The comments to Fun and Games were interesting. Most women are naturally programed to reject anything that resembles a femdom way of life. This weekend I received an email from a young lady who was part of Tara's group of wives and girlfriends for a short time. Her guy was submissive. She went with him to the studio, went to Tara's group sessions for women, but never accepted femdom.
This young lady picked up on the term 'cocker spaniel' in the last posting. She asked me what women wants a man who acts like a cocker spaniel, trained to roll over on command, and fetch; just because he does laundry and house work. This lady and her guy broke up over the femdom issue. One of their arguments, she tells me, went something like him saying he needed a real mistress with her responding by saying she needed a real man.
For some men female dominance is a fantasy. For some other men female authority needs to be a way of life. My baby is one of those deeply subservient men who need to be leashed and collared. Is a male who is trained to drop to the floor at the snap of a women's fingers a real man, or some type of imitation?
What do you think?
Mistress
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22 comments:
A real man is a man that takes care of his family, provides support and protection as well as love.
Dominant or submissive has no bearing on being a real man.
I take care of my family love all my children and wife and I am their rock.
Being submissive is just a benefit we both enjoy.
I am a real man at work and in the outside world and provide for my wife and daughters. When my wife tells me to do something she uses her female power on me which is too overbearing even for strongest man. I honestly believe that for every strong man out there is a woman who can overpower and rule him. It is simply nature's way to keep the species going. Mother Nature has given women too many weapons for a real man to resist, only gay man can fight female power, real men have no chance.
Vanilla dating sites are full of women who state that they want "a real man".
My experience of such women is that they either do not know what that means, and usually quickly end up miserable and unhappy, or the simple reality is that they are submissive to varying degrees and are seeking a dominant man.
I was on a vanilla dating site many years ago and I was shocked just how many submissive women contacted me - everything from women who just wanted the man to be in charge and make the decisions thru to women who needed to be submissive in a bdsm way.
The number of women who contacted me expressing a need to be spanked or more was an eye-opener.
Yes, in a parallel universe I could have been a dominant man quite easily but I fell in love with a natural domme and never had the chance to become one.
Whenever I had a relationship with a sub female before I married it all fizzled out after a while as there was no bond like there is with my wife.
In my experience, femdom marriages never break up, but marriages the other way round end up in sorrow for the woman as her man will likely cheat on her and she will be so wet as to divorce him.
Kathy:
For some men the WLM or FLR is a fantasy brought on by some sites showing women wearing full leather or garter belts with high heels all with whips. Sure it is a great fantasy and makes some nice eye candy photos. But it gives a couple the wrong idea of femdom. Especially for the woman. She goes to a site he says to look at and finds those photos. And feels that these are not real men. Too much internet to blame.
Sites like yours show how wonderful a WLM can be and at the samt time be a real man. Yes, my wife wants a femdom marriage and we have a great one. But she also wants as part of that a man she can talk to and who will wine and dine her and take care of all of her needs because he wants to. Not because she will whip him until he says he will do it.( I am not speaking of punishments which a wife gives for bad behavior or poor housework that has been agreed on as part of their WLM). It is voluntary and that is the only way a WLM will succeed. Being her slave and being her WLM husband is very different. It is wonderful when you can submit and she accepts you as that. Yes, a WLM will probably never end in divorce, both parties have what they want and always strive to make it stronger. And by you providing this great blog for us to read and comment on makes us better real men to our wonderful women.
What's a "real man?" I am U.S. Marine veteran, spent 40+ years working maximum security penitentiaries, faced down 300+ maximum security inmates in a major disturbance, etc. etc. Yet, I am totally, completely subservient to my Mistress, have been this way with every woman I had a relationship with, love to serve, be commanded by my Mistress, hold all women in high esteem, etc.
I believe when a woman says she wants a "real man" it is her need to be dominated, etc. just as us submissive males want a controlling Mistress. Just as a strong man can be totally sibmissive to his Mistress, an elegant lady can be a very strong Mistress.
