The storm has now passed.
We still need to watch the rivers, but there was not much wind and no hard rain. Storms like this have a way of creating boredom in everyone's life. Unfortunately, the storm may have passed, but we are still in for another day of rain. John needs to go to the gym. We both need exercise.
Earlier this morning John brought in my first cup of coffee of the day. As is usual he carefully maneuvered a deep, polite, and respectful curtsy. Why women resist having their men perform this exercise is beyond me. It is a simple act that shows respect for authority. This morning I brought John to Command Position with a snap of my fingers. In that position he must remain completely still until given the command either to rise or to kneel up. In Command Position he is allowed to answer direct questions from me, but other wise he is not allowed to speak. As I was chatting with girlfriends this morning I kept him in Command Position for most of thirty minutes. On a very boing rainy day this is a good and simple way for a wife to exercise control over her man.
One of the gentlemen who has his own blog and sometimes writes to me tells me that his wife now allows him to kneel when they speak. I was pleased to hear that this response was the result of a book I recommended to them some months ago. Working in the studio I learned to appreciate physical manifestations of respect and devotion. In the studio, as opposed to the outside world, it was normal for men to kneel and follow commands given to them by women.
Having a man kneel while you speak is a way of engendering respect for you are as well as what you do for him. And you are both his wife and his mistress you deserve his respect and his complete obedience. He may be a good man, but he needs to remember that you are his mistress. You are the one who can punish or give him rewards. Over the last few years I have gravitated more toward rewards than to punishment. Last week we went out to dinner with another couple. 'Would I be allowed to have a drink or wine with dinner', John asked me. In my mind I quickly reviewed his chore list. 'Yes, you will be allowed one glass of wine', I told him. No more, however, as you will be driving. John's response was a thank you mistress. He also understood that any argument would result in having the privilege of a glass of wine taken away.
We may not use whips or chains in our relationship, but make no mistake about it, I rule John's life in its entirety. Freedom may be a good thing for some men. However, freedom for everyone is a generality that louses its meaning in the world of submissive men. For the submissive man craves female control, female authority in every aspect of his life. It is what his God made him for. For John I am the earthly representative of the Goddess who made him. Is this healthy? Is he happy living this way? Are we piling too much Pizza on top of the femdom relationship? These are all questions that I ask my self every so often.
What I do know is that becoming John's mistress has saved our marriage. What I also know is that I love this man. He is the father of my children, and I can not imagine life without him. And yes, as with oysters, I have learned to enjoy being my man's mistress.
Love you for reading.
Kathy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
19 comments:
Ms. Kathy, I would describe the methods you use-kneeling, Common Position, etc.-as outward manifestations of a mental domination. That is, a wife dominates her man through mental strategies, rather than physically.
I would also describe a commanding tone of voice as a mental technique.
Mental strategies are proactive. Contrast that with physical punishment (whips, chains, hairbrush spankings), which is reactive.
Tim
There are many normal situations where female rule of household makes sense. Before I ever knew anything about femdom, I always felt anxiety and guilt whenever my wife was in a bad mood. Even if the cause was something external, I still worried that I could have done something to prevent it. If I was the cause, I felt horrible, nothing else could make up for it. In other words, I was judging myself based on her moods and whims. On the other hand, if the situation was reversed, she would blame me for not being in a good enough mood. Indirectly, you could say, I was asking to be led by her and it was only a matter of bringing it out in the open.
Joel
HI Kathy - great blog post. I think the pizza analogy is completely wrong because it involves a behavior that is not healthy and makes the erroneous assumption that a femdom lifestyle is unhealthy even if both husband and wife agree to it.
Instead of a pizza, what if that behavior was exercising for man's health and the wife did what she could do to encourage her husband to exercise to a deeper, more consistent, and more healthful level.
