In some ways I feel sorry for the long absence from the blog. Yet the truth is simply that there is nothing for me to say at the moment. There is also the feeling that I have said enough. The future of female led relationships is about the young women of the world who are willing to break away from the traditional restraints and norms related to gender. In every day life women are making positive changes. They are running for public office. They are entering the professions in record numbers.
How these changes will affect the family I have no idea. And, as all of you know Femdom 101 is about the family rather than the work environment.
For the most part Femdom as we know it is related to the male desire for female control of his life.
The idea of the naturally dominant woman is more of a male fantasy rather than a concept that women aspire to. Yet, I do know that form personal experience that women can learn to like being a mistress to their man. It is not just about having a man who keeps the house clean and changes the bed sheets, it is about giving him the type of home structure that he needs to flourish. It is about a whole new level of intimacy. And yes there are millions of sweet, loving submissive men in the world who need a real life lady who has the courage to take control of them.
Back in the early years of this blog most comments were from men who were 'want a bees' in femdom relationships. Looking at the comments from the Washday Series most of the comments came from men who were actually in some type of female led relationship. Over a ten year range this change is significant. Also, I have observed the same type of change related to comments on other blogs. Most comments come from men who consider their wives as head of house. They may not consider themselves 'slaves' or property of their wives, but they do render some level of obedience to them.
What I have also observed from the more recent parts of the blog is that some men render some level of service or obedience to their older daughters. The comment from Thomas Lavalle that he regularly 'picks up' after his twenty five year old daughter gave me pause. It made me wonder if femdom was truly becoming multi generational or if this was more of a fictional comment. Another gentleman sent me an email related to the ways in which he serves his adult daughter who is living with him post divorce. Both the wife and daughter have become his mistresses. What he tells me is that the daughter is more strict with him than the wife. John clearly remembers the first time he used the ma'am word with Becky. It felt like the most natural thing in the world he tells me.
The other comment I would like to make is that femdom is about love and caring more than whips and chains. It is about women accepting their men for whom they are and giving them the emotional support that that satisfies them in a way that nothing else will. This can only happen when a woman truly loves a man. For women learning to appreciate femdom is like learning to like oysters. It is an acquired taste that takes time and effort to develop. Once the taste is acquired it is something that stays with us.
Although I have not been writing I think about each and everyone of you who. Many of you have been able to develop the type of relationships that satisfy your needs. Many of you have not.
For those of you who are single my advice is to reach our in a soft gentle way to the women whom you meet. Don't be afraid to open your selves up. Yes, there will be rejection. Yes, some will think you are weird. Have the courage of your convictions. Be proud of the person you are. Be masculine, but tender. Be sensitive to HER needs. And yes, that HER needs is in capital letters because too many submissive men have a tendency to gush on their needs.
Love you all for reading. Love you even more for sharing. As the moment I am not sure where the blog is going. We'll see.
Kathy
obviously like your web-site however you need to check the spelling on several of your posts.
ReplyDeleteA number of them are rife with spelling issues and I to find
it very troublesome to inform the reality on the other hand
I will definitely come back again.
you are so correct about more than whips and chains...they have their place but its about making each other happy. i just happen to want things that would typically make people miserable. i get such joy from my wifes pleasures being fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteas to the daughter question. what to say and at what age is so very very difficult. my 14 year old step daughter sees my cook clean laundry iron while her and mom watch tv. nothing is made of it. she thought it quite funny to help pick out an apron as a birthday present.
she has commented about justin timberlake sexy back the line i'll let you whip me if i misbehave wouldnt things be so much easier if insert my name would let us whip him if we thought he misbehaved.
there was a music video not sure who where the lady singer had a man on a leash. she cracked up laughing mom you have to see this its awesome she said
will she figure out mom and me on her own? 14 is to young to do anything to me so for now we leave it as i take care of her as a maid or butler would
A very nice article! Thanks for posting again.
ReplyDeleteYour comments about the changes which have taken place in the last ten years are very interesting. I recall reading an article - it must have been well over ten years ago - about female domination. The writer said that there were hardly any dominant women in real life apart from professional dominatrixes. Sometimes a woman would dominate her partner, but she would do it only to humor him, not because she enjoyed doing it.
That might have been true in those days, but I think things have changed. I doubt whether many women are into the more extreme forms of domination, but more and more women seem to be happy with the idea of loving domination. They might initially get into it at the request of their partner, but they soon acquire a taste for it, like you say. This is what happened with my girlfriend and me. Some things she has done since I first suggested femdom to her are clearly not simply an attempt to humor me, for example, frequently swatting my bottom in front of other women or telling me in public with other people within earshot that she is going to put me across her knee when we get home.
