Wednesday, February 26, 2020


Thank all of you for contributing to the blog by way of comments. Since the last posting John and I have had several discussions related to what we call Rules of the House. By looking at the various sites John clearly violated the Rules. He understands this. He also understands that his actions caused me pain and anguish. It is important for me to be able to trust John. He is my husband and the love of my life. Too many marriages fail because of a lack of trust. Although John was punished it is my hope that the most effective penance was his understanding of the hurt his actions caused.

In the conversation I asked John if deep down he wanted to be caught looking at those porn sites.
His answer I felt was truthful. He was not sure, he responded. A part of him wanted to be caught and punihsed. Since retirement we have put less effort into our marriage. And, femdom like any other relationship requires a certain amount of effort. What I need is for John to show me his love. What John needs is for me to show him control and authority.  In a real sense John has the need to be kept under my thumb in a way that is difficult for women to understand. This is why, I believe, so many women have an issue with accepting femdom relatisonships. We just don't understand them.

One of my first thoughts was to give John lines to write as part of his punishment. In the past this has been an effective punishment in that he absolutely hates lines. On the other hand I wanted something more constrcutive. Becky suggested something along the lines of an essay. She told me that an essay has worked for her. She sat her husband down in a quite room with a paper and pen.
Her instructions to him were simple. 'Write about what happened and why', she told him. Becky told me that the assignment worked out better than she thought it would. Her husband put a lot of effort into the assignment. It gave her a better understanding of his thought process as well as his needs.
She then used the essay as a basis of their discussion.

Men often complain that they have most difficult time understanding what women want. By the same token women have a difficult time understanding their men. It becomes especially difficult with submissive men. Yes, of course, they need control, but how much control? How much freedom should you allow them? Should an older daughter ever be put in charge of them?  This question has again come to me in an email. And, most critical is about trust. How much should you trust a man to be on his best behavior. And, as a mistress wife what is in the relationship for me. 'I want to be his wife, not his mother', is the comment that routinely comes into my email box.

Without going into detail John poured his heart out into the essay. Many of the comment were quite close to the mark. In a sense he felt that I no longer cared about being his mistress. He felt lost. He felt as though his service to me has been taken for granted. 'I no longer cared if the housekeeping was not properly done', he wrote. There were other things, but in essence he felt neglected. Can any of you identify with this? This is an important issue is femdom relationships that needs to be addressed.

Love you all reading my blog. Love you even more for sharing.


Tuesday, February 11, 2020


This far into the new year it is time to close out the Christmas series. It is my hope that all of you found it enjoyable, interesting, and most of all  helpful in your relationships. Above all else Femdom 101 is a relationship blog.  On occasion this is something that some of the readers fail to recognize. As one of my favorite authors has written words have meaning. Use of the right words can bring us together just as the wrong words serve to separate us. When talking with your spouse or partner think carefully before saying things. Just as a big steak needs to be carefully chewed and digested words deserve the same type of respect. The wrong words can be most damaging to a relationship. This is not an advice blog, but if it were the advice from Mistress would be to carefully select your words and chew on them a bit before letting them come our. Also, for the men my advice is to learn to listen.  As your mistress speaks think about what she is  really trying to tell you.

One of the things that I treasure most with Becky is our long conversations. After one of these conversations Becky paid me a compliment that sent my ego into high gear. 'Mom', she said, 'you are a mother, a sister and a friend all rolled up into one person. I was delighted. The compliment made me feel good. If not for our close relationship it is doubtful that she would ever have become a mistress to her husband. I would like to think she learned some things from me, but the truth is she has taught me much. And, as a younger wife and mother she is more open to fresh ideas.

It was not too long ago that Becky made a comment about her husband. 'He is a good man she told me, but he is still a man; and as such needs a certain amount of supervision'. 'Yes, I responded, as I have much of the same belief. As most of you have surmised John has not been punished in quite a long time. By enlarge our relationship works on a day to day basis, and John has become the most loving, obedient submissive husband  any woman could hope to have in her life. Yet, as Becky said to me, he is still a man and as a man requires a certain degree of supervision. My advice to the women is no matter how comfortable you are in a relationship always remember a man is still a man and a certain amount of supervision is necessary.

It had been quite some time since I last checked on John's computer history. For whatever reason I decided to take a surprise look in the days after Christmas. It was after John delivered my morning coffee that I instructed him to bring me his computer. By the surprised look on his face I could tell something was wrong.  Yes, as you may have guessed his history file showed sites that were not on his approved list. Yes, I was angry.  I was angry with him, but also mad at myself for forgetting one of the basis tenants of married life.  As Becky says to me he may be a wonderful man, but he is still a man, and as such supervision is required.

For the last several weeks we have been working through the computer issue. John broke my trust.  He disappointed me. Yet, he is still the man whom I love. As his mistress it is my duty to handle the situation as best I can.

