'It is not the makeup on her face, but the makeup of her attitude' that attracts a man to a woman.
If there is one line from the all of the comments that should be repeated time and time again it is this one. Have you have seen a couple and wondered what it is that attacks a nice looking man to a woman like 'that'. I think we all have. It is of course love, but love springs forward from attraction of some type.
Men are first attracted to nice looking women, but beyond that men want to be with women who are smart, confident, and who have the ability to lead them. In many ways this starts back in high school. Sure, it was often the boy who asked the girl out on the first day. Yet, it was the girl that sent signals out to the boy that it was safe to ask her. And, most of the outings were planned by the girls. The boys were often told how to dress, time for pickup, and where to wait while the girls went in group to the restroom.
The comments are so different than they were in the early years of the blog. Most of the comments are from men who are in some version of a femdom relationship. It my opinion that more and more men are finding the self confidence to open up about their need for control. Women are often accepting of leading men as long as it is not called femdom or by some other label that seems to have a type of kink attached to it. What men fail to realize is that women do not want to be seen by others as being controlling or bossy.
Love, Kathy
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13 comments:
My wife is just that woman, she runs the home, but away from home she prefers to be the obey wife. There are ways she still runs the show away from home, especially the look, or the key word if I'm in trouble, warm isn't it. A couple of her close girl friends know, but then again, their husbands understand he is in charge. Dean
Kathy,
The hardest reality for so many men to deal with is that after the earnest heart-felt discussion and the best efforts to be emotionally naked and transparently honest, your wife of so many years just flatly refuses to consider being who you need her to be. And then what? Do you divorce and imperil the welfare of your children or do you just tamp down and pack away who you are for the welfare of others? One of the biggest lies I ever read was that if you were just honest with your wife and she really loved you, she would find a way to meet your needs. I have not found that to be so. I don't wish to dynamite my stable domestic reality, but I am so bored and unsatisfied with it. Years ago I had one of those white knuckled take your breath away, oh my God did anyone see that romances that makes you tremble and giggle when you think about it. As I get older I wonder if there's enough time left on the clock to find that again. What we all want is to have that with our wives. Sadly, we don't.
Kathy, this comment is ment for the anonymous # 2 post . I lived the very life you described for 20 years and was probably the most miserable person on earth. Looking back I wish I had embraced my submission, found contentment in my person and allowed my wife to simply live her life as she felt comfortable. I would have absolutely no expectations of her and I would have simply found joy in my children and the simple things of life. I have been single now for over 10 years and I can tell you the life you seek will probably be almost as impossible to find outside of marriage as it is inside. Live the heartfelt words you presented to your wife because it is who you are but expect absolutely noting in return .
Mistress Kathy,
I would like to share with everyone that I for one will say that I am "addicted" not to this site but to you. There are many places to get my fendom fix or kink but you have moved me past that stage. I do not come here for sexual pleasure I come for an intellectual fix. An understanding of human nature for a sense of acceptance that I don't get in my "real life". The idea of fending without Mistress Kathy is not complete in my eyes. So I proudly say yes ma'am I am addicted not to tendom but to femdom101 because we share the same values. Thank you Mistress Kathy
Ur Bobo
I often wonder why some men are attracted to the empty headed vapid types of women who are all looks and no substance. The sort you know it is all looks but no conversation. That said those men probably aren't much into conversation either.
I have been married to Elle for over twenty five years and with her for nearly thirty. I can still remember what attracted me to her, and what then cemented our relationship and gave it the strength that keeps it going to this day. I remember where I was the first moment I saw her, what I was doing and what it was about her that got all of this started. It was her smile. Her genuine, open, honest smile. It wasn't just her mouth that smiled, but her eyes.
Before we started dating we became firm friends, and we talked. For hours, about everything. Our lives, our families, our dreams, our past relationships, our jobs. I very nearly got trapped in the friend zone but it was Elle who agreed to cross that line and become first my girlfriend and then later my Wife. For much of the time we have been together she has not believed me when I have told her how beautiful she is because she doesn't fit the stereotypical look that society has decided is beautiful. But her smile is still something that melts my heart and her conversation still captivates and motivates me.
I am lucky that after those almost thirty years together Elle has finally admitted that she is in charge and is happily taking us into an acknowledged FLR. I had always known she was the one who made all the important decisions and gave our relationship the foundation that has made it so successful. The last two years has been an interesting journey as we discovered first male chastity and through that first the idea of a woman led Relationship and then the reality. We are both happier because of it.
Justin.