I think you are also right when you say that submissive men should not simply think of their own needs. Being submissive is not just about kinky sex, it is also about doing a fair share of the housework, cooking and other chores. If you want, you can maybe bring kink into housework. One time I did the vacuum cleaning dressed in just my underpants, knowing that she would be checking how thorough I had been. The paddle was ready on the sideboard in case she was not satisfied with my work!
Stewart
> "That might have been true in those days".
ReplyDeleteNo, it is not. I read the thoughts of the dominant women many years ago, and they wrote that they like it. Why think that this is not so?
Even thousands of years ago, they were. The ancient author of Plutarch wrote the following: "... women adopted a noble way of thinking, knowing that they were also able to partake in valor and honor. That is why words and thoughts came to them similar to those that were uttered, they say, once Gorgo, wife of Leonid. Some woman, apparently , a stranger, said to her: “Only you, laconic women, rule over husbands.” “Yes, but we alone give birth to husbands,” Gorgo replied.”"
And another quote: “..Theirs self-will and power is a result of frequent campaigns during which husbands were forced to leave them full mistresses in the house, and therefore paid them more respect than they should, and even called them “mistresses”."
So, Spartan women were quite dominant, weren't they?
Thank you for checking in - you’re the lady we all wish we knew personally. Miss you when you’re gone!
ReplyDeleteMs Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI was excited yesterday when I came and saw you had written something. This thing with you not wanting to write makes me wonder how you feel when you do write or what you think is "expected" from your entries in the blog.
You know what? ANYTHING you write "goes"! There's NOTHING you can say about Femdom that is wrong, unimportant or anything that would render it a bad entry blog. Just say anything. You can tell us what you think about anything. Hell, you can even just tell us you think boys are sexy when carrying diaper bags or that tasting Femdom is like tasting oysters. You can make jokes about it or be dead serious, it doesn't make a difference to the fact that it's fine.
I wished you felt this way, because I think you'd write more. Just let loose!
Why don't you invite Ms. Becky to write? She is a fabulous Woman who we all admire and we would love to hear Her voice and take on Femdom. There is also Tara and company.
Anyway... I really do hope, for the good of Femdom worldwide, of this whole lifestyle and all the intimacy it can bring, that you allow the blog to continue existing. You say you read all our emails or try. I don't know if you do but it's fine if you don't, but please allow this one in a billion blog not to die.
Alex
It's remarkable how many men openly say they need their wives permission to buy something or do something while the wives are always buying all the clothes and cosmetics they want without ever asking permission. This is just as true with relatively masculine boomers as it is with new age men. One of society's biggest elephants in the room seems to be how women actually run households. Perhaps it has something to do with how in most states she can "divorce rape" him whenever she feels like it. If, in that case, he doesn't pay, there is no way to weasel out of it, fellow men in the police force will haul you to jail. Effectively, the government is mandating that every husband to be an indentured servant to their wife forever. Of course, to avoid the terrible scenario of her leaving, you, as a husband, have got to please your wife and suck up to her at every opportunity, figuratively and literally, your face being in her crotch. It might take a while, but if you are like me, you come to secretly admire the feminists for being able to pull this trick off and to enjoy being at the mercy of your wife.
ReplyDeleteJoel
The question of how to explain ourselves to our daughters as they get into preteen years is starting to become important. Some of the things we do just seem "normal" to them, since they've never seen anything else. But as they get older, there will be more competition from other media showing different understandings of gender roles. We also live in an area of the country where doing anything nontradition is still potentially a scandal, and I'm concerned that as teenagers, they may begin to find us embarrassingly abnormal. Right now I think it's more important to them to see how we love one another, and hopefully that will still be impressed on them as they start to understand that we're an unusual family in some ways that shouldn't be talked about too freely with extended family or people at church.
ReplyDeleteMy wife already talks about "passing on" knowledge of how to be a loving authority to a husband, and I imagine there will be some conversations happening behind my back that I won't even know about.
Kethy, I want to echo the 'ANYTHING you write "goes"' comment, and add that even when we don't respond, we treasure hearing your voice. Authenticity is delightful every time, and I very much appreciate the effort you make to share.
