A quick look at the number of dots connected to this post as well as my work schedule tells me that is time to bring this series to a conclusion. The comments, the emails have all been wonderful. You have all been sweethearts. It takes courage to share. It is time for femdom to come out of the shadows into the mainstream of western culture. It is my hope that in some small way the blog helps promote understanding of this evolving way of living and loving.
While the comments have been great there was one that stayed with me in a special way. In his comment of May 5th James captures so much of the beauty and love associated with femdom relationships. In truth he captures the essence of what is commonly called loving femdom authority.
It is my hope that everyone goes back to read it again and again.
A man gives up control, but gains freedom, James writes. By giving up control men are liberated to follow the dictates of their heart. Whatever woman says that men have no sense of romance or passion needs to read this comment and talk about it with her friends. Then James says that he had no idea that he wanted to bee tamed, trained, and even lovingly enslaved until meeting his wife to be.
What I have always believed is that a strong, confident woman who is willing to take on the responsibilities of leadership can make a man into a better version of himself. (A happier version more content with life, and more connected to his wife and family.) This is the potential gift of femdom to the world. Men want it, but women continue to resist.
In modern society we need to redefine the meaning of the word slave as to include a male who is owned body and soul by a woman who loves him. There should be no higher calling for a man than to be tamed, trained, and lovingly enslaved by a woman. Many happy years breed the conditions for absolute respect and absolute control and trust that are essential for a femdom relationship, James writes. And yes, it is my belief that what James is saying is the truth. In femdom you can't go from A to Z in a few days. It often takes years of work and sacrifice. Women think femdom is only for the benefit of the men, but there are deep satisfactions that come with these relationships.
We want to connect with our men. We want them there as our soul mates. We love to be touched by them. We want them to touch us both physically and spiritually. We want them there for us when the rest of the world is going crazy. And yes, we want their support because even as strong women we need the hand of a loving man by our side. And just as men trust us to do what is best for them we know that they are there for us in our time of need. A loving submissive husband devoted to his wife and family is a treasure.
And, James thank you for being my hero this day. It is my hope that nothing here should embarrass you in the least way. A big kiss to all of you and especially to those who were kind enough to share.
Love you all,
Kathy
Times are changing, look around. Dating is not meaning Sex, it has finally brought more meaning. Communication is happening, which is long overdue. My wife and I dated for a good year, we wanted to know one another. I learned women know more about you than you think. We both knew she was the one who would run the household.
ReplyDeleteWe both have faults, we accept them. When we finally got down to our deepest secret, desires, I was in shock, she knew, I thought she had ESP, but she had found my stash of magazines on spanking. Did not surprise her, but once we were married it would be a part of our lives, I agreed. We were married three months later, and our honeymoon was on the beach, nice beach house, somewhat secluded. It was near the end of the honeymoon that one morning at breakfast she said one last thing to do to cement our marriage. She showed me a hairbrush she had hidden on her lap and her voice changed to a stern voice. I was told off with the pajamas and get over her lap, I smiled and did as told. When she was done, I was not smiling, I was rubbing, dancing around, it hurts I said, good she said. There will be many more she said and you best do as told or it will be worse. We went home the next day, she drove, I could not sit still, my bottom was still hurting from the spanking. Yes I accepted, and Yes I feel it is the right choice, and most of all my wife like most women run a better household and most of all know that their husbands from time to time need a Mother gladly put them over their laps and address the problem. Stan
Standing before my wife, pleading, promising not to do it again, knowing it is falling on deaf ears, I also feel strongly that she loves me. Once the spanking is over and I get off her lap, my bottom is hurting, I know that I have hurt her by my actions and so the spanking was necessary. Once my time facing the wall is over, I know that I must wear my pajamas for the rest of the day, no matter the time of the day, part of my punishment. This male is so very lucky to find such a woman, I living the good life. Marcus
ReplyDeleteRegardless of whatever one thinks of the LGBTQ, it is difficult not to respect the solidarity they seem to have for each other. This solidarity means some level of individual sacrifice for the good of the whole group. There is much peer pressure to come out even if it puts the individual in danger. Older LGBTQ are to be treated with a special respect because they helped fight for gains that younger LGBTQ enjoy. Because of this solidarity, their opponents often underestimate them.
