Wednesday, September 3, 2014

A Little Fun

For all of the American readers of Femdom 101, I hope that you had a very good three day weekend.
Many of you know that my husband had been away on a business trip. He came home Friday afternoon in time for the holiday. He was tired from the long plane ride. He was promptly excused from all duties with the exception of pampering his mistress.

In the mall this past week I had the idea to buy John a small present to celebrate his homecoming.
I wasn't sure what to get for him until I remembered the posting on I'm Hers blog. It is so sweet the way Katie puts out panties for her guy. While it is far from universal most of the men that email to me have worn panties at one time or the other. It is a lite form of cross dressing that hurts no one.
The knowledge that her man wears women's underwear creates a special bond between a couple. In a way it is kind of a sweet little secret that is fun for them to share.

The plus size store was running a special, three pairs your choice for $25.00. Instead of buying one pair I picked out three in John's favorite colors. Like most men John prefers panties with a lot of lace and  ribbons. He once confessed to especially likening panties with a lacy, little boh in front. As much as this may seem unmanly, these are the type of panties that most men want to wear. In the studio we usually instructed men to wear panties on the day of their visit. They were very  seldom of the plain Jane variety that you buy at the big box stores. One of the funniest things was to watch a man try his best to squeeze into a Victoria Secret size seven.

As I was paying for the purchase the young lady behind the counter quickly scanned the labels with her eyes. This is something store clerks are instructed to do. It helps prevent returns. She was checking to see that all three pairs were of the same size. Reading the expression on her face, I proudly explained that they were a coming home present for my husband. For a quick moment, she was not sure if they were something for me to wear for my guy, or my guy to wear for me. Then, of course, looking at the size of the panties in comparison to my figure, understood they were for my guy to wear. She said, we have a lot of women who buy panties for their husbands.

Then, I thought wouldn't it have been fun to have purchased panties in two different sizes. The clerk would have caught the fact that one of the panties was of a different size. I could have then mentioned that two of them were for my husband, and the third was for my boy friend who was some what larger proportioned.  While, I thought what a good laugh that would have been.

Love, Kathy

Friday, August 29, 2014

Use of BDSM techniques in femdom relationships

Thank all of you who contributed to the blog by way of comments. Some of the comments to the last posting were so sweet that they almost made me blush. In truth, the last posting tiptoed into one of the most controversial areas of femdom, what to tell the children and when. What I have always maintained is that femdom in and of itself is not about BDSM or sexual practices. In my opinion there is nothing really erotic about the idea of a wife being head of house, or that of a husband assuming the more subservient role in a relationship.

What I will admit is that the femdom way of living can lead to different practices that relate to BDSM activities. One of the reasons for this is the necessity to train a man, and to punish when necessary.
Someone asked the  question does John ever talk back. Not really, not any more, but in the past there have been times when his temper has gotten the better of him. My daughter has much more of a problem with her husband, but this is expected from a younger man.

Most of you know that I have several close friends who are in the lifestyle. We were all graduates of Tara's school for training and managing men. Tara, a dominatrix, specialized in working with couples. Her technique was to work with the wife as much as the husband. She would then put the women together into a group for female bonding. Our group took on a life of its own much like a new comers club. Because of the influence of the dominatrix, our small group is probably more strict  than most women in the lifestyle.

In the studio our group of devotees learned to incorporate certain BDSM practices as part of the process of training and disciplining. For example, each of our husbands were taught to drop to the floor in 'command position' at the snap of our fingers. In this position the men are only allowed to speak when answering a direct question. If I want to give John instructions, I will put him in 'command position'. In a way it is a practical position because a man's focus is entirely on what you are telling him. It is also an effective tool for ending augments.

In the studio the use of  'command position' was a standard technique. A male was not allowed to talk, get up, or even to move a muscle into given permission. It was a simple way to keep a man out of the way, under wraps, for a few minutes or an hour. In the bringing I asked one of the women in the group, do you really do this with your husband. Yes, she said, and he responds well to it. It was My Heart's Desire who made the comment that his wife requires him to assume  a certain formalized position at times. It occurred to me that something simple such as standing at attention my be appropriate in his circumstances, but being placed on his knees would not be. Either way the decision is to made by his wife, and she determines what is appropriate in her home.

