femdom101

Going Back To Work

2012-01-24T07:28:00.004-06:00

One of the wonderful things about having a husband who is a good provider is that I can take time off from work. While not having said anything on the blog, I have been off from work since Christmas. Next week will be the start of a new project, and posting on the blog will slow down for a while.

Several years ago we made the decision to put my mother in a nursing home. I toured several, not being happy with any of them. The administrator of one of homes told me that it is hard to understand life in a nursing home from the outside. Femdom is much the same way. Looking in from the outside it is very difficult to understand why a couple would adopt this way of life.

Way back in the early part of the blog I did a posting about my first visit with Liz. This was the first time I really talked with an ordinary women who was in the lifestyle, and had an opportunity to visit her house. It made an impression on me. She and her husband had been clients of the studio, and she was trained by Tara to train her husband. As we walked into the house, Liz brought her husband to command position. I remember the way she completely ignored him for a time choosing to give me a tour of the house.

The tour of the house must have taken close to thirty minutes as we took time to talk in various rooms. During that time the husband did not move a muscle. It was much like the clients in the studio, but here was a husband in his own house. At the end of the tour she took me where she was kneeling, and introduced him to me. She then called him by his first name, and asked who wears the pants in this house. He responded with 'you do, mistress'. She then asked him if he liked it that way. 'Yes, mistress' he responded.
She responded with 'well, so do I'. She then gave him permission to rise. After fetching us something to drink and serving a lunch, Liz excused him from the room. He did a little curtsy, and went back to his other duties.

As her husband was standing there I made a comment about how well trained he was. That comment brought a little smile to both of their faces. By this time I had been working in the studio for a couple of months, and had developed an eye for how effectively a man had been trained to follow commands. What got my attention though was that they were a married couple, and neither one of them appeared to be embarrassed by having me witness the husband's display of submission.

From that day on we became friends. Liz is a beautiful women with a lovely family. Her husband is a sweet man who enjoys living the life of a slave. Like my John he is also a good provider, and a protector of his family. Like my John Liz's husband is a real man that any women should be proud to claim as her property.
Ownership of a man can have its challenges, but also rewards.

Like myself, Liz and her husband are devout Christians. Like myself, Liz and her husband believe that on this earth a man serves God by serving his wife and family. As a Christian wife married to a submissive man Liz believes her duty is to hold the leash in one hand, and the whip in the other. Liz's loves her husband with all her heart. She also believes in firm guidance and firm discipline. One of the things Liz taught me was to always, always demand respect from your husband as well as his love.

Love, Mistress

Comments: Fun and Games With Tara

2012-01-23T08:03:00.001-06:00

The comments to Fun and Games were interesting. Most women are naturally programed to reject anything that resembles a femdom way of life. This weekend I received an email from a young lady who was part of Tara's group of wives and girlfriends for a short time. Her guy was submissive. She went with him to the studio, went to Tara's group sessions for women, but never accepted femdom.

This young lady picked up on the term 'cocker spaniel' in the last posting. She asked me what women wants a man who acts like a cocker spaniel, trained to roll over on command, and fetch; just because he does laundry and house work. This lady and her guy broke up over the femdom issue. One of their arguments, she tells me, went something like him saying he needed a real mistress with her responding by saying she needed a real man.

For some men female dominance is a fantasy. For some other men female authority needs to be a way of life. My baby is one of those deeply subservient men who need to be leashed and collared. Is a male who is trained to drop to the floor at the snap of a women's fingers a real man, or some type of imitation?

What do you think?

Mistress

Fun And Games With Tara And Strange Thoughts

2012-01-20T11:04:00.000-06:00

Looking in from the outside it is very difficult for a women to understand femdom. On first glance the entire concept of a male desiring to be bossed around by a female is contrary to just about every experience she has had in life. Even if she gets to the point of understanding, there is still the issue of accepting the idea that your man does not want to be treated as an equal, but as some type of subservient being that is perhaps one small step higher than that of a cocker spaniel.

In normal circumstances one of a man's biggest fears is to have his wife learn that he has been visiting a dominatrix. The sum of all fears is to learn that the wife has not only knows abouts the dominatrix, but is also talking and learning from her. In a moment of fear and panic years ago John wrote down Tara's phone number on a small sheet of paper. At that moment I could not have cared less about who she was, or his motives for giving me that information. Yes, John said something like I could talk with Tara, and she would tell you there has never been any sex. In that strange conversation even the sound of the word, sex, had a certain evil sting to it that hurt in so many different places.

As I think back on it, I am still not quite sure what motivated me to pick up the phone to dial Tara's number. It seemed like I picked up the phone two or three times before finding the courage to dial the entire number. I kept thinking do I really want to talk with this women, what will I say, what will she say to me. It may or may not have been actual sex according to the dictionary, but the panties told me there was some type of a sexual relationship. On one side of the issue I was angry. On the other side I wanted to know more about who this women was, and more about what was had happened between her and my husband. As I said many times on the blog, the only thing I knew about dominance and submission was something I saw on an old television show.

What I did know from the old television show was enough to give me a sick feeling. All I could remember was a women dressed up like a witch, holding a whip, and threatening a man who was cowering at her feet. This man cowering at the feet of the witch was not, could not have been my husband. In my opinion the man in the television show was mentally sick, and the entire episode was disgusting. In some little corner in the back of my mind, I remember that the television show seemed to capture John's attention. If the remote had been in my hand the channel would have been changed. In looking back on things I now realize that John must have been totally captivated with this show.

Whatever Tara was or was not she never wanted to be a home wrecker. The girls in the studio had a few rules to follow. If a guy was married he should never be punished in a way that would leave marks on his body. If he was local, he was not to be paraded around the neighborhood in the company of a mistress.
If you happened to see a client on the street, you were to pretend you didn't know him.

For the most part the women in the studio were quite a bit younger than I was. No, that statement is not correct. They were all quite a bit younger. Some were college students trying to make tuition money. There one black girl, who had beautiful features, that was in prelaw at a local university. She told me once that Caucasian men would pay extra to be dominated by a black women. At the time I thought it to be an interesting comment, and wondered if John was one of those types of men that dreamed of having a black mistress hold the other end of his leash.

In the first few weeks of my internship , my thoughts were constantly dominated by John. Every time I saw a man putting his head into a toilet bowl, or crawling around on all fours like a dog, I thought to my self these are things that John must have done. The statement Tara made to many times, 'at least he is not an ax murderer' kept vibrating in my head. Eventually, I began to understand what Tara meant. A man may need to be bossed around by a women, or to crawl around on all fours, but that does not make him an evil person.

There was one other statement made that often vibrated in my head. She told me that almost all of her clients were married men. These men, she told me, came to her because they couldn't get what they needed from their wives. Yes, I thought, John was indeed one of these men.

Love, Mistress

Thoughts On A Saturday Morning

2012-01-14T14:07:00.001-06:00

Where John and I live it is an absolutely beautiful Saturday morning. As you know this is John's traditional day to clean house. On this Saturday morning he is highly motivated. This afternoon there is another sports match on the television that he wants to watch.. Yes, of course, he may watch, but only if his household chores are completed.

John, along with a few others has been invited by another boy to watch the game at his house. Before giving permission, my first thought was to call the wife to make sure she would be present. Then I thought, no, I am a wife and a mistress not a mother. Then, it occurred to me that in some ways I still tend to think of John and his friends as boys instead of men. Then, I made a mental note to no longer refer to his buddies as boy friends . Yes, my baby is not a boy. My John is an adult man who supports me, protects me, and loves me. For the most part John has shown that he is a trustworthy, well trained, submissive man who respects my authority.

Yes, it is true that no relationship is ever perfect. While John loves living as my slave, his world is not perfect.
Over the years John has learned that there are things that come with our lifestyle that he does may not like, but needs to accept. Our relationship is intimate. We talk a great deal, and I do respect his opinion. However, when I make a decision that is not to his likening, I expect to hear something like 'yes mistress' or 'as you wish mistress' without pouting or back talk. On one or two occasion in the last few weeks I have felt it necessary to give John a little taste of Tara and company as punishment.

In the next few weeks I want to make a change in the direction of the blog. I worked with Tara for only a few months, but for a suburban, soccer type mom the experience was totally intensive. In those few months I learned to do things I never thought I could do, or ever wanted to do. In those few months I learned more about how men think then many women do in a life time. When Tara first told me that working with her would change the way I thought about male/female relationships, I thought she was crazy. My experience with Tara taught me that this young twenty something, maybe thirty year old knew more about men then any women twice her age.

Before going in this new direction, I have a brief assignment for the readers of Femdom 101. Mistress Sandra made a comment which I thought was very well thought out, and extremely well written. Her comments have a way of resonating with me. I was disappointed that more of the readers didn't want to talk about what she had to say. In my opinion Miss Sandra is a very smart lady, whose comments on this blog should be appreciated. Before going further, I want each of the male readers to revisit her comments, and thank her for taking the time to enrich this blog.

Sandra is a man's mistress who is very much aware of her authority. As such, she should be addressed as either Mistress, Miss Sandra, or Ma'am.

Mistress

Note For Sub2DomMom

2012-01-12T17:20:00.000-06:00

They all of you for the great comments.

Often times there are parts of a comment that grab my attention. In this case it was the statement by Sub2DomMom that he feels more comfortable, more confident as a sub than as an equal. John and I have had that same conversation on numerous occasions. From what I can see it is more or less the same for him. If I am with him, holding the other end of the leash, he is very seldom nervous about where he goes.
On the other hand, if he is along, he tends to lack confidence. Somehow I believe men gain confidence just by being with a women who is not afraid to lead them?

Love,

Kathy

Thoughts On A Tuesday Morning

2012-01-10T10:26:00.000-06:00

Its been a very busy week for the blog. There have been a lot of great comments. A lot of interesting comments. If Femdom 101 is 'famous' for any reason it is because of the input of its readers. You are great!

When the blog was started I had no idea how many women actually controlled the sexual releases of their partners. This is a much more common practice than I realized. Uncontrolled releases by the male is always seen as a problem and an act of unfaithfulness. Both Karen and her friend, whom I visited with last summer, believe in the use of chastity devices. Back then the comment was made by Karen's friend that her guy could slip out of the device, but he couldn't put it back on without having the key to unlock it. As such, she thought the chastity device was a worth while investment.

I have always said that you can tell a great deal about a man by the way he kisses. On that third date, by the way John kissed me, I knew he was a keeper. You can also tell quite a bit about how a man kisses by the way he writes. So here is big hug and kiss to Mark Remond ,one of the sweetest bloggers on the Internet. Mark's words come out like poetry. By the way he writes you can tell he is a keeper that any women would be pleased to kiss and to have in her life.

One of favorite one liners on the blog was from a more recent comment, 'we always knew which end of the leash we each lived on'. There is so much truth in that statement. One end of the leash is made to fit on the hand. The other end is made to fit on the collar. There are a large number of men in the world who know they belong at the collared end of the leash. These men want their lives to be directed and controlled by a women who loves them. Because of societal pressure these sweet men are ashamed to admit that they like to be bossed around by women.

Most of the women I know want their men to enjoy serving them. Perhaps this is one of the differences between true slavery and and what we call slavery in a femdom relationship. A couple of the recent comments illustrate this point. In our home John does most of the house work, but not all of it. From time to time he can have a demanding schedule, but it is nothing he can't keep up with. What is important to me is that he enjoys serving. For a man like John serving a female is a privilege. Yes, I very much agree with the comment that many men feel more secure as a women's submissive than as her equal.

If Femdom 101 is well received on the Internet it is because it is one of the first blogs to tell submissive men that there is nothing wrong with being submissive. Desiring to be collared and leashed by a confident women is nothing that a a man should ever be ashamed of. In a future world, more enlightened than today's society, it may be very common for women to walk down a busy street with a man held securely on the end of her leash. And yes, there are many men in the world who feel much more comfortable as a collared slave than living the life of a free male.

As we become more open about femdom, it will become more accepted by society. Intern, men will feel less guilt about desiring femdom as a lifestyle choice. Love you all for making the effort to comment. What ever you do, don't let a day go by without telling your wife that you love her. By your thoughts, words, and deeds let her know that you enjoy serving her. For a male being allowed to serve a female is a privledge as well as a joy.

Kathy

Observation

2012-01-04T08:14:00.000-06:00

Thank all of you for reading the blog.

I hope the last posting about our first kiss wasn't too boring for the guys, but yes, femdom can be very romantic. For me there has always been something very special about being with John, my sweet and gentle man. Femdom will bring out the softer side a male.

One of the other interesting aspects of femdom is that a man's need for sexual release may decline with age, his need for female authority will remain strong.

I want to hear from my older boys on this topic.

Love, Mistress

A First Kiss And Others Matters Of Ancient History

2012-01-03T07:41:00.000-06:00

The Christmas season brings out the sentimentality in me.

In the blog I often talk about John, the relationship with Tara, and his act of infidelity. The truth of the matter is that John is really a very loving and a sweet man. In real life he is one of those champion types that above all else wants to please the women in his life. The relationship with Tara happened because John had a need for something more in his life than I was providing. It was a need for something that he never imagined could, or ever would be met at home. In John's thinking his very special need was something his wife would never accept, would never understand.

When young women get together they often talk about a fist date or first kiss. In college I had been dating an athlete. We met at a fraternity party. He was a handsome guy, with strong physical features.
In looking back at that time in my life, I can't say that I really loved him. We had a relationship, we had fun, and for some time we were an item in our little corner of the campus. During that time I knew John only as my friend's brother. A few times the three of went our for a pizza, or a snack. We said hello to one another on campus, and occasionally would sit together in the cafeteria.

In those early meetings I learned to think of John as a cute guy with a pretty smile. He was nice to have around. He had a car. If I ever needed to go somewhere, John was always a ready volunteer. On a rainy day he was quick to lend me his umbrella for a walk to the next class. In a general type of way John was the sweet guy who was always there to carry a girl's books, or make sure she got where she needed to go. For John's part he knew that I was going out with someone else, and always manged to keep a respectful distance. I did notice though, that every time we happened to meet on campus, John had that pretty smile waiting for me.

The young man I was going out with was a lot of fun. There were always fraternity parties, and things to do.
Sometime he wouldn't call me until the last minute for a Saturday night date. It was kinda like he took it for granted that I would be there for him, but then again he practically always called, even if the call was last minute. Back then no one lived together unless they were married. The girls lived on campus. The guys either lived on campus or in small off campus apartments. College life was very different than it is today. Most of the girls were not on the pill. Intercourse with a guy was something that was to taken very seriously.

Although many things were different, there were some things that were the same. When you went out with a guy you usually kissed him. When a date dropped you off at the dorm, you would stand there, with all the other couples in their private little worlds and 'make out'. I loved those final minutes of a date before curfew. Bill would put his muscular arms around my waist, and pull me tight against his body. As a young women I loved the sensation of a guy pulling me tightly against his hard body. The kisses were long, they were sensual. In the middle of a kiss Bill's arms and hands would generally slip down from my back to my buttocks. When that happened I could feel his fingers groping, feeling their way, then tighten, and finally controlling every muscle in my body. Thank heaven for curfew, I often thought, because so badly I wanted those strong hands to remove every stitch of clothing from my body.

One of the negative things about Bill was that he could care less about my feelings. One day I happened to see him walking on campus next to another girl. They were holding hands. I was hurt. In my mind Bill was my guy. What was he doing, I thought, holding hands with another girl. Bill's reply went something like it was no big deal, she was just a friend. Over a little time I decided that Bill was not reliable, was not the guy for me, and decided to go on dates with other guys.

In college finding a date was not so difficult. The ratio of young men to women was over two to one.
There was always a good looking guy looking to find a date. I went out with a few guys. For the most part we had fun. One of the things I did miss was Bill's strong arms wrapping their way around me. That would make me swoon. One of the things I didn't miss, however, was the smell of his breath. Bill's kisses were passionate, but his breath often smelled of cigarette smoke. It was almost like you needed to bring a bottle of mouth wash on a date.

After a short time of going out with different guys my friend suggested that John and I should go out. You know, she told me, he is crazy about you. Our first date was to an off campus music club. Like most of my college dates, the evening involved a great deal of dancing and a great deal of beer. Being dropped off at the dorm was kind of awkward with a new guy. It was more awkward with John than with most of the guys. He was very unsure of him self. While I didn't expect the heavy 'make out' that happened with a regular boyfriend, I was expecting a good night kiss. Well, it didn't happen. Well, it didn't happen on that night or the next date.

It was on our third date that I decided it was time to take matters into my hands. I looked up at John, put my
index finger on his lips.. When he kissed it, I gently moved it to his cheek. Just enough of a touch so that he could feel the pressure. Slowly, gently I used the finger to guide his lips to mine. It was our first kiss. Yes, it was tender, it was one of those special memories that will always be with me.

Over the next few weeks John and I went out several dates. He was never aggressive, but always sweet and caring. Soon, I discovered another sweet feature of his personality. Anytime I wanted him to kiss me, all I had to do was to touch his cheek. It was no longer necessary to guide his lips to mine, with the slight touch
on his cheek, John understood what I wanted. Back then I didn't know anything about dominance and submission, kinks, or whatever; I only knew that I liked John's reaction to my touch. Looking back on those first dates, I now realize just how trainable a man can be.

Love, Mistress

Note For Jellybean

2012-01-01T08:29:00.006-06:00

Well my little sweetie, I'm proud of you. Last week you found a way of doing something special to please your wife. For that you get one of my gold stars for being a good, obedient boy! I know your wife is sick, and there are times when it is difficult for you to deal with things. You must always remember that God put you on earth to be her servant, and your duty is to her.

We have not talked about this on the blog, but often times women like to have a man undress them. When I come home from a business trip, it is a real treat to have an attentive husband. We have a little routine. John will have a glass of wine ready, often a candle glowing in our bedroom. So that we can talk the television is always turned off. As a mistress wife, I never like to kick off shoes. It is a husband's duty to carefully remove his wife's shoes, and put them in place. John will then use his strong, but tender fingers to remove the remainder of my clothing.

My sweet husband knows that when he removes my blouse or bra, I like a little kiss on the nape of my neck. It is often at that moment I hear those special words from John, 'I love you mistress'. When I hear those words, it makes my heart melt. When I hear those lovely little words, it tells me that years ago I made the right decision in marrying this sweet man. It also tells me that the decision to stay with the marriage by becoming his mistress was the correct one. For all of you gentlemen who read this blog, I would encourage each and one of you to learn to undress your wives in this fashion. It is not something that necessarily leads to sex as much as it provides an intimate moment for conversation. In my opinion couples don't talk as much as they should. Real men are not only obedient to their wives, but also attentive to their little needs in life.
Real men look for ways to please the women in their life whether she is a wife or a mistress, or both.

Most women remember the first time they were undressed by a man as kind of an exciting experience.
Being undressed by a male servant is a different type of feeling, but it is also a very nice experience for a women. In the studio Tara explained to me that the buttons on women's clothing were on the opposite side than on men's clothing. She explained the reason was this. In the 'old days' women had servants to help them dress and undress. Back then, of course, these servants were all women. The modern women, Tara told me should have the nimble fingers of a man to do the work for her. She took great pride in almost always having a man present to help with her clothing, her bath, and most personal needs. Men, she explained, when well trained make wonderful servants. In the studio the better house boys were trained as lady's maids. At the time it didn't make me feel any better to know that John had served as one of these maids.

Happy New Year to all of you. A special kiss for Jellybean for being a good servant.

Kathy

Crossdressing Follow Up

2011-12-30T08:19:00.001-06:00

Thank all of you for taking the time to make comments. You are all appreciated for participating in the blog.
A special thank you to Jackie for being a new follower, and for her excellent posting. Please comment often.
We can always use another lady to help keep the boys in line! Besides, in my opinion, you have to love any women who has the pluck to come right out and say she owns a man.

I am not someone who likes to see a man dressed in women's clothing, but got to the point where it doesn't bother me. In the studio we had limited experience. The men were often dressed as a french maid, tinker bell, or in some other ridiculous costume. For the most part the guys didn't wear real women's clothing. We would dress the guys up, tease them, and then parade them around the studio. There were places in the quarter that sold ruffled panties in larger sizes, and we would often have the guys show off their ruffled bottoms. One of the things I remember about the guys is that they loved to have women laugh at them. Not only did the guys want to wear women's things, they wanted to be on display in front of the ladies. I am not sure if this is common with most cross dressers or not, but believe most men need a female audience to make cross dressing fun?

What John had been wanting to do was have an opportunity to wear real women's clothing on the street.
He had been begging for this for quite some time. We decided that it might be a good learning experience for him. Before letting him go out of the house, I made an inspection of his outfits. I wanted him to be modestly dressed, and appropriately dressed for his age. On his outing he purchased a very cute skirt, with an attractive sweater, and some costume jewelry. In a lot of ways having this real experience was good for him. Like femdom, cross dressing was a type of fantasy that had been bottled up. From now on cross dressing opportunities will be given to him as positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Although we have not any any instances of willful disobedience, we have had issues with back talking.
In the recent past John has had trouble accepting some of my decisions. While I am always interested in hearing what John has to say, I make the final decision. I may not always make the right decision, the best decision, but I am always the mistress. In some of our last discussions John has been a bit neglectful of this very basic fact of his life. John is ordinarily a wonderful and loving obedient man. Some things, some changes in his life got the better of him for a while. For a while I questioned whether or not the absence of physical punishment has had a negative affect on him. My girlfriends and I are always at odd on this issue. For the most part they feel that every so often a male needs to feel the sting of the whip to stay the course.

There are few words women like to hear more than I love you from their man. In the same manner I often think that men, every so often, need to hear from his wife that he is owned. When you man is down on the floor in command position, pull up a small stool, grab him by the hair, look him in eye, and say something like you are mine, you best do as told. A strong verbal message like this gives a man the comfort of knowing his wife is still the authority person in his life. John loves to be told that he is a slave, he is property, my property! It my mind firmly telling a male the facts of life every so often may may make him think twice before testing your authority, or allowing his ego to take control of a situation.

As far as I can tell there is nothing illegal in most places concerning a women wearing men's clothing, or a man wearing women's clothing. Of course, where John and I live, things are a little more liberal than they are in many parts of the United States. On one of those trips to New Your, I remember seeing the man playing guitar wearing only underwear in the middle of Time Square. It was disgusting. I thought if he isn't arrested, how could they ever arrest a man or women for simply wearing clothing of the opposite sex.

I don't want this blog to become about cross dressing, but it is an interesting topic. I appreciated the comment from Dowlow. From what I understood there was only one time when you went in public dressed in women's clothing. Would you mind telling us a little more about how you felt in those thirty seconds or so it took to walk across the hotel lobby. Was this experience different than dressing up with your group?

Love, Kathy

A little About Crossdressing

2011-12-28T07:29:00.001-06:00

There are quite a few blogs on the web that deal with cross dressing. Now that we are into it a bit, I think the blogs tend to make way too big of a deal over it.

A few months back I started allowing John out with a skirt, low heals, and one of my old purses. At first he was very nervous. He was excited, but nervous. Then he had a realization. No one really cared. Every once in a while someone would take a second look. Every once in a while a guy might whistle at him. Like a real women John quickly learned to ignore the whistle and keep on walking. He also learned the value of a pleasant smile to disarm people. The other thing that surprised John was that he received several compliments on how nice he looked.

