Growing up in a Catholic city I attended the nun's school as a child. We had all of the usual classes, but everything was infused with a sense of religion. One of the lessons we learned was that a fear of God was a good thing. Yes, of course, we should always strive to do the right thing for no other reason than it was what good Christian girls did. Yet, in the background was this thing about a fear of God and his retribution if we failed to honor his rules. On Sunday mornings it was often this fear of God that gave me the inner courage to wake up early for mass. If it were not for fear of God there would have been many more Sunday mornings in which I would have elected to remain in bed.
It is now close to noon and john is finishing up his Friday chores. What I suspect is that John feels the same way about his chores as I did about missing Sunday mass. He wants to do what is expected of him because that is what good submissive husbands do. But also there is this fear of punishment. He may not be spanked, but John understands that his punishment for not doing chores will be very real. Fear of a mistress wife is a far cry from fear of God, but a mistress's punishment for disobedience will come much quicker.
The point of this posting is that a little fear of a wife is a good thing. David asked Becky to become his mistress. He understands that obeying her is the right thing to do, yet there are times when it is difficult. The natural fear a man has for violating his wife's commands is real. The bristled hairbrush on the nightstand serves as a reminder of his obligations. And,it serves as a symbolic reminder of his wife's authority. David, like John gave up his freedom when he asked Becky to become her submissive, and take charge of his life. The day she agreed to become his mistress she assumed an obligation to develop David into a better version of himself.
As Christian wives we have responsibilities to both our husbands and children. We do not believe in divorce. We believe it is out duty to understand our men and to the best of our ability structure an environment in which they can excel. For some of us this means becoming mistresses to our men. By doing so we create a structure in which they can be better husbands and better fathers.
It is not that we are better than our guys, or that we have a natural right to rule them. It is because as wives we have an obligation to develop their inner self in a way that only a wife can do. Yes, of course, Becky understood that becoming a mistress to her husband was a duty for her. It was never something she wanted or asked for, but it was there. It was thrust upon her by a loving husband who realized that he needed female authority in his life.
Love you for reading, love you even more for sharing,
Kathy
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16 comments:
GREAT post! You hit it right on the head. As a Catholic man I understand what you're saying.
Thank you for posting.
Kathy I would so love be to meet other submissive husbands over a quiet contemplative beer to discuss this. What I fear maybe different from other men but we would all learn. In order I fear letting my Mistress down her anger at me then the cane or worse her wooden cooking spoon thingy. She is a gentle loving soul but what a swing.
SteveNZ
Dear Kathy,
I stumbled upon your blog recently. I can relate to your writing because it mirrors my life style. Most blogs on female dominated relationships tend to focus almost entirely upon sex. FLR in real life is something quite different.
I married my husband, two years elder to me hen we were both preparing to become chartered accountants, like CPA in the US. We were both employed in his Dads firm. I managed to clear the exam and became a qualified accountant. My husband, despite several attempts never passed his exams. This is quite common in India.
As a qualified accountant, I moved up in our family owned accounting firm, while my husband was stuck as a clerk. My husband who was by nature a mild and soft person became more reserved and less confident. I had a room in the office where I would meet clients while he sat outside with the junior staff.
My father in law died when I was 28 and as the qualified accountant I took over the position of Managing Partner/Director. As I grew my husband seemed to shrink and increasingly become more subservient and submissive, deferring to me on all matters. I realized that if our marriage was tocsucceed I had to literally take the reins and provide structure and order in my husband's life.
When our house maid quit suddenly, I delegated almost all houseworkto him. He would do the household chores and come later to office with my lunch. In the evening's he would leave early to prepare evening dinner. As the boss I used the big limousine with a driver while he drove a small sedan. Even at office he had to take my secretary's permission to enter my room as I was often engrossed in meetings or important work. Everyone in our office knew who wore the pants in our family.
Even after we employed a full time maid at home, I made my husband personally responsible for certain chores. He would hand wash my lingerie, iron my clothes, clean and polish my shoes. Making our bed and cleaning our bathroom and toilet was his duty. The house maid did all other work. It was amusing to see him standing besides her as they hung the clothes to dry, with her watching as he put my bra and panties on the clothes wire. He had his own mop, broom and toilet brush to clean my toilet.
