Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Should Men Be Allowed To Vote.

This last posting was kind of started as a silly little thing to have fun with. Never did I expect it to engender so much of a response. Most of the responses were simple yeses or no's, but some were well written and well thought out. While I am not in favor of disenfranchising men there were arguments that caused me to think about the issue in a  realistic manner.

As mentioned in the comment section I want the same opportunities for both my son and my daughter. In a general way this includes the opportunity to contribute to society as well as earning a living. And, I love them both. I love them both equally. But, over the years my observation has been that Becky matured at a younger age than my son. Its of no importance now, but she learned to use the toilet at an earlier age than my son. From the start she was more interested in school and learning her letters. While our son was very smart he just didn't care for school. The teacher once told me he didn't yet have the maturity. Even in college he had difficulty with adjusting to the lack of supervision that comes with being away from home for the first time. There was never this type of an issue with Becky.

After college our son was able to find a job, but he had a playboy attitude towards life. As far as I know he is not submissive, but what settled him down was meeting the right girl. I am proud to say that this young lady is now our daughter in law. And together they are building a family. She is in no way what anyone would call a mistress wife, but her influence on him has been positive. He watches his weight as well as his credit score. He doesn't miss work because of a hang over or for sleeping through an alarm. She has taught him to wear the right clothes for the right occasion. There have been times when I have wondered whether she actually picks out some of what he wears. What I would say is that he is not submissive, but he is sensitive to her priorities. Does that sentence make sense to all of you?

In looking at my son an argument could have been made that his enfranchisement should have come at a later age than it did with Becky. Is this true in general? I will add to the fire by saying that in my opinion most males do not fully mature until their thirties. Over the years I have had several emails from young men who tell me that they want to have a mistress wife, or want to live as a slave to a strong woman. If they are under thirty I tell them that they probably need more maturity before making that type of a decision.

Until men reach their thirties most of them simply don't know themselves well enough to make life long commitments.  In the studio most of the clients were in their forties or older. It was at a certain age that they recognized their personal need for submission. So many of the comments were the same. 'Yes, I love my wife', they would say, but they also needed a mistress in their lives. And, some of what they needed could be described as kink. Yet, much of their needs simply focused on having a lady to obey and serve. For a few of these men I was privileged to be that lady. You have no idea how many of these men wanted to come clean my house or do my ironing.

Let me know it this post is hitting a chord with any of you, or is it missing the mark.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Should Men Be Allowed to Vote

For all of you who are wondering this is not really a post.

By way of a comment Mistress Linda proposed the idea that men should not be allowed to vote.

Her comment is toward the bottom of the last posting, Back to Basics, Conclusion.

It might be fun I thought to take a survey. How many of you agree with Mistress Linda?

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Back To Basics-Conclusion

There were a couple of emails that criticized me for not concluding the last series in a more formal manner.  Let me say that reading the comments was a learning experience. It was especially interesting to have Key as a commenter and contributor. It any of you haven't read his book, I recommend it. Everyone in a female led relationship, male or female, can get something out of it.
For John and I it was the pledge.  Words have meaning. Saying them out loud to a spouse has a way of crystalizing that meaning in a way that is more real and personal.

In the book Key talks about the weekly meeting. Yes, this is something John and I have been doing for quite some time. And yes, in my opinion men should be kept on their knees for this meeting.
Keeping a man on his knees has a way of reminding him of his place. It also helps him to focus on the discussion at hand. If the meeting is long enough for his knees to start hurting allow him to sit back for a few minuets or so. Either way end  the meeting with him on his knees, and give him the opportunity to kiss your feet as a reward for being a good husband. Every man I ever talked with appreciates the opportunity of kissing the feet of his mistress. Why, I don't know, but they do.

In my opinion a mistress wife never really dominates a man. As mentioned earlier I dislike the term dominate. It seems to imply that you are forcing a man to do things against his will. A mistress wife provides the submissive husband the freedom to be the man he wants to be. Along the way there are rules and protocol that enable a man to do things Her way. I love the way Key capitalizes certain expressions. It makes the point that the husband tends to live in Her world rather than She in his world. The truly submissive man wants to accept Her guidance, Her judgment, and Her way of doing things.