I second 'Anonymous'. I have been married 15 years following a fast passionate courting. I still love her deeply and we have two kids. She still loves me. I have been submissive as long as I can remember, certainly before puberty and realising what sex was. Several years ago I confessed this to my wife who accepted the knowledge and decided/promised to look into it. But as per comment above, doesn't want it. I am rejected. She says I'm not, but... that's how I feel. Since I have opened Pandora's box of confession I can't close it again and I really do NEED her to want it. Frankly I'm still struggling to deal with the results. I love her and my kids, but I constantly yearn and crave what I shall never get If I remain in my marriage, or at least I remain honest and faithful in my marriage. I can tell you, this is a bitter and conflicted place to be, I wish I had never opened my mouth. I wish I weren't so selfish.
In so many ways I understand well what many of you are saying.
If John had simply come to me with the message that he was submissive and needed me to become his mistress, would I have understood what it is he wanted? The answer is probably not. Even if I understood the idea of going from a loving wife to a loving mistress wife was beyond the pale of my experiences. Yet, in this world there are beautiful women such as Mistress Elle who understands the needs of their guy for authority. What is the spark I wonder that enables her to lead?
Over the years I have asked that question to the girls whom Tara introduced me to from the studio. Why did you go with him to the studio I would ask. It just seemed the right thing to do was a common answer. Or, so that he wouldn't be tempted to cheat was another answer, or I simply thought it would be fun. What I did not hear from these women was that they wanted to be a mistress.
Love, Kathy
Yet, there are reasons why femdom is not mainstream the way it could be. Surprisingly, the problem lies with feminist influences. The feminists have always viewed men who enjoy femdom with great suspicion and downright hostility. For example, when a man experiments with wearing perfumes and lingerie, at that moment, he is not romanticizing a career woman toiling in a cubicle farm, he is romanticizing a bimbo seductress. To the feminists, this is being sexist and is a major moral crime. When a man wants to be a slave to a woman, the feminists really hate it because the man is implicitly coveting the traditional house wife role in a marriage. They can't have that! It is curious how hostile modern feminists are to whites, even white women. The attitudes of the feminist movement make much more sense when one realizes that it is actually controlled by men, in particular a few oligarchs who want a borderless world where they pay the lowest possible wages and have everyone be an interchangeable part, worrying only about consumerist, materialist issues. Women,as an oppressed group are used as a tool by these oligarchs, and when the oligarchs have achieved their goals, women and every other group they claim to stick up for will get kicked to the curb. That's how international hyenas operate.
Joel
This male has been attracted to older women, maybe more mature, more free in their thoughts, and most of all act without thinking. The person I've been seeing for a couple of years knew from the beginning that I had a hidden desire. She was determine to find it and finally she did, she was blunt about it also, "so you want a spanking" caught me by surprise. Most men do she said with a smile, see you do also, pointing out the bulge in my pants. Going to count to ten she said, best be naked, hands at side, and I quickly did as told. Oh I enjoy being over her lap, she did not fool around, my bottom was red, stinging, very warm when she finished. I went to get dress and she said not yet, told me to face the wall. I looked at her, but you have a friend visiting shortly, she smiled, naughty boys will do as told and I stood facing the wall. My spanking was talked about, it was when the friend mentioned there might be magazines hidden. When the friend left, that question was asked, I looked at her, get them she said and I did. Spankings happen from time to time, she does not care when either. Our sex life is great, but she truly understands my needs for a spanking and this I'm grateful. Mark
Thanks Mark.
Very similar to my introduction to accepting my sub traits, in front of another man.
I don't know which of us were more shocked. He didn't say much of anything but smiled as I was admonished.
richard s
Ms. Kathy,
I would like to thank you for your blog. I have read it quite some time and read it to my wife.
I don't comment near as much as I should but, we always enjoy it.
I have one of those near perfect wives, she enjoys, most of the time anyway, being the head of our home and she manages our family business, our ranch. She is the one that decided she wanted to be in charge, she saw that one of us needed to be in charge and she wanted to be it.
It has been wonderful for us and our marriage. She believes in it so much that she taught our daughter to take control of her marriage and taught our daughter in law to do the same. All three of us men are happy and content with our wives lovingly in charge.
Your words I think, go a long way in helping other wives to embrace living this way and in making it 'normal'.
I think we all worry at times with being seen as "normal" and that too often stands in the way of happiness for many couples.
We see this as a perfectly "normal " way to have a great marriage, showing love to one another.
Again, Thank you.
Mistress Kathy,
Thank you for the many insights you have given us. You shared the
ease and importance of hand signals that control submissive males
without their mistress having to speak. Becky must have witnessed
you using those many times. Does she give orders to David using
the signals she has learned from you, or others she has developed?
Does she use them on John when he is left under her authority?
Submissively, ralph
Ms. Kathy,
This post is such a melter... At the end what Femdom loving people want to hear is exactly what you bring on this post.
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