Sunday, December 22, 2019

Christmas

Thank all of you for the recent comments. The overall response to the Wash Day series was a little more tepid than expected, but it did draw some thought provoking comments. But, I must confess that with Christmas coming  I have been away from the blog. In the end much of the blog comes back to a discussion Tara and I had so many years ago. She told that my husband John was a deeply submissive man. 'What do you mean', I asked her. In simplest terms, she told me, it means that he needs a woman to tell him what to do. Giving her a puzzled look she responded that he needs you to lead him in life. She went on to explain that without active female authority in his life John was a man who could never be truly happy.

On that same day that we had the conversation she offered me an opportunity to come work with her in the studio. I didn't know what to think, but driving home across the long bridge was one of the loneliness experiences of my life. Looking at the big house that had been home to John and I for so many years brought tears to my eyes. This home had been the place of wedding anniversaries, children' parties, and the place where we lived when the news came that my mother had passed.
Now, instead of a place of refuge it became a place to cry and wonder what cruel reality the world would throw my way next. It was then that the decision was made to accept Tara's offer of employment in the studio.

In the months working with Tara I learned  much about men. They told me their secrets, their fears, their hopes, and all of the things that were never confessed to their wives. Yes, mistress, my wife does not understand they would say. Or, 'she said no' when I asked her to become my mistress. 'What should I do' they would some times ask. 'Would you let me be your slave' they would sometimes find the courage to ask. 'Maybe', I would respond,' but tell me why you deserve to be my slave'.
After an explanation as to why he would make a good slave there would be an opportunity to kneel and perform foot worship. As Tara explained it the trick was to learn what the poor hapless male needed and give him some of it. In that way you earned his respect, his devotion, and kept him coming back.

With a little practice it was easy to learn what the men needed. They needed to have some fear of you, but they also needed to respect you as a woman and as a mistress. Above all you needed to give them the experience they could not get at home from their wives. The couples who came to Tara were different. She didn't charge as much for couples as she did for single men. Her techniques was to help the wives learn how to become mistresses to their men. The women learned to put their husbands in Command Position. They learned to collar the husbands and lead them on a leash. Then even learned to teach the husbands stay and come. Tara believed that this type of 'male' training formed the basis of what she referred to as good household management.

Shortly before my arrival Tara formed several of the wives into a group. And, it was in this group that several of the women developed the confidence in themselves to truly becomes mistress wives to their men. In the group the women would talk, shares stories, laugh, and sometimes cry. It was a safe place where confidences were kept and friendships formed. Even to the present day some of these girls are still counted among my best friends. Until a few years ago we met regularly. Our annual holiday luncheon usually brought them back from where ever corner of the country they called home.

One of the things about femdom that took me a long time to figure out is that it is about caring, acceptance, and most of all love. To be truly good as a mistress wife you need to accept your man for whom he is. You need to care about him. And, most of all you need to love him. Everything else; the positions, the training, and even the punishment sessions will fall into place if the three conditions are met.

Love you all for reading and even more for sharing. This Christmas thank God for the wonderful gifts he has given to you. Think of the children, the grandchildren, and most of all the love of the woman  whom you think of as your wife or mistress.

Kathy

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

HI Kathy-- my husband just shared your post with me. You definitely speak the truth about what men need - or at least men like my husband and yours. I am envious of the support group that Tara formed. One of my biggest challenges is that I do not have such a support group. Although I have come to embrace my life as my husband's dominant and Mistress, I still have questions and concerns that I would love to share with other women who share this lifestyle. Your blog (as well as others) have become my support group. For that I am very thankful. You have done a great and wonderful service for the many women who have learned to become the lead in their marriages. Thank you,
Sincerely,
Diane

Anonymous said...

I'm new to your blog, but enjoy it very much. I've been reading all the posts on the blog, and was very glad to read this description of how you came to work with Tara.

Also, I found the Wash Day series to be very powerful. I think that in a lot of ways, what you've described there is exactly what many of us are looking for. I haven't been commenting because I don't really have anything valuable to say. But I am grateful to you for taking the time to write.

