Monday, November 12, 2018


O'gosh, once again the comments are predicating the direction of the blog. And, for me at least that is a good thing. As any one else, besides Joel, had the though that feminism is kind of a dog whistle for female supremacy? 

In response to yesterday's posting Becky gave me a call. 'You know mom, when the guys hear the tap of her heels they immediately get back to working'. In that instance Becky was talking about David's female supervisor. Just like every office people have a tendency to talk, waste time, or play on the computer, but it is all business when they hear the sound of the lady boss coming their way. Becky went on to say that in retrospect the situation in David' s office is not really bad. He had a very good review with a decent pay raise. 'She' also told David that he had a good future with the company. 
'She' was very pleased with David in that he did not show resentment to her promotion. In 'her' view it was still difficult being a female supervisor in a department with men. 'She' also understood that David might have a difficult time working in her department. 

The other email was from a lady who has followed the blog for some time. This lady was commenting on Becky's situation. Yes, she said, feminism has a way of making certain things more difficult for us, but like the song says-look how much we're gained. We still look to our men to be protectors. Walking on a dark street I  clutch John's hand for security. He is my man- my rock when the world becomes a scary place. Thank you Alex for reminding me of this. And, perhaps one of the reasons femdom is not more socially acceptable is the idea that we still think of men as  protectors.

In the office David has learned to attach himself to the new boss. He sees her as a rising star in the company, and he hopes that she will bring him along with her. As time goes by we shell see what happens. It may be that David is one of several who are competing to be in her favor. What perhaps is different about the office situation is that David see the boss lady as his protector.

Since the topic of this series is punishment let me leave you with an idea. Working in the studio I learned a little about the topic from Tara.  She taught me that effective punishment  was about the entire experience. What I once told Becky is that it all starts with discipline. It is important for a man to understand the rules. It is equally important for him to understand that he will be held accountable for any infractions of the rules. In some femdom homes the women allow their husbands a voice in the making of the rules. In other homes the men are simply told. Either way a man needs to understand that the rules and protocols of the home apply to him. After giving David a rule or  protocol Becky will ask David if he understands. She may also have him repeat the direction back to her.

The next phase of punishment is related to the action actually being taken. In most situations the context in which action is taken is more important than the action itself.  In the studio Tara was a master at framing a punishment so that its effects would be magnified. Once I witnessed her giving a client a spanking. She had him naked bent over a bench in the most humiliating position imaginable. She knew he was divorced with an adult daughter. 'What would you daughter think if she saw you like this', she would ask him. With a few simple words she was able to change the context in which the punishment was given. She understood how to make the pain of the humiliation real for this man. She might even threaten to find the daughter or the wife and send them a picture of him in a tutu. She, of course, would never do it, but it made the studio experience more real.

As wives who sometimes punish their men we have a tendency to forget about after care. What we forget is that being punished by a wife is a deeply emotional experience for most men. In a sense punishment strips a man of the emotional attachment to the male ego. It more or less frees his psychic from many aspects of male toxicity. This freeing of the psychic allows the adult man to become the loving, obedient husband that both he and the mistress want him to be. In talks with Becky I have always stressed the importance of after care. In many ways after care is the most important part of the punishment. It is often the part of the punishment that will stay with a man after the sting of the whip is forgotten.

And yes, before going away, I want to say that in a femdom marriage punishment is the duty of the wife. And, for those of you who missed the above statement I will say it once again. In a femdom marriage punishment, when necessary, is a duty of the wife. And there is one more yes. In marriages with older daughters, such as Richard's, it is the responsibility of the wife to educate.

Love you all for reading.



sissy snow said...

the thrill of the daughter finding step daughter and wife were in the car together justin timberlake sexy back came on. at the line i'll let you whip me if i misbehave my step daughter says to mom i wish ..... would let us do that. my wife a little taken aback said what honey and she said whip him when he misbehaves.
shes 13 way to young to know what mom and i get up to. fun tease from my wife that she will tell tho

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

How does aftercare work? Why does it make such a great connction in a couple?

Anonymous said...

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO: "A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes".