As I have said in the last posting, my attitude toward cross dressing has changed. The recent experience of taking my guy shopping was rather pleasant. We had a few giggles from teenage girls, but no bricks and stones. Instead of a hair ribbon, John was allowed to wear one of my old hats. In some ways I believe the experience of dressing up in public was good for him. Although every thing went well, John tells me that wearing a skirt made him feel so very vulnerable.

The other point John made was that he felt much more comfortable in the company of women than of men.
He had no problems going into a women's store, or in most retail outlets. The most difficult places for him were restaurants. John tells me that when ever he walked into a restaurant, he could hear the back ground noises of people talking about him, and see others turning their heads in his direction. The food servers were always very nice to him. One one occasion the manager came to the table to make sure everything was fine,
and make him feel wellcome.

One of the things John discovered is that as long as you are polite and courteous most people really don't care how you are dressed. Of course, there are exceptions. Even with Femdom 101 there are some comments that are incredibly hateful. One of the instructions I gave to John was to always be polite. If he went into a small retail store, ask if they minded him shopping there. If he walked into a eatery he asked if they minded having him there with his little skirt on. In every case the owner or manger said they would love to have him.When he left with a package they invited him back.

One of the questions I asked John was did dressing as a women make you feel any different on the inside.
Yes, John felt that women's clothing tends to bring out a softer side in him. In some ways it is like femdom he told me. I also asked John if there was one instance that made him feel particularly bad or good. On the negative side several young spanish men teased him while walking into a Walmart. By far this was is most uncomfortable experience because he didn't know exactly what they were going to do. On the plus side a male waiter called him baby while delivering the check. John tells me that being called baby by another man actually made him blush.

Through out all of this John's biggest fear was that someone from work would recognize him. On the inside he is a little ashamed to be out and about about in women's things. It is not something he would want his daughter to know about. On the other hand John tells me he is not quite sure why a man who believes in the natural superiority of women should ever be ashamed of wearing female clothing. Being out and about was a learning experience for John. In some small way I thing it helped him understand more about himself, his submissive nature, and how to interact with other people.

Love you for reading, Love you more for commenting. For my baby cross dressing and female domination have been fantasies of his for for a long time. When I was a young girl, I had a fantasy of a strong, well toned muscled man taking me in his arms, and making wild love to me. Well that fantasy never quite happened. Instead, I am blessed with a sweet, gentle, caring lover whom I wouldn't trade for the world. John makes me happy in so many ways. I would like to hear form each of you, my babies, about fantasies. Should they be left alone, or should they ever be acted upon. Has anyone ever acted on a fantasy only to be disappointed by the reality?

God Bless,

Kathy

Note For Simon Continues

2011-12-27T08:06:00.001-06:00

Once again sweetie thank you for commenting.

John is one of those men who would love to be able to wear a skirt to work if it were allowed. He is not homosexual in any way, yet he likes to wear pretty things. While this is not universal in submissive males, I find it is fairly common. In the beginning of the femdom part of our relationship it really bothered me. As a women I never liked to see men wearing female clothing. There is nothing really wrong with it. It doesn't hurt anyone. Yet, for some reason the idea of a man dressing up in buttons and bows never seemed quite rite to
me.

There was a part of your comment that bothered me. Just because women are finding their voices, doesn't mean they are using those voices to put men down. Women have fathers, bothers, boyfriends, and husbands.
These are all men that we love and care about. These are the men who have protected us, supported us, and loved us. As women why would we want to put them down. One of the things about the female leadership is that we give everyone a chance to be heard. In the crowed playing field of the future I would like to believe the voice of a man is just as important as that of a women.

Just because the male may not have the educational level of the female, or make less money than she does, it doesn't mean that his voice doesn't deserve to be heard. The difference is that in the future, the debating stage will be predominantly female in character. The wise man will understand there are times when it is appropriate for him to speak, and times when is is appropriate for him to hold his tongue. A few generations in the future it may not be unusual for a male candidate for public office to be questioned about his choice of clothing or the relationships with his wife. Yes, could you imagine a male candidate being publicly asked if he is submissive to his wife?

One of the good things about having a husband who likes to wear women's clothing is that it makes it easier to buy Christmas presents for him. John always likes to have new panties. As part of his Christmas present, I took him to Ashley Steward. For those of you who don't know the chain, it specializes in plus size women's wear. The sales people are very accommodating. Although John has trouble finding dresses to fit, he does pretty well with separates. This year we got him a skirt, a blouse, and some jewelry. It is almost all women in the store. The nice part is that no one really pays any special attention to us. In the store John is just another customer trying on things. No one really gives him a second look except for the sales people, who are very helpful. Even as the wife of a cross dressing husband the sales people have a way of making me feel very comfortable.

Love, Kathy

Special Note For Simon

2011-12-26T14:23:00.000-06:00

Thank you baby for a really interesting comment. Yes, the world is quickly changing. I hope it is not changing too fast. The part of your comment that talked about 'maleness' disappearing from society is happening. Women and female trends are quickly becoming the new norm. The new age male I often talk about understands that he is living in a female concentric world. He understands that to get along, to get promoted in a job, he needs to act more feminine.

Sometimes I wonder if this rush to all things feminine is all good. My belief is that one of the reasons football is so popular with guys is because it is one of the last bastions of masculinity left on the planet. Yes, think about it, football is just about the only place where femininity has not had a dominating influence. I hope it stays that way. Yes, I am concerned for the young men who no longer have traditional adult male models in their life. Even my son, who has a decent job, now has a female supervisor. It doesn't bother him. Like most men of his age it seems perfectly normal that the boss is a women.

With this rush to favor everything female I can't help wondering how long it will be before society accepts the idea of men wearing skirts to work. Will society one day get to the point where a male who desires to get ahead will need to wear an attractive skirt to the office. There are quite a few female supremacist reading this blog who feel this would be a good thing. I don't agree. I believe there is place in society for masculine ideas, for masculine beliefs. This paragon shift to exalting everything female is not without problems.

What do you think?

Mistress

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T10:45:00.001-06:00

Thank all of you for the holiday wishes.

When the children were in college they had a lot of time to spend with us at Christmas. Now, in the world of work, there is much less time. For John and I the good news is that both of our children and son-in-law will be arriving this afternoon.

Love all of you for reading the blog. One of the things I discovered this year is that the blog has been an outlet for me. It has been both a good and a bad thing. In a way I have never really forgiven John for his act of infidelity. The blog has been a way of of continually punishing John for his transgressions with Tara. This is not something that I am proud of, but is simply a fact of life. The blog has also been a way for me to relieve a certain amount of stress.

One of the things that most of us have in common is the need to feel connected. The femdom way of life worked for me because of my girlfriends in the lifestyle. In the say way the blog has helped me connect with like minded people all over the country, and in many parts of the world. Once, I received an email from a man whose lived in a country where women were not even allowed to drive a car, but inside the privacy of their home, worshiped his wife like a goddess.

About this time last year I received a comment from a lady who began following the blog as a way to learn more about her son. As I remember the comment, her son had been married for about a year or two. On visits with her son she could not but help notice 'strange' things about the way he interacted with his wife. The way this lady put it, her son did everything that the wife told him to do. At first she didn't pay too much attention to the dynamics, but gradually came to realize that her son lived in a state of constant submission to her daughter-in-law.

This lady first talked about what she observed with her husband, who told her not to worry about it. She than tried to put it out of her mind for a while, but then realized more and more the son didn't do anything unless the wife gave him permission. She opened up with a few friends, who advised her that they probably had one of those marriages where the husband was submissive to the wife. With that bit of guidance she went to Internet and eventually found this blog.

I bring this story up because Becky is now going through a similar situation with her mother-in-law.
Over the three years they have been married, their relationship has slowly, but consistently taken on more and more of a femdom character. This is not something Becky has told me as much as something John and I have observed. Once again it is the little things. It is thinks like Becky's husband asking John to show him how I like the bath towels folded, and waiting to be excused from the dinner table. John always thought it was interesting the way our son-in-law called him by his first name, but always addressed me as ma'am. Well now he tends to answer Becky with the 'ma'am' word.

It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving when Becky began asking me questions. The questions were not so much about how John and I lived, as much as they were about what we told the family. Becky told me that her husband's mother wondered why her son always called her ma'am. Becky told me that at first she didn't know exactly how to answer the question. She then said something like he must have picked it up from her parents because her father always addressed me as ma'am. In any even that was the start of their conversation.

Hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas. For me Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our savior, not just another winter holiday. Christmas is about love of others, and love of family. As I have told Becky on numerous occasions, I believe in covenant marriage. Many people who read the blog have trouble understanding how our way of life reconciles with the Christian tradition of the man being head of house. Well, for John and I it does. In the modern world women are in may ways better equipped than man to handle the responsibilities that come with being in-charge person. It is not usually a challenge we want. It is, however, a challenge we are often forced to accept.

Love you all,

Kathy

The Blog-Femdom 101

2011-12-21T16:45:00.001-06:00

This has been one of those months when it has been difficult to maintain interest in the blog.

Some of the comments has been great, some interesting, and then those that make we wonder if the commenter has ever followed the blog. In my view a husband should never be exchanged with, or loaned to another women for the sexual purpose. If a good friend needs help with a household project that is one thing. I don't even like the idea of my man kissing the bare feet of another women. I believe that the act of kissing bare feet, licking, and sucking toes is a sexual act that a man should perform for one, and only one women.

As we get ready for Christmas there are issues that need to be resolved between John and I. Yes, I want John's love, his respect, and his obedience. Somewhere between respect and obedience is a command that there is to be no 'talking back'. This is a very basic rule that as of recently John has failed to follow. If we had been on an out of town trip, he would have once again earned the privilege of wearing the pretty yellow ribbon in his hair. Since we are home that will not happen, but he will not be attending the sporting match his favorite college team is participating in. Instead his ticket will be sold, and the proceeds used to attend sewing and cooking classes. John also received a gift of the rod in the same manner it was applied in the studio.

As your children grow older, have husbands and wives, children of their own, traditions change. We had neither our our son or daughter for Thanksgiving. Our daughter and son-in-law had Thanksgiving dinner with his family. Our son had a busy work schedule, and couldn't make the trip. Sometime ago I reported that my daughter had the makings of a mistress wife hidden in her personalty. Back then some one asked if I ever had a conversation with her about our lifestyle. No, I reported. For one reason or another I could never quite find the words to start the conversation. Well, guess what. Becky started the conversation that I could not find the words to began.

Men are strange creatures. They want to live as a submissive. They even want to live as slave husbands, but don't want family members to know how they live. This blog has been a continuing source of humiliation for John. He, or course, never knows for sure who reads it, or what any indivdual may or may not know about our choice of lifestyle..............................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kathy

The Question

2011-12-15T17:42:00.000-06:00

The question was recently asked, ' who is the best foot licker, John or Jeff'. Well, in all honesty, I can not answer that question You see Jeff is Karen's husband, and as far as I know she restricts his foot licking and sucking to her.

What I can tell you is that the young women of today expect a man to be able to please them with his tongue.
When we were young this type of pleasure from boyfriends or husbands was not very common. The new age male has best be ready to please his mistress with his tongue as well as with any other part of his body.

Kathy

Note For Jeminfla

2011-12-14T09:44:00.001-06:00

Thank you for the comment. In my opinion it is not that you should step up the level of deference to you wife as much as she should be requiring it of you. Deference is something that should be required by any women whether in a femdom relationship or not.

Deference is often expressed in the small things of life. Expecting a man to open a door, hold an umbrella, or stand when she enters or leaves a room are things that any women should want in a man. It is also things like expecting a husband to ask permission before leaving the dinner table. It is not just about men and women who are in a relationship. For real men, whom we use to refer to as gentlemen, showing deference to a lady is both a privilege and an honor.

There are still places in the world where real men are not afraid to honor women with a show a deference.
It some times comes in surprising places. I recently visited a plumbing supply house to purchase a part for a broken faucet. Like most supply houses of this type, the customers were all men. It was crowed with rough looking plumbers waiting to be served. When I entered the store, the clerk behind the counter immediately asked if he could be of assistance. 'Yes, I replied, but all of these other gentlemen are ahead of me'. He then said 'Ma,am, it is the policy of the store that ladies are to be served first'. On the way out I noticed there was sign on the wall, 'Attention gentlemen, ladies will be served first". I was very pleased that none of the men grumbled about having to wait longer because I was put at the head of the line.

This past summer John and I were having dinner with our daughter and son-in-law. Becky and her husband went all out to prepare a very nice meal for us. Sometime during dinner the house phone rang. I was pleased to see our son-in law's response to the ringing phone. He knew enough about proper tables manners not to answer the phone until Becky instructed him to do so. It was a simple little look in her direction.
She looked back at him and said tell who ever it is to call back in an hour. With that instruction he
understood he was excused from the table for the purpose of answering the phone. On his return to the table, he politely reported the name of the caller and her purpose.

The reporting back to Becky was a simple, but expected act of deference. As head of house the wife has a right to know everything that is happening in her household. It is a husband's duty to communicate all information about phone calls, conversations, repairs, etc. to his wife. If she is not physically present, it is his duty to leave a note. This is another simple way that a husband should show deference to his wife in everyday life.

When the main course was finished Becky gave a sign to our son-in-law which was obviously his signal to pick up the plates. As our son-in-law began to stand John looked to me for instruction. I then gave John the very same signal that Becky gave to her husband. John understood that meant for him to help with the dishes and coffee. At that moment I felt like giving Becky a compliment on how well her husband had been trained, but then thought it might embarrass him. Even new age males, like our son-in-law, don't always like to hear compliments of this type form their wife's mother.

There is no doubt in my mind where Becky learned that little hand signal. It was the very same one I have been using with John for the last several years. It caught me by surprise that she had noticed it. Of course, children observe everything their parents do. It is not possible to have a femdom household without the children being aware of it.

For the most part a women trains her man to be respectful and obedient by being her feminine self. Being a mistress wife is not about whips and chains; although there are times when punishment is necessary. A women trains her man by giving him simple commands, by the looks she gives him, and most of all by demanding his respect. The new age male I have often talked about understands this. The new age male wants a wife that is smart, affectionate, and in control of her environment. The new age male is proud, not ashamed, to admit that his wife sits at the head of the table. He takes pride in attending to her daily needs,
both small and large. He is the man that she can count to be there for her. This is a big part of what loving female authority is all about.

As I was writing this posting I wondered out loud to John how many of the readers of this blog were as attentive to their wives as he and our son-in-law.

Mistress

Special Posting for I'm Hers

2011-12-10T09:52:00.000-06:00

Back when I was a young teenager my father worked in what we use to call the business district. Often times I would meet him after work. It would be great fun. He would often take me to one of the places where he went to have a beer and raw oysters with his buddies. He would buy me a sandwich. I didn't like the taste of the oysters. Dad would tell me that raw oysters were an 'acquired' taste. As I grew a little older, tried them a few more times, they began to taste good.

In my mind the 'taste', or if you will the desire for a femdom relationship is a lot like oysters. As young girls we didn't grow up with the idea that obedience was expected from a husband. If anything, we grew up with the idea that women were expected to please their man. Looking out at the world I don't see too many femdom relationships that started with the wife wanting her husband to serve her. If anything, just from reading the blogs, it is the guys who initiate the femdom portion of the relationships. The women, if they agree to it, generally come along kicking and screaming. For the most part the few women who do decide to take the reigns of their marriage do it to please their men.

My introduction to femdom came like a bolt of lighting from the sky. For me a mistress was a women who slept with a married man. Aside from old jokes about hen pecked men, I had no idea there were women in the world that demanded true obedience from their husbands. In my mind any man who allowed himself to be dominated by a women was some how mentally sick. Working with Tara made me realize that male submissive behavior was not sick, but very normal in many men. Some more than others. It also made me realize that a man's need for female control in his daily life goes much deeper than a fetish. It is, in fact, a deep seated need that if denied would leave most submissive men with a vast emptiness in their lives.

Coming to understand that John was not weird for needing female control was a major first step for me. Femdom was not something I wanted. I did not grow up expecting to be my husband's mistress. Nor was I excited about the prospect of having a man slave for me. When John first came home it was almost like one extended session. He slept in the kennel, he crawled from room to room. It was not a lifestyle that any married couple could maintain for long. I don't want John to ask permission every time he needs to use the bathroom. Yes, if we are at the dinner table, I like the idea of a man asking permission to be excused.
Yes, in a restaurant, I expect John to stand if I leave the table, push in my chair, and pull it out when I return.
He will also wear a small collar under his shirt to remind him that he is property of another.

In the beginning, when John first came home, it was me doing things for him. On a fundamental level John needed to understand that I was going to be his mistress, and he was going to serve and obey me. It was still not something I really wanted, except as a way saving the marriage with the man I loved. Through Tara I was introduced to a small group of women in the life style. With the commonality of having slave husbands we bonded. We talked together, we laughed together, and told one other about our relationships.

Each of these women had been in a femdom relationship for at least a couple of years. In most ways these women were proud of their husbands. They would brag about how obedient their guy had been that week, or what a good job he had done cleaning the house. In a very short amount of time, I wanted my John to be as good of a servant for me as their husbands were for them. Just as their husband dropped to the floor, anytime any place, at the snap of the fingers, I wanted John to willingly display the same high level of obedience. In so many ways Liz was my early mentor.

In the blog I have often talked about the trip to New York. That was the trip in which I punished John by having him wear a big, yellow ribbon in his hair. That trip was a watershed in our relationship. That punishment was not for him. It was not to give him a thrill. Wearing the ribbon in front of other males, dealing with the cat calls, and the sneers from other men was a deeply humiliating experience for him. That punishment was for me. It was my way, as a mistress wife to express my extreme displeasure for the way he talked back to me. From that day forward we both understood that a fundamental shift had occurred in our relationship. John understood that he was really a slave who was owned by his wife, and completely subject to her authority. For my part I understood that I liked being the mistress wife. I learned that I liked demanding a high level of respect from my husband. I learned that I liked expecting my man to give me complete and total obedience. Yes, I had acquired the taste.

Mistress

Thought For The Day -Introspection

2011-12-07T09:11:00.000-06:00

Over the years John and I have lived the femdom lifestyle there have been times when I wondered if we were both crazy. We both grew up in very normal families that would be considered vanilla by any standards. Sometimes I wonder how we were really able make the journey from vanilla to living a mistress- slave relationship.

For me the journey from soccer mom to mistress wife has been a learning experience. I have never thought of my self as dominant; confidence yes, but not dominant. With other women I can quite easily be a follower.
As a younger women I was a bit nervous interacting with men in the work place. The experience with John, and with Tara gave me the confidence to deal with men on an equal footing. There have been times when I have thought it would be useful for every young women to have a bit of the dominatrix experience. You see men, naked, as they really are. You see them strip down the mental barriers that separate them from other people. You see them mentally naked as well as physically naked. In the nude these men are not so tough and demanding as they often appear in the business world.

It was only my third or forth day at the studio. I was preparing to meet a gentlemen who had booked time with a mistress. I was going to be the preliminary person who greeted him, took his money, had him strip down, and then had him crawl, hand and knees, into the meeting room with the mistress. Yet, this was going the first time I was to be alone with a guy. I was nervous. The mistress gave me some advice. Just think of the men as little puppies waging their tails to meet you. The advice worked. Ever since I think of submissive men as sweet little puppies

Working in the studio was a learning experience. On my first visit everything, and everyone seemed so strange. It was like a parallel universe existing only a few miles from the suburban neighborhood where John and I lived. The surprising thing was how quickly the 'strange and different' became very normal. At first it was strange to see a man naked on all fours begging for a treat. Then, for some reason, Tara had an old guy friend in the studio to visit. It then seemed so strange and absurd that it actually made me laugh just to see a man parading around the studio wearing normal street clothes. I then learned that the old friend was actually Tara's brother who was in town for a game.

The point of all of this is that once you are into the femdom life style it does seem very normal. Looking ahead,, especially for young women, making the transition to mistress wife in order to please a husband can seem like a monumental challenge.

For all my little puppies reading this blog remember to always greet the lady in your life with a big smile, a sweet kiss, and a waggly tail. Yes, a waggly tail goes a long ways to pleasing almost any women. She may not be the mistress of your dreams, but she is your mistress, and you should always think of her as such. At least once every day you should think of what it is you can to make her happy, to make her life a little brighter, to make her smile. And yes, I will be waiting to hear from each of you what it is you did on this day to please the lady in your life.

Mistress

Special Note For Alex

2011-11-30T07:39:00.000-06:00

Yes, my sweet little puppy, your poetry brightened my day. Yes, when mistress asked for poetry you were the only one to care. Yes, I love red wine. Yes, I wish that you were here to serve me today, to be at my beck and call, to feel you tug at the leash, to have you sit at my feet. Yes, as we grow older, we learn new things. Yes, I have grown to love the pleasure of having a sweet puppy wag his tail for me.

Love, Mistress

The Question

2011-11-23T17:46:00.000-06:00

The question from the last posting was aimed at the guys. How much personal freedom would you be willing to give up?

In the beginning of our femdom relationship John had a very difficult time handling the lack of personal freedom. I knew this was a challenge for him, and in time learned to love him all the more for being willing to sacrifice for me.

It's a complicated issue. Even women who love their husbands very much sometimes wants to see them suffer. The suffering may be minimal. More times than not it is mental rather than physical. We see suffering as a way for a male a to prove him self. I liked the Subservient Husband blog from last week. S-H's wife teased him while wearing the spiked chastity device. It was not a great deal of pain. It was just enough for S-H's wife to have a good time with it. For S-H the slight amount of pain was more than made up for by the attention.

In the beginning much of the relationship John and I shared was about control and punishment. Although my mind had forgiven John for having a relationship with another women, my heart still hurt. Over the years John has shown me that he can be a faithful husband, and has earned a substantial measure of personal freedom. John also understands that his continued freedom depends on staying in my good graces. The idea of having something positive to work for has been motivational for him, and has made him a better, more obedient husband.

To the question of how much freedom would a man be willing to give up I had a typical girly answer in mind.
It does depend on how much a man loves his mistress. Any man who is in love with a women is quite willing to give up a great deal in order to be by her side. Then, I read the comment by Jeminfla. He put is so well, and in a manly type of way that most of you guys can relate to. It depends on the males connection with his mistress. If the connection is firm, if it is constant, a man might be willing to give up quite a bit in the way of freedom. Once again, it all depends on the strength and durability of that connection.

We all know tomorrow is Thanksgiving. That often means football for the guys, and a bunch of extra work for the women. If your wife decides she doesn't like having the television on in the middle of a family celebration, be a gentlemen, turn it off. Remember to help with the clean up. In a femdom house hold it is up to the men to clean up while the women relax. Most of you will not have the courage to tells your wives that you are submissive, but at least offer to do the clean up. For a little while that may give you an idea of what it is like to live in a female led home.

