Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Notebook

Once again thank all of you for the comments.

In most ways I am still having trouble getting my 'act' together as far as the blog goes.

Not all men are submissive. However, my guess is that there is a fairly large percentage of men who would be happier, more content with life if they lived under the authority of a mistress wife. The idea that some men find satisfaction by serving a woman and doing as she tells them is still difficult for many people to understand. Yet, the empirical evidence suggest that many men do want to live their lives under female control. I have long since given up trying to understand the why of this phenomena, but believe it is real.

In my own family there are two very lovely, sweet submissive men. As most of you know both my husband and my daughter's husband fall into this category. As both a wife and a mother there is nothing wrong with having such a man in your life. Yet, time after time women seem to walk away as soon as they see the submissive label tattooed upon a man.  Why I ask my self. What is so wrong with a man who is willing to serve, who is willing to make a woman's life better. What is so wrong with taking the time and the energy to develop the submissive side of a man so that he can become a better, more perfect version of himself.

For most of her life Becky has been more of the student in our mother/daughter relationship. Now I find that the shoe is on the other foot. This past summer we spent a large amount of time together in her home-where she is mistress. We still talk, she still ask questions, but more and more she has become the teacher. For one thing she has become more of a disciplinarian then I have ever been.
Where I have stayed away from spanking she willingly incorporates it into the structure of her relationship. She is not reluctant to use the bristle side of the hairbrush to let her husband know when he is out of line. And, the interesting aspect of their relationship is that her husband appreciates her efforts.

When we talked about discipline her response was simply that most men respect a woman who is willing to punish them. A painful spanking, followed by corner time and a lecture, is a way of letting a man know who is in charge she tells me.. David, may not like the spanking, yet it serves a useful purpose in their marriage. David, she says to me tends to become cranky and pouty when he goes too long without a punishment of some type. As she put it to me punishment when needed is a part of developing the submissive part of his personality. Developing the submissive side of David's personality is a responsibility she takes seriously. Why, because that is what he needs to become a better husband and a better father. She is a mother to her children and a mistress to her husband.

Does it ever happen that her roles as mistress and mother sometimes become a little mixed up, I asked. Very seldom, she responded. She was very firm that she wants David as a husband not a child.
She expects him to be a father to their children, a good role model, and her right arm in helping to manage the household. She went on to say that many of her friends have husbands who do nothing around the house except watch sports on the television. She then gave me a little smile. David, like daddy is not allowed to turn on the television without permission she said. Becky may have learned this rule from me, but in many other ways she is more advanced than I have ever been.

Over the next week or so I will try to continue with this posting. Yet, I wonder how many of you see yourself as kind of a David. For those of you who actually live under the authority of a wife or girlfriend does it make you happier? Does it make you more productive as a person? As femdom been a positive in your life? Please let me hear from you on this topic. Although they seldom comment there many women who follow this blog, and they are looking for the answers to these questions.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing,


Kathy

Monday, August 28, 2017

Time Away

Just a quick note to thank all of you who have emailed over the summer months. Both John and I are fine. As most of you know John is retired. I made the decision to take the summer off from work. We spent most of June traveling in Europe and much of the remainder of the summer visiting with children.

It felt so good to be away from the responsibilities of work and to some extent the blog. In a way it felt good not to have the responsibility of posting. Over a few weeks of traveling I developed a mental block regarding computers. I just didn't want to touch a computer to either email, post, or simply to read the news.

Much of our time in Europe was in Italy. We rented a small apartment on a hillside outside of Sienna, and spent most of our time making day trips in the area. We also did a lot of walking. From the apartment we had to walk down the hill, but then go back up another hill in order to get into the town.
Sienna was interesting, but not as pretty as the renaissance cities of Italy. The Tuscany area with all of the little hill top towns was gorgeous, and we loved the wine and the food. We both took classes on Italian cooking. John, however, will tell you his favorite part of the class was eating what we cooked.