Not only is this quote an extremely thinly veiled call for femdom marriages to be mainstream, this is cleverly coded language for a completely female dominated society. She knows and her true audience knows that by the time there is a numerical "equal" 50% balance of power, there would already be an unstoppable momentum that will not burn itself out for multiple generations until the balance shifts to say, about 91% female.

When she says stuff like this, she is not acting in isolation. At this level there are hidden cartels that control public opinion through mass media and social media to get the society they want. All the social trends started that way from top down by these cartels, and were not spontaneous accidents that happened from the bottom up.


Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy

The primary role of men in the future as in the past is fatherhood. i do not mean the sprinkling of seaman over as many females as possible. Rather, i mean the raising of children. Meeting their needs for food, shelter, medical attention, education and safety. Of course, some things change with time; in the not to distant past knowledge of how to raise food was important now, knowledge of how to select healthy store bought food is a necessity. However, the basics of what makes a successful adult are unchanged; respect for others, integrity, dignity, standing by one’s commitments, etc. It is the role of the father to model the behavior he hopes his children will emulate in adulthood. How a man treats his wife, how he serves his community, how he speaks about his fellow man, how hard he works; all are observed by his children and mimicked in adulthood. What a woman thinks of men in general is to a large extent determined by what she thinks of her own father.

Perhaps you have noticed, girls are different from boys! From a father’s point of view, the mythical Billy Bigelow says it all; “you can have fun with a son but, you’ve got to be a father to a girl”. Boys always think they are the top of the heap, they know everything (in their own mind at least), their viewpoint is always correct, they believe everyone likes them. Girls need to be taught their value. They need to learn they should expect the respect of others. They need to know they are smart. Mom’s help with this, Teachers too but, it is the Father who teaches these lessons. This is what fathers are here for, what they always were here for and what they will always be here for.


Unknown said...

Ms Kathy.

I'm single, I only found out about FLRs yesterday on line, so it's all new.
It's almost overwhelming. I know I need a FLR.

However, I am not kinky. Not in the slightest.
I want to submit and serve.

Am I right in hoping I can have a real FLR on day without kink?
I would be grateful for any/as much, guidance as you can spare.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

Why do you think aftercare is the most important part of punishment? Do you think it has to do with what you talked about killing the male ego or is it a separate subject?

Elise Sutton writes "Outwardly the submissive male wants to be dominated by the Bitch. Inwardly he wants both, the Bitch and the Nurturer. It's just that his sex drive and his submissive desires overpower him and he seeks the Bitch first. However, a woman is multi-dimensional with many sides to her nature. She can be the Bitch but she also can be the Angel. Men need both but to some men the sex drive and the desire to submit tends to want more of the Bitch.

Just as the marriage must be about more than sex, the FemDom relationship must be about more than just the Bitch. A healthy relationship must be built on friendship and compatibility. The submissive male must get to know and appreciate all the many moods and sides of the female. The male who only wants the Bitch is out of balance and does not truly understand the female. The submissive male needs to worship the female in all her glory. He needs to enjoy all of the characteristics of the female for only then will he be fit to be a valuable servant to the female. The submissive male must know the female to serve the female.

The submissive male needs the Bitch to discipline him and keep him in line but he also needs the Angel to love him and nurture him."

What is your opinion on this? Do you agree with Sutton?


Anonymous said...

What a lovely posting Joni. Masculinity and paternal responsibilities will change and yet stay the same. As we return to the long repressed Matriarchy Women will be stewarding and changing males behaviour.

Daughters should see the interplay of the power exchange between Women and males. And as you rightly say She must see how Her father respects and obeys his partner. It is a valuable lesson to Her and future generations.

Tamed Husband said...

This post is so accurate about my vulnerability after punishment, I will respectfully ask my wife to read this posting. For me it's a time when my submission is at an incredibly strong level. My wife usually requires me to masturbate to orgasm before punishment so that all desire is gone when the punishment takes place. Perhaps surprisingly this increases my feelings of submission after punishment when I am required to kneel before my wife and thank her. This is the point at which I really want her to drive home her ownership of me an lead me further into the committed submission which I have offered.