I love you all for reading this blog. The comments are important. Why? The comments are important because they help me connect with the readers. Recently I received an email from a young women who told me that her boy friend announced to her that he was submissive, and wanted to know what I thought of it. Not knowing her guy it was difficult to answer the question. I do truly believe, however, that men with submissive hearts, who want to please, make the best husbands. In my hearts of hearts I want to believe that the day is not too far away when young women will understand the joy of owning a slave husband or simply proud to tell their girl friends how obedient their guy has become.

Love, Mistress

Response to Silver Batavus

2011-11-21T17:23:00.000-06:00

The past couple of weeks have been very busy. For most of last week I was out of town on assignment. Travel is fun unless it is business travel then it really is work.

Some things are difficult to explain. The lifestyle that has evolved for John and I may not be vanilla, but it is not like a visit with a dominatrix or role playing. It is just the way we live. John has chores to do in the house, but I am not constantly bossing him around. I do inspect his work. A man needs to understand that the chores he performs for mistress are important. A really through inspection process helps a man understand the importance of his work to the women he loves.

In the house there are rules to follow. John doesn't ask permission everything he needs to use the bathroom.
However, he also understands that it is not polite to leave the dinner table without permission to be excused, or until mistress gives the signal that dinner is over. There are a number of protocols in our relationship that have that have evolved over the years. There are times when I want John at my feet on the floor. There are also times when I want to cuddle up to him under a warm blanket. John is my man. John is also my provider and my protector. John is a man of value that any women should be proud to call hers.

There are times when John would like to play golf instead of cleaning house. Not everything about being a slave husband is wonderful. It is one of those things where a man needs to learn to take the good with the bad because he understands that overall he needs female authority in his life. John may not like everything about being a slave husband, but he does understand the pain associated with not having a mistress wife in his life.

Does any of this make sense? How many of you who read this blog understand the mental pain associated with not having a strong women to serve?.Yes, a strong women, who demands that you kneel at her feet, and requires your obedience. If given a choice how much personal freedom would you give up to live under the thumb of a mistress wife?

Let me hear you comments, but stay tuned for the second part of this post.

Kathy

Reflections-Understanding Femdom 101

2011-11-14T07:29:00.003-06:00

One of the interesting things about blogging is that the more you blog, the more there is to talk about.
Often times I get busy with work, put the blog out of my mind, and it is very difficult to start over again.
Of course, most women have no interest in following a blog like Femdom 101. I love it when a guy tells me that he sending a link to his wife or to his mistress. The very fact that some men share this blog with the special women in their life tells me that the lifestyle is alive and well, and is growing.

The last posting reminded me of my early experiences with Tara. One of her favorite expressions was 'at least he is not an ax murderer'. In my rage upon learning John had a relationship with another women, it took some time for me to understand what she meant by that expression. Of course, what she meant was that there were a lot worst things in life than discovering that your man was submissive. In my  state of anger this concept was very difficult to appreciate.

When a women first learns that her guy is submissive or that he has misbehaved in some significant way it is important to ask that most fundamental of all questions. 'Do I still love him'? The trouble is that when you are angry with someone it is often very difficult to find the answer to that simple question. After finding the panties in John's gym bag; after finding out that he had a relationship with Tara; it took me a little while to realize that I never stopped loving him. He was still my husband, the father of my children, and once again I wanted him to be mine.

At first there was the anger, the blinding rage, and then there was the phone call. Who was this monster women who had such a strong grip on my man. Then the phone call was answered with a simple little, 'this is Tara, how may I help you'. The voice was not that of a monster. It was in that first conversation that the invitation was given to come visit, come to the studio where my husband had worked as a house boy. Yes, an invitation to come to very place where my husband had paraded around naked, where he had cleaned floors, and where he had drank water from toilets. Of course, back then I didn't know about all of these things. Back then the only things I knew for certain was that there was a relationship, and that this women required him to wear  panties.

One of my first thoughts was something like what type of a sick man likes to wear women's panties?
What type of a sick man pretends to be working overtime when he is really with another women? Of course, up until that time our lives were centered in the most vanilla of suburban worlds. Even the panties got me to thinking strange thoughts. Was Tara really a women, or a man, or some type of transsexual. The panties were not from Victoria Secret, but they were of that type. The panties were frilly, trimmed with lace, and even had that little ribbon in front of them. In a strange type of way it made me angry that John wore prettier underwear than I did. These were the type panties that a young women often wears to stimulate her man.
Was my husband trying to sexually stimulate some other man?

In order to understand this blog, it is important to understand the the rage and anger I felt upon being betrayed. As I make the final review of this posting John is in  front of the desk; toes, knees, and elbows on the floor in what we call Command Position. John has learned to show me, his wife, the proper position of respect of a slave husband to his mistress. We remember Tara and the studio, but rarely speak about those days. There are many parts of the blog that John finds extremely humiliating. This is one of those post.

John, like many of the readers of this blog wonders about his sister. Does she read the blog? Does she know about the frilly little panties that he wears. Does she know about the way he has been trained to drop to the floor anytime, anyplace a female snaps her fingers at him? Will one day his sister give him the look, and snap her fingers in his direction? Does his sister know that there is never a day that we fail to practice this little ritual of subservience.

Love, Kathy

More About Comments

2011-11-11T07:53:00.000-06:00

As everyone knows I love reading the comments. It is really the comments that keeps the blog interesting.
It is always nice to hear from other people who practice the Femdom lifestyle. A males need for female authority in his life is not limited to one country, once race, or one culture.

This morning there was a gentlemen from France who made a comment about the blog. I love French men. I believe they are generally more attentive to women then American men. Most of America grew up from the Anglo, protestant tradition. The part of America that I come from had its roots in the French, Catholic way of life. As a child I was the first generation to learn English as a first language. My grandmother spoke mainly French with a few words of English. So here on this Friday morning is a big hug and kiss for the gentlemen from France who brightened my day.

Someone asked about John's sister. Yes, she knows about the blog, but to the best of my knowledge she has never read it. Femdom is not something women have a natural interest in reading about or understanding.
For most women Femdom only becomes a subject of scrutiny when they learn that a husband is submissive.
Even then most women just want to learn enough to 'play' what they believe is a game. For many couples this is enough.

When a wife comes to the understanding that her husband is a deeply submissive man she has to ask her self several very basic questions. Question one is do I still love him. Question two is can I learn to be the mistress that my husband needs me to be. Question three is can I be happy living as my husband's mistress. Is this a lifestyle that will somehow suit my personalty, or my need for a strong, loving man.

To make the transition form wife to mistress wife more difficult is the problem that the wife doesn't want to talk about Femdom with her family or her friends. Women are more social than men. We work problems out by talking with our girlfriends. In my experience a wife will tell a girl friend about a traditional act of infidelity before telling that same girlfriend that her guy is submissive.

On many occasions a wife may believe that simply ignoring a man's need for authority is the best course of action. She may believe that submission is some kind of a passing fad that will eventually go away. In my experience a man's need for female authority will always be with him. He may suppress it, as John did for many years, but the need to bow down in the face of a strong women will always be a part of his life.

For all my special babies out there I love you for reading my blog, making comments, and being the sweet little puppies that you are. Yes, in many way you are like little puppies. You come in from the yard so hopeful, waging your tail, and looking for a treat from mistress. So here, from mistress, let this posting serve as your treat of the day. If you like the posting, I want to hear something like thank you mistress for my little treat, I will make a special effort to please my wife today.

Mistress

Taking A Break

2011-11-10T22:24:00.001-06:00

Yes, I am taking a bit of a break from the blog. Work has been busy. Spent some time with my daughter.
You know, it has now been three years since I first announced her wedding on Femdom 101.

John's sister does know about the blog, but to the best of my knowledge has never read it. She doesn't really have an interest in Femdom, nor does she care much to understand it.

Love, Kathy

????

2011-11-01T16:21:00.000-05:00

In a way thank all of you for responding to the last posting. However, if it were possible, I would scratch out all the wording about golden showers, or men lapping up water from toilets. This is not what the blog is supposed to be about. Either way what I believe doesn't matter. In a femdom relationship it is up to each individual wife to decide limits. What I do or not do makes no difference.

What I do believe is that most men are the happiest and most content in femdom type relationships where the wife is a firm disciplinarian. What she does, and how she does things does makes no difference as long as they work for her. It doesn't matter if another women approves of what she does or not.

If a women is a firm disciplinarian, and insist on a high level of obedience from her husband, he will learn to respect her authority. In turn she will grow in confidence, and love of the lifestyle.

Saturday Morning

2011-10-31T16:38:00.002-05:00

Thank all of you for the great and interesting comments. No, John as my husband is never required to drink from a toilet bowl, or lick the bottom of my shoes, but I have no doubt that he would do so if ordered.

In the studio men were so conditioned to doing what they were told, they would do almost anything.
If a mistress was in a bad mood, or just wanted to test a guy's limits she might have him do the most disgusting things. From what I observed men generally did what they were instructed to do by Tara and her girls. One of the disgusting practices though, that Tara didn't allow was what they refer to as golden showers. From what I have heard men will request these, and there are places where it is done.

As for the use of dog training methods on a man they tend to work. Please remember that this blog is written for the deeply submissive man in a long term committed relationship. This is the man who has the need to please the women who owns him. This blog is not written about the casual players in femdom who experiment with whips and bondage. Femdom 101 is written about the wonderful guys who want more than anything else to please the female who has agreed to become their mistress and life partner. These are men that need to be owned body and soul.

One of my favourite postings was about my uncle and his hunting dogs. My uncle loved to work his dogs. His dogs loved to be worked, they loved to please. Just as these sweet animals are predisposed to please their owners, submissive men are predisposed to please the women in their life. It is their desire to please the female that makes them good servants, good husbands, and fathers. Just like the hunting dogs these men love to be worked. They love to feel the tug of the leash. Yes, just like my uncle's dogs, men need on going training. If possible, men like the dogs, need to be worked every day to keep their skills sharp. If a man is going to to become the loving, obedient, and well adjusted husband that a women wants, he needs to be trained. In a long term committed relationship this responsibility will generally fall on the wife.

In a post several years ago I mentioned that my uncle knew how to pick the dogs that had the potential to become champions. A few weeks ago I did the posting about basic training. In my opinion one of the first things any man needs to learn is stay and fetch. When he has mastered these commands, he should be moved on to heeling. However, even training in these basic skills needs to be constantly reinforced. The retention level of a male may be a slightly longer than a dog, but it is still relatively short.

Even ten minutes a day to work a man; stay, come and heel is beneficial. This type of training, along with snapping the fingers, is a way of reminding the husband that the wife is the boss in the family. The submissive husband not only needs this reminder, but craves it. If he doesn't get this daily dose of a reminder he will act out or test the authority limits of his mistress.

At Tara and company John acquired the foundation to become a slave husband. From the start he learned to keep his ego in check. John learned that an instant response was required to any instruction given by a female, and there was never to be any talking back. Working at the studio John became accustomed to taking orders from women. Some of these women were only a year or two older than his daughter, but at the studio age didn't matter. At the studio middle age men or older were expected to take orders from young women of twenty or so without grumbling, without making a fuss. No matter what the age, a female was considered a women, and a male was considered a boy. At first it struck me as funny to hear middle age men addressing these girls as ma'am. After a very short time it seamed completely normal.

At the studio John learned to stay and wait for the female, he learned to fetch when required, and finally he learned to heel. Once a man learns these basics skills he can advance to cleaning house, laundry,
and other domestic services. Although I have frequently compared the training of a man to that of my uncle's hunting dogs, the love of a man is certainly very different than the affection I have for our pets. In some ways men are easier to train then dogs, in other way they are more difficult. Of course, men are much more complex and have a much more sophisticated set of needs than an animal. Either way make no mistake about it, John is my man, and I love him to death. Also, as John is well aware, while I love him, I expect the same type of respect and immediate response to commands as he once rendred to Tara.
From the start this was part of my requirement for making the journey from soocer mom to mistress wife.

When a young women learns that her husband is submissive there are really only two choices. She can discard him, or learn to be his mistress. In my opinion there are few things sadder than a truly submissive man living a lifestyle that requires him to suppress his innate need for female authority. Not all women can learn to be a man's mistress, but many can. In general I believe that the younger women of today are better equipped to exercise authority within the bounds of a relationship than their mothers. Younger women are better educated, and generally more open to ideas and different ways of life. In the work place many young women already hold positions of authority that requires them to supervise male subordinates. Most young men of today think nothing of having a female boss in the work place. It is only natural that some of these women will feel it is completely natural for them to extend their supervisory role from the work place to the home.

When I learned that John, my husband of many years was naturally submissive, I had to look deep into my soul. Yes, to be a happy, well adjusted husband John needed the firm discipline of a female mistress in everyday life. The question for me was could I learn to be that mistress. Could I learn to like living the life of John's wife as well as his mistress. It takes courage. It takes love. It is not an easy thing to put a collar on your man for the first time. This is one of the things guys do not understand. Learning to be a man's mistress is a journey. It is often a difficult journey. A women needs friends, a support group to help show her the way.

One of the ideas of Femdom 101 is that if at all possible a wife should not automatically discard a husband just because he is submissive. With proper training submissive men can make wonderfully loving husbands and fathers.When properly trained they can also make sweet help mates, servants, domestic aids, or whatever the wife may want them to be. For the right women a well trained, obedient man is a gift from God.

For the males who read this blog how many of you would have the courage to live the life of a slave husband?

Mistress

A Quick Note

2011-10-28T07:32:00.002-05:00

Don't ever feel sorry for a male who has been ordered to crawl on all fours in front of his wife's friend.
Any women who has had experience with submissive guys is very well aware that they love crawling. My only recommendation is to put a leash on them so that they feel the authority of the mistress. This is good training for a man. By getting them accustomed to responding to each tug of the leash, the male becomes accustomed to obeying each and every command from his mistress.

What I object to is the practices that went on in the studio where men were ordered to crawl to a toilet, and sip water out of the bowl. In my opinion this is a disgusting practice, but men do it. In these situations I don't blame the males, because they have been so conditioned to obeying female authority they will do almost anything a women tells them. It is the fault of the women. When a women has power over a man it is her responsibility to use it properly.

In the same manner a soldier becomes conditioned to obeying his superior officers, a man generally becomes conditioned to obeying his wife. Not to obey, not to do as told becomes an abnormal situation for a well trained husband. What I have found working with John is that the use of tools like the leash, the kennel, and snapping of the fingers are all effective training tools.

A Funny Thing 'follow up'

2011-10-27T17:03:00.000-05:00

Every time I talk with a women who is in a femdom relationship I learn something new.
To start with the entire idea of a husband kept in a chastity device is new to me. From what I can see it has only been in the recent past that these appliances have become popular.

Most of the guys who blog talk at length about long term chastity. Karen uses her device in a very different manner. It is part of what she calls 'male management'. If she is pleased with Jeff, or is just in the right mood, she will release him at the end of the day. On the day of our visit Jeff was a wonderful servant. He was quite, did his job, and was almost invisible. After Karen's other friend left, she called Jeff into the living room. Karen snapped her fingers bringing Jeff to the floor. She then complimented him on what a good serving boy he had been all evening.

While Jeff was down on the floor she asked him if he would like to kiss Miss Kathy's feet. When Jeff answered 'Yes Mistress' in the affirmative, she had him crawl to my side of the room. She told him this was part of his reward for being a good servant. She had asked me first if it would be 'Ok'. She also told him that when she returned from driving me to the hotel, his chastity device would be removed for the night. Jeff's face lit up with a big grin when he heard those words.

On the way back to the hotel Karen told me she likes to take off the device as much as she likes to put it in place. She told me 'Jeff goes wild' when it comes off. On the other hand when she wants to punish Jeff for whatever reason, she only has to tell him that the his little soldier will not be allowed a 'stiffy'.
Once, to tease Jeff she told him that she couldn't find the key. We both laughed. I wonder how many women love to play that 'lost the key' game with their spouse.

Kathy

A Funny Thing ....

2011-10-24T07:45:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember the play called 'A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to The Forum'.

Well, for my friend Karen a funny thing happened on the way to using a chastity device with Jeff. It was during our summer visit that Karen told me about it.

It was her friend who encouraged Karen to use some type of chastity device on Jeff. When the device arrived Karen inspected it, examined all the parts, and was ready for installation. She had Jeff naked with his hands behind his head. The problem was that the sight of the device produced a 'stiffy'. With the 'stiffy' there was no way to slide the device on to her guy.

The sight of the 'stiffy' got Karen to laughing over her little problem. Her first thought was to give Jeff a quick release which would solve the problem. Then, she thought, no way. She put in a quick call to her friend, who also enjoyed a good laugh, but offered another solution. She suggested that Karen rub an ice cube over Jeff's 'stiffy'. In no time it worked, and Jeff was then for the first time in his life, the proud wearer of a chastity appliance.

Yes, necessity is the mother of invention.

Kathy

Women Still Want A Husband

2011-10-21T08:43:00.001-05:00

It is such an important comment I will repeat it. Yes, as All Hers says women still want a husband.
When John came home I wanted him back in my life and in my bed. However, something told me that it was best if he earned the privilege. Above all I wanted John to understand that even though he was back into the house, sleeping in my bed was now a privilege.

The kennel worked for a short time as kind of a half way place between total exclusion and being fully accepted as a husband. However, if you have read the blog, you know that every night I cried after locking John in the kennel. Having said that the kennel was a remarkably effective training tool. Back them we didn't know about chastity devices, or little electric rings that can give a man a shock with just a press of a button. It is easy for me to see how these thing can give a women a remarkable degree of power over a man.

In some ways I was still disgusted with John. Working at the studio I witnessed first hand the humiliating things these men did at a women's command. I will never forgot the first time I saw a grown man drinking water from a toilet bowl, or watched a man put his rear end up in the air for a whipping.
It disgusted me to think that John was one of these men.

Although John was back in the house there was something in me that said John should to be punished for his acts of infidelity. However, he was still my man, and I wanted back in my life as a husband.

Kathy

Comments The Well Trained Husband

2011-10-20T08:04:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. With every passing year of our femdom marriage, both John and I am come to believe more and more that female authority in a relationship is very natural.

At the end of day we continue to have our special conversation. The relationship is so intimate that John could not lie to me even if he wanted to. If John sees a pretty girl in a short skirt that made him turn his head, he tells me about it.

As All Hers says femdom is so very natural. When Mr. Liza says that femdom completes me it almost brought a tear to my eye. That is what most women want from a relationship The idea that the relationship some how makes her man complete is very romantic.

Love all of your for reading and making comments.

Mistress

The Well Trained Husband - Continued

2011-10-19T09:17:00.002-05:00

For a newcomer to the femdom lifestyle it must be terribly difficult to understand the benefits to the male. Like the little puppy who made the recent comment, he gave up football for ballet. He does everything according to his wife's wishes. Yet, if you asked these men if they had the chance, would they go back to their old life, the answer is probably no.

The other side of the coin is that many of these men don't have the opportunity of going back to the life they had before femdom. John is one of these men. When I agreed to become his mistress, and start on the road to femdom, it was made clear to him that this was going to be a one way trip. The financial assets were put in my name, a separate property agreement was made, and John was made to understand that his only exit from femdom was to leave me. From the start of our femdom relationship I used the slave word. On many occasions I asked John if he really wanted to be my slave. The answer was always, yes mistress, I want to be your slave. Then I would ask John to repeat those words. In the back of my mind I knew it took a certain amount of courage for any man to utter those words to his wife.

The introduction John and I had to femdom was almost like a shotgun marriage. One of the things I clearly understood was that John was not only very submissive, but had a strong need for female authority in his everyday life. Tara and her girls told me that John was a sweet man, and would make a good slave husband. I though how humiliating, but than realized that humiliating or not, being a slave husband was the way he needed to live. The question than became could I be happy living as a mistress, or as the wife of a slave husband. The experience with Tara taught me that this was something I could try.

In a general way there was a number of personal issues to work out. As a wife I saw the relationship with Tara as an act of infidelity. I also understood that she was giving John something he needed that he was not getting at home. From the very start, from the first first visit there was something that captivated me about Tara, and the way she lived. In Tara's world males were there to serve and please, wait on and wait for the female. They would give up football games to clean her toilets, yet they appeared not to mind doing it. In Tara's wold simply being allowed to clean toilets and floors was considered a privilege.

For all the sweet boys that read this blog I have a question. How many of you would have have the courage to say those words that John said to me. How many of you could gather up all your strength to say to those simple words to your wife, 'I want to be your slave'.?? When you are in a room by yourself, practice saying those words out loud, and let me know how it feels. Then imagine actually saying those words out loud to your wife.

Mistress

The Well Trained Husband

2011-10-17T10:12:00.004-05:00

Once again thank all of you for the great comments.

I get so many comments and emails implying that John and men like him must be miserable creatures.
What I believe is that men like John who are well trained, disciplined, and leashed are some of the happiest husbands in the community. Men like John have this inner need to serve the female. When that need is not being addressed, they feel something is missing form their lives.

The question was asked about the amount of freedom John is allowed. In the past year John has been allowed to attend football matches with his boy friends. On one occasion he was allowed to travel out of town for a match. This was allowed because I knew the boyfriend he was going with, as well as his wife. On another occasion he was denied permission for an over night hunting trip. Also, John plays golf several times a month.

One of the rules I have been fairly firm with is that John is not allowed 'out' in the evening after dark.
For the most part I believe that this is the time of day when unaccompanied males have a way of finding trouble. If for some reason John is left alone in the evening, I put the alarm on. There is a code which he does not have. If the doors or windows are opened without the code, the alarm company calls my cell phone. On the other hand if smoothing comes up that he needs to leave the house, he can call for permission.

For the most part when John is left along in the house there is some job for him to do. It may not take up all of the time that I am out, but part of my philosophy of male management is that a husband should not have too much free time. My pet peeve is all the men that say they spend so much time serving their wives, but seem to have a bunch of time to play on the computer.

My other pet peeve is men who pretend to obey their wives, yet try to get away with things. There was a comment on the last posting by a young man who tried to get away with things when his wife was not watching. This young man thought nothing of lying to his wife. This is something that no women should take for granted. Lying to a mistress wife, or playing on the computer without permission is an act of infidelity.

One of my favorite blogs is the one by S-H. By the way he writes I tell he is a sweetheart that any women would appreciate. Yet, like a lot of guys he was constantly on the computer. A few months ago I was pleased when his wife reduced the amount of time he had to play. The computer is like a virus to a lot of men. It is virtual porn at the click of a button. With a click of a button men can view images that few women would tolerate in their homes. The browser of a husband's computer should always be open to the room where a wife can quickly take a look at what her guy is viewing. There should also be tracking software.

Thank all of you who have taken the time to make comments. What I never like to do is give advice.
This blog is about my life with one man. Even the women in my little group don't usually agree with me.
For one thing my friends believe in the benefit of an over the knee spanking every so often. While this is smoothing that may have its benefits, it is not something that I want to do.

In my heart there is a special place for men who need female authority in their lives. There is also a special type of respect for the young women of today who are willing to take on the responsibility of managing their relationships. This often takes a special type of courage that guys just don't 'get'.
Young women like Karen should treated like heroes. One by one they are giving their men what they need, and learning to be the leaders in society. One day the idea of femdom or the mistress wife may be socially acceptable, but for now it is a brave new world.

