There is very little that brightens my day more than receiving a poem written especially for me. There is something so very intimate about it. Just the idea that a man writes because he wants to please, makes me feel good. To me that is a special gift. Receiving a poem is like having a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers suddenly appear on your breakfast table. It never fails to bring a smile to my face.
While I won't share most of the poem, there was one line that had a special meaning for me. The sweet pet writes, "An uncollared male is like a horse in the wild desperately needing a rider". While I don't know much about horses, I do know there are a lot of men in this world hoping to find that special lady who is willing to put her collar on them. For the most part these are sweet men that want in some fashion to make a special gift of themselves to the lady in their life.
I have often been criticised for using the slave word in describing my husband. Six years ago John knelt at my feet, closed his eyes, and told me that nothing would make him happier than to live as my slave. On that day John gave me one of the most precious gifts a man can give to a women; a gift of himself. On that day I accepted John's gift, and told him from that day onward he would live as my slave. It didn't mean I would love him any less, but form that day forward he would be subject to my authority. It also meant I would take on the responsibility of disciplining him, and training him to be the man he wanted to become. On that day I put a collar around John's neck, gave him a gentle kiss, and told him he now belonged to me, he was my property.
In those early days of new relationship the kennel was a way of letting John know that my authority over him was for real. In looking back I have no regrets about either the kennel, or in the life that John and I live. It may not be for every one, it may not even be right for most couples in a 'fem/dom' relationship, but it has worked for John and I. A few hours in the kennel, with no television or radio, was a way of letting John know in no uncertain terms who was in control of the relationship. With the command 'kennel up' John has no hesitancy about crawling into the kennel, and locking himself in, because he had trust in me. I am not advocating this for other people, I am not the advice lady. This is just a blog about my experience with a loving submissive man.
Karen, like most young women, wants more of a partnership with her man. In my last posting I used the term managing partner. Never the less, either as a slave husband or junior partner, a man needs to understand that his wife's authority over him is more than a game. It is up to Karen to decide how or if she wants to more her relationship forward.
Love, Mistress Kathy
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Special Posting For Karen
Over the last several days Karen and I have emailed back and forth several times. For the most part she has enjoyed reading the comments. One of the things that comes out differently in Karen's emails is the feeling of warmth and affection between her and her guy. Although Karen has not been happy with some of her boyfriend's behavior, it is obvious they do care for each other. Karen is not ready to abandon him. To the contrary, the reason for writing is that she wants to find a way to improve their relationship.
Many of the comments suggested that Karen should drop her guy. The number of comments to this effect surprised me. In my opinion Karen's boy friend is like a number of young men who yearn for true female discipline in their lives, but have never had it. Karen will be the first to admit that she has not been much of a disciplinarian with her man. While she is open to the idea of being the mistress in their relationship, it is still something that feels strange to her.
As Karen explained to me, playing the mistress in a game is one thing. However, living the life of a dominant wife is something else. There are aspects of being the dominant partner in a relationship that Karen finds appealing. For one thing she likes the freedom to make social plans without having to check in with her boyfriend. She has become accustomed to having him do the housework, and run errands.
On the other hand, when it comes to marriage and spending a life together, Karen tells me she is looking for more of a partner than a slave husband. In the relationship I have with John he is very much a slave . For the most part John does what he is told, when he is told, and how he is told. He has very little personal freedom, and even less control of money. This may not be the most workable model for most 'fem/dom' marriages.
While I see the wife as the primary decision maker, many women give their husbands a major voice in making family decisions. They also allow their husband much more access to money, and allow them a certain amount of personal freedom. Of course, in a 'fem/dom' marriage the wife still makes the final decisions on things that are important to the family. In these marriages the husband is more of a 'help mate' than a slave. Another way to look at many of these marriages is comparing them to a partnership, with the wife being the managing partner.
If you look at relationship Karen has with her guy, she has never tried to establish any type of real authority over him. One reader suggested a chastity device of some kind. If it was up to me, I would use an old fashioned kennel. When a man understands he can be locked in a small space, for however long, at the whim of his girlfriend, he tends to pay more attention to her.
He begins to think of her as an authority figure in his life. This is the first step in letting your man understand who is in control.
