So many people read this blog, yet so few of you participate.
The primary reason for my long absence was the lack of participation. John is the one who gave me encouragement to come back to the blog. We talk about the comments. It is the reactions from you, the reader, that provides me the energy to continue with the blog.
Although many of you are still reading Key's book my reaction to the response this morning has been underwhelming. If Key's book was about spanking instead of a serious discussion on female led relationships there would have been a hundred comments. I am not saying spanking is wrong. I am saying that there is a place for serious discussions related to femdom and female led relationships that doesn't focus on BDSM aspects of it.
There are so many little things to talk about in the book. At the 11% mark Key talks about a strong feeling of connectedness in Female Led Relationships. Would you agree with this. At the 10 percent mark he talks about 'Her Way.' He says the husband abdicates controlling the narrative on how things are done and agrees to please his female leader. Not only accomplishing things, but accomplishing them in the fashion she desires. Would most of you agree with these statements. How does it work in your home?
And, another point that Key makes deserves real discussion. Tell me- do you think women are natural leaders? Is female judgment superior to males? Is it necessary for a wife's judgment to be superior to her husband for her to lead the relationship.
I am sorry to make this comment, but it is true. If you want an example of what happens in a female led relationship when a husband is not properly disciplined look at the I'm Hers blog. In my opinion female discipline is a necessity. Discipline is not the same as punishment, but a system of rules and protocols that provides men with a track to run on. And given that track men will run hard to please their female ruler.
Love, Kathy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
I suspect that most of your readers are single men for whom a book about couples is not at all relevant. If anything, such a book only reminds them of how miserable it is for them being single and submissive unable to find a dominant woman.
Kathy,
I've seen a spike in sales of the printed version of my book yesterday and today (thank you for drawing attention to my book!). But it takes 2 or 3 days for those books to arrive. Just putting it out that some of your commenters may want to respond but not have the book yet.
To you and your commenters, thank you for buying it. I hope it helps.
Key
Thank you both for commenting. Yes, baby, that it takes some time for a book to arrive, and even more time for it to be read. Yet, we have been talking about this for some time. And, what I am hoping is that people comment on parts of the book as they read through it. There are a number of provocative statements in it that might be fun and interesting to talk about.
As I recall you made the statement that most men are submissive to only one woman.
For the most part my husband is submissive to all womankind if there is such a word.
In a crowded parking lot he will always allow a female drive to take a contested parking spot. Last week we went to a restaurant in the quarter for lunch. There was a long narrow hallway leading to the restrooms. On the way two women walked out of the lady's room side by side. So as not to disturb their walking pattern John placed his back against the wall.
As they walked by he gave a slight bow to his head. They both said thank you. I laughed.
And for my little British sweetheart, I hope that your queen reads the blog. My guess though is that she doesn't tell you one way or the other. From watching the Crown on television my guess is that she is a very effective mistress for Philip. And, many of the readers of this blog are single. Yet, compared to 2007/08 when we started the blog, there is a much higher percentage of men living with a mistress wife now than there was then.
The young women of today know the full meaning of the mistress word.
Love and kisses to both of you,
Kathy
And, yes to my little sweetie from the
Kathy,
Great feedback and I expect some of what in my book would be quite provocative. The pledge seems to be one that gets some resistance, though from the couples that did something similar, it was one of their favorite things. Like goosebumps and flutters fun.
As for your husband he sounds like a proper gentleman. The single submission. I mean is giving over executive decisions and prioritizing your needs first.
Key
Kathy - my experience has been that establishing rules and protocols for the husband makes it easier for the wife to establish her dominance in the marriage. When we first began our journey into WLM I found it difficult to constantly give my husband commands and directives in order to demonstrate my leadership over him. And I would often flounder. But having protocols, such as having him greet me coming or going in command position did not require me to do anything. He knew what he was required to do. My job was to call him on it if he forgot and also to keep in position until I was ready to release him. These protocols allowed me to more easily establish, assert, and grow my dominance in our marriage.
Diane
Kathy,
I do admit that I am one of those who stops by regularly but has never commented. I link from the only blog of any type that I do leave comments on from time to time.
I very much enjoy your posts and am glad you are back. Though I am married and submissive we do not have an FLR. This is my wife’s choice. Actually my submissiveness is the thing she finds the least attractive about me. Because of these things I have not felt I had anything to contribute to a FLR blog.
But you did ask and I do have an opinion on one of your questions regarding the superiority of women. Are women naturally superior to men? No. They are human beings, with all of the same variations of personality and character as men. Can they be superior in a relationship with a man? Very definitely yes.
In my view the things that make a woman superior in a FLR are all directly related to the love in the relationship. A submissive man that is very much in love with a woman who is willing to meet his submissive needs because of her love for him will always elevate her to superior in his eyes.
It is her love, respect, compassion and concern for his well being that keep her there and the FLR working for both of them.