Where we go from here I am not sure. We did spent time with Becky and her family. She is as much a mistress to her husband as she has ever been. What I did notice is a renewed sense of confidence in herself. She is not afraid of leading. She is sweet and kind, always very feminine in manners and in the way she dresses, but she lets David know who is boss. And, I think this is an attribute that men generally value in a wife. More than every it is my belief that many- many men have a serious submissive side to their personality. It simply takes the right woman to bring it out where it can be developed.

Being on vacation relieved John of most of his work responsibilities. It also relieved me of some of the daily pressure of being a mistress. Yes, ladies, don't let anyone tell you that being a mistress is a job that comes with no responsibly. As time goes on the job of being a mistress becomes easier, but it can still be a job. What surprised me was how grumpy John could become on vacation. Letting the leash louse was fine for a few days, but to be happy John needs to feel the constant pull of my authority. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are like that?

After a few days of going collar free, I made him put it on. It may be difficult to imagine but it improved his attitude. Having the collar around his neck made him more obedient, more content, and a far better traveling companion. Men want to be collared. This may be one of the biggest secrets in the universe. Yet, even more than collared men want a lady who is willing to lock up their little 'thing-e' and keep the key.   'Thing-e' may not be an actual word, but yes you all know what it is.

Over the years I have had many emails from women. At the beginning the idea of being a man's mistress seems so strange. A couple of years into it most women tell how natural it feels to have a man under their control. Femdom is about love, about relationships, and about developing a sense of trust in each other. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are 'there' with your wife or girlfriend.
How many of you would fully trust the lady in your life with your freedom and as well as your money?

Love you all for reading and for sharing. We need to see where the blog goes from here. Over the next few weeks I will try to answer many of the email in my in box.


Kathy







Monday, June 5, 2017

Time Away From The Blog

Just want to mention that I will be away from the blog until July.

With things like work, vacation, and summer visits with the children life is getting busy.
And, for the times being there is not a lot for me to say. All of my thoughts have been poured out in the Morning Thoughts series.

Most of you know that John has officially retired from his life as an engineer. In some ways this has affected the way we do things. It has meant more house chores for him. It has also forced me to rethink the rules that apply to his activities. Lacking the responsibilities of a career it is my belief that men need more structure in their personal life.

If I can gather my thoughts this may be the next topic of the blog. Many of you are retired.
Please send me your thoughts on this topic. For the wife how difficult is it to adjust to having a man around the house? Do retired men need more structure from their wives? With more time on their hands should they be given a larger allowance?

There are a lot of questions, and I would like to hear from each and everyone of you. Until July be good to yourselves, and especially good to the lady in your life.


Love, Kathy

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Morning Thoughts............

A quick look at the number of dots connected to this post as well as my work schedule tells me that is time to bring this series to a conclusion. The comments, the emails have all been wonderful. You have all been sweethearts. It takes courage to share. It is time for femdom to come out of the shadows into the mainstream of western culture. It is my hope that in some small way the blog helps promote understanding of this evolving way of living and loving.

While the comments have been great there was one that stayed with me in a special way. In his comment of May 5th James captures so much of the beauty and love associated with femdom relationships. In truth he captures the essence of what is commonly called loving femdom authority.
It is my hope that everyone goes back to read it again and again.

A man gives up control, but gains freedom, James writes. By giving up control men are liberated to follow the dictates of their heart. Whatever woman says that men have no sense of romance or passion needs to read this comment and talk about it with her friends. Then James says that he had no idea that he wanted to bee tamed, trained, and even lovingly enslaved until meeting his wife to be.
What I have always believed is that a strong, confident woman who is willing to take on the responsibilities of leadership can make a man into a better version of himself. (A happier version more content with life, and more connected to his wife and family.) This is the potential gift of femdom to the world. Men want it, but women continue to resist.

In modern society we need to redefine the meaning of the word slave as to include a male who is owned body and soul by a woman who loves him. There should be no higher calling for a man than to be tamed, trained, and lovingly enslaved by a woman. Many happy years breed the conditions for absolute respect and absolute control and trust that are essential for a femdom relationship, James writes. And yes, it is my belief that what James is saying is the truth. In femdom you can't go from A to Z in a few days. It often takes years of work and sacrifice. Women think femdom is only for the benefit of the men, but there are deep satisfactions that come with these relationships.

