Good morning to all of you.
Once again it is the comments that give me food for thought as I relay them back to my own experiences.
Yes, having John eat pages from a magazine seemed to make the point that there would be no more porn in his life, but was it the right thing to do. You can always go back in time to question whether this or that was the right decision, but you can't change things. As a mistress you are the one responsible for making decisions that affect your family. What often seems appropriate at one stage of your life may seem very different when looking back on things. What I tell my daughter is try not to second guess her self. Not all of your decisions will be the best ones. Just by assuming the role of decision maker and mistress you become something of a hero to David, I tell her.
The comment from Alex gave me pause to think. Some of you are hooked on the internet for the daily offerings that come with it. The comment from Alex made me realize that a few of you may actually be addicted to this blog. My first reaction is that this is not right. The internet world should never replace the real world . A blog by an internet mistress should aid in the relationship with the woman in your life rather than supplant it. My concern is that men tend to spend too much time on the computer. John is allocated a certain amount of time to serf and relax, but that time is limited.
Almost every where we go there are people looking down at their cell phones ignoring those who are with them. When a husband is in your company there are good reasons for having both his cell phone and his wallet safely parked away in your purse. And, as I tell Becky, take over David's phone every so often just to see who is calling, texting, or emailing him. A well supervised man is usually a well behaved man. A submissive husband in a femdom relationship should have no expectation of privacy from his mistress. It was I'm Hers I believe who once mentioned that every so often Katie will surprise him with a face time call. She has him turn the phone in every direction so that she can see who is with him. In preparing this post I was a little surprised to learn that Becky some times does this with David. Traveling on business he is required to call her when he is back in his hotel room for the evening. She sometimes surprises him with a face time call an hour or so later. It may surprise many of you, but men appreciate this type of supervision from their mistress.
In was back in 2007 that John became aware of several femdom blogs on the internet that he thought had value. He asked permission to follow them. Before giving permission I needed to see what he was asking for. It was during the review that I came aware of the blog by Fd and one or two others that seemed to have value. While I enjoyed reading many of the comments there was something missing. What I noticed was that there were no comments from women. The reaction to my comments was over whelming. What was clear to me was that men were looking for input from women. Not only was it wanted, they were desperate for it.
It was John who suggested that I write a blog based on our experiences. My fist reaction was negative as the idea of a sex blog was repulsive to me. Then it occurred to me that femdom is really about relationships. I am not so old or so foolish as not to realize that there is a sexual component to femdom, but for me at least it is primarily about relationships. When I talk with Becky it is about relationships. Yes, I know that David came to her with a request to be locked. What do you think mom, she asked. If you feel it is good for the relationship than go with it, I told her. Anything beyond wanting them to give me grand children is more than I need to know. Like my John, David is a sweet man who has a distinct need for female authority in his life. A problem for Becky is that she has no friends in the lifestyle.
More than anything else it was the friends in the lifestyle who made the difference for me. These were the women who went to Tara with their husbands for education. She formed them int her 'new comers' group. It gave them a chance to talk with one another, share stories, and sometimes cry together. By invitation I became part of that group.
The last point to make this morning is that I am neither a super hero or a mortar. John may have committed infidelities, but he knew that I would not be willing to accept him as my submissive.
The reality of John's situation was simply that a paid mistress was the only way forward for him.
My reality was having either an up happy marriage with a man who needed a mistress, or learning to be the mistress my husband needed. The lesson I learned was talk to your husband. Talk with him every day. Be open with him and encourage him to be open with you.