On week ends especially Sunday, the maidsoff day, he wakes me up with bed coffee, and brings me the paper to read even as he buddies himself on breakfast and chores. Sunday is when I normally inspect the house especially our bedroom, toilet etc and if I see any areas that are not clean, I administer a severe spanking. I never spank for fun, only for correction and any sign of indiscipline.
My husband, I believe is truly happy in our life. Although we do not broadcast our life style, close relatives and of ice colleagues know that my husband is my submissive. They have often seen me summoning or instructing him with my hand or fingers and seen how he always waits for my instructions or directions for every act.
We do have sex and tender moments when I ask him if he is happy with me. He always says that he looks up to me and feels more confident to do what I tell him than make his own decisions.in fact he even agrees that I should continue to enforce order and discipline in his life as otherwise he will feel lost.
I am aware that in our life, I have to take the lead and this involves responsibility and included the need to sometimes do what I feel is right, even though it may be socially unorthodox. I do not enjoy spanking or punishing my husband, but will not shirk it as he ends to understand his shortcomings or lapses. After every punishment session, he is usually in tears abut ends up nursing at my breast like a baby till he calms down and ends up thanking me.
Devi
Ms Kathy,
This is one of the deepest, most gorgeous posts you have ever written.
Alex
Wow! Something quite traumatic must have happened to you as a child to be sucha sadistic person. Do you truly understand that you gain sexual satisfaction from HURTING another human being. Do you like watching movies in which the characters are torture and hurt? Boy you must have loved the torture scenes in "The Punisher" When you were little did you hurt others on the playground? Did you trip them or shove them and then laugh as they fell and hurt themselves? You were the bully on the playground, weren't you. Tormenting those you thought were inferior to you. . do you verbally abuse, let's say, the checkout person at WalMart? Tell them what a terrible job they are doing. Laugh at them for being unable to hold a more prestigious job.. I would image people like Harvey Weinstein are your heroes. you must love the way they use their power and social standing to hurt and humiliate others. It has always amazed me that you and your kind take such delight and pride in your sadism, like its something to be proud of. You must have got a big laugh when Trump humiliated the physically challenged reported on national television. I bet you got real wet watching that. Such a sad and pitiful way to lead your life.. Getting off and deriving pleasure from HURTING others and then rationalizing it by saying "They wanted it. They asked for it" No wonder our society has such a problem with sexual assault and harassment. You and your kind have made it cool, and acceptable to be cruel and hurtful. Congratulations.
Wayne
Good Morning Kathy.
A “ sense of fear “ “duty” and “obligation” are all terms that focus on the responsibility a wife endures when becoming a mistress in a FLR. In a sense it would seem that “ the good catholic girl “notion is still in full effect because ultimately you and Becky are preserving your marriage by fulfilling your husbands desires.
In contrast, I challenge and encourage my wife to embrace her passions and enjoy life to the fullest. She is very slowly becoming more independent and shedding her traditional catholic role as a wife. She is becoming more comfortable in allowing me to help around the house and is actually taking more time to enjoy activities outside the home . The focus is slowing shifting from the traditional 50/50 to a lifestyle to one more centered around her happiness.
Now I love reading your Blog and Mz Kaylee’s as well. I am certainly envious of the life that each of your husbands live…… but I think we lose the beauty and the very purpose of the lifestyle when it becomes a wife's responsibility to fulfill her husbands desires. For example, my wife is not comfortable in a position of authority and chooses to enjoy my acts of service as gifts. I would much rather she be more demanding and dominant but that is my desire and not hers. I am finding more and more that my submission to her is less about my desires and more about the way she chooses to enjoy my love and service. Although it is quite frustrating at times it would seem that my wish is coming true. We are living life in the manor she chooses rather than a life that fulfills my ideas of what a FLR should look like.
Now, please understand it is not my intent to be critical of the way you present a FLR. You and your blog are incredible. You are great advocate for this lifestyle and have led the way in many respects. However, I do think it is very important that women reading this blog understand a man's submission to his wife can truly be a wonderful gift and a powerful expression of love. The lifestyle may add some responsibility to the wife but it can also empower her to live the life of her dreams. The key is indulgence , let him worry with the responsibilities !
