Tuesday, October 9, 2018

No Good Solution

For the moment there is no good solution to the blog.

This past summer was spent traveling. John and I rented a very nice camper. We acted like  old retired people without a care in the world. We traveled north and south, east and west, and even to Europe. (Without the camper, of course)

While I missed you, the readers of Femdom 101, it felt so good to be away from the computer.
One of you wrote that he was addicted to the blog. Over the summer I came to realization that I was addicted to the computer. Yes, there is happiness in life away from the computer. Yes, there is happiness away from emails and the constant cell phone interruptions that have crept into our lives.

For the moment I am not sure what will happen to the blog. For over ten years it has been an important part of who I am.  And,  maybe the time has come for me to say good by to that phase of my life. In the ten years of doing Femdom 101 there have been so many changes. The femdom lifestyle has become something of a reality for many men instead of only a fantasy. For some men it should remain just that, a fantasy. Yet, there are those men, and those brave women, who have undertaken the journey to a new way of living. A  way of living where the cultural norms we grew up with have been turned upside down.

In a way both john and I want to be more open about who we are as a couple.
There are other times thought when we realize it is no one else's business, and there is no real advantage for more openness. For all of the social upstaging done on the blog, I am in many way a stickler for traditional values. 'What happens in the home should stay in the home', my mother would tell me. Yet, there have been times when I have wanted to test the waters. What would my neighbor, Carol think, if she knew that I was John's mistress. Would I louse her as a friend or as a confident.
Would the word get out in the neighborhood that John does what ever it is that I tell him to do.
How would the other men react to him. How would they react to me. Would they think of me as the  dominatrix next door.

A number of years ago we opened up to John's sister, and then our son and daughter. Some of you may recall the post in which his sister asked questions, and the decision was made to open up some of our life to her. It was on a beach trip.  John was sent to the bedroom so that his sister and I could  talk. She seemed to understand, but did she. If his parents had still been arrive what would they think, I wondered. What would Carol think if she knew that John was trained to drop to the floor at the snap of my fingers.

And, then I wonder if our type of relationship is too far beyond the pale of what most femdom marriages consider as acceptable. Once, I said that every young woman should have the opportunity to work at a place like the studio. Yes, of course, the studio was about money, but Tara taught the girls to care about the wellbeing of the clients. It was not just about 'soaking' them for the cash as much as it was about giving them the experiences they couldn't get at home. And, it was for this reason why the studio was so successful. The men wanted to come back. They even paid for the privilege of scrubbing floors and toilets.

It took me some time to understand the magic of the studio. At first I wondered why it was that  men were coming to this place where there was no sex. In fact, men were not ever allowed to 'touch' unless given permission. That rule went so far as they were not allowed to even kiss the shoes of a woman unless given permission. In the studio all females were considered women, while all males were considered boys. In later life I learned there was a lot of merit in that approach to the genders.
For too long society has considered males as the stronger more dominant sex.

Most of us want our husbands to be happy as well as content with their lives. From the studio experience I learned that keeping a man satisfied may sometimes mean a leash and a collar.
While this will sound sick or perverted to the uninitiated, a leash and collar is an effective way of letting a guy know you are the boss. And, letting a guy know you are the boss is a key to his happiness. One of the things I told my daughter is to never miss a day in which he has the opportunity to kneel, kiss your feet and pledge himself to you.

The best kept secret in the world is that most men are naturally obedient to women. Not only are they naturally obedient, they are natural servants to the woman who takes the time to train them. If I wanted to I could work John until he collapsed. If given the choice of freedom or of being a slave he would opt for the status of slave. Some of you may challenge me on this statement, but there is a power that we possess that is strong enough to control most men. If is up to us, as women, to use if for the good of our men and of the good of society.

Love you all for reading.



Dan - A Disciplined Hubby said...

Kathy, on the question of whether most men are naturally submissive and give in to this easily, reasonable minds can differ, and we all need to pursue our own journey. But what stood out for me in your post was:

"A number of years ago we opened up to John's sister, and then our son and daughter. Some of you may recall the post in which his sister asked questions, and the decision was made to open up some of our life to her. It was on a beach trip. John was sent to the bedroom so that his sister and I could talk. She seemed to understand, but did she. If his parents had still been arrive what would they think, I wondered. What would Carol think if she knew that John was trained to drop to the floor at the snap of my fingers."

