Thursday, July 24, 2014

Quick Thoughts On A Thursday Afternoon

Thank all of you who participated in my blog. Of interest I had an email from a homosexual mail who more or less accidently discovered the blog. 'While', he said, 'and I though we were the last frontier in social evolution'. This gentlemen was searching for a more comfortable device for his partner. 'Yes, he said 'his partner can wiggle out of the one he now wears, but without unlocking it he can't put it back on'

On person made the comment that why is it only the men who need to be faithful. No, woman also need to be faithful. The question sometimes becomes what is faithful. There was a man who spent a night or two in Tara's kennel each month while the wife went out with her lover. Was this wife unfaithful. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe she knew what her guy needed. I am not the judge. May be she didn't even have a  lover, but simply told her guy that she did in order to get him excited. An yes, from what I was told, she picked him up from the studio mid morning. She usually leashed him and walked him on all fours through the studio while visiting with whatever mistress happened to be available. She would even have him 'bark twice' as a way of thanking Tara for keeping him over night.. Humiliating, yes. Did this man love it? Probably yes.

One of my girl friends once made the comment that this blog could have been titled, What I did for love' instead of Femdom 101.Why did I go down the road to femdom? Because my husband needed a mistress. Do I like being my husband's mistress? Yes, I love it. It is not only about having a man who cleans your house. It is about having a husband who is attentive, who cares for your needs, and is there for you in so many special ways. And, most of all it is about the intimacy with the man you love. So many women, even married women lack true intimacy in their lives. This, I believe is something the guys don't get.

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

My Take-Follow Up

The young lady, Becky's friend, who attended the wedding shower called me back. Laughing out loud she said with utter amazement in her voice that men really do wear these things. 'Yes, they do' I responded, and then made the comment that the world would be a better place if more men were  locked. Even in so called vanilla marriages women have a duty to demand absolute fidelity of their husbands. A man who is locked, when out of site of his wife, has no choice but to be faithful.

In my experience most married men want to be faithful to their wives. The problem is that  they simply do not have the mental strength to stay the course. The Christian man, who follows the teachings of our Lord should beg his wife for the privilege of having his little solder secured. By this act a wife helps to secure both the physical and mental purity of her husband. As wives and mothers it is up to us to set appropriate boundaries for the man in our life. This is not about femdom as much as it is about Christian marriage in what has become a difficult world ripe with temptations of all kinds as well as disease.

This is not to say that a man should be locked twenty four hours a day three hundred sixty five days a year. It is up to wife to understand and be aware of those times when her husband is most tempted.
Overnight business trips are a prime example. Mrs B, the young lady asked, your husband is never locked. No, I responded, but he is an older man. If he were a thirty or forty or even a fifty year old he would be locked at appropriate times. Even men like I'm Hers who appears to be a sweet, gentle man in his fifties is locked at the discretion of his mistress. From what I can see of his blog he places more trust in the judgment of his wife than that of his own. In many ways I believe this is the mark of a mature man who understands his place in a relationship. This is not to say that men like I'm Hers are second class in any way. Quite to the contrary I put men like him and my John up on a pedestal.
They should be the example for others to follow.

In many cases men see themselves as the primary breadwinner in the familiey. In the same kind of way, even in vanilla marriages, women often see themselves as the spiritual head of the family. It is up to the women to set the moral standards for the men to follow. It is often up to the wife to keep the husband on the moral path, to keep his heart and soul focused on his manly duty to her and the children. Some of you may believe I am getting off the track, but it is my belief that a family that prays together has a better chance of staying together. And yes, it is my belief that a chastity device with a wife as the key holder can help keep a man on focus.

Men want femdom, they want chastity, yet they seem to carry a sense of shame about being locked or subject to the authority of their wives. The device is seen as something to be hidden away at the bottom of the gym or travel bag. The new age male should be proud of his submission, proud of the fact that his physical fidelity is unescapably pledged. What this young lady does is not something I need to know about. It is between her and her husband. Yet, as a mistress wife I can not be anything but proud of the lady who has the balls to take control of her man's personal parts.

