Saturday, May 13, 2017

Morning Thoughts.......

Good morning to all of you.

Once again it is the comments that give me food for thought as I relay them back to my own experiences.

Yes, having John eat pages from a magazine seemed to make the point that there would be no more porn in his life, but was it the right thing to do. You can always go back in time to question whether this or that was the right decision, but you can't change things. As a mistress you are the one responsible for making decisions that affect your family. What often seems appropriate at one stage of your life may seem very different when looking back on things. What I tell my daughter is try not to second guess her self. Not all of your decisions will be the best ones.  Just by assuming the role of decision maker and mistress you become something of a hero to David, I tell her.

The comment from Alex gave me pause to think. Some of you are hooked on the internet for the daily offerings that come with it. The comment from Alex made me realize that a few of you may actually be addicted to this blog. My first reaction is that this is not right. The internet world should never replace the real world . A blog by an internet mistress should aid in the relationship with the woman in your life rather than supplant it.  My concern is that men tend to spend too much time on the computer. John is allocated a certain amount of time to serf and relax, but that time is limited.

Almost every where we go there are people looking down at their cell phones ignoring those who are with them. When a husband is in your company there are good reasons for having both his cell phone and his wallet safely parked away in your purse. And, as I tell Becky, take over David's phone every so often just to see who is calling, texting, or emailing him. A well supervised man is usually a well behaved man. A submissive husband in a femdom relationship should have no expectation of privacy from his mistress. It was I'm Hers I believe who once mentioned that every so often Katie will surprise him with a face time call. She has him turn the phone in every direction so that she can see who is with him. In preparing this post I was a little surprised to learn that Becky some times does this with David.  Traveling on business he is required to call her when he is back in his hotel room for the evening. She sometimes surprises him with a face time call an hour or so later. It may surprise many of you, but men appreciate this type of supervision from their mistress.

In was back in 2007 that John  became aware of several femdom blogs on the internet that he thought had value.  He asked  permission to follow them. Before giving permission I needed to see what he was asking for. It was during the review that I came aware of the blog by Fd and one or two others that seemed to have value.  While I enjoyed reading many of the comments there was something missing. What I noticed was that there were no comments from women. The reaction to my comments was over whelming. What was clear to me was that men were looking for input from women. Not only was it wanted, they were desperate for it.

It was John who suggested that I write a blog based on our experiences. My fist reaction was negative as the idea of a sex blog was repulsive to me. Then it occurred to me that femdom is really about relationships. I am not so old or so foolish as not to realize that there is a sexual component to femdom, but for me at least it is primarily about relationships. When I talk with Becky it is about relationships. Yes, I know that David came to her with a request to be locked. What do you think mom, she asked. If you feel it is good for the relationship than go with it, I told her. Anything beyond wanting them to give  me grand children is more than I  need to know. Like my John, David is a sweet man who has a distinct need for female authority in his life. A problem for Becky is that she has no friends in the lifestyle.

More than anything else it was the friends in the lifestyle who made the difference for me. These were the women who went to Tara with their husbands for education. She formed them int her 'new comers' group. It gave them a chance to talk with one another, share stories, and sometimes cry together. By invitation I became part of that group.

The last point to make this morning is that I am neither a super hero or a mortar. John may have committed infidelities, but he knew that I would not be willing to accept him as my submissive.
The reality of John's situation was simply that a paid mistress was the only way forward for him.
 My reality was  having either an up happy marriage with a man who needed a mistress, or learning to be the mistress my husband needed. The  lesson I learned was talk to your husband. Talk with him every day. Be open with him and encourage him to be open with you.

Love, Kathy


Anonymous said...

Talking and sharing somethings is hard to do, the want of a spanking as a male I kept as my secret. I enjoyed the time in the bathroom with the pictures and it helped a lot. I was dating an older women, they are more mature and I feel more comfortable. It was one of those times, she dropped by, and hearing some sounds soon was looking at me as I sat on the toilet with penis in hand. Care to explain as she picked up the magazines. I said nothing, then she smiled, best finish what your doing young man, we need to talk about this. I did finish, clean myself off, was pulling up my pants and she stopped me. I will be doing the talking, so best undress and get to the kitchen, I will be waiting. I walked in naked, saying nothing, the pictures laid out on the table. This is what you want, I finally told her the whole story, she told me I should have confided in her at first. She then shocked me, time for some rules young man and she started with no masturbating, no more naughty words, and best I do as told. Now get over my lap and slowly I did and her hand warm my bottom and stung my bottom and soon I was squirming, kicking, and pleading. You face that wall now she said as I stood up and best no rubbing. When she called from the wall and sat me on her lap I told her I needed that, well good, that will not be your last spanking and it was not. So this male admits to needed to be spanked, say what you wish, but I feel so good after a spanking and she is now my wife and will not tolerate much and spankings are a part of our life. Jeffery

