One of the things about femdom is that it operates on so many different levels. The intensity of a femdom relationship maybe be relatively mild where by it consist principally of games and play dates. On those special days the wife plays the part of the mistress while the husband cleans house.
For a little bit of excitement the wife may add a flogger, or have her guy crawl around on all fours.
She may even wear special clothes while the guy remains naked. Yet, when the play session is over both husband and wife go back to their normal way of life. As long as this play works for everyone there is certainly nothing wrong with it. As a practical matter play of this type can serve as a gateway for expanding the boundaries of what a couple is willing to try. It is not unusual for a wife to find that she enjoys giving her husband a list of house hold duties to perform while she goes out with friends. In a sense this type of play adds a dose of reality to the relationship.
Sometime last year I received an email from a young lady who was in the early 'play' stage of her femdom experience. Out of the blue her husband asked if she would take away his credit cards and put him on an allowance. 'Why would he ask for that' was her question to me. The answer to that question was very simple. The husband was looking for real control from his wife. And, for many men femdom games are just a start as to what they are looking for. My question to this lady was simply how do you feel about controlling the money. In a sense this activity of controlling the money was like adding a big spoonful of source to the pizza. The response from this lady was that she was ok with controlling the money as long as it didn't become a bone of contention between them.
As this lady and I emailed back in forth she mentioned that controlling the money was not a strange activity for her as her mother did the same when she was a child. What I suggested to her was to make the control more real by adding a separate checking account in her name only. And, every pay day have the money transferred from the joint account to her individual account. I also suggested that if there was a separate saving account or investment account have it in her name only. And, as a big step forward she might consider having her husband's weekly allowance tied directly to completion of his chore list. 'While, would he really go for that.' she asked me.
This lady and her husband were already in the habit of doing a Saturday morning play date. What all of their play dates involved I have no idea. What I suggested to her was to use the playdate as a special time to talk about his 'behavior'. Talk about his chore list for the week. Did he vacuum the house? Did he pick up the dishes after dinner? Was he on time for work? Did he louse his temper during the week? What was his overall attitude toward the chores. If you brought a girl friend over to watch a movie was he polite to her? For the most part I made the suggestion to build the chore list according to Her wants and Her needs. At the end of the week I suggested the idea of a special time for them to talk. It could be a part of their Saturday play date or not, but the suggestion to her was to keep the talk real. I even discouraged her from doing the talk in some type of a fake mistress voice.
By keeping the voice natural, I suggested, her husband would began to consider her natural feminine tone as his voice of authority. Was this something she could live with, I asked. Yes was the reply, I think.
What I was trying to do was to stress the idea that femdom needs to be about both you and him. If he wants true unbridled authority from the wife, what is it that she wants, I asked. Her response was along the lines that performing household chores was nice, but she wanted her husband to be more than just a maid who worked for an allowance. I didn't hear anything back from this lady for several months. In the updated email she told me that she gave up the entire femdom experiment. Yes, she told me that her husband was great around the house. It was nice to come home to a clean house. It was nice to have a husband who did the laundry, and allowed her time to visit with friends, but the reality was something she couldn't accept.
After dinner one evening she turned on the television while her husband was picking up the dishes and otherwise cleaning up the kitchen. Upon completion of his duties he came into the living room, knelt in front of her, and thanked her for allowing him to be her slave. Upon hearing the slave word, she lost it. At that moment, she realized, the femdom aspect of her relationship had gravitated too far from the fantasy into the reality. In the words of the commenter their was too much pizza in the relationship. That has to be a balance between what she wants and what he wants. Or just maybe the correct words should be between his needs and what she is willing to give.
Love you all for reading.