As I am writing the words for this posting John is in Command Position in front of me.
A few minutes ago John delivered my first cup of coffee of the morning. Yes, his little curtsy was both polite and respectful as it should be, but it was also very sweet. Being a mistress wife is not about forcing a man to do things he doesn't want to do. It is about giving him the freedom and discipline to be the person he wants to be. As a woman I am fortunate to have such a sweet loving man as my husband. What doesn't always come out correctly in the blog is that he takes pleasure in serving me. John sees himself as a slave, my slave, and he loves the feeling of belonging to me.
What took me a long time to understand is that John has a natural need for female authority in his life. Thirty years ago I would never have thought that a grown man would have a need for female authority. The studio experience taught me that male need for feminine control is much more common than anyone would suspect. It is not universal, but it is real. As a society that is supposed to be liberally educated it is something that we seem to turn a blind eye to.
Training John to respond to the snap of my fingers by dropping into Command Position is a part of our family discipline program. A person not fariliar with submissv men who has not been initiated into the ways of the male personality might wonder how could a woman train a man in this fashion. Surely, the person would say that a healthy intelligent man in today's society could never be trained to perform this humiliating action. Yet, here is my husband who as an educated engineer with leadership experience desires nothing more than being the living chattel of a wife who takes total charge of him. The locked collar John wears around his neck is a pleasing reminder that he belongs to me. And yes, the collar is a pleasing reminder to both of us. John once told me that he feels naked without his collar.
The exercise this morning is part John's program of discipline. It is not punishment. As I hit the keys on the computer I glance at John to confirm his body remains perfectly still as is expected of him. As his wife I love him. As his mistress I take pride in fact that he is obedient and under my control. By this time my coffee is becoming colder. It is time to give him the command to 'kneel up' so that we can talk about the activities of the morning. There will be some chores. The house needs to be made ready for Christmas. Carol, our neighbor, has also asked if John might help her husband with moving some furniture. Yes, of course, I replied, what time would you like me to send him over I asked.
It may sound simple, but learning to 'direct' instead of 'asking' is kind of a challenge for most women.
Tara taught me that the simplest commands are often the best. John is now kneeling up. My touch on the cup's edge is my way of directing him for a refill. 'Yes Mistress' is his reply as he rises. In the kneeling up position he is allowed to speak without permission. A man who takes pride in his service is a treasure. My job is less about punishment than it is about giving John the structure he needs to be a contented submissive man living under the authority of his wife.
So tell me how many of you 'get' this posting? How many of you understand the feeling of wearing a collar? In many femdom families the function of the collar has been replaced by a chastity device.
And though John has never had the experience of being locked, an appliance would make an excellent Christmas gift. He is hopeful. How many of you are hoping to be locked for Christmas?
Love you for reading.
Kathy
.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
Dear Mistress Kathy,
*curtsey*
I am always wary of commenting about sexual matters on your blog Mistress Cathy, but your final sentence appears to give us permission to do just that! So here goes. As you approach middle age there is little doubt that for many, the sexual harmony that couples once had diverges. Women's priorities change while men are still driven by their basic instincts. In the past either women acquiesced or men just went outside the home for gratification. In modern times women are less prepared to put up with such behaviour and this sexual discord is perhaps why there is so much divorce and conflict today. Chastity and female led marriages really are an answer to this discord as my marriage will testify.
I have never been an aggressive lover. I'm quite small down there and never last very long but I still have a sexual drive like most men. My focus has always been on my oral skills to make up for my lack of skill in the traditional sense and this led us on the path to chastity. My wife gets to control the sexual dynamics of the relationship on her terms and my urges are channelled in a positive way that helps the relationship between the two of us.
At first sight it may seem that my wife is being cruel to me. I am rarely permitted more than one orgasm a month and we only have traditional penetrative sex twice or three times a year and there is no guarantee that I will be allowed an orgasm. As with all my orgasms, my wife counts me down from five when she decides that I have had enough. Very rarely do I get an orgasm when she has one. I now get much more pleasure out of being part of her orgasms than from my own. But I can assure you it isn't cruel. We couldn't be more in love. Six years ago we bought a CB6000s chastity cage. She uses it occasionally to control my urges and to bring my behaviour back under control when it slips, but this year my Christmas present will be a Holy Trainer. The idea is that it is time for me to move on to long term wear, something that we are both comfortable with.
We are actually a very normal couple. Chastity is just something that helps keep the balance between us. It lets her control the dynamics which suits us both just fine.
I'm very interested to hear how it works for other couples and if there are any others like us.
