Saturday, February 13, 2016

Thoughts On A Saturday Mroning

When out of the blogger mentality it is extremely difficult to get back into it. Once I start to write ideas seem to come. Everyone knows that I have two grandchildren with a third on the way. Both Becky and her husband have active careers which keep them busy. Added to the stress of having a full time job are the demands of parent hood. I have discovered a sense of both comfort and joy in being of assistance to them. It has caused my own career to suffer, but at my age it doesn't really matter. My sweetie is no longer taking on large projects that have kept him way from home. While neither of us are fully retired we are close.

One of the challenges of being a modern woman is balancing life between a career, husband, and children. Life today is more complicated than it was thirty or forty years ago. One of the things that I most admire Becky for is her ability to manage both her home and family. Being a mistress wife comes with a set of responsibilities. The internet idea of a wife siting at home all day eating bom-boms while her husband slaves away is a fantasy. In the modern home the wife may very well direct the husband, but there is plenty to do to keep them both busy. My observations are that Becky has become very comfortable with her authority. She has become accustomed to directing David with a soft, clear, but firm voice. For his part David understands his role is to obey-to do as told, and quite frankly to do it with a smile.

Over the last several weeks our Saturday morning chats over the French Press have become routine. David freely admits that he doesn't understand the why of it, but he is the happiest when Becky takes charge. He is happiest when playing the part of her obedient servant. There was a break through about a year ago when John and David found the courage to truly open up with each other.
Each of them needed another guy to talk with, to discuss their feelings, and simply be frank with another person. One of the problems with expanding femdom lays with you guys. You don't want to talk about it with either your wife, your girlfriend, or with male friends.

Accepting the idea that some men need a female to take charge of their life has been a break through in our extended family. It is not that woman are better or superior to men. My husband can build almost anything he puts his mind to doing, but active female authority is a requirement for his happiness. Becky's little David is  much the same. While the words may sound harsh both of them have a type of slave mentality that causes them to want to both serve and please. From my prospective it may not be the traditional idea of masculinity yet it is very pleasing.

Before leaving I want each of you to look at the comment on the last section regarding contributions to the blog. Do many of you agree that the blog has been ruined by taking older sections down?
Do you agree that comments have not been appreciated? Every one has different opinions. Let me hear from you.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

My Thoughts For The Holidays........

Good morning everyone.

It is very pleasing to see that a number of you completed the assignment. In each case the responses were well though out and well written. It is my hope that you not only read the responses, but encourage your wives to also do so. And yes, my feeling has always been that a little fear of a mistress wife is a good thing, but a man should never be terrified of a woman whom he is in a relationship with. This blog centers on the idea of loving female authority in the home. It is not about whips, chains, or heavy bondage. The female centered home is about love and family. In the female centered home children do not get in the way of femdom. In the female centered home children are often the reason for having a femdom relationship.

As the responses indicates the cause of fear runs the gamut from the trepidation that comes along with disappointing a wife to the prospect of actual punishment. What I suspect is that for most men it is a combination of factors that creates a sense of uneasiness. Men fear the loss of love. On the other hand men love the sense of pride that comes with being a good submissive.  And yes, finally there is the fear of the physical discomfort that may accompany a wife's displeasure.

What I have found most interesting is the number of responses from men who actually live in femdom relationships. Of the twelve responses it is only Alex who does not have a mistress. If the assignment were given out ten years ago the percentage of men living with mistress wives or girlfriends would have been much less. This, I believe represents real change in society. One of the bloggers even referred to being kept in 'Command Position' which until recently was a tool used only by a few of us.

It is also my belief that western women are slowly awakening to the idea of femdom being a central premises of their marriage. It is not so much about excerpting control over a man, or trying to satisfy a kink as much as it is relationship building. The modern woman sees femdom as an important vehicle for communicating with her guy.  This is an idea that many of the blogs get wrong, or simply fail to see. On most blogs there is far too much emphasis on sexual releases. This perhaps is why so many couples refuse to discuss femdom with their families. In our extended family femdom is more about how we live our lives on a daily basis. It is not something to blush about. It is not something that needs to be kept behind closed doors.

