Just as many of you enjoy reading the blog, I have come to enjoy the comments. In a way it is the comments that complete the blog-your reaction whether in agreement or not means a great deal to me. From what I can gather most of you are indeed happier, more content with life when your significant other is in charge. And, most of you seem to appreciate female discipline as well as punishment when it is necessary. In that regard there was only one comment to the negative. One gentlemen said something to the effect that he would never tolerate a woman who spanked him. There are no right or wrong answers only individual feelings. We are all different, but the majority of the readers of this blog want to be in a relationship with a woman who is not afraid to let her guy know who is the boss.
The thing about femdom is that few men are willing to acknowledge their need for it. Men may talk to other men about sexual conquest, but very seldom admit to wanting a spanking from a mistress wife. As a society we may sometimes think in terms of the 'surrendered wife', but never in terms of the 'surrendered husband'. To a large degree the idea of the surrendered wife is sill socially acceptable, but never the surrendered husband. The idea that a husband should obey his wife is still against the perceived natural order of things. Yet, when we ask why this is so there are no really good answers. In reality there is simply no good reason why a wife should not be in charge of her man.
In this blog I am taking the idea of feminine control one step further. What I am saying is that it is a wife's duty when faced with the issue of a submissive husband to take charge of the relationship.
The embryo of this concept may have been mine. It was Becky, however, who accepted the idea, developed it, and then ran with it. Becky, like me, is not a naturally dominant person. Most women are not. The idea other behind much of this blog is that becoming a mistress wife is not about natural dominance. Becoming a mistress wife is a 'learned' experience. What is needed more than anything else is an open mind as well as a willingness to try new ideas.
When Becky and I first stated talking about the changes in our marriage she was more than just a little bit upset. 'Mom', I heard, 'how could daddy have done those things'. Then I heard questions like did you really have a job where you put men on leash's. 'Yes, and sometimes walked them around the quarter', I replied. And, there were men who were made to lick my shoes clean, I told her. Confessions are not always easy, but they are good for the soul. As we gradually talked through what had happened Becky developed a kind of general understanding of why her parents had changed
Understanding was one thing. Acceptance was another.
Love, Kathy
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21 comments:
I didn't say I would never tolerate a spanking from my wife. I noted the huge difference between having submissive fantasies and what I have read on this blog and how I have a problem with the punishments and the mindset of the women giving them as described here.
Once it becomes real, now your wife is a oerson who, at times, intentionally and deliberately sets out to hurt you and inflict real suffering and distress upon you. The knowledge that my wife would want to really hurt me and see me suffer would inevitably alter the way I look at her and feel about her.
This issue was exacerbated by what I read here because some of the punishments have a real meanness to them, Becky's spanking David with the bristle side of the brush is an example. The fact that she does that means there had to have been a moment where she actually sat down and contemplated what she could do to hurt him more and increase his suffering. That would be really tough to take.
I know a woman who has had 2 FLRs. Both ended up as failed relationships. She described the spankings that she gave those guys, and they were horrifying, and her sense of "justice" as to when she gave them was sorely lacking in any real sense of fairness.
Once I learned that about her, I never looked at her the same again. She talks a big game about being empathetic and caring, but it doesn't square with her actions at all.
So,'the fantasy is strong. It is far easier for me to act it out in real time in a place like the "Studio" described here because I have no real emotional connection or dependence on the women which could be compromised as in the case of a wife who really sets out to hurt me.
For Anonymous,thank you so much for sharing. There are certainly real differences between the fantasy and the reality. In the studio I would sometimes give men a 'play' type of spanking. There might of been a little sting associated with these spankings, but Becky tells me her spankings with the hair brush are real. David, she tells me is afraid of these spankings, but he accepts them. What she also tells me is that the spankings serve to improve his attitude. One of the first times she spanked him was on our ski trip several years ago. At the time John and I had no idea what had happened, but for the remainder of the trip David was in a far better mood. Sometimes I think men need a real spanking just so they knew their wife is really their mistress. For some men the reality of having a mistress wife is much more important than the fantasy. I am not really sure? What I suspect is that many of you know far more about this topic than I do. Kathy
The question for me is should a woman inflict real physical pain on a man she loves?
What I will tell you about Becky is that she will not accept any type of disobedience or lack of respect from David. They love each other, but she is firm with him? Kathy
Kathy:
I am of a generation, first year baby boomers, when women were thought of as frail and submissive creatures; and men were men. Any hint of a crack in the dominant male persona could lead to at least ridicule and perhaps hazing, bullying, and public humiliation of a young boy. Something I can personally attest to from my youth.
