Monday, June 5, 2017

Time Away From The Blog

Just want to mention that I will be away from the blog until July.

With things like work, vacation, and summer visits with the children life is getting busy.
And, for the times being there is not a lot for me to say. All of my thoughts have been poured out in the Morning Thoughts series.

Most of you know that John has officially retired from his life as an engineer. In some ways this has affected the way we do things. It has meant more house chores for him. It has also forced me to rethink the rules that apply to his activities. Lacking the responsibilities of a career it is my belief that men need more structure in their personal life.

If I can gather my thoughts this may be the next topic of the blog. Many of you are retired.
Please send me your thoughts on this topic. For the wife how difficult is it to adjust to having a man around the house? Do retired men need more structure from their wives? With more time on their hands should they be given a larger allowance?

There are a lot of questions, and I would like to hear from each and everyone of you. Until July be good to yourselves, and especially good to the lady in your life.

Love, Kathy


Anonymous said...

I wish you a very nice vacation and I would like to say that your blog and your thoughts is among the very best that I have read about femdom. And I have read a lot. I believe that the thoughts is very honest and and openhearted and that makes it very attractive and interesting. I am leraning a lot. Thank you.

Best wishes from Sweden


Anonymous said...

When I retired my wife said "I married you for better or for worse, but NOT FOR LUNCH! Go find a job." John needs to get out of the house. As an engineer, he should find plenty of opportunities to volunteer his skills in support of one or more deserving not-for-profit organizations. Just start looking.

Wishful4 said...

Mistress Kathy,
You are a very wise woman. Retirement can make a huge change in the marriage. I've been retired for several years now and it made a profound change in our relationship. The most important is to provide some structure for a man. It can be as simple as being directed to do specific chores on specific days. I love doing things around the house for my spouse and I'm sure John does for you, as well. Having specific protocols you follow daily. I know I must fix coffee for my spouse each morning and bring it to her recliner where she is catching up on her email and news online. Then when she is done I solicit her choice for breakfast and serve it. Afterwards, I clean the kitchen, make our bed, and fold and put up any laundry that is ready. This I do every morning without being asked. Although I am not on an allowance, she carries most of the cash and we do most everything together so she approves most purchases. A list of short term and long term projects is also useful and reinforces that there shouldn't be a lot of idle time. Also, consider a limit on the online time if he is one to regularly surf sites you don't approve of when he is alone. I like to try and think of things I can do to make her life easier, but not be overbearing. She will get upset if I try to do everything. You are a very smart lady and i know you'll make the right choices for John. Again, congrats to John on his retirement.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kathy,

I work from home. I think with the shared economy and internet age new couples (especially millenials) will have a situation where one or two partners work from home or are somehow self employed (especially the more artificial intelligence advances).

Therefore I think every Woman should consider and decide whether she prefers a househusband or one that is afforded more liberty to work outside the home. I don't think it's very natural for men to leave the home all the time and you have talked before about watching your man and knowing where he is... there are also housechores, being available for Mistress at all times and modesty involved and you see how the maxim "a good husband is the light of his Wife's house" proves very wise indeed.

I think there are many ways for a husband to prove both his love and his devotion to his Mistress-Wife and I think one of the most important is keeping home. I think a good husband must reflect the values and express the world view of his Wife at all times in her home, becoming the light of his Wife's home. I think this is not really offensive to a husband, and on the contrary, a man should be proud to be his Wife's househusband and loving homemaker. Isn't that a roll to be super proud of?


Anonymous said...

HI Kathy – this is Diane.

I’ve written on your blog a couple times, though my husband and I are regular readers. My husband and I have been a Wife Led Marriage for over 3 years. We are both in are late 50s – I am a retired teacher and he still works and hopes to work a few more years before retiring. We have 3 children who are grown and live several hours away. Your latest blog is about chores and I thought this is one that I could respond to. Over the years of our WLM my husband has taken on (or been assigned) a growing number of chores that used to be mine. Here are some of the things that I he is responsible for:

1) The first chore I assigned him when I became head of our household was the kitchen. He is responsible for keeping the kitchen clean. This means dishes, floors, counter tops, refrigerator, etc. I told him I want to wake up every morning to a spotless kitchen, and I do! I haven’t washed or dried a dish, pan, or pot in over 3 years.

2) My husband keeps our bedroom tidy – making the bed every day. He also keeps the bathrooms up to snuff. Keeping the toilets clean is a job I am glad I no longer have to worry about.

3) J used to complain about me laying my clothes all around the bedroom. I have to admit that I do have a habit of dropping clothes on the floor, bed, or where ever. I solved my problem and his complaining by making picking up, folding, hanging, or dropping in the laundry basket my clothes his responsibility. I love seeing him tidying up my messiness. (He also has to put my gather all the shoes I wear over the course of a day and put them in order).

4) About a year ago I made gave my husband the task of making our meals when he is home, unless I decide that I want to cook, in which case he becomes my assistant. Normally he cooks all our dinners during the week, and all meals on weekends. It’s taken him a while, but he has really improved his cooking. (with all his kitchen work he would like for me to get him an apron).