Love, Kathy

Note For Lady Gray

2011-10-15T08:54:00.000-05:00

Thank you for comment. Yes, I do believe that submissive men should be given the opportunity to run free every so often. How free, I don't know. It depends on the man, and on the tolerance of the mistress.
Some men can be kept under voice control while they are allowed off the leash. In the early part of our femdom relationship John was allowed very few opportunities to run free. For all practical purposes it was like he was kept on a choke collar.

In the beginning of our femdom relationship I lacked the self confidence to give him very much freedom.
When you are lacking in confidence a man can feel it. This is a part of what happened to Karen in the early part of her relationship with Jeff. He was rebellious, and at times disrespectful. When I spoke with Jeff in private he came out and told me that he could sense Karen was insecure as a mistress. As a result of this perceived insecurity he was constantly wanting to test her.

When John was first allowed back into the hose he slept in the kennel. This was partly due to the idea that on his first weeks back he should not be given the run of the house. Yes, although back in the house, John had to earn its total freedom. In a way John had to prove to me that he knew how to respect the furniture and not pee on the floor. Yes, I wanted John in my bed, but wanted him to do more to earn the privilege. However, on the other side of the issue, this mistress wife thing was new to me. There were many times when I simply didn't know what to do. In general, I erred in favor of tighter controls, and more discipline.

Once again, the amount of freedom depends on the man. Is he a good husband? Is he doing his best to please you? If the answer to these things is yes, there is nothing wrong with allowing him off the leash.
Try it a few times. If he comes back when you call, let him go a little further next time. Of course,
always know whose flowers he is sniffing. He also needs to understand that if you need to go looking for him at the end of the day, it is back on the leash.

For a man in a FLM freedom like computer time is a privilege. Both need to be earned.

Kathy

Thoughts For The Day

2011-10-11T09:15:00.001-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. In my opinion any relationship that involves the male submitting to the authority of a female is femdom. What I believe is that there are degrees of femdom. On the lighter side, many of these femdom types of relationships are part of the vanilla world. This is increasingly so as more and more couples accept the femdom concept as a guide to everyday life. Femdom need not involve whips, chains, or physical punishment. On the heavier side femdom may include doses of BDSM.

From doing this blog there is one thing I know for certain. The idea of a man living under the authority of a female creates very strong emotions in some people. There have been some very hateful comments that were never published.

For any women, who grew up in a vanilla type of house hold, learning to become a man's mistress is a challenge. Most of the blogs are written by the guys, and many of them don't seem to have a clue how difficult it is for a wife to understand what it is that her husband really needs. Also, for most of the women it is a journey that they make without the help of family or friends. In a way I was fortunate to have had Tara, and the small group of women whom she introduced me to.

Over the last several weeks I have written about the visit with Karen and her friend. We talked a great deal that evening. We took the liberty of asking one another a few questions. One of the questions Karen's friend asked me was in looking backward was there anything that I did wrong. At that moment I was not quite sure how to put my thoughts into word.

The mistress wife is many things to a man. In a way she is a mixture of the traditional loving wife, who cares deeply abort her husband and family, and the dominatrix who is willing to give orders and punish.
There many times when she needs to be the loving wife. There are other times when she needs to be the aggressive bitch with a whip. The modern women needs to have a sense of which part of her personalty needs to come out at the proper time.

In the early years of our femdom relationship I was more of the aggressive bitch than the loving wife.
The rules John lived by were very harsh. There was very little bending. Any violation of a rule met with punishment. It would be hard for me to count the hours John spent on his knees in the corner. The extra work was often enough to exhaust every bone in his body. Once I gave John the red stick punishment for not making the bed correctly. When he came back in the house two hours later; tired, sweaty, and dirty, I had him take a shower and start the house work over again. When it was all done, I lectured him on the proper way to serve a mistress, and sent him to bed.

The question than becomes what is it that I want from John. Yes, after being is this relationship for several years I still want his love. Yes, I want his respect and his obedience. The short answer is that I want John to love me as a wife, yet respect me as a mistress. Being a mistress wife sometimes means bending the rules. It means knowing when to cradle your man, when to hold him tight, and often when to give him freedom to run free and jump the fence. From time to time even submissive men need their sense of being away from the authority of the mistress.

Love, Kathy

Comment For Jeninfla

2011-10-05T07:51:00.001-05:00

That was a very interesting comment. There are different levels of femdom. At some level it is more play than real. On the other hand there are situations with life time relationships where the male truly gives us his freedom to be become the property of his wife. Some people may laugh at this suggestion, but it takes a great deal of both courage and maturity for a man to really give up his freedom. It is not something for the 20 plus year old. Yes, as I have said on this blog many times, I like being my man's mistress.

Kathy

For Anonymous

2011-10-04T18:59:00.002-05:00

Thank you for the comment. Let me ask you a question. What women wants to live as a Princess?
A mistress wife is not the same as a princess who never works in the house. I do cooking, and a fair amount of housework. Yes, John does clean on Saturday and has chores to do during the week. Of the two of us John does more of the housework than I do, but it may surprise many of you to know that I do my fair share. Few things bother me more than when a man wants to treat his wife as a princess.

A mistress wife lives in the real world. There are things that need to be done, and a life to live..

Also, for Anonymous, who asked about Around Your Finger, I try not to give advice, except for one or two things. For women never stop loving you man. For the guys always remember that your wife may not always be right, but she is your mistress, and you should always strive to obey her. Never question , or ask her motives. The key to a good femdom relationship is often learning to say 'yes ma'am'.

Any comments?

Mistress

For Sandra

2011-10-03T08:07:00.000-05:00

Once again thank you for choosing Femdom 101 as a place to make your comments.

The young women of today need to learn how to rejoice in their femininity. One way to do this is to accept the gift of submission from a man who loves them. Mistress wives are not bitches always looking for ways to punish a man. Quite to the contrary we love our men, and want to be proud of them. Yes, as Sandra said in her comment, a man on his knees is a beautiful site.

When I talk about the new age male, I am talking about the man who is not ashamed to be the servant of his wife. He is not ashamed to 'do as told', take orders from her, or carry her purse. The new age male understands that it is his privilege to have been selected to serve. He understands that it is his natural place in the universe.

Love, Kathy

Note For Alex

2011-10-02T17:15:00.002-05:00

Once again a big thank you to Sandra for choosing Femdom 101 as the blog to make comments.
Alex has been one of the best contributors to the blog. However, in a way I need to take him to task.

In this blog I have never said that women are superior or smarter than men. What I have said is that
many men have a very special innate need for female authority in their life. From where that need comes we don't know. We just know it is there.

What I believe is that a man may have a super high IQ, and still need female control in his daily life.
Femdom 101 is not about women taking advantage of men. It's really about giving submissive men
the love and guidance that they need to be happy, successful fathers and husbands.

There are other types of female led relationships. Femdom 101 is about couples in long term committed relationships. In is about women who love their men enough to have the energy and time to train them, to mold them to be the husband that he wants to become.

A man kneels at the feet of his mistress not because she is smarter or superior. He kneels there because he knows that for him it is his most natural place in the universe.

My John is a very smart man. In the presence of other men his is a leader. In the presence of women he bows his head. With me he is a slave. My husband, my slave is a man whom I am proud of.

Mistress

Comment for Dan

2011-10-01T13:43:00.000-05:00

Femdom is not for everyone. You may have read some of the very hateful comments. There are people in the world who react violently to the idea of a man living under the authority of a women. Besides, do you thing I want office talk about my husband being the John of the blog. I have already given much more information about myself than was originally intended.

You may remember the posting titled 'The Intimacy of the Internet". For a time I considered ending the blog.

Kathy

Note For Alex Chastity Devices

2011-09-29T09:38:00.000-05:00

For lack of personal experience I have not talked very much about chastity devices. Like you, I though of these types of devices as a cruel left over from the middle ages. Then, I realized it was mainly the guys who wanted to wear them.

What I have come to realize is that the modern, light weight devices are reasonably comfortable for the normal size male to wear. Women, like Karen, and her friend use these devices not be cruel, but as an effective male management tool. The device not only keeps a man's attention focused on his wife and family, it strengthens his desire to be a good husband.

It was during my last visit, Karen gave ma a special gift. After church on that Sunday, she dropped Jeff and I off at a coffee shop. She told me that I could have Jeff to talk with for as long as I wanted. It was really our first time to talk on a one on one basis. The evening before Jeff was a servant, almost invisible, as he went about his duties. On my first visit with Karen, Jeff waited outside the restaurant while we had dinner.

On a one or one basis Jeff is a delightful young man, who has been well trained by his mistress. When we took a table he held the chair our for me, he didn't sit until given a signal, and asked to be excused when he needed to use the restroom. One of the things we talked about was the chastity device. This, he told me made a huge difference in the relationship with Karen. Before wearing the device he was rebellious at times, masturbated whenever he had the opportunity, and didn't have the focus needed to be a good husband for Karen.

One of the more personal things Jeff told me is that the chastity device operates as kind of a mind control mechanism. In the past he would day dream about women and sex, which would bring on a
'stiffy' as Karen likes to call it. With the device, a 'stiffy' is more or less uncomfortable. As a result he thinks less about sex, and more about his duties at work. In this way Karen uses the device not only to control his actual releases, but also keep his mental functions where they should be.

One of my concerns has always been the health effect of long term chastity. For the most part Jeff tells me Karen does not require him to sleep in the device. When they are not together, she likes him to wear it. Jeff tells me she likes the idea that his equipment is safely locked up when they are apart.
In Karen's opinion Jeff tells me there is no need for him to ever have a 'stiffy' when she is not present.

Mistress

Once Again Sandra Says It Best

2011-09-28T21:21:00.000-05:00

Once again Mistress Sandra says it best!!! Once again, for all of you sweet things who like to read this blog, please take a moment to thank Mistress Santra for taking the trouble to make a comment.

Note For Sharon

2011-09-28T11:56:00.001-05:00

Sweetie, thank you for the comment.

Over the years I have resisted the idea of allowing John to wear skirts in the house. In my mind it looked ridiculous for a man with hairy legs to dress up in skirts. What I discovered was his desire for women's things did not go away. You know, once I got used to it, these little skirts don't look bad on him.

Love, Kathy

Question?

2011-09-28T11:30:00.000-05:00

Is there such a thing as the New Age Male? If there is such as thing as the New Age Male, what are the traits that make up the so called new age male.

A few weeks back I read the Subservient-Husband blog. In it, S-H talked about some of the more feminine traits that he had more or less recently acquired. As I recall he liked the idea of having his toe nails polished. John likes to wear pretty panties, and skirts. In the privacy of our house he likes to wear a hair ribbon. Yet, John still likes to watch football, talk sports, and drink beer.

Even my son, who to the best of my acknowledge, is not submissive often displays traits that in the past would have been described as feminine. Often, I wonder if this softer, more feminine side of the male personalty has always been there, but kept hidden. Is it simply that modern society is giving the guys the freedom to express themselves?

And yes, what about the New Age Women? My friend Karen, who is a very sweet young lady, has no problem in showing off the whip she uses on her husband.

Love

The New Age Male-Who Is He? What Is He?

2011-09-28T07:22:00.001-05:00

People will sometimes say it is not polite to describe a man as beautiful. Well, when I see a young,
well built man like Karen's husband, beautiful is the word that comes to my mind. Some other people might use words such as buff, muscular, athletic or handsome to describe Jeff. He is what most people would describe as a man's man. Jeff also wears a chastity device, and is obedient to his wife.

In many ways Jeff is the epitome of what the new age male is all about. The new age male exercises, believes in keeping his body in good shape, and is not afraid of admitting that his wife is head of house. Jeff understands that his place in the relationship is to serve, and to do as told. To be the humble servant of his wife is not something Jeff is ashamed of. To the contrary it is something that he takes pride in. He understands that to be shown off to his wife's friends is an honor that few men will every have the opportunity to appreciate.

There is one other very basic tenant in the relationship that Karen and Jeff share. Jeff understands that as a mistress wife Karen has both the right and the duty to control his releases. He understands that this control makes him a better submissive husband. Karen tells me that the chastity device keeps the focus of Jeff's attention on her. She keeps the key on a chain that she wears around her neck. In the event the key is ever lost, her sister keeps a duplicate. In the event that Karen is out of town, and emergency of some type should arise, the sister would be authorized to remove the lock. Up until the present that has not happened.

In some ways I like to think of myself as Karen's mentor. It was, however, her friend from the college group that introduced her to the chastity device. Jeff had been asking for one. Karen will admit that she was completely turned off by the idea of Jeff wearing a device. She though of it as a sick idea that had more to do with Jeff's idea of fantasy play than reality. When Karen's friend announced that her husband wore a chastity device, her mouth dropped open. This friend offered her husband as something of a mentor to Jeff, and encouraged Karen to try chastity. This friend told Karen that a device can and usually will make a difference in a man's attitude.

Karen's friend explained that for the submissive male a chastity device is the ultimate in control. These men not only like the idea of a wife having this type of control, they actually crave it. The New Age Male, Karen's friend explained wants to feel the tug of the leash in his everyday activities. He needs to know that the wife is in control of his life as well of his children.

Is there such a thing as the new age male? If so, what are his characteristics? How is he different than his father in the way he treats women? Do the young men of today really have more respect for female authority than there parent's generation, or is femdom just a popular kink? Is long term chastity a realistic way of life for the young men of today?

Love, Kathy

Taking A Break

2011-09-12T18:19:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. My new assignment has been keeping me busy.

Hope to start blogging soon.

Love you all for reading.

Mistress

Culture Shock

2011-08-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

Going back to work last week was such a challenge that it could only be described as culture shock.
Gone was the luxurious mornings of sleeping late, and then having a leisurely cup of coffee. No more long lunches with friends, and very little time for shopping. Yes, for me once again it is the life of a working girl.

Along with going back to work, new assignments, and all, it is time to take a break from blogging.
Thank all of you for reading, and for taking the trouble to share your thoughts. This week work will take me to the D.C. area. John will come for the ride. It will give us time to visit with our son. It will also give them time to connect through their favorite fall tradition, American style football. Also, it will give John a change to stomp over some of his favorite civil war battlefields. I have never understood why men like exploring century old battlefields when there are shopping malls close at hand.

Love you all for reading. For you married gentlemen remember those two words that normally lead to a successful marriage. You all know what they are;.. 'Yes Dear'. If you are in a femdom relationship,
'Yes Mistress'. It would very much please me if next time I look at the web site there were some sweet lines of poetry. Poetry written just for me is my favorite. For me poetry is like flowers for the soul.

Love, Kathy

An Evening Of Girl Talk - A Question

2011-08-21T14:27:00.002-05:00

If there is one thing I have discovered it doesn't take very long for three women who are in femdom relationships to find something to talk about.

Karen had planed the evening so that the three would have dinner, dessert, and coffee. Karen's friend had to leave a bit early because she had a ways to drive that evening. As we sat at the dinner table, Karen pressed the bottom on Jeff's buzzer. It was his signal to start serving. Once the main course was served, Jeff no longer entered the dining room unless buzzed. When it was time to pick up dishes, Karen buzzed him. Jeff was not only attentive, but very well trained in the fine are of setting a table.

Somewhere toward the end of dinner Karen's friend made the comment that every young man should be taught the proper way to set a table. It is a mark of refinement. I agreed with her. In our conversation I asked a question. What 'I asked is the best thing about a femdom marriage for the wife'. Without a second though she said intimacy, and then laughingly added knowing you will never need to clean a toilet again.

We talked a while about intimacy and about our lives. Then she said, 'Kathy, may I ask you a question'. Looking back on things was there ever a single event or happening that for the first time made you truly feel like you were John's mistress. The question caught me a little off guard because it was something I really haven't thought about. Them, I realized it was on the trip to New York.
There was something about making John parade around all day with a big yellow ribbon in his hair that made the relationship feel a little different.

As dinner went on we talked more about the incident in New York. A part of it was that John didn't want to wear the ribbon, but did so because he was ordered to do it. For John wearing the ribbon was real punishment. Except for the fact that I was mad, I would not have humiliated him in that fashion.
The end result, however, was that John accepted the punishment as it was dictated to him.On that day John was taught a valuable lesson. We may be out having fun as a couple, but mistress is still the Mistress. She is always to be respected as well as obeyed.

Thoughts for a Sunday afternoon. This past week or two the response to the blog has been wonderful.
I will not be posting for the next few days. However, I have a little assignment. For each of you sweet men who like to read this blog, I want you to do something special for your wife or girlfriend.Then, I want you to tell me what special little treat you did for her, and tell me about her reaction.

Love you all for reading.

Mistress

The Studio And Other Thoughts Of The Day

2011-08-19T12:20:00.001-05:00

For those of you who have read the blog know that I worked for a short time at a dominatrix studio.
The head mistress, Tara, spoon fed me the type of clients she thought I would do well with. These were often times men like my John who had a need to serve, and explore their submissive side.

A couple of years ago I posted about an older man that came into the studio. He was not into bondage, or corporal discipline of any type, he just wanted to kneel at the feet of a women. All of his life he had fantasied about kneeling naked at the feet of a lady, and being allowed to kiss her feet. Even more than that he had a desire to tell some one of his need for submission. This was the deep, dark secret of his life. Even his wife of over forty plus years had no idea of his submissive needs.

We spent some time talking. I then let him take off my shoes one at a time. I then gave him permission to kiss each of my feet, and then let him suck on my toes. This older man actually broke down and cried. I wanted so much to cradle him in my arms. I wanted to kiss him on the cheek and tell him that mistress understood. Then, it occurred to me that there are so many poor men like this sweet baby.

As the femdom relationship with John grew, I started to make comments on several of the blogs. It was when I thought about this older man, and his need for loving female dominance, I realized it was time to tell my story. This blog is for all the men who want so badly to be accepted for what they are.
This blog is for all the men that are struggling with their need for loving female authority.
It is also for the women who love these men.

In response to the last posting someone asked me to explain male submission. I can't explain it. I don't know the why of it. However, I know it is there, and for certain man it is a driving force in their lives.
If Femdom 101 has been a help for some of these couples that is all I can ask for. Upwards of 1500 people read this blog every day. That is much more than I ever imagined when the blog was started. Even in today's world there are sill men out there that so embarrassed that someone will find out they are submissive that they are afraid to comment. Likewise, most women are embarrassed to admit that they have a spouse who is submissive. Women, like men, are afraid of society's wrath for a having a submissive in the closet.

The truth is I hate most of the femdom type blogs on the Internet. A femdom relationship is a beautiful, intimate lifestyle between a man and a women. So many of the blogs make it look like a
sick type of thing with women wearing leather and beating a man with a whip, or playing with his little soldier. The pictures make me sick. There is a place for punishment in the female led lifestyle, but punishment is not the central feature. It is not something that happens every day. For a well trained and obedient husband punishment should be rare. In any femdom relationship men will sometimes do these wrong. When a husband does something that displease his wife there is a place for punishment. This is part of the interaction in living together as a couple. The one thing I will never accept from my husband is willful disobedience.

Love, Mistress

Once Again, Sandra Says It Best

2011-08-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. Many of them touched a special place in my heart. I believe it was Ric who said that every day he tries to be a better slave for his wife. This should be the goal of every man in a femdom relationship. No, it doesn't always work, but everyday Ric tries his best to be the husband, the devoted slave that his wife deserves.

I would encourage everyone to read the comment by Sandra. Once again, her writing captures the essence of what a loving femdom relatiosnship is all about. From time to time I like to give assignments to the men that read this blog. Today's assignment is to read Mistress Sandra's comment, and thank her for taking the trouble to do this beautiful posting.

The comments should be addressed to Mistress Sandra. You are to tell her what you think of her posting in the comment section, tell her a little about yourself, and thank her for the excellent contributon to this blog.

Mistress

Sandra Says It Best

2011-08-17T08:37:00.001-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. The femdom lifestyle is not for everyone. It is not for most people. However, for a small, but growing percentage of the population it is the way men and women are now choosing to live. For many men the idea of surrender to a female authority figure is very natural. They want and need to be collared by a women who loves them. How far will this lifestyle spread I do not know. What I have realized is that a fairly large percentage of the male population has some need for female authority in their life.

Does the femdom lifestyle go against some type of religious doctrine. I don't thing so. Yes, Jesus was a man, and I know what the bible said. However, the bible was a product of its time. If Jesus had chosen to come to earth at the end of the 21st century he might have chosen to appear as a women. Who knows. For those of you who believe something different I am not saying you are wrong. What I am saying is that my way of thinking is different. What I do know is that when I look at my husband, I see a man who is content with his place in life. I see a man who experiences the joy of pleasing a mistress day in and day out. Many of the men who read this blog would love to be in his shoes.

Their are a number of negative comments about a man kissing his wife's feet. Kissing a wife's feet is an act of respect as well as love. It is also a reward given by a women who is pleased with her man. Most submissive men consider it an honor to be allowed to kiss the foot of a mistress.

As usual Sandra's comment put it best. She is a very wise lady who understands her man. She has also learned to appreciate the feminine joy of having a man submit to her. I would encourage her to start her own blog. Once again, a special thank you to Sandra for her eloquent writing in defense of femdom. I would encourage everyone who follows this blog to read her comment. For many couples I believe Sandra's comment it is a very good place to start a conversation about femdom.

Kathy

Comment For The Butler

2011-08-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

There is nothing sissy about a strong man kneeling at the feet of his wife. In fact, quite the opposite.

It often takes a strong man to have the courage to do what his heart tells him.

Thoughts on a Tuesday morning.

Kathy

Special Note For Sissy Jennifer

2011-08-15T18:09:00.000-05:00

Well, my little sissy. You have been reading the blog. It is about time you participate.

The same is true for you other little sissy boys who read the blog. If you like the blog and want it to

continue it is time to participate.

The same is true for you big strong guys who like to kneel at the feet of your wives. You need to make

comments.

For those of you who are in femdom relationships I want to hear how it got started. How does your

wife feel about having a sissy as a husband. I don't much care about what color panties you wear.

What I want to know about is the relationship with your Mistress.

It was just this morning that I was thinking about my little pets who used to write pretty poems for me.

Are they still there?

All of you need to know that Mistress will be going back to work next week. Yes, blogging will fall

off. Then, I wonder about Sassy Pants. Does he still read the blog?

If you want the blog to continue ask your wife's permission to make comments.

Love, Mistress

A Little Girl Talk, Chardonnay, And A Polite Curtsy

2011-08-15T15:17:00.002-05:00

I am not exactly sure about the title of this posting, but it has a cute ring.

At the apartment Karen's friend was sitting waiting for us. There was a quick, 'have you been here long' type question, with a 'no, just a few minutes' reply. Karen quickly introduced us. Then, Karen's friend uttered those words that made me like her from the start. "Kathy, I love your blog, I read every posting'.'Thank you' I replied, 'it is always nice to know that someone is reading .'

We spent a couple of minutes becoming acquainted. As it turns out Karen's college friend was from the extended university community, but was not a student. She and her husband both have jobs in the vicinity of Karen's college. They had been married for about ten years, had three children, when the husband made the announcement that he was submissive. This lady said that the only thing that could have been worse was if he was gay, and was leaving her for another man.

