Saturday, December 2, 2017

Follow Up

Once again thank all of you for contributing to the blog by way of comments and emails. There was an email from a young wife who is in the early stages of a female led relationship. What seemed to interest her the most was Command Position. 'Is it really possible to train a man to drop to the floor at the snap of your fingers', she asked. 'Yes', I responded, 'if he is truly submissive and is willing to give up control'. Trying Command Positon that evening she was amazed by the fact that her husband not only obeyed as directed, but showed eager willingness for more of the training. 'Who would ever think', she responded the next day. Her comment made me laugh. Between personal experiences and that of  the studio my observation has been that men love to be put under the physical control of a lady by this simple method. With daily drills, over weeks and months, men become conditioned to watching the hands of their mistress and following her non verbal commands. If you sometimes give your man a small treat for responding he will most probably learn faster. I believe the psychologist refer to this as operant conditioning.

After the first day or two this young wife discovered the amazing power that this simple technique of command Position provides to the mistress wife who is willing to use it. The key is repetition so both he and she become accustomed to the act. And yes, it may be in a gentle way, but men do fear a woman who is willing to discipline them with this tool. In the studio we used a variant of this  technique for a number of purposes. In a public situation it can make a man squirm. To help over come my own hesitation Tara reminded me on more than one occasion that it is the 'male' who must drop on command, not you. In other words there was nothing for the lady giving the command to be embarrassed about. As a studio helper it took me some time to get acquainted with the idea that this command should some times be given in a public venue. The men were taught that the longer the time to respond, the longer mistress would keep them in that self comprising position. Tara would sometimes take men on walks wearing 't' shirts that had the words 'her slave' printed on back and front.  Humiliation, especially in public, would send some men into a deep state of sub space where they would do practically anything. Why, I don't know, but I have seem it first hand.

Reading over the last postings John was a little surprised over how quickly they were written.
What I have found is that when writing about a subject that you are passionate about-care about- the words come easy, and the flow is natural. As much as I write many of you still do not understand how John and I live. For the record I am not some type of princess who relaxes all day while my husband slaves away in the house. Yes, he may do the majority of the house work, but I also do a fair amount. On Friday morning John makes me happy when he cleans the mistress bedroom and bathroom and changes the bed sheets. It is really our bedroom, but the mistress bedroom sounds much better on a femdom blog. And, I believe it provides John with a very good feeling to be  put in charge of taking care of our personal space.

But what many of you don't get is that John also makes me happy when he comes back from his golf game all smiles and lovey. Yes, I like my guy to get out the house, get fresh air, and stay active with male friends. But, my guy also understands that golf is a privilege that can be taken away from him if circumstances suggest a need to it. In the morning John makes me happy when he comes into my study with a cup of coffee. A little cream and very little sugar. A good slave knows how his mistress likes her coffee, and John is the best slave a mistress could ever own can. Some of you who are wondering whether the coffee service comes with a polite curtsy. Is there anything wrong with a husband curtsying to his wife. Is it an activity that some would describe as BDSM or is it a simple act of respect and devotion? That is a question for each of you to decide, but I love to see a man curtsy to his lady. For me it is a lovely gesture full of grace and beauty that says a great deal about the character of a man as well as his respect for women-especially those who are in authority over him.

Love, Kathy

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

There are small things a submissive man can do for his wife that show respect and devotion. I make sure a fresh bottle of water and a clean glass covered with a little piece of plastic are on m wife’s nightstand each night. I started to curtsy to my wife later in our marriage although she does not want such displays to be public.

Kathy said...

Yes, of course, a bottle of water by the bed may seem like a small thing, but it does show appreciation to the lady in a man's life. So many men complain that their wife or girlfriend doesn't want to do this or that or whatever, but these men neglect all of the small things that can make a woman's life special. And, a little curtsy in private is so sweet how could and woman refuse it.

Love your comment,


Kathy

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

What is the best way to curtsy?

Alex

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Have you ever thought of yow a Femdom slave market could work?
Please hear me out, this isn't some crazy fantasy nor anything illegal.
Rather, I'm thinking more like a group for people to meet, kind of like a vanilla place to date but with a catch. Women control it and somehow the matches happen in a consensual way but with women having the upper hand and somehow buying the slaves. Although everything is consensual it somehow is real Femdom in that the matches are made by and for the Women, men are just traded and the relationships start by an acknowledgement of the Woman's dominance and the man's submissiveness.

Does this make any sense? Can you please help me think more how it could be done?

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I think you have a fabulous and very valid point. A good slave is not only obedient but always strives to be pleasing. What you said about your coffee is a perfect example of that.