My wife hasn't opened up to anyone about her interest in this lifestyle -- yet. I hope she does. I genuinely hope, for the sake of her development and our kids', and all the women who read these blogs, that she does.

But, your blog doesn't reveal what happened to John when he did exactly what I contemplate doing, or agreeing to, in our relationship .. .

A number of years ago we opened up to John's sister, and then our son and daughter. Some of you may recall the post in which his sister asked questions, and the decision was made to open up some of our life to her. It was on a beach trip. John was sent to the bedroom so that his sister and I could talk. She seemed to understand, but did she. If his parents had still been arrive what would they think, I wondered. What would Carol think if she knew that John was trained to drop to the floor at the snap of my fingers.

Anonymous said...

You have contributed a great deal to the exsisting community of like minded people and to bettering new femdom/FLR couples around the world. If you do take a very long break, it will be very well deserved. If you never write again, I want to says thanks to you now. I appreciate all your stories and perspectives. You have helped this couple very much.

So, thank you!

Anonymous said...


Your post is beautiful! Please, please choose to stay and not to end the blog.


Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy. So glad to hear you are back. I hope you had a glorious time on your trip. As an elementary school teacher I don’t have much time this time of year to respond to blogs. But I want you to know what a wonderful model and source of inspiration you have been for me and I hope other dominant wives. My husband and I are still fairly new to this lifestyle and as you have mentioned many times being a wife in charge is not easy, especially after many years of trying to live in a more 50~50 relationship. Your blog has been so helpful in helping me become the dominant spouse that my husband needs. When I faced challenges you have always been there to offer wonderful advice and examples. Thanks in large part to you I have come to embrace my role of owner of my husband and the true joys of a femdom and loving marriage. I so hope you will continue to share your story, especially for your female followers. Thank you so much.

Anonymous said...

Ms Kathy,

You talk about your need or want for privacy on the one hand and on the other your need or want to share... Why don't you just make the blog private and invite those of us who have been around for a while and who you trust and keep blogging? I don't SUGGEST you do so, I just FLOAT the idea because it sounds like a POSSIBILITY you haven't considered.

Another thing is that your blog is a contribution to the WORLD and you don't SEE IT AS SUCH, as far as I can tell. I think that's very sad, because you are just thinking about the influence it has at a very short-sited distance from yourself and that's why you are so worried about whether Carol will ever find out about your Femdom life (trust me, she won't, at least not from THE BLOG!) and you have like this "paranoia" that someone you know will find out... well... first of all they won't but second of all people in Mexico, China and New York who you've never met and might never meet in your life will learn a lot about Femdom, and I think that's something you ought to think about before deciding to just close the blog...


Anonymous said...

We have missed you. Whatever your decision, you must know you have done a lot of good for a lot of people. We certainly hope you will return to us but, understand if you don't.

I Obey Woman said...

Welcome back. Thank you for continuing to bless us with your wisdom.

Your blog is a great inspiration to me. It is a place to remind me of the work and effort I have to put to achieve the final goal, to be under the complete and loving control of a woman I love.

Deep down my heart and soul, I have already accepted that obedience and service to the female gender is natural. There is no higher purpose than to serve and obey woman.

Anonymous said...

Yes, cultural norms are being turned upside down. Which suggests that femdom couples are the people who can best understand each other, and support each other. Perhaps femdom couples can network using the Internet.

An implication, though, is that we will need protocols for what could be described as femdom society. For example, how should a submissive male behave towards a Dominant Woman who is not his partner?

in Boston said...

Why not have him type and maintain the blog? As one who started reading just this spring I must have missed his outing to his sister, but the idea of a wife sending a grown man to his room sounds exquisite.

marc s said...

Your blog is intelligent and informative and your voice and insights will be greatly missed by those of us who have just started to experience the joy that a femdom relationship can bring to a marriage. Thank you. Please do leave your blog up as a source of inspiration and learning.

