This morning I had to laugh.
One of the sections of Yahoo that I sometimes like to read is Dear Abbey. This morning the question came from a woman who was tired of seeing her brother 'bullied' by his wife. According to the sister her brother is totally controlled by his wife who is several years younger. She controls who he is allowed to socialize with, his free time, and even what clothes he can wear along with his work schedule. Abbey's response was something to the effect 'is he complaining'. If not she advised the sister not to say anything. On the surface Abbey seems to have missed the obvious point that this woman's bother is a submissive man living with a mistress wife.
In spite of the internet and all the material that are easily available vanilla people do not understand dominance and submission or femdom marriage. Most women are not even aware that there are submissive men in the world. They are usually sweet men who need the authority of a woman in their life. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. The title of my blog Femdom 101 is meant to sound something like a basic course taught in a university or college. There should be a place where women can go to safely learn about submissive men in a pre Cana type instruction. My two basic psychology courses said nothing about wives taking control of their husbands. My introduction to femdom came as an unpaid intern in the studio. In the time I spent working there I learned more about men and women than at any other time in my life.
The studio was indeed a dominatrix type of place when men paid for services. What made it special was that it gave men much more than a type of dungeon experience. The mistress owner understood that the real way to control men was through the mind rather than the whip. She talked at length with her clients. She learned their hopes as well as their fears. She knew how to make the experience as real as possible. She is the one who taught me the value of basic commands such as Command Position. One of the things I quickly observed was that men loved to be placed in what was a most humiliating position. In that simple position with the toes, knees, and elbows on the ground the woman is in total control. The male is trained to remain complexly motionless until being allowed the privilege of rising.
When John first came home we practiced 'Command Position' on a daily basis. It was not so much about simply learning the position as it was conditioning him to automatically respond to the signal. It is easy for a man to respond to command in the privacy of the home, but the trick is to have them so conditioned that they instantly respond in any environment at any time. In the studio a man would be slapped if he waited a second or decided to take a quick look around before executing the command.
As a training tool the concept of Command Position is that a man should instantly obey the instructions of any female any place any time. The idea is that a woman's commands should never be second guessed. Even in the studio I could see how this type of training tended to build us a sense of trust in the clients. After a few sessions of intense training men would become more obedient in a general type of way. In the military basic soldiers learn how to drill and march to commands of senior officers. It is not really about learning to drill as much as it is about teaching them to follow orders.
In recent years John and I have gotten away from the daily use of Command Position. In the kitchen that morning my sense told me that it was time to remind John that he was still my little slave boy who was subject to my every command. Yes, he needed that. And yes, if submissive men have the feeling that mistress no longer cares they often become grumpy and even petulant or envious of the freedoms of an eighteen year old.