This has been a different type of Christmas for John and I. We usually spend time with one or two of the children. This year they were both committed to the other family. Those of you who have married children understand exactly what I am saying. Either way we had a good Christmas with neighborhood parties and events at the golf club. The time away has given me an opportunity to catch up with emails. For a person who takes pride in returning emails I have been derelict as some of my unreturned emails go back for months.
Following the publication of 'Punishment, A quick Aide' there was an updated email from Tina.
For those of you who do not know she is the young lady who was the subject of the post. Parts of her email made me laugh. Other parts gave me a more profound understanding of her situation. Her email opened with the simple phrase to the effect that your readers must think I am a terrible bitch. What I came to realize is that to understand Tina you first need to understand her situation.
My first thought was that yes the readers may think you are indeed a bitch. Aftercall, any wife who punishes a husband in front of a friend must have something of a cruel streak in her. Tina explained that her girlfriend was in fact her best friend in college. Before marriage they had been suite mates.
As suites mates in college they were routinely accustomed to sharing information about the guys they dated. Speaking as a former college girl I can tell you that this is not unusual in any way shape or form. She had already shared the story about her husband, then boyfriend, being on the submissive side. In some ways this may seem strange, but from what I can gather she considered it kind of a sweet spot rather than a criticism.
Over the past year Tina's friend had been over to the apartment on numerous occasions. On a couple of those occasions she had allowed the husband to fix and serve dinner. The way Tina described it there was nothing much kinky about it. The husband enjoyed serving, and they enjoyed bossing him around in a light hearted manner. Sometimes they would go out to a local club leaving the husband at home. It was not to be kinky, it was more that he had a 'ton' of studying to do as he was in law school.
They would Uber to the club, and call him for a pick up. If he wasn't to busy they would have a night cap together, and to tease him would talk about the guys that asked them to dance. The point of what she was trying to tell me, I think, is that the friend was already aware of the nuances of their relationship.
On the particular day Tina tells me that she was aware of traffic issues on the expressway. She was not so much trying to order him which way to go as much as she was trying to give him advice. Instead, he took a chauvinistic attitude that he knew best, and this is what seemed to cause her discomfort with the situation. The fact that he took this attitude in front of her friend added to the hostilities of the moment. Arriving at the theater she felt that this was not a situation to simply ignore.
They had been playing femdom games. She remembered a statement I had made in an email that a well disciplined man will willingly wait both on you and for you.
The words that Tina used in her email were simply that she seized the moment. It would do him good, she thought, to be punished for being disrespectful to her. Her girl friend from the dorm might be a little surprised, but it was not the end of the world she told me. Once again the girlfriend had been involved in some of their femdom games. As I read this part of her email the thought occurred to me was what is so wrong if anything with having a sweet submissive husband serve dinner to you and a friend.
The interesting part of the experiment was not so much the punishment, but the husband's response to it. He couldn't believe she told me that I really had the balls to punish him. Yes, he was embarrassed she told me, but it was also like something he had been waiting for. In the restaurant and on the way back to the apartment she gave her husband the command of silence. In the past this command had been a part of some of their play sessions. The difference was that this time it was not play.
The email exchange with Tina went back and forth several times. From the first email I remembered that the husband was locked. My question to Tina was would he had accepted her punishment if not for the fact that there was a chastity device placed around his private parts. She wasn't really sure she told me, but her feeling was that having her guy locked made it easier for him to accept punishment.
My other question to her was would you have really kept him locked for a month if he had disobeyed your commend. That response was an unquestioned yes.
Love Kathy
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12 comments:
Ms. Kathy,
As a submissive husband in my fifties I will admit that I wear a chastity device mostly every day. I had suggested it and my wife enforces it effectively and consistently. I’ve worn it long enough to know that if my wife decided something and I didn’t go along, she might feel bad about it but she might leave me locked and denied. That’s why I don’t cross her. I get few orgasms as it is. I just don’t want to be kept chaste for some open ended time period, and yet I do ‘crave’ being kept chaste for an open ended period of time. It’s very confusing. That’s why I do what mistress wants. I asked her to run the marriage and she does.
Ms Kathy,
I ADMIRE Ms Tina- She's got it right. I think she's NOTHING like a bitch. I would love a Woman like that.
Alex
Mistress Kathy,
Thank you for sharing your exchange with Tina, and Tina, thank you for allowing Mistress Kathy to discuss your events.
