartment she gave her husband the command of silence. In the past this command had been a part of some of their play sessions. The difference was that this time it was not play.

The email exchange with Tina went back and forth several times. From the first email I remembered that the husband was locked. My question to Tina was would he had accepted her punishment if not for the fact that there was a chastity device placed around his private parts. She wasn't really sure she told me, but her feeling was that having her guy locked made it easier for him to accept punishment.
My other question to her was would you have really kept him locked for a month if he had disobeyed your commend. That response was an unquestioned yes.

Love Kathy

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Punishment, A Quick Aside

In the last posting the comment was made that some of the best punishments are the simplest. In that regard I would like to share a story with you about a young woman who has been reading the blog for about a year. We have emailed back and forth on a few occasions and I have gotten to know her basic situation. She and her husband are both college students living in married housing at a private university. If I read her emails correctly she is an undergraduate. Her husband is in law school. They are in what I call the experimental age. They are young, newly married, and away from the traditional restraints of family and long term friends.

Shortly before being married last year the husband came to her with a request to have something of a female led relationship. According to what she told me, 'he liked the idea of her being in control'.
The concept of her being in control was never something she ever wanted, but she was open to experimentation. In the beginning he described himself as something of a service submissive. He liked to do house hold cleaning and laundry and generally take care of things for her. The caveat was that he needed to do things at her command. In the emails she told me that she was fine with the concept. She had no problem with him cleaning the toilets and changing the bed sheets if that was what a femdom relationship was all about.

After a few months of married life he asked if she would collar him. He also asked if she would lead him through the apartment on a leash. In her words that was too wacky for her and she said no.
They did get into some femdom games, and he developed the custom of calling her mistress.
She emphasized it was all about fun and she did not take the idea of being her husband's mistress
seriously. In fact she tells me that she kind of giggled every time he called her mistress.

One part of the femdom experience she did enjoy was having her husband pick up and wash the dinner dishes. According to he emails they would sit and talk at the table until she gave him the command to pick up. He usually responded with a yes mistress type remark. She enjoyed the luxury of relaxing while he spent the ten or fifteen minutes necessary to pick up and make lunches for the next day. In a sense it gave her the feeling of what it was to be a real mistress, and there was a part of her that liked it.

A part of their femdom games involved punishment. In the beginning the so called punishment was nothing more than play. It often involved one of those play floggers that is good for show, but doesn't hurt. One a couple of occasions she wrote to me for ideas. I recommended corner time which can be a real punishment if you keep the guy on his knees long enough. I also recommended the idea of sending him to the store with a ribbon in his hair. Once or twice she went in the store after him, but pretended she didn't know who he was. It was fun to laugh at him while watching other people's reactions.  At one time he asked if he could wear some of her underwear. Her things were really too small. So, for his birthday present she took him to the plus size store to buy panties for him.
That turned out better than she expected as the young sales girl was very accommodating.

 On several occasions he  made a request to wear a chastity appliance with her as his key holder. At the time she told me that the request 'kind of' scared her. He gave her some books and mentioned a few web sites that might help her learn more about these devices. It took her a while to understand, and even then she told me that she just went along with him as the entire concept of femdom and chastity seemed so strange. They ended up buying a device on line. She told me that it actually gave her a good feeling to know that her husband was locked and that she held the key. She mainly locked him on weekends for play. To more or less sum up her comments she told me that her husband was much more attentive while wearing device so she tended to have him wear it all weekend. She also learned to link release with his grades in law school as a way of motivating him to study harder.

Yesterday evening I received a really cute email from this young lady. Along with a girlfriend she and her husband decided to attend a movie last Saturday afternoon.  On the way to the movie she instructed him on which route to take. On his own the husband decided to take another route and got the three of them stuck in heavy traffic on the expressway. When they finally arrived at the theater, she tells me, she calmly instructed her husband to hand over  his wallet, along with the keys to the car.  For not following instructions she told the husband that he would not be attending the movie with them, but would instead remain waiting on the outside of the theater. The look on the husband's face was incredible she told me. As was more or less usual for a Saturday he was wearing the chastity appliance. She then added that unless he wanted to stay locked for the for the next month he had better be there waiting there as they exited the theater.

This lady went on to tell me that he is the one who wanted a femdom type arrangement. On that day he got he got a taste of what real femdom was all about she told me. Her girlfriend thought it was a 'hoot', and they laughed about it for the rest of the afternoon while teasing him about what a good movie it was. She was not sure which part of the punishment was the most effective, the boredom of waiting, or the humiliation in front of her girlfriend.

After the movie the two girls decided to go for a drink and snacks. 'Would you like to come in with us', she asked the husband. 'Yes', he replied. She said something to the effect that she hadn't heard an apology from him. 'I'm sorry' he replied. "I'm Sorry who", she made a point of answering in front of her friend. "I'm sorry, Mistress." he nervously answered with a bow of his head. From what she tells me the girlfriend was more than a little surprised by the exchange, and they latter shared a giggle at the husband's expense.

In the restaurant she couldn't help but talk about the experience with her girlfriend. 'He really wants you to boss him around', the girlfriend asked on several occasions. Her feeling was that in a strange sought of way her husband was really enjoying the humiliation of being totally outed in front of this friend. Once, when he started to speak, she showed him the key and told him to be quite while the women were talking. 'Yes mistress', he responded.  She even took the step of ordering for him. My interpretation of the experience was that it put the husband into a deep state of 'sub space' where by he was totally under his wife's authority. On that Saturday afternoon this couple was not playing at femdom as she was really the one who was in control. She had the courage to use her female authority in a way that taught her husband a useful lesson about obedience. She pressed the envelope in a way that her husband never expected.

Can any of you relate to this experience?

Love you all for reading.