I think for many men there is a great fear of being outed by their male friends and associates as “less than a man” if in any way we publicly demonstrate deference and obedience to the Woman in our lives. Showing this “weakness” is kind of like breaking the cardinal rule of manhood. Heck we have a brotherhood don’t we????? Hence, men seldom talk about this at all with other male friends.
Also, some of us consider ourselves gentlemen with regard to our personal lives with Women to whom we are married or dating. I would never share intimate details of my relationship with my wife, or any dating partner, with my friends. I may be out of the ordinary here, but I do believe most of us mature men have some discretion. And in this case mature does not me chronologically. So at least on the surface being in a FLR has some intimate connotations that should be kept confidential, unless of course the wife would like it to be publicly known that she is in charge of our relationship.
In spite of my reluctance to share publicly with anyone my desire to be spanked or punished by my mate, I still do believe that a dominant Woman should punish her submissive husband when punishment is called for. And that would go for me as well.
Of course if it truly is a punishment, not just a funishment, the resulting discomfort should be somewhat remedial….something that both sides should be looking for.
And if my wife takes the time and effort to correct me, work with me, to teach me how to better care for her and meet her expectations, to me it is a great sign of the love and concern she holds for me.
And of course punishment allows me to know exactly where I stand with the wife: How well I am serving and caring for my wife. Without the punishment I am often left guessing or having to interpret words, or lack of words to sort out where we stand with one another.
To me, once the punishment has been administered it is clear what changes are expected, and transgressions are now put in the past and we can both move on.
Steve
For Steve
Thank you sweetie for the well thought out comment. It was very well said, and I agree with what you said. Of course, society is evolving. I think there is less need for males to project a macho image than there was in the 1950s.
Your story reminded me of what happened to a boy in my dance class. It was a little neighborhood dance school. All of the pupils were girls except for this one boy.
Since the school was in the neighborhood all of the other boys knew that this one child was taking dance lessons with the girls. He was ridiculed and teased something awful by the other boys. Would that happen today? I am not sure, but I think not.
Correction and punishment clears the air. It provides a means to move forward.
What is controversial is the means of punishment. My choice when necessary has always been withdrawal of privileges with corner time. Becky believes in a spanking with the hair brush. It is a matter of individual choice.
Love, Kathy
One of the trickiest issues is how much to allow manly service, not just the traditional feminine service like housework. While the latter seems to the focus of femdom relationships, there would seem to be a significant place for the latter. For example, somebody needs to keep the cars running, somebody needs to tackle home repairs, and somebody needs to be responsible for protection from intruders. It would seem that it would be very beneficial to have the husband do manly things as well as take over the usual female chores, but with the wife being the queen of all of that. This would be all the more important when the femdom relationship is happening in more of a rural rather urban area.
Joel
HI Kathy - I agree that in a Female Led Relationship that there needs to be consequences for behaviors of the male that the woman does not care for. It does clear the air. In my FLR marriage I would prefer to be spanked by my wife for those behaviors she does not appreciate. But as you say in your comment above it is a matter of choice - the wife's choice. Although she has spanked me on occasion she fears that she might injure me. Like you, my wife's preferred method of punishment for me is corner time. At first I didn't think that 10-15 minutes in the corner was much of a punishment. So she decided to lengthen how long I am required to stay in the corner. Now it is more like an hour or more. I can tell you that standing in a corner of our bedroom, naked, with my hands behind my back, and not permitted to talk is a real punishment. It certainly gives me plenty of time to think about my behavior and how I need to improve. It's also quite humiliating to have to stand in the corner unmoving and silent while I can hear my wife coming and going throughout the house, humming to herself, chatting on the phone etc. I do find the corner time assigned to me to be a true and deserved punishment. I'd much prefer to be spanked severely and get it over with in a few minutes than to spend an hour or mroe alone in my corner.
vic
Thank all of you for the comments. On many of the blogs there is an emphasis on men doing traditional types of women's work. I am not sure why. I like to watch a man working with his muscles. One of the task given to John is to take my car for gas.
He also takes it in for service such as oil changes. My father used to do routine maintenance on the car himself. Modern cars are too complicated. Also, I love to watch a well built man work without his shirt.
And vic, I would like to share with you and your wife that we do corner time a little differently. Instead of standing John is on his knees, and he keeps a coin pressed between his nose and the wall. If the coin falls the timer is started over again. And yes, if you are wondering, he hates it.