ReplyDeleteDear Kathy,
ReplyDeleteIn addition to Alex and your last post I would like to add that I think a lot of women who are in doubt could learn so much of you. I agree completely with your last post and I cant remeber a post I didnot agree with and think a lot of women could learn from you on how to channel their leading capacities in life and how to channel their dominance over men and last but not least, how to channel their dominance over their partners/husbands.
For a lot of women it may be strange that Becky commands her father, but when you know John is a sub in a caring loving female led relationship its only natural that he is also submissive to his loving caring daughter.
I think if women know how the submissive mind of men works it will be much more easy for them to take the leading role in their relationship.
And I agree with Alex and think that you and Becky are perfect rolemodels, its realy not about the kinky stuff but just about you and Becky leading your men.
Well I hope it will take some "pressure" of your back and motivates you and Becky to keep writing and enjoy your writing.
Love Tiptease
"Some of the things we do just seem "normal" to them, since they've never seen anything else." An interesting comment, evanho. My mother wore the pants in our family, so it always seemed normal to me that males should obey and should do at some of the household chores. As I grew older, I noticed that some males regarded themselves as superior to women, but I found this attitude very strange. Claiming that women were inferior made about as much sense to me as claiming that fire is cold or that water is dry. As far as I know, my mother didn't spank my father, but when I later came across accounts of women spanking their husband, I found the idea completely natural.
ReplyDeleteStewart
Some of the things we do just seem "normal" to them, since they've never seen anything else. An interesting comment, evanho. My mother wore the pants in our family, and I found the idea that males should obey and do at least some of the household chores completely normal. As I grew older, I noticed that some males seemed to regard women as inferior. This made about as much sense to me as saying that fire is cold or water is dry. As far as I know, my mother did not spank my father, but when I later read accounts of women spanking their husband it seemed to me entirely appropriate.
ReplyDeleteStewart
The girl I was dating tended towards being in charge, okay with me. Not being in charge meaning I was her slave but running a household and insuring the marriage stayed strong. We talked alot about our needs indivdually and what we were looking for. Our sex life was great, and so knew that was not a problem. Six months into our relationship she shocked me and said i was holding something back. I said nothing at first and she got a very stern look on her face, she said I must come out with it or this relationship will not work. I was staying at her place for a couple of weeks, my apartment was getting updated. I finally said you would not wish to see me anymore and the reason I did not want to mention it. Your running out of time she said, I then undid my belt and dropped my pants and then pulled down my underpants and said I wish to be spanked. She said nothing, looked at me, and smiled. Take them off she said as she stood up. A spanking, is that all, well you made it easy for me, since I had decided that I would be given you a spanking when needed. Stepping out of my pants and underpants I stood there and said nothing. She went to the bedroom, and returned with her hairbrush. Oh I did get a spanking, a very sound spanking, and we did get married. Spankings continue, and on a couple of occassions while being spanked her mother, my mother-in-law dropped in. She enjoyed the show, and facing the wall the two would talk. Our marriage is strong.
ReplyDeleteI've been in a FLR with my Mistress for just about 15 months now. We met online on CS and moved in together within two months of dating. After a lifetime of vanilla relationships, I couldn't be happier. My Mistress/Girlfriend has four grown children who are either married or living on their own. While we were first getting to know each other, she told me that she was out (as a Domme) to her oldest daughter who is in her early 30's and her daughter confessed of also being interested in the FemDom world. Like most men, if they're honest, I was definitely intrigued and aroused. My Mistress and I discussed how we should deal with my identity or role to her daughter when she would introduce me to her. Was I her "boyfriend". sub, slave? Well, the horny side of me said, "introduce me as your slave". She took me up on that.
ReplyDeleteThe night her daughter came over to meet me, I was to cook dinner wearing somewhat fem and slutty clothing so that it was clear to her daughter that I was wearing panties underneath. My Mistress said, "This is X, he is my slave". Her daughter smiled and said "good for you" to her mother and the evening went well. That was about a year ago and since that time, I am always required to wear panties around the house, especially if this particular daughter comes over for a visit. I am to listen to her and obey her commands as if she is my Mistress. I'd be lying if I did not say I loved it. We do not have a sexual relationship, but her daughter sees me and treats me as a slave and I am entitled to no privacy in her presence. My Mistress told me that her daughter has always been naturally dominant around men, just like her mother. So, maybe this trait runs in the family.
I sent the same comment, with slightly different wording, twice. The first time I sent it, I didn't realise it had been published, so I typed it again with the same wording, as close as I could remember. I am a silly boy!
ReplyDeleteStewart
Yes Stewart you are a silly boy. But you know what, silly boys have always made me smile.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Mistress