Thank you Mistress Cathy for your Blog.
*curtsey*
SJ
Kathy - what a lovely post. You write in such a beautiful, loving, and down to earth manner. If I would have read your post 10 years ago I would have said "no way." However, now that my husband and I have been in a wife led marriage for several years, I know that everything you say is absolutely true. I truly believe now that for many men, their happiness is conditioned on them become slaves to their wives or the woman in their lives. As you say they desire in the deepest parts of their hearts to serve us and to be owned by us. All we have to do is accept their submission. It's not always easy as I can tell you from experience. But I want to make my husband happy, so if it takes making him my slave I will (I have). I can tell you we both are the happiest we have been in a long long time - madly in love.
I intend to pick up on your idea tonight - After my husband makes and serves me dinner, I am going to have him get into command position beside me while I eat. (I may even scratch him behind his ear and tell him what a good boy he has been -- we'll both love it).
Thank you again and again for introducing and helping educate so many couples about the joys of femdom marriages.
Diane
Yes Kathy,
We desire nothing more than to be under the complete control of woman. Our only purpose is to serve and obey the voice of woman. Surrender to woman gives us the peace and bliss that nothing in this world can give.
Your control is the most beautiful and priceless thing you could every give to your husband. We crave it, we need it, we hunger for it.
I would do anything, give everything to have the life of your husband. Woman are goddesses. Woman is religion. Woman is our law.
Kathy:
I am so glad you decided to write about this subject. Much of it resonates so strongly with me, and parallels my own conclusions and perspectives of a Femdom marriage or relationship.
In particular I found the following to ring so true to me. In my humble opinion for a lifestyle 24/7 Femdom relationship to thrive, these are some of the important elements that truly need to be understood and appreciated by both parties.
“Being a mistress wife is not about forcing a man to do things he doesn't want to do. It is about giving him the freedom and discipline to be the person he wants to be. What doesn't always come out correctly in the blog is that he takes pleasure in serving me. John sees himself as a slave, my slave, and he loves the feeling of belonging to me.”
“What took me a long time to understand is that John has a natural need for female authority in his life………The studio experience taught me that male need for feminine control is much more common than anyone would suspect. It is not universal, but it is real.
As important as these points are to aid in understanding a Femdom relationship, one rarely sees these subjects in print. Rarely do I read of a man’s joy and pleasure in submitting to his wife or partner, as told from his perspective. I think many believe that a Femdom Relationship is all about sex…rather than a much more complex desire and need on the part of the man to show his love in this way.
For me, there is something about that feeling of being “owned”. I can’t explain in words but I do feel more loved, needed, and cared for; and there is a sense of security that someone else in my life is looking out for me and helping me to have a fulfilling life as I wish to be.….
Being “formally” responsible and accountable on a daily basis to my wife makes me look forward to the start of each day. It motivates me and provides energy to our relationship...it gives purpose in my life on a truly intimate, non-material and loving level…creates a closeness, a bond .between us that penetrates far beyond a surface romance.
For me I do not believe that I have had to forego my masculinity when submitting to my wife….but I do believe it has allowed me to dispense with some of the exterior trappings of manhood….machismo, bravado, stoicism…which has allowed me to be more open, more vulnerable, and a more complete human being….now being able to enjoy life with some degree of emotion.
Kathy, as you and John have journeyed down this road together, and you have learned facets of the relationship as you describe here, do you also believe that a wide number of Women have a natural ability and desire to exert female authority over their male partners? Perhaps, it is hidden away because of societal norms.….but still do you believe it lies beneath the surface for many Women?
And yes, Kathy, I am hoping to be “locked” for Christmas. It is so wonderful to constantly be remineded of the fabulous Woman who owns me heart, body and soul.
Steve
Kathy,
I just want to agree with John's view about being naked without his collar. My collar is locked 24/7, - made of wire rope and black pvc covered it is completely waterproof and removed only if travelling through airport security. It has a discreet engraving either side of the hex screw reading "XXX's BOY" and it means more to me than even my wedding ring, - a true personal and irremovable part of belonging to my beautiful mistress wife.
GB
If an older middle aged man needs 'locking' to restrain his sexual urges he is indeed a fortunate submissive man.
Mistress Kathy,
Thank you for a very good series of posts. It seems every dominant wife has to find her own specific way of administering effective punishment to a submissive hubby. It seems to be a trial and error thing until she finds what works. That has been the case with my spouse, as well. Sometimes, it is a spanking, it escalates from there to extending my time in chastity for small infractions. If she is really upset, I usually get the silent treatment for a period of time. That is the worst punishment of all, to have her withdraw her affection and attention and just not talk. It really makes me feel bad that I have displeased her to that point. No matter how hard I try, nothing I can do or say will fix it, only time. It's awful!