For women new to the lifestyle the idea of bringing a husband to the floor in what seems to be a most humiliating position is too over the top for any reasonable consideration. Yet, from my experience, men respond well to being  called to in this fashion. Yet, the use of this training position in front of children would not be acceptable to me. Likewise, someone asked how does John greet me. We use the formal greeting learned from Tara, a kiss on the right foot for welcoming, and a kiss on the left foot for leaving. Please don't feel sorry for John. He, like many men loves to show respect by kissing the feet of a lady. In the world of submissive men being allowed to kiss the feet of a wife is more of a privilege than a duty.

In the home I believe in the importance of protocols.  Some of these protocols are not appropriate for use in front of family members, some are. It depends on the circumstances. Yes, John stands when a lady enters a room. Sometimes it is confusing. If you remember the posting about the Lemon drop Martini, one of my neighbors has a college age daughter. At what age, John once asked me is it appropriate for him to stand for a lady? It is also important to remember that there is sometimes a fine line between simply being a gentlemen, and showing deference to a lady in the way required of a submissive husband.

Love, Kathy

Monday, August 25, 2014

Thoughts On A Monday Morning

Thank all of you for great comments.

Each of the comments deserved a reply, but there was not enough time. It is the comments, the feedback that keeps me interested in continuing the blog. In a way I think of each of you as one of my children, and like any mother, it is important for me to hear from you. It is also pleasing for me to hear from men who are actually living in femdom relationships. There are so many more of you now than there were only a few years ago. It takes a type of manly courage to kneel before the lady whom you love, yet there are many rewards for the man who serves.

One of the things we try to do on Femdom 101 is to separate the reality of femdom living from the male fantasy. The reality is about love, serving, and obedience. Foe women, the reality of femdom is a pleasing way to live. So much of what is on the Internet discourages women from the idea of living a FLM of any type. Yet, as my daughter observes the way her father and I live she is slowly coming to embrace the concept of being the in charge person in our marriage. It is not always easy. Men are not always obedient, they talk back, and come up with their own ideas.

One of the things that bothers me about femdom relationships is the tendency to hide them form the children.  If femdom is every to become socially acceptable we need more role models. We need strong women who are not ashamed about living at they do. It is not about spanking a man in front of the family which is the male fantasy. It is about being proud of who you are as the head of house, and mistress to your man. It is about carrying your authority with a little pride and most of all confidence.
One of the things I have observed over the years is that when given the opportunity most men relish the chance of living life is the shadow of a confident woman.

In the home it is important that women allow their men the privilege of serving. It can be the simple things. Allowing a man to pick up the dishes after a family dinner is a way of showing all the proper place of a devoted husband in the home. Allowing him to openly address you as ma'am or even mistress is a way of demonstrating his respect for feminine authority. Our daughter has now given David permission to call her mistress. When we were alone, I asked David 'how do you feel about having a wife who is a mistress'.  At the time we were in the kitchen of their family home. He was empting out the dishwasher-a job given to him by Becky.

For a man who wants to serve, a simple job such as empting a dishwasher can become an act of love.
Femdom is not about whips and chains. Femdom is about love and devotion. And yes, the little words that every man should say to his wife every day are 'I love you'. Thank you Mark for reading and remembering.


Friday, August 22, 2014

Follow Up Loving Potrait

One of the issues I have with many of the femdom blogs is that in public life they suggest men should be second class citizens. The blogs seems to suggest that women should run most businesses, and hold most political offices. In a way these blogs suggest men should be kept barefoot and naked in the kitchen while serving their wives twenty four hours a day. On the surface this may seem like a harmless male fantasy, but in my opinion this popular image tends to create difficulties for men seeking true femdom marriages.

The reason these blogs do more harm than good is that most women want to see their husband as a strong male type who is a protector and provider. While I have several friends who are in femdom relationships not one of the men is a true sissy who lives only to cook, clean, and prance around in a maid outfit. Instead, cooking, cleaning, and serving is a reward for the man who brings home a pay check. Being allowed to kneel at the feet of his wife is a reward for good service. It is my belief that most men in femdom types of relationships understands that being allowed to serve is a privilege. A part of the way this privilege is earned is by going out to the hunt, and bringing back the kill. One of the difference's in femdom type relationships is that the kill belongs to the wife.