Marc S

Anonymous said...


I have been a late comer to your blog, finding it just before you eliminated much of the history due to someone pilfering your story and experiences for profit in a published book.

I was able to enjoy much of the back story before those earlier posts were gone...and found them to be fascinating, heart warming and comforting; as well as, well written, thoughtful and helpful.

I am an older gentleman who has long ached to have a relationship with my wife that would be similar to the one that you write about....and while we attempted this life style on and off again over the past 50 years it just wasn't my wife's cup of tea. IN fact I know that I have caused my wife much grief and concern and even tears with my submissive desires.

So for many years this side of me has been hidden away, buried, with me spending much time in introspection attempting to analyze myself and determine what is wrong with me and how best to cope without being able to express this part of myself. I love my wife. She is a wonderful Woman...just not a dominate bone in her body..

Reading your blog has been comforting and helpful, as I tend to agree with much of what you write...i.e. that most men are truly captivated by Women and down deep wish to make Women happy and fulfilled...through whatever means possible.....but without the Woman expressing her desires and taking control, per se', we men are often less than insightful as to exactly how to please the love of our lives. So many of us men live our entire lives on logic alone; and emotion, that makes life come alive with color and meaning, is foreign to our manliness.

Serving the Women in our lives, being submissive to their will and desire, I believe allows us to drop the defensive masculine shield, and open our hearts and souls to true love and emotion....which makes life so much more fulfilling and satisfying. I regret that I miss that in my relationship with my wife.

I can not advise as to the plight of your blog. I can appreciate that after 10 years of blogging frequently in one's routine can get old and stale.....and while the world of female domination or FLR has many sides, eventually much of the tale is discussed. You have been so very creative and open in sharing so much of your life, but to find a fresh approach every day I imagine can be quite burdensome.

So I say to you follow your own heart and desire. Life is short, so do what you most enjoy, as much as you can. I for one would miss your advice and sharing, but will always appreciate the moments of joy I have found from your writings; and be thankful that you shared with all of us; and that you, John, and your family are having happy times and living life to the fullest.

Thanks for being who you are........and it sounds like you had an amazing summer.....


David c said...

maybe some time to yourselves without the responsibility to a bunch of followers is just what the dr. should order. good luck whatever you choose, I'll miss you

A Devout Reader said...

Hi Mistress Kathy,

I have been a frequent reader of Your blog and have read most all Your posts for so many years, perhaps since inception. I love Your blog for the wisdom and for the eroticism. Very rarely have I left a comment, despite Your wish, for which I am not proud. I want You to know that for every comment that You receive, there are perhaps hundreds if not thousands of adoring silent readers.

Please keep up the good work if at all possible.

I pray for Your and John's happiness and fulfillment and am grateful to You for being a guide to a better lifestyle.

A Humble reader of Yours.

Perseo said...

I loved this post, Mrs. Kathy. It gives the feeling that you have achieved a state of great wisdom and happiness.
Although I am a regular reader of your blog, I never participate due to my difficulties with the English language. But I would like to thank you for sharing your life and wisdom with us, and also congratulate your husband for living dominated by such a wise woman.
I'll take your phrase "The best kept secret in the world is that most men are naturally obedient to women."

Russlave said...

I wrote a rather long comment yesterday, trying to be helpful. Did it get lost; not yet published; need to write it again; didn't want it posted; I hit the wrong button?? Just wondering. Thanks. Russ

Walter said...

"Some of you may challenge me on this statement, but there is a power that we possess that is strong enough to control most men. It is up to us, as women, to use if for the good of our men and of the good of society."
The truth can't be challenged. This understanding in the right woman is what pulls me to her like a moth to a porch light.

Anonymous said...

Mistress Kathy,

I have read your blog for years. I want to thank you for writing it. I check each day to see if you have more to say. Reading this blog has given me some insight to a dominant woman's thoughts and desires, that I haven't seen anywhere else.

If you decide you want to end the blog, I wanted to thank you for writing it. I could not write about such a personal part of my life. I wish you and John nothing but the best.

Anonymous said...

