A Sense Of Fear...More About Tough Love

One of the things that I appreciate about the blog is the diversity of the comments. While it is true that a blog with a name like Femdom 101 will tend to attract submissive men, these men come with a range of ideas and feelings.

In my opinion femdom should never be about catering to a husbands every want. The wife should never become the psychological servant of her husband, but admittedly there is a danger of this happening. The simple truth is that most women agree to a femdom relationship at the request of their spouse. It is very seldom that a wife suggest to her husband that she should take the lead in their marriage. This so called lack of enthusiasm by the wife is what tends to complicate the entire concept. Is it the wife trying to please her husband by catering to his wants or is it the wife demanding servitude from her man.

One of the things I learned from Tara was the importance of understanding the male's need for female control in everyday life. By everyday life I mean not just play time on Saturday morning, but a relationship where by the wife is in control of her man. On a daily basis she decides his permissions, determines his duties, his rewards and when necessary his punishments. And, regarding punishment I did say when necessary rather than if necessary. In my view a wife's willingness to punish is an absolute preset condition for a true femdom marriage.

In earlier posting we talked about having John eat pages from his magazines. His stash of these  offensive magazines was almost a foot high. In my view these magazines were offensive to women.
The magazines typically showed attractive women in skimpy outfits with naked men graveling at their feet. Typically the women held a whip of some kind in her hand. The magazines displayed no emotion except male fear of the superior female. It was never explained why the physically stronger male yielded to her punishment, but he always did. It bothered me that John was attracted to this type of trash. Based on the prices displayed on the covers these magazines were certainly not cheap.

The fact that his stack of old magazines was so high was testimony to the idea that he was in some way addicted to them. Most of the old ones were not thrown away. Lusting over these magazines was a 'want' of his. Was I going to indulge this want? The answer was a resounding no, but I also needed to make a point. And, for both of our sakes I understood that the point needed to be made in a very strong way.

The first thing I did was have him remove the magazines from the garage and carry them into the house. I then had him place the magazines on the coffee table front and center of the couch where anyone visiting could see them. Yes, I told him that visitors to our home, both men and women, would see them and they would know that the magazines were his. 'Would you like that', I asked John. 'No mistress' was the fearful answer. 'Are you sure', I repeated. The idea that friends, neighbors, and family would see these magazines was most fearful to him. I remember pressing the question harder and harder. 'You have permission to speak, tell me why you don't want visitors to see them'.
At that point in the conversation John began to stutter and became very fearful. His fear of what I was going to do or say was genuine. The more fear he showed the more powerful I felt. For a few minutes  my attitude resembled the whip wheeling dominatrix in the magazines. And, maybe like the female character in the magazine, I took some  pleasure in his anxiety.

The idea that anyone visiting our home would see those magazines was extremely humiliating for John. 'What should we do with them', I asked John. 'Throw them in the trash' he responded.
But honey, 'you spent so much money on these magazines. It would be ashamed to just throw them away', I replied. Of course, I wanted them out of the house almost as much as John did, but it was also necessary to drive home the concept of who was in charge.

From the large stash I pulled out two or three of the magazines. 'Go through the magazine with me' I told him. 'Tell me what you like about the pictures'. As we went thorough the first magazine I again asked him what he would like to do with it. 'Throw it in the trash' was his reply. 'Well, I guess we can do that' I told John.  I said it in the same teasingly manner as the way we talked in the studio. I then told him that it might be well for him to make double sure he wants to throw the magazines away. The conversation brought out much of his guilt to the surface. He was in what I would call mental agony. 'Lets make sure those dirty magazines don't leave a bad taste in you mouth', I said. 'Just so you are not tempted to buy more of them', I added.

 It was at that point I had him tear off the first page of one of the magazines, rip it into small pieces and eat it piece by piece. Page by page I had him tear off and rip up the remainder of the magazine before throwing it into the trash. Everyday we went through the same process until the stack was gone. There are readers who will suggest this was cruel as it was a most unpleasant experience for him. What I have learned is that there are times when a mistress wife must give her man unpleasant experiences. It may be eating the pages from a magazine, missing a sports match on television, or a painful spanking with a hard bristled hair brush. Even Becky, who still is new to the role of  mistress understands the importance of punishment in her marriage. Of even more significance she has learned the enormous power a woman has over a man-a man who may physically stronger but mentally under her control.

In those early days of femdom it was important for John to know that I still loved him. It was important for him to understand that my love for him was the primary reason for becoming his mistress. Yet, he also needed to understand that my control of his life was real and a permanent fixture in our marriage. In the beginning our life mirrored much of what happened in the studio. Back then I was more of a mistress than a wife. Over time, years, I learned to find a more workable balance between the competing roles of mistress and wife. Depending on John's attitude one side or the other of my personality would come to life on any given day. On a day to day basis it became John's job to please me. To do as much as possible to keep the sweet side of my personality in front of him.

Concluding a discussion with Becky she said 'I suppose that is what they mean by the term slave husband'. I thought a second and responded 'yes, I suppose it is'.


Love you for reading, love you for sharing.


Kathy