Friday, December 19, 2014

The Season

All of you know Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, yet there is something special for me about the Christmas season. For one thing work slows down. Those of you whose job responsibilities involve traveling may understand better what I am talking about. Both John and I are off of work until after the new years holiday. It is really a nice time for us to be together, to watch a movie, and visit with family and friends. Unfortunately, for many young people, work responsibilities have a way of claiming too much of their lives.

Our daughter, Becky, not only has a full time job, but has two small children to take care of.
Our son-in-law is good as a helper, but still the primary responsibility for child raising, for making baby siting arrangements falls on the mom. In femdom households some of this is changing. Men are now accustomed to carrying diaper bags, and be told to take the children during meal time. At Thanksgiving dinner David was very good with helping. A couple of their guest had young children. Becky gave him the responsibility of setting up a little nursery so that the moms could eat without being interrupted.

Like with most couples David and Becky each have their own computer. This past weekend Becky had David move his computer to the family room so that it would be in a position where she could always peak in on what he was doing. In the past she had hesitated on doing this. She was not sure how he would react. She told me that he was fine with it. Men, those who show submissive traits, want to know that their lady is somehow controlling them. Men want to have to ask permission to spend money. They want to ask permission to go out on a boys night out, or watch a sports match with friends. This need for constant female control is difficult for most women to understand.

When I worked at the studio there was no such thing as male chastity devices. Now, looking at the blogs it seems they are every where. They are everywhere because men want to wear them. I'm Hers, on his blog, suggested that he didn't always have the strength to resist the temptations of an attractive woman. The device, he said, was a way of insuring his fidelity to mistress when they were separated.
This may be, but reading between the lines, what I believe he wanted most was the actual feel of control that the device provided.

One of the concepts that Becky has difficulty understanding is that truly submissive men need to feel the authority of their mistress at all times. The chastity device is a simple way of extending that authority when they are apart. Someone wrote that these devices are escapable. Yes, they may be, but once a man removes a locked device, it is usually impossible to put back on without the key. Any locked man, who removes a device, knows he will have hell to pay when his mistress checks on him.

One of the things about the season is that there are more office parties, more drinking, and more opportunities for men to find trouble. Also, men and women in the work place are closer than they have been at any other time in history. A few months back a middle age woman wrote to me about a situation with her husband. He is a CPA who goes out of town to perform audit work. He often travels with an associate who is young and cute. They are on the expense account. They go to restaurants, and stay in the same hotel. He is the perfect example of a man who should be kept locked, but how do you do that with airport security? I didn't have an answer for her.

What I am trying to say is that in the modern world there are far too many temptations. The truth is that most men, even good ones, simply do not have the inner strength to resist the temptation of an attractive female. The Christmas season with all of its joys is not without opportunities for men to stray. If your are a wife who monitors a man's expenses, Christmas is a time to pay a little more attention. If you guy says he needs to go to a client party make sure he comes home immediately after it is over. As joyous as the season it is a time when men will take advantage of a little extra freedom.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, December 18, 2014

A Love Story

Thank all of you for the comments.

I was especially pleased that several of you remembered to thank Mistress Sandra for her contribution without having to be told.

The comment by Mistress Sandra is well worth reading two or three times. One of the things holding women back is fear of the unknown. Another thing is guilt. Women feel guilty about taking the lead in their relationships. Wives feel guilty about having a man serve them. The one thing I would add to Mistress Sandra's comment is that for men to be all they can be, they need a system of rules and regulations that govern their life. In addition to guidance men need discipline. Make no mistake about it, the type of discipline men need is the type that flows from the hand of the female.

Men not only want a female authority figure in their lives they crave it. The man who understands his need for loving female authority, the new age male, is far happier and content with life than most men. Unfortunately, it takes a great deal of maturity for men to understand this. It also takes maturity for women to understand. Perhaps that is why most femdom marriages are more successful the second time around.

What I would like most of you to understand from this post is that more than anything else Femdom 101 is a love story. Like most love stories it is not perfect. Marriages may be made in heaven, but they are lived on earth. As a mistress wife I have the upper most respect for the many women who are willing to try femdom as a governing part of their life.