Love all of you for reading. There is indeed a special place in my heart for each of you men who have found the courage to surrender your selves to that special of all women. You know who I mean. The one who holds the key to your love.
God Bless, Kathy

Monday, July 21, 2014


My Hearts Desire recently made a comment that he was locked up because he failed to complete a task. Should a chastity device be used as a punishment tool ??

My Take 2

Thank all of you gentlemen for the comments as well as the emails.

For the young lady who called, her questing about chastity devices began with her attendance at a wedding shower. At these girl only events it is not uncommon for a young bride to be given gag type gifts by her friends.  I have seen brides open packages with such things as ultra sexy lingerie, hand cuffs, and even certain types of sex toys. The bride is usually embarrassed because she has to open these packages in front of her mother and older relatives. Although the bride will often blush, there is unspoken rule never to talk about these risqué gifts with the men. In this situation, the so called gag gift was a chastity device with a lock. From what she tells me most of the younger women laughed when the package was opened. The older women were more or less silent with confused looks on their faces. It was only after a whisper went around the room that the older women began to show emotion. She told me the look on their faces was absolutely hysterical.

At these all girl showers the tradition is that gifts are passed around the room for everyone to see and touch.  One of the observations made by my daughter's friend  was that the chastity device did not have the look or feel of a gag gift. Gag gifts are usually cheaply made. The chastity device appeared to have been well crafted by some company who knew what they were doing. The lock, small, but was finely engraved with the initials of the bride and the planned wedding date. It looked and felt more like a keepsake than a toy. The other thing that made the device appear to be a real gift was that is was given together by several of the bride's closer friends each contributing for it. In other words it was kind of an expensive gift for a shower.

 After the shower the rumor spread that the chastity device was really not a gag gift, but something that the bride may have actually expressed an interest in. It was also said that if you happened to glance at the husband to be  in 'certain places' you could at times glance the outline of something under his slacks. All of this, the chastity device together with the roomers made this young lady curious. Women talk with one another in ways you gentlemen can't imagine. Although this lady had heard of such things as chastity devices for men she could not fathom that a normal man would actually be willing to wear one.

From what I can gather there is kind of a fun part to having your man in a chastity device. It can be fun to laugh at him and with  him in many of the predicaments these devices can lead to. About a year ago a lady emailed me a funny story about how she teases her guy. This lady attaches a small bell to the device that gives a bit of a jingle when her guy walks. It is just enough to attract a little bit of attention. Another trick of hers was to have her guy wear tightfitting jeans. For this couple the chastity device is about the humiliation, the fear of being discovered. It is a game she plays with him, or they play together.

There is another part, a more serious part to the wearing of male chastity devices.  It is about letting a man know in no uncertain terms that he belongs to you. It has struck me that in some modern marriages mail chastity devices may now be used by more or less vanilla couples as a token of fidelity-like a wedding ring. In some ways I  believe that today's young men may have a desire to make more of a  commitment to their marriage than their fathers before them. These young men see the chastity device as a kind of pledge of fidelity, both physical and mental. They see the  giving of the key as part of their commitment to absolute devotion to the woman whom they want to spend the rest of their life with. What these men want is a type of convenient marriage in which the lock and key remains as a symbolic and physical seal of their faithfulness.

We have all seen the Mad Men episodes on television. Can you imagine Don Draper with a chastity device, and having to report his constant where abouts to Megan. No, of course not, but this Mad Men type of infidelity was more common in the 1960s than it is now days? For one thing today's women will not accept a man who constantly comes home late from work smelling of alcohol or what ever. In fact, in today's world it is often the wife who comes home late from work. She often makes more money than the husband, and has more out side responsibilities than the guy.

Like John and I many of today's young couples travel for business. They are often with colleagues of the opposite sex, and their are opportunities for whatever. If I read the posting correctly I'm hers made the statement that any time he was out of Katie's sight he expected to be locked up. This is good practice for any woman to follow with her husband. And, the interesting part of this practice is the apparent desire of the mail to be locked up. Sometimes I think  men fear a loss of self control if they are placed in situation of temptation. They want to faithful, but deep down know they lack the strength to resist?