We want to connect with our men. We want them there as our soul mates. We love to be touched by them. We want them to touch us both physically and spiritually. We want them there for us when the rest of the world is going crazy. And yes, we want their support because even as strong women we need the hand of a loving man by our side. And just as men trust us to do what is best for them we know that they are there for us in our time of need. A loving submissive husband devoted to his wife and family is a treasure.

And, James thank you for being my hero this day. It is my hope that nothing here should embarrass you in the least way.  A big kiss to all of you and especially to those who were kind enough to share.

Love you all,


Kathy





Monday, May 15, 2017

Morning Thoughts.........

'It is not the makeup on  her face, but the makeup of her attitude' that attracts a man to a woman.

If there is one line from the all of the comments that should be repeated time and time again it is this one. Have you have seen a couple and wondered what it is that attacks a nice looking man to a woman like 'that'. I think we all have. It is of course love, but love springs forward from attraction of some type.

Men are first attracted to nice looking women, but beyond that men want to be with women who are smart, confident, and who have the ability to lead them. In many ways this starts back in high school. Sure, it was often the boy who asked the girl out on the first day. Yet, it was the girl that sent signals out to the boy that it was safe to ask her. And, most of the outings were planned by the girls. The boys were often told how to dress,  time for pickup, and where to wait while the girls went in group to the restroom.

The comments are so different than they were in the early years of the blog. Most of the comments are from men who are in some version of a femdom relationship. It my opinion that more and more men are finding the self confidence to open up about their need for control. Women are often accepting of leading men as long as it is not called femdom or by some other label that seems to have a type of kink attached to it. What men fail to realize is that women do not want to be seen by others as being controlling or bossy.


Love, Kathy

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Morning Thoughts.......

Good morning to all of you.

Once again it is the comments that give me food for thought as I relay them back to my own experiences.

Yes, having John eat pages from a magazine seemed to make the point that there would be no more porn in his life, but was it the right thing to do. You can always go back in time to question whether this or that was the right decision, but you can't change things. As a mistress you are the one responsible for making decisions that affect your family. What often seems appropriate at one stage of your life may seem very different when looking back on things. What I tell my daughter is try not to second guess her self. Not all of your decisions will be the best ones.  Just by assuming the role of decision maker and mistress you become something of a hero to David, I tell her.

The comment from Alex gave me pause to think. Some of you are hooked on the internet for the daily offerings that come with it. The comment from Alex made me realize that a few of you may actually be addicted to this blog. My first reaction is that this is not right. The internet world should never replace the real world . A blog by an internet mistress should aid in the relationship with the woman in your life rather than supplant it.  My concern is that men tend to spend too much time on the computer. John is allocated a certain amount of time to serf and relax, but that time is limited.

Almost every where we go there are people looking down at their cell phones ignoring those who are with them. When a husband is in your company there are good reasons for having both his cell phone and his wallet safely parked away in your purse. And, as I tell Becky, take over David's phone every so often just to see who is calling, texting, or emailing him. A well supervised man is usually a well behaved man. A submissive husband in a femdom relationship should have no expectation of privacy from his mistress. It was I'm Hers I believe who once mentioned that every so often Katie will surprise him with a face time call. She has him turn the phone in every direction so that she can see who is with him. In preparing this post I was a little surprised to learn that Becky some times does this with David.  Traveling on business he is required to call her when he is back in his hotel room for the evening. She sometimes surprises him with a face time call an hour or so later. It may surprise many of you, but men appreciate this type of supervision from their mistress.

In was back in 2007 that John  became aware of several femdom blogs on the internet that he thought had value.  He asked  permission to follow them. Before giving permission I needed to see what he was asking for. It was during the review that I came aware of the blog by Fd and one or two others that seemed to have value.  While I enjoyed reading many of the comments there was something missing. What I noticed was that there were no comments from women. The reaction to my comments was over whelming. What was clear to me was that men were looking for input from women. Not only was it wanted, they were desperate for it.