After a quick minute or two of introductions, Karen said she wanted to bring Jeff in to say hello. She pressed a button which rang a buzzer in the kitchen. Jeff came out immediately. Jeff did a polite welcome curtsy, gave me a big hello smile, and welcomed me to their apartment. He was very sweet. He called me Mistress Kathy. I proceeded to give him a little peck on the cheek, called him baby, and thanked him for the very nice welcome.

As Jeff was standing there I mentioned to Karen how things have changed. At one time a curtsy was considered a feminine type of gesture. 'I love it', I told Karen, 'when a man welcomes me with a curtsy'. It shows he has been well trained. It lets me know that he knows how to act in front of a mistress. 'Thank you' Karen replied, 'would you like something to drink'. 'Yes, a white wine would be fine'. Karen announced that they had both Chardonnay and Pinot. When Jeff received the drink orders, I noticed Karen giving him a hand signal. Jeff understood the hand signal as a command to fetch. He did a small quarter type curtsy, and immediately left the room.

Yes, I thought, the new age male. He should be taught to curtsy. It makes a very good impression. Then, I thought, how would I feel if my son was trained to curtsy is the same manner. It would be one thing for a mistress wife to expect him to curtsy to a sister. It would be quite another to have a young man curtsy to a mother. Yet, I have learned to expect well trained submissive men to welcome me with a curtsy.

In our little group husbands are trained to welcome the friends of their wife with a curtsy. It is the way Liz's husband greets me. The same for Carmen's husband. It is the way I expect John to greet these women both in private and in public situations. In public situations the husbands are taught to do a simple little dip. No one really notices it except for the people who are immediately present.

In my experience requiring a man to curtsy is not only a way for him to show proper respect, but it tends to take away the sharp edges that sometimes creep into a man's personality. It has the same affect as having him wear panties or a ribbon in his hair. On occasion, the comment has been made that requiring a man to curtsy is too sissy? It maybe for most women. However, it is now something that I have grown accustomed to. Yes, I believe in many situations a polite curtsy is a proper way for a male to show respect for a women. I am curious as to what most readers of the blog think. Is the curtsy too old fashioned? Is there a place for it in the 21st century? In a FLM should the father openly curtsy to the wife in front of the children?

Thoughts for a Monday morning.

Love, Kathy

Love, Kathy

My Views

2011-08-13T14:38:00.000-05:00

As individuals, as human being our views are formed by our experiences. Most of us grew up in a world where men were incharge. In the world most of grew up in the man was expected to be the boss.
Of course, since that is what we were accustomed to, it seamed very normal for a women to take her man's last name, and take a vow of obedience.

For the last several years I have lived with a man who has made a promise of obedience to me. Likewise, I have friends who are quite accustomed to the femdom life style. Fast forward a few years, and it seams very normal to have a husband who not only obeys me, but serves me. When I look at my friends who are in FLMs I often wonder it femdom might be the right choice for many couples. Then, I wonder if femdom might be the best choice for society.

What I am saying is that there is soemthing good about men who have been leashed and collared by a women. They tend to stay close to home. From my experience they are devoted to the family unit above all else. They are wonderful fathers. They understand that the moeny they earn is for the good of the family.

What I would tell women is not to criticize the femdom experience until you have had a chance to enjoy the intimacy of living with a man who is devoted to you. On the recent visit I asked Karen's friend what it was that she liked about the femdom lifestyle. The answer came in a five word response; 'the intimacy with her husband.'

Kathy

Note For Sandra And Others

2011-08-12T19:50:00.002-05:00

Once again I would like to thank Sandra for her perspective. Giving a man a chance to serve is usually beneficial. Each of us have our own ways of doing it.

In the world today there is still a great deal of hostility to the idea of a man obeying a women. I almost didn't publish the comment to the last posting because of the very high degree of hostility. This comment was actually posted three or four times. It contains a great deal of anger. For some reason this man believes the idea of femdom to be contrary to the idea of christian values. What I believe is that men
can serve the lord by serving the women whom God put in their life. In many ways God made women to be man's mistress. The women guides, and trains her man to be the faithful servant that the Lord wants him to be. By her feminine wisdom he learns to be the provider and protector of the family. This is according to God's plan

Whatever the degree of hostility of a few people toward femdom there are men in the world that need to be collared and leashed by the women in their life. Some of these men will make wonderful husbands and servants. Yes, a few of them, like my John will actually become loving slaves. These are men who are expected to obey without question. For men like John obedience is a virtue; disobedience is a sin. Yes, I believe that a man's willful act of disobedience to a mistress wife is an offense against God.

What I have observed is that the longer a man is in a femdom relationship the easier it becomes for him to obey. After five or six years of training, obedience to the female becomes as natural as night and day, or the air he breathes. This, again, is in accordance with God's plan for the world.

In a sense I believe in the concept of male slavery within a loving female led relationship. It may seam cruel, but some men were born to be the slaves of the women in their lives. Men like John and S-H are the happiest, most contented when at the feet of a powerful women. A women is powerful when she caries with her the grace of God. She is the light of the world as far as her man is concerned. To the man at her feet she is the closest thing in the world to the Divine. It is no wonder that men often refer to women as a Godest.

As mistress wives we love our men. We care for them. We cradle them when they hurt, we discipline them when they need it, and yes we punish them when the circumstances require it. At the end of the day we become the light of their lives. Our love becomes the nourishment that our men live by. My heart goes out in sadness for males who never have had the joy experiencing the tender kiss of a women's love. Somehow, I feel that the poor man who left the comment is one of these unfortunate souls.

God bless, and love you all for reading,

Mistress

More About Karen and Jeff: Arrival

2011-08-10T08:12:00.000-05:00

It was really hard for me to believe that it had been an entire year since Karen and I first had dinner.
On the ride up, I was wondering about the changes in her life. For most young people the transition from college student to the world of work can be difficult. When John and I made this transition we had the benefit of a much stronger economy, and better job prospects than younger people have in today's world.

Karen picked me up from the airport. Her smile and hug made me feel more like a friend and confident than an older women who she was putting up with. Karen has a way of relaxing me, and making me feel like she really wanted to visit. There is nothing in Karen's personality, or in her manners, that would ever suggest that she is a mistress. She has the look of the girl next door. When you get to know her better, you can sense a certain aura of confidence in the way she speaks.

As we exited the airport lot Karen quickly explained that Jeff was home cooking dinner for the evening. She also told me Jeff was quite excited about my visit. In advance Karen told me that she was inviting another girlfriend whom she wanted me to meet. This was a friend from her college group.
When Karen and Jeff were living in the apartment she briefly joined a BDSM kind of group. It didn't work out. It wasn't what she wanted, but she did make a friend. Like Karen, this lady had a husband who needed to be dominated. From what I had gathered this lady's husband had wanted to wear a chastity device.

On the way home Karen explained that she wanted the three of us to have a causal evening of girl talk.
Jeff, she explained, would be there as a server. However, in advance she had carefully explained to Jeff that his role for the evening was to cook, serve, and clean up. Except when buzzed his normal place for the evening was to be in the kitchen. I asked Karen how Jeff felt about having that diminished role when there was company in the house. She responded that Jeff was fine with it. He understands, she explained, that the place of a submissive husband is in the kitchen. She then giggled a little, and said that Jeff was actually excited about being shown off to her friends. We then exchanged one of those knowing looks that often happen between girls, and shared a little laugh. Then Karen said, 'You know what else. Jeff asked if he could where his maid costume". Yes, I thought, we love our men, but there are times when the things they do and say make us want to laugh.

As we drove to Karen's apartment it seamed like the time and age differences between us melted away.

In some ways I wished that it was possible to have the same type of intimate conversation with my daughter, but then I knew there was simply somethings that mothers should not know.

Kathy

comment From liz

2011-08-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

Liz has been following the blog. She made one comment to this morning's posting. If you allow your man to wear panties, or maid outfits make sure you either buy these things with him, or for him.
Her husband is not allowed to ever wear any type of clothing that he may have purchased while she was not present. Liz always pays, and makes sure that the sales clerk understands the purchase is for her husband.

Kathy

Enough

2011-08-09T08:54:00.001-05:00

Enough talk about feminizing a man. Once again this is not something that I want to do.

With regard to the subservient husband blog, I can well understand why his wife was agitated.
It is quite disturbing for a wife to receive an email from her husband asking if he can wear her clothes.

This is not only topping from the bottom, but it is saying to her that he wants to become a women.
Showing a few feminine traits is one thing, but wearing a wife's clothing is beyond the pale.

This is part of what happens when men spend too much time on the computer. They are introduced to a fantasy world that very few women want. Real femdom is about a husband obeying his wife, and respecting her as the head of the house, and as his personal mistress.

My Take- The Sissy Male

2011-08-07T18:33:00.002-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I completed a posting. Often times I like to wait a day or two, take another look at the script before publishing. However, one or two of the recent comments made me decide to add some additional thoughts

One of the questions that comes up is what do you as a Mistress wife want out of a relationship with a husband. For me, the answer is simple. First, and always, I want John's love. Second, as a Mistress wife I want his obedience. The third thing in the mixture is that I want John's service. Yes, I want John to serve me in the way that a slave husband is expected to serve a wife that he both loves and respects.

On the other side of the coin I want my husband to stay a man. Yes, he may wear panties. From time to time I will allow him to wear a little skirt around the house. Never, however, do I want to think of him as a women or as a sissy. I am not saying that treating a man as a sissy is wrong. I am saying that it is wrong for me.

A women in a femdom relationship needs to take a look at her self. What is it that she wants. What type of behavior should she expect from a husband. What is she comfortable with. If she is fine with a husband parading around in dresses and little french maid costumes, that is her decision. What her husband needs to understand is that she is the boss in the house. She is the one who makes the decisions as to what he wears. For my part I would much rather have a man ruining around the house naked than in a frilly maid costume. However, that is just me.

The next posting will talk about my arrival at the airport, and the ride back to Karen's apartment.
Karen had mentioned that her guy asked if he could wear his maid costume while serving. Karen told him no, it was too sissy for her taste. Karen told me that Jeff does have a little maid costume, but he is only allowed to wear it on very special occasions, often as a reward, and only in front of her and her sister.

Jeff may or may not appreciate the rule. Karen has decided what type of behavior she will accept from her husband, and she is the one who makes the rules as to what he will wear. In the end a husband respects the wife who is willing to take charge of him in this way. If a wife is not firm with a husband, he will began to top from the bottom. Men,even the submissive types have a way of pushing to get what they want. In the end it needs to be more about what the wife wants.

Mistress

Political Statement

2011-08-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

Many of you who read this blog will not like this posting. The truth is that I don't care.

In the past weeks I have been paying attention to the budget talks, and watching what has been going on in Washington.

In my opinion the US is in need of strong, conservative female leadership at all levels of government.
It is my hope that somewhere in Unites States the young women of today are ready to provide the type of leadership that the United States needs to more forward.

Mistress, Kathy

My Take-Chastity Devices

2011-08-04T14:17:00.001-05:00

For health reason I still have my doubts about chastity devices. One thing is for sure, there are many men in the world who would like to wear one. The ideal seams to be a wife who is willing to be the key holder. For whatever reason men are quite willing to surrender the essence of their manhood to a wife or girl friend.

In some ways I can understand how chastity devices would be more popular with women then with men. If you have a husband who is required to travel for business, I can understand the idea of locking up his little soldier for the trip. This is certainly a way for a wife to ensure that her guy will not get into trouble.

Karen's friend mentioned to me that a device does not have to be 100% secure to provide adequate control. As she explained, even if a man can slip it off, it is probable that he can't put it back on.
When her husband travels by air, she uses a plastic device with a tie of some type that will go through air port security. He can cut the tie off, but he can't reattach it. According to Karen's friend, if her husband comes home without the device, he had better have a good reason.

Karen's friend's husband has an addiction to Internet porn. On several occasions she has caught him playing with himself when he should have been working. She uses the appliances as a form of thought control to make sure he keeps focus on his work. From what I can gather this device has prickly parts to it. Any type of erotic thought that causes his soldier to swell will be met with immediate discomfort. In this way the device provides a type of mind control.

While there are a number of things that I don't understand about chastity devices there is one thing that is very clear to me. The use of a chastity device can provide a women with tremendous control over a man. It is a way to give a man more physical freedom, yet insure that he will remain faithful.

Kathy

Time Off From Work -Karen and Jeff

2011-08-01T13:37:00.001-05:00

It is really nice to have some time off from work. It feels especially good on Monday morning when the rest of the world finds themselves changing form weekend to work mode.

During the coming weeks I want to talk more about Karen and her husband, Jeff. Everyone who has followed the blog is aware of their relationship. It started in college where they developed an openly femdom type of living arrangement. They were married last summer, found jobs, and moved to another city.

When Karen learned that I was flying to Italy from a departure city that was not too far from where she lives, she invited me for a visit. We had the opportunity to spend an evening together, plus much of the next day. Karen introduced me to a friend who has been an inspiration for her, and as a special bonus, gave me an opportunity to visit with Jeff.

One of the things that I no longer like to talk about is age. However, I believe everyone understands that Karen is about the same age as my daughter. Despite the age difference we talk as friends and as sisters with a common interest. It is not like an older women giving advice to a younger person. I have learned as much from Karen as she has from me. One of the things I love about Karen is her willingness to experiment. She is always interested in learning more about what works and what doesn't.

As a general statement I would say that Karen is not as much of a control freak as I am, but she does expect her husband to obey. She does believe in setting boundaries, and punishing when her husband crosses those boundaries. From me she developed a sense that a man should be given specific rules to follow in his daily life. From another friend, who she introduced me to, Karen learned the importance of having the ability to regulate a man's releases.

In this blog I have often talked about the advantage of knowing what you man is doing, who he is doing it with, and knowing where he is. There have been many times when John has been physically restricted to the house. In the past I have used a special code on our alarm system. If a door or window was opened without imputing the code, an alarm would go off. Coming into the femdom stage of our marriage John was given very limited personal freedom. Karen's view of this entire issue is very different. Her idea is to give a husband greater personal freedom, but to have his personal equipment under lock and key.

One of the things that I find really interesting about chastity devices is that it is mostly the men who want to wear them. It seams like almost every blog on the web there is a man wanting his wife to be the key holder. It is still amazing to me that men want to give the women in their life so much control over them. It has occurred to me that the chastity device is rapidly becoming the symbol of submission for the new age male. With one little click of a lock a wife has almost absolute control over a husband. From what I can see many men want their women to have this type of ultimate control.

One of the things I am wondering about is if male chastity devices are now spreading beyond femdom relationships. Is it possible that a chastity device will one day have the same significance for a married man as a ring does today. Will there be a time when a women in an other wise vanilla relationship will expect her husband to wear a device as a pledge of fidelity?

Love, Kathy

Made My Day-Thank You for The Comment

2011-07-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

Here is a big kiss with a hug to Anonymous. You just made my day, and in your own way told me that this blog is worth doing. Yes, I love to hear from my older boys. Many of you have a certain gentle sweetness that is lacking in the younger ones.

From the older boys I always hear the same thing. I thought that I was the only one. Yes, the secret of a loving, submissive heart was always kept far removed from the surface. While your secret will remain secure, know that there somewhere there is mistress who is thinking of you.

All I can say is look at your children or grandchildren. One day you may have a grand daughter who will loving rule over a spouse, or maybe a grandson who will know the joy of kneeling at the feet of the women who loves him.

Think good things my baby.

Love, Mistress

Lunch With Liz

2011-07-26T21:54:00.001-05:00

It is really a glorious experience to have several weeks off from work. Not having to deal with emails,
phone calls, and all the problems associated with a job is a real treat.

In honor of my time away form work Liz invited me to the City for lunch. A lot, if not most of my ideas for punishing John really came from Liz. She read the posting. Of course, the punishment for a man you love should never involve serious pain. A little fear is a good thing. A man should understand that you have his best interest at heart.

At the end of a punishment session it is always a good idea to have your boy repeat back to you the reasons for his punishment. Liz reminded me of having him do this in his own words. Sometimes a guy will just want to put his head down, and parrot back to you the reasons why he was punished. If your guy starts to do this, instruct him to repond it in his own words. Ask him questions. After a punishment session Liz will ask her husband if there is anything else that she needs to know about. In other words Liz will come out and ask her husband if there is anything else he did wrong that she is not yet aware of.

Liz tells me that you would be absolutely surprised to hear how much her husband confesses to. As a general rule there is nothing really bad. Like John, her husband has been in a femdom relationship for a number of years, and punishment occurs infrequently. Never the less she has learned to use a punishment session as a way of bringing her husband closer to her. She also uses the end of a punishment session as a time to cuddle and caress her husband. Liz tells me this puts him in a highly submissive type of mood. She tells her husband that she wants to be proud of him. When he misbehaves it creates friction in their marriage.

One of the other points Liz mentions is that a real punishment session should always be done on a one on one basis. There are times when you might want to show off your guy to another women, but a punishment session is not one of these times. She refers to it as a special and intimate experience between the two of them. For my part I believe Liz tends to baby her husband more than is good for him.
Some men love the opportunity to put there head down on mistresses lap, and have a good cry. John has done this form time to time, but for me babying a man is not something that should happen frequently.
When John came back home it was a very emotional experience for both of us. He cryed on my lap that night. However, that was a very special occasion. On that night John was looking for absolution. He received it, but he sill spent the night in the kennel. If he was looking for makeup sex it didn't happen.

One of the things I believe is that a femdom relationship will bring out the softer side of a man. From early childhood males are taught not too show emotion. As children they hear things like crying is for girls. Well, from time to time men may also need to have a good cry. Earlier this week I thoroughly enjoyed the posting by subservient husband. He is a very sweet man just like my baby. Based on his posting it appeared to me that his femdom experience was bringing out a softer, more feminine side of his personality. If a male is happier showing this side of his personalty, and if it makes him a better husband, there is nothing wrong with it.

In modern society many skills that were once thought of as feminine are now important for a man. It is no longer necessary for the man of the house to keep a rifle by the door to protect the family form indians. In the 19th century it may have been important for a man to know how to handle a weapon. In today's world it is more important for the man of the house to know how to change a diaper, or iron a skirt. These are often part of the useful skill set of the modern male. Also, since the wife may be making more money than the husband, he may need to hold his tongue in a way that would have made his grandfather blush. John and I have both observed this with our daughter. Femdom or not the modern women has no problem with assigning chores to her mate.In a femdom relationship the modern male is often punished for his failure to adopt.
In a recent posting I mentioned that John's sister was aware that her brother may sometimes be punished by being put in a corner. We were having coffee, John was doing dishes, when I quite casually mentioned to her that John had spent some time in the corner that week. It was not the first time she had been told of this little punishment, but it was the first time for John to over hear the conversation. It had a profound affect on his ego to know that sister knew that he was punished in this manner. It didn't help that she teased him about it.

For the most part submissive men are wonderfully sweet guys who make great husbands and fathers. From what I have seen they do require an extra degree of handling, but they are worth the effort. By the next generation or two, they may very well be the preferred choice of most young women.

Love, Mistress

Note For Severin

2011-07-26T08:28:00.000-05:00

Thank you for the very well thought out comment. It is very nice to see that you are still reading the blog.

As answer to your question John would prefer to have a dirty, stinky toes to suck on. A couple of years ago I was more into Saturday tennis. About the time I would be coming home, John would be finishing his Saturday cleaning. Once, for fun, I offered him the chance to take off my shoes, socks, and sniff. He loved it. Then I had him lick off the sweet from my feet. The entire experience was a treat for him. On successive Saturdays I allowed John go through the same sniffing and licking routine as a reward for a good cleaning job. However, before giving him the reward, I took the time to inspect the house.

On some level it is difficult to imagine a man looking forward to something like sucking dirty toes. On the other hand, if you have a husband that loves the scent of your dirty toes, it seams wrong to keep them away from him. One of the basic lesions learned from Tara and Liz was to keep your man at your feet. When watching television, visiting with close friends, etc.; a man should always be seated on the floor next to you. It is not to be ugly or mean to him. Men with submissive tendencies are the most happy when at the feet of the women who owns them. In a way it gives them a sense of security and belonging. At the wife's feet is really the natural place for men like my John and S-H.

Femdom is not for women who hate men. Femdom is for women who love their men, and want them developed to their full potential. A well trained man, who understands his place in a femdom marriage is a happy man. As a society we should be more tolerant of other lifestyles that are not common.
What I tell people is not to feel sorry for a man like John. Feel sorry for all the men who would love to live his life, but who will never have the chance.

If given the opportunity how many of you men would like to have a life that included daily submission to a confident women who truly enjoyed having you as her devoted slave?

Once Again- Comment For Sandara

2011-07-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

It is beginning to feel like Sandra is the only person who reads this blog. As far as I am concerned she expresses herself very well. Please see her recent comment.

As Sandra says it is important that you set boundaries for you man. If and when your man crosses these boundaries it is time to punish him. Sometimes it takes all the strength a women can muster to punish a guy. However, the failure to punish when necessary is not good for the relationship. It is not good for either the husband or the wife.

In the very beginning punishing John was a task. It took a certain amount of energy simply to build up the courage to tell John to put his nose against the wall, and keep it there. Even though I had a bit of the dominatrix experience, punishing a husband was a great deal different than dealing with a client of the studio.

In the last posting I talked about Liz, lecture number one. Punishment is for small children and teenagers who wreck the car. As a wife you don't want to treat your husband like a child. As long as he acts like an adult there is no reason to do so. From time to time a man will test your determination just to see if you are really serious about being his mistress. There are also times when for one reason or another a male just doesn't get it and steps out of line.

One thing I can tell anyone for sure. John absolutely hates it when his sister knows he has put in the corner. It may seam a little cruel, but it is really meant for his own good. The fear of coroner time, his sister's awareness of it, helps John keep is focus.

Love, Mistress

My Take-Punishment

2011-07-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

It is nice to have some time off from work. It meant passing or a project, but I will not be going back to work until the third week of August.

It was yesterday that I came upon a nicely written blog by a lady. It was a typical topic. It dealt with how should she punish her husband. There are a million ways to punish a man. It can be anything from taking his computer away to taking away his golf membership, to forbidding him from going on a fishing trip. In the past I have used negative humiliation as a punishment tool. This is a very powerful tool, but it is difficult to use. (The hair ribbon on the trip to NW) Of course, when your man first hears the word punishment, he is thinking about something that is really fun. When he realizes that the word punishment may mean lousing is allowance for a month, or not going to an out of town baseball game, the word punishment starts to take on an entire new meaning.

What is more important than the actual punishment is what happens before and what happen after.
Somewhere along the line you need to condition a husband that if his behavior is not satisfactory he is subject to your punishments. You need to let him know that it will be real punishment. It will be something he won't like. In advance, you need to ask him how he would feel about accepting punishment from you. He most probably will answer yes because punishment of some type is always part of a femdom marriage.

The first time that you punish a man you need to remind him that he agreed to accept punishment from you as a condition of your relationship. Remind him that you are his mistress as well as his wife. Make sure that he understands that you take your obligation as a mistress wife seriously. You need to remind husband that punishment is part of the parcel of goods that comes with domination. If he is not willing to accept punishment from you, he needs to understand that the femdom portion of your relationship is over.
Then you need to tell him why he is being punished. Your man needs to have an understanding of what it was that offended you. It may be something he said, something he did, or something he failed to do. Whatever it is you need to communicate to him the reason for the punishment. It should not be arbitrary or capricious.