In an earlier post it was mentioned that John opened up a bit to his regular golf partner about our life style. 'Do you always agree with her', he asked. John's response was not always, but most of the time.
'Do you offer an opinion', was the next question. 'Yes, if she ask for one' was John's reply, 'but she does not always ask'. There are times when I want John's opinion. More often than not I will sound out Becky or one of my girlfriends. John's friend asked if he ever became annoyed with me, and if so how did he handle it. John told me that he gave his friend the same advice that he once gave to David.
There may be times that you are frustrated or angry, but the best thing to do is to bite your tongue and think 'yes mistress' ever if you don't say it aloud.

In the book Key seems to think that female judgment is superior. If it is or not I am not really sure.
What is important is for the husband to believe that his wife's judgment is superior to his. This is at least true for matters of the home and the family. And, in that regard I truly believe that my thinking is more on queue than Johns.

It has been several weeks since I read Key's book, but a question that comes up time after time is what do you get out of being John's mistress. Yes, a clean house is nice, and help with the laundry makes things easier, but a woman doesn't marry  a man because she wants a house maid. On that first day without John I cried. That big house that once filled with children, dogs, and a loving man was now empty. There was no longer a 'we', there was only a he and a she. And, in the book Key seems to capture the importance of there being a we.

The question than comes up about what I wanted in a femdom relationship. The answer is simple. I wanted the love of my husband. For me and for many of us the most important thing in life that determines happiness is love. Money is important, and so is health. Yet, without John at my side the other things in life mean little. As strange as it seems I was on a guilt trip. Why didn't John have the confidence to talk with me about his submissive needs. Why didn't  I notice that he needed more control. And then much later in life John opened up about the way Becky tended to lead him when they were together. Of course, it was long after the fact, but this story tended to create some additional feelings of guilt. Could it be that this young lady, our daughter, was actually more of a mistress to him than I had been.

From working with Tara I quickly learned that John needed a mistress. And, I also understood that if I wanted John back in my life I would need to be that mistress. I was not going to be one of those wives who drove their husband to the dominatrix for an afternoon romp. In the beginning I was more of a mistress than a mistress-wife. Although I loved john, and wanted him back as a fixture in my life, there was a matter of trust. He had broken the bonds of our marriage. Men, I told Becky need to be watched. While John has worked hard to rebuild my trust there are issues that will never be quite the same. As I tell Becky know what David is doing at all times and know who he is doing it with. If he is playing golf learn the names of his golfing friends, their wives, and phone numbers. In earlier years there were evenings with friends as well as business dinners. The alarm codes for our home were set in such a way that John could not leave without me knowing about it. And, of course, without permission he was not allowed to leave the house.

While restricting the alarm codes to the house is above and beyond, what I have learned is that John appreciates the controls on his personal freedom. It may just be a submissive thing, but men want to know that you are watching them. They want to know that mistress is looking at the history tab on their computer, the millage on their car as well as restricting the amount of spendable cash in their possession. When you are together the best place for a husband's wallet is in your purse. John once commented that a young teenage boy on our block had more personal freedom and spendable cash than he had. Yes, I told him, and it will stay that way. The thing is that we both like it that way. He wants and needs that control. He is a typical man and I love him for it.

Love, Kathy

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Back To Basics........

In my opinion it has been a very good week for the blog.

There have been far too many comments for me to talk about. And, for the most part there is not much for me to add. Most of you, like me, enjoyed reading Key's book.

What I found most inspiring in the book was the pledge. Words do have meaning. The pledge is beautifully written and the words are inspiring. John has been tasked with the responsibility of memorizing the pledge. How often should it be said. Key suggests it should be said once per week as part of the meeting. For me once per week is not often enough. It may not last more than fifteen or twenty minutes, but john and I have our little talk once per day. And yes, we have incorporated the words of the pledge into our special time together. For me the words are like poetry. When he adds I love you mistress, and want to be your slave the words take on even more meaning. Yes, you are my slave, I tell him, and will be so for the rest of your life. In femdom there is a special meaning to the slave word that simply can't be defined by the dictionary, but it is real. As my salve John is more than my submissive as he is both owned and he is loved.

In a busy life where everyone has careers sometimes it is difficult to find thirty or forty minutes to have a meeting-to have a special time to talk. Yet, I do believe a couple should strive for that special time away from the children- away from the television, and away from all the interferences of modern life. What I have found it that keeping John on his knees for these talks tends to focus him on the discussion at hand rather than the problems of the day. And, in general having a man on his knees helps create a favorable environment. From the comments it seems so obvious that men relish a relationship where a wife who has the confidence necessary to have them to kneel.