5) Since he does most of our cooking, he also does most of the grocery shopping.

6) About every 4-6 weeks I have him use the weekend to clean the house from top to bottom. In addition to his regular kitchen and bathroom duties, he dusts, cleans the floors, vacuums the carpets and rugs, washes mirrors and windows, etc. It takes him the better part of Saturday and a bit of Sunday to get it all done. Usually in the middle of his house cleaning he grumbles a bit. My response (like yours in an earlier blog) is that he wanted to become my slave. Slaves don’t get to decide what they must do – Mistress wives decide. That quiets him down. BTW, while he is cleaning, I often make it a point to watch TV, read, sew, or other activities I enjoy  When he finishes his cleaning he will report to me. I will put him in his corner while I inspect this work. After my inspection I allow him out of the corner and give him my report – I usually find several things that need to be done and will take him another hour or so.

There are several other smaller chores that my hubby does and I have also found ways to discipline him to curb his behavior that I do not like, but I think I am going on too long with this note. I would love to hear how other couples have worked out chores for the husband/guy. I make it sound like my husband does all the work in our home (and he does and will do even more as we continue to evolve in our WLM), however being in a WLM is lot of work for the wife as well – in different ways. Thank you again for your wonderful blog. Your sharing of your life with John has been a real blessing for us.

tony said...

Ms Kathy,
I have been retired for 5 years; my wife retired last month. She's driving me nuts at home, interfering with my routine, second guessing, etc, etc. Haha. All the things she had me doing while she was at work, now are being graded and corrected. HELP!!
Have a good trip, Tony

Anonymous said...

"For the wife how difficult is it to adjust to having a man around the house? Do retired men need more structure from their wives? With more time on their hands should they be given a larger allowance?"

I think it very much depends on the man. It is absolutely not good when at ten
o'clock in the morning he opens his first can of beer and will sit on the couch staring at the tv until it is time to go to bed again. May sound strange but I know
there are these men. But there are also men who, already during the time they worked, started interesting hobbies : music, studying languages, cooking courses, working out, help people to improve fitness or do work for low budget charity organizations like food banks etc.
The first category needs a good kick in the butt, the second category already has a good structured life.


Alex said...

Ms. Kathy,

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving your man a larger allowance. After all, he knows you are the one giving it so his submission doesn't just disappear, on the contrary, he will buy more things with money he got from You dominating him.

I do love the idea of the man being the homemaker. It's so proper for a Femdom roles marriage! It so says "Female is the Dominant sex, male is the submissive sex". I think that, some 1950s role play and spanking can make a very happy Matriarchal marriage.

Anonymous said...

Hello Kathy,

Just to say that I have only just discovered your blog. I have skim read and obviously have a lot of catching up to do, but I'd just like to introduce myself and say that I look forward to you returning in July.

Jake UK

John Dalton said...

Hello Kathy. I hope you are enjoying your time away.

I think Structure is good for everyone and certainly with more time John will need additional responsibilities as well as added structure. However, if I were to retire I would be most excited about the new freedom it would provide for the lady in my life. I would suggest that you evaluate your life first and make stepping up to a new level of freedom , independence and empowerment the priority . Follow you desires, get out of the routine , and have a great time . John will be even happier in his submission knowing that you are growing as a woman and experiencing life to it's fullest!

John Dalton

richard s said...

You are missed. I hope your holiday is going well.

richard s.

Anonymous said...

Hello there, ma'am -- occasional reader, first time commenter here. I'm surprised nobody has taken a stab at your question, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents and try to contribute...

While I'm not retired I have been watching my parents ease into retirement over the last several years -- and they are (well, were) ahead of their time in that they've always had a very egalitarian attitude towards their marriage -- so my dad was at least somewhat ready to start doing a larger share of household chores right out the gate. I've learned a bit what it's like for people to experience the radical schedule change, re-negotiate chores, etc, so I'm not totally blowing smoke here.

How to cope with yer mate-who's-around-all-the-time-now? If he has internalized his role as the sub in the relationship then I'd suspect he probably (very probably) craves discipline and strictness from his domme wife. You could take advantage of this by creating a daily schedule for him, with punishments and rewards given out at a later "evaulation" session when you've got some time and energy to enforce this schedule, hopefully finding ways to do so that you find entertaining or at least useful.

Give him a daily chore list, substantial (going for at least a couple of hours /day) but not unrealistic or exhausting. After chores are done, have him exercise/jog/go to the gym and pursue some concrete physical goals, again with a punishment/reward system that you both can enjoy. This will be good for his health AND make him sexier-- so tell him as much! Compliment his sweat, and tell him you take it as a statement of love. Exercise can definitely eat up a couple of hours a day.

After he showers from the workout, you might take advantage of your retired status by engaging in fantasy play in a more time-consuming (for the sub, at least) manner than is sometimes practical when one or both partners work/watch kids. Retirement has its rewards!