It is only after your man understands his place in the relationship, the training process can begin. However, it works best for Karen, she needs to find a way of letting her guy know she is officially his boss lady.
Love, Kathy
Many of the comments suggested that Karen should drop her guy. The number of comments to this effect surprised me. In my opinion Karen's boy friend is like a number of young men who yearn for true female discipline in their lives, but have never had it. Karen will be the first to admit that she has not been much of a disciplinarian with her man. While she is open to the idea of being the mistress in their relationship, it is still something that feels strange to her.
As Karen explained to me, playing the mistress in a game is one thing. However, living the life of a dominant wife is something else. There are aspects of being the dominant partner in a relationship that Karen finds appealing. For one thing she likes the freedom to make social plans without having to check in with her boyfriend. She has become accustomed to having him do the housework, and run errands.
On the other hand, when it comes to marriage and spending a life together, Karen tells me she is looking for more of a partner than a slave husband. In the relationship I have with John he is very much a slave . For the most part John does what he is told, when he is told, and how he is told. He has very little personal freedom, and even less control of money. This may not be the most workable model for most 'fem/dom' marriages.
While I see the wife as the primary decision maker, many women give their husbands a major voice in making family decisions. They also allow their husband much more access to money, and allow them a certain amount of personal freedom. Of course, in a 'fem/dom' marriage the wife still makes the final decisions on things that are important to the family. In these marriages the husband is more of a 'help mate' than a slave. Another way to look at many of these marriages is comparing them to a partnership, with the wife being the managing partner.
If you look at relationship Karen has with her guy, she has never tried to establish any type of real authority over him. One reader suggested a chastity device of some kind. If it was up to me, I would use an old fashioned kennel. When a man understands he can be locked in a small space, for however long, at the whim of his girlfriend, he tends to pay more attention to her.
He begins to think of her as an authority figure in his life. This is the first step in letting your man understand who is in control.
It is only after your man understands his place in the relationship, the training process can begin. However, it works best for Karen, she needs to find a way of letting her guy know she is officially his boss lady.
Love, Kathy
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Special Posting For Karen-Continued
Thank all of you for posting. These were all very good comments. I especially thought the comment from Matthew was worth reading twice. According to Matthew, the boyfriend has not yet made the type of break though that will enable him to take this relationship from fantasy to reality. There is a great deal of truth in that observation. However, as a women in a FLM, I have a different 'take' on that observation.
From what I have observed Karen's boyfriend is like a large number of young men. They want the fun, the fantasy of submission, but at the same time are not ready to assume the responsibility of living the life style of a submissive man. I have often made the comment that it takes a great deal of inner strength to live the type of life that John does. For many of you this statement will sound strange, but it takes a real man to live the life of a slave husband. It takes a great deal of emotional strength to give up your freedom, and pledge obedience to another person. However, in a true Fem/dom marriage this is something that many men do.
Karen sent an email to me this morning. She enjoyed reading the blog entry and the comments.
She did tell me that the relationship with her guy is much warmer than it appears to be in the posting. Of her guy, Karen indicated that he is loving and for the most part is focused on pleasing her. There are, however, those times when he goes off into the 'wild blue', and does what he wants. She has tried to discipline him, but with mixed results.
Both Karen and Mandy enjoy having the 'boy' around the apartment. There are, however, many times when it seams like he is controlling the relationship. Karen used the term 'passive aggressively submissive' in one of her emails to me. Karen asked me how I would approach the discipline issue.
There is no doubt that most men are very loving, and truly care about the women in their life. Pleasing a women is important to most men. It is not really up to the boyfriend to move the FLR forward. It is really up to Karen. She is the female, and as such, she is the one who should be in charge. If Karen wants a FLM it is up to her to lead the way. Sometimes I wonder if the groveling and begging is a way of asking Karen to take more control. You know, sometimes men don't know how to ask.
If there is one thing I admire Karen's guy for is that he had the courage to tell her of his need for female guidance. He had the courage to tell Karen of this early in their relationship. If she was not accepting of this, it would have been easy for her to walk away. She was willing to pick up the whip. She was wiling to put him over her knee for a spanking. She may have not been an expert of male submissive behavior, but she knew what it was about. She knew what she was getting in to, and was willing to accept it. In my opinion Karen is no prude. At this point in her life, she may not know exactly what to do, but is willing to learn.