Love you all for reading.  Love you for sharing and being part of the Femdom 101 community.


Monday, December 15, 2014

Thouthts On A Monday Morning

One of the reasons the early blog posting are no longer displayed is that John and I are longer the same couple we were five or ten years ago. As a couple our relationship has developed and matured.
In most ways it has been for the best. John has learned to accept himself, without gilt, as a submissive man who needs female authority in his life. For my part I have learned to understand some part of the mental package that makes up John's submissive nature, but certainly not all of it. There are parts of his submissive side I may never understand, but have learned to accept. Each of us are distinct individuals with our own needs and desires.

One of the things I have come to realize it that the majority of male/female relationships are to some extent driven by the woman. It is in man's nature to want to please the lady in his life. If she is happy the entire family is happy. In femdom the subliminal nature of these relationships is taken to a new level. In femdom there is a common, open acknowledgement  that the husband  is there to serve, and  take orders. In true femdom relationships everyone knows who wears the pants.

When John first came home, allowed back into our house and hearth, the rule was no talking about Tara and company. What I have found is that over the years I have wanted to hear more about John's experiences in the studio. Some of it may have been hurtful. And yes, there was a time when there was jealousy. And yes, I had to deal with the fact that John had feeling not only for Tara, but for some of the girls who worked at the studio. He was a houseboy for several years. I am not bringing all of this up to reopen old wounds, but to show to everyone that the hurt is over. And, in a way to show the power of women over vulnerable men. In a sense Tara enslaved my husband. John did not have the strength to resist her temptations. Not only did he work for her, but paid for the privilege.

In some ways the experience with Tara may have been a positive. John learned a great deal about himself while cleaning toilets, and spending countless hours slaving away for his mistress. And make no mistake about it, as a houseboy in the studio there was real work to be done. Much of it was cleaning, running errands and such; and much of it was personal service. Once or twice, while I  worked at the studio, Tara invited a few of us to watch a late night movie. Either her husband, or the on duty house boy had the job of standing behind us while we watched. John was one the house boys whose duty it was to just stand and wait while the women watched a movie or had a nice dinner in a restaurant.

As a houseboy  John learned discipline. He learned the value of obedience. He learned that his wants and needs came secondary to the ladies. He learned that he was there for the purpose of 'waiting for' and 'waiting on' the women. John told me that being picked to serve Tara or one of the ladies made him proud. I asked him once, 'you really liked just standing there while the girls talked and watched movies?' 'Yes' he responded. 'You were always so happy when they told you to fetch something for them, or when they finally came out of the restaurant that it made the whole experience worthwhile'.

Once, I asked John what was the worst punishment that any of the houseboys ever received. If two of the houseboys were caught arguing or talking to each other they were usually punished together. Tara would lock a very short leash between their collars so that their bodies would touch, and send them naked to the garden to work side by side. After an hour or so of sweating in the hot sun she would have them shower together with each of them responsible for washing the other head to toe. It was only after the two towel dried each other that they were released  from the tether holding them together. In this way they learned to work in an environment that was totally controlled by women. For a moment or two after hearing this story I wanted to know if John had ever been punished in this manner. Then I decided that I really didn't want to know.

One of the other things john  learned was to take his male ego and bottle it up. In the studio men did not speak unless spoken to. In the company of women John is still resistant to speaking until a lady first speaks to him. For several years this was part of his training. John still says yes ma'am to women and girls of almost any age. It was not only the way he was taught, but it is part of his natural deference to the female gender. Tara taught him that it was ok to be respectful and obedient to women. Both John and I are products of Tara's training academy. John learned from the bottom. I learned from the top.

