Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Morning Thoughts

It is Tuesday morning and I am enjoying my first day off from work in quite some time.

The reality of our life has changed a great deal during the past several months. My sweet husband is now fully retired-no longer a wage slave. On the other hand I am still employed. Having a full time house husband is quite different from sharing one with a job. It is an adjustment for both of us, but in the long run it will be good.

Over the weekend a neighbor friend came over for coffee. She opened the conversation by saying that her eighteen year old son purchased a car. It was a used car with high millage, but she was proud of the fact that her son purchased it with his own money. Some of the money came from allowances, family gifts, and that type of thing, but much of the money came from his summer jobs.
With a little bit of a smile I asked when he was going to show it off to us. "Oh, he is driving all over taking his friends for rides and talking about how it can be fixed up", she replied.

Most of this conversation occurred while John was emptying the dishwasher and putting up the breakfast dishes. He, like most men loves to listen in on female conversations even when he does not  take part in them. When you live with a man for a long time you can tell when he is thinking about something. What is on your mind, sweetie, I asked him. At first his reply was a simple 'O nothing' type of answer. Then he said I was thinking about Carol's eighteen year old son. In what way, I asked John. 'Well, he is only eighteen and he has more spending money and freedom than I have' he said.

John's response made me laugh a little, but in another way it was surprising to see that he was envious of this young man. It was then my turn for a 'well' type answer. 'Well, a long time ago you gave up freedom to become my slave', I reminded him. 'It was a choice you made" I emphasized.
'Do you regret it', I asked. 'No mistress' he reopened, but in some ways I could tell he was envious of the young man's freedom to go where he pleased and spend money as he wished.

At that moment my 'mistress' intuition kicked in. I snapped my fingers bringing John to Command Position. In things like yoga and body pump classes it is referred to as a child pose, except there is no talking unless answering a direct questions, and the guy is not allowed movement until given permission. It is something we both learned in the studio. Over the years I have appreciated the value of training a man with this simple hand command. In no uncertain terms it lets a man know who is in control and who is not.

After placing him in Command Position I continued for several minutes with my computer and coffee while he remained in place. I needed to remind him of what it felt like to be a slave-to be my slave.
After a few more minutes I again reminded him that giving up freedom was his decision, and that as long as we were married he would remain my little slave boy. He might be seventy or eighty years old I told him, but he would always be my little slave boy. And, although this might seem foolish John sometimes needs to hear that from me. Men in general some times need firm talk from their wives and mistresses. It assures them of their place in the relationship.

Although the house was already clean, I knew it was a good time to assign chores. This morning I told him I want the kitchen and guest bath room cleaned. I want this done before you do anything else. 'Do you hear me', I asked. 'Yes mistress' he responded. 'You may then kiss my feet,  get  naked  and get  to it' I told him. 'And, while working I want to hear slave whistling', I instructed him.

Love, Kathy


Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

Hi Kathy. I hope you are well.

A few months ago, I published the following quote on my blog (no idea where it came from originally): "A submissive gives up control for freedom. A Dominant gives up freedom for control." It proved to be a little controversial among the blog's contributors, but I still think that on some level, it is basically right. Becoming more submissive means you give up some degree of control over your own life, but there is an (admittedly paradoxical) freedom in that. You are free from a lot of the pressure and responsibility that comes with being in charge of things and making all the decisions. For the Domme, it is the opposite. She gains control, but with that comes more responsibility to lead and exercise wisdom in making decisions and enforcing them.

I very much get your husband's (probably temporary) sense of nostalgia and that he has given something up. I am not really a natural submissive, so I struggle with this pretty much every single time my wife imposes limits on what I am allowed to do. For anyone other than the most hard-wired submissives who totally get off on the lack of control over their own lives, there undeniably are trade-offs involved in any lifestyle that involves a real power exchange. The key issue for guys like your husband and myself is, in our particular relationship are those trade-offs mostly positive in the big picture? But, I understand his struggle. My wife is really stepping up her level of control right now, and for someone like me who is used to doing what he wants and who has been doing so since I was like that teenager your husband was wistful about, it can be really, really hard.


Kathy said...

Thank you baby for being the first to comment on what is a controversial posting.
The use of Command Position as a management technique is definitely on the so called kinky side, but in the studio it was a standard technique that we used day in and day out. And, as kinky or controversial as it may be the idea that mistress can bring her guy to the ground any place any time with a simple click of her fingers give her enormous power. Love,Kathy

Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

I can definitely see how it would be tremendously empowering for the woman, and great for reminding him about the respective roles. I have been thinking about asking my wife to implement something similar, as a way of cutting off discussion when it is going in a direction she doesn't like or just wants to cut it off and remind me of my place.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy. Loved your post. I'm relatively new to a femdom marriage and learned about command position from you. I know when I use it it has an immediate impact on my husband. It puts him immediately in a submissive position and mood which is where he most wants to be, and where I am increasingly love to see him. Like your John it is a great time to give him some additional household chores. Love the idea of having him whistle. Next time I think I'll have my hubby sing while he works for me. :) Thank you for all that you have taught and shared with us.