By being John's Mistress-Wife you are demonstrating your love for him and allowing him to share his love for you in the most profound way that he can. I think of your blog as love story between you and John.
mt
Kathy,
You once wrote a blog entry about you going on a date with a man not your husband. John got really angry and played with your blog. You followed it up saying that if you had to establish a new relationship with a man you would not choose a femdom relationship.
I think you already know what I am going to say, but femdom is not healthy for the afflicted man. Giving him what he wants is no different than giving drugs to an addict, booze to an alcoholic, gratuitous praise to a narcissist, unlimited pizza to an obese slob, take your pick. I've used the example before but if your husband needed to believe he was Napoleon then would you accommodate him by playing Josephine or would you demand he got professional help? With the latter he might get hold of himself and live a better life. One that you as his wife would enjoy as well. Playing Josephine means a life of keeping secrets, constantly convincing yourself you did it for love and that it is better this way even though you are ashamed to tell people about it. His affliction begins to negatively effect the people around him. Do you think Becky would live the femdom life if she hadn’t seen here parents living it? And worse if she hadn’t her father preparing her to play it as an adolescent?
I know these things not from some theoretical third person point of view. I have a deep understanding of human behavior, despite how one idiot replied to me. I am an old man now, but in my young life I was afflicted with both a submissive streak a mile wide and obesity. They are not foreign concepts to me. They separated me from the healthy people and relationships in society. I was "off the charts" on both counts. Several times professional dommes left the room crying because they could not stand to do another person what I wanted them to do to me. I have, with great effort, put these afflictions behind me. It was not easy. Both of these problems gained hold of me before I twelve years old. I didn't stop resisting them until I was in my forties.
One of the things I found most helpful was to spend as much time as possible around normal women. Time and again I would realize they wanted anything but a submissive man. They wanted something slightly opposite. When women told me that they thought submissiveness and/or obesity were disgusting they were doing me a favor with their honesty. Over a long period of time I realized that if I wanted an honest relationship, one where the woman was not pretending to enjoy something she really didn’t, either to sustain the relationship or for pay, then I had leave the submissive thoughts behind and be the man they wanted, not make them be the pretend domme I wanted. I realized this was an element of manhood.
To you Kathy, and to anybody reading this, do not let unnatural desires claim your life. Do not facilitate people with them as that will make things worse for all involved. They are not some alternative to be tolerated, even celebrated, as a form of diversity as another idiot replied to me. They need to be recognized for the destructive behavior that they are and resisted by all involved.
Before anyone throws the usually responses at me know that I am not religious, I am an atheist. I am not saved by some 12 step higher power. I am trying to help people who are lost in their fantasies and those around them to return to health as I did. Its worth it.
The pizza author.
Kathy,
You once wrote a blog entry about you going on a date with a man not your husband. John got really angry and played with your blog. You followed it up saying that if you had to establish a new relationship with a man you would not choose a femdom relationship.
I think you already know what I am going to say, but femdom is not healthy for the afflicted man. Giving him what he wants is no different than giving drugs to an addict, booze to an alcoholic, gratuitous praise to a narcissist, unlimited pizza to an obese slob, take your pick. I've used the example before but if your husband needed to believe he was Napoleon then would you accommodate him by playing Josephine or would you demand he got professional help? With the latter he might get hold of himself and live a better life. One that you as his wife would enjoy as well. Playing Josephine means a life of keeping secrets, constantly convincing yourself you did it for love and that it is better this way even though you are ashamed to tell people about it. His affliction begins to negatively effect the people around him. Do you think Becky would live the femdom life if she hadn’t seen here parents living it? And worse if she hadn’t her father preparing her to play it as an adolescent?
I know these things not from some theoretical third person point of view. I have a deep understanding of human behavior, despite how one idiot replied to me. I am an old man now, but in my young life I was afflicted with both a submissive streak a mile wide and obesity. They are not foreign concepts to me. They separated me from the healthy people and relationships in society. I was "off the charts" on both counts. Several times professional dommes left the room crying because they could not stand to do another person what I wanted them to do to me. I have, with great effort, put these afflictions behind me. It was not easy. Both of these problems gained hold of me before I twelve years old. I didn't stop resisting them until I was in my forties.