What I have learned about myself is that I enjoy being in the presence of men who are naturally submissive, who want to please me, and to some extent put me up on their personal pedestal. It is not that I am some type of a bitch, but yes, I like being catered to. It is not that I believe women are morally or naturally superior to men, but it is a pleasure to have them at my beck and call. And yes, I enjoy training my husband to please me. It is my belief that most men need some of the training that Tara provided.  And  another yes, I hope that my daughter eventually reaches the point where she can enjoy owning a man without feeling guilty about it. In a sense it is my hope that  true femdom becomes family friendly to the point where we can openly talk about it.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Follow up

A special thank you to all of those who were kind enough to share, to make comments on the last posting.

One of the things men never seem to catch on to is how difficult it is for us to become the authority person is their life. We expect to be the authority person for our children, but not our husbands.
Being the authority person in a relationship comes with a host of responsibilities. Always being the decision maker is not easy. Being responsible for discipline and punishment of another adult is a challenge. As a wife who has gone through much of the learning process, I applaud any lady who has the courage to answer the call. The truth is that none of us is ever going to be the perfect mistress. Few of us will ever truly understand a husband's need for female authority.

The preceding post was originally written in early 2008 which was approximately five years into the  femdom part of our relationship. Before all of this happened, I never even dreamed that my husband had a desire to dress up in women's clothing. I never suspected that he needed to have a mistress, a woman who bossed him around. It all happened at a time when john and I were going through an adjustment period. When your children are young you think they will always be there. Then one day they are off in college, and you realize a big part of your life is no longer with you.

John had always been submissive. For a long time he hid those feelings from me, from the world, and even from himself. He was too busy making a living for us, and being a father to our children. With the children away there was an emptiness in both of our lives. We both thought we had a good marriage, but the truth is there was an emptiness. It had been there for a long time, but with the busy lives of being parents, it was  something we had little time to notice.

As angry as I was with John for having a relationship with a dominatrix, I was angry with my self.
There were feelings of guilt. There were feelings that I was inadequate as a wife. John's dominatrix told me that men came to her because they needed something they couldn't get at home. Some men, she told me, just needed a safe place to explore their submissive side. Some men, like my baby, needed a full time mistress in their life. She identified John as one of the most submissive men who had ever come to her studio. She also told me that he was of the sweetest men she had ever known.
She described him as extremely obedient, wanting to please, and a joy to have. That is one of the reasons she allowed him to become a regular house boy at the studio.Yes, it seems strange, but being allowed to clean Tara's toilets was considered a privilege.

In a strange way, as Tara described John to me, I was proud that this wonderful man was my husband. Then, I though,  who is this woman that knows my husband better than me? Why is it that John would open him self up to this woman instead of me? Didn't he trust me enough to tell me everything? There was anger, there was guilt, there were so many feeling running around in my head that it is not possible to describe half of them.

It was very difficult for me to learn that my husband had this other side of his personality. In a sense he was not the man I though I knew. And yes, I was upset. One of the statements Tara often made was that at least he is not an ax murderer. It took me time to understand what she meant. Over several weeks I began to realize there are a lot worst things then having a man who is submissive. There are a lot worst things than a having a husband whose purpose in life is to obey and please. This is something my daughter is now beginning to understand. It is ashamed that so many people don't seem to understand this until the second marriage?

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Feeling of Betrayal

Many of you have asked about how it all got started. The earlier post going back to 2007 are no longer available. John and I had been married for many years. We had raised a family together.
As far as I knew John was happy, content with life, and as much as possible was still in love with me.
Our relationship was a typical marriage of equals, but I did most of the housework including laundry.

There was a day that I needed a little extra laundry to fill out the load. On this day John had happened to leave his gym bag at home. Thinking that I might find the dirty laundry to fill out the washer, I opened the bag. Remerging through the contents I discovered a pair of women's panties.

That evening, as he came home from work, I confronted John about the panties. My thought at that time was that he was having an affair. When John saw the panties in my hand he turned a bright shade of red. It was not only the sight of the panties, but the angry look on my face. The look of anger on my face was a clear indication that this confrontation was not going to end without a confession of some type.

