Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Loss Of Love. Response to Comments

Thank all of you for the comments and for the questions.

Let me take a few minutes to share my prospective.

My take on Larry's comment is a little different. Yes, the social changes of the later part of the last century have allowed women to become what ever they want to be. The prime minister of the United Kingdom as well as Scotland are both females.  We may have a female president in France. This would have been unheard of only a few years ago. However, what we forget is that there have also been restraints on men. Social changes have freed women to be what they want, but men seem to live under the same tired old restrains of the last century? The metaphor I like to use is that women are  allowed to wear pants, but men are not allowed to wear skirts. And yes, there are men, lots of them who would  like to wear a skirt if it were socially acceptable. My husband is one of them. It doesn't mean he is gay, but yes he would like to dress up in pretty clothing.  Some men would like to take on jobs formally held by women if it were socially acceptable. Yet, how many male secretaries do we see.

What I see in femdom is a growing social movement that is focused on men. Femdom is the only social movement I know of that allows for men to surrender them selves to a wife. Just like men resisted changes to the role of women in the last century, women are resisting changes to the role of men. While women want this so called equality with men, they still want the idealized male of the twentieth century? Women do not want to believe that they can hold a man's leash in the palm of their hand, and still respect him as a man. The idea of a man who desires to kneel at the feet of a strong woman is repulsive to most woman. What woman do not understand is that male adoration for the feminine is real. For the submissive male everything feminine is sacred and above him. My husband is happiest  when kneeling in front of me. For him that is the most natural place in the universe.
Do I enjoy living with a loving submissive man? Have I learned to respect him for who he is?
Do I sometimes make decisions without involving him? The answer to all three questions is yes.

One of the things submissive men need to accept is that wives will make decisions without them.
Women, more than men, will talk over things with friends. In dealing with men mistress wives have a tendency to tell rather than ask. Over time we have learned that things tend wo work out better this way. Husbands expect their wives to tell them what to do. When given firm orders my husband will go at lighting speeds. When he has to make household decisions on his own he will flounder. He thinks what does mistress want me to do. Becky tells me it is the same with her husband. She may have an initial discussion about which school is best, but than she simply tells David what she has decided. And, having made the decision she does not expect back talk from him. Back talk she tells me is a punishable offense.

It is my belief that in the modern femdom world men are respected for taking care of the home, their skills in the kitchen, helping with the children, and rendering services to the wife. In general men are to be respected for the pleasure and devotion given to their wives. Assuming that the wife allows them to hold an outside job men are also respected for the financial contributions to the family.
It should be expected that a man will leave his job to follow his wife if she is transferred to another city by her employer. In Becky's home I can see how her husband has learned to live in her shadow.
He does very little, if anything, without her permission. He makes the grocery list, but she approves of it. She directs his time. She doesn't hold a whip over him, but she does monitor his use of time.
And, as a submissive man david wants to know that Becky is indeed holding the other end of his leash. Like most men who blog david wants to know that she not only holds the other end of the leash, but is willing to pull it tight when necessary.  Does she respect him. Yes, among other things for having the courage to live the life that he wants.

Someone asked about the Dream Works. I have seen their web site, but have never spoken to any one who has used their product. It seems  harsh to have to put an electrical impulse device on a man's private parts. My first thought is if a woman needs to go to that extreme than maybe her guy is not submissive. If a woman want to lead or train a submissive man most of them will fall in line easily. Training a man is an act of love. Obeying a woman is also an act of love. However, like fencing in a loving pet so that it doesn't wonder away men need some degree of training and discipline. Like a pet men sometimes need to be leashed. It takes a strong woman to do this. This is especially ture when considering that the life style is still considered different and kinky.

Just my thoughts.

Love, Kathy

Monday, March 13, 2017

Loss Of Love

It is my hope that everyone enjoyed the Loving Female Authority series that concluded last month.
In most ways that series summarizes what femdom relationships are all about-new ways of caring and new ways of loving. One of the things that didn't come across in that series is how pleased I am with my daughter. Although Becky and I have always been close she did not grow up in a femdom type of home. Yet, when approached by her husband, Becky found the courage to respond to his needs.

Before going further with this posting let me paraphrase the last sentence. Becky responded to the need of her husband for female control. Almost all of the 'boy' blogs seem to suggest that femdom is about the female, about catering to her wants and needs. If so why is it that the men seem to be the ones who need to persuade the wives to control them? Does anyone have an answer for this, or is it that women are to myopic to understand what they truly want. No, the  answer is that at the start femdom is about addressing the male need to be under the control of a woman. Almost always femdom relationships start with the guy whose hope is that his wife will indulge him.