Love, Kathy
Mistress Kathy
Submitted with the permission of my Mistress/Wife
i have heard many times, we are all different. In truth we are not all “that” different. For example, males, of the human variety at least, have many things in common. All one has to do is observe. From a very young age, boys want to know the “rules”. They argue insentiently about the “rules” and they absolutely love to test them. Boys are frequently told “rules” are for their own good. Rules will help them be better athletes, students, adults, etc.. For most of us males, it takes a long time for that concept to sink in.
As slow as we are to accept rules, we do expect rules to be enforced and rule breakers to be dealt with appropriately. School sports. military service, on the job, all have their rules. Some rules are straight forward; don’t block your opponent from behind, don’t point a gun at anything you do not intend to shoot, come to work on time, etc. Of course, there are more subtle, unstated but well known rules, i.e. on the job a certain level of performance is expected, in marriage you are expected to be faithful, parents are expected to care for your children. Nothing angers us more than other males getting away with breaking the rules.
As we grow older and perhaps wiser, we become more self disciplined. We are aware of the “rules”. We are aware of the potential consequences of breaking them. We become aware of our personal accountability, along with the possible discipline and/or punishment that will accrue from disregarding the “rules”.
The purpose of discipline/punishment is to change behavior. Punishment is not a demonstration of a lack of caring. On the contrary, If the authorities didn’t care, they would let you drive drunk, killing yourselves in the process? If the coach didn’t care, why would he bother to insist you perform up to your potential? If a wife didn’t care, why would she not just take your money and walk away?
We men, young or old, have our quirks. We grow out of many but, some linger; we drink too much, drive to fast, spend too much on our toys, gawk at attractive women. We have sexual fantasies; the neighbor woman wants us awful bad, we stand naked before a group of women who admire the length and girth of our penis. Well, you get the idea. Some of our fantasies are outside the social norm, the most relevant example being femdom. We fantasize about being submissive to a woman, especially a woman we love. We want her to be pleased with us. We want to make her life better. If she embraces this submission, then she knows we males love and need our rules, she knows how much we desire to be held accountable and she uses this knowledge to raise our level of happiness. Her love, her caring, help us be better men, better husbands and better human beings. Some of her rules are petty and capricious but is that different from some military or on the job rules? Some of her punishments are silly and childish; standing naked in the corner, being sent to bed early or being spanked with the bristle end of a hair brush. This Mistress/Wife of yours, cares about you, loves you. You don’t like that?
jj
As a male recently married, I had a hard time finding a woman who would understand that males today do not want to be in charge. I've dated older women and one in particular decided that I needed spankings. Punishment spankings, at first I resented but then understood and accepted. The woman I married is strong willed, understand my needs, and also understand the role of the wife is changing. It was a month or so after we started dating that it was her mentioning that at times she wanted to spank me. I told her of the older woman who did, and how I became to accept it. We had been out with friends and I said and did a couple of things she did not like, once back at her apartment, she let me have it, I stood and said nothing. She then said your grounded young man, and said your getting a spanking. I was told to strip down to my underwear and I did slowly. She had pulled a chair to the middle of the room and was sitting when I finished. Stand before me young man and I did, and to my shock she pulled down my underpants and told to step out of them. I popped out, she had me over her lap and her hand stung and my bottom got very warm. Face the wall she said sternly and getting off her lap I did as told. She had me stay there for a good half hour. Get dress she said we are going shopping and if I thought the spanking was bad, she was shopping for little boy pj's, she found them and the sales lady said, your little boy will like these. She smiled and said I know he will and we were soon back to her place. We were married a couple of months later, we found a nice home just out of town. The spankings continue, the little boy pj's when very bad I must wear them, no matter the time of day. A few of her friends have seen me and know I've been spanked. Our marriage is strong, I learned deep down this is what I needed, not the pj's, but accept it. Our sex life is wonderful, we decided to have no children, she said one is enough. Sex and spankings do not mix, he rules. The ritual for spankings have changed over time, but she has finally settled on the one being used today. I go to the bedroom, undress, get my pj's, and go to the front room. I hand her the pj's and she scolds me. She recently read somewhere that a spanking is more effective is the erection is addressed first. She takes a towel and wraps my penis and strokes it hard and fast and I cum quickly. My spankings last until I'm nice and red and when done I face the wall. When I'm call from the wall, the pj's go on and I must say I'm sorry and my wife I address as Mommy for the rest of the day or until told otherwise. Joe
If you learn a good meditation technique, it will make the corner time much easier to endure. Personally, I favor mindfulness meditation. It keeps you from focusing on the unpleasantness of the circumstance, and it is that focus that makes the corner time so difficult. Plus, there is no audible indication you are doing anything, so she will never know.
Yes, meditation may help with the mental process, but John will tell you that his knees and back start to hurt after only a few minutes.