ReplyDeleteThis dynamic in a strange way emulates patriotism. At its core patriotism is collectivist, not individualistic and wars cannot be won unless there is an instinctive solidarity for one another, unless people see themselves as part of something much larger than themselves and are willing to die to have their own nation.
The femdom movement, in contrast, places much more primacy on the individual, and it seems that whenever the going gets tough, they tend to run for the hills, being too worried about their bank accounts and high paying jobs to make any real progress. Perhaps the femdom movement could learn something from the LGBTQ.
Joel
Hello Kathy. I was just re-reading your last post and had a thought about one of your comments. You said" Men want it, but women continue to resist". Of course you were addressing the mystery of why Femdom or the desire to live in a FLR seems so unacceptable to most women. I know that it is not the "norm" and is rarely a type of relationship that most women desire. I can certainly understand this if the male approaches the woman with a box of kinky fantasies looking to fulfill his needs ....... But, what if the mans desire to live in a FLR is sincere and he remains the strong man she fell in love with . Why do women still " continue to resist ". I know there are many reasons but I wonder if the woman's desire to be pursued is more important that her desire to be empowered? In a traditional relationship conflict seems to be the very basis of the relationship. Neither party is willing to surrender so there is a constant struggle that usually involves the man being in a state of "chase" to gain her acceptance. In a FLR, the chase ends when a man surrenders to his wife. He agrees to love and obey her for the rest of his life. The conflict is over.... no more drama.... sometimes I believe this is why so many men desire to be in a FLR. They find peace in the surrender.
ReplyDeleteHope your week is good.
For John,
ReplyDeleteThank you sweetie for the comment. I am not really sure of the answer. For one thing femdom does have a sexual component for men that is simply not there for women. Also, men who claim to be submissive often are very demanding of women. Men want their limits pushed. They want women to do things that they may not be comfortable with. And, keep in mind that the idea of a bossy, controlling woman is not the image that most women want for themselves. Once a relationship reaches what I call 'escape velocity' where the wife is really in control, many of these factors change. Once a wife is firm with her guy. Once he reaches the conclusion that she is really in control of his life his behavior tends to change for the better. At that point men develop an honest fear of the woman in their life. They understand that the wife is not to be trifled with because her authority is real and so are her punishments. When the decision was made to open up with our children, I could see genuine apprehension in John. He was nervous, he was fearful, but he trusted my judgment as only a truly loving man can do.
Once you get to the point of making it real there is a feeling of empowerment. What I do appreciate is John willingness to please me. Is a sense this is the same as being pursued. Of course, we are older, and sexual aspects of a relationship are more important for a younger couple. What I am trying to say is that empowerment and a woman's desire to be pursued are not mutually exclusive.
Sweetheart, this may not be the best answer, but for now it is all I can do.
Love, Kathy
Do you really want your husband to fear you?
ReplyDeleteIf that is the case, can you describe the quality and the extent of the fear that you seek to instill and how it doesn't inhibit his being open with you about his feelings?
Hi Kathy and John,
ReplyDeleteNot to be argumentative, but I'm not sure it really is true that most women are resistant to an FLR relationship. It is almost certainly true that few women *initiate* such relationships, but that doesn't mean they won't take the reins if asked. There are a lot of men on my blog who have had serial DD and FLR relationships, and most began with previously "vanilla" women. My own relationship began with me suggesting a DD relationship. My wife went for it and took to it quickly. When I suggested moving to more of an FLR, she not only got on board but took it in new and unexpected directions. So, I think the "resistance," to the extent it is out there, comes from:
-- They've never really heard of it and anything new seems weird
-- They are fighting a lot of socialization that has often put women in secondary roles
-- They have a very prevalent resistance to being viewed as "bitches"
And,there are definitely some who want to be protected and sheltered by their men, and taking charge of the relationship just isn't of any interest to them. And, they see FLR as making him less manly. Those definitely are going to be resistant, but I' not sure they are even close to a majority.