Although the early part of Femdom 101 has been taken down most of you know our story.
For the one of two of you who have recently asked, I will briefly repeat it. John and I had a very traditional marriage.  We both had careers, but it my responsibility to take care of the home.
On this one particular day John forgot his gym bag in the house. He took it with him almost every day, even when he didn't go to the gym. He always told me that he took it in case he changed his mind. The truth was that the gym bag was a safe place to hide his panties. On this one day I needed a little extra laundry to fill out a load. It was there in the gym bag that I found the pretty little lacy panties that changed my life.

When confronted with the evidence John told me that the panties were his. She made him wear them he said. 'Who, made you wear them" I asked with an angry loud voice. The answer finally cam out that this mistress type of person made him wear them. You can call her he said. I continued to believe he was having an affair until I calmed down enough to look at the size label on the panties. They were of a very large size. Yes, I realized these panties were easily big enough to fit him and much to large to be worn by a cute young thing. Before leaving the house he wrote down a phone number and a name.

From this point forward every one knows the story of the blog. The point here is that femdom was not something I wanted. It is what my husband needed. Understanding that my husband needed my control, I resolved to become his mistress. It was the only way to save our marriage. And yes, after all was said and done I kept coming back to the same thing. John many have made mistakes, he may have hurt me, but what we had together was worth saving. I still loved him, and wanted to find a way to make our relationship work. There was also a sense of guilt.

In those lonely days of separation the same thoughts kept coming back to me. How is it John found the courage to open up with this strange woman, but couldn't find the courage to talk with me. After years of living with an openly submissive man I now understand that his behavior is fairly common. Most submissive men never find the courage to talk with their wives. They fear rejection, her ridicule, and most of all the loss of her love. Yes, in spite of all the bravo talk that comes from men it is my feeling that they do fear the loss of love.

Love you for reading. Love you even more for sharing.


Kathy





Monday, February 6, 2017

Loving Female Authority 1

As must of you may have guessed John is an avid reader of the blog. Often times we talk about post, we look back together at the different life events that have either separated us or brought us closer together.

The episode in New York with the ribbon was an even that brought us closer together as a couple.
That evening in the hotel room I finally gave John permission to remove the ribbon from his hair.
His reaction was to kneel, wrap his arms around my legs, and put his head on my lap. My reaction was to gently rub the back of his neck while telling him that his actions that morning disappointed me. At that time our femdom relationship was still in its embryotic stage. In many ways we were both feeling our way into things while learning about each other.

One of the questions I put to John that evening was about his former mistress. If he had been with Tara or one of the other girls from the studio would he have talked back to her the way he did with me. The answer was a very sweet and contrite 'no ma'am'. Then why did you talk back to me I asked John. When there was no answer to that question I went on- leading him a bit. 'Was it because you respected Tara's authority more than mine', I asked. Once again there was no answer. 'Was she a better mistress', I asked.

While John could not answer my questions or would not answer  I could tell he was thinking. After a little while John found the courage to apologize. 'I apologize for offending  you, I was a naughty slave boy' he responded. 'No, that is the way you were taught to apologize in the studio' I reminded  him. It was a made up type of sentence that Tara and her girls expected a male to utter when he didn't do something quite to their expectations. 'How do you say I'm sorry to me, your wife as well as your mistress when you truly hurt her feelings'.

It was  an emotional time for both of us. It was important for our marriage that John truly respected me as his mistress. It was also important that he loved me like his wife. In so many ways the young Elizabeth brought these thoughts back into my mind.  In the show it was clear that she expected her husband to respect her as his queen, kneel at her feet, but still love her like a wife.
'I'm so sorry, mistress' John finally came out with. And, what is my name, I asked John. 'Kathy, mistress' he replied. Then try the apology again  saying my name. John understood and the words came out of his mouth with real meaning. 'I'm sorry mistress Kathy' he responded.

While his words were sincere the apology was still not exactly what I was looking for. Try again, I told him. This time he had it correct, 'I'm sorry Kathy' he responded. His words were sincere.
Sometimes a wife needs her husband to just call her by her name, not mistress or mistress Kathy, just Kathy. That was one of those times for me. At that moment I also realized that my own conversion from wife to mistress wife was not yet complete, but I was learning.