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy,

You would probably look great in a super hero cape BTW. :)

You hit the nail on the head with there are not many "good" fem-dom blogs written by women. I don't need/want to read about the porn side of Fem-Dom as a submissive living in a WLM. I think most subs have questions as to what we do as opposed to others. I don't want to copy other WLM's but it would nice to read what others are doing, how the sub/slave is handled etc. His training etc.
I completely agree that house rules apply and what my wife does and says goes but for whatever reason we subs like to know what others do. I'm thinking as I'm laying across her lap getting my ass blistered of what I did to cause this, how much this hurts and will for awhile and do other subs get punished like this? Her hand, the brush or the cane and then the corner time.
The beauty of your blog is you give us a peek of how John is/was handled. Command kneeling at a snap, cleaning naked, eating some paper etc. It's very real.
Your daughter put her hubby in a device at his asking. I did the same thing and all I can say is be careful what you ask for. After 10 years of wearing a device she decided that I could be trusted to not play with myself. (it use to be a slight problem) She keeps the device handy and in full view in her closet and at her command she could tell me to put it back on till further notice and I would, fast.
What you end up with is well behaved sub husband (95% of the time) that wants to never go back in that thing but trained well enough to know it could happen at any moment. I love the power she has and frankly a little scared at the same time. :)

I guess anything you care to share is appreciated by the masses out here. I enjoy your blog very much and I hope you keep posting.

Happy Mothers Day!!

Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

Hi Kathy. Your observation about the value of talking to others who are into these lifestyles is an important one. I really wish my wife had that kind of personal network, but she doesn't. I think it would really help her develop her own sense of power and leadership if she had other women to talk to about it. And, doing it through anonymous on-line relationships really is not a substitute. One reason I started my blog was I wanted to provide a venue for men in the lifestyle to share and discuss things, and women as well, but I really don't fool myself that it is the same thing as having a real-life conversation with someone.

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,

My wife and I have been in a FLR for a while and she likes to use different levels for how submissive I must be. It is completely up to her which level I am at and how long I stay in a level.
Level 1 is more everyday life were we both go about our business. I still do everything she asks of me, but it is very casual.
Level 2 is stricter were I have limits to what I can do without permission, such as use the restroom, or get a drink of water. I may ask permission to do other things, such as drink a soda or run to the store. I am not allowed to do anything in this level that would hinder me from following an order with 30 seconds.
Level 3 is 100% slavery. I don't even go to the bathroom with out permission. In fact I can't even ask to go. I am at her beck and call and spend countless hours simply waiting for her to need me.
All 3 levels have their +/- but level 3 is by far my favorite as I can totally get into my subspace and don't have to worry about anything, but pleasing my Mistress. Unfortunately most of my time is spent in level 1 due to our children.

Thanks for the great blog.

slave s

Anonymous said...


Pretty darn good advice for marriages/relationships at any stage of life.

Thanks for sharing.


John Dalton said...

Good Morning Kathy . I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day. You are certainly one special woman .

I agree with you that a FLR or Femdom is about building a lasting and powerful relationship . Certainly I have always had the same kink fantasies that I think all men have but I have never had a desire to Visit a studio . I always wanted the " real thing " and paying a woman for that service would never satisfy me . I have always wanted a woman that enjoys being empowered and truly desires my submission. Unfortunately it would seem that finding a woman like that is virtually impossible. I think to some women the term " submissive " might mean weak. I am far from that. I am very driven, fit ,successful, masculine, and have never had an issue attracting a woman's attention . I was married for 20 years, raised a family of four and have just finished paying for the last one to complete her masters degree. Although I took care of the house inside and out while building a successful career my marriage was never a FLR. My wife was very selfish and lazy but would have never considered anything beyond a 50/50 relationship. I know sounds crazy , she got all the benefits of a FLR but never accepted or desired the lifestyle. Ok, back to my point , the world is changing and men are becoming more open about their desires to serve and please the women in their lives. It is no wonder that blogs like this get so much attention from men because they cannot fulfill these desires any other way. There are simply no women who " get it" . Sadly I encounter women everyday that so desire a mans attention but just do not understand that it is not the make up on her face but the make up of her attitude that attracts men. A woman that embraces her power and is willing to accept a mans desire to to serve will never find herself alone or in need. I have challenged my future wife to crawl up on that pedistal each day ( I used the term Crawl because it is so difficult for most women) before she leaves home . She is absolutely amazed at the difference it makes ! Men fall over each other to open doors and gain her attention. She has been ask out more times in the last year than her whole life !