I am glad you are considering a device for John. I have always been a proponent of how complimentary male chastity is with a femdom marriage. Yes, I will be locked for Christmas and probably New Years, too. My releases are allowed about once a month if I am good. Since I am in my sixties, that's probably best for me. Often it is extended if she feels it is warranted. In the aftermath of an orgasm, my recovery time is at least a week. During that time, my attentiveness and service suffers, no matter how hard I try. At our age, we do a lot of cuddling, kissing, and other intimate things which she loves. I love to see her satisfied even if I'm not. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I love the constant feeling of arousal and she loves arousing, then denying me.
If you are interested in dipping your toes in chastity, take a look at the A271 or A272 devices from the DHGate online site. They are excellent, well made, stainless steel devices at a very low price that will let you take a "test drive" with out breaking the bank. Do a little "due diligence" research on chastity and try to think about what you want to get out of chastity before you start. If John is wanting to experience it, you just have to find something in this for you. Wish both of you the best for this holiday season!!
Hi Kathy,
Yes, I am one of the many husbands who 'get' this beautiful posting. My wife is one who, as you say, has a challenge 'directing' me. However, we have discussed it at some length, and she is growing more comfortable expressing the authority she always had inside her.
It's a beautiful thing to watch her blossom as a dominant wife.
CK
Ms Kathy,
When You use the words cage and locked an image comes to my mind and it has nothing to do with chastity. I think Women should sometimes lock men in actual decoration cages in the living room, yes, that'd be gorgeous and is a fantasy I have. Is that OK?
I have to admit though, that there's one little thing in common with chastity devices and the cages I'm talking about. And it's that they allow the Woman, the stronger sex, to pursue some other males while her own is locked - in any of these cages, the big cage or the chastity device.
Alex
Hi Kathy my wife has just discovered the effects of enforced chastity and although I can’t say I’m loving it I admit that my behaviour has been much better. My Mistress wife has bought a cage for me and so far has been sparing in its use. When I do have to wear it I can feel it’s weight on my genitals which is a constant reminder of my amazing Wife. Thanks. D&S nz
Kathy, this statement in your post stood out to me "My job is less about punishment than it is about giving John the structure he needs to be a contented submissive man living under the authority of his wife." This is so insightful and a great perspective on a wife led marriage. Thanks for sharing. It's interesting that you mentioned chastity. I've never used a device with my hubby but am thinking about it.
Interesting how, as a husband, femdom makes me see things from the perspective of a dog in showing unconditional, unquestioning love and loyalty to the mistress wife. Even my wife refers to me as "her puppy" and compliments me on my canine characteristics.
Joel
Mistress Kathy,
Excellent series of articles... I proposed male chastity/flr/dd to my wife over a year and a half ago. We had been struggling for years with intimacy after several bouts of cancer treatments my wife had to undergo left her with no drive.
I helped her all the time, remained faithful and masturbated to replace what was once an amazing sex life. When I discovered male chastity I saw a way to get each other involved with very little pressure on her. It took a few months to get the nerve up to ask, but once presented with some very good material and talking together she said yes.
I have been locked 24/7 since except to clean or when she allows me out. I do about 90% of housework. Am kept in panties (that came a few months in. Her idea). Do dishes, cook, laundry. Her coffee is ready at her night stand in the morning. I do this out of the love I have for her growing in this together and communicating. She is massaged almost nightly.
She has me pleasure her when needed and sometimes keeps me orgasm free for up to 4 weeks. I am edged on a regular basis. Sometimes I am made to edge myself while she watches a show. I thank her every time she allows me to gaze on her beautiful body.
As much as she has grown to love this lifestyle and her position of power she has also come in to her own on understanding the importance of good, firm paddling to keep her man in in the right frame of mind. My punishments are regular and she does not deliver love taps. It is pretty much a given that some specs of blood will show up. She cares!! She knows it is also something deep in me that craves the discipline and direction serving my keyholder fulfills. A caged sub hubby is a happy one for sure.
This last comment writer and his wife, have what I envision the perfect flr and for all the right reasons. You are lucky dear sir. That she has taken to and expanded on the mistress part and allows you to serve her is the best.
Merry Christmas Miss Kathy and to Becky, her husband and of course to John.
richard s.
Post a Comment