Thursday, May 4, 2017

Morning Thoughts.

This morning I had to laugh.

One of the sections of Yahoo that I sometimes like to read is Dear Abbey. This morning the question came from a woman who was tired of seeing her brother 'bullied' by his wife. According to the sister her brother is totally controlled by his wife who is several years younger. She controls who he is allowed to socialize with, his free time, and even what clothes he can wear along with his work schedule. Abbey's response was something to the effect 'is he complaining'. If not she advised the sister not to say anything. On the surface Abbey seems to have missed the obvious point that this woman's bother is a submissive man living with a mistress wife.

In spite of the internet and all the material that are easily available vanilla people do not understand dominance and submission or femdom marriage. Most women are not even aware that there are submissive men in the world. They are usually sweet men who need the authority of a woman in their life. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. The title of my blog Femdom 101 is meant to sound something like a basic course taught in a university or college. There should be a place where women can go to safely learn  about submissive men in a pre Cana type instruction. My two basic psychology courses said nothing about wives taking control of their husbands. My introduction to femdom came as an unpaid intern in the studio. In the time I spent working there I learned more about men and women than at any other time in my life.

The studio was indeed a dominatrix type of place when men paid for services. What made it special was that it gave men much more than a type of dungeon experience. The mistress owner understood that the real way to control men was through the mind rather than the whip. She talked  at length with her clients. She learned their hopes as well as their fears. She knew how to make the experience as real as possible. She is the one who taught me the value of basic commands such as Command Position. One of the things I quickly observed was that men loved to be placed in what was a most humiliating position. In that simple position with the toes, knees, and elbows on the ground the woman is in total control. The male is trained to remain complexly motionless until being allowed the privilege of rising. 

When John first came home we practiced 'Command Position' on a daily basis. It was not so much about simply learning the position as it was conditioning him to automatically  respond  to the signal. It is easy for a man to respond to command in the privacy of the home, but the trick is to have them so conditioned that they instantly respond in any environment at any time. In the studio a man would be slapped if he waited a second or decided to take a quick look around before executing the command.

As a training tool the concept of Command Position is that a man should instantly obey the instructions of any female any place any time. The idea is that a woman's commands should never be second guessed. Even in the studio I could see how this type of training tended to build us a sense of trust in the clients. After a few sessions of intense training men would become more obedient in a general type of way. In the military basic soldiers learn how to drill and march to commands of senior officers. It is not really about learning to drill as much as it is about teaching them to follow orders.

In recent years John and I have gotten away from the daily use of Command Position. In the kitchen that morning my sense told me that it was time to remind John that he was still my little slave boy who was subject to my every command. Yes, he needed that. And yes, if submissive men have the feeling that mistress no longer cares they often become grumpy and even petulant or envious of the freedoms of an eighteen year old.

Love, Kathy


MRBILL said...

I agree that a submissive man needs regular reminders of who is in control. This also lets him know that his mistress knows who is in control. I think this is something, just like saying "I love you" on a regular basis, that is essential for a FLR.

Regarding your comment about the name of your blog, I agree that this is one the very best places for someone to learn about the basics of a femdom relationship. You state in your sidebar intro that this is the story from the beginning of how you came to be in this type of relationship. I have been a reader for quite some time and know about the problems that have caused you to occasionally delete all prior postings. Unfortunately, that does leave anyone finding your blog now to be missing out on so much very good information about the evolution of your FLR.

I would encourage if at all possible to make that information available again. I know that the most recent retraction of the blog was due to someone stealing your writing and selling it as a book, of all things. Perhaps publishing your own book would serve the purpose of helping spread the word about the very real benefits of understanding and undertaking a female lead marriage.

Greg said...

I am very glad that I was able to read about Tara's studio, and her methods prior to this information being eliminated. This was very enlightening to say the least. Although I would not be a good candidate for a full time FLR; an environment like Tara's place would be very compelling, and enticing for sure. It really impressed me that Tara was able to operate her establishment like she did, at such a young age of twenty five.

Kathy said...

Just a quick note about Tara. We never really became close friends because of what she did with my husband. I understood that she gave John something he couldn't get at home, but the idea of taking so much money from men was a turn off. After a while I did develop a type of respect for her. From what I understood Tara had a aunt who used her home as something of a studio for submissive men. Understanding that men are often attracted to younger women the aunt invited Tara to work with her as a means of paying for college. She actually contacted me a couple of years ago. While her real name is not Tara she did recognize many of the places we talk about on the blog. While she is no longer in the life style on a professional basis she remains married to the nice gentlemen who was introduced to me as her slave husband.

After the storm destroyed her business she went back to graduate school to complete her MBA. She is now a financial advisor helping clients plan for retirement. I asked if she sometimes misses the studio. Yes, she said, she misses the men. What about the women I asked. No, she responded except for a few they were mostly too bitchy.

While Tara did take money from men she was not a home wrecker. A strict rule of the studio was too always protect the identity of the men. Understanding John's extreme need for control she gave me the opportunity to work with her, to learn, to better understand and to grow. For that I am eternally grateful. Her willingness to share is what saved our marriage.

Love, Kathy

Sandra said...

I agree that vanilla people do not understand Femdom marriages. They can't seem to get past what they perceive as some perversion. They don't understand that those of us in these relationships just have some different needs. FLR marriages will either work or not work for the same reasons that vanilla relationships grow or fail. For a relationship to prosper the people involved should ideally be on the same page and be working towards a common goal. And this applies to FLR's every bit as much as vanilla marriages. People do change and desires, needs change. But I don't think two very different people desiring two very different outcomes will eventually work things out. Whether the relationship is vanilla, or any level of Femdom. I know couples from both extremes of this lifestyle, but most are right in the middle. Some are happy with a very mild form of Femdom, something barely distinguishable from a vanilla marriage. While a few manage to find happiness with a relationship closer to what we see on the web. While most find something between these two positions just right for them. With few exceptions, those that would be harmful, I don't have any problem with the level of Femdom chosen by a couple. As long as they can both agree and enjoy where they are at. Just as in vanilla situations, what's right and works for one couple doesn't have to be the way it should be for everyone else.

Training should be more about training the mind than anything else. After all, that is where the submission or the dominance is based, that's where the needs are born and met. And how you're getting there should be the personal choice of every couple contemplating this lifestyle. Personally I have seen that rules, regulations, protocols, expectations as well as consequences and rewards are more important than any whip. It's not that corporal activities don't have their time and place in many Femdom homes. It's just that there is way too much emphasis placed on them.

There is a danger in letting too much of life get in the way of the lifestyle. We all have other things we have to deal with on a daily basis. And it is very easy to let much of our lifestyle slide. To the point where sometimes it's almost becomes nonexistent. Mistress Kathy is right, this can and often does result in grumpy, petulant, disobedient and very unhappy slaves.

Wishful4 said...

Mistress Kathy, I think all of us can identify one or several people who had a significant impact in our lives. It may be the one who should fail us, but gave us a second chance, or the person we greatly admired who had a serious "get your shit together" talk with us when we needed it or were about to screw up everything and ruin a career. On the whole, I hope you view your experience with Tara as a positive in your life although it involved emotional pain. I want you to know that your efforts on this blog are a positive in many lives. Almost all of your posts touch me deeply and are so relevant. I often read and re-read them several times. I also enjoy the comments. Please know that I deeply appreciate you.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I really missed your blog. I find that when you don't blog for a long time I feel less submissive!



very educative. thanks a lot.