Punishment......

Well, I think we had some really great comments to the last posting.

Discipline is a difficult concept to explain, but when it is there you know it.

Just about all of you know my story. It began with Tara and the studio. This young lady preferred to work with couples. She loved the feeling of watching a wife learn the ways of being an effective mistress to her husband. She often commented that if more women learned to use their natural authority over their men the divorce rate would be much lower. Tara detested the dungeon word that is most commonly used by women in the trade. Her establishment was a studio or a place where artist and sculptors worked. She though of herself and her girls as artist. In spite of having a certain common core of needs, every client was unique. It was up to us to us to identify those special needs.  She understood the courage it took for a man to open up to his wife about his need for female authority. She also understood the courage it took for a woman to accompany her man to the studio.

One of the good things Tara did was to form a small number of us into a group. At one time we would meet every month, talk about things, and sometimes cry on one another's shoulders.  It was such a blessing to have friends in the lifestyle. On  more than one of those monthly meeting we discussed the issue of punishment. On the day before one of the women had punished her husband with a spanking and corner time. One of the other women asked if the punishment was really for the husband's benefit or for her benefit. 'What do you mean', was the reply. 'Well, was the purpose of the punishment to make you feel better or him worse' was the answer.  That got us into the issue of punishment and its purpose.

What we kind of decided  was that the purpose of punishment was to make a man feel 'badly' for offending us in some way. It was easy for our group to identity ways in which our guys caused us to be become angry -talking back, disobedience, cheating, or simply lack of respect. What we agreed upon was that the method of punishment was not important. What was more important was the context in which the punishment was given. We had to be serious about it. Punishment was not about playing some type of femdom game. What we realized was that a simple punishment such as taking away a fishing trip or football game could be more beneficial than a spanking. In the right context a dose of humiliation could also be beneficial. Among us girls having a guy wear a ribbon in his hair could be funny and embarrassing for him, but it was not really punishment. Having him wear the same ribbon on the streets or in a public store could send a message. Likewise, having him wear the ribbon in front of another man -subject to cat calls and such could be a way of teaching your guy a lesson that he was likely to remember for along time.

One of the things we all learned from Tara was that if your husband wants you to be the boss than it was best to become the boss. What was important was to elevate the femdom experience from the level of a game to becoming a real mistress who expected obedience. In the that regard the purpose of punishment was to send a message that you are indeed the mistress and he is the one who has pledged to obey.  A punishment as simple as replacing a football game with extra house work was generally more effective than a more elaborate punishment that was more like a game for him. We also learned that being a mistress to a man was nothing to be ashamed of. She taught us to take pride in who we were and what we had accomplished with our men. In her words women who punished were women of substance. And, she made the point that what submissive men most needed in their lives was a woman of substance who could take control of him. Punishment, she said was about love, not hate.

On an everyday basis I try to live my life as a woman of substance. We love, we kiss and we hold hands, but behind the affection is a reminder of who wears the pants in our relationship.  As a mistress wife, a woman of substance, punishment is both a right and a duty. Punishment is part of the control process that makes our relationship work. It is like the oil in an engine that allows the parts to turn and rub together. And yes, it is part of the artistry that comes with managing the man whom I love.

Love you all for reading. Have a great Christmas.


Kathy