A Side Note...

This is turning more into a series than a side note, but the comments are interesting.

The simple truth is that not everyone understands the male submissive personality, and most people tend to reject things that they don't understand. Even my John, if you asked him, would say something to the effect that he doesn't understand the why of it. He simply knows that submissiveness is and has always been a real part of his core personality.

The simple truth is that it is difficult going from a vanilla type of relationship to chocolate. Even Becky had difficulty understanding what David wanted when he first approached her. It took time, it took discussions with mom as well as a lot of reading and thinking. One of the things that stuck Becky was the realization that she and David had already been in a kind of mistress/submissive type relationship. After doing some soul searching she came to realize that her priorities, her wants and needs had become David's wants and needs. She also came to understand that over the time they had been together David had assumed much of her moral compass. If she said something was wrong, it was also wrong for David. If she put her blessing on something that needed to be done in the home, David was also for it.

The other thought that struck Becky was that her friends had become David's friends. When they first started to go out David had a number of friends of his own. Most of the time, however, they ended up going out with one of Becky's girlfriends and their husbands. Little by little they stopped doing things with David's friends. This was never something that was planned. It just happened. It finally got to the point, Becky told me that she made social plans for the weekend without discussing them with David. It was not that she minded talking about the plans with David, it was more that he was waiting to be told. They had one occasion a few years ago when she completely forgot to tell David that they were going out to dinner. 'Why aren't you getting dressed' she asked him. 'For what' he replied.
It was only after this brief discussion that it came to her that she had forgotten to tell David that they were going out.

In looking back over the first few years of their relationship Becky tells me that David was fine with all of this. On that evening she forgot to tell him about the dinner plans, she told him to hurry up or they would be late for the reservations. 'What was David's reaction', I asked. 'He hurried up, he did as told', Becky again  responded. 'Did he complain at all' I remember asking. 'No, he just did as I told him to do', Becky repeated.

As she now looks back on the pre femdom part of their relationship she sees all of the signs associated with submissive male behavior. Instead of making decisions or plans of their own submissive men tend to wait for the woman in their life to orchestrate things. From what I have observed submissive men find a sense of security when women take the lead. Instead of being in the forefront of the conversation submissive men tend to listen when  women are speaking. On a walk they prefer to place themselves just behind the lady they are accompanying. When going through a door way they will take a slight step ahead to open the door, but they want the lady to be the first one to enter the room. And yes, when properly trained they love the opportunity to hold a lady's coat or even her purse.

Not to long ago a lady asked me for a simple test to determine if a man was submissive. I told her to take her guy shopping, and have him hold her purse in the mall. If he does so without complaint he is probably submissive.  Or better yet have him hold her purse while taking a long phone call. If he simply smiles after a long conversation about nothing he is probably submissive. Another young lady told me that she took her guy shopping. When they passed a plus size store with a sexy lingerie display  she casually mentioned that he might look good in that. And yes, she told me that he got excited at the idea of wearing what they were looking at.

One of the habits Becky picked up has been to use her index finger as a signaling device to summon David. She did this she told me without even realizing it. 'Mom', she said 'you might be the blame for this habit'. We talk a lot on the phone. 'Instead of putting the phone down, I  got in the habit of signaling  him to come', she told me. Yes, of course, I thought-I do the same with John. Now, instead of telling him to come I simply waive my finger at him. Either way I told Becky a husband should be trained to keep his eyes focused on his wife's hands. Becky told me that she once slapped David for staring at a big 'titted' girl in the mall. 'Eyes down' she told him, and he apologized.

If something ever happened to my guy would I be open to another submissive man. Yes, of course. Would I seek a relationship with another submissive man. Probably not, but then this was a hypothetical question and who knows. For now I simply know that my guys teats me like a queen. His focus in life is on me, and I love him all the more for that. And sometimes we have a little kink in our lives. And if someone has criticism of this my answer is simply so what.

 Hope you enjoy the blog, but keep commenting. Many of you have trouble finding the courage to share, but it is good to try.

Love,


Kathy