Well, here it is Sunday morning. With John now retired the routine of our lives has changed. The days, the weeks, and the months seem to fly by. I have been working part time, on and off, for the last couple of years. There is always work for me when I want it. It is nice to have work experiences that are in demand. I can't imagine staying home eating bom-boms everyday, growing fat and old supervising a husband while he cleans.
The truth of the matter is that John has developed out side interest. He plays golf and volunteers his time as a docent at a local museum. Some of the blogs preach the idea of the house husband who is not allowed social interest outside of the home. For me this is concept is repulsive. Men need guy friends. They need to be with other men where they can do guy things. Many of the fantasy books talk about the idea of feminizing men into some type of sissy version of themselves. What woman, what wife would want that.
I very much enjoyed reading the comments to this current series of posting. Most men have spells of rebellion in them. There are times when John is less submissive than others. Alex made the comment that reading the blog causes his submissive side to come out. The entire idea of male submission remains a mystery to me. The studio was an artificial environment where the guys came for an hour or so to bow, kiss feet, and take orders from women. Submission in the real world if much more complicated.
In the real world a wife must learn to handle a husband when he is having those alpha moments.
A husband can ask for play time which is fine. Yet, in a more serious femdom marriage a wife can not let the husband decide which days he should serve and obey, and which days the rules of the house do not apply. I have had emails from wives who have given their guys orders to do things only to be yelled at by them. Is there any wonder that there are not more femdom marriages?
If a couple works at femdom it is possible for each of them to grow in their respective roles. This is what happened with John and I. The studio experience for John was more than just an hour here and then. He was one of Tara's house boys who came to do serious work. He cleaned, he painted, he cut grass and took care of her plants. He spent many nights sleeping in her kennel while he was supposedly on business trips. Yet, as serious as this experience was he knew that he could always leave without repercussions.
In a marriage where the wife controls all of the financial assets, has most property in her name things are different. When John came home the advice given to me was to make it 'real'. Make John understand that when he accept you as his mistress there is no turning back. Make sure that femdom is not a game that he can turn on or off as his mood dictates. As our relationship developed in the first year or two I began to see the importance of protocols and rules. Whether in a so called submissive frame of mind or not John was expected to follow orders.
In the beginning there were more times in which he was punished. He was learning. We were both learning. My friends told me not to worry about punishing him. Make sure he understands that punishment if for real. Make sure he realizes that any failure to accept punishment could result in the end of our femdom relationship, and perhaps our marriage. We know there would be alpha moments. Yet, we also knew that John needed a mistress in order to be happy. And yes, in the beginning I very much felt the weight of that responsibility.
Love, Kathy
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13 comments:
It is love that my wife shows, many ways she shows it, spanking is one. From the beginning she knew I needed some direction and I also did. That first spanking was an awakening, she meant every spank and I knew it was needed. She knows her place as wife, friend, and at times as she puts it being the "Mommy". So for me when I have stepped out of line, told to get to the bedroom, I do so quickly, sometimes I told to be naked, other times she prefers to bare my bottom. No matter what, I learn and have time facing the kitchen wall to think about what got me here. A woman's hand can love in many ways and my wife hand proves just that when it lands on my bare bottom. Jeffery
Mistress Kathy, I admire you. I admire your commonsense. I admire your wisdom. I admire how you took an impossibly difficult and hurtful situation when you learned of John's betrayal when he spent time at The Studio and held your marriage intact. I dont' know if I ever heard you comment whether or not your femdom marriage is more rewarding, more intimate, more satisfying than the marriage you had prior but regardless, it seems to me that your underlying motive for becoming a Mistress was to not lose John. And for that you have my utmost of respect. Yes, being a mistress is not always easy but you took the more difficult road and now you have reaped the rewards.
You are loved by so many
I'm Hers
Has John surrendered so much financial control that he effectively has no way to leave the marriage if he is no longer happy with the manner in which you exercise your powers?
Kathy:
I have been a follower over the past year or so. Happy to see you posting again; regret that you had to remove the many wonderful entries that related the story of you and your husband’s evolvement into a FLM.