Dear Mistress Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for a long time. In a way
you know me, and in a way you have deeply affected me
with your words. Your words melt my submissive heart.
Do I want to be tamed?
Yes, with passion...
a poet
Dan , Kathy. I guess everyone's opinion on a FLR is pretty much based on life experience. Dan, from my point of view you are very lucky to have married a women that openly accepted your desires for DD and FLR. I base that opinion not so much on my failed attempts at FLR but more on my general encounters in the dating world . I find it impossible to attract a woman's attention from the " nice guy " position that I find natural and have always had to project myself as the typical selfish male. It would appear that even the strongest ALFA females are still attracted to the strong ALPA males types. I think this is primal and is just part of being a woman but I also believe that women still long to be in control. It takes courage and an open mind for a woman to move past the societal expectations and embrace her power . Unfortunately women never seem to understand that a "bitch "is a weak woman trying to gain attention where as a strong woman commands attention and is widely respected by either sex. Her power is simply there and is never questioned. Everyone understands that her husband defers to her out of love and respect.
ReplyDeleteLove the conversation, than you all
Ms. Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI feel there is a Female and a male perspective to FLR and BDSM in general. I don't think one has to necessarily be a male or a Female to adopt either perspective, but there is a "Female" way to think of a FLR and a "Female" way to think even of maledom and a male way to think of those things, and both Females and males can adopt either way. I certainly like the Female way a lot better (but like everything, there are a few things about the male perspective that can compliment it. For instance, males are a lot less about chastity and a lot more about enjoying and embracing sexuality - whereas for most other things the Female perspective is clearly the one I love the most. I also think it's superior because it is more Female!).
The truth is I thought about this because I read the past comment by John Dalton. John might be a very nice boy but I feel his perspective about FLR, in my humble opinion, is more male. I feel your perspective is more Female (Dan's too, by the way... and I also feel the Worshiping Your Wife page that used to exist was quite Female, even when Denis would write). I feel this is a topic you understand very well and I feel it would make a great entry for a post if you would expand on it like only you can.
Alex
Ms. Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI feel there is a Female and a male perspective to FLR and BDSM in general. I don't think one has to necessarily be a male or a Female to adopt either perspective, but there is a "Female" way to think of a FLR and a "Female" way to think even of maledom and a male way to think of those things, and both Females and males can adopt either way. I certainly like the Female way a lot better (but like everything, there are a few things about the male perspective that can compliment it. For instance, males are a lot less about chastity and a lot more about enjoying and embracing sexuality - whereas for most other things the Female perspective is clearly the one I love the most. I also think it's superior because it is more Female!).
The truth is I thought about this because I read the past comment by John Dalton. John might be a very nice boy but I feel his perspective about FLR, in my humble opinion, is more male. I feel your perspective is more Female (Dan's too, by the way... and I also feel the Worshiping Your Wife page that used to exist was quite Female, even when Denis would write). I feel this is a topic you understand very well and I feel it would make a great entry for a post if you would expand on it like only you can.
Alex
John,
ReplyDeleteIt may be that there are two different dynamics at play here depending on when DD is introduced. In my case, we were together for several years before I heard about DD and I then suggested it to her. So, it wasn't a case of her being attracted to a submissive man from the outset or a submissive man trying to attract a strong female into the relationship. I wonder if that does impact the ability of some men to get an FLR relationship, i.e. it very well may be that most women are not initially attracted to men who are outwardly subservient or submissive. I have noticed this dynamic on multiple FLR blogs -- the very outwardly submissive men instantly start in with the "Mistress XX, I adore and worship you . . ." stuff, with a woman they don't even know. Would *any* woman find that genuinely attractive? Maybe a few, but I'm guessing not many.
Dear Mistress Kathy
ReplyDeleteThank you for all you do. I found this in an astrology book.
It seems that Pisces individuals are submissive.
"Being conquered isn't all that unpleasant...
Pisces secretly prefer to be dominated...
Being dominated makes life easier...
Someone else tells you what to do...
Dominating and conquering are tiresome occupations...