I'd like to challenge all the submissive boys to consider that the Superior Women of their dreams have fantasies too! Instead of being absorbed in your own fantasies, boys, try to figure out what those women would fantasize about to the best of your abilities. It doesn't matter if you love spankings, if, for example, a woman like that has a recurring theme about curtsying or about family values or even about boys who carry diapers and feed babies like soccer moms, just start picturing yourselves as that. If that's all the info you have then start with that. Start absorbing yourself in whatever much or little you can grasp about HER fantasies, HER world. Learn to fantasize with HER. Be HER dream! Dream of being HER dream and become it for real!

I can say for me that some of the things in this blog where at least to some degree always my fantasy. The family-oriented-soccer-mom type has always been something I've wanted to be. Yet I would have never have fantasized about changing diapers for a Mistress and carrying diapers had it not been because I can IMAGINE Ms. Becky pleased with that, so now for me it's sexy to do that because I know it could be for HER as she's said many times. Diapers before never even crossed my head! And I'd probably also not thought too much about curtsying had I not felt that is Ms. Kathy's thing! I can imagine now being respectful to the Women in authority of me, like Ms. Kathy illustrates in this post. And whether it's BDSM or not, it's a FEMALE fantasy.

Understand that no matter who becomes your Mistress at the end, this is a great exercise in leaving those male fantasies Women in blogs often complain about and instead absorbing the higher, more feminine things that make WOMEN happy. It's a fabulous exercise in being molded by Women's priorities and absorbing yourself in a Feminine, happy world. And that is what being a slave to Women is REALLY about, about what WOMEN want. And if you ask me, THAT is why Femdom is sweet. The reason Femdom can be so intimate is because THIS is intimate, being absorbed in HER world is SO, SO intimate!
Makes sense, since our Mistresses are sweet, Femdom becomes sweet. After all, it should be a reflection of Them!

I am so melting to become the perfect sweet little slave. I hope to always be found pleasing, cute and sweet. I know I will achieve it by really listening to Women, what they like, and liking it. I am being molded right now by Women as much as I can so that when the right Mistress conquers me She can start molding me into what She wants of me from a great start point. And I am exercising my ability to please not from a sacrificial place but from a place of letting go and letting me be conquered by the Feminine. Amen.

Alex

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ms. Kathy.
I am lucky to have a wife and mistress rolled into one, though in the beginning I think my wife was mostly indulging me with certain things, like chastity, so I never mind doing some extras. The water bottle is an extra as my wife never asked me to set it nightly. The closest we have to command position is when my wife gets annoyed enough to tell me “Get over here mister” which usually means I’m going to hear about something.

Tony said...

With all the 'outings' the past few months of male misbehavior, starting from Harvey Weinstein and the Hollywood bunch, Matt Lauer and the TV bunch, politicians, media executives and with more to come, are we seeing a Cultural Revolution in the US? Will men finally learn that Women do have the power, and now will be starting to use it more and more? I would hope there is a revolution in families and schools to train boys about respect, sexual respect, at an early age. I would also hope that young girls will be trained to understand their power, and not be afraid to use it, via discipline or reporting, when needed or simply when they want. This leads to the hope that FemDom becomes mainstream, even to the extent of being taught in university as standard course material. It is time to share with our vanilla friends the methods, the benefits and the opportunities offerred in strong FemDom/FLR lifestyles. Femdom should have equal footing with the more traditional and historical maledom lifestyle. Equal, maybe even more than equal?
Tony


Kathy said...

Thank all of you for sharing. I'm not too sure about the femdom slave market. For a few minutes I mentally put myself in the role of a woman visiting one of these slave markets. The idea of bringing home a man whom I didn't know was worse than scary. The problem with this type of thing, and with the internet is that too many women are simply looking for ways to take financial advantage of a man. Once there is an honest relationship, a marriage, there is no valid reason for a husband to have control over any substantial amount of money.

In the real world money equates to both freedom and power. This blog canters on the family unit, but all that has happened in the work place over the years (harassment) is testimony to men having too much control. Becky has made the argument with me that there should be more balance in the work place. Too many executive jobs are held by men. Room she says, should be made for women to more up into the executive ranks. At this place in time I am not ready to talk about equality in the work place. I do see it coming. When John was a young man there was no such thing as a man working under the supervision of a woman. Now, of course it is common. In Becky's company there are situations where older men are working under the supervision of younger women. I have not yet seen men working as secretaries for women executives, but that day is not far off. As tony says it may be that changes in work place will lead to changes in the home.

Some time back I may have talked about email from a young woman doctor. She with a couple of other women doctors were attending an out of town medical meeting. Before going out to a bar they agreed to tell any men they might meet that they were secretaries. The feeling was that telling men that they were doctors would be a turn off. Being secretaries gave men the power to show off.