Anonymous said...

Several weeks ago I was put in my place by my Mistress wife. I truly needed her to step up and take command of me. That command and following lecture gave me a renewed perspective of my place in this relationship. The power she has over me is inspiring and makes me want to submit and serve her to the best of my abilities. Although real life intrudes sometimes it is always important to understand that my main focus should always be my service to my wife.

Wishful4 said...

This is a wonderful post. I am forwarding it to my wife/mistress. She is just now coming into her own stride in our femdom relationship. She is limiting my computer online time, and is no longer hesitant about making her wishes known. She has kept me in chastity for about 6 weeks now and informs me that I will remain locked for probably 3-4 months this time. What is different this time is that she is embracing the idea that her pleasure is what is most important in our relationship and I am so happy at our progress. I want to serve her so much and appreciate every opportunity she gives me. Your posts are such as inspiration to me to do better and better. I want her to read about the command position. It would be such an aid to her in maintaining her dominance. Hopefully, she will take your experience to heart. Hope you and John have a wonderful Summer and congrats on John's retirement. He can now rededicate himself to your service.

John Dalton said...

Good evening Kathy. Love your post. Yes it is on the Kinky side but it is not all games. I think it is very important for a submissive to be commented and willing to follow instructions without question. I dream of a woman who will test my limits and tease me with her power. Sometimes you have to add a little kink to make it real!

Randy said...

I think this was a great post providing some real food for thought. Thank you very much.

James said...

Mistress Kathy

Another post that speaks to me quite deeply. What you describe as the command position doesn't seem controversial to me at all, I must say. It is what is expected of me by my mistress wife every evening and, according to her mood, when we do not have company during the rest of the day and I am not in motion on her behalf.

It is, as Dan says, a perfect way of reinforcing our roles, but it also gives us both time - in her case, to read, catch up with social media, work or do anything else that pleases her and in mine, to reflect on my place, my service and how to improve my efforts to make Mistress's life more comfortable and enjoyable. Silence is essential for us both to get the best out of this and Mistress certainly doesn't require any input from me on these occasions, so the discipline of learning to hold my tongue has been a very useful one.

To some degree, I understand John's wistfulness about his more liberated days! I have come to understand however, that absolute authority and absolute obedience mean just that. There have been times when Mistress has denied me permission for certain things for no other reason than the facts that she can and that it is not my place to assume that she will grant my requests. The effect is to increase my gratitude to her for her generosity when she does allow me my privileges.

Like John, though, all such privileges have to be earned. A constantly tidy house, with all chores satisfactorily completed is the minimum requirement before I could even contemplate being allowed a little slack in the leash!

Lovely to read your latest post and thanks again, Mistress Kathy, for the benefit of your experience and your wisdom.

Anonymous said...

It does seem that for submissives, a cage (virtual or actual) can be place we want to inside when we're outside, and outside when we're inside. Seeing the freedoms others have can give us a stark look at our own situations, creating an interesting mix of feelings. Maybe that's what happened when John saw that an 18-year old neighbor had more freedom then he did. Many of us see it all the time when the restraints and restrictions we've accepted make difficult or impossible for us things our mistresses are able to do effortlessly. It makes us appreciate the power our mistresses have, and that's appealing and erotic for us. Power, as Henry Kissinger said, is the ultimate aphrodisiac. TJ

Steve said...

Miss Kathy:

I love your post. What may seem cruel to others is exactly what he really craved. In my humble opinion a man should be able to voice such things but a wife should be equally free to remind him of his limits firmly like a dogs leash being quickly snapped if he takes to long sniffing on a walk. I would not harbor any resentment to a spanking as well or other corporal punishment. Not to punish but to associate thoughts of freedom outside of the contract with a reminder of how much he loves those boundaries.
This is actually a kindness. You are a wonderful mistress wife.
Thank You so much for sharing this.



Loved it

Anonymous said...

Miss Kathy

I don't know how to express how your post here gave me a real 'yes' moment. I googled around for your 'command position', the 'child pose' ... just 'yes, yes, yes'. I think it's just a beautiful, powerful ritual. I have come to think of the Mistress- submisive relationship as a trust exchange game. I use 'game' not because it is trivial but because it is a pure joyous exchange between lovers.

I am so jealous of your slave. My wife of over three decades is lovely but this dynamic does not compute for her. I wish it did. One of my notions is that i would love to ritually kneel and kiss her bottom cheek each day, in greeting or leaving her, but alas...