Once again thank you all for reading this series. My email is


Sunday, January 10, 2016

My thoughts On the Holidays.......

Once again thank all of you for sharing. The ongoing dialogue between brian and the others is well worth reading.

Most every woman has it in her to become a mistress wife if the right man should come along. Most women do not want to keep their man naked and alone all day while they work, but some do. Some women love the idea of a house husband waiting for them at the end of their work day. My preference is for a man to be employed out side of the home. Work, bringing home a paycheck is a type of spiritual need for many men. My husband is happy living in two worlds. In the work place he is a leader and an achiever who has the ability to take on most any project. Nothing about his behavior at work gives his colleagues the slightest hint that he is a man who kneels at the feet of a his wife. This is a part of the relationship that is so special to me. The fact that in the home this very intelligent, leader of men becomes my obedient little slave.

As brian indicated in his comment men can become self centered and lazy when left to their own devices. Many men need a strong female leader to motivate them. This is also true of my John.
He has the ability and much of the natural aggressiveness to be a leader of men, but without a reason to do so will flounder. Once a man understands that he is being held accountable there is a major shift in his attitude. The change in attitude can affect anything and everything from a man's performance at work to the way he interacts with his family.

Becky once told me her idea of a well dressed man was one with a diaper bag over his shoulder.
One of the common services she expects from David is sharing of the responsibility of raising children. He, she tells me, is the only man she knows who offers to change a dirty diaper when out to dinner. Why is David so helpful. It is because his mistress wife is holding him accountable. He understands that she holds the power in the relationship, and they both want to keep it that way.

That evening on the ski trip Becky spanked David for the first time. In one of our early morning coffee conversation David shared his feelings with me. She told me to 'fetch' her hair brush.
At first I was excited by the idea of being spanked. The first couple of swats were with the flat side.
She then turned the brush around to swat him with the hard bristles. David told me it was the worse pain he had ever felt in his life. It was like the pain shot through his entire body. 'Why didn't you move' I asked him with the simple understanding that he is bigger and stronger than Becky. 'I don't really know he replied'. It was like he didn't have the will to resist her. This is a statement I have heard a number of times. When confronted by a confident female men louse their will to resist. On that day on the ski slope David lost his will to resist Becky in any way, shape or form. Is this something that has ever happened to you?

This is the same type of story I have heard from a number of men who have been punished by their wives. They are bigger and stronger than the woman, but when it comes right down to it, they don't have the will to resist. In many ways these bigger, stronger man are afraid of the women. Ask your self why it is that a man like brain is afraid of this lady. He is afraid to leave the apartment without permission. He is afraid to use the internet without her permission. Yet, I am quite sure that brian is bigger and stronger than his mistress, yet he is fearful of her. Let me hear your comments on this sensitive subject. I expect to hear from each of you by Monday evening eight pm US central time.

Love, Kathy

Friday, January 8, 2016

My Thoughts On The Holidays.....

This morning I want to thank Brain for sharing his story with us.

Over the last several months Brian has been a regular contributor to the blog, but his last comment was truly inspiring. How does a man find a woman who is willing to become his mistress. In Brian's case it was simply by being honest and upfront with her. From the start his service to her was undemanding, unselfish and above all genuine. And, for his efforts Brian has the special reward of watching his lady grow into a mistress willing and able to take control of  his life.

The question as to where to find a mistress often comes to me. My answer is everywhere. She maybe the secretary at work, the librarian, or simply the girl who lives down the hall. Brian met his soul mate at church. From the start he was above board with her. He was open about his need for a girl  willing to take charge. Truly, this is the type of simple courage that many men lack.

Yes, Brian's girl friend is special, but there are a lot of special girls out there.



Thursday, January 7, 2016

My Thoughts For The Holidays....

I just want to take a few minutes to thank both Sub Love, tom, and tony for the excellent well thought out contribution to the blog. These are real life stories from mature men who have found love in the arms of a mistress wife. The stories are not about sex. The stories are about real life relationships. I especially appreciate the comment from tom when he says his knees ache to be able to bend in front of her, kiss her feet, and wait for her to give him permission to rise. In my opinion this is the type of real life devotion that most submissive men live their lives for. When a wife denies her man this type of experience, she in realty is rejecting him. It is this type of rejection that leads to unhappiness in a marriage and ultimately to divorce.