Love you all for reading. Love you for even more for sharing.


Friday, January 10, 2020


Thinking back on things it is interesting to consider the little bits of information you remember from a conversation that happened years ago. Thinking about that bedroom confrontation with Tara's husband  I remember his sweet smile, the gentleness of his words, and the sharpness of his curtsy.
Laying in bed with only a thin sheet for cover I knew instantly that my modesty was safe with this man. Why, I didn't know exactly. I only knew that it was a pleasure having him there with me for company. John was the only man I had ever truly loved, but at that moment in time we were separated. The sound of a man's voice in my bed room was somehow very welcoming. In a strange way his presence filled kind of an empty place in my being.

Over the next few weeks there were opportunities for additional encounters with both Tara and her husband. He had a full time job working at a local bank, but his real love was working in the studio.
He understood the importance of staying out of site from the male customers. He often helped the girls with their clothes. Most of the girls were from a couple of local colleges. They had a way of recruiting one another. It was an easy way for a college girl to earn a little extra money. Some times they would come to the studio directly from class wearing jeans and tennis shoes. They would then change into a skirt, a nice blouse, nylons and heels and fix make up.

One of the challenges for Tara's husband was helping with their hair. Several of the girls were from a minority university, and their hair styles were quite different from the kind he had learned to work with. For her part Tara loved having the minority mistresses in the studio. They often made the best mistresses she once told me. In her words they were less inhibited than the white girls. She also felt that most of these minority girls would one day become mistress wives. Those of you who have read
the older deleted parts of the blog know that John fell head over heels for one of these girls. He became a personal houseboy for her and her room mate. Learning of this episode was a deep wound that took several years to heal, but heal it did.

Thinking about things after John's return caused me to realize that Tara's husband had a lot in common with my husband. Both John and Tara's husband enjoyed house work. They both had what can be called a natural desire to please. Like Tara's husband John is perfectly willing to wait on the women in his life. He has the patience to wait for hours in a café while mistress shops or has dinner with the girls. Both men take pride in their service. Both men fervently believe that everything feminine is superior to anything that is masculine. In their mind and soul they worship what can be referred to as the divine feminine. As a woman not much of this makes sense to me. Yet, as a mistress I have learned to appreciate being placed on a pedestal by the man in my life. It is my hope that each of you learn to place the lady in your life on a very singular pedestal.

What I do believe is that submissive men are very special. They are easy to love. They want to please and with the right type of discipline make wonderful husbands and fathers. Yes, of course, John strayed, but it was only because he didn't have the rite type of discipline in his life. Tara's husband had the rite type of discipline and lived a life that was completely under her control. For the submissive husband accepting female control is a sign of maturity.

Love you for reading.


Wednesday, January 8, 2020


Sometimes I wonder if many of your are tired of reading a blog by a semi elderly ladies about her experiences. Then there is the comment such as the one from JJ that places me in the mood to share.
And, really, sharing is what this blog is all about. Femdom is about love and caring. No man should be ashamed of admitting that he is submissive to a woman. For starters there are many of you. And, what I suspect is that your submissive nature is a sweet trait that is constantly searching for outward expression. Many of you would be so much happier to be leashed and collared by a lady who loves you and wants nothing more than to make you hers. For many of you there is a special lady whom you want to share the secret of your being with but can't quite find the courage.

In the last posting we talked a little about Tara's husband. On that evening when he stood silently behind the sitting area for what seemed like an eternity I felt sorry for him. The next morning he knocked gently on my bedroom door. When I responded with a sleepy yes he replied with a gentle voice saying it was time for me to rise and shine, and that he had fresh coffee and orange juice for me. While not in the habit of allowing strange men into by bedroom I needed the coffee. Yes, come in I told him. He welcomed me with a big smile and a most gentle curtsy. The clients in the studio would often curtsy, but there curtseys were usually big and ostentatious designed to attract attention to themselves. Tara's husband's curtsy was different. It was quick and well practiced with a slight bend of the knee. Not enough of a bend where it would attract attention in a crowded venue.
 Just enough to show respect.

Whiled I no longer remember his exact words his smile made me feel comfortable and put me completely at ease. "May I open the curtains', he asked. 'What may I bring you for breakfast', he asked. We shared some light conversation such as where is Tara this morning. 'Mistress is sleeping late', he replied. Interesting I thought in that he refers to his wife as mistress. After a few minutes I was glad to get rid of him. I had not come to the studio prepared to spend the night. I was hiding under the covers wearing only my bra and panties. He picked up my discarded skirt and blouse from the chair and asked if he could touch them up with the iron. Later I learned that some of the working girls in the studio was quite use to dressing and undressing with his help. On his days off from work he would often run errands for them as well as wash some of their clothes.