At some point in the conversation John told me he was not having an affair. Holding the panties up in the air like a battle flat, I said something like 'tell me about these'. The blood rushed to his head. He was embarrassed. At that moment he was so emotional that he had trouble standing. In some type of half broken sentence John told me that the panties were his-that he wore them. I didn't believe him. Then there was some type of a statement to the effect that she made him wear them. 'She', I may have said.

It was at that point in the conversation that John admitted to me that he had been seeing a dominatrix.
It was the dominatrix who 'required' him to wear panties on certain days of the week. In a general type of a way I was not in a mood to talk about things in a rational way. I still didn't believe that the panties were his. It was some time later that I looked at the label on the panties, and realized they were of a rather large size. If John was having an affair, the lady in question must have been a huge woman.

Below is the original posting from early 2008.

When John admitted to having visited a dominatrix, I felt totally betrayed. I felt that the relationship with my husband had been violated. How could he do this? His first reaction made me even angrier. He defended himself by saying it was not like seeing a prostitute. He did not have sex with that women. Where have we heard that line before? When he told me that, I just exploded, and told him to leave the house. If he couldn't understand why I was so angry, I didn't want him anywhere around. He just couldn't understand that I was angry with him for having a relationship with another women.

When John left the house he he went to stay with his sister. She was very curious, but just assumed we had a bad fight about something or other. John's sister has been one of my best friends for many years. We were in the same dormitory in college. She is the one that introduced me to John. We share a lot, but I was not in a mood to tell her what had happened. At that point in time I wasn't really sure what had happened myself, except that I didn't want John in my bed or in my house.

Over the next few days John called the house every evening asking for a chance to talk. I told him that I just didn't want him in the house. A week later we agreed to meet at a nearby coffee shop. I listened to what he had to say. He talked about his need to submit to a strong women, and a little bit about his cross dressing fantasies. I told him he was pervert, and I was not really interested in what he had to say. The truth is that I was angry at John, but I never stooped loving him. That evening I went home and got on the internet. I think I started by googling 'submissive man'. The porn that came up was terrible, but I worked my way through a lot of trash to find some really good information on dominance and submission. The thing that impressed me was the amount of information. It occurred to me that maybe there are a lot of submissive men in the world. If so, may be my little guy was not such a freak of nature as originally thought. Over the next several days, I downloaded some books, looked at magazines, and even got on a couple of on line forums. It was interesting. It was like uncovering a husband that I never really knew I had.  

After thinking about everything that had happened, I could accept the idea that John was submissive. As a Christan I have always had the feeling that God made us the way he wanted us to be. I have always felt that we should accept people the way they were if it did not harm anyone else. When I was younger, a male cousin announced to the world that he was gay. Many members of his extended family wanted nothing more to do with him. As a liberal collage student I went to his defense. I told my parents that God is the one that made him the way he was, and it was up to us to accept that. Today, being gay is no bid deal, but that many years ago.

Anyway, the experience with my cousin made me think about John. If I could accept a cousin that was gay, what was wrong with accepting a husband that was submissive. I thought maybe I can accept this submissive business, but I can not accept a husband paying money to see some one that is almost the same as a prostitute. In my eyes this dominatrix was like a prostitute.

I needed to understand this. Who was this women that had a relationship with my husband for three years? What was her hold on my husband? Why was he willing to pay her money?

I called John, and told him that I wanted her name and phone number.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Post Thanksgiving Days Thoughts

There have been so many good things happening in my life that one holiday was not enough to be thankful for all of them. For one thing my pet is no longer traveling.  The business environment he works in has slowed. There are fewer opportunities for his firm in the European market place. This may not be good for our personal finances, but it does mean John is spending more time with me.

Like any mom I tend to worry about our children. With both of our children living in other cities, John and I must travel to see them.  This Thanksgiving was spent with Becky's family. Becky and her husband have given us two grandchildren. Both of them are beautiful and smart. And yes, like almost any grandmother I like to brag about them. It is also time for me to brag about David, our son-in-law.

Over the last couple of years Becky and David have been struggling with the idea of having more of a femdom relationship. Although Becky understands and accepts the way her father and I live, femdom is not something she has ever wanted. She, like most women believes in the idea of equality within the marriage. Also, like many women when confronted with the prospect of having a submissive husband, have made adjustments to please him.