And Alex, you are a sweet little slave. Somewhere in the world there is a lady that would like to make you hers.

There were also one or two of you who wanted to talked about curtsying. The discussion is about how and when. Johns has a better understanding of this art than anyone I have ever talked with. I never have to fear embarrassment. He always seems to know what to do in any situation. But first, let me hear from you.


Love, Kathy

Anonymous said...

Sweden is the one country where women had full opportunity to build exactly the kind of society they wanted. It did not lead to more FLRs, instead it led to white demographic problems and massive Muslim immigration. The actual practical experience has been that when men give up power without a fight, women merely seek foreign dark skinned men to replace them. This needs to change. Sweden is a good cautionary tale about how difficult it can be to recreate the success of a few individually successful FLRs over the broader society. Until a solution is found, there is not good reason to be optimistic. Perhaps a good starting point would be to have women's groups actually be groups by women for women instead of being controlled by (((corporate oligarchs))) who only want cheap labor.

Joel

richard s said...

I do not consider myself as a slave nor is any husband that is subservient to his wife because of acknowledging she is superior in mind and decision making. It is due to respect and admiration. I am what I am thanks to her... no longer an alcoholic and a man chasing skirts to prove I am macho. I only regret I didn't realize my lot years ago.
As usual, I enjoy your wisdom and like the experiences of your fledging lady readers.
richard s

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

No! That wouldn't be the idea of the slave market I shared. Ough, that would be awful!

The idea is more like this

Say you are a Dominant Lady (as you are in real life) and happen to have a close circle of friends into the Femdom lifestyle (this far it's all true about you). So the idea of the marker is you take in some boys and recommend them to the Dominant Women who you think would be a good match for them. You can discuss things with the boys, but they are still submissive so they have to go at least on a date with anyone you say, but nothing that is not consensual will be done to them. /thus far the only differences with a vanilla world date would be that the Women decided for the boy that he has to show up. Then comes the fun part. At the date it is undersyood that the idea of dating is to see if the couple is compatible for a Femdom lifestyle together. Ideally, the long term goal would be for the Woman to enslave the boy, though the boy at this point may still back off as long as he really gives her a chance. It would be recommended for the Woman at this point to buy him flowers! OMG, the potential for Matriarchal roll reversal is huge!
Then if the couple agrees to go on the Woman should pay for the boy. By involving money the boy being bought by her will have a bigger commitment to be her slave because literally, she paid for him and now has a stake. You make money, the boy is treated as property and the Lady gets a very committed slave. Ideal for everyone!

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Yes, yes I want to talk about curtsying! I wish to please you just by talking about it but surely enough, the subject is now a fantasy I indulge in submissively WITH YOU AND THANKS TO YOU!!! I'm so happy about this!

So, what is the proper way to curtsy? With a bow? Holding one's skirt or pants? Which leg should go forward and which one backwards? Can this be changed at times? How long should a curtsy ideally last? Should eye contact with the Mistress be made? When is a good time to curtsy? When isn't a good time to curtsy?

Alex

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

You made me blush so much! And I hope to always blush for you!

You are the first Woman to seriously refer to me as a slave. I want you to know this is a huge deal for me, and it really matters. I never thought of me as one but I find your calling me that way so... deliciously enslaving! I feel you have me where you want. You are helping me find and accept myself and I love it when you show me you know how to push my buttons and show me who I really am. I have a huge crush on you and I don-t care how old you are, how you look or how unstrict you can at times be. I still kind of wished you tool the anonymous suggestion above and decided to make me a prized merchandise in your slave market, probably just keepng me at the end. Oups, did I just ue the s word?

Alex

Kathy said...

Thank all of you for the comments this morning.

And Alex, I bet you are cute when you blush. But, the market you are asking about is not going to happen.

A number of people have asked me to take the blog in the direction of sexual harassment.
I am not really sure about that as the focus of Femdom 101 is female leadership in the home.
What I do believe is that the entire issue is the result of men having too much freedom and way too much power. Unchecked by feminine authority men will act in the same manner they have always acted. As long as they are being watched and held accountable men will act like gentlemen.

What I do see changing the social landscape is the growing power of women in public life. This will be reflected in laws and in the boardrooms of the largest corporations. It is no longer socially acceptable for men to brag about sexual conquest or of subjugating women through their favored position of power.