As I’ve said I am not in a FLR so my perspective is kind of the “Hallmark” version.
Not surprisingly it does depend entirely on the individuals in the relationship, just as in any relationship.
Tom
Hi there Kathy!
I just want to say that I'm a first time commenter on your blog! I've followed a number of female-led relationship blogs and sites, but it wasn't until later that I found your blog. I think it may have been that when I first started reading femdom blogs, your blog may have been on temporary hiatus.
Anyway, I am a married man in his 30's. My wife and I are not in a female-led marriage, but we incorporate a number of aspects of it into our lives. Our area is primarily sex and orgasm control, as this is an area I truly NEED her leadership in. She has been happy to oblige :) That said, she isn't the type to have much time for researching and reading up on lots of websites, so it's usually me that does it. That said, I enjoy your blog and hope to be able to dig into what you're getting at in some of your posts and so to comment more intelligently.
Thank you, keep it up!
The few times that I've left messages, they were never commented on.
I did read Barrett's book and I thought it didn't say much new and didn't say much to me. My wife has always refuses to read anything about a female led relationship. Perhaps the discussion you will lead will change my mind.
I doubt that you will choose to publish this note, but I wanted to be honest with you.
I have read your posts since you were originally commenting on someone's long closed blog. Thank you so much for all that you have posted.
I apologize Kathy for not yet commenting about points in Key's books. I did however mention portions of what I had been reading in a comment to a previous blog...i.e. why we need Female Authority and my belief that men need discipline and structure in their lives...As Key writes, men need problems to solve and things to fix to keep us happy and occupied.
Work of course accomplished quite a lot of that, but now retired, I find it absolutely necessary for the structure and daily "routine" to not go crazy.
And yes I do believe Women are the superior gender....Women possess more of the qualities that are most envied by society throughout the world. And this is not meant to denigrate men, but just my perspective...and from my life experiences I find Women to be better workers, more compassionate, competent, and capable then men in general.
And yes, I do believe that most Women are born natural leaders. One only has to look around them, at Women raising families, in the work place, and in schools and hospitals...and that natural leadership abounds....it is just not as bold and brassy as leadership from a man....it is deeper, more understanding and complete in my way of thinking and less confrontational.
I am not in a Femdom relationship...married 50 years and now 71....and the few times the wife has agreed to try it, for me I felt closer to her and I do believe our relationship was more passionate and loving than at anytime of our lives.
Like Key has written: my wife I believe is a natural born leader, she just does not wish the responsibilities....hence a mixed marriage....and of course her pleasure comes first.....as that is simply the way it should be in my heart and mind.
I apologize again Kathy for my delinquency in responding......and this is much shorter than I would like, as I am on my way out the door to volunteer.
I have many thoughts in my mind from the book and I promise to be more faithful in responding.
Steve
Kathy:
I am only 80 pages into Surrender, Submit, Serve Her, but much of what I have read resonates deeply within me. And I take comfort in reading this as well as your blog and a few other real life situations. It helps knowing that others are like me; adds to my self-appreciation and validation of the submissive man that I am. And that I am not alone nor some perverted old man!
Although I am in a “vanilla” marriage, the wife and I did try a FLR or Femdom lifestyle for about 6 months several years ago. These were some of the happiest moments of my life and yes I did feel closer and more passionate towards my Woman than at any time in our long marriage…Actually, the feelings were very similar to those when we were courting…never having her out of my mind…..always thinking of ways to please her…..longing for her touch and presence even we were only a part for a few hours.
For me my life as a man has been shaped by my role models when growing up. And those men never expressed any emotion. As men “we” are supposed to always be under control and level headed and allow our demeanor to be reassuring to our family, and others around us.
While living as my Wife’s submissive partner, I found that by giving up control, my emotions began to rise to the surface and see the light of day. And it allowed a feeling of love for my wife to come out that was pretty much all consuming at times. To kneel before her and express my love, respect and admiration….well my eyes would well up with tears as I realized how lucky I was to have this Woman love me as well. And honestly, the emotions continued on until this day….and I tear up at sad or sentimental moments in my life, or on TV or the movies, and often tear up when I look at my wife doing something as simple as hugging our grandkids.
Life is much different….honestly more fulfilling and enjoyable with emotions…and that experience…well I think it helped make me a more complete person…and I believe it did also for my wife…for a period she was joyful at her new found authority…watching whatever TV show she wanted…choosing the movies…what we ate…when and where….and freedom from the household chores.
And even though she walked away from the FLR relationship, I believe she is a more complete person as well; often voicing her desires and opinions with some confidence.
I still do so many little things for her….maybe you could call it understanding a little bit of femininity.
I clean her sink, vanity, and commode everyday…iron her clothes once out of the dryer….tidy up her lingerie drawer….put gas in her car…..and these days when we have physical intimacy it is all about her.