This is just my take on chastity devices? Am I wrong?

Love, Kathy

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

My Take

The phone call came just after dinner. The question, which was punctured with a nervous laughter that quickly followed the usual small talk, 'Mrs B, do women really do that?'

The question came from a high school friend of my daughter. The young lady in question, now in her thirty's with three children at home had been looking for ways to spice up her marriage. In the recent past she had purchased some nice lingerie hoping for a spark, but her husband always seemed  too tired. She had put on some weight over the years, and wondered aloud to Becky that she might no longer be attractive to her husband. Men who read this blog will most probably not realize it, but this lady's concern is very common with women who have had children, and who have lost some of that early glow.

With some hesitation Becky introduced her to a couple of the femdom blogs. The blog that made the most striking impression on her was the one by I'm Hers. More specifically her question to me was do women really lock up their husbands. With a little nervous laughter of my own since I still think of her as something of a child, I responded with a 'yes, they do'. Locking a man's privates is a type of femdom activity that appears to be growing in popularity I told her.

Not knowing exactly what she was after, I briefly explained that men are locked for a variety of reasons. In at least one situation I have heard about, a wife required a cheating husband to be locked as a condition for taking him back. Some women simply feel more comfortable knowing that a device is a practical way of giving a man more physical freedom while limiting his ability to stray. In other marriages a locking device allows a woman to enjoy her husband when she is in the mood, when she is ready, rather than when he wants to. For a growing number of independent minded women it appears that male chastity is a concept whose time has come. Enjoying a man, having him on their terms is a liberating experience to some women who grew up with the expectation that sexual activity is mainly for the mail's pleasure.

Without getting intimate I did mention to her that every thing I knew about male chastity devices comes form what I have read or heard from others.  A couple of  years ago a friend on the east coast graciously allowed me to place a device on her husband, but that is the limit of my personal experience. Since this young lady was aware of my blog, I confessed to having a marriage where by my husband gave me a certain level of obedience, but mentioned that chastity devices were not a part of it.

One of the interesting things I mentioned to Becky's friend was that a chastity device gives a wife virtual control over a man's thoughts and to some extent his actions. From what I have read, once a man is locked all he can think about it pleasing his key holder. This includes being more attentive to her in numerous ways from cleaning house to simply being a better listener. It can also encourage men to do such things as change dirty diapers when a couple is out to dinner with a baby. 'That sounds really good' she replied, 'my husband never volunteers'.

The question then came 'why do men accept this'.  That's the really strange part I replied, it is usually the men who want to be locked. For one reason or the other they are the ones who usually introduce the wives to the concept. 'But why', I heard.  'It is hard to say' I answered. Some men want female control, and they tend to think of chastity devices as the  ultimate degree of control. From what I have heard some men are simply excited by the concept. For some men chastity devices are like a boat, they can wait to get it on. Once on, they can't wait to get it off. And yes, from what I have heard, an ordinary cubicle type of guy can act like a Tarson of the jungle when his device is removed.

Through emails and comments many of you gentlemen have told me that you are locked. Like this lady I have read the recent posting by I'm Hers. He is clearly excited by Katie's implicit instructions to lock up.  So, what I want to know is that from a man's prospective what else should this lady be aware of as it relates to chastity devices. Do they really have an impact on a man's psychic, do they really allow a woman to more or less control a man's thought and actions. Favorite brands? As with I'm Hers should they be worn with panties? If she goes forward with the idea, how should she introduce it to her husband?

What have I  missed?

Love, Kathy

Thursday, July 3, 2014

For My Heart's Desire

Every once in a while there is a comment that tells me this person gets it. For the last posting it was the one by My Heart's Desire. It is short but to the point. He never realized, he says, how hard it may have been for his wife to have collared him for the first time. A husband may not realize how much self confidence it takes for a wife to punish a man when he is out of line. We have talked about how on the ski slope last winter Becky made the decision to punish David when he talked back to her.