Quite the loaded question! I am not proud to admit this, but when I first discovered my husband's "other side", I was beyond shocked and quite clueless. I too had the same reaction as the woman you talked about. I did not look at my husband as a "real man" at first. It wasn't just because of his desire to be sissified either. The whole concept of a FLR baffled me. It took quite a bit of time to "get it" and realize that my husband was a " real man". Do I think women who don't take the time to understand the nature of a FLR lose out? Yes I do. But, as with everything else in life, everyone is different and has different needs. We all also have different definitions of things. I guess it's kind of like art. What appeals to me may be the ugliest piece of garbage to someone else! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and I think my husband is not only a real man..but a beautiful man with the most beautiful heart and soul. And if anyone dares say I'm wrong..well good thing I have a crop nearby!!
M
Forever Hers...and do you use it on him????? We hope so, make your real man a really good husband.
A real man treats a woman with respect. And he puts his wife on a pedestal, tells her every day how much he loves her, how he will obey her and worship her. Tell your wife every day, but you must mean it and practice it. A WLM is a wonderful experience .
Hi Mistress Kathy,
We like jimsoklar's answer, that a real man takes care of his family, provides support, protection and love.
A real man doesn't follow society's rules, he follows his heart, he pays attention to his lover's feelings and does things that might help her feel even better. A subservient man feels better doing just that, even and especially if it means "no cocker spaniel" - because that's the way SHE likes it.
John likes his collar. I don't want that, but we do want a daily ritual. She has me kneel before her and look up at her. She tells me she expects my obedience. I tell her know how much I love and adore her. She accepts me as I am. It goes back and forth. The ritual has always evolved, and it's so important. It's sets expectations, and we really really have heart to heart communication that few couples know.
To me, symbols like a collar mean nothing more than symbols as soft as a "yes Ma'am" - they're just a couple's language. The beauty of it is society doesn't get a say, you get to define your own language. And in a femdom relationship she gets the final say on which words make it into their dictionary. And he LOVES that.
John is a real man, he made himself that way. And you MAKE him that way. It's really beautiful.
By permission of my wife,
Ore
a real man in a femdom flr.wlm , is a total slave to his mistress. he waits on her hand and foot and he loves her control he cant wait for the next order. even has his mistress uses and abuse him he is a happy slave .and he will fall down on the floor and kiss his mistress feet on a snap of her fingers . a true male serves his mistress with out any thought of his own comfort his joy is see his mistress reating with her feet up while he does all the house work
@ Anonymous: Yes I do use the crop on hubby! In fact, he's in for some crop time. It seems a little "tune up" is in order. :)
M
This augment always comes up.
It takes a real man to say he’s submissive to his wife. If she doesn’t totally reject him then he is in for the ride of his life. She may only expect simple things out of him or push it to the limit, face it he is somewhat at her whim at that point. The cat is out of the bag and he isn’t putting it back in there. If you have a good relationship I think that most women may be taken back by outright saying it, come on though; are you lady’s totally surprised? Never a hint of the power you have over your husband? Guess I struggle with the fact that I see so much these days on this subject or hint at the subject I can’t believe that individuals are totally surprised by the concept? Now maybe some of the things that push his buttons might, but not the overall concept.
As to being a real man? I agree with others, I think this is more of some submissive women wanting a dominant man, just like some men want dominant women. I can relate on that level. Submissive men just want to feel over powered by your feminine qualities and live in that glow.
MrL
I can't put it any better than jimsoklar.
Here are a few words in support of submissive women. Before I married, I went out with a woman who revealed her submissiveness a few months into our relationship. Her life circumstances had been such that she responded by exerting -- or attempted to exert -- a great deal of control over most aspects of her life.
She had to let go somewhere just to relieve the pressure that she put on herself, and that somewhere was the bedroom. One could argue that this wasn't her only alternative, but her sexual submissiveness didn't hurt any one and it was her life. As a wise woman once told me, "If it doesn't hurt anyone and it feels good, there's nothing wrong with it."
EB
Ms. Kathy,
I think a Woman who commands is a real Woman and that's all there is to it.