Best wishes
a poet
Ms. Kathy,
ReplyDeleteCould you talk more about what that new word, slave, to mean a man that is completely owned and loved means?
For Alex,
ReplyDeleteThat is a good question, and I am not really sure how to answer it.
In a real sense there is no getting around the fact that my John is something of a slave to me. He does what he is told, he is not paid for his work except in kisses, and he strives to please me. And yes, in a sense he is owned. Unlike real slaves he is free to leave, yet he doesn't. He wants to be owned. He wants to be treasured, and beyond that there is a deep bond between us. And yes, there is love. And, there is also a duty. He has the duty to serve, to obey, and strive to please me. Yet, in the relationship I also have duties. As his mistress it is my duty to train him, to develop him, as well as supervise him. Femdom is not a one way street. There are responsibilities that come with being a mistress.
The terms dominating and conquering are often associated with femdom. You may have noticed that these terms have not often been used in the blog. Femdom works when both parties to a relationship want it to work. You can't force a man into a femdom relationship. He either wants it or he doesn't. What you can do as a mistress is help a husband to develop his submissive side. You can help him to bring it our so that it is an active part of his life. When this happens men do in some sense become the property of the women who train them.
While we have never met my impression is that you would make a good slave husband for the right woman. My impression is that you are both loving and kind, and need a certain amount of female guidance in your life. As a free man you will resist the temptation, but the right woman could collar and leash you with very little trouble.
She could help you to develop that special side of your personality that remains hidden from most of the world. She would make you feel good about being owned, and about being obedient to her.
What I have come to believe is that men like you and John are naturally obedient to women. It is who you are. There are times when you might try to fight it or to put on some other face, but what you need is the freedom to show that submissive side of your personality to the world.
I am sorry sweetie it all of this didn't come out so well, but it is important for people to take a certain pride in whom they are.
Love you,
Kathy
Ms. Kathy,
ReplyDeleteOh my! I feel you read me like an open book. You really know me so well, sometimes better than I know myself. Do you remember when you wrote that a slave needs to have some trepidation, some healthy fear of a Mistress? Your knowledge of me makes me feel that very feeling. I feel like putty in your hands when you talk with such ease about I would make a good slave, when you tell me I can keep pretending otherwise, but you know my true nature. When you show me how fast I can run. But can't hide from Femdom. And then, in the midst of all that trepidation, you extend a warm feeling and tell me I should be accepted, not hide it, "it is who I am. There are times when I might try to fight it or to put on some other face, but what I need is the freedom to show that submissive side of my personality to the world".
Ms. Kathy, in the same post you call me slave and sweetie. Those names, put together, make me feel like butter in a hot desert, melting in your mouth as you utter them. I feel weak, I feel naked and known by you but I also feel safe, and I feel fear but also love. Ms. Kathy, I feel romanced, owned, kissed and whipped all at the same time. I don't know how you do that, but I feel I have nowhere to hide from when you tell me "As a free you will resist the temptation, but the right Woman could collar and leash you with very little trouble". If I wanted to run from that, where would I run after having such feelings when you talk to me like that? How can I hide when you know me so well?
Ms. Kathy, I feel you have captivated me and I don't know what to do, but this post, this post that you say "I am sorry sweetie if all of this didn't come out so well" has not only come out well, it has changed my life. This and similar posts where you talk to me about these things. Like the time you told me I would be a pleasure to own, that you wouldn't mind having me as a slave husband but referred to me as something of a different "type" or "flavor" than your John. Those posts have changed me. They have shown me that I can run, but I can't hide from loving Femdom.
Ms. Kathy, I don't know what to do. I feel you are a leader to me, an authority figure that I should follow if I want to find myself. I feel nobody else knows these things about me the way you do, and if they did they wouldn't know how to handle me the way you do. I feel submissive, I feel empowered and powerless in the same feeling. I feel loved.
I feel owned. What will I do? How can I save myself? How can I go find myself?
Alex
Are you finished with the blog Ms Kathy or should I continue to check daily. I would understand if you are done and wish you the best. richard s
ReplyDelete