On the lighter side it might be fun to talk about the curtsy. When done appropriately it is a beautiful gesture of a man's respect for his lady. It is not so much of the 'how' it is done as much as when it is done. In other words when is a curtsy appropriate? And secondarily what type of a curtsy is appropriate to the situation? John has become an expert on this. I may let him answer the question. But first, let me hear from all of you.
How many of you will sometimes curtsy to your wives, and in what circumstances? Do your wives appreciate the gesture or do they simply find it ridiculous?

I will add one further remark on the subject of the curtsy. Before my experiences of the studio I would have thought the idea of a man doing a curtsy to me was ridiculous. Yet, in the studio it was routine for a man to do a little dip when entering or leaving a lady's presence. It soon came to feel very normal for me. As a houseboy in the studio it was also normal for John to curtsy when entering or leaving a woman's presence. When we adopted our flm the practice of curtsying seemed so normal that it naturally flowed into our everyday lives.


Love, Kathy


Love, Kathy

Anonymous said...

Why curtsy over a bow? A bow is also a sign of respect and deference is there a particular reason for the curtsy instead of a bow?

Kathy said...

Well, it depends on what the lady likes. In the studio I came to like the curtsy. I thought it a sweet. Kathy

Coasstriders said...

My wife has determined that I go on my knees and kiss her feet and her um womanly bit. Blush blush and finally higher so she can look me in the eye and caress my head in response. It’s so beautiful that if it doesn’t happen I feel somewhat empty. It’s not sexual. It’s acknowledging her being a dominant woman. It’s both subjugating and nurturing.
Learning from you Kathy it’s now done by a simple hand gesture. I would look ungainly curtsying and she would just laugh at me thanks. WLM nz

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

So when is a good time for a slave to curtsy? When Mistress gives an order? When you come in to the house? The room? When having dinner with family and friends? When you get coffee from his hands?

Alex

PS, Did my post please you?

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

If you are not going to do the slave market thing do you think it might still be a good IDEA or does it still repulse you? I don't understand why you are so against it. It's basically a Femdom equivalent of dating. Why is that so horrible? Is it better that the couples not be made at all?

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

It sounds like you just have a very bad narrative in your head of what that anonymous said about the slave market. To me it sounds like a way of meeting and greeting but respecting the Femdom dynamic. Is that terrible?

Teresa

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I think Kathy is right. I'd probably like to make Alex mine. Sounds to me like the sweetest slave in this blog.

Alma

Kathy said...

The slave market might be fine for some, but it is not something that this mistress wants to become involved with. Yes, it would be good if there were some safe place where submissive men could meet women who were willing to date them. Yet, once again, I would use the safe word. For women there is the danger of physical abuse by men, and for men there is the ever present danger of women wanting to take financial advantage of submissive men. Women are not all angels. They will take a man for as much money as they can, and then go on to another one.

Love, Kathy

richard s said...

Enough with the slave aspect. The object of FLM is the dedication and respect of a sometimes troubled male to a woman that controls the marriage and has final decision on all matters pertaining to. I would understand the lending of a submissive husband to another Mistress within a social aware group for domestic chores due to sickness or business matters to that lady's husband. Example: David is made to travel to Europe for a company matter and Ms. Kathy lends Ms. Becky her John for domestic chores etc.

richard s.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Sure. That's EXACTLY why we would advocate a slave market. I think the NAME of it is what puts you off. Let's give it a new name you will relate to more. Instead of that kinky name, totally erase that one from your mind and let me call it the "Family and Friends Femdom Dating Place to Connect" where the only members allowed are those that are trusted by the Founding Mothers of the group. So, in other words, you don't get to meet there someone that would ever do that to you. However, the THEME of the dating group is Femdom. The Femdom is present in the way the club works as well as the couple dynamics that the participants expect to have once couples are made. These are two DIFFERENT subjects, but ultimately the second one is the objective while the first just provides the platform for it.

Forget that we ever called it slave market. It's just a much more exciting name for us, but it seems to scare you away. I am not saying you should MAKE it, I'm asking you to COMMENT on the idea.

What do you think now that I explained it better? Please understand that if I am asking you to comment on this it's not because I think you will want to run and make this group tomorrow but because I value your opinion about the IDEA which I think is the way to go forward for many small communities of Femdom-like-minded people. Just like, say, many couples that are vanilla meet at friendly gatherings especially made for meeting and they actually prefer that BECAUSE of the things you mention above, because that way they can TRUST that they are meeting people that other people they trust would also trust.

Alex

Anonymous said...

richard, sorry but that's not true. Some people may choose the lifestyle you are talking about but others not. Femdom is a huge umbrella and the slave aspect is a very valid part of it, actually a mainstream part of it. You may not like it and it's OK but as Ms. Kathy has stated many times, this blog is about acceptance and we accept the huge amount of Femdom lifestylers and wannabies who are into the slave aspect and Ms. Kathy has many times called her husband her slave (which he is) and she has even gone as far as daringly call me a slave, melting me and giving me no choice but to surrender to her Female dominance and helping me with her Female wisdom and intuition find who I am inside.