It was John who suggested that I write a blog based on our experiences. My fist reaction was negative as the idea of a sex blog was repulsive to me. Then it occurred to me that femdom is really about relationships. I am not so old or so foolish as not to realize that there is a sexual component to femdom, but for me at least it is primarily about relationships. When I talk with Becky it is about relationships. Yes, I know that David came to her with a request to be locked. What do you think mom, she asked. If you feel it is good for the relationship than go with it, I told her. Anything beyond wanting them to give  me grand children is more than I  need to know. Like my John, David is a sweet man who has a distinct need for female authority in his life. A problem for Becky is that she has no friends in the lifestyle.

More than anything else it was the friends in the lifestyle who made the difference for me. These were the women who went to Tara with their husbands for education. She formed them int her 'new comers' group. It gave them a chance to talk with one another, share stories, and sometimes cry together. By invitation I became part of that group.

The last point to make this morning is that I am neither a super hero or a mortar. John may have committed infidelities, but he knew that I would not be willing to accept him as my submissive.
The reality of John's situation was simply that a paid mistress was the only way forward for him.
 My reality was  having either an up happy marriage with a man who needed a mistress, or learning to be the mistress my husband needed. The  lesson I learned was talk to your husband. Talk with him every day. Be open with him and encourage him to be open with you.



Love, Kathy

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Morning Thoughts....

It is the comments more than anything else that keeps me attached to the blog. This morning there were so many great comments that I hardly know where to start.

Many of the comments over the years have praised me for finding a way to stay with the marriage in the face of John's infidelity. John made a mistake as we all do from time to time. Yet, coming home from that first visit with Tara my heart was crushed. For so many years there had been a 'we', now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. The fact that at that we were no longer a couple opened a chiasm in my heart that was wider than the grand canon. Turning into my drive way that day of the first meeting with Tara I stopped the car to look at the big empty house in front of me. The house seemed so large and so lonely. Through out the meeting with Tara and the drive home I was able to keep my composure. At that moment in the driveway I broke down into tears.

Looking at the house my mind wondered back to all of the good times we had there. I thought of the family dinners with the children, the Christmas mornings opening presents and realized that those times were over. I also remembered the words my mother  spoke to me while helping  in the kitchen. Marriages are made in heaven, but lived on earth she would tell me. Marriages, she told me, need to be worked at.  There will be difficult times she warned. As I grew older she talked more about relationships. Catholic wives are supposed to be the heart and soul of a family. It was the wife she told me who was charged with the responsibility of infusing the Holy Spirit into the family. Exactly how I was to do this was always something of a mystery, but those words stayed with me.

That first meeting in the studio lasted well over an hour. For me it was a surreal experience. The nearly naked house boys- older men coming and going  politely responding to every instruction were something from another world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined grown men acting as subservient toward  women as they were with us. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that until a few days earlier John had been one of these servile males clinging to Tara's every word waiting for her next command. 'Why', I asked myself. At that moment there was no good answer.

In that first meeting Tara did almost all of the talking. Those of you who have followed the blog from the beginning may recall the words she repeated to me. 'At least he is not an axe murderer' she would say. It took me a little while to realize what she was trying to tell me. There are a lot worse things in the world than being a submissive man. In a recent comment I'm Hers asked if I was happy living as a mistress wife. The answer is yes, but it took some time. In the world I grew up in the man was supposed to be the leader. The wife was supposed to be the support person taking care of everyone else.

From Tara's prospective the purpose of the meeting was to tell me that John's behavior was perfectly normal. The world is full, she told me, of men who want nothing more than to live as obedient servants to women. Is that such an evil thing she would then say. The problem she told me is that society expects men to be in charge, to be the leaders. Not only society at large she said, but wives and girl friends want the traditional type of husband or boy friend. Toward the end of that first meeting she invited me to come to studio on a regular basis to work with the clients so that I could learn what the world of dominance and submission was all about.

Siting in the drive way that afternoon I knew the answer to Tara's invitation.


Love you all,


Kathy