Karen and her guy have been together for close to three years. Since this young man enjoys being with Karen, I suspect she is more dominant with him than has come out in this posting. Sometimes a man can sense a women's dominant spirit even when she is not aware of it her self. Most women have a type of natural authority over men. It is something women use on a daily basis to both control and mold a man's behavior into something that is acceptable to them. For example, if a man senses that his wife doesn't want him to look at porn, he will often give it up. He feels a sense of shame for looking at something that doesn't have the approval of his wife.
One of the cute comments that Karen made was that she wished her school had a course called Femdom 101. Someone made the comment that Karen is still young. This is true. However, women of today are so much more aware of 'things' then they were even a generation ago. By the same token they are much more willing to take charge of their own lives and that of the men they care for. What I am convinced of is that the world is moving step by step to a place where women will be in active control of their households. It will be a world in which men will have no shame in admitting that their wife is the boss in the house. Their motto will be, 'yes, I am a submissive man, and proud of it"
Love, Mistress Kathy
From what I have observed Karen's boyfriend is like a large number of young men. They want the fun, the fantasy of submission, but at the same time are not ready to assume the responsibility of living the life style of a submissive man. I have often made the comment that it takes a great deal of inner strength to live the type of life that John does. For many of you this statement will sound strange, but it takes a real man to live the life of a slave husband. It takes a great deal of emotional strength to give up your freedom, and pledge obedience to another person. However, in a true Fem/dom marriage this is something that many men do.
Karen sent an email to me this morning. She enjoyed reading the blog entry and the comments.
She did tell me that the relationship with her guy is much warmer than it appears to be in the posting. Of her guy, Karen indicated that he is loving and for the most part is focused on pleasing her. There are, however, those times when he goes off into the 'wild blue', and does what he wants. She has tried to discipline him, but with mixed results.
Both Karen and Mandy enjoy having the 'boy' around the apartment. There are, however, many times when it seams like he is controlling the relationship. Karen used the term 'passive aggressively submissive' in one of her emails to me. Karen asked me how I would approach the discipline issue.
There is no doubt that most men are very loving, and truly care about the women in their life. Pleasing a women is important to most men. It is not really up to the boyfriend to move the FLR forward. It is really up to Karen. She is the female, and as such, she is the one who should be in charge. If Karen wants a FLM it is up to her to lead the way. Sometimes I wonder if the groveling and begging is a way of asking Karen to take more control. You know, sometimes men don't know how to ask.
If there is one thing I admire Karen's guy for is that he had the courage to tell her of his need for female guidance. He had the courage to tell Karen of this early in their relationship. If she was not accepting of this, it would have been easy for her to walk away. She was willing to pick up the whip. She was wiling to put him over her knee for a spanking. She may have not been an expert of male submissive behavior, but she knew what it was about. She knew what she was getting in to, and was willing to accept it. In my opinion Karen is no prude. At this point in her life, she may not know exactly what to do, but is willing to learn.
Karen and her guy have been together for close to three years. Since this young man enjoys being with Karen, I suspect she is more dominant with him than has come out in this posting. Sometimes a man can sense a women's dominant spirit even when she is not aware of it her self. Most women have a type of natural authority over men. It is something women use on a daily basis to both control and mold a man's behavior into something that is acceptable to them. For example, if a man senses that his wife doesn't want him to look at porn, he will often give it up. He feels a sense of shame for looking at something that doesn't have the approval of his wife.
One of the cute comments that Karen made was that she wished her school had a course called Femdom 101. Someone made the comment that Karen is still young. This is true. However, women of today are so much more aware of 'things' then they were even a generation ago. By the same token they are much more willing to take charge of their own lives and that of the men they care for. What I am convinced of is that the world is moving step by step to a place where women will be in active control of their households. It will be a world in which men will have no shame in admitting that their wife is the boss in the house. Their motto will be, 'yes, I am a submissive man, and proud of it"
Love, Mistress Kathy
Friday, June 5, 2009
Special Posting For Karen
Last week I received an email from a lovely young lady. She is a twenty one year old college student in a committed relationship. Her boy friend is a twenty four year old graduate student. She told me about her situation, and asked me for advice. My instinct was to tell her what I tell everyone else. My experiences are limited to one sweet, well trained, obedient man. What might be right for me, might not work for her. I am not the answer person. We ended up emailing back and forth several times. Each time she told me more and more about her situation. She is really a nice person, and is looking for some guidance. In many ways this young lady reminds me of my daughter.