There is something very special about your writings. Of course the subject matter is of interest to a submissive older fellow like me; the tone, the word choice, the emotion and sincerity that comes through with each word and phrase, are something very special I believe. Especially so to a blog, but it is so nice these days to see excellent writing and story-telling skills.
When I read your words I simply feel like I am sitting across the kitchen table talking to a friend: Just a matter of fact neighborly chat. Perhaps it is the love for one another in your relationship that shines through in each of your messages that I find so enjoyable and warming.
The words in your blog often stick with me throughout the day, and I find my thoughts mulling over your words. On those days I seem to feel a sense of empathy for your husband and how lucky he is to be married to a Woman with such great capacity to understand, love and accept him.
I truly appreciate how you have worked hard to save your marriage and have been willing to adapt and provide your husband something that he so quietly longed for, for many years. I am in awe of your willingness to go to such lengths; your care and compassion; and the deep love and respect you must harbor for your husband. You are a rare, yet truly amazing and very special person and woman.
Of course it also appears that you have come to enjoy your role and have become comfortable with living your life with a slightly different perspective in your marriage.
I am retired….5 years now and have an outside life similar to John’s….golf, volunteer, but sorry to say live in a mixed marriage…the wife is purely vanilla. We’ve tried the FLM but she is a traditionalist through and through. I love her…49 years married this June…a very wonderful and special Woman in so many ways. I adore her and ache to allow my submissive soul to come to life as John and you have been able to make happen. However, it causes her much grief to have our relationship exist with the Female in Charge. My desire, at the root, is for her happiness…so of course I comply with her wishes: Perhaps, the ultimate submission.
Thanks for all of your wonderful blogs and for sharing a little of your life. It gives me much solace for my own situation.
Steve
For Steve
Thank you honey for the very sweet comment. It is much appreciated on a Monday morning. Please know that older men are very dear to me. Also, it is my belief that femdom gives older man a 'purpose'. Men are so focused on supporting a family that they often put aside personal goals until they are older. Often times after retirement they have a way of floundering while looking for a new direction in life. A mistress wife can sometimes be the person to provide them with that direction.
Please comment often,
Love, Kathy
For Anonymous,
One of the things I tell my daughter is that financial control is important in a marriage of any kind, but especially in a femdom relationship.
The simple truth is that if given access to money and time most men will eventually get into trouble of some kind. This is what happened with John when his eyes stumbled on to an add in one of those underground newspapers. He had cash from his expense account and no one was managing his time. He decided to try something that he had been thinking about for a long time. He got hooked. It is not that he is a bad man or anything like that, he is just a man with the usual appetite for something new and exciting.
Any wife needs to understand the importance of keeping a husband on a small cash allowance, control use of credit cards. (Sometimes charges on credit cards for exotic services appear as something innocent) Above all I tell Becky know where your husband is at all times, know what he is doing and whom he is doing it with.
One of the things that Becky does well is control of David's wallet. When he is at home it remains in her purse.
Love, Kathy
For I'm Hers,
Thank you sweet baby for the question.
You know femdom marriage is rewarding, it is intimate, and over time you develop a special relationship with a man.
Femdom is also a responsibility. Sometimes you just want to say here are the keys, take me some place, and hold me tight. Leadership is a burden. It can get tiresome.
Yet, over time couples can grow into their respective roles. The recent comment by James is very much on point and I would encourage everyone to read it.
For women femdom is an acquired taste. It does not come easy. For some many women it will not come at all. Yet, for the woman who is willing to open her heart to it femdom can be a very rewarding way of life.
Love you,
For Jeffery,
Thank you honey for the comment.
While spanking seems to be a part of many fandom marriages I have never spanked John.
From what I can see spanking is more of a reward than a punishment. In most cases it encourages of a man to misbehave. There is also the association of the spanker being something of a mommy figure to a man. This is not for me. I want John to see me as his wife and mistress not a mommy figure.