Somewhere in the punishment process you need to communicate that you still love him. You may not be satisfied with his behavior, but he needs to understand that he is still the love of your life. This was something that I learned from Liz. There are times when you need to separate the behavior from the man. When John and I were living apart, Liz gave me some very useful advice. She said I needed to let John have a very good understanding of why his actions offended me. However, in all my conversations with John, it was important for me to emphasize that I still loved him.

When the punishment if over ask your husband if he understands why he was punished. If he answers no, you need to start over again. If he answers yes, then ask him to repeat to you the reason for the punishment. If he doesn't apologise for his actions, ask him if he is sorry. When you are satisfied that he understands the why of the punishment, and apologises for his actions, it is time to forgive him.
Always remember you are the mistress in the relationship. You are the one with power to forgive. It is a little bit like being a priest. If you like, it is sometimes a good idea to reassure husband with a kiss. Tell him that you expect improvement in his behavior.

There is one think that Liz told me about forgiveness that needs to be repeated. It is fine to give your man a kiss when his punishment is over. It is not time, however, for make up sex. From time to time Liz tells me she has given her husband what she called lecture No 1. The lecture goes something like this. Tell your husband that punishment is really for small children, and teenagers who wreck the car. He is a grown man, and is expected to handle his responsibilities like an adult. Let him know that you don't like treating him as a child. Some men get the message, some men don't.

One of the other things I learned from Liz is that the punishment should occur as soon as possible. There may be two parts of the punishment. Part one may be corner time. Part two may be not going to the out of town base ball game. Never discount something as simple as corner time as a punishment. It is treating a grown man like a small child, but it tends to work. For some men corner time might be fun for a few minutes. However, John tells me that it doesn't take too long before the knees and back start to hurt. For those of you who have read the blog know that John's sister is my friend from college, and is more or less aware of our lifestyle. John is also aware that if he is given corner time the event will be reported to his sister. This, I have found to be an effective form of negative humiliation. John absolutely hates it when his sister knows he has been made to kneel in the corner like a small child.

What I have learned from working with my baby is that you need patients. If you are new to femdom it is probable that your husband has not been disciplined on punished since he was a child. In training a man to be the husband that you want there will be bumps along the way. In order to become a real mistress for your man, you need to be willing not only to lead, but to punish. This takes quite a bit of self confidence. If you are willing to follow your womanly instincts there is often a beautiful, sweet submissive guy waiting at the end of the path. In the end a man who is truly submissive will love you all the more for becoming a genuine authority figure in his life. His submission is a gift. However, willingness to lead him, to train him is also a gift. It is a gift of love.

Love, Kathy

Special Posting for Sandra

2011-07-23T11:21:00.007-05:00

Thank all of you for the comments. From what I have observed, given the opportunity, most men would relish the opportunity to suck a women's toes. In the studio we called it foot worship, and the guys loved it.

Tara knew how to make foot worship into an art form. She would sit back in a very relaxed position. Little by little she would extend the favor of her feet to a needy male. She would first let him take off one of her shoes. She would have him lick the shoe top and bottom. At first I thought having a man lick the sole of a shoe was disgusting, and it is. When both shoes were off she would allow him to proceed to her toes. Eventually she would allow the male to have half her foot in his mouth sucking and licking. If there was extra time left over, and she was bored, she would take phone calls during the session. One of her little tricks was to have a short leash attached to the male's collar so that she could pull it taught as a way of encouraging him to lick or suck a bit harder. A common saying of hers was that men, as well as puppies, should be kept on a leash for their own good. It was Tara that taught me the trick of keeping a thin, short black leash in my purse. You never quite know when you going to have a behavioral problem with a man. If a man doesn't heel properly her procedure was to put a leash on him.

In the studio life was very different than it was in the vanilla world. In the studio we referred to men as males. It Tara wanted me to work with a certain customer, she would tell me something like there is a male coming in this afternoon who might work well for you. She spoon fed me the clients who had a set of personality needs that was similar to my John. From time to time she would allow her husband into the working part of the studio. His normal job was for a bank in the business district. Tara's husband was the very first man I ever had contact with who curtsied to his wife, and commonly addressed his wife as ma'am.

One of things Tara firmly believed in was the value of training a male to be the type of productive submissive husband that made a women's life easier. Like Sandra she also believed that well trained males, who understood the wife's rules were happier that those who were left to flounder. In the comment Sandra put it beautifully when she said a 'well trained male is a happy male'. Like me she believes in the value of what might be called basic training. A truly submissive man will look to his wife for guidance. Men like John or like Subservient-Husband of the blog by that name take pleasure in pleasing the women in their life. This is what they live for. A lack of training causes frustration in the male. A part of this training process is for the wife to let the husband know what her expectations are in the relationship. In a femdom marriage a wife needs to have the confidence to take a leadership role with her man.

One of the other blogs that I like to read is the one labeled 'At All Times'. Almost every time I read this blog I can feel the frustration that this man is going through. The wife sought of understands that her husband is submissive, but refuses to be the real authority figure that he so disparately needs. The wife, Jane, will often give her husband a few little cameo moments of femdom. However,
on a consistent basis she really fails at the task of training her man to be of proper service to her. She never really gets to the point of establishing rules and guidelines for this man to live by. It is not that she is mean spirited. She is a sweet women. It is just that she is not interested in having a truly submissive husband who is trained to serve her. If she had the opportunity to have grown up in a proper femdom house hold she probably would more attuned to needs of a man, and certainly more adjusted to the role model her husband in looking for.

On this blog I have always said that submissive men, when well trained and disciplined, will usually make excellent husbands and fathers. The key is trained and disciplined.
In the case of the poor gentlemen from the 'At All Times' blog he is constantly wondering what it is that his wife wants. It seams like he is always in a position of trying to force an issue with her, or is trying to top her from the bottom. The problem in his life is a true lack of leadership from the wife. So many times I have wanted the ability to just reach our to Jane, his wife, and say something like take away your man's computer, put him on a training program, and set clear guideline for him to live by. Like it or not being a real women sometimes means being willing to be a mistress to your man.

Once again a special thank you for Sandra. It may be that her real world experience may be limited to one man, but what she says has a way of clicking with me. The question of toe sucking was meant to be a fun kind of thing to get people interested in making comments. It worked to a degree. In the everyday world femdom is about a lot more than toe sucking. Sandra is a lady that seams to understand what it is that men need to be content with their life. She seams to understand how to best manage a man for his benefit as well as her own. And yes, for any women who reads this blog, never forget that most males needs to be managed to a certain degree.

Love, Kathy

Coming Home

2011-07-21T17:24:00.001-05:00

Yes, mistress has been traveling. July has been a busy month. It is always good to come home. I missed my baby. There is a lot of catching up to do.

By all accounts John was a 'good boy' during my absence. While I was on this trip he had a great deal more freedom than was given to him on most of my previous adventures. The usual rules applied; come home after work, no going out after dark. However, there was no one there to turn on the house alarm. Except for a few 'check up' calls from Carmen's daughter John was on the honor system. There was no sitter. This was really the first time since John's return that he has been on the honor system for such an extended amount of time. Of course, John is a little older, and a little wiser than he was seven years ago. By his actions and deeds John is showing me that he is a husband who can be trusted with a measured amount of freedom.

It was a last minute trip; Liz and I plus another girl decided to spend some time in Italy. The food was great, the hotels were comfortable, and the guys were cute. It made me wish that I was younger. When you are away from home it is easier to louse your inhibitions. One night for something different the three of us went to a music club. A couple of young Latin types tried to pick us up. They must of thought we were cougars on the chase. They bought us a couple of drinks. They managed to get Liz up for a dance, and that is as far as it went. Italy is a fun country. It I ever have a chance to live someplace besides the US, it would be Italy.

No matter where I travel there is nothing better than coming home to my baby. In response to the comment, the house was clean, and yes, there were flowers. John and the two other husbands even brought flowers to the airport. Anyone who happened to be watching the welcome reception might have thought the three of us were some sought of celebrities. There was also a very big, sweet welcome home kiss for John. When we got home, I gave John's little soldier a squeeze, and asked if he was glad to see me. The way his little soldier came to 'attention' told me that he was happy that I was home. All I really wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. Before I could say anything John fixed a hot bubble bath. I let him wash me, and then gave him a few minutes to suck my toes. Toe sucking is one of John's favorites treats. I think it is a treat for most guys. Sometimes I use toe sucking as a reward for an extra good job of cleaning house. One of the great things about men is that the reward system can be very simple. Liz tells me that her husband also likes to suck on her toes, and will do so as long as she allows.

One of the reasons for Femdom 101 is that I absolutely hated most of the blogs on the Internet. A femdom marriage starts with love. It is about a loving, caring relationship between a women and her guy. It is about intimacy of the deepest kind. It is about women learning to be the leaders and the authority figures in their relationships as much as it is about men learning obedience. In the real world there is a crying need for strong, aggressive female role models. Women who not afraid to say to their men, I will lead, you will follow. One of my favorite pictures on the net is the one with the women leading the naked guy by his little soldier. It is a picture that should be posted in the classroom of every women's college in the country.

More and more I dislike the term dominant women. The term dominant should be replaced with confident. A women who has confidence in her self can lead a man where ever she chooses to take him. In today's world many men are learning to become followers, and most of them are very happy with that role. In some ways our perceptions need to change. Here to fore when a women observed another women giving orders to a man, she thinks 'what a bitch'. When I see a women giving orders to a man, I think there goes a lady who has confidence in her self. It especially makes me proud to be female when the order giver is a younger women directing an obedient male. My daughter is one of those confident types of the younger generation. Karen is another.

Just before the trip to Italy I had a chance to visit with Karen in her apartment. It has been almost a year since we first had dinner. Karen had her husband prepare a nice meal, serve, and clean up. She invited another friend from her little femdom group. It was a way for Karen to show off what she has accomplished with Jeff over the last year. Karen spends a fair amount of time training him. She does many of the same obedience exercises that I have used with John. A few months before they were married she started with the basics, 'stay, come, fetch and heel'. Once a man understands these basic commands, you can graduate him to a higher level of training. The basics are important. By teaching him these skills a man gradually comes to understand that his place in the relationship is to do as told. It is not to lead, it is not to top from the bottom. It may sound stupid, but it often takes men quite a long time to understand this very basic principle of femdom marriage.

In ordinary life women expect too much of a submissive husband too soon. The typical male comes to a wife and says something like please dominate me. If the wife is 'game' she says something like "OK" you may clean the house today. There is nothing wrong with a man learning to clean house, but it should come on top of a basic level of obedience training. Men often ask the wife to dominate them. Once the domination shows evidence of turning from a game to a real way of life, the men often become very frightened. When a wife sees that her husband is starting to fear her authority, it is her responsibility to assure her guy that everything will be fine. In the process she also needs to let him know that she is indeed the boss in the relationship. She needs to be firm. She needs to make sure he understands femdom is what they both want; it is what they both need, and that there is no turning back. When faced with a confident women who understands what she wants most men will readily yield.

When the husband becomes afraid of a women's authority it is time for the wife to show him that she has the ability to control the situation. She needs to communicate to her guy, in no uncertain terms, that she is indeed the boss. The man needs to understand that being the boss is what the wife wants, and there is no turning back. Once again, it is not only about what the couple wants. It is about what they need. The reason for turning to a femdom type of relationship in the first place is that there was something missing in the previous relationship. For the husband it is usually related to his innate need for female control. The wife needs to make it very clear that she understands this need, and that she will be the loving, caring authority figure that has been missing in his life. In a pinch, a good grounding in the basics, 'stay, fetch, come and heel' gives the wife a framework for exercising control over her male.

Love all of you for reading my blog. It is mostly men that read, but there is also a female audience. You don't need to agree with what I say, but it is important for me to know that you are reading. There are quite a few comments that are not posted at the request of the author. Before publishing anything I read the full comment to insure that it is 'OK' to publish. There are also a few really mean spirited comments, but very few. Femdom is not for everyone. There is something about the idea of a man being under the authority of women that makes some people very angry. There are now over two hundred followers of this blog. The readership has grown way beyond what I ever thought possible. Kisses to all of you.

Glad to be home,

Mistress

PS: Fun question for the guys. How many of you love to suck on a women's toes? For the yes responders, does it matter if her toes or clean or dirty?

Question: Do you like to have a man suck on your toes?

Mistress Has Been Traveling

2011-07-18T08:12:00.000-05:00

Mistress has been traveling with friends. She will be back this week.

slave john

Stay, Fetch, and Come Part 3

2011-06-30T08:00:00.002-05:00

Because of my life experiences I tend to see things in a certain way, and think about things a little differently than most other women. When I saw the couple in the market there was very little doubt in my mind that she was dominant and he was submissive. You could see it in her demeanor. It was time for her man to come, and she didn't expect to have to ask twice. She was already a little annoyed that he drifted off to another table. Well, as I have said in the past, 'heel' is a little more difficult for men than is stay, fetch, and come. I can say with a degree of confidence that John would not have wondered off the way this man did. If I am looking at merchandise on a table John understands that his place is one or two steps behind me. Wondering off may not be a 'bid deal' to many women, but a man like John has been trained to stay in a certain place. It is hard to explain, but it is a matter of respect. Also, a part of John's duty is to be there in case I need him to hold my purse.

As I looked at this couple it was obvious that the man was much older than the women. I wondered if she was the second wife. Then, my mind drifted off. I wondered if the first marriage ended in divorce because wife number one was not dominant enough with him. This happens. As men get older their sex drive decreases, and there need for female authority grows. If the wife refuses dominate them, these men will often find women who will.

There was an interesting email that came in about a year ago. It was from a women in California.
Her husband had his own business. She was hired as the secretary. After some time on the job the two of them formed an attachment. He confessed to being submissive, but also indicated that his wife was not interested in dominating him. He told her that he was very unhappy in his marriage. One thing lead to another and they started playing little domination games in the office. Some of it was school boy stuff. When the other employees left at the end of the day, she had him drop his trousers and gave him a spanking. They started going out to lunch. Anytime they were along he called her mistress. Over a few years these little games took on a more realistic tone.

From time to time the man would find an excuse to take a business trip. Of course, he would take her.
This gave them a chance to be together in a hotel. The games became more serious. She bought a few outfits to wear when they were in the hotel. As the number of business trips grew, the wife became suspicious. It ended in a divorce. The secretary no longer works in company. She, however, now hires the secretary. The secretary keeps track of every thing this man does and reporst back to her. The new secretary records every incoming call. He is on longer allowed to leave the office unless the new wife gives clearance to the secretary.

If you are going to be a mistress wife know where your man is at all times, and know who he is with.
Men can and will get into trouble. This lady, by having the secretary report to her, knows exactly what her guy is doing.

Like a lot of other couples John and I will some time play at femdom games. We don't play as much as we used to. In my opinion femdom games serve a very useful purpose. My favorite game to play with John is fetch. We have a small rubber ball. You shake it and it rings. On command John is trained to run or crawl to the ball, pick it up with his mouth, and return to mistress. If he accomplish this task while the ball is still making its noise, he earns a good boy. He may also get the right to request a special favor.

Fetch sounds like a silly little game, but a lot of these little games serve a useful purpose. A man learns to take directions from his lady. He stays at 'heel' until the command to fetch is give given. It is a small thing, but all of these little games enforce upon the male that it is his role to obey. Just as a husband comes to understand his place in the relationship is to obey, the wife gets useful practice at giving her man orders.

A little while back someone sent me a video of a couple doing pony training. The wife or female was riding on the back of the guy. There was a simple saddle and she had some type of bit in is mouth with a rope she could pull. In the other hand she held a small riding whip. If she wanted him to go faster, she used the whip. If she wanted him to stop she pulled back on the reins. It was great training for both of them. It is just as important for the wife to learn to give orders as it is for the man to learn to take them.

Kathy

Stay, Fetch, and Come 'continued"

2011-06-26T01:03:00.002-05:00

While working in the studio I was exposed to ideas and life styles that were completely alien to the way I was raised. At the beginning it was a challenge to understand Tara and the world she introduced to me. As strange as this world was, there was one thing that kept me coming back. My John, my husband of many years was a part of this world. Then I realized there was more than one reason for me to come back. In a strange sought of a way I was intrigued with what was happening to me in the studio. There was something about the way the men treated the women in studio. It was the way they respected everything and everyone that was female. It didn't take long to make you feel special to be a women.

There was the lady who would occasionally bring her husband to be kenneled for the night. She would go out with her boy friend while her husband was locked in the kennel. From what I understood they would go out, spend the night together, and she would pick her husband up in the morning. For extra measure she would then have the husband change the sheets on the bed. From what I was told if there was a yellow spot on the sheet she would have her husband suck it. I was also told you could see the whip marks on his back. Yes, it was a relationship that on some level worked for them. Sometimes you wondered if a women could simply cower a man to that degree, or if it was really something that he also wanted.

Tara was an ardent feminist and a strict disciplinarian when it came to men. She was only twenty something years old, but could give a fifty year old man a look that would bring him to his knees.
It was a look that I could never really imitate, but a look she had it mastered. Males came as clients. From time to time she would let one of two of them apply for house boy status. In order to obtain the exalted status of Tara's house boy they were required to work for her a certain number of hours each month. For the most part they had to be over fifty year old. Younger males, Tara explained, were too interested in them selves. Yes, they still paid. Yes, they paid for the privilege of working for Tara, and for being a little closer to her.

Most all of the physical work done in the studio was done by the house boys. They would clean the toilets with a sponge, they would later use the same sponge on the floor. Tara didn't believe in giving them mops. Tara felt that the proper way for a male to clean the floor was to be down on all fours with a bucket and a sponge. There was a private yard and garden that the males kept up. If she wanted to punish a guy she might send him out to the back yard to cut the grass with a pair of scissors. It Tara was working on the computer, she might have a house boy do nothing but stand their holding a glass of water.

If Tara was not certain about how submissive a male was she might do smoothing like spit in his face just to see the reaction. She explained that a well trained submissive should be too intimated to wipe the spit off his face until given permission. If a male started to wipe her spit away he would then be given a hard face slap. One of the things men would often request is for a mistress to unirate in their face. This is something she didn't do. If this was what a male wanted, they needed to go other places.

It was not that Tara was mean or that she hated men. Quite to the contrary Tara had a husband whom she cared about. Tara often said that she got into the business because she liked to be around men. Tara was a devoted feminist who believed women should have more authority in the world. By training men to submit to her authority she felt like she was performing a useful service. Yes, in some ways she was correct. Of course, the way you handle a man as a dominatrix is very different than a mistress wife. On a more personal perspective I could not imagine spiting in John's face, or having him clean the kitchen floor with a sponge.

One of the things I observed was that the men who had worked for Tara and company as house boys were very conditioned to obeying women. Any little gesture or directive was met with instant obedience. While these men enjoyed their role of servant there was noting that got them as excited as obeying a females direct order. Yes, remember in the blog when I had the house boy lick my shoes.
I was mad over being late, and having wet grass on them. It occurred to me later that that licking my shoes clean was probable the highlight of this guy's day. Then, of course, it occurred to me that John was one of these males that licked the underside of women's shoes. Well, some where about that time I decided that if John was ever going to lick the underside of a women's shoes again it was going to my shoes. If John wanted to clean toilets with a sponge, it was going to be my toilets.

While I don't like to give advice on how to do things there is one thing that I would tell any women.
If your man tells you he is submissive, wants you to dominate him, or something along those lines; listen to him. It took a a great deal of courage for him to open up to you in this fashion. If you love him don't reject his needs out of hand. Rejecting a man for something he needs, that is a part of his nature, is the same thing as rejecting him.

Stay, Come and Fetch

2011-06-22T12:58:00.000-05:00

Stay, Come, and Fetch sounds like simple skills for any man to master. In some ways yes, but in other ways no. It depends a lot on the teacher.

From time to time any women can expect to have some behavioral issues with her guy. It is an imperfect world. Regardless of how well you train a man there will be behavioral problems of some type. This is why a wife needs the self confidence to administer effective punishment. However, constant or consistent behavioral problems is an indication of poor training.

In a femdom marriage training a husband is the responsibility of the wife. When a man is lacking discipline it is a negative reflection on the women who owns him. This past summer I was very impressed with Karen. We went out to dinner. As we entered the restaurant, she gave her husband a one word command, 'stay'. With that command Jeff instantly understood that he would not be eating with us. There was no back talk, there were no questions asked; Jeff heard the command, and understood what was required. When we left the restaurant, Jeff was standing in the same exact spot he was when given the command to stay.

On the way to the car I took the moment to compliment Karen on how well her husband was trained. Yes, the compliment brought a smile to her face. In a later email Karen told me that she had passed the compliment along to Jeff. In my experience men love to hear that mistress received a compliment because of their behavior, or because of something they did. A simple statement like your house is so lovely will always bring a smile to John. Yes, John cleans to the standards set my mistress, but he takes pride in his work.

A lot of what works for Karen happened because she took the trouble to learn to be a mistress. She carried on an email conversations with several women, she read books, and she joined a group of local women. She made the effort to learn. One of the smart things about Tara was that she understood the value of a wife training the husband. From time to time Tara told me she had couples coming to her with a request from the wife for Tara to train the husband. Tara's approach was to train the wife so that she could in turn train the husband.

Tara would work with a husband and wife in the studio, but believed the real training of a male occurred in the home. In her opinion it was up to wife to enforce discipline in the home, and to set proper rules and standards of conduct for the male to follow. In this regard I believe she was correct. Tara had very strict rules for males to follow. If a client or house boy needed to ask a question he could not speak until invited to do so. The procedure was for the guy to drop to the floor, 'command position' and wait to be acknowledged. After a few minutes or so Tara would generally say something like, 'yes boy, you may speak'. This type of discipline works in the studio, but is more or less impractical in the home.

What I have found to work in the home is repetitive training. Upon a snap of my fingers John is required to drop to the floor. (Toes, knees, and elbows on the floor) This is a basic skill that we practice every day. It is part of learning to 'stay'. John understands that the command can be given to him any place, any time. Sometimes I will catch him by surprise. Sometimes he knows the snap is coming. Often times I will have him down and up fifteen or twenty times before leaving him in the down position for a few minutes. The point is to make dropping to the floor, upon command, so automatic that it is second nature to him.

(To be Continued)

A Man With His Own Money

2011-06-22T08:59:00.001-05:00

Yes, thank all of you for the comments. "A man with his own money, will look for some other honey".
That is a rule of thumb every new bride should learn. It is not that a man does not love his wife, it is just that males are programed to look for other honey.

I love the idea of the GPS watch and the cell phone. There is no reason why a married man should have any privacy from his wife. Is this cell plan available with any of the companies, or is it a certain one?

Kathy

The Wiener Principle

2011-06-21T13:05:00.001-05:00

Some one made the comment that Congressmen Wiener would have been better off if he had a dominatrix for a wife. Well, I don't know about that. However, this might be a good opportunity to christen the Wiener Principle.

