As most of you know I have been struggling with the blog.
Most every day Becky reads the blog, looks at Facebook, and we talk. We talk about the blog, and we talk about what so and so is doing, and things like did you know so and so is pregnant again. Last night we talked for a quite a while. Mom, she said, 'I know that the 'me too' movement leaves you lost.' Becky went on to say don't worry about the movement, and don't be concerned that social changes are passing you by'. Then Becky went on to say that the postings back in the fall months were the very best part of the blog.
After a brief pause Becky went on to say that the postings last fall were so good because they were down to earth, from the heart, and gave the readers a simple but genuine look into the family. She then made the comment that some of those posting stopped to make her think about things. As I recall is was in 'conversations' that we talked about the way John drove Becky and her friends around. Mom, 'I guess it is now safe to tell you about this', I heard her say. 'What?, I responded. 'Whenever I needed a ride or wanted daddy to do something he would ask if it was ok with you', Becky responded with a little giggle. 'What is so funny about that", I inquired. 'Well pretty often I would just tell daddy that we talked when we really didn't'.
For a brief moment Becky's comment left me speechless. You mean you were lying to daddy I responded. Well, a little bit, but not really Becky responded. For the most part I knew that what I wanted Daddy to do would be fine with you. 'There were one or two times when maybe I wasn't sure, but mom you always said that we think alike so really what was the point in asking you.' I wasn't really angry, but for a moment made a pretense at being a little upset. Then Becky came out with the line that made me laugh. 'Mom, think about it this way -as a mistress I was just a little ahead of my time.'
We went on to talk about those early teenage years for a few more minutes. I don't know if you ever caught it, but daddy always enjoyed doing things for me and my friends. It wasn't like we made him. It was more like he was a ready volunteer that needed to be asked. Most of the time we would have daddy drive us to the hangout where the boys were, and he would wait in the car. Most of the time we wouldn't be more that thirty or forty minutes and daddy would usually have a book with him.
That was something I didn't know, I confessed to Becky. Once though we were in the shop for over an hour hoping that this one certain cute boy would show up. Did he ever show up, I asked. I don't remember Becky said, but my friends were impressed that daddy waited that long.
As we got deeper into that part of the conversation I couldn't help but ask Becky if she understood back then that her father was submissive. Not exactly, she replied, but she was aware of having a certain type of power over him. She was aware that he wouldn't do the things for her brother and his friends in the same way. If a car ride wasn't convenient she would hear John tell her brother he couldn't take him. He would never tell her no. He would never tell her that it was too late to wait for her and her friends to go to the ice cream parlor after the dance. And, looking back on it she learned the value of thanking John with a smile and a little kiss. In her own way Becky taught her father obedience along with the power of female charm. You might say she conditioned him. These are lessons that John learned well. In Becky he had a really great teacher.
Love, Kathy
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6 comments:
For what it's worth, I agree with Becky that you shouldn't worry about social change passing you by. When you think back to the radical changes in the 1960s and 1970s--the Vietnam War, anti-war protests, sexual liberation, civil rights, the feminist movement--"me too" seems mild by comparison. And, at least the change that is happening is in your direction, with more women feeling empowered and the men less so.
The difficulty, of course, is that while your John likes being submissive, a lot of men in the work place aren't similarly motivated. But, as for men's newly unstable position in the workplace, we'll get through it. The pendulum always swings far one way before coming back to the middle.
It is certain you raised a smart and mature daughter. That the two of you became best friends is perfect. John never stood a chance.
If you do in fact end your blog, please do it publically so those of us that are serious and anxious for your post do not fear your demise. Of course it would be great if Ms. Becky assumed the major contributions with your imput, of course.
richard s.
Thank you both for contributing. There was a lot of social change in the 1960s & 70s. The difference though was back then I was part of the change. In today's world I feel more like a instant observer missing most of what is going on. And yes, I agree that we will get through a lot of these changes. Wouldn't it be great if in the hiring process Human Resources could identify certain men as takes direction from women or even works well with women. LOL
Love, Kathy
Mistress Kathy,
I guess I am a little lost. First let me say I am extremely excited that you are posting again as they really help me. What I don't understand is why you think that you are merely watching the societal change? The way I see it is you are leading the charge. You are the one that raised a daughter to believe and expect to be treated equal in the work place. You are the one who didn't let "good ol boys" decide if you were valued in the work place. In some ways it is going to be easier for women to advance in todays world because so many others are speaking up but you did it when everyone else was silent. As much as I respect you I must also give John his credit because it was him who showed her how she should be treated as a wife. While you have put to words the last part of yall's marriage it was him who showed her at a young age what a man is willing to do. Be sure not to sell yourself short you are a major part of this shift!!
Ur bobo
In a strange way it's difficult to feel sympathy for those men hurt by these changes whether it be loss of employment or being cleaned out in a divorce. The reality is many of these men enthusiastically supported this stuff while boasting, "Look at me, I'm a good person!", thinking it would not effect them. Maybe they were economically secure or maybe even they were hiding behind a well off wife. But eventually, the crocodile they rode turned around and chewed them up. Women are not immune either, though.
The way of man always seems to be that at a certain point they invite less well off strangers to their house and even take them in saying "you'll always have a place at my table". They think that the strangers will be grateful for their food and hospitality, but they do not realize that the stranger knows better. The stranger knows that this is really an act, all about putting on a show and just a way of saying "Look at me, I'm a good person! I love the other!" And so the strangers feel patronized and act out eventually by slaughtering the hosts, eating their food, drinking their wine, and sleeping in their bed.
Now that he women have the power, they could serve themselves well by not repeating this kind of mistake.
Joel
Ma Becky please write more about how you train your husband to be a better husband and gentleman.
Richard*
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