Alex

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Would you punish for failure to curtsy? Alex

Verygary said...

Curtsying can be done in many ways. A simple acknowledgement of the mistress and expressing a submissive attitude is generally appreciated. A man serving his woman can bow, simply nod in her direction, drop to one knee, bend at the waist, or whatever, but making an obvious movement to the lady to signal willingness and devotion to her would make any woman feel like she really is in charge, and that she has the perfect servant doing her bidding.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Do you think Femdom is already more accepted now than when you started the blog in mainstream society? Do you envision a day when it will be?

Pepe Pepe said...

Hello Mrs. Kathy. Forgive me if I didn't address you in your preferred way. I'm not aware of your preference. Anyway, I have a question for you. As a currently single submissive male, who is therefor not under control by a direct superior, what are some ways I can deflate my male ego and help remind myself of my role in life. Of course I can be more subservient to the other women in my life, but is there anything beyond that I could do? I would be honored to receive advice from anyone on here, especially an intellectually superior female. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Do you think you might post before Christmas for all of us? If you do it today it will also be a nice Chanukah gift for the Jewish ones of us (Chanuka will be over tomorrow night). Happy holidays

Anonymous said...

My Opinion on Chastity

I know this is off topic but I feel the need to talk about it and since the blog is quiet I think I'll just write a comment about it.

Ms. Kathy has said a few times that she favors putting subs into chastity. This view seems to be almost mainstream in the Femdom community.

Well, I hate that line of thought.

I like Female Domination and it goes hand in hand with submission. But there are a few things I hate. I think the idea of chastity tops that list. And here's why:

I think of Female Domination as an opportunity to create a new form of intimacy. It is amazing!
In that context, domination is about "indraw" energy (I just made that word up - it's the opposite of "withdraw").

I view chastity as a type of abuse (I know many men actually like it, but nonetheless, this is MY opinion about it), and it is a "withdraw" type of abuse. Don't get me wrong, there could be "indraw" types of abuses. Of course, not everything that is "abuse" is "abuse" in the bad sense of the word. For example, you might think of spanking or raping someone in the street as "bad" or "wrong" but in a Femdom relationship it's totally OK. However, if you think of chastity, it is just like spanking or something similar, except instead of being a (good) thing a Domme does to her sub that creates a bond between them (and it can be a bond of love, or even a bond of servitude or subservience or obedience - but it's a bond) it is just a way of WITHDRAWING something. Of course, there's gotta be a right amount of chastity that is OK, because the Domme is just withdrawing something but in that small amount of chastity it's well, just OK! No need to explain!

So let's compare it with withdrawing food. If a Mistress thinks her slave should go a night without dinner or should not eat meat or be on a diet, it's her right as the slave's owner to impose that rule. But what would you think if she thinks the slave is to go without food for a week? That's just... HORRIBLE! Right? Well, that's exactly my opinion of chastity for 3 weeks or a life in chastity with just "maintenance milkings" or all these things you read about in the blogs. I would never do it to anyone and never consent anyone doing it to me. PEEEEERIOD.

Sex is a need and orgasms are a precious part of life. If that's not understood then maybe there really isn't that much love, anyway. And even a very hardcore Femdom relationship should be based on love. And it doesn't detract from the Mistress being a Mistress and her slave her slave and property. BELIEVE ME, if you went back 200 years and had a slave in a plantation in the USA that does NOT mean you would hate or be horrible to the slave. Do you love your pet? Would you deny it food? No? Does that mean you don't own it?

I really want people, especially Ms. Kathy and other Women to please comment on this.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I just had this huge urge to come to your blog and tell you I love you and wished I was kneeling at your feet or making you coffee and curtsying to you today. I just needed to tell you that.

Alex

Anonymous said...

Alex, I hope you will let me speak bluntly. It seems to me that Ms. Kathy has done you a favor by trying to help you focus on what is possible. Instead, you seem to be trying to educate her. Perhaps you should seek first to find a real flesh and blood woman who suits you instead of distracting yourself with things that happen in your fertile imagination.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last comment regarding Alex. Ms Kathy already has Her own slave husband She does not need you fantasising about an impossible situation.Go out and try and find a real life Mistress who you can serve.
slave jenny

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

How did the holidays go for you? I know you love to celebrate with the family.

I remember some time ago you said that it's the comments that keep you blogging. I miss you!!!

Alex