For an example: I would guess that there's no particular reason why you couldn't "park" you husband for an afternoon "nap" at a fixed time most days. Spandex/Canvas/Leather sleepsacks are available for $50-200 if you shop around -- how would your husband like to be buckled into one for a couple of hours/day? Or use more conventional restraints *if* you can make them very comfy while also confining.

You could whisper sweet nothings in his ear before tucking him in, say some dominant comments to give him sweat dreams, or maybe make some demands that exaggerate his submissive position. Better yet, attach some headphones to a laptop or somesuch and saran wrap them to his head when you've got him restrained in bed -- you could play a mix of looped erotic messages, binaural beats, and instructions from his domme-wife, pre-recorded by you, that would help mold his submissive behavior however you desire. This would take some little effort to set-up, but only once, and the daily setup time commitment for *you* would be mere minutes, freeing up a couple more hours to do as you please while your husband quietly blisses out in the bedroom, (whether by sleeping or squirming) unless I've totally read him wrong. Put an old baby monitor next to the bed (safety first eh) and you've got the run of the house.

Anyhow, that's a very doable plan that could keep your husband busy and happy for a daily block of time similar to his old workday -- chores / workout / & being parked would certainly keep most sub. men happy, especially if they like being tied down to begin with. Using either this suggestion or some other FLR compatible D/s play as a part of your daily workflow need not be as exhausting as actual sex or some serious BDSM scene *at all* -- and you might even fulfill a fantasy for your husband doing something like that. And the house will look spotless, and he will look ripped. Everyone wins!

Anonymous said...

One common trend for retired folks is to start some kind of home based or part time business. If it is a male dominated industry, then the husband often serves as a "front man" to provide a masculine presence, but the wife might be the real decision maker behind the scenes. This arrangement is getting to be more common. Often, the husband might have specialized skills to the point where people might think it is his business, but the wife has that tremendous and valuable ability to juggle multiple things at once and attention to detail so crucial to the success of the enterprise.


Cambridge said...

only just discovered your blog today. So I am to read all still....a little later..YOU SHOULD BE DRWONED IN COMMENTS AND APPROVAL....there are some nice stories and moments in one's life...even a sub, who is romantic and loving and prefers to serve a stronger form of positive "egoism"than his own, who is delighted to feel any form of existence (and it does) of femdom and the female wish to rule and excel...comes across them every now and again, but still it's harder to find joy of that kind in your daily life....there seem to be (officially) more subs than (official) female tops....
that problem does not exist as long as the female side is still a young princess, a girl, but later something seems to make them change (discourage them) to be open about it and admit, even understand their own wish to take control...they might do it still in details, but don't confront them with it...mostly you will find plenty of gold diggers amongst them, which is als a form of femdom (or can be), but it's not a form I would enjoy and take pleasure is not meant to last..and there is not the least of love from her side in such a (non)relationship....
Paradise is hard to find on this planet in every which way, unfortunately even in this respect, where one side of the couple (to be) is more than willing to submit to the's ancient times and even after many did or would have done much to recruit slaves and servants...they had to pay/capture and keep them thereafter at their that it is difficult to impossible and mostly not legal, to enjoy ownership and absolute command over such willing or unwilling creatures...but the wish to rule over others or use them to serve their own egoism still is noticeable, THERE ARE SOME INDIVIDUALS WHO OFFER AT ZERO COSTS AND (SOMEHOW) out OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL to be enslaved (by her beauty, mental or physical power) seems hard to find such a mistress who would gain in every which way...but easy to find a gold digger....really the next form of craziness life (human life above all) has to offer....if the world had not been so violent (and still is, especially in form of mental cruelty, which seems still allowed and welcome) one would think people wish nothing more than to be peacful, fair and favor equality....BUT WE KNOW IT BETTER, DON'T WE? JUST NOT THERE WHERE WE WOULD WELCOME IT..AT LEAST NOT AS A POTENTIAL SUB WITH LOTS OF LOVE TO GIVE AND MORE...ONCE AGAIN MISSION (NEARLY) IMPOSSIBLE....

Scott Boi said...

First and foremost I hope you enjoy your time and thank you again for the help, instruction, and insight you share here...

My domina believed that I should devote some part of my life to serving her domestically and so she created, over years mind you, a detailed list of tasks and services I was to perform and when. How she got there I think is worth sharing:

She began by simply typing up some basic domestic service requirements in a Word document and then posting it on the refrigerator. The first few "passes" - of both her list and my performance - were meant to help us learn what worked best. In her case how to insure I was productive and how to schedule the assignments as well as allowing her a reminnder for inspecting my work as she felt necessary. I learned both how to be a good domestic based on her standards and preferences.

If I was a good boi, if I was obedient and thoughtful when serving, then I was allowed time for myself where i was allowed to read approved books, watch approved movies, and use the internet with the understanding she tracked my activity and what was and was not best for me.

And she also consistently and frequently disciplined me when I needed correction.

The kicker: it was so good for me! I felt proud of myself and learned how to place her pleasure foremost.

Gigi said...


Do you think you might be back anytime soon?

David c said...

Are you now gone like so many others

Gigi said...

Ms. Kathy said she'd be back in July.