While I can not explain what the feeling is for a man to kneel before his wife the comments tell me it is a deeply emotional experience. One gentlemen stated that he would rather be a submissive man yielding to a loving wife than being the riches man in the world. The man who has found a mistress wife who loves him is far richer than the man who strives for money. The man who strives to please a mistress is far more satisfied with his life than the man who strives for power and wealth. This is the power of femdom relationships.

Yet, real life is not a fairy tale. You can't expect a man to labor year after year cleaning toilets, doing house work and such if his mistress show few signs of appreciating his efforts. What I tell women who write to me is take the time to inspect your man's work. If it is done well tell him so. It is not necessary to thank him, and it is often counterproductive. And, it helps to remind a man of his status when giving a compliment. Expressions such as good job my little slave boy mean more to a man than just good job.

In our situation John's house keeping was simply not up to standard. On my vanity table I keep a number of small bottles of perfume. John understands that dusting each of these small bottles is a part of his cleaning job. Yet, the work is faster and easier if he simply moves them to the side. Instead of correcting him  my negligent attitude allowed the problem to become worse. Pretty soon I realized that he was cleaning the house in a fraction of the time. On our retune from the ski trip I set him down for a talk and a lecture. Instead of giving him corner time I made the decision to take away two of his golf days. Some men in femdom marriages would have been spanked or given lines to write.
In some ways he may have come off easy, but John is a mature man who understands what needs to be done. John also understands that if the problem continues he is not too old to be given the humiliating child like punishment of doing time in the corner.

If I have a criticism of the book it is that it fails to deal with the issue of punishment. This is a difficult issue for most women. It takes a great deal of self confidence to give a man real punishment.
And, I suspect  it is deeply humiliating for any man to be punished by his wife. Yet, I also believe that failure in this area is a reason for the breakdown of some marriages. Men need to understand that the wife is in charge. They need to understand that breaking her rules will result in punishment.
In a no nonsense way a husband needs to learn that not doing things Her way will created problems for himself. As Key says so many times in the book 'She is the Boss'.

Love you all for reading. Have a good Easter. And remember that Easter presents opportunities for  doing something special for your wife and for your family. She is not only your wife and mistress She is your spiritual leader. She should be the light of your world. A man once told me that he viewed his wife as the Lord's earthly representative to him. He felt that an offense against his wife's rules was also an offense against the Lord as she was his Lord's earthly representative.  Think about this on Easter Sunday and be thankful for the wonderful things you have been given.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

BackTo Basics.......

If I was underwhelmed by the lack of Comments on Monday morning, I am now overwhelmed.

There are so many well thought out comments that it is really impossible to single one or two  for further discussion. In truth the comments are better than the actual blog, and illustrate the most personal experiences and emotions. And, it is ok for men to show emotion. Emotions make our life richer. Sharing heart felt emotions with a spouse creates a 'we' relationship.

Reading through the comments there is one commonality. Male submission in a female led marriage brings couples closer together. It generates a higher level of intimacy, as well as more passion in the marriage. And, I am not talking  about kink. I am talking about genuine intimacy between a woman and her man. And, when I say man I mean man. The submissive man, the man who finds the courage to bend his knee to his wife is no less a man. He is in my opinion the diamond in the rough that simply needs the firm hand of a loving wife to make him all he can be.

One of the emails I received was from a young gentlemen who took the pledge. He told me that their marriage had been struggling. It was missing something, but they didn't know what. Much of the intimacy this couple shared in the first years of their relationship seemed to be missing. A such, when they decided on the pledge there was no giggling or laughter. In a way they viewed it as a prescription for  the health of their relationship. This young gentlemen found the courage to ask his wife's permission to kneel as he was reciting the pledge. She agreed. He tells me that kneeling before his wife, taking the pledge was one of the most liberating experiences of his life.

As a woman it is difficult for me to understand how a man feels when he surrenders him self to a wife. For that I need John's help as well as all of the comments you have given me. But, it is my understanding that this young man's feeling of liberation is rather common. Liberation from what I would ask. The answer in a very general way is liberation from the restraints of being a man. Liberation to show feelings, to show vulnerability. to show who you really are under the mask of masculinity that society imposes.

