Punishment...

O'gosh, once again the comments are predicating the direction of the blog. And, for me at least that is a good thing. As any one else, besides Joel, had the though that feminism is kind of a dog whistle for female supremacy? 

In response to yesterday's posting Becky gave me a call. 'You know mom, when the guys hear the tap of her heels they immediately get back to working'. In that instance Becky was talking about David's female supervisor. Just like every office people have a tendency to talk, waste time, or play on the computer, but it is all business when they hear the sound of the lady boss coming their way. Becky went on to say that in retrospect the situation in David' s office is not really bad. He had a very good review with a decent pay raise. 'She' also told David that he had a good future with the company. 

'She' was very pleased with David in that he did not show resentment to her promotion. In 'her' view it was still difficult being a female supervisor in a department with men. 'She' also understood that David might have a difficult time working in her department. 

The other email was from a lady who has followed the blog for some time. This lady was commenting on Becky's situation. Yes, she said, feminism has a way of making certain things more difficult for us, but like the song says-look how much we're gained. We still look to our men to be protectors. Walking on a dark street I  clutch John's hand for security. He is my man- my rock when the world becomes a scary place. Thank you Alex for reminding me of this. And, perhaps one of the reasons femdom is not more socially acceptable is the idea that we still think of men as  protectors.

In the office David has learned to attach himself to the new boss. He sees her as a rising star in the company, and he hopes that she will bring him along with her. As time goes by we shell see what happens. It may be that David is one of several who are competing to be in her favor. What perhaps is different about the office situation is that David see the boss lady as his protector.

Since the topic of this series is punishment let me leave you with an idea. Working in the studio I learned a little about the topic from Tara.  She taught me that effective punishment  was about the entire experience. What I once told Becky is that it all starts with discipline. It is important for a man to understand the rules. It is equally important for him to understand that he will be held accountable for any infractions of the rules. In some femdom homes the women allow their husbands a voice in the making of the rules. In other homes the men are simply told. Either way a man needs to understand that the rules and protocols of the home apply to him. After giving David a rule or  protocol Becky will ask David if he understands. She may also have him repeat the direction back to her.

The next phase of punishment is related to the action actually being taken. In most situations the context in which action is taken is more important than the action itself.  In the studio Tara was a master at framing a punishment so that its effects would be magnified. Once I witnessed her giving a client a spanking. She had him naked bent over a bench in the most humiliating position imaginable. She knew he was divorced with an adult daughter. 'What would you daughter think if she saw you like this', she would ask him. With a few simple words she was able to change the context in which the punishment was given. She understood how to make the pain of the humiliation real for this man. She might even threaten to find the daughter or the wife and send them a picture of him in a tutu. She, of course, would never do it, but it made the studio experience more real.

As wives who sometimes punish their men we have a tendency to forget about after care. What we forget is that being punished by a wife is a deeply emotional experience for most men. In a sense punishment strips a man of the emotional attachment to the male ego. It more or less frees his psychic from many aspects of male toxicity. This freeing of the psychic allows the adult man to become the loving, obedient husband that both he and the mistress want him to be. In talks with Becky I have always stressed the importance of after care. In many ways after care is the most important part of the punishment. It is often the part of the punishment that will stay with a man after the sting of the whip is forgotten.

And yes, before going away, I want to say that in a femdom marriage punishment is the duty of the wife. And, for those of you who missed the above statement I will say it once again. In a femdom marriage punishment, when necessary, is a duty of the wife. And there is one more yes. In marriages with older daughters, such as Richard's, it is the responsibility of the wife to educate.


Love you all for reading.


Kathy

Punishment..

While, thank all of your for the great comments.

Many of the best comments are those that force me to think about things. And lets face it, I don't have all  the answers. As an older woman I lived most of my life in a different age. It is the young women of today who are taking over. It is these women who ten or fifteen years from now will be running things.  From a societal  prospective these women will most likely be running their homes, their businesses, as well as their countries.

There are several really good questions for us to talk about. One of the most relevant questions came from Sara. In a world that is increasing female orientated what will be the role of men. Both my son-in law and my son work for large national companies. From both of them I hear much of the same refrain. They tell me that most of the promotions are going to the women. Yes, they say, men can be promoted, but in order to receive that promotion they must work harder and longer than the women. Wherever it is possible or convenient to promote a woman companies are doing so.

Earlier this year much of what we are talking about hit home for my son in law. With the idea of increasing sales the division of the company he works for was reorganized. A young woman was put in charge of the reformed division as his immediate supervisor. This would not have been an issue with him except for the fact that 'she' is newer with the company and appears to have less experience. 'Does it bother him', I asked Becky?

