Friday, October 31, 2014

Self Discovery and Acceptance Continued

On that first visit to the studio Tara told me that it was no coincidence that most of her house boys were older men. These older men she told me generally made the best servants. These older boys, as she called them came ready and willing to work. With the younger ones it was often about them. They were better playing at serving than really serving. The younger ones would come and go.
The older ones like my John were more reliable. It was her feeling that the older boys understood better who they were as people. They understood better the importance of properly serving. They were much more appreciative of having the opportunity to serve women than the younger males.

As I sat there listing to Tara that day I though to myself why would these men be appreciative of the opportunity to serve women. In my experience the only time men were willing to serve me was when they wanted something. There was a young man in college who would sometimes wash my car. I knew what he wanted, but I was not really interested in him. The other thing about Tara was understanding her choice of words. Men were usually referred to as males and the singular usually came out as boy. The sixty year old man who served our wine was a boy, and addressed as such by Tara. Yet, form what I could see he didn't seem to take offense.

One of the interesting things Tara told me was that males (men) often have a difficult time of accepting them selves as submissive. Her own husband was one of these males. He came to her as a client. He had self doubts about his orientation. He was never happy in relationships with women. He always wanted something more. She spent a lot of time with him. As she expressed to me she spent more time with him than she could possibly bill for. At some point in their relationship a connection was made that went beyond the typical dominatrix client boundaries.

One of the things I have learned in life is that men can be extremely vulnerable when they are in the self discovery phase. When they are looking for something-as my John-it is very easy for a woman to take advantage of them. This is part of why a wife should always know what her husband is doing and who he is doing it with. It is impossible to tell when a man has that certain itch, that certain need that makes him want to jump the fence and run free. In my opinion men generally do better when they know that their behavior is being closely monitored. What I am talking about are phones, travel, credit cards, and spending money of all kinds. There is nothing wrong with making surprise checks of his wallet, his car, and even places like tool boxes. What I have found works best is having him unpack the car, the tool box, or whatever in front of you. When he passes inspection have him put everything back into place.

What I tell my daughter is that monitoring a husband in this way is not being cruel. In the long run doing this type of monitoring is best for both her, him and the children. A part of  my discovery process was learning that men want to know that you are watching them. They want to know that you, as their wife and mistress, have absolute control over them. In the extended femdom family men want to see the women as leaders. In the privacy of our home John appreciates it when Becky will sometimes gives him instructions or has him perform a simple service for her. A part of John's self discovery was learning that he is proud of having a daughter who is not afraid of giving orders to men. He wants, more than she wants, to see her has a leader and head of her house hold.

When Becky was a young high school girl, before driving, John would take her and friends to school dances and movies. Becky never had a problem getting daddy to take them somewhere after the movie for a soda or whatever. He would usually wait for them in the car. He wouldn't do this for our son, but he would for Becky. Were you submissive to Becky I once asked. ' May be- in some ways' John responded. A part of John's self discovery was learning to understand why he would do things for one of our children, but not the other. We always teased that daddy's little girl could have her way with him, but we didn't really understand how true it was or why.

A part of my self discovery was learning to understand that there is nothing wrong with the typical male need for female authority and control. For men this is a completely natural, healthy need.
It is in my opinion it is a deep psychological need. It is more than a fetish. It becomes unhealthy only when  suppressed. One of the things that Becky sees is the number of  friends who have been divorced. She sees the children who are a product of these broken marriages. There are times when she wonders if more of a femdom relationship would have kept them together.There are men who are practically begging their wives for domestic discipline.

I would like each of you who read Femdom 101 to tell me what you think of this posting. How many of you have gone through a period of self discover? How many of you are unhappy in relationships because of a lack of domestic discipline? How many of you are in the closet? How many of you have the courage to say I am a submissive man to another person?

Love, Kathy

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Self Discovery and Self Acceptance

A friend once told me that for her the journey was often more worthwhile than the destination. In a way I believe life is that way. I was very touched by the email from brian. It took a great deal of courage for him to open up to his girlfriend. Before looking for acceptance from others it is important that we learn to accept our selves for whom we are. John remembers the first time he opened up to another person about being submissive. It was for him a liberating moment in his life. Unfortunately for our relationship his liberating moment happened with a dominatrix.

I once asked John what it was he liked the most about working as a house boy in Tara's studio. For the first time in his life he could be open about who he really was as a person. In a way the studio experience gave John the freedom to be the person he truly was. In the studio there was no need to put on any type of a macho image or artificial face. Women and men came into the studio and immediately saw him what who he was, a submissive who was there to serve. There were no questions asked. Orders were given to him in a simple direct way, and his only job was to obey.