Love,
Kathy
Hello Kathy, I have been following your "Morning thought " post. It is in the early morning hours when I am alone with my first cup of coffee that I often reflect on my submissive desires. I found your comment about the mystery of "The entire idea of male submission " to be conflicting given your apparent knowledge of the phenomenon yet understandable since it remains a mystery to most couples living the lifestyle . Certainly I do not have the answer and have only started to accept and understand my submissive desires after a lifetime of experience . My efforts to explain these desires to the woman I love have brought me to a time of reflection and learning . I am confident that ALL men are Born with the desire to submit to and serve the woman they love. I think men carry this desire from birth but only begin to embrace it as they become enlightened and mature in themselves. As a young man , I quickly learned that the key to attracting a young woman's attention was to be strong ,confident and powerful . The resulting male dominated relationships were never fulfilling and only led to more conquests that eventually ending in confusion and pain for both parties. I knew from somewhere deep in my soul that I wanted to be in completel submission to this woman of my dreams but how could I find her? I think all men and women could give testimony to this cycle of failed relationships and sadly the key was always there. Each time I see a failing relationship whether it be someone in my family or maybe just a couple I casually know it is so obvious that the problem is the lack of female empowerment. Notice I did not say " Femdom" . A woman has to first embrace her given power and grow beyond the woman of submission that our society has so cruelly imposed on our lives. Only then can she began to understand that she was created for the man to pursue , desire and ultimately serve. I know all this is so completely backwards to what we were taught bet yet it is becoming so evident in our lives with each coming year. There are no media outlets that portray a woman as weak and subservient anymore,the woman are always portrayed as strong and powerful. The mystery of male submission is really very simple, Men adore and find great joy in serving the woman they love.
What we see on the internet is a very distorted view of real life Femdom. Which mostly centers on promoting and satisfying kinks and little more. There is nothing wrong with kinks, as I believe in many Femdom homes what is called a kink on the internet. Could easily be called a protocol or a training method by those of us actually living it. It all depends on the goals set by the couple and what they like and want in their relationship. The internet is a game, and submission while a certain kink is filmed is not a real life FLR.
Mistress Kathy is right again, real life Femdom is not a fantasy on the internet. And it should definitely not be a game. It is the woman's responsibility to understand that and make sure that he understands that too. An FLR is not to be turned on and off as the mood hits. Rules, protocols, responsibilities, consequences and punishments need to be enforced. Submissive men are happiest when they have clear rules and protocols to follow. When they know what is expected of them in every situation. And when they know their Mistress will follow thru with whatever punishments are needed without hesitation. This is not being mean, they are the actions of a loving wife and Mistress. That's determined not to let alpha moments creep in and eventually ruin what they have built together. Submissive men need and want to serve a female authority figure that understands them. One that will hold them accountable and not let them stray for their own good.
Spanking may be more a reward for some, but it certainly is not for me. And I love the idea of being spanked. It even arouses me. However, my wife spanks with serious implements and spanks hard and long and on the bare skin. Any arousal or reward us long gone after just 2 swats....seriously. I have a high pain tolerance and enjoy the concept of spanking, but because of my experience I'm afraid when she tells me I'm close to earning a spanking and it is definitely a deterrent to behave any way other than what she wants!
I cannot speak for all submissive men but the key to my happiness can certainly be found in Mistress Sandra's last paragraph. I am not so concerned about the kink but I need the relationship to be real and consistent. No games . I need to know her authority and expectations are real. Once both parties get to this point ,the relationship become something far greater than a vanilla couple could ever hope to experience.
Great post and comments. Many thanks to Mistress Kathy and the other ladies who take the time to share their thoughts here.
Thank all of you, especially Mistress Sandra, for sharing with us.
As John mentions in his comment the relationship must be real and it must be consistent. When this happens the relationship becomes far greater than a vanilla couple could ever hope to experience. I very much agree with this, but it takes time. Very few of us are ever prepared to jump into femdom with both feet.
Also, I love the term female empowerment. Perhaps we should use this word instead of dominance, or control, or authority. What I do agree with is this most men have a innate desire to serve and to some extend please the women in their lives. This perhaps is the natural basis for the male's desire to worship at the feet of a confident woman.
And, as Mistress Sandra reminds us of the importance of rules and protocols. They help keep those destructive alpha moments to a minimum.
Love, Kathy
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