One of the questions that came out of the last posting was why does an intelligent man like john need to seek the approval of his wife, or daughter in certain situations. John is an intelligent man, but he is still a man, and thinks like a man. In our home, in our family life decisions are made from a feminine prospective. It is also true that in his personal life John is more comfortable in the role of an obedient servant. The nature of our relationship is that I have accepted him as my slave husband.
This means that in our personal life John does what he told, when he is told, and how he is told. Our relationship has evolved to the point where this type of absolute obedience is essential to both his and my happiness.

Coming out of the experience with Tara and company it took several years for us to understand
each other. It took several years for our relationship to evolve into a true femdom marriage.
In femdom marriages we as women have the responsibility of teaching obedience to our men, yet we also have the privilege of learning form them. There is a joy in having a  husband who is there for you. There is a joy in having a loving spouse whose takes pleasure in serving and in meeting your needs.

One of the questions is how can I be so open in front of my daughter. In a way I would like her to eventually have the type of relationship with her husband as I have with John. Being a mistress to a man who is truly devoted to you is different than simply being a mistress to a man who cleans your house. For me having a caring submissive type of a husband is an essential ingredient in making a house into a home.

Let me her from each of you who read this blog. You don't need to agree with me. If you enjoy reading Femdom 101 it is important that you make a contribution. You make a contribution by sharing your thoughts.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A Loving Potrait

As I was working on the blog a recent posting by I'm Hers came to mind. Loving female authority is not about whips, chains, bondage, and things like that. It is about love and caring. It is about loving a man so much that you are willing to do the things necessary to keep the relationship alive. There are  many couples today that simply exist in marriages that are all but dead. They continue to exist because of  the momentum. The love has ended, the romance is gone, yet for one reason or the other they stay together. Often times I see two people living in the same home, but living different lives. You can take it or leave it, but after all of the years of married life John is still devoted to me. He still brings me flowers. He still writes poetry for me. He never misses a day of saying I love you. And yes, he loves to kneel at my feet. And yes, at my feet is where he belongs. The world would be a  far better place if at the end of every day, every married man knelt at the feet of his wife.

In my opinion femdom works best with older more mature men. With younger men femdom can work, but it is often necessary for a wife to take a firmer hand. Most women are not ready to do what it takes. With younger husbands house rules need to very clear, and enforced at all times. It is also necessary for the wife of a younger man to always beware of what her husband is doing and with whom. Careful track of money is an absolute requirement. Younger men have more ways of getting themselves into trouble than can be imagined.

The question continues to come up. Do I like being a mistress. Yes, I like being John's mistress.
Why? Because of all of the reasons mentioned above. It would be hard for me to live without the intimacy that femdom brings to a relationship. When John is away, and he is away quite frequently, I miss him terribly.  I also believe that a man should work out of the home, a real job is important for the male ego. This is where I take issue with other blogs that seem to recommend keeping a man bare foot and naked in the kitchen. Bringing home a pay check is healthy for a man.

Some one recently asked if retirement is in the picture. Yes, but not for now. We both like what we do. Over the last couple of years John has spent a great amount of time in central Europe as the financial structure of that part of the world has expanded. With the end of the communist era the Daniel once again flows from its source to the sea. This freedom of navigation, of communication, is allowing ancient trade routs to flourish for the first time since world war two. It has also created business opportunities for my husband.

Of concern to John is what is now happening in the Ukraine. Money for projects, even existing ones is drying up all over the continent. John believes that what ever happens over the next six months will be crucial for the continued recovery of the Eurozone countries. John's personal belief, and he is often correct is that Putin will bring NATO  to war. From his travels he sees things that I so not. I see the beautiful scenery. John sees the people struggling to make a living. Any femdom blog that implies that women are somehow superior  to men, higher intelligence or whatever, have never met my husband. Even in places like Budapest I tend to see things with the eye of a tourist. John looks at things like the shoe memorial and understands that it could happen again.

Based on our age it should surprise no one to learn that John is a Beatles fan. Some of you may have heard of the Beatles, a musical group form way back when. One afternoon we found our selves walking by the west side of Central Park. For me the walk was rather casual, drifting this way and that, but I could feel that John had a certain sense where we were heading, and I gave him his lead. As we passed a nondescript apartment building he suddenly said, this is where it happened.
'Where what happened' I said. 'This is where John Lennon was shot' he responded. Oh, I responded.
We then both observed a moment of silence.