With Thanksgiving day dinner at her home Becky decided that it was an excellent time to test her husband. David had been wanting to do more things around the home with the idea of being something of a service submissive. Some of this has worked. There have been ups and downs, but Thanksgiving day proved to be a big upper for both of them.

In the days leading up to Thanksgiving Becky had given David orders to clean the entire house from top to bottom. This he did. The house was beautiful, spotless, and decorated for the holiday. Becky tells me that David did most of work including the buying of decorations. Most men don't like to decorate, but David not only enjoyed it, but took ownership of the results. And yes, as people arrived for dinner, including David's parents and siblings, the compliments went to Becky.

As the compliments came in it made me think of the really excellent comment made by 'Ur Student' on the blog. If you have not read the comment, it is worth finding and reading. A pleasure of his is  standing in the shadows so that his wife can enjoy the spotlight. And yes, just as mentioned in the comment, the family members all complimented Becky for the work that David performed.

On Thanksgiving day Becky took pride in ownership. Ownership not only of a beautiful home, but ownership of a very sweet and loving submissive man. In so many ways we were happy for her. In a sense femdom 'clicked' in a way that had never before happened.

That evening late, after all of the guest had departed, John and David were busying themselves with the final clean up. As we sat there discussing the day Becky gave David a very sweet smile. 'Let me go help them' she said to me. 'No' I said 'let them experience the full joy of serving us. In fact", I said "why don't you have David make a fresh cup of coffee.". I smiled at Becky. 'It would give us something to drink while we watch them work". I told her. We both did a little chuckle. 'What's so funny" David shouted over the noise of the dishwasher. "Nothing sweetie' Becky responded,  'make mom and I a fresh pot of coffee and refill our cups when it is ready".

'Yes mistress', David responded with a smile of his own.

Love, Kathy

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Slight Shiver

I was  not going to post this morning, but the comment by anonymous made me realize that something is missing from the blog. Many men want a femdom relationship of some type. Yet, most men are afraid of the realization that the wife may actually test them in real life. The test may seem small to others. The test may not seem to mean much to some, but to the male submissive the slightest test can be a challenge.

Femdom is about a different way of loving and living. It is different from the social norm. When a couple enters any type of femdom relationships they are breaking social, cultural mores of many types. In most societies it is common for the wife to serve her husband. In femdom service becomes more of a male responsibility. It is quite acceptable for the women to clean up after family gathering while the men watch the game. In a femdom home the men may not do it all, but they will at least help. In our home it is now common for the men to do the clean up while the women talk and have coffee.

In our home john takes pride in serving. It would be fair to say that John would be slightly embarrassed if I or any female quest were involved in picking up dishes after meals. For John this is considered men's work, and he is proud to have the privilege of doing it. From our son-in-law Becky has received a bit of a mixed message. This Thanksgiving Becky is hosting John and I along with David's parents and sister. While Becky will do the cooking, she has informed David that he will be responsible for serving, picking up, and cleaning. This, I guess, will be the first time he will be serving, and openly taking directions in front of his family.

Within the past year or two Becky has become more assertive in her interactions with David as well as her father. The signal for John to refill a glass, a coffee cup or what ever has always been a touch of the finger toward the top of the glass. Until last year I was the only one giving John that discrete hand signal. Than one day John noticed Becky doing the same. She picked it up form me. As I understood it there was something of a sliver up his spine as John realized his daughter was now giving him request  for service.

Any time we push the envelope back. Any time we pull a leaf off the onion in social relationships there is a little bit of anxiety. There is a little bit of apprehension. John has it, and at times so do I.
Yet, I know that my husband is submissive and serving is part of what makes us both happy.
What I am saying is that there are times when we need to push. There are times when we need to test the waters with new ideas. Femdom is a brave new world for most people. For many men, as well as women, it is a wonderful way to live. In most cases it is our fear of the unknown that is holding us back.

Love, Kathy