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

Yes, I think Feminim was definitely a whistle for Female Supremacy. I just think Female Supremacy was a very controversial idea for older generations that were not born with Females far exceeding in every field because there were no equal oportunities.

However, Ms Becky's generation, which is also mine, grew up seeing how Females just rise to the top everywhere, from the classroom to just, well... where NOT? And I think it's just the begginning.

I think our generation loves Female leadership, trusts it and so far Females have proven to be very caring, wonderful lovers and great... So we're really excited about Females being finally recognized as Superior because it rings true, feels good and makes for a very happy world. I think Female Supremacy is becoming accepted and will be mainstream and I really trust Women to make this an awesome world. I can't wait to give Women all my love, support and melt into their loving hands. Women are the best and most valuable creature ever created! I love Women with all my heart.


James said...

"What we forget is that being punished by a wife is a deeply emotional experience for most men. In a sense punishment strips a man of the emotional attachment to the male ego. It more or less frees his psychic from many aspects of male toxicity. This freeing of the psychic allows the adult man to become the loving, obedient husband that both he and the mistress want him to be. "

Are you kidding me? Yeah, it's deeply emotional. There is nothing more emotional than knowing someone who says they LOVE you will HURT you to satisfy their own wants and desires. There is NO lonelier feeling in the world than to look at a woman and know that her wants and desires are all that matters. If you fail to meet them, you get hurt.

Punishment say: "I will hurt you without reservation." "What happens to you does not matter to me." "I don't care how you feel." "You have no one who unconditionally loves you."

THAT is what it says.

Anonymous said...


I think it'd be great if you talk more about that subject you started about making clear rules, punishing if they are not followed and after care. Fabulous "triangle".


Anonymous said...

I wasn't thinking you'd post but kind of wished you did so I came check. Your blog is so, so good! I love it.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

What do you mean "in marriages with older Daughters it is the responsibility of the Wife to educate"?

Anonymous said...


We have a question (please refrain from answering unless you are Female as we want a Female perspective on this). How should surnames work in a Female led marriage?

Should the groom take the Bride's last name? Should he be allowed to hyphenate? Or should each keep their own name? Should he have a say on this at all?

How would You write an invitation for a wedding for a Wife led couple that You KNOW openly is Wife led? We want to write Ms. and Mr. Sandra Fuentes (Fuentes is Her name of course). That's how W/we should be invited to weddings.

And another question. If the boy is reluctant to submit to the Woman's wishes in this area shouldn't She punish him for that (Yes, there was an argument about it - and Ms Kathy's / Becky's opinion will be considered the final say on this)? Any specific corporal punishment You recommend if so?

Kelly's soon to be family

Anonymous said...

Thank you to all the Women who have commented in this thread. Your comments bring the conversation up to a new level! They are very well written and intelligent comments, thank you All so much!


Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I think You really made a wonderful series about Punishment. I think it really enriched me to read it from a Dominant Woman's perspective. I hope it's not over, because there's a lot more that could be said about Punishment. But I want to stop "telling you" what to do and instead find the courage to think about what pleases you to talk about or not to talk at all...


Let me tell You that finding the courage to please Women has been a hard thing for me - not because I don't want to please them but because sometimes I feel like they don't feel that me pleasing them pleases them - like they don't care. I think it really helps a submissive to know that the Woman wants their submission, acknowledges it and cares about the submissive. It's not even about being disobedient, self centered or anything else. I think I can summarize the reason it's so hard in this sentence: "WHO are you submitting TO?"

That's why it's very important for me that in a Female Led Relationship roles be very clear from the beginning, that both roles be acknowledged and appreciated and that the Female actually leads so that the submissive can follow Her lead. It's not about telling Her that She "has to" lead or anything but just that in order for there to be a FLR at all She just is NEEDED to fulfill that role, otherwise the sub can be super well intended, very obedient and everything, but there's just no FLR because you can't clap with one hand, it just doesn't clap.

Sorry, I don't think I'm topping from the bottom if I say this, I think it's just acknowledging a very important aspect of FLRs that A/all parties, but especially Women, *need* to acknowledge and too often don't.