 For John the sidewalk in front of the Dakota  is hollowed ground.  Just being there brought tears to his eyes. John is the most loving and sensitive of men. Yet, there is another place associated with the great musician that means even more to him. It is the wall in Prague. Once John had the choice of locating his firm's  European office either in Vienna or Prague. Vienna would have been the better location. Yet, he pushed for Prague so he could be closer to the wall where so many young people scribbled their messages of hope. John tells me that looking at the wall keeps him grounded, much like being on his knees in our bedroom. In so many ways John is a simple man who above all else cares for his family.

In his professional life John can be a tiger, a leader of men, and an inspiration to others. Yet, on his personal life John wants nothing more than to be my slave. As a person John has the humility to put woman up on a pedestal, and bow to them. He thinks nothing of standing when our daughter enters a room, and making sure that she is treated with the respect of any woman who visits our home

Would I ever want to be a mistress for another man. Not in this lifetime. There is another question which has never been asked, but should be. Could I have become John's mistress at the age Becky is now. I don't know, but doubt it. For her age Becky is more worldly with more maturity than I was at thirty something. I have learned to trust her judgment as much as my own. John understands that if for some reason he needs an immediate answer, or permission of some type, and I am not available, Becky has full authority to speak for me.

We have both a son and a daughter. Our son lives in the DC area. He has a girlfriend. As far as we know he is not submissive in the slightest way, yet is accepting of the way his father and I live.
John is a fan of the local football club. Our son follows the team located in the DC area. I forget what they are called, but it doesn't matter. The two of them have great conversations about football. They both love the super bowl, but have withdrawal symptoms when it is over. This afternoon they were on the phone talking about matches that occurred over the weekend.

For his part John is proud of both of our children. As with any other lady who comes to our home, John is attentive to our daughter. He loves to pour her a drink, refill her glass, and make sure she is treated as a lady. John in all respects is the sweetest man I have ever known. And, I believe that is another part of my attraction to femdom. Submissive men as a rule are sweet, kind and gentle. They make good husbands, they make good fathers, and when out to dinner they are not too proud to change a dirty diaper. This is a trait our daughter has learned to value. The symbol of changing times in her opinion is the diaper changing stations now located in men's restrooms.

After so many years of doing this blog, it was important to give a portrait of my husband, the man I love, the father of my children, and maybe, just maybe the sweetest man on the planet.

Love, Kathy

Lost Post

Well, I am not really sure what happened to the post, but it is not there. In the several years of blogging this is a first. The posting was about my daughter and her husband. Although no one in real life knows who she is, I am sensitive about giving details of her life. As such, before posting I will ask her to make a review, and make any changes she feels are appropriate. With this posting Becky suggested several changes. After publication I realized that one of her suggested changes was not made. Somehow, in the process of reverting to a draft the entire post disappeared.

On this blog I have often suggested that older men make the best submissive husbands. The incident with Becky illustrates the problem which many women have with younger men. They want femdom, or think they want femdom, but want it on their terms. One of the first rules of femdom is that a husband should always show proper respect toward his wife. Proper respect can mean different things in different places, but one thing is universal. A man who respects his wife does not talk back to her, he listens when she speaks, and he controls his impulses. Is there anyone who would disagree with this?

Aside from being disrespectful an angry outburst from a man is a sign of immaturity.  What I would tell my daughter or any married woman is that she should never accept disrespectful behavior from a husband. This is not about femdom. It is about being treated as a lady. One of the things John has mentioned to me was the way he was raised. As a child he was always taught to treat girls and women with respect. For one thing you never hit a girl. You didn't use four letter words in their company, and if they had too many school books in hand, you would offer to carry them.

As a young  teenager John told me  it was a special treat when a girl allowed him to carry her books home from school. It was not about being submissive, it was about being helpful. It was about being respectful. It was about values. John commented to me that as far as he can tell young men are no longer brought up in the same way.  In the work place he often hears young men telling off color jokes to the women. Every one laughs. The 'F' bomb is used so often no one pays attention. In the work place of today women want to be one of the guys.

One of the things I tell Becky is to always act like a lady, and expect to be treated as a lady. In the work place a woman sometimes has very little control. If a four letter word is used, or an off color joke is told, it is often  embarrassing to say I don't appreciate that type of language. In the home it is different. There is no excuse for a wife to accept talking back or four letter words form a husband.

Gentlemen, am I being too old fashioned ?

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Confusing Day

Can anyone help.

This morning I was in process of making changes to a post when it all diapered.

Anyone know a way to recover a lost post?