It is the comments more than anything else that keeps me attached to the blog. This morning there were so many great comments that I hardly know where to start.
Many of the comments over the years have praised me for finding a way to stay with the marriage in the face of John's infidelity. John made a mistake as we all do from time to time. Yet, coming home from that first visit with Tara my heart was crushed. For so many years there had been a 'we', now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. The fact that at that we were no longer a couple opened a chiasm in my heart that was wider than the grand canon. Turning into my drive way that day of the first meeting with Tara I stopped the car to look at the big empty house in front of me. The house seemed so large and so lonely. Through out the meeting with Tara and the drive home I was able to keep my composure. At that moment in the driveway I broke down into tears.
Looking at the house my mind wondered back to all of the good times we had there. I thought of the family dinners with the children, the Christmas mornings opening presents and realized that those times were over. I also remembered the words my mother spoke to me while helping in the kitchen. Marriages are made in heaven, but lived on earth she would tell me. Marriages, she told me, need to be worked at. There will be difficult times she warned. As I grew older she talked more about relationships. Catholic wives are supposed to be the heart and soul of a family. It was the wife she told me who was charged with the responsibility of infusing the Holy Spirit into the family. Exactly how I was to do this was always something of a mystery, but those words stayed with me.
That first meeting in the studio lasted well over an hour. For me it was a surreal experience. The nearly naked house boys- older men coming and going politely responding to every instruction were something from another world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined grown men acting as subservient toward women as they were with us. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that until a few days earlier John had been one of these servile males clinging to Tara's every word waiting for her next command. 'Why', I asked myself. At that moment there was no good answer.
In that first meeting Tara did almost all of the talking. Those of you who have followed the blog from the beginning may recall the words she repeated to me. 'At least he is not an axe murderer' she would say. It took me a little while to realize what she was trying to tell me. There are a lot worse things in the world than being a submissive man. In a recent comment I'm Hers asked if I was happy living as a mistress wife. The answer is yes, but it took some time. In the world I grew up in the man was supposed to be the leader. The wife was supposed to be the support person taking care of everyone else.
From Tara's prospective the purpose of the meeting was to tell me that John's behavior was perfectly normal. The world is full, she told me, of men who want nothing more than to live as obedient servants to women. Is that such an evil thing she would then say. The problem she told me is that society expects men to be in charge, to be the leaders. Not only society at large she said, but wives and girl friends want the traditional type of husband or boy friend. Toward the end of that first meeting she invited me to come to studio on a regular basis to work with the clients so that I could learn what the world of dominance and submission was all about.
Siting in the drive way that afternoon I knew the answer to Tara's invitation.
Love you all,