And, for Joe, some women have more of a 'mommy' complex. And, that is what some men want. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is different than the focus of this blog. What I see in my daughter is the desire for a strong male figure that can take charge of the children-not become one of them. And yes, Becky may supervise him, but she expects David to be a responsible person. She is the captain, but David is her first mate. But, I bet you are quite in those little Pjs.
Love, Kathy
How does she define the level of distress she is willing to inflict on him? Does he have a safeword? Does she stop when he exhibits certain signs of distress like cryiing, begging, convulsing, difficulty breathing, becoming limp and non-responsive? Was any of that mutually agreed upon or just unilaterally imposed by her?
Does she worry about breeding anger and resentment?
Once you start hurting someone, there are a lot of variables and things that can go wrong.
Being required to stand in the corner is not pleasant at al. It's not supposed to be. I am atoning for offending my wife and Mistress. I find that the purpose of my corner time is not to try to make it through it by meditation. Rather I try to spend that time thinkinking about how I have hurt someone I love deeply and how I can become a better husband and slave for my wife. Although I am not fond of being placed in the corner I do find it to be a positive and worthwhile experience.
Kathy , how does your John feel about the corner time you assign him?
vic
For vic, from what I have observed John has conflicting emotions related to corner time. For one thing it is a highly humiliating experience for a grown to be placed in the corner like a child. On the other hand he is old enough and mature enough to understand the reason for it. It gives him a type of quite time to meditate. But, he is on his knees, and it becomes quite painful after a little while. Getting through the time requires a certain degree of concentration. And, it does clear the air.
In my experience punishment when it is deserved never causes resentment. In general men wan it and expect it when they do something wrong. Always remember that a man is bigger, stronger than a woman, yet he yields to her. Has anyone asked themselves the why of this?
I thought it might be well to add a further comment to the male reaction to punishment.
Working in the studio is was common practice to give men corner time, punish them with a spanking, or use a small 'testicle whip' that the mistress kept with them.
Other punishments included working in the courtyard garden in the hot sun.
When a man completed his punishment assignment the most common reaction from him was to kiss the feet of the mistress who caused his distress. It was almost an involuntary reaction. A part of this reaction may have been to thank her for the punishment, gratitude for ending is, or simply a way for him to acknowledge her superiority. I never understand the 'why' of this reaction, but can that you that foot worshipping comes very natural to many men upon completion of a punishment.
Even with my own husband I am never sure of the reason for this reaction, but it is real. Submissive men simply to not become angry or resentful toward a woman who has the tenacity to punish them. If anything they are thankful. At least they are thankful that the punishment is over with. You thoughts, boys?
Love, Kathy
Being on one’s knees can be painful. How long do you keep John like that?
I don’t like to be punished by my wife and yet at the same time it serves several purposes
1. Allows me to atone for bad behavior
2. Reinforces my wife’s authority over me and our household
3. Creates a kind of intimacy between us. I am so in awe that she is willing to do something for me (punishment) that does not come naturally to her or most other women. Surely this must be an act of love that I am so thankful for.
vic
I'm sure that the knee and back pain are very difficult, especially for an older man wh may be prone to that kind of pain In general.
However, mindfulness meditation is also used to deal with chronic pain because it is a tool for acceptance. When you accept the pain and stop fighting it, it is easier to endure. I have used it during spankings with very good results. It allows me to "sink into" it and become very still.
Its about time to get off of this topic of punishment.
What I generally do is use a timer. When the bell rings John is allowed to stand. How long the corner time last depends on the situation, and very often how he handles punishment. If he doesn't squirm a great deal, accepts punishment as a man I might ring the bell early.
No more questions related to punishment.
Kathy
OK. Would love to hear your and others’ thoughts on how femdom creates/strengthens intimacy between couples.
Yes, Anonymous, that is a good topic. Does anyone want to share?
Love, Kathy
Kathy,
Without going into details I can say that femdom or a flr did strengthen the intimacy between my wife and I. I used to go off in another direction and often neglected my wife.
It was never intentionally done but it happened. With her in charge i found we were suddenly intimate in physical ways but also we were talking, planning and even laughing more. My wife putting her foot down was obviously what I wanted and needed. It even was a turn on. Her financially taking over was a big surprise, and when she told me I was going to get a weekly allowance I was happy. I discussed chastity play, and we slowly incorporated it into our intimacy. You would think a man locked in a chastity device would have limited intimacy, but just the opposite happened. I’m only limited in one way because we moved on to orgasm denial. But in so many other ways we are intimate regularly. Thanks for the opportunity to chime
In.
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