The Wiener Principle states that a wife should always know what her husband is doing, who he is doing it with, and where he goes on both his work time and time aways from the job.

Along with a marriage certificate a women should be given soft ware so that she can know exactly what Internet sites her husband visits, who he emails, who emails to him, and a record of all of his phone calls. She should have a GPS device on her guy's car that records its where abouts.

Very soon the technology will be available where by a small chip can be implanted in a man to send a constant signal as to his location. Yes, if this technology is developed I see a chip in John's future.

In general men should not be allowed to carry money beyond a small amount for emergency. A credit card where every purchase is listed is much better. A married man should never be allowed credit without the written permission of his wife.

Sometimes I wonder if males should even be allowed to run for high political office. It gives them too much freedom, and too much disposable income.

In the real world I realize that it is impossible to control a man in this way. However, in the real world a wife should never let down her guard. The guys love to talk about chastity devices. Up until now these things have been more of a novelty. However, how many times does a politician have an affair, and then ask forgiveness from the wife. The politician goes on national television to ask that the wife takes him back. Well, one of these women should have the courage to say she is taking him back, but from that time forward he will be wearing a chastity device, and then displays the key on national television.

Setting an example like that would make other man think twice before doing something stupid.

Love, Mistress

You Are What You Eat??

2011-06-19T09:07:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for the comments. My own feeling is that relationships are better when one person takes the lead, but that is not always true. Lydia pointed out that many of her friends are in egalitarian relationships, and it works fine for them. Sometimes I wonder how many of these egalitarian relationships are less then, or more than equal on the inside. Femdom relationships are like anything else. Most people tend to get better at things they do on a regular basis. Could it be that femdom works best for John and I because that it what we have been practicing for so long?

There are times when you sit back and ask yourself questions. Because of the nature of our relationship is it possible that John has lost the ability to live life as a free person? Is it possibly that I could not be happy unless there was a man to boss around? Then, I ask my self the next question. If something happened to me, who would supervise John? Becoming a man's mistress is a responsibility not to be taken lightly.

A little while back John and I were in the farmer's market on a Saturday afternoon. Why it is still called the farmer's market, I don't know. They have all types of merchandise for sale. At the same display was an attractive younger lady looking at jewellery. She was tall, thin, and quite pretty. I was paying no attention to her until she suddenly called a man's name, snapped her fingers, and turned quickly to walk off.

Looking at the direction of the call, I observed an older man with a look of panic on his face. As this lady walked off he drooped the pair of sunglasses he was holding, and hurried to catch up with the women. Well, I thought, this gentlemen may not know how to heel, but at least he knows to come.
Looking at this younger lady I wondered it she had taught her guy to stay and fetch.

Love, Mistress

An Old Expression

2011-06-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

There is an old expression that kinda goes like 'you are what you eat'. In a lot of ways I believe there is some truth in in this old saying. John has always been submissive. There has never been any doubt about my baby's submissive personality. However, I can't help but believe that years of training and discipline have tended to make John even more obedient.

In the last posting I talked a little about 'baisc' training. Men are sweet, loving, and in a way simple creatures compared to women. I don't mean simple in a derogatory manner. My uncle understood how to train his hunting dogs. Many of techniques my uncle used can be used to train a man. About eight years ago there was actually a book that came out recommending that women use the same training techniques for their guy as are used on dogs. It was a little thin book, written tongue in cheek, that was sold in the joke book section. However, after reading the book it occurred to me that there was a great deal of truth in this little vignette. Yes, in my opinion it should have been displayed in the relationship section of the bookstore.

In the next posting I will talk more about 'basic' training. It is important for both the husband in a femdom relationship as well as the wife. Just as a man need to learn to take orders, a women needs to learn to give orders. Just as a male learns to accept female leadership in his life, it is important that women learn to be become leaders.

If any one knows the name of this little book please post it on the comment section.

Love, Mistress

A New direction???

2011-06-13T05:30:00.002-05:00

Based on the last few postings it is quite clear that the blog has been going in a different sought of direction than was originally intended. More and more comments seam to come in with a what would you do type of tone to them. Everyone is different, and I don't pretend to have the answers for other people. Still the questions come in, and it is interesting to look at other people's situation in the light of my own experiences.

I have not heard any thing back from Stormy. From time to time I have heard of women who have had more than one submissive male living with them. This is not a situation I am envious of by any means.
In my way of thinking one male is enough to train and discipline. Two guys get in the way of each other. If you want to manage two male submissives, there would have to be very firm rules on how they interacted.

The posting about Stormy did bring out some thoughts from people who have not previously commented. To me the key to Stormy's situation is training. In order for a women to be happy in a relationships with a submissive man he needs to be properly trained. He needs to be properly disciplined. By discipline I mean the system of controls and rules that governs a man's life.
In my experience men need these controls to be happy. There are times when these rules may seam petty or ridiculous, but in the long run they serve a purpose. Men need to know what 'Her' rules are.

A good training program for a man needs to start with the little things, what I call the basics. To some people what I am about to say will seam ridiculous, but they are lessons every man living in a femdom relationship needs to understand. The first command a male in a femdom relationship needs to learn is 'stay'. The next thing he needs to learn is 'come' and then 'fetch'. When these basic skills have been mastered, he should move on to' heel".What I have found is most men are fairly good at the three basic skills, but often have trouble with heel.

For John and I femdom is about a way of life. It is not about playing a game, or dressing him in a certain way. The relationship John and I share is about him living under my authority as head of house, and as his personal mistress. John, like a lot of other men enjoys a certain feeling of contentment that comes with living as the submissive servant of a women who loves him. This is his primary reward for being a good little obedient slave boy. Sometimes I like to call him my little slave boy. Yes, a good little slave boy. That is what men like John become after years of taking orders and serving. It is a very natural role for him. The place where John feels most natural is on his knees in front of a loving, but demanding mistress.

For men like my John the feeling of inner contentment goes beyond the occasional thrill that may come with being called to order, being ordered about, or be made to wear certain types of clothing. There are times when we play this or that, but the lifestyle is not really about play. It is not really about BDSM. We are older and the need to play a game of femdom is not what it seams be for younger couples. But yes, there are times when we laugh together, there are times when I laugh at John. One of the strange little lessons I have learned over the years is that men love to have women laugh at them. Tara told me that when you have a client do something really stupid, like crawl on all fours, be sure to laugh at him. Go figure!

Like other couples we have times of stress. Our children are out of the house, on their own, so the house is really ours to enjoy as we wish. Still, we are reasonably busy people, and like everyone there are times when we need to deal with problems. It is often these problems that bring out the strength in our femdom relationship. In those times John will look to me for guidance, for leadership in direction on which course to chart. John understands that he is the follower in the relationship. In my opinion this is the essence of a good, healthy femdom marriage. In times of stress, a husband may have a role in decision making, but understands that the final decision will be up to the wife. We may have discussion, but when I make a decision John understands his responsibility is to say 'yes mistress' and does everything he can to support the decision. Above all John understands that there is to be no back talking.

Love you all, Kathy

Too Much Testosterone

2011-06-09T08:08:00.001-05:00

This posting is related to a question from a lady by the name of Stormy. She asked me not to publish her comment because it contained some personal information. However, she felt comfortable with me publishing a response. Her situation is not exactly common, but neither is it unique. From what I understand she would appreciate any suggestions.

Stormy's situation is that she lives in a private house with two men whom she considers to be her submissives. She tells me that she loves both of them. She doesn't want to be in a position to chose one over the other. The issue, however, is that the two guys tend to fight and argue with each other. She has tried to break them of the habit, but nothing has really works. Stormy tells me they get into an argument almost every day. It is often over little things such as whose turn it is to wash the dishes. If she picks one of the guys to sleep with, the other one get jealous. Stormy tells me that she often sleeps alone, leaving each of them in their respective bedrooms because she doesn't want the green eyes monster.

In her comment Stormy asked me for any suggestions on how to control the arguing between these two testosterone loaded males. In my response I told her this was pretty much out of my area of experience, but we might have a reader or two with a suggestion.

In our girl's group males are generally not allowed to speak with each other in the presence of a female.
There is a common attitude that men are to be seem and not heard. In any event we want to keep the character of the discussions female. When permission is given for a man to enter into the conversation, it is given for a limited amount of time. As a general rule I would feel that any verbal communications between Stormy's guys should be limited to times when they are not in her presence. However, this might not be practical in a three way living arrangement.

The rule in the studio, and it more or less worked, was that males were not allowed to talk to other males in presence of a female. Tara told me on several occasions that it was very difficult to manage two males in the same room. The way she put it there was simply too much testosterone to keep in check. This was particularly true with the younger submissives who wanted to strut their stuff.

In the studio Tara told me about a situation with two house boys who got into an argument with each other.
She had each of them strip naked. She then connected each end of a very short lead to their collars. She put a lock on each end, and sent them to the back yard garden to work in the hot sun. With the short lead connected between them they worked shoulder to shoulder. Tara told me they were so close to each other that they could feel the sweat on each other person's body.

When Tara felt they had worked long enough, she brought them back into the house. Without removing the lead she put them both into the shower stall with a face towel and soap. She then told them that each of them was wash and scrub the other male from from head to toe. She told me it was hysterical to watch them maneuver in the tiny stall trying in vain not to touch the private parts of the other one. When they were finished she had them towel dry each other. She then unleashed them, and had them apologise to her for causing a problem.

What Tara did with these two males may have worked in the studio, but Stormy has a very different situation. Her two guys are together on a more or less permanent basis. If any one has any ideas on how to handle this situation, Stormy would love to hear them. She makes the point that she wants to keep both of her guys as live in domestics. Anyone have ideas?

Response To Dave

2011-06-08T08:26:00.001-05:00

Baby,

Thank you for the comment related to your situation. Like a lot of young men of today you are about to enter a brave new world where the women of your life is going to control your destiny. However, it is not about what I think, it is about what you want.

What I have said on various occasions is that femdom relationships are not for everyone. The truth is that they may not even be for most people. There is, however, a growing number of people who desire to live in some form of this lifestyle. There are many men out there who would love the chance to live as the helpmate of a strong, confident wife. The question is are you one of these men?

If you can not make that decision for your self it is a sign that you do indeed need the authority of a women in your life. It is quite possible that your girl friend has recognized a lack of ability on your part to make decisions? It is also possible that she understands what is best for you. If you love your girlfriend and want to make a life with her, than the answer may be to trust in her judgment.

Dave, one question for you. Have you taken the step to talk with your girl friend about your insecurity.
Does your girlfriend understand your doubts? If not, this may be the time to do so. Your girlfriend understands you much better than anyone else. This might be the moment to put yourself in her hands to see how if all feels. If it dosen't feel right, it is better to know before marraige.

Love,Kathy

My Take- How Do You Know

2011-06-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

It was fun reading the comments to the last posting. They touched on a side of femdom I have been wanting to talk about for a while. How do you know it will be a 'yes dear' or a 'femdom' marriage. What are the indications that your bride to be is 'looking' to take control you? Here is my take.

First, of course, if she tells you that she doesn't want you making any decisions it is a very clear statement of her intentions. At that point you might as well buy the collar and the leash. It will save her the trip to the store. If she makes more money than you do, and she wants separate checking accounts, it is a good indication she wants financial freedom. If she tells you that you will be on an allowance after the marriage, it means she will control the house hold money. It also means that she will expect you to ask permission before making purchases. These are all very good indications that your future wife wants to be the in charge person in your relationship.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with any bride to be requiring these things of her future husband. Most men want a wife who can and is willing to take control of the decision making and the finances. My only recommendation is that these things should start months before marriage. If gives every one a chance to understand what life will be like after the vows are made. The first time a man signs over his paycheck to a women it can be a little scary for him. After five years most men don't even look at the amount of the check. What ever it is they simply understand that the check belongs to the wife. This is just life in a femdom marriage. If you are a male who has trouble accepting the fact that you will not have free access to money, a femdom marriage is not right for you.

Aside form the decision making, if you find your self living living in your girlfriend's orbit it is a good indication she wants to control you. For example, it you find your self doing things almost exclusively with her friends and family to the exclusion of your friends and family it means she is controlling your relationships. When she instructs you to spend Saturday helping her sorority sisters pack and move, it is a good sign you are going to live under her authority. Also, when the sorority girls thank your girlfriend for all the work you have done, it is an indication they know who has the authority. The final step in when the sorority sisters don't even bother to ask you if you can come back the next day, but simply ask your girlfriend if you are available.

You may recall one day last year when John was volunteered to help a friend move to a new apartment.
My friend was very appreciative She thanked both John and I for the help. There was some work to be done the following day. She asked John if he would mind coming back for just an hour or so. John, like a good obedient husband responded that it would be better if she asked Kathy about our plans for the next day. As far as John is concerned it is a women's world. Men are allowed to live in it, but it is the women who make the decisions and control things. Ask yourself, is this the life you want?

Yes, for all those who wonder, I like living in a world that is female orientated. Yes, I like having a husband who does what he is told, when he is told. The longer I am in a femdom marriage the more I believe this type of relationship works best for most couples.

Some time ago my girl friends and I shared an observation. In each case we had a number of friends. In the discussion about the male friends of our husbands we noted they were few and far between.
As far as the guy is concerned, a femdom marriage can be very demanding of time and energy. With having to get permission to do things, some men may simply decide to do the ironing Saturday morning instead of playing golf. This has not happened with John. However, some guy activities, such as going out to bars are usually off limits to most men in a femdom relationship. If going to clubs and bars is an activity you like doing with guy friends, a femdom marriage will usually mean an end to the Wednesday night ritual.

In a femdom relationship the wife has the freedom to go and come just like a single women. Over time this makes it easier to do things with friends. The loss of freedom for the man generally has the opposite affect.
Sometime ago I wrote about the darker side of femdom. In my opinion it is important for a women to give her man time to visit with his family. Where ever possible she should make an attempt to be part of his family.

It was just last week I received an email from a young man who was entering into a femdom type of marriage. His wife to be had the courtesy to ask his mother's permission to take her son's hand in marriage.
This lady also made it a point to get to know her man's mother and his sister. I was very impressed that this young lady had the good sense to want to be part of her future husband's family. As I previously wrote there are times when a dominant wife may shut off her man from his family. This is something that I do not
approve of.

Love, Mistress

Where Has All The Poetry Gone

2011-06-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

On this Monday morning I can not help but being just a little bit disappointed with the male readers of the blog.

Judged by the number of 'hits' and the number of comments, 'conversations with my daughter, May 28th', was very well received. In the posting I asked the gentlemen readers of the blog for two things.
First, to do some special service for their wives. Some little task that the wife normally does. Second, I asked that they try to think of their wife as also being their mistress.

Of course, I was looking for feedback. Does thinking of your wife as a mistress change your perception of her? What task was you able to do for her. Well, that was a week ago, and as of yet there has not been one reply. Was this such a difficult assignment?

Love, Kathy

A Fun Day

2011-06-03T18:12:00.001-05:00

Today was a fun day. I had decided to take the day off from work. A friend invited me to lunch in the quarter. It was a bit hot, but we still took time to visit the galleries on Royal Street. Sometimes I wish that John and I lived closer to the city. Every time I walk the quarter and the Marigny it brings back memories.
One of the stores we walked into this afternoon was one I had previously visited with a Tara. She though nothing of walking into a store with a leashed male.

For a young women Tara had a great deal of confidence in her self. Tara would tell me not to be not to be embarrassed about holding a man's leash. After all, she would say, he is the one wearing the leash and collar. There was no reason for the lady to be embarrassed. She would then hand me the leash so that I could get a feel for it. She would tell me that if the guy wasn't exactly where I wanted him to be, not be embarrassed about yanking the leash. She told me that the leash was sought of a training tool used to teach men how to heel. By heeling she meant walking in step with the lady, but one step behind.

In Tara's wold every thing was done a certain way, and there were always rules for a man to follow. A slight tug of the leash was the signal for the man to start walking. Two quick tugs meant to stay in place.
Once you got a little used to having a man on a leash it was fine. Then, of course, I would wonder how many times she had John on that same little leash. She didn't like to talk about John except to say that he was a very subservient man. In her opinion he was a man that always needed to be on a mental leash if not a physical one. She is the one that encouraged me to keep a small leash in my purse so that it would always be convenient. John likes the sense of secutity that comes with being on a leash. Once, while on the leash I decided to test him. Yes, two quick tugs, John knew to stop.

Femdom marriage is about love. It is about commitment, and an open acknowledgement that the wife is head of the house and mistress to her man. The relationship in a yes dear marriage is more casual. The male in an yes dear marriage may be very accustomed to accepting orders from his wife, but her authority is implied.
In a yes dear marriage the wife never says to her man, 'you will obey me', and the man responds with yes, mistress.

To a large extend I believe many men need the security of living in a real femdom marriage where the duty of obedience is clearly stated by the wife. In some ways a yeas dear relationship is a lot like stealth submission.
It is better than nothing, but the male needs to have his service acknowledged. He sought of needs the wife to tell him 'good boy', you did as told.

When I met with Karen last summer I was greatly impressed with how confident she had become. She never raised her voice, but every time she spoke with Jeff she did so with a certain air of authority. She spoke to Jeff in a way that that he clearly understood what his marching orders were. When Karen told Jeff that he was to wait for us in front of the restaurant, there was simply a yes ma'am. There was no discussion or what if I get hungry. As far as Jeff was concerned, mistress had spoken, and that was enough. Too many man have a way of arguing back.

Back talk from a man happens, but if it happens on a regular basis it means something is wrong. It is generally a lack of training, or a lack of real discipline.

Love, Mistress

About Wearing a Mini Skirt

2011-06-01T15:48:00.002-05:00

Thank all of you for the great comments. When I see a women wearing a mini skirt it tells me that she has a certain amount of self confidence. To me, a big part of learning to be a man's mistress is simply having the confidence in your self to do it. It doesn't always come easy, but I truly believe that a women who has confident in her abilities can accomplish almost anything she wants.

The other thing to remember about confidence is that it builds up with practice. It is like learning to ride a two wheel bicycle. In the beginning it may seam sought of scary. Then, all of a sudden you have it. Then, you wonder what the big deal was about, and the ride becomes fun. For all of this to work you need to be open to new experiences.

As a women grows in confidence she becomes more willing to take chances. The ride is fun. She peddles faster and faster. She makes mistakes from time to time, but she still moves forward. What I would tell any women dealing with a submissive husband is don't be overly afraid of making mistakes. Be willing to laugh at your self. Be willing to laugh at your man.

Always remember the good lord has given you this beautiful, loving submissive man for your pleasure. He is there to serve you, obey you, and make your life better. Enjoy him.

Love, Kathy

Mini Skirts Over 35?

2011-05-30T10:07:00.002-05:00

It is very nice to have a three day weekend even when you don't have anything special planed. John is catching up with some laundry and ironing. A little later in the morning he will be cleaning bathrooms, and vacuuming. Housework is good for men. It gives them a chance to use their muscles. Later in the day I will have John work outside for a little while. It is too hot to work in the heat for long, but I will send him out for forty five minutes or so to clean up the garden. The weeds never stop growing. Weeding is the job he hates the most. It is one of those jobs that makes him really feel like a slave.

This morning John is wearing a new pair of panties that I bought for him. John, like a lot of men likes to wear pretty things. Does this make him less of a man? I don't think so. Someone told me about a web site where you can buy pretty little panties and things that are made for a man to wear. Actually, a size ten panty tends to fit John fairly well. John is a big man. Sometimes I wonder how many men would like to wear panties or prettier things if given the opportunity. Suppose a man could go into the men's department of a store, and purchase a little skirt of some type? This may seam fore fetched, but now men are buying the type of skinny jeans that were previously reserved for women.

Every time I turn on the computer there are some interesting comments. It seams like Neo posts under a different name every time. It is obvious that Neo and I have different ideas about the place of men and women in the world. Most people don't agree with the idea of a femdom marriage. I will be the first to admit that ten years ago the idea of a women taking control of her husband was very strange. However, at that point in my life I also thougth that women over thirty five should never wear a mini skirt.

Tara taught me to have the self confidence to wear a mini skirt, and to do a lot of things that previously seamed beyond the pale. Yes, things like walking into a store with a grown man on a leash. The first time I ordered a man to strip naked it seamed so strange. It seamed to natural to look away when his little soldier came out. By the third or forth time, it seamed so perfectly natural. In the studio men always obeyed. Liz taught me that it was perfectly 'Ok' for a more or less ordinary women to live with a husband who treated her like a mistress. Ten years ago I thought a mistress was a women who slept with a married man. Go figure. Different times, different definitions.

Yes, also there was a special comment that I would like to recognize. The story of Kathy and John is a love story. Why is it that Liz agreed to visit Tara, and learn how to be a mistress. Why does a young women marry a military man who takes her to the furthest portions of the globe. It is the oldest answer in the book, because she loves him. If she can find it in her heart to so, learning to be a husband's mistress is an act of love.

Love you all for reading. For Neo try to soften your heart to other ideas.

Mistress

Note for Subserviant Husband and Others

2011-05-29T08:02:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for the comments. It may very well be that my daughter if living in some sought of a femdom marriage with her man. It doesn't really matter to me as long at they are happy. In my opinion it is sad for all the men that are submissive, that have a need for real, active female control in their lives; not to have it.

In a way it is time for men to step up. Yes, of course, with the royal wedding it is interesting that Kate did not take a vow of obedience. This is a sign that the world has changed. However, what I would like to see is more men willing to step up, and themselves take a vow of obedience in front of friends and family.

One day in the not too distant future it may be socially acceptable for men to vow to obey their wife. At this time it does require a great deal of courage. It takes a real man to admit that he is submissive, and be willing
to walk the walk.

Mistress

Conversations With My Daughter-Continued

2011-05-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

I am not really sure what type of relationship Becky has with her husband. It may be a 'Yes Dear' type of marriage, or it be a little something more. Also, depending on circumstances, relationships have a way of changing, altering course over time. In the years to come it will be interesting to watch the interaction of Becky and Steven.

One of the things that I do see about the young women of today is that like their mothers they want to have a permanent relationship with a man they love. They may work out side of the home. They may earn more money than their husband, but they do want the feeling coming home to a family that loves them. Most of these women still want the children and the two car garage.

The difference that I see in Becky's generation compared to my generation is their desire for independence.
When we took a ring from a man, it was like giving up part of our freedom. There were things that an engaged women, or married women just should not do. What I observe today is that young women no longer want to give us their freedom in exchange for a ring. They may not want to date other men, but they still want the night out with the girls. They often want to take a separate vacation from their spouse, and yes, they want to spend money as they like. In short, many of these young brides maintain many of the aspects of independence they enjoyed as single women.

The young women of today often control the family purse, and make the spending decisions for the family.
Remember the 'I love Lucy' show that came on television in the 50s. There was always some dress or hat Lucy wanted to buy, but couldn't purchase it without Ricky's consent. Well, those days are over. In today's version of the 'I love Lucy' show it would be Ricky trying to get Lucy's permission to make a purchase.

None of us know the future. In today's world it is not yet acceptable for a man to be openly obedient to his wife. It is very rare for a man to take the vow obedience in church. However, looking at trends, and looking ahead to the next generation, one can help but wonder?