From what Karen tells me her situation is very similar to what many young women go through in dealing with a submissive spouse or boyfriend. After several emails I told Karen that I would be happy to make a post of her story on my blog. Of course, her real name would not be used, and the details of where she went to school and so forth would not be included. The idea is that the readers of the blog would be invited to make comments giving Karen suggestions on what to do about her guy. She is the first to admit that she has very little experience in dealing with men, and some fresh ideas may be helpful.
Here is the situation. Karen recently completed her third year of college. She has been going out with her guy since the start of her freshman year. While they have never lived together, they have talked about marriage. The general plan is to wait for graduation. From almost the start of their relationship her boy friend had expressed a certain need for female guidance in his life.
After they had been going out for a while, the word guidance changed to female authority.
In the early part of their relationship Karen and her guy played some games. From what Karen tells me the games were light and fun. At the start of the last year, Karen and another girl, Mandy, moved into a two bed room off campus apartment. Her boyfriend would come over to visit. In the privacy of the apartment the games tended to become more intense. After a few weeks, her boyfriend offered to help with maintenance of the apartment. Karen asked Mandy if she minded her guy helping a little with the house work. Mandy said sure, whatever he wants to do would be fine with her.
Karen tells me she has feelings for her guy. She is willing to assume the role of mistress to a degree, but doesn't want a man who acts as subservient as her boy friend does. Also, while he acts submissive, he tends to be very aggressive about it. He often tells her what he wants her to do, and pouts if she doesn't comply. She goes so far as to call it a pretend kind of submission where he really wants to be in control.
Karen makes it clear that this 'submissive 'thing' has been more about what the boyfriend wants than what she wants. He often does things on purpose to make her angry so that he can be punished. This is a behavior she wants to correct, but doesn't know how.
Karen tells me that has read enough blogs to generally understand what a FLM or 'fem/dom' marriage means, and is generally agreeable to it. However, like it is with John and I she wants it to be real, where her guy is really committed to pleasing her, and it is not a game where she is constantly doing things for the benefit of her boyfriend.
On one level Karen wonders if her boyfriend needs counseling. On another level she wonders if he can change. Overall, Karen tells me her boyfriend is a sweet guy, and there are often times where he wants nothing more than to please her.
Both Karen and I would like to hear from readers of the blog.
Love, Mistress Kathy
From what Karen tells me her situation is very similar to what many young women go through in dealing with a submissive spouse or boyfriend. After several emails I told Karen that I would be happy to make a post of her story on my blog. Of course, her real name would not be used, and the details of where she went to school and so forth would not be included. The idea is that the readers of the blog would be invited to make comments giving Karen suggestions on what to do about her guy. She is the first to admit that she has very little experience in dealing with men, and some fresh ideas may be helpful.
Here is the situation. Karen recently completed her third year of college. She has been going out with her guy since the start of her freshman year. While they have never lived together, they have talked about marriage. The general plan is to wait for graduation. From almost the start of their relationship her boy friend had expressed a certain need for female guidance in his life.
After they had been going out for a while, the word guidance changed to female authority.
In the early part of their relationship Karen and her guy played some games. From what Karen tells me the games were light and fun. At the start of the last year, Karen and another girl, Mandy, moved into a two bed room off campus apartment. Her boyfriend would come over to visit. In the privacy of the apartment the games tended to become more intense. After a few weeks, her boyfriend offered to help with maintenance of the apartment. Karen asked Mandy if she minded her guy helping a little with the house work. Mandy said sure, whatever he wants to do would be fine with her.
The situation with the boy friend quickly escalated. Instead of coming over every so often, he was soon coming to the apartment on a daily basis. Karen and her roommate both thought it was strange that he wanted to do housework, but had no problem with it. On weekends he would clean the bath rooms, mob the floor, change the sheets, and dust. It was like having a free maid.