Becky's response was that he doesn't mind working for a woman, but he resents the fact that 'she' received the promotion. From what I gathered they were both contenders for the job. Becky tells me that 'she' has been with the company less times, and has less product knowledge. The feeling from Becky was along the lines that her looks may have had something to do with the promotion.
According to David 'she' was also very good at making friends with the higher ups. In Becky's opinion the promotion had more to do with political correctness than anything else. In today's world it is becoming politically correct to extend a hand to any female with some leadership potential.

Of the two of them Becky was more upset than David. Up to a point promoting woman is fine she told me. However, when a company uses a gender version of affirmative action as part of their personnel policy it affects everyone in some ways. Becky reminded me how I was able to take several years off from work when the children were young. 'Mom, you know, I can't do that' she told me. 'My salary is not extra, it is what we live on', was her quote. David does more than Daddy did, but it would be nice to spend more time with the children while they are young. She would like to be there when they get off from school, and be the one to make their afternoons snacks. And, back then you had grandma there to help you, she reminded me. Now we live in different cities and you can't be there for me in the same way grandma was there for you.

The last part of Becky's comment had a bit of a sting to it. In today's world we all live in different places. I love the children, I love to visit with them. The fact is that living in different cities makes it impossible to be the same type of grandmother as my mother was to the children. In today's world we go to where the jobs are. It is my concern that one day Becky may need to accept a job in a city even further away than Atlanta. And, yes there are times when I would like to be the traditional grandmother who would always be available when a need arises.

Going fast forward a few months David is learning to adjust. He tells Becky there is a different culture in the office. People are expected to be there on time, and are expected to get their work done.
There is less playing around. There are no longer the dirty jokes. And, the women are treated with  more respect. Likewise, the new female manager treats him with a certain respect he didn't always receive from the former boss. She listens to what he has to say, and gives him credit for his ideas. According to David she is more of a team leader, and has made David feel like he is an important member of the team. In trying to define her version of leadership he uses the word colligative a great deal.

Even though he was passed over for promotion he now understands the why of it. She may have had less product knowledge than the men, but she has a different way of working. She gets things done her way. Her way is more of a feminine way, but it gets results David says. And guess what, David tells me that even the men are happier under her leadership. If she allowed him he would love to be the guy who gets her coffee in the morning or picks up her lunch, but that is not what 'she' is about. 'She' expects results. In her office, David says, there is no room for partonomy.

At this moment I have no real answer for Sara's question. Yet, I believe a part of the answer is that the men will learn to adjust and to fit into a world that is increasing run by women. It may take a generation or so but it will happen. It is happening as we talk. The other part of the social equation is that it means new roles for women. We are all in a time of rapid change.

Love you for reading.


Kathy

Punishment.

Thank all of you who took time to think about the topic and to post.

For the last week or so I have been away from the blog. The simple truth is that I am having difficulty thinking about it. Over the summer months  John and I detoxed from the internet. It was really a good feeling in a lot of ways. On our stays in campgrounds we had the opportunity to meet with people from all over. It was fun.

For those of you who are addicted to the internet and to blogs of any kind my advice is to remove your self from the computer. This advice is especially important for those of you who have a  mistress to serve. The computer is no substitute for real life. And for the ladies who read this blog, my advice it to get your guy off his computer. If there is nothing better to do send him to cooking school or to a sewing class.  (Or buy a pleated skirt and teach him to iron it).

The second part of the punishment series has been posted on the Thinktank blog. It is a well written post and it is my hope that each of you read it. Without going into detail there are two points that I would like to make. First, in a femdom marriage it is the wife's duty to punish. Second, as it says on the Think Tank posting, punishment can bring a couple closer together. It is difficult for women to understand, but men want to know that their wife-their mistress- will hold them accountable.  They want and they need the punishment. It is about who they are as people.  It is about their internal needs that make them who they are.

This morning John and I went to vote. We talked about the election and who was running for what. And yes, he voted the way I decided. As I read on the internet this election is really about the growth of female power in public life. Ten years ago I did not see this coming. It is my hope that all of you vote today. Whether you are republican, democrat, or independent it is my hope that you participate in the election process. And yes, vote for the candidate that your wife choses.

This past week we hosted a small meet and greet at our home. Only women were invited as either voters or as candidates. The idea was to talk about the issues that are important to women. The only male present was John who served wine and cheese to the ladies. It was something of a magic moment for him. As a submissive man charged with the responsibility of serving a group of women he was in his element. For me there was one embarrassing instance. Our neighbor asked John to bring her a glass of wine. He apparently answered with something like a 'yes mistress' remark. A little later Carol asked me about the comment. 'Why did John answer like that' she asked me. 'I can't imagine' I  responded.

Love  you all. Be good to yourselves, and especially to the lady in your life. If she allows you a privilege thank her. A privilege can be as simple as watching a ball game or as rewarding as kneeling in front of her. A privilege for my baby is being allowed to worship my feet which he does with intensity of  a while man.

Kathy