One of the things I found most helpful was to spend as much time as possible around normal women. Time and again I would realize they wanted anything but a submissive man. They wanted something slightly opposite. When women told me that they thought submissiveness and/or obesity were disgusting they were doing me a favor with their honesty. Over a long period of time I realized that if I wanted an honest relationship, one where the woman was not pretending to enjoy something she really didn’t, either to sustain the relationship or for pay, then I had leave the submissive thoughts behind and be the man they wanted, not make them be the pretend domme I wanted. I realized this was an element of manhood.
To you Kathy, and to anybody reading this, do not let unnatural desires claim your life. Do not facilitate people with them as that will make things worse for all involved. They are not some alternative to be tolerated, even celebrated, as a form of diversity as another idiot replied to me. They need to be recognized for the destructive behavior that they are and resisted by all involved.
Before anyone throws the usually responses at me know that I am not religious, I am an atheist. I am not saved by some 12 step higher power. I am trying to help people who are lost in their fantasies and those around them to return to health as I did. Its worth it.
The Pizza Author
Kathy,
You once wrote a blog entry about you going on a date with a man not your husband. John got really angry and played with your blog. You followed it up saying that if you had to establish a new relationship with a man you would not choose a femdom relationship.
I think you already know what I am going to say, but femdom is not healthy for the afflicted man. Giving him what he wants is no different than giving drugs to an addict, booze to an alcoholic, gratuitous praise to a narcissist, unlimited pizza to an obese slob, take your pick. I've used the example before but if your husband needed to believe he was Napoleon then would you accommodate him by playing Josephine or would you demand he got professional help? With the latter he might get hold of himself and live a better life. One that you as his wife would enjoy as well. Playing Josephine means a life of keeping secrets, constantly convincing yourself you did it for love and that it is better this way even though you are ashamed to tell people about it. His affliction begins to negatively effect the people around him. Do you think Becky would live the femdom life if she hadn’t seen here parents living it? And worse if she hadn’t her father preparing her to play it as an adolescent?
I know these things not from some theoretical third person point of view. I have a deep understanding of human behavior, despite how one idiot replied to me. I am an old man now, but in my young life I was afflicted with both a submissive streak a mile wide and obesity. They are not foreign concepts to me. They separated me from the healthy people and relationships in society. I was "off the charts" on both counts. Several times professional dommes left the room crying because they could not stand to do another person what I wanted them to do to me. I have, with great effort, put these afflictions behind me. It was not easy. Both of these problems gained hold of me before I twelve years old. I didn't stop resisting them until I was in my forties.
One of the things I found most helpful was to spend as much time as possible around normal women. Time and again I would realize they wanted anything but a submissive man. They wanted something slightly opposite. When women told me that they thought submissiveness and/or obesity were disgusting they were doing me a favor with their honesty. Over a long period of time I realized that if I wanted an honest relationship, one where the woman was not pretending to enjoy something she really didn’t, either to sustain the relationship or for pay, then I had leave the submissive thoughts behind and be the man they wanted, not make them be the pretend domme I wanted. I realized this was an element of manhood.
To you Kathy, and to anybody reading this, do not let unnatural desires claim your life. Do not facilitate people with them as that will make things worse for all involved. They are not some alternative to be tolerated, even celebrated, as a form of diversity as another idiot replied to me. They need to be recognized for the destructive behavior that they are and resisted by all involved.
Before anyone throws the usually responses at me know that I am not religious, I am an atheist. I am not saved by some 12 step higher power. I am trying to help people who are lost in their fantasies and those around them to return to health as I did. Its worth it.
The Pizza Author
Mr. Pizza Author,
I apologize, I didn't get your education or experience level; but only your opinion. Which is yours and as such means a lot to you.