You have spent 10 years of your life doing visible and respected an unknown reality and with many options to be seen as a fetish. You have given credibility and meaning to male submission and female authority. You have done it with respect, love and sincerity. You have not tried to see what is not and you have always linked it to the happiness of your relationship. It seems to me that you have done much more than you would expect. After all, with the material you have made, there is enough to dare to live with this type of relationship. You can not say anything else again. I think it's time to "let students risk to experience" everything that you have explained. I would like to thank you for your work done and your generosity. Excuse me for my bad english.

British Kink said...

I will miss you if you stop posting.

I have enjoyed your blog since the early days and fondly recall many of your posts that you have long since deleted.

Whether to tell your neighbour friend or not? Only you can decide. Only you know her and can judge how she will react. Whether, probably importantly, whether she will keep it a secret or whether she will tell someone?

Is she your closest friend? If so then there is a good chance that she may never tell a soul. But what if she has other female friends that she feels close to? Isn't gossip a big part of female relationships? What about a man in her life - a husband or other partner - wouldn't she tell such a man?

Best of luck in whatever you decide. You may create a new Dominatrix in the making if you tell her. That would not be a bad thing.

I hope you do not posting. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

Anonymous said...

There has been a maniacal effort to change society from top down in regards to accommodating LGBTQ. To make it work, there is this new theory that gender is merely a social construct, and anyone who wants to, can be liberated from their biological gender role and play whatever role makes them happy. Taken literally, a female who wants to lead and be an executive is really part socially construct male. Also, a male who wants be led and coerced into house work is really partially a social construct female. This theory applies to everyone, not just the 2% who identify as LGBTQ. For example, my own wife has never worn a dress, drives a pick up truck, has bones of titanium and her punches really hurt. I've been brought to tears by her and given bruises by her, though I deserved them at the time. As you can see, it can be really dicey when the gender fluidity hits home rather than just happening to someone else.


Anonymous said...

It's too bad really. The best bloggers on this subject of FLR or Femdom marraige, etc, all stop at some point. What I mean by the "best" are those blogs written by what I believe to be real people, and usually, real women. I suppose that one runs out of material eventually. Or,
perhaps a long term blogger might believe that they have shared all that they have to give on the subject. I understand, but it's still unfortunate to perhaps lose another quality place to find thinking on these relationships that seems to come from a realistic perspective on what femdom marriage is, was, or can be.
Thank you for what you have done here and may you have great success in whatever you will choose to do going forward.

Anonymous said...


Much as I have enjoyed this blog over the years, please stop taking credit for understanding female power. Such explorations, by women, men, chauvinists and feminists alike have been conducted for years. The other issue I have with you in your current state is your inability to look outside your femdom bubble. Do you even KNOW a sexually dominant male or a couple that practices Christian Domestic Discipline? Do you even know a male switch? Heck, I should probably quiz you and your readers as to whether they can even identify a downside to female power. I know you and they have much to say about how men always get things wrong, but I haven't seen much introspection from the 'fairer' sex on this blog beyond some elements of your personal story.

I wish you and John well, but this post reveals why you shouldn't try to speak to the larger subject of intersexual dynamics. Feminism, in its current form is busy destroying male and female relationships. Just be happy you can live your life your own way. I'm a male, nearly 50, and I don't think your children or grandchildren are going to have that luxury.


Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I am sad to see the blog going away, but it seems to me that is what you are deciding to do. I am sure there are other reasons that are hard for you to explain... maybe you are bored of the blog or something, it's hard to believe it's really about the 5 or 10 minutes a week to write a post. And no reason is invalid... I can't force you to blog, but I can try to keep the friendship. I hope you stay in touch...


Артём said...

Why read a book full of nonsense? This book is written by an idiot. Anyone who has studied at the university knows that there are more women teachers at the university than men. Women are already the majority of the new doctors.

"Most women become prostitutes at the age of 12" Why do you give references to the books of sick people? This is just a stupid metaphysics. Wrong way to understand the world. All people with an IQ of more than 75 use dialectic from the end of the 19th century.

And no, the idiots who write these books deal with the destruction of the relationship between men and women.