Thank you, and I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much, Kathy, for your blog, your post generally, and especially for this post. Your comment about femdom seems so applicable to relationships generally: "One of the things about femdom that took me a long time to figure out is that it is about caring, acceptance, and most of all love." It took me forever to figure this out as well. The answers to making fem Dom work in marriages is not typically found in knot-tying manuals or how-to books; it's about caring, acceptance and love. When interests collide in femdom conversations between husbands and wives, I think its usually because of an absence of caring, understanding and love, Marriages drift and it's that drift that causes the issues, not ignorance over the mechanics of BDSM. Love conquers everything, whether the issues are about fem Dom or taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher.

I've often thought a "therapy group " for wives of husbands looking for a mistress wife relationship would make a huge difference once those discussions begin. If only Tara was still around and could help with those mentoring sessions. I completely understand why the relationships with women in those groups were so meaningful, Kathy.

Thank you for your thought, insights and candor and best wishes for a merry Christmas for you, John, Becky, David and all your fmily!

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful post. Thank you and Merry Christmas.

tiptease said...

Dear Kathy,

Thank you again for a wonderful post.
You are the mistress wife every submissive man would wish for, but even with you I have the feeling you would love to go back to the period you weren't a mistress wife.

Am I right, or could you never go back and would you always be the dominant controlling leader of your relationship.
And which aspects could you never, or don't you want to give up as a domme.

Hope its not to personal and I want to wish you and your loved ones a wonderful merry Christmas and a happy new year

Love Tiptease

Anonymous said...

I have always wanted a woman to be in charge, it is not a sexual desire but a need. I have had a strong desire to be spanked, magazine, videos, masturbating, just a desire so strong that controlling it was getting to be hard. Women know more about the male than the male knows about themself. This male will never know a woman, I just appreciate them. I finally met a woman who I told my desire, told everything. We dated, we found we had alot in common, and so marriage was the next step. She was going to wear the pants and I totally agreed. Spankings did not happen when we were dating, we talked about them, but no spankings. It was a year into our marriage that a memorable and not so memorable Saturday morning I learned that she was in charge. I stayed out late with the boys again, I was getting up at eleven and on this Saturday of all Saturdays her mother was coming over and they were going to do some shopping. I did the yard work, other projects and was washing the car when they came home. When you finish with the car, I need to talk to you and I looked at her and said sure dear. I walked into the house and asked what was up and her mother still was there, in the bedroom, and so to the bedroom we went. She closed the door, and said changes are going to happen and now. You mentioned spankings she said, well your getting one. Your mother is here, going to count to ten and you best be undressed, I looked at her and she started counting and I was pulling my underpants down when she got to ten. Now on I your Mommie when you need a spanking, say it, Mommie. When Mommie speaks you best do as told, Yes Mommie. She smiled, now let see how you take a spanking. I went over her lap and in no time was kicking, squirming, pleading, begging. When she finished, she opened the bedroom door, pointed to the front room. Mommie I'm naked, I got another hard spank and was soon in the front room, naked, my mother-in-law smiling. Very good dear she said, nice red bottom. My mother-in-law handed me a bag and I pulled out little boy jammies, there your size, put them on. I looked, wanted another spanking, No Mommie and soon had the jammies on. Now he looks like a very naughty little boy Dear. Face the wall, Yes Mommie, pull down the bottoms, Yes Mommie, oh such a nice red spanked bottom.

Awedbymywoman said...

Hi there Kathy!

My wife and I of 13 years have a modified FLR. You mentioned in your post that Tara would charge less for femdom training for couples than for single men. My wife and I have often lamented it's hard for her to plug in somewhere to grow in her wife-led skills femdom skills.

Do you have any recommendations on where one can find this? You were very fortunate to be able to receive that.

Thank you for your posts! I love their realism and high regard of marriage through femdom.

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

I know the comments were tepid. Having more posts could help them be less tepid - it would be a more flowing conversation...

larry said...