Over my 73 years and more than 30 years in the BDSM world, I've come to understand that there are both dominant and submissive personalities. We all fit into this as human beings and most of us can slide up and down the scale depending on our wants, needs and demands. For instance, I was submissive to my boss and to the government (although it's supposed to work the other way). I was dominant as my job as a cop required. Some of us are at the end of the scale and are whole and complete and appreciated for who we are, not who society says we should be. Some of us are always dominant, some always submissive, but most fit into the pack somewhere in between. Submission is not an aberrant condition, even at the ends of the scale. This is normal and natural for human beings.
Please don't tell me that all men need to be dominant and all women to be submissive. It's never been that way and never will be, even when our culture or society may demand this appearance.
Ms. Kathy has taken on the role of Mistress to her husband because that is what he needs. He needs that at home, but not at work. He is only submissive to those he sees as his wife desires. That is not strange nor wrong in any way; it is an expression of love that both can accept and thrive in. Theirs may be at one end of the scale, but it is both a healthy and happy marriage.
I think you are completely wrong in your appraisal. So wrong that I believe you are speaking from a very stinted and narrow point of view.
Just my thoughts.
Larry
Ms Kathy
While!
The more I read you the more I realize you've acquired the taste of Femdom, like oysters and not at all like pizza. I couldn't fall for a Woman in any submissive sense if she thought of Femdom as pizza and not as maximum oysters or perhaps as honey, if she came to the realization of her Dominant nature or was a Female Supremacist (I gotta admit those are the hottest) on HER own. I hate the idea of telling her "please dominate me". And I think although your relationship started like that you really aren't there anymore. I feel you are really blossoming in your Dominance like a flower, one that grows naturally. Please water that flower and let it grow. Ms Becky and you are both in it for real, not for pizza. I think you are in it for oysters but I think those oysters are slowly being sweetened with honey (although I eat only kosher and have no idea if that makes any sense - oysters are not kosher but Femdom sure is!)
Alex
Dear Kathy,
Because I read a few comments of you doubting if its normal to be your man's mistress and on top the comment of the pizza author,I want to share the following with you:
I want to be with a strong naturally dominant woman, who is leading our relationship, I dont want a partner who is submissive, just as I dont want a partner who smokes.
So am I "not normal"??? Do I have some weird non-smoking fetish ??? or...
Do I just want to be with a strong natural dominant woman???
And I only want the real thing, not the play. And ofcourse I understand its not easy to lead, to control all the time, but I think you get a lot of in return and you have a relationship a lot of women would wish they had.
And for the freedom issue, I believe you are giving John (or in general a sub) freedom, you are not taking it away from him and the pizza doesnot make John fat, he needs it to live, to be the best man you wish for and who I think you have.
So and now we are done with The Pizza lol
And to answer your questions:
Yes I believe your relation is healthy!!
Yes I believe John is happy living this way!!
and No you are not piling too much ..... on top of the femdom relationship!!
Love Tiptease
What do you mean by healthy relationships? Why do you speak for all women? There are many websites and forums where women write about how much they like the lifestyle of the FLR. They don't lie, they really like it.
I think you're just a sexist.
So the Pizza Author admits to being a baby boomer, that generation that loves to lecture younger generations. It was on his generation's watch that women became more assertive and started demanding a better life for themselves and the "tough" boomer men the pizza author admires were completely useless stopping this. No doubt, his generation went along with all this women's liberation so they could give themselves a pat on the back and tell themselves how virtuous and progressive they are while they enjoyed free love at Woodstock. But now he wants to lecture younger generations for the mess he helped create. The fact is these women are not giving back their gains, they've learned to get what they want by being bitches. They can't unlearn this because you can't stuff a genie back into a bottle. So the smart thing to do is to be a good boy and learn to get along with these women, see the good in them and make it work instead of complaining about it. Maybe they'll be better leaders and won't wreck things up the way boomer men did.