On my meeting with Tara I told her I was upset to learn that my husband was submissive. I always remember her response. It went something like 'at least he is not an ax murderer'. It took me sometime to truly understand her meaning. That evening driving home I began to have a little bit of an idea of what she meant. I remembered my defense of a cousin coming out about being gay.
It is who he is, there is nothing wrong with that I told the family. If I could accept a cousin who was gay, why couldn't I accept a husband who was submissive?

In the studio that day there was at least two house boys working. While neither of them were elderly, both of them were much older than Tara. From my estimation they were each in their late fifties or  sixties, but here they were  bowing, scraping, and taking orders from this twenty something year old girl. Tara told me that they really should be serving their wives, but in each case they were afraid to open up to them. Why, fear of not being accepted, rejection, and all the baggage that comes with being just a little bit out of the ordinary.

It was in that visit she asked if I would like to spend some time working in the studio. There would be no pay she told me. It would be something of an internship, but she said I would learn a great deal about men. In time she told me I might come to understand better what motivated John. She also told me that there are a lot worst things in life than having a husband who is submissive. She also told me that in her opinion John was a very good man, a sweet man, who needed something in life that he couldn't get at home.

In a way the statement about not being able to get what he needed at home put me on something of a guilt trip. On that first visit I understood that Tara was not a monster. Tara was not a woman who chased married men, or a home wrecker. She was there to make money, but she also enjoyed her work. Her own husband was submissive-a slave she called him-who had once been a client. What made me feel extremely uncomfortable was that this strange women, this dominatrix, knew my husband better than I did.

That meeting with Tara was the start of my journey into self acceptance. John, she told me, had already accepted himself as something of a submissive. That, she told me is probably why he came out to me when I discovered the panties in his gym bag. It was probably not the best time she told me, but it was probably the best he could do. Like most men, she told me, John was dreadfully afraid of telling his darkest secret to his wife. A hired dominatrix is much easier to talk with.

Aside from understanding the difference between a dominatrix and a mistress wife it took a long time for me to accept my self as a mistress to my man. Like brain's girlfriend I always thought of John and I as equals in life. It is not that we are no longer equals, but that we have different roles. My role is that of a mistress who gives orders. John's role is that of a submissive who is there to serve and obey.
It took a long time, several years, but eventually we both learned to be happy in our changed relationship.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Single Rose/ A Just Reward

Thank all of you for the great comments. For me it is the comments that make the blog interesting.
My only regret is that with everything happening in my life there has not been the time to properly address the comments. I love the way I'mHers interacts with his readers by replying to each comment. It makes the blog interactive as well as more meaningful. Over the last several weeks I have had massive computer issues, took on too many work assignments, and came down with one of the worst colds of my life. For a while it seemed that all of the gods were against me. Many of the recent comments deserve responses. In the coming weeks I hope to get back to blogging on a more regular schedule.

One of the things men don't get is how dependent we are for attention and for love. For women the good morning kiss is more than a simple ritual. It is a way for a husband to say I am still here for you, I still love you. And yes, hearing those words spoken 'I love you' is something we never tire of. Friday afternoon John pleased me in a special way. He came home early from work.
In his hand was a single red rose. Coming into my study he curtseyed, smiled, and said ,'for you, my mistress, the love of my life'.  He placed the rose in the small vase  and dropped to command position beside me.

As part of our traditional greeting I extended my right foot for John to kiss. I then gave him permission to rise and kiss me as a wife. The exchange took less than a minute, but it brightened my day in ways that can not be explained. Someone might ask if John was given a reward for being so sweet. Yes, after the kiss, he was briefly put  back into command  position. I gave him a gentle pet, told him he was my special angle, and gave him permission to remove my shoes and worship my feet. For my man this exercise involves sucking toes, light biting, and licking.

From what I have read most people would describe foot worship as something of a fetish. The dictionary definition of a fetish says something about ascribing sexual treatment to what is not normally a sexual part of the body. This may be true, but personally I have never heard of a submissive man who doesn't relish the treat of sucking on his mistress's toes. For most men this is  a treat, and a privilege to be granted  for good behavior.

One of the secrets I have shared with my daughter is that most women have no idea of the power we have over men. Men, even those who are not submissive respect women who exert power in everyday life. They love to be in the company of a woman who is comfortable with her self as a person. The submissive man loves to be at the feet of a confident women. Even more so the submissive man loves to lavish those feet with kisses. For some men one of their greatest  joys in life is to worship the feet of their mistress as if she is divine, and to them she is. For me this is part of the special satisfaction that comes with being the mistress to my man.

Love you for reading.