The girls had a small kitchen which the boy friend often used to cook dinner. He insisted on cleaning up after dinner. If another girl happened to be there, he would cook enough for all of them. In addition to cooking he with serve the dinner. Again, Karen and her roommate thought it was strange, but he waited on them like he was a servant. However, it was obvious that he enjoyed doing it. If either Karen or her roommate needed anything while eating, they got in the habit of asking him to fetch it. He would answer back, yes ma'am. One day at the table, as the boy friend was fetching something, the roommate smiled at Karen and said it is sure nice to have a subservient man around. At that moment it was not exactly what Karen wanted to hear, but she knew it was true.
A little tension came between the girls when the boyfriend asked if he could do their laundry. The men reading this blog may not understand , but a women doesn't like a guy seeing her personal things. This is especially true when they are in a dirty clothes hamper. Karen told him she would rather do her own laundry. The roommate said sure, you can do my laundry. She even told him where to put things after he did the folding. After a little while Karen gave in on the laundry issue. After all, if he was going to do Mandy's laundry, he may as well do hers.
It was during this time that the couple talked more and more about his need for female authority. The word authority gradually changed to dominance. They talked more about marriage. The boyfriend said he liked being the servant in the house, and would like to continue in that role after they were married. He came out and said that he hoped their marriage would be female led, and that she would be the boss in the house after they were married.
This is the part where Karen's attitude impressed me. Karen told me that she understood a little about female dominance and male submission, and for the most part didn't mind being the boss. When they played games she was always the one holding the whip, or putting her boy friend in the little hand cuffs. She would tell him he was a bad boy, and give him an over the knee spanking. Of course, it was all in fun and there was no real pain. After the girls moved into the apartment, the boyfriend presented her with a real cane to whip him with. Karen tells me it was the type of thing that caused real pain, and she didn't like using it. She only whipped her guy with the came because he wanted it so badly.
By the spring semester the boyfriend started acting more subservient to each of the girls. He had started referring to the girls as Mistress Karen and Mistress Mandy. Karen tells me that the use of the mistress word didn't bother her. They would sometimes laugh, and call each other Mistress Karen or Mistress Mandy. However, the boyfriend started referring to Karen as mistress when they were with other people. Karen told him to stop. She told him that the mistress thing needed to stay between the two of them and Mandy. The boyfriend, however, persisted in the use of the mistress or ma'am word in front of others even though he knew it bothered Karen.
Karen is a bright young lady. She soon figured out why her so called submissive guy insisted on doing something she didn't want him to do. He wanted to be punished. One day she got so frustrated that she told her boyfriend to pull down his pants, and bend over the kitchen chair. She took his heavy leather belt, and struck his rear end as hard as possible. She decided to give him the punishment session he had been asking for. In administering that punishment she hoped that he had leaned his lesson.
It was toward the end of March the boyfriend started showing another type of behavior that Karen found to be totally unacceptable. Since Mandy would be returning home for the summer, the boyfriend asked if he could move in for the summer term. When Karen told him that was not in her plans, he dropped to the floor and started begging her to let him move in. Karen tells me this type of groveling really turned her off. She told him to stop it. When he continued, she gave him a light kick with her foot, and told him to start acting like a man. However that little kick, and the admonition to act like a man only served to get him more excited. Since that episode, every time she tells him no, he does that groveling act which makes her angry.
Karen tells me she has feelings for her guy. She is willing to assume the role of mistress to a degree, but doesn't want a man who acts as subservient as her boy friend does. Also, while he acts submissive, he tends to be very aggressive about it. He often tells her what he wants her to do, and pouts if she doesn't comply. She goes so far as to call it a pretend kind of submission where he really wants to be in control.
Karen makes it clear that this 'submissive 'thing' has been more about what the boyfriend wants than what she wants. He often does things on purpose to make her angry so that he can be punished. This is a behavior she wants to correct, but doesn't know how.
Karen tells me that has read enough blogs to generally understand what a FLM or 'fem/dom' marriage means, and is generally agreeable to it. However, like it is with John and I she wants it to be real, where her guy is really committed to pleasing her, and it is not a game where she is constantly doing things for the benefit of her boyfriend.
On one level Karen wonders if her boyfriend needs counseling. On another level she wonders if he can change. Overall, Karen tells me her boyfriend is a sweet guy, and there are often times where he wants nothing more than to please her.
Both Karen and I would like to hear from readers of the blog.
Love, Mistress Kathy
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