As women we simply do not understand the male need for submission. It doesn't make sense, and we were not raised to be leaders. In fact we were raised to be follows. But, we were also raised with the idea that we should please our men. But, when it comes to leading our men there is kind of a glass wall. Yes, we can give then sex, and we can sometimes do the special things they like because these are the things that are expected of us. Yet, when it comes to proving the discipline they need we can not break though that glass wall.

Love you all for all for reading. Love you even more for sharing. You are my little sweethearts, and this blog is to help make your life better.


Monday, March 26, 2018

Back To Basics......

So many people read this blog, yet so few of you participate.

The primary reason for my long absence was the lack of participation. John is the one who gave me encouragement to come back to the blog. We talk about the comments. It is the reactions from you, the reader, that provides me the energy to continue with the blog.

Although many of you are still reading Key's book my reaction to the response this morning has been underwhelming. If Key's book was about spanking instead of a serious discussion on female led relationships there would have been a hundred comments. I am not saying spanking is wrong. I am saying that there is a place for serious discussions related to femdom and female led relationships that doesn't focus on BDSM aspects of it.

There are so many little things to talk about in the book. At the 11% mark Key talks about a strong feeling of connectedness in Female Led Relationships. Would you agree with this. At the 10 percent mark he talks about 'Her Way.' He says the husband abdicates controlling the narrative on how things are done and agrees to please his female leader. Not only accomplishing things, but accomplishing them in the fashion she desires. Would most of you agree with these statements. How does it work in your home?

And, another point that Key makes deserves real discussion.  Tell me- do you think women are natural leaders? Is female judgment superior to males? Is it necessary for a wife's judgment to be superior to her husband for her to lead the relationship.

I am sorry to make this comment, but it is true. If you want an example of what happens in a female led relationship when a husband is not properly disciplined look at the I'm Hers blog. In my opinion female discipline is a necessity. Discipline is not the same as punishment, but a system of rules and protocols that provides men with a track  to run on. And given that track men will run hard to please their female ruler.

Love, Kathy

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Back To Basics....

Over the years of doing Femdom 101 we have tried a number of things to broaden its appeal and maintain interest. The blog has a fairly large number of readers, but few of you find the courage to comment. There is a feeling that submissive men find a degree of satisfaction by staying in shadows where they may be seen but not heard.  The idea of the book discussion is to help more of you find the courage to take part in the discussions.

I am so happy that Key Barrett who is the author of Surrender, Submit, and Serve Her has  introduced himself to us. I have enjoyed his comments just as I enjoyed his book. As the title of this series indicates John and I are going thought kind of a renewal of our relationship. Key's book is kind of a basic manual for the couple who is new to the lifestyle. While we are not new in the lifestyle, the book fits in well with our return to basics.

There is nothing in this world that is so important to me as the relationship with my husband. He is not only the rock of my life, he is the love of my life. Someone recently made the comment that the blog should be titled, Femdom 101, a love story. And yes, I agree.

It was at mass this morning that I realized why Key's book had an appeal to me. It is because  the special stories of our lives need to be heard again and again. How many times have we heard the story of our Lord's journey into Jerusalem. How many times have we heard the same liturgy over and over again. Why do we keep going back for the same story. Because it is important. It is a chance for us to renew our faith, and think about the things that really mater in our lives. The book gave us the chance to think about how we live, and what is important to us. Reading the book out loud as a couple helped provide focus.

While I don't mean to equate the book with the gospels, the book helped John and I focus on what is important in our lives. It is our relationship. It is our respect for one another, and especially John's respect for me as his mistress. And, consequently his respect for my authority over his life. While we no longer follow many of the practices of former years, my authority over John's life is about as complete as it can be. He no longer has to ask permission to leave the dinner table, or permission to use the restroom in a restaurant, or permission to speak when one of my mistress friends is present, he still finds comfort in many of these rules. And, as you know in our return to basics we are going back to the practice of using Command Position as a training tool.

But, before going further with this posting I would like to hear more from you about the book.
How many of you have read it. And, has it benefited you and your wife. Has it improved your relationship. Has it helped you to become a better submissive. Has it helped her to become a better mistress. And for those of you who are not in an active femdom relationship, did you enjoy the book and why.

Love, Kathy