Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Morning Thoughts....

It is the comments more than anything else that keeps me attached to the blog. This morning there were so many great comments that I hardly know where to start.

Many of the comments over the years have praised me for finding a way to stay with the marriage in the face of John's infidelity. John made a mistake as we all do from time to time. Yet, coming home from that first visit with Tara my heart was crushed. For so many years there had been a 'we', now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. The fact that at that we were no longer a couple opened a chiasm in my heart that was wider than the grand canon. Turning into my drive way that day of the first meeting with Tara I stopped the car to look at the big empty house in front of me. The house seemed so large and so lonely. Through out the meeting with Tara and the drive home I was able to keep my composure. At that moment in the driveway I broke down into tears.

Looking at the house my mind wondered back to all of the good times we had there. I thought of the family dinners with the children, the Christmas mornings opening presents and realized that those times were over. I also remembered the words my mother  spoke to me while helping  in the kitchen. Marriages are made in heaven, but lived on earth she would tell me. Marriages, she told me, need to be worked at.  There will be difficult times she warned. As I grew older she talked more about relationships. Catholic wives are supposed to be the heart and soul of a family. It was the wife she told me who was charged with the responsibility of infusing the Holy Spirit into the family. Exactly how I was to do this was always something of a mystery, but those words stayed with me.

That first meeting in the studio lasted well over an hour. For me it was a surreal experience. The nearly naked house boys- older men coming and going  politely responding to every instruction were something from another world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined grown men acting as subservient toward  women as they were with us. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that until a few days earlier John had been one of these servile males clinging to Tara's every word waiting for her next command. 'Why', I asked myself. At that moment there was no good answer.

In that first meeting Tara did almost all of the talking. Those of you who have followed the blog from the beginning may recall the words she repeated to me. 'At least he is not an axe murderer' she would say. It took me a little while to realize what she was trying to tell me. There are a lot worse things in the world than being a submissive man. In a recent comment I'm Hers asked if I was happy living as a mistress wife. The answer is yes, but it took some time. In the world I grew up in the man was supposed to be the leader. The wife was supposed to be the support person taking care of everyone else.

From Tara's prospective the purpose of the meeting was to tell me that John's behavior was perfectly normal. The world is full, she told me, of men who want nothing more than to live as obedient servants to women. Is that such an evil thing she would then say. The problem she told me is that society expects men to be in charge, to be the leaders. Not only society at large she said, but wives and girl friends want the traditional type of husband or boy friend. Toward the end of that first meeting she invited me to come to studio on a regular basis to work with the clients so that I could learn what the world of dominance and submission was all about.

Siting in the drive way that afternoon I knew the answer to Tara's invitation.


Love you all,


Kathy

6 comments:

John Dalton said...

Good Morning Kathy. I have read your blog for some time and have always found it painful to read about your emergence into the Femdom community. It was was obviously painful and far from the idea gradual introduction. I am sure that what you saw at the studio would have caused most women to end the marriage and never look back. There is a an ugly side to a submissive mans desires especially if they can not be fulfilled in the marriage. The need is so great and unfortunately some men make very bad decisions to fulfill their desires. I have experienced the pain of infidelity in past relationships and know the hurt all too well.

At some point you made the decision to embrace John's desires (on you terms ) to preserve the marriage you cherished. It is my hope that women reading this blog ( and a couple others) can avoid the shock and pain you experienced by recognizing the reality of this concept and apply it to greatly enrich their marriage and lives. I think it is so important that women begin to understand that these principles are universal and apply to all men to some degree. Female empowerment cultivates these desires and will lead to incredible balance and happiness within the marriage and home.

Kathy said...

For John,

Thank you for all the contributions to this blog.

Yes, the introduction to femdom was painful.

Yet, another part of the story is how John and I as a couple were able to move past the hurt, the studio, and rebuild our lives in a different way. Although the readers tend to give me credit for moving past the initial difficulties, the fact remains that John is one of the sweetest, kindest men that any women could have desire.

When John was first allowed to come home he was put through hell. It was not out of meanness on my part, but a lack of knowledge of how to live with a husband as a mistress wife.