Take care…. John
Wayne I think you have your head in your ass. Most of these femdom marriages are consensual and that the men need this. My wife took a long time to get to the point that she would punish me and realized that I needed it and enjoyed it. To say that this wonderful woman is a sadist is beyond comprehension. If you don't know what you are talking about then go somewhere else and comment. By the way what are you doing going to femdom sites anyway. Just your way of being hurtful and condescending to people that have come to enjoy their lifestyle. Get a Life. Steve
Mistress Kathy,
I have found myself thinking a lot this afternoon.How would I react to a woman's discipline? I know that in the past when I have been disciplined it has elicited a lot of different emotions. I was first shocked like really did she just say what I thought she did? Which was immediately followed by disappointment of how I have let her down by not meeting her standards. Women have an unique ability to discipline while remaining a sense of softness. I know this have often come up on this site that a woman does not want to be seen as a “B” but that is the beautiful thing about a woman she can be firm yet soft. When she is confident in what she believes their is a presence that is impossible to explain. My next emotion was embarrassment that has a grown man I was being disciplined like I was a child. This is where I got stuck with my thoughts. What does this mean disciplined like I was a child. This is just another stereotype that really shouldn't exist. Why do we believe that as we get older we should face less discipline when the world shows us the exact opposite. We have prisons, receive tickets, get warnings and write ups at work, even sometimes have to pay fines for late bills. Discipline techniques exist around us all everyday but we just accept them as normal. Why should I not except disciplin from the person who loves me most? The person that wants the best for me! The person who KNOWS the best for me! The fact is I know I wouldn't rebel because I know how I need it to be a better person. However I know that each time I go through a process of emotions which is ended with me feeling a very strong emotion of being close to her. This emotion last for a couple of weeks and keeps me wanting to constantly please her and be better. Mistress Kathy I want to thank you and Mistress Becky for showing me that my emotions are acceptable and ok. I hope Mistress Kathy that this post pleases you.
Ur Bobo
Kathy,
You mention many things in the past few posts that are genuinely scary and now you talk about fear. I love how open your blog is about these things, by the way.
I wanted to ask you about the difference between healthy fear and unhealthy fear. You say men shouldn't have bank accounts, for example. It sounds to me like a fun thing, but then again what is to keep men from being abused or even robbed by women who are less good than you and can really make their lives miserable? How is having men financially strapped a safe thing? Or, is it not important to keep men safe?
I agree with you that in a healthy Femdom relationship men should have some trepidation, as you have called it before, of the women who own them. They should have some healthy fear, and you articulated it beautifully in this post. You elegantly spelled it out when you said "He wants to do what is expected of him because that is what good submissive husbands do. But also there is this fear of punishment. He may not be spanked, but John understands that his punishment for not doing chores will be very real. Fear of a mistress wife is a far cry from fear of God, but a mistress's punishment for disobedience will come much quicker."
Gorgeous words!!!
But the question is what is to keep a balance between fear and love and also between dominance and safety. I don't think men should be unsafe. Although I do think they should be meek, submissive and in a certain degree of fear to their authoritarian wives who own and rule them. I also think they should be a little bit dependent, but not to a degree where that dependence makes them so vulnerable that they are unsafe. I even like your idea of some financial control, but not in a way that is unsafe. Do you see the difference between the two? How can it be done? It's an open question, and each woman has to think what is right for her.
Mistress Kathy,
Although my wife and I are not religious people in any way (confirmed agnostics, the pair of us), we both like to consider ourselves spiritual individuals. I hope that you will therefore allow me to reply to your post from the stand-point of someone who did not experience 'the fear of the Lord' but whose love for his wife/mistress is laced with just the smallest trace of fear of her displeasure.
In the first place, I shuld say that it is her desire that this should be so. No, she is not a cruel woman in any way, despite what one or two of your more blinkered correspondents might believe. She does, however, believe that my submission to her will involves, first and foremost, complete obedience to her commands once they have been issud. She may accept gentle teasing, she may even accept mock-protest, but woe betide me if I cross the line that we both know exists.