It was several weeks later and after a few conversations with Tara that I came to realization of just how happy this man was to live as her husband and as her slave. In Tara's words he was trained to 'wait on' and 'wait for' women, and he loved the world in which he lived. Tara believed that most men lacked self discipline, and it was up to women to instill a sense of it in them. A part of his training was simply learning to wait on her. He waited on her hand and foot. And, as he did while we were watching the movie, he was expected to wait for her. Spending hours waiting was a way for submissive men to show proper resect toward women. 'Don't they hate that', I once asked.
'Yes, sometimes', she replied, 'but it gives them an opportunity to show what good slaves they are' she replied with a smile.

What I would like each of you to do is think about this posting. Think about how it might relate to you and your mistress or wife. Think about how you would feel to be John waiting hours for his daughter to finish dinner with friends. How would you feel to stand respectfully at attention while your wife has cocktails or visits with other mistress wives. Let me know your thoughts.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Comment Moderation

As an experiment I turned off Comment Moderation the other day. It was my hope that by turning Moderation off it would make it easier for everyone to discuss topics in an intelligent manner.
Unfortunately, it wasn't long before a comment appeared that was totally inappropriate with gross language. Femdom is not an a sex blog nor is considered adult only. While I do appreciate comments please do not use language you would not use with your mother or sister.

Monday, January 6, 2020


Every so often there is a comment that causes me to feel special. This morning is was the comment from JJ. Thank you sweetheart for bringing a little more sunshine into my day, Yes, it was sweet of you to think of me on this Monday morning. It was like flowers for the soul. Love you, Kathy

Sunday, January 5, 2020


Good morning to all of you. Christmas is a special time for both John and I. Not only does it give us the chance to reconnect with our children and grandchildren, it is a time to recompose ourselves. It is a time to think about the spiritual nature of our lives, our relationship with the creator and feelings for each other. Being a mistress to a man as well as a wife creates a special set of challenges. It is important for a man to know that his wife loves him. It is important for him to know that she supports him and provides him with a type of framework for his life. Likewise, as a mistress it is important for him to understand that she is the boss and that her word is law to him.

In a recent comment one gentlemen asked me about the event last summer in which Becky gave John  money for dinner. He wanted to know who told me about the money exchange. The answer was John. That evening before bed we talked about the experience in terms of what it meant for him to be
Becky's chuffer for the evening. He felt bad about taking her money, and for a few seconds resisted her efforts to give it to him. However, he remembered instructions that he was under her authority  and understood that the proper response was a simple thank you ma'am. In that discussion we went on to talk about Becky. In a synopsis of John's words he told me that Becky is such a good mistress because she understands men. She gives David what he needs as a wife, but she also understands the importance of being strict with him. She gives him the discipline he needs as well as punishment when he misbehaves. And, according to John men do misbehave form time to time. There is a bit of children in them that can come out if the wife is not paying sufficient attention.

Thinking about John's response I came to the realization that he was correct about Becky. In her personal life she has managed to bridge the gap between wife and mistress in a way that makes David both her loving husband and devoted slave. And, for the submissive man this is his most natural place in life. It is the place where he can find true contentment and happiness in a way that few others can understand. In many ways she reminds me of Tara. From earlier postings some of you may recall that Tara's husband lived as her slave. Tara told me that she violated the first rule of being a professional mistress-'never fall in love with a client'. In our group sessions we often talked about the importance of balancing the roles of wife and mistress. The general agreement was that it was difficult juggling the dual roles, and that mistakes were very easy to make .

My introduction to Tara's husband came at a late night get together while the studio was closed. It was a rainy night with bad storms. Tara invited a few of us to stay with her and her husband for a chick flick that was then popular with the girls. My anticipation was that her husband would be joining us on the couch. Instead, he busied himself serving wine and light refreshments. When the service was complete he took up a position standing a few feet behind the sitting area. 'Isn't your husband going to join us', I asked. 'Yes, but only as a server', Tara responded. Her husband remained standing silently in a rather still position for the entire movie. He moved only when one of the girls needed something such as a refill of their glass of wine or to transport a used plate back to the kitchen. From my point of view it was somewhat strange to see a grown man acting so attentive to a group of women for so long. My thought was that Tara should at least allow him to sit for a few minutes, but that was not in Tara's plans for her guy. Indeed, I felt sorry for him.

Instead of driving back that night Tara invited me to stay in her spare bedroom. In the morning her husband brought me a lovely breakfast tray complete with coffee and a pretty flower. In case I wonted to take a shower he delivered a set of fresh towels to the bathroom. It was such a nice experience to be served and pampered by a man. The guest bathroom was spotlessly clean. While I did not truly understand the full nature of their relationship it was quite obvious that having a well trained disciplined man as a husband had its distinct advantages.

Love you for reading. Love you for sharing.