On my part there was still a feeling of guilt. Why was it he could open up to this other woman, but not to me. In my heart I knew the answer to that question.


Love, Kathy

John Dalton said...

Kathy, thank you for sharing your experiences in such a open and powerful way.

I have no doubt that John is a wonderful man and worth the sacrifices you made. My first marriage did not survive and I still find great regret that we could not overcome our issues. Divorce causes long lasting hurt and pain for the entire family and should always be the last option after every possible effort has been made in reconciliation. I am happy that you and John were able to work past the negitive experience of the studio and actually use the positive principles of Femdom to restore and build a wonderful and lasting marriage . The same principles could have worked in my marriage but the concept was so misunderstood and never applied.

Femdom is something that is almost always introduced by the husband but is rarely accepted by the wife. I know most husbands start with the " studio " fantasy and it is no wonder that women reject the whole concept . However,It is an even greater wonder when a man offers his submission from the heart and finds himself naked in a pool of rejection because because his desires are not " normal " .
Normal if we could even define it in today's culture will guarantee that the marriage will fail in less than 15 years over 60 % of the time. And what about the 40% that succeed? Are they actually happy? It would be my experience that most are not !

As for being hard on John, I bet that he would agree that the experience gave him an opportunity to demonstrate the dept of his love for you.

The guilt that you expressed is common when infidelity occurs but is not a positive emotion and should be left in the past. In a time of calm and knowledge it is easy to look back and find fault with the decisions of the moment. Learn and grow from your experiences and find comfort knowing that in the end you did make the right decision.

Take care,

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

These posts are getting amazing. You touch the point of comments, you say "the comments are what keep me attached to the blog". I have to be super honest here. I used to be one of the readers who most commented and I have been reading your blog going back since almost the start of it. I love it. It's personal for me, to the point that I get sad or angry or happy or other emotions run through me when reading your blog, I care.

The last time I commented I told you I feel less submissive when I don't read the blog for a while. It's true and it's something I've only noticed lately. You wrote that I feel MORE submissive when I read the blog, which is the other side of the same coin... but I want to actually talk about what happens when I don't read the blog for a while. Well... Since there is a HUGE lack of Femdom blogs by Women that are not porn or terrible quality that constantly update themselves on the internet (and I've talked about this before) then that means I hardly don't read anything Femdom at all. Not because I don't want to but because, believe it or not, 2017 or not, there's hardly anything out there to be found! It's incredible but most of us here know it's true.

Anyway... so... I still have hard BDSM tendencies. So I sometimes drift unto... don't want to say this, sorry, but (bad word coming up, cover your ears), maledom!
Or I shift to just a bit vanilla... but I'm not vanilla enough for that to last.

You might think "get a life, don't depend on the blogs! What is this?" That would not be understanding what's going on though. What's going on is not that I don't have a life but that your blog is so consequential, so impacting, that it has impacted the way I think about Women, about sex, about life, about relationships... yes, and my fantasies at night, I obviously admit that too. It's one of my main interests... not the blog but the SUBJECT. There IS NO subject because nobody is blogging about it, just porn, porn, porn. But there's you, there used to be others... there are a few more... There's Mz. Kaylee...

Anyway... so what happens is when you interrupt for very long times your posts, I also do because I can't -- I can't be commenting and commenting when I feel the blog is unstable, insecure, not really there, and then 5 posts in 2 weeks. I just get very confused. I'm sorry, I'm like a little kid - if the adult figures in my life are always absent I get insecure. Sorry about this post. Publish it only if you want to. I love you.

Alex

Kathy said...

For Alex, yes baby you are a sweetheart, and yes your comments do matter. The truth however is simply that I can't be there all the time for you. There are times when there is really nothing to say and like you I have a life out side of the blog. And, yes from what you have told me over the years, you do need a strong, confident lady in your life. You may not need the same type of relationship John and I have, but you do need that special person who understands your need for submission.

As I recall you are close to thirty years old. You need to be one of the adults in the room. Your security needs to come from your own relationships not a blog on the internet. I do love you but what is more important is that you love yourself as well. Be open to new experiences and people. Be proud of you are.

Kathy

Anonymous said...

Ummm. Making him eat magazine pages was a lack of knowledge?