It is not a matter of being afraid of physical chastisement, either. That may be a manifestation of her displeasure and it may be used when my wife sees no other recourse, but it is the displeasure itself that scares me. Just as I feel bathed in a warm glow when she is pleased with me, so the soul tends to shrivel when she is not. Nothing is worse than being told that she is disappointed with me and then ignored while I am confined somewhere to think about my mis-steps. I would do anything to avoid such treatment and the result is that I actively seek out behaviour that will be pleasing and acceptable to her.
Your comment that a mistress's responsibility is to provide the structure in which her man can achieve his greatest potential is so accurate. In the opinion of both of us, but especially my wife, my best potential is reached by strict submission to her wishes. Wasted potential is something of which my wife takes the dimmest possible view - she therefore organises matters so that I fear the consequences of wasting mine. It is that simple and it is not my place to dispute her judgement.
Your blog remains a great joy.
Respectfully,
James
Dear Ms. Kathy,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I know you speak with knowledge and experience. I also know that each relationship is going to be different and mine is not like that which you've described. I know no fear of Her. I do all that I can, cook, clean, keep house completely, tend to the cars etc., and any additional chores that crop up. I do not do these things out of fear. If it came to that, I'd leave our 50+years of marriage. I do all that I can for her out of love. I stay and obey out of love. For me (and I think for many others too) it is that love of Her that is our driving force. There may be a difference in the mind-set of each of us and its true that many thrive on fear and enjoy that titillation of that situation which is normal and natural for them.
Wayne,
Evidently, you have never been to an old school type Catholic school. The nuns rule with care and concern and I remember the principal of my school using a razor strap across my ass more than once for any number of what was considered wrongs I'd committed. You are an uninformed, close-minded facist if you think that your words make any difference to those of us who truly understand society and the dominance and submission that occur and how we maintain stability in society in general and how we maintain confidence and express love in our personal lives.
Most sincerely
larry
If you think this is bad, look at the older posts about how she forced her husband to eat magazine pages or how she forces him to kneel in the corner (which is very painful for him).
Anonymous,
Do you hear or see her husband rebelling or objecting? Who are you to judge anyone else for anything? Have you ever seen or participated in some of the activities her husband paid women to do to him?
It's very clear that you neither understand nor are educated in the ways of a Femdom relationship to begin with.
Please cease criticizing something you don't understand. Learn and you'll find a whole world of people who don't follow the status quo or societies new expectations for relationships.
Sincerely,
larry
Yes. I have frequented dozens of places like “the Studio” and have participated in many of the same activities that John has. I still do.
That’s why I know there is a difference between catering to his needs and just being mean spirited and cruel. I have been taken on both sides of the line.
When she made him eat the magazine pages, he had just been allowed back in the house. He had no leverage and was undoubtedly frightened of losing everything. He was in no position to “rebel” or anything.
I personally know someone who was in an FLR. She made her boyfriend submit to a spanking to get her back and told me, “He can stop it at anytime, but then he would lose me.” I was more than happy to tell her to her face that what she did was cruel and evil, as it exploited the emotional leverage she had over him to force him to submit and survive to completion a beating of unknown and unregulated intensity and duration. So too here, at least with the magazine incident.
I also asked the moderator if John would prefer not be subjected to his painful kneeling corner time, That question went unanswered.
I’ve had the same fantasies and interests you guys have since I was very young. That doesn’t mean I believe “anything goes.”
So, please cease addressing me.
Well I guess that is the difference. You “have had the same fantasies and interest” where John has chosen to live a life you have fantasized about it or chosen to maintain control of deciding when you play and when you don’t. I don’t judge you man I get it the idea is intoxicating but don’t those judge those that take it to the level they have in their life.
Mistress Kathy’s Bobo
I don’t judge any guy for doing it. However, I do hear certain, specific things they are subjected to that are concerning.
My sympathy is always with the sub.
My concern is for those who share my leanings and whether they are treated well. I am interested in how he male subs’ happiness and welfare is preserved because there have to be lines which, if crossed, would be damaging or at least make them unhappy. I know that is true for me, but I negotiate that and the money keeps every one honest. Some (not all or even most) of the things I read here make me wonder how the sub’s well being is preserved, especially if he is subjected to something that he truly does not want.
So, when I see things like forcing someone to eat magazine pages, which would likely cause me to vomit, I do think that is a nasty thing to do to someone. It seems over the line and cruel to me. However, that is not a knock on the sub.
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