When a man enters into an FLR, one of the key components to it is that he accepts the principle that she is the person who makes the decisions. His responsibility is to accept her decision, period. That means without any back talking, second guessing, or reluctance. Yes, sometimes this can be difficult and takes some effort. However, any hesitation on his part just instills self-doubt in her as she is trying to grow into her role in the relationship.
Included in that is accepting her decision with respect to when and with who to share the details of the relationship. If he doesn't want her to have the freedom to share such information with her friends, then he should reconsider how much of an FLR he's willing to enter into.
In our relationship, my girlfriend shared our the status of our relationship with her college friends, and I will admit that at the time I wasn't pleased about it, but I accepted it. Now, in retrospect, I can see that it has been a large building block in the growth of our relationship. Believe me, being loaned out to one of her friends for menial labor, especially when her friend knows it's not something you're doing just to be friendly or helpful, but rather knows the real reason why, adds a whole new dimension to your life.
I think of Tina as neither cruel nor as a bi--h. I see her as a wife who is likely coming into her own and is unafraid to exercise her position of authority in her marriage.
Disclaimer: these thoughts to not apply to a relationship where one partner has ill-intent towards to the other. No relationship (FLR or not) would survive such an attitude.
-David
Ms Kathy,
I came back to comment something important in Your blog tonight.
I remember some of my friends from college were super-super intimate. I don't think I'd be ashamed if some of the Girls there knew I was submissive and you know? Some of them did! Mainly I am happy if there are Women and Girls that accept me and love me as submissive. I don't try to hide secrets from them, only from those who I don't think would take it well or those who I just don't want to share with because I don't like them but for my close Female friends, sure!
So I think if I had a Female Authority figure like a lover who punished me like Ms. Tina did I'd be thankful to Her and not think She's "a bitch" but on the contrary, a fabulous, fabulous Woman who knows what it means to be a Mistress. I would melt at Her feet and I'd get chills from our other Female friends who She shares this with. I would not regret it, I'd super love it. However, I would need Her to be very responsible about who to share this information with and who NOT to -- it's very important that She can be trusted in those very red lines. But if She's to be trusted there then yeah, I'd love Her to use Her Female Authority and Love in such a fun way that can also be so intimate.
Alex
The posts about Tina and her husband are very interesting. It seems he got exactly what he had asked for, so he can't really complain. I wonder how he now feels about being made to wait for his wife and her girlfriend while they were watching the movie? Sometimes an experience is embarrassing while it is happening but in hindsight it is exciting.
Best wishes for the New Year!
-Stewart
I have to admit how envious I am of Tina and her submissive husband. How exciting it is in the very early stages of living in a FLM. My wife and I began our FLM early on, over 30 years ago. It is wonderful now, and my wife is so much at ease being dominant to me, but in the beginning, every step is new and thrilling. For example, the first time she says, "you will rub my feet every night from now on", or the first time she tied me to a basement ceiling beam and whipped me. The first time she said, "you will wear panties from now on,", " you will do all of the housework, washing clothes and ironing from now on". All steps I take for granted now, but each step was a new adventure on seeing my gorgeous sexy wife become a mistress.
Tina s husband is extremely smart. He gradually asks his wife for more after she becomes comfortable with the last request. Instead of expecting her to be a total dominant overnight. Most women know very little about having a WLM, and are taught by their husbands. So, in order not to frighten them away, a husband has to ease his wife into it, making sure that she is comfortable with everything so far. Tina's husnpband is doing exactly that, and because of it, he will have a very dominant wife. It seems like she is doing quite well.
She will learn that exrtreme chastity is a wonderful tool for wives. She should always make him wait a month, and go from there depending on his behavior and pleasing her. My wife now makes me wait 3 months minimum between orgasms, and I loose my chance if I have displeased her. She gets her organs.at least once a week, by my tomgue or one of her many vibrators, usually both. Then I pat off her pussy to dry it and pult her panties on her. Nothing for me. She does edge me several times a week, but I am forbidden to cum. When she finally allows me to cum, she will rub me in my panties, tell me I have permission and must cum in 1 minute. If I Cali to, she may try in one wee. If I fail, I loose that chance. I have not been allowed in her pussy for many years . She says it is too great a privledge for a slave, and I have no right to leave my mess in her. I do wear a chastity device for a short time when very horny, but my wife does not like it. She says it is an artificial form of control, if she says I may not cum for 3 months, that is final. I should obey her (which I do ) instead of needing the Cb 6000 to stop me.