In femdom a wife becomes not only a lover and life partner but a spiritual leader as well. Her grace, her beauty and most of all her femininity embody all that is good in life for the truly submissive man.
As a woman grows older her sexual appeal may wane, but her tenderness, her capacity for love and beauty will often bloom. In my opinion older woman may sometimes make better mistresses for their men than the less experienced bride.

One of the things Becky tells me is that David seems to thrive under the structure of their marriage. She makes the rules, she makes the protocols for him, and he loves the control. Becky understands that too much freedom is not good for a man. Becky, of course, has the advantage of having a father who for many years has been conditioned to female authority. She has not only watched me, she has watched the growth in her father. 'Mom', she tells me, 'I can see that daddy is really happy. I can see why David wants the same type of thing for us'.

In the very beginning, Becky tells me, it was David taking the lead. It was David encouraging her to take control of their marriage. There were a few transitional moments that led to change. One of them was that day on the ski slope when she punished David by sending him back to the lodge. It was not so much about the punishment as it was about her authority to direct David's actions. At the moment she ended David's ski day he understood that she was truly his mistress. Like it or not David understood that Becky was willing and able to take control of his actions, and that she demanded respect.

Many of you may remember the post. John was on the mountain with Becky and her husband. David was in a rush to go down. David interrupted an impromptu conversation Becky was having with a person whom she met on the chair. Standing a few feet behind Becky John watched in silence as David skied down the mountain. When she was ready Becky calmly indicated to her father that it was time for them to start. 'Yes mistress', John responded in true admiration for his daughter. Becky heard the response she later told me, but did not say anything at the time. What she did eventually tell me  was that being referred to as mistress by her father swelled her with confidence.


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

My Thoughts On The Holidays...

It is my hope that all of you are taking the time to read the comment section. Not only read the comments, but think about what these gentlemen are saying. Femdom has helped Brian get in touch with his true self. I have heard this type of remark from many men including my son in law as well as my husband. Kneeling before a wife's feet is not a kinky act. For a man it is a spiritual act of devotion to a woman who cares about him. Except perhaps for the man who takes the time to interact with children, there is no man easier to love than the man who bows before a mistress. And how could any woman not love a man such as I'm Hers with his sweet and tender disposition and caring attitude. When reading his blog I can't help but feel a little tinge of regret for the unfortunate ex-wife who let this gentle man slip away.

In one of my last conversations with Becky she made an interesting point. 'You know mom, most of your readers get it wrong'. What do you mean I asked. 'The way we live, femdom, is really about family values.' 'We do expect our guys to obey', she told me ' but  it is really for the good of the family'. She reminded me that most of her friends from high school and college have been divorced. Most of them have children living in either single parent homes or run the gantlet between two families not really belonging to either. 'This is why I am so strict with David' she told me. He needs the discipline, he needs to be held accountable for his actions. 'Not only is he happier, but he is more serious about life'. Is this a statement that rings true for many of you?

It has not come out in the blog, but this past summer David changed jobs. Becky had an impromptu encounter with his supervisor during the Christmas party. Becky was freshening her make up when his boss happened into the lady's room. She greeted Becky with a huge simile.
'It is so nice to see you' she told Becky. Then, she went on to tell Becky how well David was doing in the office. 'He is a pleasure to have around' she told Becky. Becky told her something to the effect that it is nice to her say that, and they then chatted about children. The brief encounter left Becky with the impression that David is taking a more serious approach with his job then he may have in the past. He swelled with pride when she mentioned the encounter to him.

When Becky first stated hinting to me that her husband may be submissive, I was very much the mentor and teacher. What I see now is that I am learning from Becky. She is bringing a fresh prospective to the conversation. Her ideas are different from mine. In some ways she is more strict with her husband than I am. There are things that she is not comfortable with. You know mom, she tells me, we did not grow up in this type of an environment.  In our home you and dad had  more or less equal positions. It may very well be that our children will grow up thinking how we live is perfectly normal.