In the US this is a three day weekend. It is a good weekend for each of you husbands to do a little something special for the women you love. A little job that your wife unusually performs. You can think of it as payment to Mistress Kathy for the blog. When it is convenient, I would like you to make a short comment telling me what special service you performed for your wife, and tell me her reaction. Also, for this weekend I want each of you to think of your wife as being your mistress, act accordingly, and tell me how it makes you feel. Does thinking of your wife as a mistress tend to make you act differently toward her?

Love you all for reading this blog. (Even Neo)

Mistress

Conversatons With My Daughter

2011-05-26T06:58:00.001-05:00

I really enjoyed reading the comments related to the recent postings about my Atlanta trip. Marriages are evolving in a way that our parents generation would never have dreamed. For whatever reason, the young women of today are taking more control of their lives and of their relationships. The comment from Bob was one of my favorites. Yes, while most women would not want a husband to live as their slave, they do expect a certain level of obedience from their men. Most of Bob's married friends are clearly in relationships where the wife expects the husband to ask permission before making purchases or doing things on his own. Although there in no formal acknowledgement, there is a tacit understanding that the wife is indeed head of the house, and is the person with authoirty to make decisions for the family.

When you are out and about with your daughter you notice the little things. Becky and I were looking at furniture when her friend called about the Saturday night dinner. Becky accepted the invitation without a thought of asking her husband. When we got home there was simply a statement to Steven that mom and I were going to dinner with the girls. There was no asking permission of the husband, or checking with him first. For a few minutes I was wondering whether she was going to have Steven drive, and then wait for us in front of the restaurant. This is what I might have done with John. That didn't happen, but then Becky dropped the next little shoe.

Before we left the house Becky asked Steven what he was going to do for dinner. If he was going to pick up something, she needed to give him some money. She also suggested that he might want to down load a movie. While she did not come out and say so, it was clear that Becky expected her husband to stay home on a Saturday evening while she went out with mom and friends. By no means this was going to be some sought of wild party evening with a husband left at home to clean house. However, it was a clear declaration of personal freedom that a wife from an earlier period with not have dared to make. On some level it occurred to me that this might indeed be the new norm for the American family.

On the drive to the restaurant we mainly talked about the furniture, and about Becky's plans for decorating the house. On the way I casually asked Becky if Stephen would be 'ok' with her going out on a Saturday night. She responded with an 'o-sure', I leave him all the time. He doesn't mind being alone for a while. So, since I had an answer to one question, I decided to press my luck with another. 'Does Steven do much with his friends when you are out? No, Becky replied, most of his friends are married, have children, and it is hard for them to get away. Besides Steven knows that I don't really like him to go out without me. Becky want on to say that 'it is not a hard and firm rule, but Steven knows that I don't like him going to clubs and places like that with his friends'.

It was at that point Becky brought the conversation back to the bed room set we were talking about earlier.
In the back of my mind it occurred to me that there was somewhat of a double standard in Becky's marriage. It was very common for her to go out with friends. This was a dinner, but often times these young women went to clubs. On the other hand Becky didn't allow her husband to have the same degree of freedom. Her remark 'this is not a hard and firm rule' made me wonder how many hard and firm rules she actually required her husband to follow. There were more questions that I wanted to ask, but knew it was time to talk about furniture.

As we got ready for bed Sunday night I shared much of the conversation with John. At some point I made the comment that they both seamed to be happy. Yes, John responded that when the guys were together it seamed that Steven was very happy, and really loved Becky. In a joking way, John then asked if I took the opportunity to look in their closets to see if Becky had a whip hidden some place. No, I told John that I didn't go that for, but then John's statement made me wonder?

Love You,

Kathy

Video

2011-05-25T16:34:00.000-05:00

For those who are interested the video can be found at the bottom of the submissive husband blog.

As I stated in the posting this is a very interesting video to watch. One of the things that I don't like about doing a blog is comments from idiots who can not read, or who are completely intolerant of other ideas.

Can anyone tell me where anything was said that implied support for the way the people in this video acted?
If anything, I have both a son and a daughter. In this blog I have always advanced the idea that I wanted the same opportunities for both of my children.

Does any one believe there is a growing tendency in American homes to provide more support, better education for female children? What I personally believe is that on the elementary school level there has been a gradual shift to make schools more girl friendly at the expense of the boys.

If I had a young male child I would want him playing cowboys and soldier, not dolls. However, what I see in school is an attempt to take away the boy type roles, and replace them with more feminine models.

Mistress

Comment On the H. Rosin Video on Submissve Husband blog

2011-05-25T07:29:00.000-05:00

I believe this video is of interest more for what it shows than for what it says. In the video it is only the females who are allowed to express an opinion. The place of the males is simply to listen. When the male child speaks, he is quickly admonished to silence. The father, of course, has been trained. The father understands his place is to listen. His only active role in the family structure is to make sure that the male child follows the rules established by the mother. You could easily imagine the wife giving her husband a little pat on the head when he silences the male child for speaking.

Sunday Evening Continued

2011-05-23T17:03:00.000-05:00

Except for business it is very seldom that John and I travel separately. The weekend trip to Atlanta was a spur of the moment thing. My daughter has a very pretty house. It is indeed much nicer than anything John and I could have afforded when we were that age. Of course, back them my share of the family income was very small. The younger women of today simply don't realize the way things have changed since the 70s.
Most of the changes have been for the good.

On Saturday night my daughter and I had dinner with a small group of her friends. At first, I said 'no'. The truth is that I didn't want to nuzzle in on her territory. Becky finally convinced me it would be fun, and yes, it was indeed a good time. My only stipulation was that the girls were to call me Kathy, and not Mrs whatever.

As it turned out all three of the girls were in permanent type relationships. Two of them were married, and the other had been living with a guy for some time. This was not a femdom group. This was just a small group of twenty something women trying to make sense of the world they were living in. We talked about a lot of things, including men and money. Two of the three young women made more money then their significant other. The third women worked, but had a spouse who was laid of from a bank, and who can not seam to find a new employment.

Of these four young women, including my daughter, I believe Becky was the most satisfied with her situation. One of the women complained about how she had to support her husband. The other two were trying to figure out how to persuade a man to do his fair share of the house work. As it turned out Becky was the only one who was quite certain that her man was safely at home. The other women were not quite sure what their guy was doing that evening.

A short time ago I watched a video on the S-H blog. It may have been the H. Rosin video, but I am not quite sure. It expressed the idea that among young women of today men have become the new ball and chain. As I chatted with these young professionals, the thought occurred to me that yes, there is some degree of truth in the article.

Love You All,

Kathy

Sunday Night

2011-05-22T20:49:00.000-05:00

Thank all of you for posting. I have been visiting my daughter in Atlanta for the last several days, and have been away from the computer.

My daughter has a new house, and is in the process of furnishing it. She invited me to stay with her for a few days to visit a few furniture stores.

For Alex, you have not done anything to make me angry. I am not sure why several of your comments have not been published. The last one had you email address, and was not published for that reason. I do, however, read all comments. Your comments are appreciated. My email address has been published in the blog, and you are welcome to send an email to me.

In some ways I am very conflicted. In a large sense I have developed into somewhat of a feminist over the last few years. However, I have both a son and a daughter. I love them both, and want the same opportunities for both of them. The issue for my son and for many young men like him is that the young women of today are taking the lead in business and in relationships. Quite frankly many young men don't quite understand the 'brave new world' society is forcing on them.

Thank all of you for reading. You know, a blog is only fun when someone reads it. Femdom is a very sensitive subject. At home John and I practice an extreme version of the femdom life style. It is not for everyone. However, as I posted a little while back the feminist, femdom lifestyle is alive and well. In the end I believe it will be good for both men and the women who love them.

Love you all,

Mistress

A New Level of Understanding Part 2

2011-05-17T04:03:00.001-05:00

Most of you who have read the blog know that I have a small group of 'special' friends who follow the femdom lifestyle to a greater or lesser degree. Even though we agree on the basic principle that the wife should normally be head and mistress of the house, there are a number of places where we have differences of opinion.

Carmen is a lovely, highly spirited Spanish lady with a temper that can quickly bring a man to his knees. Tara introduced her to the femdom lifestyle, and she took to it like a duck to water. Of course, it was her husband who introduced her to Tara and company. Tara and her husband have one child who is now an adult. Like her mother Carmen's daughter is a bright young lady who has firm ideas on certain issues. She speaks several languages, and frequently travels the Americas on business. She is very much aware of her parent's lifestyle, and is accepting of it.

When Carmen was required to return to her native country for several weeks she wanted someone who could properly supervise her husband and run the family home. Like any women she didn't want her husband getting into trouble in the way that men can often do. Since her husband could not write checks from their bank account, she wanted a women who could be responsible for paying the family bills, and who could make decisions in her absence. It was not that her husband was incapable of doing these things, she simply felt it was not an appropriate responsibility for a man in a femdom relationship. She also wanted someone who thought like her, and her daughter fit the bill perfectly.

It was at lunch when Carmen presented us the idea of putting her husband under the authority of her daughter while she was away. Our little group sought of had mixed feelings about it. We quickly agreed that it was not a good idea to leave an adult male unattended, unsupervised for as long as she was going to be away. Also, we agreed it was not a good idea to give a man unlimited access to the family checking account or credit cards. However, none of us really liked the idea of putting a man under the authority of his adult daughter. To our little group there was just something that didn't seam right about having a daughter in position where she would be required to supervise her father. In many ways it seamed unfair to both of them.

In the discussion, over a nice bottle of our favorite wine, Carmen pushed her case. We all knew she was going to do what she wanted, but it was also obvious that she wanted our feedback. Carmen said a man like her husband needed some type of female supervision at all times. Her daughter was an adult, very mature, and thought things out the way she did. We kind of said, yes, but there was still something that bothered us about the arrangement. Carmen also reminded us that her daughter knew all about the nature of their lifestyle, and from time to time had shown an interest in it for her self. On some level, she thought, it would give her daughter good experience at handling a man.

In our little meeting we asked Carmen if her husband with accept their daughter as a person of authority. w. Carmen's response was he better, if he knows what is good for him. Her response was 'if I have a problem with him that requires me to return from South America, he will never hear the end of it'.

At the time my opinion was that a daughter, even and adult daughter, should never be placed in a position where she had any type of supervisory authority over her father. It was not good for either the daughter or the father. It was in my opinion bad for their long term relationship. For the most part I continue to feel this way. However, the little experiences with Becky have caused me to rethink my position on the issue.

In my opinion there may be times where it is appropriate for an adult daughter to have some type of limited supervisory authority over her father. In the next posting I will talk more about my recent thinking on this sensitive topic.While I am not saying Carmen was correct is what she proposed, I am saying there may be circumstances where some flexibility may be advisable.

Mistress Kathy

Note for Submissive Husband

2011-05-14T07:24:00.000-05:00

Thank you for the question, but the general answer is no. I don't really think there is anything sexy or romantic about a man who dresses in an effeminate manner.

What I will admit is that the little Koolot skirts are quite becoming on John. They are sought of short, but then they no shorter than the normal shorts many men wear on the street. The little skirts are cute, but not sexy.
These little skirts are very convenient. They provide enough modesty that I have no problem with John wearing them in front of his sister, or when repair men are visiting the house.

It was about a year or two ago that I stumbled on a small store in the quarter that was selling frilly, ruffled panties in sizes big enough for most men. I was with a couple of my special girl friends and each of us bought a pair for our husbands. As it turned out the pair I bought for John didn't really fit him very well. There was too much stitching, and they wouldn't stretch in the way most panties will. They were too tight around the legs.

A few weeks later when one of my friends had the opportunity, she took the liberty of showing her guy off in the pantie. My reaction was that it was funny, but not sexy. Oh, don't feel sorry for this little man.
He got a thrill from being shown off. Most men will. In his presence I made it a special point to tell his wife how pretty he looked.

What I believe is that most women might find these little feminine things cute or funny, but not sexy on a man.
For my money if a guy is well build I would rather just see him without a shirt, or if really well built with nothing at all on. (May be a cow boy hat) This is just my opinion, and would love to hear what other women think about this topic.

Love Kathy

My Take - Feminazation Continued

2011-05-09T11:18:00.001-05:00

While, thank all of you for the great comments. Please excuse me for not responding earlier, but it has been a busy weekend. Between Jazz Fest, a party and the Air Show there has been a lot going on. When some one post a comment, I like to publish it as soon as possible. Unfortunately, both John and I have been away from the computer for most of the weekend.

Learning to be a mistress-wife is very different from being a dominatrix. The biggest difference is that you have a loving relationship with a husband that is not based on money. In the studio there was less fear about doing something wrong. As wives, we need always be concerned about doing something that may damage our man in some way. We have so much control over our husbands, and they depend on us in so many ways, being a mistress-wife is a responsibility to be taken seriously.

What I believe is that Feminizing is something a mistress-wife needs to be very careful about. What I believe is that very few wives want a husband who dresses like a women, or who acts like a women. In the short term Feminizing a husband may be a turn on. However, it the wife begins to see her guy as a women or a sissy of some type it can easily have an adverse impact on a relationship. The real life issue of a women taking another man as her lover is a very different than it is plays out in the fantasy books. In real life it is important to understand your man's limits.

We all make mistakes, and I have made my share. Showing a husband off in a humiliating way can be a turn on, or it can be an experience that makes him ashamed of him self. If a man has misbehaved, there may be good reason for making him feel shame in some way. When John was required to wear the hair ribbon on the New Your trip there was sought of a purpose. This was punishment, and I wanted him to feel ashamed of him self for the way he disrespected me. However, the punishment was given out on the spur of the moment when I was very angry. This can be dangerous.

In retrospect, requiring John to wear a hair ribbon all day through the streets of NY was probably more punishment then he deserved. In hind sight the punishment should have been mitigated. Before going into the restaurant that evening, John apologised for the way he acted, and asked if he might be allowed to remove the ribbon. Well, back then I was very much into that non forgiving dominatrix style of thought, and told him absolutely not. It was not until we were back to the hotel room that my attitude softened. John knelt before me, I kissed him, and then told him how proud I was that he accepted his punishment. Yes, I told John that he accepted his punishment like a real man. Then I told John that real men are those that respect their wives authority, and do as told. This still is an important part my personal definition of what being a real man is all about.

Earlier in the blog I talked about my friend from work. This is the girl who went through the nasty divorce.
She would tell me about her divorce, and I would tell her about what John and I were going through. The conversations were a good outlet for both of us in a troubled time. Although this lady was quite a bit younger than John or I we had developed a trusting relationship. It was a Saturday afternoon. We had made a shopping trip while John was at home, in panties, cleaning the house. Since she knew all about the way we were living, I assumed it was be safe to bring her to the house. At it turned out this lady had previously worked in John's office as a receptionist. Because of this prior relationship John was absolutely shocked to have her see him in panties. Well, things happen, life is not perfect. Once he got over the initial shock he was fine. We are still friends. From time to time she still comes over to the house.

We all make mistakes. The comment about being shown off to a friend with his toes polished made me think. This was bad enough. Suppose the mother had made this young man put on a dress. It is quite common for men to be ashamed of them selves for wanting to wear women's clothing, or for wanting to be a sissy. In it self there is nothing wrong with this. However, if the wife views this as unacceptable behavior, it can and will cause relationship issues.

Love, Mistress

My- Take Feminazation

2011-05-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Femdom 101 is now well into its fourth year. The story of Kathy and John has been told. More and more there is the feeling that the blog is drifting along without any real sense of direction or purpose. We do, however, have some very good comments and some insightful questions. As long at there is interest in the blog it is my intention to continue with it. What I would like to do is try something a little different. From now on any posting labeled as 'My Take' will be an attempt to address some of the questions or comments that have been raised by readers.

Over and over again questions have been asked about the feminizing of my husband. Also, for one reason or the other, male readers of the blog always seam to be interested in how John is clothed when it is the two of us along in the house. The other question relates to John's desire to be feminized , and my feelings toward it.

Way back in March 2008 there was a posting entitled 'Men in Panties'. According to the statistics furnished by Google this has been the most viewed posting of the blog. I am not going to repeat it. For most of the femdom portion of our marriage, John has been required to wear panties. When John goes to work he is required to wear panties under his dress slacks. When we are along in the house John is often required to wear panties with only a pull over shirt of some type. The use of the word required may be an exaggeration as John loves the thrill of parading around the house in his little undies. As a general rule this is something I have learned to tolerate. Seeing a grown man in panties is not something that I care about. The reason panties are tolerated, as well as being required attire is that men like John are easier to control when the male ego is kept in check. What I have found is that panties have a way do doing just that.

In recent months I have allowed John to wear little skirts around the house. When we were young, they had a special name for these relatively short skirts with an elastic waistband. "Koolots" They are normally well lined with a little piece of material sown in the middle so that they are relatively modest when considering the short length. With the koolots John will usually wear a blouse, or a 'T' depending on what he is doing.

The truth is I don't like the entire idea of feminizing a man. I want my man strong, muscled, and trim. However, a little touch of lace panties makes it easier for a man to submit. In a funny sought of a way pretty little lace panties has a way of helping to control the male ego. The 'Koolots' and blouse have served a practical purpose. Submissive men have a way of wanting to be shown off to a female while wearing little or no clothing. It excites them. However, unless a man is young and well build most women have very little interest in seeing a half naked man parade in front of them. If I have a friend or repair person in the house, I have no personal issue with letting them see John in a skirt.

The answer for me is that John is allowed to wear some type of feminine clothing, but no make up or wigs. He is always to look like a man in a dress rather than as a women. Would John like to be feminized. The answer to that question is a definite yes, if he were allowed. We watched part of the royal wedding on television. When Kate walked up the aisle of Westminster Abbey you could see the intensity of John's gaze.
I made comment that they are a beautiful couple. Later in the evening when John and I were having our nightly chat, I asked John is he was envious of William. Yes, he answered. It was easy to understand why any man would be envious of William. After all, Kate is a beautiful women. However, I than asked if he was envious of Kate. Yes, was the answer. So, as a mistress entitled to know her husband's most personal thoughts, I asked John why it was he would be envious of Kate. The reply was because she gets to wear that beautiful dress.

Then, I asked John the next question. If we redid our wedding vows, and it was socially acceptable, would he like to wear a wedding gown like the one Kate had on. The answer to question was a sweet little blush.
Yes, I thought how many men, as well as women would love to wear that beautiful wedding gown. Yes, I wondered how many of the guy readers of this blog would like do dress up in that pretty gown if they had the opportunity? Sweet boys, let me hear your thoughts.

Love You All, Kathy

Mistress

An New Level Of Understanding

2011-04-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

John and I had a wonderful visit with our daughter and son-in-law. This was the first time we stayed with them in the new house. There is a bunch more room. Definitely no man cave. There was, however, a nice new wide screen television. We gave the guys permission to watch a sporting match, and the two of us went off shopping. Becky's husband actually asked if it was 'Ok' if they watched a game while we were out.
Becky replied that would be fine.

On the way out to the car Becky told me there was some sought of tournament on the TV that all the guys are watching. I casually asked Becky if her husband, Steven, generally asked her permission to watch television. She replied with a simple, 'yes'. I then responded 'that is good, when left to their own devices men will generally watch too much telvision. Especially sports'.

More and more I can see that my daughter is taking the lead in the relationship with her husband. After the brief exchange on the way to car we let the topic drop. It is the simple little interactions between the two of them that tell much of the story. Becky may or may not have a femdom marriage, but it is at least a 'yes-dear' type of relationship. John pointed out that our son-in-law always addresses me as ma'am, but has taken the liberty of calling him by his first name. This is something that should have been fairly obvious, but something that I never before paid attention to.

When we were out shopping I asked Becky about why her Steven always called me ma'am. She thought about it for a moment or two and then replied that when they got married Steven had asked her advice on what he should call John and I. Up to that moment it was never something she thought much about. The end result was that she told Steven it would be alright for him to address her father as John. She then told her husband to address me as ma'am as she considered me to be the head of their extended family. She also indicated that Steven didn't feel comfortable addressing me as either mom or as Kathy. She told me that 'when we have a baby, Steven may call you grandma, or whatever name you choose, but until then ma'am sounded appropriate to her". She then added that even daddy calls you ma'am much of the time. She thought it sounded kind of nice, and very southern. At that moment I felt like a character from Gone With The Wind.

Becky and I had gone to the mall and to the grocery store.The car was filled with the packages from our expedition. When we pulled into the drive way I reached to pick up a bag or two. Becky said not to bother with them,'she would send Steven out to pick up the packages, he needed to put gas in the car anyway'. She then said Steven is a lot like daddy,' he likes to do little things for me. It makes him happy. He would be disappointed if we didn't give him the chance to bring the packages in'. Then, at that moment I thought of my uncle and his champions. Yes, I thought, a good husband is one that has not only been trained to fetch, but enjoys doing it. There is a lot more to being a good husband than fetching, but learning to fetch is a good stating point for a man.

As we walked into the house, Steven immediately rose to his feet. There was a high honey and a kiss. Without being told Steven immediately turned the game off and asked if we had anything to bring in. Becky replied we have a lot of bags, and the car needs gas. I was pleased to see that by this time John was also on his feet. Not so quickly as Becky's husband, but then John is an older man. John looked toward Steven and said 'I will give you a hand'. Yes, the guys had permission to watch the game while we were out, but both men understood that when the women of the house returned, the television immediately went off.
This is part of what being an attentive husband is about. In many ways it is really ashamed that so many men simply do not understand the proper way to greet a lady.

As the guys went to fetch the packages from the car Becky and I gave each other a look that some out indicated there was a new level of understanding between us. It was one of those looks that only a women could understand. Becky proceeded to pour each of us a glass of wine. It didn't take but a few minutes for the guys to bring the packages in from the car. Becky casually told Steven that as soon as they put everything up, they could watch the rest of the game. Both of the guys said 'thank you', and hurried to the task. As the last grocery item was put up, Becky said something like 'that is fine baby you may turn the television back on'. Both of the guys again said 'thank you', and went back to watching the remainder of the game.

As a mistress wife accustomed to being treated with deference from men, I was pleased to see how very polite Steven was with my daughter. Then I thought about all the places in the world where women are not allowed much, if any, in the way of freedom. It then also occurred to me that this was another little example of John taking simple directives from Becky. Both men understood the proper way to welcome a women home was not only to stand, but also immediately cease whatever activity they were engaged in.. The television did not go on until the mistress of the house gave her permission. Yes, Neo, the feminist femdom lifestyle is alive and well. Yes, just as the young women of today are learning to enjoy their new found freedom, many of the young men of today are learning the joy of submitting to the authority of the women they love.

If you ask me I believe that the feminist femdom movement Neo talks about will be a win for both men and the women who love them.

Love, Mistress Kathy

Easter

2011-04-21T07:23:00.001-05:00

Thank you all for reading. Hope everyone has a great Easter. John and I are going to visit our daughter for a long weekend.

One more thought before I go. Never miss a day without reminding your man that you love him. Let him know that his obedience is important to you, and that is why you need to be firm with him. When his punishment is over, a little kiss or a pet is a way to tell him that he is still yours. This means a lot to John,
and I think to most men.

Love, Kathy