I absolutely agree with your final comments about talking but again this is very difficult for most couples in a vanilla relationship and even more difficult for a couple trying to develope a FLR. Talking about the relationship makes it real and powerful and brings acceptance to the whole concept.

Great post, than you for sharing as always.

Anonymous said...

My husband I love so much, it was not long after we were married that he confided in me his need for the wife to take charge. He was spoiled as a child, got what ever he wanted and now needed help in being an adult. I told him I loved him, but notice his behavior, attitude, and admitted deep down I wanted to change him. I also said if this is what you want, then I will, but I make the decision as to how to address your needs. He agreed and so it was maybe a week later that he acted foolish, very childish, that I took that first step. I was straight and to the point and told him he best do as told and no talking back, oh that look in his face was something to behold he was scared. To the bedroom, undress I told him, and best be standing, hands at side when I come in. He was, what he did not know that I found his porn magazines, he said nothing. I just sat down and told him welcome to his new world.
I spanked him soundly, I scolded him, I spanked harder when the topic of porn magazines was addressed and the money spent on them. He was kicking, squirming, promising the world, but I continued warming his bottom. When I stood him up, I said no rubbing and best get to the front room quickly and he did covering his spanked bottom. He stood facing the wall, while I read a magazine. It was when he finally said he was sorry, I told him to stand before me. Sorry is a first step, but that does not excuse your behavior and wasting our money. Any more hidden and he said yes, he went and got them and handed them to me. Get back to the wall I said and looking at them, there were very disgusting. I then said the discussion was not over, please he said, I will be better, I know I said, but I need to insure you understand, Yes Mam he said, I gave him another spanking in the front room. Today he has improved, does as told, takes his spankings still with some pleading. I also have improved on the way I have taken charge, give him more freedom. When he is very bad and I'm mad I do not spank, I wait. One such spanking did not happen until that evening, thinking he had gotten away with it. The next morning, he did not want to go to church, sitting a problem I said, he said yes, good I said we are going to church. He tried not to squirm but was not able to do that. He could not wait to leave after church service but I was in no hurry. Our pastor is a wonderful older woman and asked if she could speak to us sometime this week, we said sure. She dropped by a couple of days later and was straight to the point, asking my husband if he fell and was hurt, he said no. She mentioned the squirming and was concerned, and I said he was given a spanking the night before. She smiled, thought so. Notice his attitude improving, have known this young man since he was born. She looked at me, keep doing what your doing, and oh by the way as she reached into her purse, she pulled out a hairbrush, large, this will save your hand, and speak loud and clear. As she was leaving she told me, always on the bare bottom, I told her I do. My husband said nothing, tried not to look at her. When she was gone he looked at me, your earned the spankings I said, he agreed. Carol

Anonymous said...

Do you enjoy seeing how scared he looks when you punish him? You said it was something to "behold," which suggests you enjoy instilling fear.

Gigi said...

Ms. Kathy,

It would be very easy to just say "hey, this is an addiction". I specifically addressed that issue on my post. But my point is that I am not just "addicted to your blog" or to online blogs or something weird like that (I'm calling it "weird" without thinking it really is).
I am "addicted", you could say to my own sexuality. That can be Femdom. I am "addicted" to Women. Not ONLY in a sexual way. Also as companions, as people to love. I am also addicted to water, to food, air and other things.

Ms. Kathy, do you understand me?

You can say "why is blogging about Femdom so important to you? Stop right there". The answer is it is NOT. But FEMDOM is. So I have to have an outlet to my FEMDOM needs. It could be a Dominant Woman, for instance. But there isn't one at the moment. You could say "get one". I think we've talked about the problems I've had with that. And I think you know that from time to time I've had SOME experiences with that, but not much.

So my answer to you is that I need SOME Femdom outlet. I hope that's understandable. I hope you don't think it's terrible. At least I'm not an axe murderer.