This may sound ridiculous, but these days when we are physically intimate I never give a thought to my own pleasure…..it is all about her pleasure. And there have been many times over the past few years when I have not “finished”, but simply glowed with a wonderful feeling seeing my Wife’s pleasure. At times, the feelings are so overwhelming, so fulfilling and joyful, that they far exceed any pleasure I ever felt from my own orgasm…..and the feeling lasts far longer.
Steve
Mistress Kathy,
I check your blog every day and look forward to each and every one of your postings. I finished Key's book earlier today and just read the latest posting of the I'm Hers blog. I suspect they need to go back to basics and this book would be helpful. His situation also highlights how difficult it is for a wife to become a mistress and maintain the leadership role. Women in our society are not brought up as leaders. We are fortunate that some do develop naturally but we need more. This situation is improving, thank goodness.
In our FLR, my spouse tells me what she desires and I do my best to do things the way she wants. Then she expects me to do them without being told again. I try to anticipate her wants and needs without smothering her. When she wants a change, she tells me. The submissive hub has to commit to doing things her way. If he constantly tries to undermine or second guess, it will erode her confidence, but worse than that, she will simply get fed up and do it herself. My spouse occasionally does this. I often wish she would be stricter and take me to task when I fall short, but by that point, she is mad and doesn't want to see or hear from me. She uses the chastity device pretty much full time now and it helps me to be more attentive and really complements my submissiveness. Without her saying, I know that my lack of effort will result in the device being on longer so it is definitely a motivator.
I don't necessarily think women are superior to men. However, they don't have huge egos and tend to find consensus and, given the facts, are excellent decision makers. Some men and women are born to be leaders and some aren't and I think they know who they are. We men should not expect our wives to become great leaders overnight. It requires our unwavering support to allow her to gain confidence as the Head of household. It takes time. Key's book will be an invaluable tool for young couples just starting out in an FLR. Please don't be discouraged as to the lack of comments. All of us enjoy you blog tremendously and it would be a tragedy if you stopped posting. I promise to try and comment constructively more often.
Mistress Kathy
The Mistress/Wife and i have followed your blog for years and hold you in the highest regard. It is this regard which caused us to buy and read Key Barrett’s book. Initially, my Mistress wanted us to read separately and then discuss it together. She has since changed her mind. Therefore, i have read the book and the Mistress/Wife has encouraged me to forward comments in hope of provoking blog discussion.
While the book is somewhat thought provoking and it is recommended by Mistress Kathy, there are two sections I wish to dismiss out of hand. The first dealing with Walt Disney and the second Silent Support. The stories Walt tells, Snow White, Cinderella, etc. are a version of ancient tales portraying the characteristics of archetypical figures; the conniving stepmother, the self-centered sisters,
the fading beauty of the aging queen. Anyway, long before Walt came along, the positive and negative traits of women were on public display. Think Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth or the Shrew who longed for taming. Why do these stories still hold interest for us? They interest us because they mean something to us. They touch us at a deep emotional level. Thus, we watch them over and over down through the generations and find reality in them
The second point deals with so called Silent Support. The author suggests a man can be submissive to his wife even though she has no interest. You can read any number of blog comments giving vivid examples of how this idea does not work. A submissive man who does not have a Mistress is frustrated, resentful and deeply unhappy. This need to submit is not going to simply go away. Rather, it is more likely the relationship will go away.
Ok, now that is out of the way, i would like to discuss leadership. Are there “natural leaders”. Sure, some people are born leaders just like some people have fast-twitch muscle fibers allowing them to run fast and some people are born with large hands allowing them to throw a football or play a piano. i do not believe this “natural leadership” is gender specific, nor do i believe it is useful. Leadership, to be useful, like athletic ability, must be practiced, learned, nurtured and developed. Oh, did i mention, it takes time and maturity for all this to occur.
Some women (and men) are not leaders or they do not wish to take on the burden of leadership. However, a woman cannot raise children, work at a job and keep the household functioning without some level of leadership skill. And, of course, there is LOVE. Love is a very strong motivator. People in love try extra hard to satisfy each other’s needs. They want to make their partners happy.
Kathy and John are the archetypes of FLR love. John had a need, he tried to satisfy it outside his marriage. Big time problems occurred. Kathy rose to the occasion, she took the lead, developed her skills and like Cinderella or Snow White, lived happily ever after. Mostly.
jj
JJ,
Excellent comments and feedback! One thing id like to clarify about 'silent support' is that I make two points about it in the beginning: talk to your wife if you believe she may want to be dominant. And sexondly you cannot trick a wife into being a leader.
The next line is "Now there is a way to become a better spouse to your wife... With establishing a female led househokd or manipulating her."
I didnt want this to come off as secret submission and im sorry of it sounded that way. Silent support is something any husband can do. I do a lot of it. Its more about being a proactive husband. And not seeking praise for your actions.
Thanks again for taking thr tine to read my book!
Key
So many typos.
That should be "withOUT establishing a female led household..."
Post a Comment