Friday, October 10, 2014

Seting The Record Straight

Well, I do appreciate comments. Sometimes I read the comments and wonder if the author of the comment even read the blog. John, my husband, does not ever address our daughter as mistress.
Sometimes he will use the ma'am word out of respect for her gender. My husband is a sweet submissive who views women as generally superior to men. John has a certain type of reverence for everything female. That is his belief, not mine.

Recently our daughter gave her husband permission to address her as mistress. David, her husband had been wanting to use this honorary title for some time. Like a lot of young women Becky had resisted use of this title. Why, I am not sure. For me the title of mistress signifies a certain level of respect, and over the years I have come to like it.

An no, my daughter's husband does not call me mistress. David addresses me as ma'am and John as John. And for the record I have come to enjoy being a mistress for my man. It is not that I am naturally dominant. It is because I have such a loving sweet man as my submissive. Having a man like John as your devoted servant can make any woman's life better.

Someone brought up the issue of Becky's authority over John in my absence. Yes, If for reason I am not available Becky has full authority to speak for me. This does not mean she can boss her daddy around. It does mean if a question comes up that needs to be resolved, she can deal with it. This has only happened twice. The last time was when she didn't give David and John permission to see a movie that she knew I would not approve of.

I am not pretending to have any real understanding of the reasons for male submission. All I know that it is real. Some men have an absolute need to live their lives under female authority. It is not just about doing better in life under the guidance of a woman, about accepting her rules and control. It is about being happy, about being content with life, and being all they can be as a person. Many men search all of their lives for meaning. They are like wonderers in the desert looking for something. For many of them the answer is loving female authority.

There are differences between a mistress wife and that of a dominatrix. In some ways it is difficult to explain the differences because on the surface the two may look much like. Like a dominatrix a wife may be very demanding, she may punish, and  she may scold. Yet, on the inside there are differences.
This topic will be the subject of another posting, but for now can any of you tell me what the differences are?


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Follow Up

The issue for me over the years has been in understanding the difference between being a dominatrix and a mistress wife. When John first came home I was more of a dominatrix than a wife. John, I knew, did very well in the environment of the studio. He served, he cleaned, he took orders from Tara as well as the girls who worked there. From the comments I herd they all loved him. He was one of the boys who was truly there to serve, to work, and not just pretend to work. In their description he was a very sweet house boy, a pleaser, who knew how to show respect. I later learned that one of the women, a young black girl, broke the rules and made him something of her personal slave. She took him home, used him to clean, do laundry, and serve at parties. On several occasions he spent the night at her apartment after doing late night maid service. He also paid money for the privilege of being her servant.

The point of all this is not to be little John in any way. John, like most men simply doesn't have the inner strength to resist temptations from a woman who wants something. This is part of the reason men should be properly supervised. This, as I tell my daughter, is why she should always know what her husband is doing, and whom he is doing it with. A simple but worthwhile exercise is to make surprise checks of the calls on his cell phone, have soft ware to monitor which sites he visits, and not be afraid to ask questions. This also is why some men should be locked. An ounce of prevention is worth  a pound of cure. What most women don't get is that the truly submissive man wants a wife that does all of these things. The truly submissive man does well when married to a woman who allows him little or no privacy even to the extent of keeping his private parts under lock and key.
If I am wrong gentlemen please tell me.

The other thing to remember is the why of it all. Why should a wife make the effort to monitor her husband's activities, or punish him from time to time. It is not because we enjoy doing it. For most of us disciplining a man can be something of a burden. We do it because we love him. Being a mistress to a man is an act of love. For most of us there is no inner thrill that comes with being a mistress.
Most of us are not naturally dominant. For most of us becoming a mistress is something of a chore that must be learned. Once again, as women, we do these things because our man needs us to be there for him in a special way that only a few people can understand. What I do believe is that the world be a better place if more women rose to the occasion by becoming mistresses to their men.

Love, Kathy

Monday, October 6, 2014

Command Position And Other Things

In the earlier part of the blog we talked quite a bit about 'Command Position'. Since then there have been several inquiries regarding  its use as either a training or discipline tool. Like many other techniques and tools picked up at the studio, this may not be appropriate for most homes.

In the studio Command Position was used as a training tool for the clients. In the studio men were trained to drop to the floor; toes, knees, elbows and forehead as close to the floor as possible anytime a lady snapped her fingers in their direction. In the studio the response was expected to be instantaneous. In other words a man was expected to obey this command without thought, without looking around, and without questioning a woman's authority to give it.

On a very basic level one purpose of this command was to teach men unquestioned obedience to any and all females. In a training session with a man I might have had him drop to this position fifteen or twenty times. The idea, of course, was to get him accustomed to the idea that the mistress had absolute authority over him. While in Command Position a man was not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and was expected to remain perfectly still until released.