What made that evening in the hotel room so very special was that we were learning together.
While John was learning to be a better submissive, I was learning how to be a better mistress to him.
Being a mistress to a man you love and have a relationship with is so very different than simply being a mistress. I again reminded John that his words that morning were offensive to me as his wife as well as his mistress. Yet, as a wife I could possibly tolerate some degree of back talk.. As a mistress it simply was not tolerable. In a sense though the two roles were blended together in a way that could not be separated.

When John finally spoke the words I wanted to hear with real conviction in his voice I forgave him.
I then gave him permission to kiss my feet. In our world that is the sign of absolution and forgiveness. I then gave him permission to remove my shoes and worship my feet with all of his heart.  And yes, I have learned to enjoy the feeling of my man's tongue on my feet, between my toes, and under them. Women have written to me that it is deviant to allow a man to worship your feet.
Yes, it may be deviant and a little kinky. But yes, form time to time we all need a little kink in our lives.

Love you all for reading. Femdom is about love and caring. John was ordered to wear the ribbon because I cared about him. John obeyed because he cared about me. He was allowed the privilege of foot worship because I love him, and want him to be happy. And remember that submissive men are never happier or more content than when at the feet of the woman who loves them. So tell me by looking into your own heart do you 'get' what I am saying.

Kathy

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Lovinf Female Authority..........

There are often times when the blog makes me feel guilty. While I do enjoy doing Femdom 101, I confess to spending less and less time on other blogs. So often there message is so different that I tend to louse interest. Dan, a disciplined husband was kind enough to comment on the last posting.
In return I clicked on his blog for the first time in quite a long time. While, look at all of those comments, I though. Yes, I was envious , but that is that the point of this posting.

The focus of 'A disciplined husband' blog seemed to be about the value of public punishment and humiliation. Yes, I am guilt of doing both of these. In the early part of Femdom 101 I talked about a trip John and I made to New York as tourists. We were both excited to be in the big city, visiting, looking at all the sites and such, but I needed to find a pharmacy. In side the pharmacy I had  a little trouble deciding on which product to purchase, and spent a some time talking with  the clerk. John became annoyed, told me hurry as we had a lot of things to do and see.

Not being accustomed to having a man 'talk back' in this fashion I became very angry. Just there on the counter was a display of large, brightly colored hair ribbons of the type made for little girls.
My hand grabbed for a yellow one. 'Put it on now' I told John with the best mistress voice I could muster. 'Don't even bother to take the label off, put it on', I repeated to him. The young lady who was clerking for us looked on with disbelieve as John clamped the ribbon on to his hair. I then paid for the purchase including the ribbon and he followed me out of the store.

'You are going to wear that for the rest of the day' I told him with anger. 'Don't you dare take that ribbon off until you have permission', I ordered. For the rest of the day we walked the streets, visited tourists sites, and even had dinner in a nice restaurant. The women we crossed tended to giggle or smile at him. The men either looked away or gave him a cat call. It was public humiliation at its worse. My concern was that we might accidently see someone from home. Either way I told myself that he was the one wearing the ribbon, not me.

There were times in the day that I felt guilty. This was supposed to be a fun trip for each of us.
As a wife I felt like he had been punished enough. As a mistress I had told him to wear the ribbon for the remainder of the day. Like  Elisabeth  my feelings were divided. As a wife I wanted to forgive and forget. As a mistress I understood  John needed a lesson that would stay with him for a long time. Yes, in response to the question  Dan raised, public humiliation can be a very effective form of punishment.

Love, Kathy

Loving Female Authority.....

As women we are all attracted to men for different reasons. In the Crown young Elizabeth was attracted to Philip for his strength. It is no secret that I was first attracted to John because of his sweetness. Before John I went out with an athlete who really cared only for himself. It took me time to understand that John was different, he cared about me. If I needed a ride John thought nothing of rearranging his schedule so that he could take me. He wanted to be with me, he wanted to please. Girls in the dorm often complained that their guy 'dumped' them on a  Saturday night because they had something better to do. My John was always there for me. This is a special trait in a man.
It is a trait that most every woman values in the man they love.

Several years ago while she was still in college Becky once asked me how do you know when you are  in love with a man. It was not an easy question for me to answer. She went on with the question, pressed her point by asking how did I know that daddy was the one. When every day you look forward to seeing him, to having him with you, and yes, I said, by the way he kisses.With that comment Becky laughed. It may seen silly, but when a woman really likes a guy she likes the way he kisses. He may kiss the way most other men do, but to her his kisses are special.