Joel
I wonder what the pizza author would say about men who aren't natural submissives, but are in FLRs.
Perhaps these relationships work for them?
Tim
There seems to have been a sizable increase in the number of FLR web sites during the last few years. So there seems to be a considerable interest in Femdom.
I may seem to be contradicting myself, when I suggest that naturally Dominant women and naturally Submissive men may be sparsely represented in the population.
Which leaves an unnamed group, which Ms. Kathy may have identified by description. Women for whom Femdom is an acquired taste. Women for whom Femdom can work for them.
And there may be a second unnamed group. Men for whom Femdom can become an acquired taste.
There may be much more potential interest in Femdom than what one may assume.
Tim
Kathy:
My thoughts about your postings seem to be far more mundane than most of the comments I read above.
From a submissive man's viewpoint, kneeling at my wife's feet seems to be one of the most natural and satisfying feelings that I have ever had. I love her dearly....been married 51 years, respect and admire her, and to humble myself for her in this regard....yes make her the center of my universe, letting her know that someone feels this way about her.....well at times the emotion has brought tears to my eyes.
And a comment about a man submitting to his wife being "unnatural"....I certainly have considered this many times throughout my life.....as I have homosexuality....are they unnatural????
I am a religious man, and recently I read a blog that said if one has a belief in God, then to consider things like submissive men and homosexuality as unnatural would mean that God made a mistake......that one sentence has given me great pause and limited my judgmental view of other people.
Have a great day, and thanks to the pizza man for offering a different point of view.
Steve
My thinking about Femdom has been partly inspired by a post to Domme-Chronicles by Peppa. Quoting her:
"...I've always noted the people who are 'mine'. Which, uh, I sort of haphazardly define as a ...workaday d/s compatability, more or less. There is a potential there that's not full out subness, and doesn't need to be, but they appreciate me as a person and they also 'get' me being dominant".
Peppa indicated that neither she nor her man are really into BDSM.
My impression is that the man isn't a natural submissive, but will acquiesce if the woman is interested in an FLR.
TIM
Pizza man- you present a very narrow view of submission. Embracing your submission is a good thing when done in a healthy way. I agree with Kathy that if you found the right girl that loved you and embraced your submission, things would have turned out much differently for you. Instead you sought out "domms" to satisfy your cravings. A dom does not care about you. A Dom is in it for the money or her own self serving needs. For those chasing their fantasies in this manner, I agree with you that it is self destructive. However I also know that the submissive desire never goes away. My advice for these men is to stop going to doms and focus on finding a woman you can love and be in a relationship with and serve. It will be so much more fulfilling and productive. It is not easy and it is a long journey but in the end you will be happy
Ferns made an interesting point regarding mental techniques.
Posted to the Domme-Chronicles, Aug. 25, 2015-Is It Play Acting?
Quoting Ferns:
"...conversation with a lovely newbie submissive I met in LA. He was asking whether BDSM 'stuff' was 'role play' (same gist as 'play acting'). At some point (after many drinks and lots of talk), I could *feel* our dynamic even though he was not a potential for me, it was just 'there'. I demonstrated snapping my fingers, pointing to the floor beside where I was sitting and saying 'Kneel' and I asked him if he thought it would feel like role playing if I did that. I could tell that he was shocked by his own reaction he would've done it in a heartbeat, he *wanted* to do it even though I was just demonstrating..."
Tim
It just occurred to me that dating could be unique in a Femdom context. A woman might try the mental techniques to see how the male responds. For example, the woman might direct the man to kneel beside her, etc.
Tim
With dating I can see a certain threshold. Is the man willing to conform in a genuine FLR? Or is he simply on his best behavior/being nice because he is dating?
A test might be for him to perform some gesture of respect. For example-assuming the Command Position when so directed.
Tim
Post a Comment