I am still encouraging my Dearly Beloved towards a WLM. The progress is slow, but I am not pushing. Even tho I would like it to be more in her direction, we are living the way she likes it. we are happy.
About the Cocker Spaniel remarks, maybe being a coker spaniel is not such a sign of weakness. I grew uo in a household where there were several dogs in residence. The smallest was a female Cocker. There three larger dogs, all hunting and working breeds much larger and certainly much stronger physically. There were other dogs in the neighborhood, all much larger, some larger than the largest in our own home. Who was the leader of the entire pack? If you guessed the tiny Cocker, you get the prize. Just a little note of maybe no interest to anyone, other than what is not so great to some is a note of encouragement to others. BTW, my very first dog of my own was whelped from accidental mating of that tiny Cocker and and the largest dog in the house. sorry to get way off topic like this, but i just had to comment. She was a great little dog with a lot of character. Yeah, i am a dog lover too.
Observing
Wow! 16 comments in less than 24 hours! Ms. Kathy, I think it's safe to say you have a devoted bunch of followers. And, I think it speaks to how badly we submissive men want to have our voices heard and show the world how much we love our wives, and love serving them!
Early on, when my Mistress was struggling with this revelation that I laid at her feet, she said something to the effect that she didn't want a doormat for a husband, someone groveling at her feet all of the time. Not yet understanding my own position on the matter (and still trying to find my way), I respectfully agreed and focused more on simply being as respectful and helpful around the house as I could. I confess to having that side of me that wants to drop to the floor when she enters the room, but I know it doesn't please her so I don't. I do enjoy those moments in public when She takes an opportunity to stroke my submissiveness by handing me her purse of ordering my dinner for me. I'm grateful for anything she gives me.
For the record, I run a contracting business, fish, dive, and do most of the heavy yard work around here. I spent last weekend with a chainsaw in my hands. Not quite the image of a submissive husband!
I think that all of this goes back to the gender programming we've all talked about. Men are raised to be macho, insensitive and selfish. It takes a lot of trust in your relationship and self confidence to admit that you want to submit to the power and majesty of the woman you adore.
I'm sure that in the minds of less enlightened folks who think a "real man" conquers the castle and rapes the women, we are not real men. To me, and probably most of us, it takes a little humility and respect for the power of a strong woman to accept WLM. On some level, all men know the power women have over us all. When the conquering barbarians see the woman they adore and get weak in the kness, they just need to drop to the floor and kiss some feet. Then, even those tough guys can become real men who worship and serve their women.
I found your site a few months ago after having discovered my dominant side. I love the content and follow the blog with enthusiasm. Unfortunately, my introducer, as you say, is unable to commit to me due to emotional issues he has privately. I would love that to change one day. Reading the blog enables me to connect with the lifestyle in one way. I know I am dominant and hope one day I can comment with my own wonderful experiences.
I am sorry to hear that your 'introducer' is unable to explore a Femdom relationship with you due to the emotional issues he has - whatever they are, I hope he overcomes them sooner than later. Anxiety and similar aliments can have such a negative affect on a person's life.
I hope it works out between you and him. If not, there is not shortage of men out there wishing to explore such relationships - either on here or on the numerous Femdom and BDSM dating sites.
A Femdom without a sub - what a rare thing!
Thank you for your comments. I have explored a alternative website but I'm not interested in porn. It just doesn't resonate with me. What I know, both from reading this blog, some experience and through my extensive research, femdom is more about the psychology and not the physical act. I know when I am in the Mistress role I feel strong, powerful, content & happy. That is even just talking about it. To imagine a lifestyle, well, the thought just stirs me deep inside. It is not just about the fulfilment a slave has but the Mistress role, for me, is incredible. I continue to earn read & hope. Thank you for allowing me to contribute. I am in awe of your experiences.
It can be many things - the physical, the mental, both.
There are thousands of people living Femdom lives and each and every one is different. Some concentrate on the physical, others on the mental, some the two together. The Femdom sites out there vary in the same way - you just have to look around and find them.
Alas, if you type Femdom into a search engine you usually end up with the porn money making sites at the top, which probably puts many people off.
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