While we have not yet watched all of the story Elizabeth had the same problem that many young women have with their husbands. When you are first attracted to a man because of his strength or whatever, how do you go from there to being something of a mistress to him. How do you tell him that he will not be allowed to have a career or control his own life in any real manner without lousing the attributes that first attracted you to him. This is part of the dilemma  Becky faced when David first opened up to her. If I do these things, she thought, will I still want him as my husband. Will he still be the same man I fell in love with.

Reading through most of the 'boy' blogs my impression is that many of the writers have no understanding of what it takes for a woman to more from the role of wife to that of  mistress.
Most of us were not raised in femdom type homes. In the marriage ceremony no one put a crown on our heads or anointed us with oils. What we had was a blessing with no one except a mom to act as our advisor. If we were lucky their were friends.

It was on a phone call several years ago that Becky first came to me. 'Mom', she said, 'David wants the type of marriage that you and dad have'. So, I said, how do you feel about it. 'I don't know' she responded. We went on talking for an hour or more. It is a responsibility to rule a man, I told her. It is also an act of love, I reminded her. There are many men in the world today that need both the affection and the control of the woman they are married to. They don't know how to ask, or they are simply afraid to askfor fearing rejection. 'If it were socially acceptable for a husband to be ruled by his wife half the men in the country might be wearing a collar', I told her with a little  bit of a giggle. For Becky that is how the journey began.

What I was told a long time ago is that a wedding is not only about having a big party. A wedding is about a new way of life. It is about the assumption of new obligations. One of those obligations is to love and to care for your man. In femdom marriages the caring for your man can be interpreted a little differently than in the more vanilla type of to relationships. Yet the same principles hold true. You as a wife need to know what is good for him even when he doesn't understand it himself. You need to be willing to discipline him, to hold him accountable, and must be willing to punish when it is necessary.

Between the need to make a living and the need to raise children it is all to easy for a couple to louse intimacy. When a couple louses intimacy it is just as easy to fall out of love as it was to fall in love.
For John and I femdom has kept the spark alive, the love fresh, and the  poetry in our lives. He has learned to respect me as his mistress as well as love me as his wife. He has learned the value of obedience in his life. This is often a difficult thing for men, even submissive men to understand.

Please let me know if you are finding this series interesting, or if the words seem to come from another preachy lady who doesn't understand the world? I want to here from each of you if this series is to continue.

Love, Kathy

Monday, January 16, 2017

Loving Female Authority....

Often times it is true that the words to start a post seem to elude me. Today is different as I know exactly how to began this post. I want to publicly thank Mz Kaylee for sharing her thoughts on Femdom 101. Also, I read her blog, and often get ideas from her words and thoughts as they are valued by me.We need more women boggers. The world would be a better place if more women were willing to practice the femdom lifestyle in their homes. While I have never been a so called female supremacist there is a need for women to have a larger, more equal voice with men. In the privacy of the home there absolutely nothing wrong with a man who finds the courage to kneel before his personal queen and mistress. This, for me, is a sign of a strong and loving man.

There was an email that came in this morning from a friend in the lifestyle who took issue with some of what I have recently said. In the past  I  have made the remark that women are not accustomed to punishing  men, and this is a problem. What she said to me made sense. 'Kathy, ways to punish men come natural to us,' she wrote. Then she asked if I had ever given a man a frown or the silent treatment. Yes, of course, I thought. She then reminded me that frowning is a simple, and somewhat easy method of letting a man know of your displeasure. Then she  talked about women  withholding sex from men. As I read these words I remembered a boy from high school. We went out on a few dates. One evening he made me angry for some reason. That night when he dropped me off I wouldn't allow him to kiss me. Was that not a way of punishing him in some small way?

Never the less more serious forms of punishment do not come easily for most women. As a quick aside it might be well to again mention the Crown. In the last episode the royal couple was on a very tedious journey to the Common Wealth locations. Phillip's nerves were strained. He wanted some time off form the tour. She said no. He then 'spoke back' to her in a tone that a man should never use with his wife. In an angry outburst she told him to get out and then chassed him away. She acted in a manner that was not appropriate for either a queen or a mistress. At that moment  the thought occurred to me that she had never really trained Philip. She had never learned to hold him accountable for his actions. She had never learned to punish him.

If the young Philip had been  properly educated in the way of serving his lady the argument would probably never have occurred.  If it had occurred she would have known how to handle the situation. With a snap of my fingers John would have immediately been directed to the floor. There would then have been a lecture followed by some type of punishment. According to the show there were two activities which were of importance to Philip, flying and the lunch club.  Already, she had not been pleased with some of Phillip's behavior arising from the association of his lunch club friends. While a wife should try not to remove male friends from her husband's life, there are some times when it is necessary. For example, if your guy comes back home with obvious sings of indulging in alcoholic beverages it is a good time to evaluate the situation.