On a more practical level the use of Command Position allowed the studio mistress a certain amount of flexibility. In a way it was like putting a man in bondage without the ropes. For example, if a man arrived early for a session, or if for some reason a mistress was not ready for her client, she could simply put the guy in Command Position for a few minutes, an hour, or whatever until she was ready.
If she wanted to take a phone call or do something with another mistress or client, Command Position was a simple, expedient way of putting her client on hold.

At the end of a training session Command Position was used as a way of giving the client instructions. For example, a mistress might give her client orders to perform some exercise before his next visit. In the studio we found that men gave women their full attention when in Command Position. In the home Command Position is a practical position for giving men instructions. The full focus of the husband is on his mistress. He is only allowed to speak when spoken to. After giving John an instruction I will ask if he understands. If the answer is yes, I will often ask him to repeat the instruction back to me. It can be as simple as what items to purchase from the grocery store.

During my most recent visit with Becky I was impressed to see her using some of this technique
with David. While Becky did not put David in Command Position, she did give him a series of small errands  to perform during the course of the day with instructions on what time to return home.  'Yes mistress', he replied when Becky asked if he understood everything. Becky had only recently given her husband permission to call her mistress. She then had him repeat the instructions back to her. When it was obvious David had forgotten a part of what she told him, she had him repeat the list from the start. She was not at all embarrassed to present this little show of dominance in front of me. She knew, I believe, that I would be pleased. In the past she had witnessed me talking with her father in much the same manner. As David was leaving the room, Becky turned to me with a very slight smile. I returned the smile. In that moment that was a sense of understanding between the two of us.

In the home the use of Command Position is a practical tool to end a discussion or a potential argument. It is an effective tool for leting a man know that you are indeed the mistress. From what I have observed most submissive men respond well, and respect a wife who makes use of the technique.

In Liz's home, and in some other femdom house holds, Command Position is used as a way to welcome a mistress. On that visit to Liz's home, her husband remained in place for the entire time of our tour. What impressed me was that her husband not only remained in position, but did so without moving a muscle. What a well trained man I thought to my self. It was only when I complimented Liz on having such a well trained  husband that the reality of the situation struck me. Only a few months earlier I would have been shocked for a man to welcome his wife in this fashion. Now, after the experience of the studio, it seemed so very normal and common that I could actually pay a compliment to a wife for doing a good job of training. While, I thought to my self, how far I have come since that first visit to the studio.

As  in the studio Liz and I felt perfectly free to have a conversation in the presence of a man, but with not including him. Only a few months earlier this would have seemed remarkably strange. Now, for both Liz and I it seemed perfectly normal. Through our mutual experiences with Tara neither of us felt any embarrassment about treating a man as property to be owned. At that moment  neither of us fully understood the differences between  a dominatrix and a mistress wife. We were both learning. We were both experimenting. As they say we were partners in crime.

Love, Kathy

Saturday, September 20, 2014

More About Liz

Some people come to me for advice thinking that I have all of the answers related to femdom relationships. I don't. For the most part my experiences have been restricted to one very sweet submissive man and a small group of friends who share personal experiences. One of the things I do believe, however, is that successful femdom relationships are based on love and caring. Like with all marriages there can and will be difficult times, ups and downs. Like with all relationships that matter, a couple must decide to make it work for them.

In the studio John was nothing more than a servant who was there to clean and fetch. In the home John is more than that. In the home John is my loving submissive who lives to please. Yes, in the home John has responsibilities that involve cleaning and laundry, and yes he does fetch when told.
Yet, for John and men like him there is a special pride that comes with being a devoted servant to the woman who loves him. I see John's gift of submission as a gift of love.

On the first day that Liz invited me to her home we talked for a very long time. For me it was the very first time  being in a femdom home-a home where protocols and discipline were enforced. In some ways the protocols, such as command position, reminded me of the studio. Yet, before the end of the house tour, I began to notice differences. For one thing Liz took a great deal of pride in having a husband who obeyed her. Although they kept the femdom nature of their relationship a secret, she was proud of having a sweet, well trained man as a husband.

One of things she told me was that her husband's love was the most important thing in the world to her. Second to his love was his obedience. She felt, she told me, that rejecting a man's submission was the same as rejecting his love. Many years later I had a similar conversation with my daughter. That's not to say, she told me, that you should not be a firm disciplinarian with a man, but it is important to remember that punishment should be administered for the purpose of bettering the relationship.

For the entire time of our tour Liz's husband remained obediently in Command Position without making a sound or moving a muscle. Without thinking about it I complimented Liz on how well her husband maintained his posture in Command Position. In the studio men would talk out of place or change position to attract attention. They did this because they wanted the mistress to punish  them. In Liz's home, her man was there to please.

Love, Kathy