As I recall the comments related to that posting had more to do with David's reaction than with the self confidence Becky displayed. The fact that the episode unfolded in front of her father made it more challenging. Normally when a woman punishes a man she doesn't want to make it into something of a show, but there are times when you need an instant reaction. Receiving back talk from a man is one of those instances that calls for an immediate response. John told that if Becky was nervous about ending David's ski day she didn't show it.

A few weeks back Becky brought up the subject of David's petulant behavior on the mountain.
If not for the fact that she had been angry, Becky tells me she might have let the issue slide. The fact that David's back talking occurred in front of another women plus her father is what really set her off.
Normally a wife shouldn't punish when she is angry, but it happens. Hopefully when it happens it is for the good. For several moments after David began his journey to his punishment destination, Becky tells me that she stood there following him with her eyes. And yes, she admitted to having those butterflies in her stomach. Those butterflies are a natural part of pushing the envelope. I suspect My Heart's Desire's wife may have experienced some of those same butterflies the first time she put a collar and leash on him.

So many of the guy blogs and femdom stories seem to picture mistress wives as all knowing, instantly decisive women. Some of this type of decisiveness comes with time, but for most of us there are doubts. Should he be locked while on this trip? Should I give him corner time?
Should he be allowed free time this weekend.  These are all the types of questions that mistress wives face on a daily basis. Having gone through the learning experience with a husband, I can tell you that it is not easy. In the beginning of a femdom relationship we have a tendency to error to one side or the other. Some of us become the mistress bitch, while some of us become more of the benevolent dictator.  As mistress wives it takes time, often years, for us to find our own true voice.

It was in the conversation with Becky that she told me how a few simple words from her father made her feel so much more confident. When I later questioned John about those words he didn't even remember saying them. John had been standing there, just behind Becky has she watched David ski down the mountain.  John remembers Becky turning her head toward him while saying something to the affect that we can go now daddy. As she skied off Becky tells me she heard her daddy say 'as you wish, mistress'.  Hearing those words spoken by her father, whom she thinks of as the perfect husband and father inspired a sense of confidence in her.

The message of this posting is to the guys. Don't push your wife into something she may not yet be ready for. Like you, she is experiencing new challenges. She may be unsure of her self. Like my daughter your wife was most probably not brought up to be a mistress. Never miss a day without saying those most special of all phrases, 'I love you'. But, in times of discussion or conflict remember the other phrase that should end all conversations, as you wish, mistress. A wife needs to be confident of her man's love, this is first and foremost. In addition though a mistress wife must have confident in her authority over her man. In that regard a simple act of disobedience or back talk can have disastrous setbacks for a wife who is learning her way.

As men, as strong submissive men, learn to allow your wives the freedom to learn, to grow naturally in their authority. Always remember that your wife is a real living woman with her own set of insecurities and self doubts. She is not a plastic cut out of the perfect dominatrix wife found on the websites and the blogs.


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Thoughts On A Thursday Afternoon

Thank all of you for contributing. There were several excellent comments made that were not published at the request of the contributor. These comments were also appreciated. For whatever reason I can not see the entire comment until it is posted. If your comment contains an email address or a request not to publish please tell me up front or send an email.

This life is not for everyone, yet I feel incredibly fortunate to have a loving, obedient man as a husband. What I would tell any couple thinking of entering this lifestyle is that a  life of service and obedience is not always easy. It takes a strong man to serve a mistress day in and day out.
There are  times when a mistress wife needs to remind her guy of his place. The women know this is not always easy, and well, the guys don't always appreciate how difficult the responsibility can be. This is the big issue that most of the guys just don't seem to get. They think how lucky the wife is to have some one clean house and such. They don't think about how hard it is to carry the responsibility for decision making on your shoulders.

There are some submissive type men who want to use femdom as a crutch to escape the responsibilities of the adult world. I see them all the time. The wife has the responsibility for raising the children, buying the groceries and doing the house work while the man sits and drinks his beer.
Do you know the type?

Love, Kath