Going back to the story taking away activities such  as the lunch club or flying would not have been effective forms of punishment. These activities were too far removed from the situation at hand. Elizabeth needed a more immediate punishment. In my view she also needed a punishment that would bring Phillip's male ego under her control. My choice of punishment would have been corner time with a coin between his nose and the wall. Only after that would Philip have been  given an opportunity to apologize. Or perhaps if there were a banquet that evening he might have been left in the room without dinner- under the supervision of the queen's secretary. In the story Elizabeth had a loyal secretary who was trained to serve her. If he were my secretary, he would have been given some authority over Phillip.

One of the things that bother me about Phillip's behaver is that I don't hear a lot of 'would you mind' or 'may I do such and such'. The lack of this type of training is a reflection on Elisabeth.
Of course, she had been taught things about the constitution, but very little if anything about the handling of a spouse. In many ways I plead guilty to the same crime. For the most part Becky was taught to be a good girl. Thinking back on things there should have been more education in the way of handling men, of being more of an independent woman.

There was  cute little story on Yahoo this morning. It seems like a group of women are into an activity called Nail Art in which designs are drawn on the fingernails. An observer, a male, asked the leader of the group why they were doing this because men do not care for it. With that question it seems there was a chuckle from the women. The answer was simply we don't care what men think. 'We are doing this for ourselves', was the general reply. There is a growing movement in the world toward female independence.

As mistress wives we still do things for our men. It is a part of our DNA. It is a part of our femininity, yet there is a difference. We work at understanding our guys. We give them the control they need.
As an encouragement to become better husbands and fathers we give them privileges. We allow them to associate with male friends, watch sports events, fish and golf, and whatever. Yet, our men also understand that these privileges can and will be withdrawn for behavior that is not acceptable. We also define for our men what behavior is acceptable and what is not. In the story line we see Elizabeth struggling with this concept. She understood that returning to the palace inebriated and giggling was not acceptable, but she didn't know how to deal with it. As such she tolerated the ill behavior instead of actively controlling it.

Love, Kathy




Friday, January 13, 2017

Loving Female Authority.


Every so often the words I am looking for just do not seem to come. The subject of Femdom 101 is  loving female authority as practiced between a man and a woman in a committed relationship.
When I focus on this topic, look at the world around me, what I see is that there is so much need for couples to adopt living arrangements where by the wife is in charge of her home, her family, and her husband. This is not an anti male statement as men generally favor these relationships more than women, and tend to thrive in them.

Many readers continue to associate femdom with BDSM, strict punishments, and general cruelty toward husbands. In reality femdom living is really about a kinder, gentler way of life. Many of our parents had something of a femdom relationship, but didn't know what to call it. John and I have been watching the Crown on Netflix. For those of you who have not seen the show it is about the life of Queen Elizabeth and her husband, Philip. By end of the first episode the realization hit me that they had a femdom marriage.

In the show Elizabeth faces the ever present challenge of balancing her obligations as queen with those of a wife. Life most women she is not naturally dominant, and has no desire to rule over her husband. For his part, Philip, seems to want more independence. Yet, as the husband of the queen, he must yield to her decisions. She, with the consent of government makes the decision to keep her last name instead of his. The children of the marriage will carry her name, Windsor, not his last name.
Imagine how humiliating this must have been for a man in 1952. She also made the decision that he would not return to his profession as a naval officer, but would remain as a house husband. To keep him busy she would give him small jobs to do such as dealing with her inauguration, but she supervised and approved all of his actions.

The episode John and I watched yesterday evening dealt with Elizabeth's inauguration as queen. By custom, Philip, as a duke was required to kneel at her feet to pledge his loyalty and obedience. The episode shows him asking for an exception to this requirement. Understanding that it would set the wrong tone, Elizabeth denies his request. In front of hundreds of people, world wide television,
Philip  goes down on two knees to pledge obedience to her, his wife and queen, and I suspect his mistress.

In the television version what impressed me was how firm Elizabeth was when she rejected Phillips request for an exception. What she seemed to be saying was that this is the way it should be, this is the way I want it, and you will do as told. As a young wife and queen she had the confidence to direct her husband. This is the same type of confidence I see in my daughter. When giving directions to her husband she has every confidence that he will obey. She, as Elizabeth, will listen to her husband's request, but the decisions are hers. The simple truth is that many men are happier, more satisfied with life when a wife has this type of authority over them.

Love you for reading,


Kathy