What ever it is we are doing I think it is right Becky told me. Most of her friend's husbands have too much freedom with not enough responsibilities. They leave all of the parenting to the mom spending countless hours on sport programs or surfing the net.

Love, Kathy

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My Thoughts On The Holidays..

I was not going to post today. The truth is that I am a little embarrassed about a lack of attention to the blog, but especially emails. Waiting on my Gmail account this morning were tons of emails going back for a couple of weeks. For a person who takes pride in answering emails this is unacceptable.
My apologies to all of you who were diligent enough to share with me. Many of the ideas for the blog come from email correspondence. Without this source of stimulation there probably would no longer be a Femdom 101 blog.

My friends in the lifestyle will sometimes ask why is it that I write this blog. What is it that I get our of it they ask me. The answer is simple. Over the years I have communicated with so many interesting people. Not all of the these people agree with me, many do not. Yet, these people have had amazing experiences. One of things I have learned is that there are as many approaches to femdom as there are couples in the world. And, it goes beyond couples. There have been a few emails from women who have a submissive husband as well as a sub type boy friend in their life. With the possible exception of my daughter and a few friends I am not an advice person. What I do love in contact with other people. The blog provides this connection.

Very often I am asked about the differences between 2007 when the blog began and the present day.
The biggest difference is that in 2007 most emails as well as comments came from people who were simply interested in the life style. By 2015 most emails and comments came from people who are actually in the life style. This is not to say that most of the men are living as slave husbands to mistress wives, but to some degree many of these men are taking orders from  women whom they have a close relationship with.

The second major difference between 2007 and 2015 is the use of male chastity devices. Over the last half dozen years or so these devices have really come of age. As of yet I have not seen any advertisements for them in mainstream media, but that day is close.
The effect on a man's psychic of having his private parts kept under lock and key is incredible. Being locked changes so much of his personality that it makes other aspects of male training seem almost antiquated. From women I hear words such as attentive, compliant, obedient, and more loving.

On a more personal level a major change for me has been the acceptance of the femdom lifestyle by my daughter. For a long time she thought her dad and I were a little crazy. It was her husband who encouraged Becky to try some aspects of it with him. Over several years her degree of confidence has grown along with her gradual acceptance.  Over the last ten days or so we have spent a great deal of time together. Its quality time between the two of us. Its often the quite time of day when the children have been put to bed that we talk about the things that matter. It is girl talk at its best.. It is the type of intimate talk that we never tire of having with our friends. In my experience this is not the type of conversation men participate in.

Just before Christmas Becky, David, and I were up late wrapping Santa type packages for the children. It was Becky and I doing most of the talking with David doing most of the listening. Many of you may be surprised to hear this, but men love to listen in on girl talk. Most men love to be in the room when the women are talking. There are times when men should be totally excluded from the room, but if the subject permits there is sometime reason to allow them to stay. Most men regard  listening in on female conversations as a privilege. And, yes, there are conversations between women that they should  listen to. It is a way for them to learn. A smart man though understands his place, and knows when it is appropriate to ask permission to leave the room even if his mistress fails to send him away.

About the time our gift wrapping project was completed the conversation became more intimate. David understood his cue. 'Would you mind if I finished up and went to bed', he asked Becky. 'No, honey' she responded. 'Thank you, mistress' David answered. He took a couple steps backwards, did a small curtesy while telling us good night, and quickly withdrew from the room. David is so sweet I told Becky. 'Thank you, mom' she responded. 'When did you start requiring him to curtsey', I asked. 'It wasn't my idea she  said, it was something he wanted to do. He asked if it bothered me'. 'No, as long as he only did it in front of mom or me' I told him. 'With anyone else in the room it would be too embarrassing'. Then Becky said something  that really made me feel special.
'Mom', she said, 'you are a mother, a best friend, and sister all wrapped up in one person.'

With that comment giving us sail we talked on into the night. And we really did talk as mother and daughter, but also like sisters, and like best friends. I am so lucky, I thought, to have a daughter like my Becky.

Love, Kathy