I do all of the housework, laundry, ironing and prepare most meals. Since we live in Florida, my wife golfs twice a week with friends, and goes to lunch afterwards. She may allow me to golf once every two weeks if my housework has been perfect. When she gets home, I must massage her from head to toe, give her orgasms and let her nap.
It is a great life. I enjoy pleasing my wife and doing everything for her. Even when she must punish me, I know it is for a good reason and I deserve it. I commented on your blog awhile back about punishments that I feel bad when she punishes me because I have not lived up to me being a perfect slave.
So Tina, have fun and the more dominant you are, the better your relationship will be.
Dear Mistress Kathy,
The initial post was very informative and illustrates how a FLM can develop from play and a sense of "kinda" submissiveness to a real lifestyle. I think many couples develop this way; some faster than others, of course.
There is no way, i'd consider Ms. Tina a bitch. She was put in that role (and shared her life with a close friend), by her husband. The fact that she accepted and is progressing down that path is probably what he had been praying for since childhood. They are probably a very well matched couple and if it doesn't affect his school or work environment; will serve him well the rest of his life. I'd consider him a very lucky guy and her an angel to love him enough to punish him.
Sincerely,
larry
Yes, she is a corrosive thundering bitch. Her nameless (this says it all) "husband" should bail out before it is too late and if he still wants to play "femdom" games , do it with someone who has an ounce of humanity...You yourself are an example of extremely pompous (really extreme) self-righteousness. Loving??? I'm sure this comment will be suppressed by the same token or, would you have the courage to let it be expressed, mistress? which to me you know you're not...),
Disgusted.
BTW: a native speaker pf English would say instead of "This has been a different type of Christmas for John and I"; "john and me" but.." Fo"r forces an accusative case ("me") even after AND. Learn and be less pompous.
yours,
necessarily anonymous.
Ms Kathy,
I just wanted to comment that punishment, provided it's in a LOVING Female Led Relationship is a very neglected subject and it's amazing that you are having this series about it. Sure, there's the porn-like horrible fantasy where punishment is not neglected at all, but within loving Femdom, which is what we're about at this blog, punishment is usually not talked about as much as is needed. So please be congratulated and encouraged to go on with this.
Likewise, corporal punishment is hardly ever talked about. I know you don't use it, but Ms. Becky does. I wished she could guest-author a post?
Alex
Ms Kathy,
thank you for your post and I apologize for my Google translation.
I had the good fortune to serve a lady by cleaning her house. I was wearing a dress and I worked under her control. One day, she asked me to clean the windows. I hesitated at first, I was afraid of being seen by the neighbors. But not daring to disobey her, I climbed on a stool and I began my work, the windows were open. My mistress sometimes looked under my dress. and I liked that. But most of all I took a lot of fun doing this job. I was very proud to show that I belonged to this lady, that I served her. I was also very proud to have overcome my shame and to feel at my place, liberated. And I also think that no one saw me or that people were not interested in what I was doing.
I think this is the problem of many submissive or men who would like to be. They must hide their submission and it makes them unhappy. it's sad to be ashamed of what you are when you should be proud of it.
Thank you
michel
In a FLR marriage, I learned that I best do as told and do not try to get out of it. Our marriage is strong because of FLR. She has told others, a couple of her friends have followed her lead. I've learned that if a spanking is required it is done on the spot. The worse spanking was when her best friend was visiting. She told her friend that if she wished to wait in the kitchen was okay or she could stay. In the front room she lowered my pants, underpants, I stood there, the friend watching. I was scolded like a child, the friend smiling. My wife then told her friend that my little boy toy will not be erect for long, I wanted to hide. Once over her lap I put on a show, dancing afterwards, my pants and underpants I had kicked off, all on display. The friend smile, it is gone she said, my wife smiled, spankings take care of that and hurt more after it is gone. I stood facing the wall, the two talked. The final part of the punishment was being told to put on my jammies and get back to the front room, I did. My wife smiled when I walked in, like his little boy jammies she said to her friend, cute the friend said. What do you do now my wife said and slowly walked to the wall, faced it and pull my bottoms down. The best part my wife said to her friend, admiring my handiwork. I would have it no other way, I may not like others to see me being spanked, but told I would not be spanked if I would not do stupid things. Deep down I do enjoy being a naughty little boy over "mommies" lap and my bare bottom getting warm and stinging.
Dont let some bozo put you down your the queen of this blog and submissive men like me love what you write so do us all a favor and delete that bozos rude comment it has no place on here your the boss
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