Dear Mistress Kathy,

Another tepid response. Your words are always appreciated. Please don't stop. You are truly a wonderful, intelligent, loving lady.

Throwing my comments in here to let You know that in my Femdom marriage, my life, like yours is a lot quieter these days. Unlike some of the stories of happy discipline, i just enjoy service to my wife of over 50 years. She and the family is everything to me. However, i do appreciate your reminders to be extra appreciative of my loving wife and positive reinforcement of that love. Oh, i know others do enjoy the negative or overt or highly dominant women in their lives; but it's the every day adoration and love that exist here. Not much fun to talk about, not really sexy or exciting in a BDSM way at all; just a full and happy life of devotion.

Like You, i am pleased to see more women take part in these discussions and wish my wife had had more of a support group earlier in our marriage that could help her know and understand what a Femdom relationship could be and how to take charge. You were truly blessed with Tara. Does John ever need or want to go back to a "dungeon" type place? To visit a pro-Domme again?

Larry

Anonymous said...

THE FEMDOM DECADE
In the Femdom decade it's OK for males to be boys and Females to be Women.

It's OK for boys to be taken in hand.

It's OK for boys to cry at a strong Woman's shoulder.

It's OK for boys to wear dresses.

It's OK for boys to take their Wife's last name in marriage.

It's OK for boys to be pretty.

It's OK for Women, even married Women, to want a pretty male secretary.

It's OK for boys to flirt with their bosses, the Women who normally fall for them.

It's OK for Women to tell their men to be quiet.

It's OK for Women to eyeball a cute boy at the park.

It's OK for Women to spank their menfolk.

It's OK for Women to love softer men.

It's OK for men to love Stronger Women.

It's OK for Women to vote for Women only. And for boys not to vote.
or run for office.

It's OK for boys to cook, clean, and knit sweaters.

The most famous soccer player is Alex Morgan. She is the best!

What else? What are your ideas for the coming decade?

Alex (Morgan)

Anonymous said...

Several of the things you mention are already happening. A year or so ago I saw a couple where the woman was wearing pants and her boyfriend a skirt (a plain cotton skirt, not a Scots kilt). I spoke to them and they said he prefers to wear a skirt in warm weather and she is happy with it.

A few years ago a male colleague at work got married and took his wife's name.

My partner spanks me and I usually do the cooking and cleaning. I don't knit, because she enjoys knitting and prefers to do it herself.

One thing you don't mention is collaring and leashing. A year or two ago I was on a commuter train and a group of young people in their late teens or early twenties got on. One of the boys was collared, and a woman, presumably his girlfriend, was leading him on a leash.

I would guess that in the coming decade things like this will become more widespread. Maybe it will be quite common for women to lead their husband or boyfriend on a leash. And if a boy acts up, perhaps it will be considered quite normal for a woman to put him across her knee and give him a good spanking in public.

Stewart.

Anonymous said...

Ms. kathy.
I am planning on asking my wife about the possibility of an flr/film.
She knows I am into chastity because we had a dabble on and off a couple of years ago. She went along with it for a while but wasn't exactly swept away with it.
I have only recently discovered your amazing blog, so I was wondering is it possible to be able to read it from the beginning? I understand you have removed some because of problems with copy right etc.
I just think it would help a great deal to get as many ideas from you as I possibly can before I pop the big question to my gorgeous wife.
I've gone over it a thousand times in my mind what to say to her, but it comes out different everytime.
Your experience and insight would be invaluable.
You are just an amazing lady, and john is a very very lucky slave.
Keep up the great blogging.
Thankyou md kathy.
Tony.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog over the holidays and I absolutely love your take on the FLR lifestyle. I have read every entry and you do a phenomenal job describing the way you run your household. I did have a question about one of your entries. You described your husband driving your daughter into the city and her giving him money for dinner while he waited. Who told you about the money? Your daughter or your husband? Was it just a matter of fact or was there a feeling you had to be told about the money? Were you OK with him accepting or your daughter offering?

Thank you!